Sue Parisher's Blog, page 2

The Lie: I’ll Never Be a Good Mother

One of the biggest things my abuser took from me was my believing I could be a good mom. I wasn’t striving to be a great mom, or even a fun mom, I was simply striving to be a mom who was always there for her kids, one who raised them ethically, faithfully, and lovingly.  ​

My abuser knew that attacking my mothering skills hurt me to the core of my being. He knew degrading my emotional connection to our children was the most painful attack. He knew that if he broke my confidence in being a good mom, he’d win at destroying my life.  
Transforming from domestic violence victim to survivorMy first child was born in late April so he was only a few weeks old on Mother’s Day. My abuser acknowledged the day with a sarcastic comment: “You haven’t done enough to deserve recognition.” No card, no break for a few hours, no flowers. Nothing but total disrespect to my pregnancy and our new child.   
 
By the time my son was seven months old, my abuser was so frustrated with sharing me that he started hitting me to make sure I understood that he, my abuser, was my priority. Not our son. 
 
My abuser’s tactics were simple, but combined, they became overwhelming. He wore me down by not doing anything to assist in raising our children. Without any help taking care of the children or taking care of the household responsibilities, I became a tired robot stripped of any life.  

​I look back now and see how bad my abuser hated sharing me with the children. He showed his jealousy by increased physical and emotional abuse. Our daughter’s cancer regiment threw him over the edge and increased my abuse three-fold.  
Seeing Truth ClearlyAfter I left my abuser, I was able to step back from my heavy burden of guilt and look at my life more objectively. In doing so, I began to understand some important things. First, I had lost track of the prime objective of my leaving my abuser; to break the domestic violence cycle. The fact is that if I break that cycle and raise Christian children, then I am a good mom. God isn’t asking me to raise smart or athletic children; He is asking me to raise children who are being taught to be kind and to know Him. Second, I needed to get those all-important boundaries with my abuser firmly established and then get his voice out of my head before I could even see what being a good mother was all about.  Eventually, I learned that the foundation to all good mothering was truly loving my children and providing them with my compassionate support over the long term. As I have navigated through the past 15 years, transitioning from victim to survivor, I’ve learned that the more I leaned on God, the more I am able to give to my kids. I can see already the tangible results of God’s hand in breaking the cycle of abuse by the way they are all living their lives. Daily, I am reminded that prayer and actively seeking God’s guidance allowed me to do His work through my actions as a mom.  
 I still carry the internal scars and doubt of not being a good mom, but the blessings God has provided allows for me to stay focused on His purpose.  
Blessings to all, 
Sue 
Parents Passing AwayThis week is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death. I continue to miss her a lot.

Parkinson’s attacked my mom quickly. Her memory faded way too fast and her ability to understand life’s events faded even faster. She managed to tell me a few times before her cognitive abilities faded how proud she was of me. I will cherish her last words to me forever.Keep Reading

Trusting My Parenting Abilities

Yesterday I dropped my daughter off at a college located four hours away. After being extremely close for almost 19 years, it is time for me to see, from four hours away, where God is taking her next.
 
My daughter surprised me with a new water cup for my office (so now we have matching ones) and a special canvas picture she took over the summer. The effort she is putting into making sure I am okay with her leaving is priceless and means the world to me.
 
Like all other kids, she has grown up with many challenges. She’s battled cancer, received a bone marrow transplant, lived through a painful divorce, lost all four of her maternal grandparents, and grown up in eastern North Carolina while unable to tolerate sun exposure (due to the transplant). Domestic Violence and FaithAs I sit here and reflect on her life, one important theme appears:
 
God has used my children to show case His love, mercy, and grace more than any other facet in my life. My anxious, stressed out state of being a single mom didn’t always allow me to feel this though.
 
