Jeremy L. Jones's Blog, page 7
January 16, 2020
A Rambling Rant For A Rambling Chapter
Chapter 7 Author CommentaryThere is a lot of building up to the next thing in this chapter. It makes it hard to talk about what I was trying to do other than setting up the dominos to knock down later.
We meet Joana for a start. When it came to a romantic interest for Cronus I didn't spend a lot of time putting it together, it just... happened. Joana emerged from my mind pretty fully formed; hella Zuse-style. She obviously had to be technologically proficient just to have that shared interest with Cronus. I couldn't see him paying attention otherwise. And though Cytherea has some pretty well-defined gender roles, they don't encourage women to be less-than. On the contrary, the carrots and sticks of Cytherean society strikes me as one that would breed fierce competitiveness. But, at the same time, I don't think those same carrots and sticks encourage a lot of introspection and free thought and those are the qualities that set Joana apart from the rest of her society.
Firefly was and continues to be a big inspiration for this series and it seemed only proper that Kaylee was a bit of an inspiration for Joana but, as we will see, Joana has an edge about her. Okay, yeah I know Kaylee could get a little feisty as well but Joana gets there a lot faster and it' quite a bit less adorable.
Adorable as fuck.
There is also a sadness or a longing about her that, I hope, comes out in time. It's clear right from the start that she doesn't quite fit into the grand scheme of Cytherean society and, in the great tradition of ill-placed dreamers and free-thinkers, feels a kind of restlessness. Which, I think, is another connection for her and Cronus.
I really did enjoy writing Cronus' and Joana's storyline if only because it's so infuriatingly awkward. But, again, it's hard to talk about now. Just strap in and wait. It's coming.
The conversation between Althea and Viekko feels stuck-in even as I read it now. Mostly because it is. There was probably a more elegant way of getting those thoughts between them out before what is about to happen... well, happens. But I didn't find it. So they have to have it out now because I need Viekko in a certain frame of mind for the next scene.
This is the novel equivalent of doing your homework on the bus, but there it is.
That's how it goes sometimes.
We meet Joana for a start. When it came to a romantic interest for Cronus I didn't spend a lot of time putting it together, it just... happened. Joana emerged from my mind pretty fully formed; hella Zuse-style. She obviously had to be technologically proficient just to have that shared interest with Cronus. I couldn't see him paying attention otherwise. And though Cytherea has some pretty well-defined gender roles, they don't encourage women to be less-than. On the contrary, the carrots and sticks of Cytherean society strikes me as one that would breed fierce competitiveness. But, at the same time, I don't think those same carrots and sticks encourage a lot of introspection and free thought and those are the qualities that set Joana apart from the rest of her society.
Firefly was and continues to be a big inspiration for this series and it seemed only proper that Kaylee was a bit of an inspiration for Joana but, as we will see, Joana has an edge about her. Okay, yeah I know Kaylee could get a little feisty as well but Joana gets there a lot faster and it' quite a bit less adorable.
Adorable as fuck.There is also a sadness or a longing about her that, I hope, comes out in time. It's clear right from the start that she doesn't quite fit into the grand scheme of Cytherean society and, in the great tradition of ill-placed dreamers and free-thinkers, feels a kind of restlessness. Which, I think, is another connection for her and Cronus.
I really did enjoy writing Cronus' and Joana's storyline if only because it's so infuriatingly awkward. But, again, it's hard to talk about now. Just strap in and wait. It's coming.
The conversation between Althea and Viekko feels stuck-in even as I read it now. Mostly because it is. There was probably a more elegant way of getting those thoughts between them out before what is about to happen... well, happens. But I didn't find it. So they have to have it out now because I need Viekko in a certain frame of mind for the next scene.
This is the novel equivalent of doing your homework on the bus, but there it is.
That's how it goes sometimes.
January 9, 2020
8 Things About The Crimson Deathbringer
A galactic war rages among the stars and Earth is caught in the middle.
Jim, an ace airforce pilot, is caught in the gears a brutal dictatorial regime when his buddy from the resistance shows up unannounced. Jim is taken to a prison along withhis friend and expects to die when he is whisked away by an Akakie ship and told about the coming invasion by the Xortaags.
Now he must face insurmountable odds, certain death, and a group of aliens that see every moment as the opportunity for a prank. Armed with a team of quirky characters, his piloting skills, and a seemingly endless stream of pop culture references, it's Jim against the Xortaag Empire. If he fails, Earth is doomed.