During those dark years in and out of the hospital, she relied on me to interrupt her symptoms, translate them to the medical team, and monitor the situation to ensure what she was trying to tell me was what I was hearing. She was battling for her life between the ages of two and four; she didn’t have big words to describe what she was feeling. For almost a year, her life revolved around upwards of a dozen doses of medicine a day. We were inseparable at so many levels.
 
Until I dropped her off at her kindergarten class. God blessed us with a wonderful, caring teacher who wiped down door handles, light switches, and tables way before this kind of thing was thought about. I struggled, but I let go of my little girl a little.
 
Every year thereafter, when I dropped her off on her first day of school, I had to trust that she would make smart decisions about the sun during gym class and recess, germs in the cafeteria, and writing down assignment information. Each year I trusted her abilities to make smart decisions and watched as she embraced God into her heart.
 
As I learned to let go of her a little bit every year, I learned to give more and more of her over to God. My prayers for her became more specific. Our conversations about life, faith, relationships, and behaviors became more emphasized with my actions versus just talking. 
 
I learned that it was more important for me to be there for her versus criticizing her, questioning her, and second guessing her. Often times, my opinion really wasn’t what she needed; what she needed was an unbiased ear, a caring hug, or a silent “it’s going to be okay”. It was through her that I learned just being there is often the best way to represent God and His calming, loving nature.
 
Throughout this all, I’ve had to learn to trust God so much more than I’d imagine I ever would have if she hadn’t been sick earlier in her life. So many medical components were totally out of my control; I had to lean in hard to trust that God’s will included my daughter staying with me. To this day, I realize I am no match in her battle against a relapse. But, over her lifetime I have learned to trust God who’s given me this time with her.
 
And now I trust He’ll keep her safe as she embarks on this new and exciting adventure,
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue Co-Parenting With My Abusive Ex-Husband​Of all the things I have endured over the past ten years since I separated from my abuser, nothing compares to the pain, torment, continuing mental games, and anxiety I’ve experienced while co-parenting with my abusive ex-husband. As I look back over the past 10 years, if there was one thing I could change it would be my response to co-parenting with my abuser. I realize I can’t change the fact that I hid under my secret, which led to the judge granting us both parenting rights, but I do wish I was stronger in establishing my response to my abuser earlier
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Being Part of the Solution

I was getting really frustrated prior to my social media fast about something I had little control over. As I have been sharing recently, my boundaries were being crossed and I was at my wits end. The rambling, nonstop, conflicting loud voices in my head were driving me crazy. I was unable to sleep. I was unable to focus on anything except the internal battle going on in my head.
 
Towards the end of my week fast from social media, a random thought pushed its way into my thoughts. “What if you focused on being part of the solution?”
 
Due to the randomness of this thought and considering it had nothing to do with what I was doing at the time, I stopped immediately. What did this thought mean? Especially as it occurred during a time of fasting? Meditating and pray brought me the following:
 
Although I do not always have control over what happens to me in my life, I do have control over my reaction to the events in my world.
​
Regaining control of thoughts after abuseIt occurred to me I’d been fighting the wrong battle. I realize that there was a huge chance my boundaries had been crossed due to my trying to control a particular situation versus letting God control the scenario. In my fight to get what I thought was best, I lost focus on my mental well-being and prioritized my trying to control the situation instead. Head first and arms flaying, I had fallen into the well-versed trap of lies and deception.
Being Part​ of the SolutionOne of the hardest things I learned to do during my transition to survivor was turning my abuser over to God. During one of the seasons where I just wanted to argue with him, it occurred to me: what if my arguing or attempt at manipulating a situation was provoked by Satan and not the work of God? What if the actions, arguments, or inactions I contributed influenced God’s ability to do what He needed to do? What if my human actions (versus those directed by God) impacted a situation and caused God’s plan for my abuser to be delayed or postponed? 
 
It was during this season of forgiveness that I realized I needed to step back and out of God’s way. God’s word states that He will seek revenge for me; I needed to trust that God’s ability to seek revenge was so much greater than any attempt I could muster.​“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus 14:14
I can’t be silent if my head is filled with racing thoughts. I can’t be silent if I am not focused on God fighting my battles versus fighting them myself. I can’t be silent unless I remember who is in charge of the situation and what my role is (to be a selfless servant).
 
For me, being silent doesn’t mean I can’t protect myself emotionally and physically.
 
What it means though is that my motives, actions, reactions, body language, and word choices need to come from what God is telling me to do. My reactions to the situation need to be motivated by His word and guidance I receive.
 
Honestly, changing the perspective of my thought process to focusing on my thoughts and reactions to my world versus controlling my world has brought me a renewed perspective. A calmer, quieter perspective on a few important things in my life.
 
And an exciting side note: it’s strengthened my boundaries for this particular situation.
 
Blessings to all,

Sue
Establishing My BoundariesFive years after my divorce, my abuser continued to harass me by calling me on the phone with the guise that we had to talk about something concerning our children.  Of course, he would start out with something of relevance to the kids, but as usual, moments later, I would be in the midst of a verbally abusive lashing.  Just seeing his name on the caller-ID, rattled me and filled me with anxiety. I now know that the reason I was having such a hard time was that I hadn’t been informed about an important piece of my recovery. The domestic violence recovery tip: establishing boundaries.
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Social Media Fast

Over the past few weeks I’ve had a heavy prayer on my heart. Thirteen years after leaving my abuser and I still struggle with control of my thoughts. I struggle with the slowly moving evolution of something entering my mind and, instead of me telling the thought to go away, I let it meander around. And, after a little meandering around in my thoughts, the conflicting message gains momentum and eventually becomes “reality” in my head.
 
Because I don’t stop the temptation of the thought or the lie immediately upon entering my mind, it becomes stronger and bigger than life when I do decide to tackle it. 
Regaining Control of My ThoughtsPondering this brought me to the reality that this approach puts me constantly in the reaction mode. Here I am years into actively working on my transformation to survivor and I realized I am still reacting to parts of my world versus living in my world completely.
 
I wondered, what would happen if I put down my phone and instead talked to God for a week?  What would happen if I devoted all of my social media, reading the news, and checking out Facebook time to talking with God? Here’s what I discovered:

Without these external influences, I was in the moment with greater clarity and functionality. The hours in the day really felt like they lasted longer!My listening skills were greatly improved. I heard my family members better and participated in conversations more thoroughly.By turning to God more diligently, negative and damaging thoughts didn’t stick around my mind as long. I was much faster at identifying the negative thoughts and turning to God’s word to combat the negativity prior to the thought being more permanent. 
On day 3 of my social media fast I answered a huge prayer for someone in my family. Without me really realizing it until after the situation developed, God used me to deliver a message for Him. Being in that moment allowed me to brag about our awesome God and ensure He received all the glory.
 
On day 5 of my social media fast, I focused hard on the message placed in my heart that even though I can’t control my world, I can control my thoughts towards the situations in my world. I worked hard at distinguishing these two significant but often overlapping dynamics in my world. I went back to empowering the strength of the Holy Spirit to give me the discipline to kick out unhealthy thoughts immediately.
 
The day after I finished my social media fast, a major breakthrough for my heavy heart was lifted.
 
For three continuous days after my fast ended, a person or co-worker was compelled to tell me how God just answered a prayer for them. Here I was, live and in the moment, hearing how God had JUST answered other people’s prayers. I felt so much clarity in bringing Him the praise and glory for answered prayers.
 
I have never experienced this many answered prayers by people in my world in such a short period of time. To say I am in awe is such an understatement.
 
This was by far the best fasting experience I have ever undergone. I now understand the true value of fasting and how this experience brought me so much closer to God.
 