1. Is Everyone Reading This Same Book?I really try not to get hung up on reviews, especially star ratings, which are about as useful determining the quality of a book as cats are at picking stocks on the NYSE. (Although apparently, one cat is amazing at it.) But I do find differing opinions interesting especially when the experience for others is drastically different from mine. With this book, I became a little obsessed with the reviews because people seem to genuinely love it. Like the leruvveeee it! Several reviews gush about the masterful language, characters that pop off the page and clever dialogue.
But for me, it wasn't terribly well written. The story barrels forward at a breakneck pace without taking a single moment for character development, mood, or setting. The characters never develop past their basic archetypes, and the 'clever dialogue' is a never-ending stream of pop culture references.
I get the fact that people like what they like, but this perplexed the fuck out of me. But, then again, I might be biased.
2. Jeremy's First Bias: He Fucking Hates Comic Book Movies:Or rather I should say that I am just goddamned sick of them. Which puts me in an awkward situation in geek culture. I think a good deal of my target audience not only like the barrage of CG-dominated, annoyingly quotable, mass-produced cultural extravaganzas but love them with all the hearty hearts a heart can heart.
I don't. They are mass-produced firework shows with mix-and-match storylines and they can go away now please and thank you.
But it's pretty clear the author is among the Comic Book Movie Faithful as he peppers this book with an endless stream of one-liners and concepts lifted directly from the latest superhero blockbuster clusterfuck.
And the geek-cred he earns in the process seems to be a selling point for this book. But for me...
3. Cliches and References Are One In The SameHaving one's main character parrot a line from a popular movie might make many a geeky heart swoon, but, for me, it shows a basic lack of creativity. It's a shortcut. It's a cop-out. It's lazy writing pure and simple.
Good writing involves finding that perfect turn of phrase or touching upon that idea that knocks something loose in the reader's brain and expressing that in a way that's both clever and thought-provoking.
Lazy writing is repeating the same shit that you know people will already like, turning it in, and basking in the second-hand applause. Which is a lot easier. And probably more profitable.
Still, I think it's better to pen the line that all the lazy writers want to quote. Or at least it's harder... and probably less profitable.
....
...
Shit.
4. Jeremy's Second Bias: He Fucking Hates Dude-Bros Who Get Whatever They WantBut maybe its because I have no way to relate to them.
The main character, Jim, comes off as an incredible douche. He's a chiseled-jaw fighting ace who is convinced that every woman in the Known Universe wants to sleep with him. He literally wrote the book on air combat and gets a little hard-on when people quote it around him. Which actually happens. He constantly walks around, convinced of his own greatness, which he effortlessly proves time and again.
His only trait that makes him slightly more than a douchy Dudley Do-Right is the fact that he's constantly arguing with this strange voice of self-doubt in his head. Of course, he calls it Venom, which adds yet another annoying recurring pop culture reference. And it never really has any impact on his outward personality.
But I could be wrong. Maybe that is a sincere depiction. Maybe being a confident dude means you just walk around, ignoring the screaming Voice of Insecurity in your head. You go about your Confident Dude life in doing Confident Dude things and just stomp down that nagging feeling of helplessness and anxiety that us lesser dudes let rule our lives.
Actually, I like the idea that every confident dude is just a thin veneer of cool painted over a soul that is literally going to crumble in the slightest breeze.
5. An Alien Invasion Movie as Told By A Caffeinated Teenage Boy
This book read like a blockbuster movie as described by a kid that really needs to lay off the espresso. It was like reading: "Then then he was all like, PEWPEWPEW I'll be back! And then he was like, Not IN My House! PEWPEWPEW Kablooie! Luke, I Am Your Father! Then he comes out and says I'm Batman! PEWPEWPEW! BOOM! IT WAS SO COOL!"
Jesus, kid. Cool your tits. Hakuna your ta-tas.
6. The Book Equivalent of and Identity Crisis:
Also, this book never seemed like it knew what it wanted to be. It veers drunkenly between an alien invasion thriller, an authoritarian dystopia, and a bad high school comedy. And while it could be possible to stitch these together in a way that makes for a compelling read, it just doesn't happen here.
There's a good example of this early in the book where Jim finds out that the Akakianas are also kind of douchy horn-dogs, so he takes them out to a strip club to pick up porn stars.
This is a thing that happens.
Which is fine. It's not like there's an alien invasion they have to plan for.
7. Jeremy's Third Bias: A Deep Distrust of Hype:To the credit of the author and/or the people promoting his book, they were quite effective. This basically exploded all over my social media for about a month. And they all breathlessly describe this #1 Amazon bestseller and tout endless five-star reviews.
I'm a contrarian by nature. So I can't say with 100% certainty that I didn't go into this book looking for things to annoy me.
8. The Verdict ⭐⭐⭐But man, did I find a lot to annoy me. For me, this was a two-star. I was a little on the fence about finishing at all.
But I've gotta take a couple of things into consideration. First, if I were to give my list of complaints to the author, I'm pretty sure he would just grin and say, "I know! Isn't it great!?"
I get this impression that Sean Robbins genuinely wanted to write a kooky, semi-serious alien invasion adventure that rolls around in geek culture like a pig in shit. And if that truly was his goal, Mission Accomplished.
And second, this kind of thing has an audience. Far from being a negative, I think people can and do enjoy a book written by someone who not only loves geek pop culture but lets it hang out for all to see. They like the references to their favorite movies, they love the fact that it doesn't take itself seriously and they would tell a cranky, snobby, asshole like me to shut up and just enjoy it.
Which, yeah... fair enough.
I will say this. In the Afterword, the author mentions that in the original version he went 'full Deadpool' and spent a great deal of time breaking the fourth wall before his editor took it out for being too distracting.
To that editor, I say, from the bottom of my black, cranky little heart, thank you. It was probably the only thing that kept me from throwing this book across the room. And since I read it on my Kindle, you saved me from being very sad.
Jim, an ace airforce pilot, is caught in the gears a brutal dictatorial regime when his buddy from the resistance shows up unannounced. Jim is taken to a prison along withhis friend and expects to die when he is whisked away by an Akakie ship and told about the coming invasion by the Xortaags.
Now he must face insurmountable odds, certain death, and a group of aliens that see every moment as the opportunity for a prank. Armed with a team of quirky characters, his piloting skills, and a seemingly endless stream of pop culture references, it's Jim against the Xortaag Empire. If he fails, Earth is doomed.
1. Is Everyone Reading This Same Book?I really try not to get hung up on reviews, especially star ratings, which are about as useful determining the quality of a book as cats are at picking stocks on the NYSE. (Although apparently, one cat is amazing at it.) But I do find differing opinions interesting especially when the experience for others is drastically different from mine. With this book, I became a little obsessed with the reviews because people seem to genuinely love it. Like the leruvveeee it! Several reviews gush about the masterful language, characters that pop off the page and clever dialogue.
But for me, it wasn't terribly well written. The story barrels forward at a breakneck pace without taking a single moment for character development, mood, or setting. The characters never develop past their basic archetypes, and the 'clever dialogue' is a never-ending stream of pop culture references.
I get the fact that people like what they like, but this perplexed the fuck out of me. But, then again, I might be biased.
2. Jeremy's First Bias: He Fucking Hates Comic Book Movies:Or rather I should say that I am just goddamned sick of them. Which puts me in an awkward situation in geek culture. I think a good deal of my target audience not only like the barrage of CG-dominated, annoyingly quotable, mass-produced cultural extravaganzas but love them with all the hearty hearts a heart can heart.
I don't. They are mass-produced firework shows with mix-and-match storylines and they can go away now please and thank you.
But it's pretty clear the author is among the Comic Book Movie Faithful as he peppers this book with an endless stream of one-liners and concepts lifted directly from the latest superhero blockbuster clusterfuck.
And the geek-cred he earns in the process seems to be a selling point for this book. But for me...
3. Cliches and References Are One In The SameHaving one's main character parrot a line from a popular movie might make many a geeky heart swoon, but, for me, it shows a basic lack of creativity. It's a shortcut. It's a cop-out. It's lazy writing pure and simple.
Good writing involves finding that perfect turn of phrase or touching upon that idea that knocks something loose in the reader's brain and expressing that in a way that's both clever and thought-provoking.
Lazy writing is repeating the same shit that you know people will already like, turning it in, and basking in the second-hand applause. Which is a lot easier. And probably more profitable.
Still, I think it's better to pen the line that all the lazy writers want to quote. Or at least it's harder... and probably less profitable.
....
...
Shit.
4. Jeremy's Second Bias: He Fucking Hates Dude-Bros Who Get Whatever They WantBut maybe its because I have no way to relate to them.