I apologize for the long blog but my excitement couldn’t be contained,
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue  Being MindfulLast weekend, I caught myself thinking about one thing while doing another. Trust me, I find myself doing this all the time! Yet, this time was different; it was more significant because for the first time, I changed my response.
​
I stopped my thought, realized what I was doing, and redirected my thoughts to my activity.
 
I was being mindful of the moment. Really, really mindful of directing my thoughts to the task at hand.
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Putting Priorities In Order

​I love getting the seedling idea for my weekly devotion early in the week. Sometimes I get the topic and start jotting down notes as early as Saturday mornings; sometimes I feel the topic move me early in the week which causes me to pray on it for a few days.
 
I actually have two topics for this week’s blog being tossed around in my mind. One has to do with anxiety and the other is sharing a current experiment I am having with my sugar intake. Both topics interest me so I honestly couldn’t decide which one was stronger on my heart for this week. 
Recovering from Domestic AbuseRearranging PrioritiesRegardless of when the thought starts being formulated, Wednesday nights are the final “need to finalize the blog” night. I can’t remember the last Wednesday night I’ve prepared dinner!
 
But I didn’t write a blog post last night; I barely jotted down some notes. Instead, my 24-year-old son wanted to talk with me. I knew when he asked me “if I had a moment” there was something on his mind; I knew when I said “sure” there was a 95% chance today’s blog wasn’t going to be written.
 
But I said “yes, I’d love to talk.” And, a few hours later I smiled and hugged him so tightly.
 
As I prayed last night and again this morning during my devotion time, I couldn’t find words strong enough to express my gratitude and gratefulness. Throughout all the yuck my kids and I have navigated through, we are still in this together.
 
I love my time with my readers on Thursdays! It felt strange to not post something today; it also felt strange to just throw something together for the sake of putting words on a piece of paper.
 
Sharing my journey has always been about providing hope. My journey is full of examples that God delivers on His word and that God can bring good out of the horrors we’ve experienced.
 
So, today’s post is a simple insight of hope from my world last night. God does restore relationships; God does fix situations to bring out the best; and God does follow through on His promises.
 
I pray a touch of hope brings a little calmness to your day,
 
Sue
[image error] Summer TriggerIt is hard for me to take my children to the swimming pool during the summer months. Within minutes of arriving, jealousy, anger, and sadness overcome me. For me, there is nothing that flaunts happiness and joy like the child-like father playing with his children in the pool.

As I sit watching my children swimming, I can’t help but notice where the laughter is coming from. Even though it is painful, I can’t help but watch so many fathers laugh, smile, and lovingly splash their children. 
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Slowing Down to Value My World

​Last Friday, my daughter and I attended her fall college orientation. We had a wonderful time; girls’ night in the hotel meant junk food for dinner, great conversation where I experienced a special glimpse into her teenage mindset, and her excitement for college which allowed me to see some of the wonderful things God has guided us through. Shopping for dorm room items at Walmart and Target added smiles and laughter to the day.

 I will cherish this special day for years for a variety of reasons. The most prevalent reason though is because I was able to enjoy it. As we toured the campus and met with the staff, I was there, in the moment, the entire time. I was mindful of everything that I was and wasn’t doing.Regaining control of thoughts after abuseYears and years of focused, deliberate efforts towards clearing out my mind of my abuser’s lies brought me to this beautiful day. Although my transformation to take back control of my thoughts has seemed like a never-ending feat, I felt absolute success on this day.
 
But it hasn’t always been this way.
Going through the motions​ Instead of living for the moment, I spent the first few years of being a single mom hoping and praying that I could get through the day. There was so much to be done while raising my three little children. My head was constantly racing prioritizing what needed to be done versus what I was going to put off until tomorrow. Driving my children to their events, homework, dinner routine, laundry, and cleaning the kitchen often sent me into a spiral of tears.
 