The main character, Jim, comes off as an incredible douche. He's a chiseled-jaw fighting ace who is convinced that every woman in the Known Universe wants to sleep with him. He literally wrote the book on air combat and gets a little hard-on when people quote it around him. Which actually happens. He constantly walks around, convinced of his own greatness, which he effortlessly proves time and again.
His only trait that makes him slightly more than a douchy Dudley Do-Right is the fact that he's constantly arguing with this strange voice of self-doubt in his head. Of course, he calls it Venom, which adds yet another annoying recurring pop culture reference. And it never really has any impact on his outward personality.
But I could be wrong. Maybe that is a sincere depiction. Maybe being a confident dude means you just walk around, ignoring the screaming Voice of Insecurity in your head. You go about your Confident Dude life in doing Confident Dude things and just stomp down that nagging feeling of helplessness and anxiety that us lesser dudes let rule our lives.
Actually, I like the idea that every confident dude is just a thin veneer of cool painted over a soul that is literally going to crumble in the slightest breeze.
5. An Alien Invasion Movie as Told By A Caffeinated Teenage Boy
This book read like a blockbuster movie as described by a kid that really needs to lay off the espresso. It was like reading: "Then then he was all like, PEWPEWPEW I'll be back! And then he was like, Not IN My House! PEWPEWPEW Kablooie! Luke, I Am Your Father! Then he comes out and says I'm Batman! PEWPEWPEW! BOOM! IT WAS SO COOL!"
Jesus, kid. Cool your tits. Hakuna your ta-tas.
6. The Book Equivalent of and Identity Crisis:
Also, this book never seemed like it knew what it wanted to be. It veers drunkenly between an alien invasion thriller, an authoritarian dystopia, and a bad high school comedy. And while it could be possible to stitch these together in a way that makes for a compelling read, it just doesn't happen here.
There's a good example of this early in the book where Jim finds out that the Akakianas are also kind of douchy horn-dogs, so he takes them out to a strip club to pick up porn stars.
This is a thing that happens.
Which is fine. It's not like there's an alien invasion they have to plan for.
7. Jeremy's Third Bias: A Deep Distrust of Hype:To the credit of the author and/or the people promoting his book, they were quite effective. This basically exploded all over my social media for about a month. And they all breathlessly describe this #1 Amazon bestseller and tout endless five-star reviews.
I'm a contrarian by nature. So I can't say with 100% certainty that I didn't go into this book looking for things to annoy me.
8. The Verdict ⭐⭐⭐But man, did I find a lot to annoy me. For me, this was a two-star. I was a little on the fence about finishing at all.
But I've gotta take a couple of things into consideration. First, if I were to give my list of complaints to the author, I'm pretty sure he would just grin and say, "I know! Isn't it great!?"
I get this impression that Sean Robbins genuinely wanted to write a kooky, semi-serious alien invasion adventure that rolls around in geek culture like a pig in shit. And if that truly was his goal, Mission Accomplished.
And second, this kind of thing has an audience. Far from being a negative, I think people can and do enjoy a book written by someone who not only loves geek pop culture but lets it hang out for all to see. They like the references to their favorite movies, they love the fact that it doesn't take itself seriously and they would tell a cranky, snobby, asshole like me to shut up and just enjoy it.
Which, yeah... fair enough.
I will say this. In the Afterword, the author mentions that in the original version he went 'full Deadpool' and spent a great deal of time breaking the fourth wall before his editor took it out for being too distracting.
To that editor, I say, from the bottom of my black, cranky little heart, thank you. It was probably the only thing that kept me from throwing this book across the room. And since I read it on my Kindle, you saved me from being very sad.
January 8, 2020
Everyone, Meet Rainha Isabel Maximilliano. Isabel, Everyone.
Author's CommentaryTemplum Veneris Chapter 6
Well now that we've got the characters good and riled up, we can start getting into why they've come to Venus in the first place. In this series, it feels like I set up the sub-plots long before I get to the main plot and, in a sense, the book interrupts the personal, every-day struggles of Viekko, Althea and the others. But I feel those stories need to come from when they are not on an off-world mission so it's a bit inevitable.
But anyway, Viekko and Althea are on the rocks. Isra's career is barely hanging on and Cronus is wrestling with some pretty major lifestyle changes. So now it's time to get to work.
This first scene when they are marching down the street on Venus is our first glance at the society that will form the basis of the coming conflict. Viekko pretty much voices the mood that I'm going for. You get the sense that the other characters don't see what he sees and that's to be expected. People who see and have to deal with violence (soldiers, police officers, security personnel, etc.) see the world very differently in my experience.