I remember wishing the hours and days away. My days seemed to follow the same routine. Waking up, I dreaded getting everyone out of the house in the morning. I fretted knowing that at any moment one bad comment would send the children into a stubborn, I’m not moving stance. As soon as I arrived at work, I was wishing my work day would end soon as possible as there was so much to do. Our dinner and evening routine almost always overwhelmed me as there was never enough time to do it all.
 
I vividly remember wishing the lonely weekends when my children were staying with their dad to end quickly. If there was the slightest chance of rain, I remember wishing the children’s coach would call a rain delay so I could take one thing off my list of things to do for the day. I was going through the motions while feeling extremely numb to what was going on around me.

This Too Shall PassIt is never too late to try enjoying today for the beautiful day God has provided. So much of the fight for my transformation to survivor was fought in my head; defeating the lies of my abuser, regaining self-worth, trusting myself and God. All challenges that required deliberate, Holy Spirit strength discipline to defuse.
 
I never would have been able to enjoy last Friday if I hadn’t put in the work though to push myself through the pain. Trust me, it is something I had to consciously learn how to do!
 
Regaining control of my mind and thoughts was definitely the hardest yet most rewarding part of my journey to survivor. I am so glad I fought the hard fight.
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue ​ Feeling God's PresenceMy journey from domestic violence victim to survivor is in its twelfth year. I’ve made huge strides in my recovery over the past five years (aka nervous breakdown year), yet the anxiety within my head has never completely calmed down. But this past weekend, for one of the few times in my life, I felt totally connected to my world for a beautiful five minutes
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Being Late Vs Right On Time

​Although I posted the blog below a year ago, I continue to struggle with the topic daily. 

Being Late versus Right on Time:

I am the first to admit I have double standards on my anxiety level when I am late leaving the house. If being late is due to my kids (rarely my husband) not being on time, my internal anxiety meter goes from 1 – 10 within two minutes. After two minutes being late from my designated departure time, I am huffy and felling disrespected. Rarely do I care about my children’s “excuses”. 

Yet, when I cause us (kids or husband) to leave after a designated departure time, I am as calm as can be. I just needed longer devotion time. Or maybe my last week’s favorite jeans weren’t fitting this week so I struggled to find something to wear. Sometimes I just lost track of time and truly had no justification. But, I am calm and with a huge smile, ignore those who are complaining about my untimeliness.Anxiety and Domestic Violence​Last Friday morning (again this was a year ago) I planned to leave at exactly 11:00 a.m. to drive across the state to a women’s conference. I worked extremely diligently the day prior to ensure I was able to leave according to my schedule. I woke up ready and excited.

My boss had another idea about what I should be doing this Friday morning. He added this, that, and another this to my morning list of things to get accomplished. Anxiety hit me hard; how dare he impact my travel plans. 

As I text my husband that I am leaving 90 minutes later than planned, he cautions me to be careful with the rain. What! Rain and lateness. My anxiety is in full swing and I haven’t even started the almost six-hour drive.

Two hours into the drive I come to a complete stop on the interstate. Moving at a snail’s pace (and sometimes in park), over an hour later I saw why. Two semi-trucks, family van packed for vacation, and at least three other cars were flipped over and in various positions of destruction in both the left and right lane.

As I drove past the wreck and prayed for the people involved, I thought I heard a reminder: that my time line isn’t always correct. Yet, God’s time line is. Ouch.

There were two more horrific accidents after this one before I got to my destination. My five-and-a-half-hour drive turned into an eight-hour drive. I missed the opening night of the women’s conference.

God’s timing is always right on time:

After I post this blog I’ll probably never remember missing the first night of this women’s conference. But, what I will remember is this: God is in charge of the timeline of my life, not me. And His timeline is always on time. Often not to my liking, but for the good of His people. 

Struggling with waiting on God’s time line is something I struggle with almost daily. Through all my years of transforming from domestic violence victim to survivor, I almost always thought I knew when I was ready to move forward. I thought I always knew when the best time for me to begin the next phase of my recovery was. 

Yet, it was often in God’s waiting period that He provided the most character building events for me.  It was during those times of waiting, that He prepared and strengthened me for the next steps in my journey. Without these waiting periods, I surely would have stumbled a lot more in my journey to survivor. 

Update a year later:

I am so glad I reread this blog post! I don’t mind the fact that I continually struggle with my patience for waiting on God’s timeline; what I care about is that I am focused on improving my relationship with Him! It is okay with me that I am still working on this facet of my journey. 

I know reprograming my thought process’ is going to take a lot of time; for me the struggle is real.  One thing I know for sure, the journey has been (and continues to be) amazing!

Blessings to all,

Sue 
Sunday Nights Are Lonely Nights​I used to dread Sunday nights. There was something about the weekend ending and the work week starting that created an anxious, stirring emotion in my gut.

Sunday nights without my children were even worse. I found, during the days leading to a Sunday night empty nest, that I would save tasks for these lonely nights. Somehow the Sunday night “to do list” always involved doing things I didn’t particularly enjoy, like going through the mail, changing sheets on the beds, or cleaning bathrooms. Keep Reading

Independence (From My Abuser) Day

​Two weeks ago, a friend of mine was excitedly talking about the upcoming 4th of July weekend. She smiled nonstop talking about how her and her family love the 4th holiday. She started reminiscing about some special family memories. Even with Covid restrictions, she had a wonderful weekend planned for this year. As we get closer to the 4th, the same conversation plays out again and again. Painful Holiday Triggers of Abuse​As I bite my tongue and raced painful thoughts quickly through my brain in hopes they didn’t stick around long, I try to be positive to those who share happy memories. Unfortunately, though, here I sit another year in a row, blogging about how the 4th of July is nothing but a huge trigger for me. I remember pieces of the past due to the familiarity of fireworks, fake family cookouts, and other things connected to the forced fun days. For me, Memorial Day and Labor Day don’t have quite the same triggering effects; without distinguishing markers like fireworks, I really can’t tell the difference between the two long weekends that start and end the summer. But, driving around seeing firework vendors on the side of the road for days on end (not as much this year), starts the visual effect for me well before the traditional 4th actually gets here.
 
When I opened up to my friend last weekend about the painful triggers, she recommended I try to switch up the day to independence from my abuser day . What a wonderful suggestion!
 
Honestly though, if I knew how to do this I surely would have already cut ties with this holiday wouldn’t have I?
 
After some soul searching and prayer, I’ve decided on the following for my new holiday: Independence from My Abuser Day which coincidentally falls on July 4th. Here’s how I am going to celebrate the day:
 
1. Serious mindfulness focus: Every time a painful thought comes to my mind instead of just sending it out of my mind, I am going to process it. I am going to remind myself that my abuser no longer exists in my world; my world is no longer dangerous; and the pain of the memory can no longer hurt me.
2. More serious mindfulness focus: I am going to stay home and avoid all references to a family traditional weekend. To do this I am going to avoid any pool or water activities, I am not driving past the mall and potential firework tents, and I am going to avoid walking later in the afternoon when there seems to be multiple cars parked at certain houses.
3. Even more mindfulness focus:  I am going to avoid Facebook and social media. Honestly, I am happy other people are able to enjoy this holiday! But I don’t need to be reminded of their happiness all day long; I should just take a day off of Facebook.
4. Obtaining mindfulness strength through prayer: The ultimate mindfulness focus comes from my activating and relying on the holy spirit to give me the discipline to be cognizant of my PTSD while allowing myself to be focused on being in the here and now of my safe environment.
 
I am relying on lots of intentional focus on my thoughts this Saturday to get me through the day emotionally safer than previous years. This year is going to be different! I am going to control my thoughts and actions; not vice versa.
 
Please share any strategies you are using to get through this weekend,
 
Blessings,
 
Sue 
Painful HolidaysLast year's 4th of July blog:
Another 4th of July. Another painful weekend. For me, in addition to the 4th, I find Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday seasons painful.Keep Reading

Missing Out on Summer Vacations

​During the school year, most of my requests to my abuser for extra financial support due to the ebb and flow of kids in school, were met with a huge nope; I don’t have any money. Yet, summer after summer my abuser always had time and money to take the children on a week-long vacation to the beach. Honestly, going to the beach probably isn’t a fair statement; he had time, pretend patience, and money to take them to amusement parks, water parks, and all sorts of tourist activities while going to the beach. 
Co Parenting with Abusive Ex​I hated unpacking the stuffed animals and trinkets from the gift shops upon their arrival home. I hated my children’s anticipation of the trips and their excitement when they got home. I hated the week mopping by myself wondering why my life had become so messed up as I was pretty sure I was the only mother in the world not able to take their kids on at least a weekend vacation each summer.
 
But, over the years, my children have taught me a few valuable lessons such as:
 Eventually my abuser’s ability to “buy” our children’s love wore off. As they grew up they started looking for substance in their relationship with their father. As he continued to disappoint them in cancelling events or dragging them around to his various “friends” houses, they realized they weren’t the most important thing in his life.Summer vacations are great for families, but stability, love, nurturing and security were more important for my children to see.I am not a bad mother because I can’t take my children on a summer vacation. Instead, I am actually teaching my children how to live within our monetary means and prioritize what is important.  
Over the past 13 years I have shown my children that they are the most important thing in my life. They’ve noticed me give up everything to be there for them, protect them, and nurture them. I introduced my children early on about budgets; we splurged together and gave up together.
 
Below are a few Bible verses that greatly assisted me in getting through my lonely times during the summer:
 Proverbs 13:7 (ESV) One pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealthProverbs 21:2 (ESV) Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heartPsalm 34:18 (ESV) The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit 
Additionally, I challenge everyone who has that nagging lie circling around in their thoughts to squash it with a huge sledge hammer: we are not bad mother’s because we don’t have the financial means to take our children on vacation! Please repeat this with me hundreds of times a day!
 
My hope is that by sharing my pain, it will help others realize they are not alone. I would never down play the pain and loneliness of these days. But, I can offer a testimony as someone who is grateful she leaned on God to get her through it all.
 
Blessings to all,
 
Sue 
Loneliness vs Being Alone​I find comfort in knowing I am not the only embarrassed, hurting, confused, and self-doubting female in a crowd. Trust me; I am not comforted by the fact that other women have been hurt! No, I am comforted by the fact that I am not the only person who has experienced this type of pain. The secrecy of my abuse let me to believe that I was the only person in the world who allowed her abuser to get away with such atrocities.Keep Reading

Special Podcast Appearance

I had the pleasure of joining Virginia Knowles on the Growing into the Ministry Podcast this week. 

Though primarily a resource for people who want to grow spiritually as they help others, one of the main themes within Growing into the Ministry is effectively caring for women who have experienced any form of domestic abuse. Please join  Virginia and I as we discuss some powerful lessons I've learned during my journey to survivor.Interview: About Domestic AbuseGrowing into the Ministry
​Growing into the Ministry has two purposes. Though primarily a resource for people who want to grow spiritually as they help others, one of its main themes is effectively caring for women who have experienced any form of domestic abuse. Virginia Knowles, who  started this podcast and blog as a project during her internship at Asbury Seminary, is a survivor advocate and mother of 10. Related Episodes of Growing into the Ministry:Episode 4: Theological Reflections on the Church's Response to Marital Abuse
Episode 3: Examining the Church's Response to Marital Abuse
Episode 2: Prayers for Racial Reconciliation and Justice
Blessings,
Sue
​Believing I Deserve to be Punished​My first attempt at reconnecting with my faith started three years before the night my abuser held me in a choke hold. At the time, I had nowhere else to turn; my three-year-old daughter had cancer.
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