Art By Angela Vincent The rest of us take for granted that we can go about our day without someone deliberately trying to kill us. But there are those for whom that is not a given and Viekko, as a warrior, is tapping into that. The fact that he is walking into a situation where he will be facing a significant tactical disadvantage creates this nice mood of, what I can only describe as, friendly eeriness. The Overlook Hotel from The Shining comes to mind. The opening scenes show a very nice, very cozy hotel but the audience knows some heavy shit is about to go down.
I suppose it depends on how you look at it.
The scene in the garden is useful for a couple of reasons. First, its a sneaky little way of throwing some history of Cytherea into the mix without getting bogged down in some infodump. When it comes time to do the extra short stories leading up to the third book, I think I will delve deeper into the history of Cytherea but, for now, I think it gives the reader enough to know what kind of vicious bastards they are dealing with.
And finally, we meet the ruler of Venus. Rainha Isabel Maximilliano.
When I'm trying to flesh out a character, I tend to go flipping through a google image search and find something that knocks a few pieces loose in my brain. Since Sparta was the inspiration for Cythearean culture in general, it seems appropriate that the image of a Spartan queen as drawn by artist Vin Roc serves as the inspiration for Isabel. Not only physically, but, with her enticing eyes and the barely concealed knife, mentally as well.
Like the Boba Fett greek helmet from the last author commentary, I find images help keep me centered. Especially in the first draft when it's the wild fuckin west out there. Words are being slammed onto the page with nary a fuck to be found for miles. It's my favorite part of the creative process but also the scariest as I can, and do, wander far, far away from my original ideas. Images serve as a lifeline of sorts. Something I keep by my desk so I can look up from time to time and remember what the figgity fuck I was supposed to be writing about in the first place.
When venturing into the wilderness, it's a good idea to throw some breadcrumbs behind you.
Well now that we've got the characters good and riled up, we can start getting into why they've come to Venus in the first place. In this series, it feels like I set up the sub-plots long before I get to the main plot and, in a sense, the book interrupts the personal, every-day struggles of Viekko, Althea and the others. But I feel those stories need to come from when they are not on an off-world mission so it's a bit inevitable.
But anyway, Viekko and Althea are on the rocks. Isra's career is barely hanging on and Cronus is wrestling with some pretty major lifestyle changes. So now it's time to get to work.
This first scene when they are marching down the street on Venus is our first glance at the society that will form the basis of the coming conflict. Viekko pretty much voices the mood that I'm going for. You get the sense that the other characters don't see what he sees and that's to be expected. People who see and have to deal with violence (soldiers, police officers, security personnel, etc.) see the world very differently in my experience.
Art By Angela Vincent The rest of us take for granted that we can go about our day without someone deliberately trying to kill us. But there are those for whom that is not a given and Viekko, as a warrior, is tapping into that. The fact that he is walking into a situation where he will be facing a significant tactical disadvantage creates this nice mood of, what I can only describe as, friendly eeriness. The Overlook Hotel from The Shining comes to mind. The opening scenes show a very nice, very cozy hotel but the audience knows some heavy shit is about to go down.I suppose it depends on how you look at it.
The scene in the garden is useful for a couple of reasons. First, its a sneaky little way of throwing some history of Cytherea into the mix without getting bogged down in some infodump. When it comes time to do the extra short stories leading up to the third book, I think I will delve deeper into the history of Cytherea but, for now, I think it gives the reader enough to know what kind of vicious bastards they are dealing with.
And finally, we meet the ruler of Venus. Rainha Isabel Maximilliano.
When I'm trying to flesh out a character, I tend to go flipping through a google image search and find something that knocks a few pieces loose in my brain. Since Sparta was the inspiration for Cythearean culture in general, it seems appropriate that the image of a Spartan queen as drawn by artist Vin Roc serves as the inspiration for Isabel. Not only physically, but, with her enticing eyes and the barely concealed knife, mentally as well.
Like the Boba Fett greek helmet from the last author commentary, I find images help keep me centered. Especially in the first draft when it's the wild fuckin west out there. Words are being slammed onto the page with nary a fuck to be found for miles. It's my favorite part of the creative process but also the scariest as I can, and do, wander far, far away from my original ideas. Images serve as a lifeline of sorts. Something I keep by my desk so I can look up from time to time and remember what the figgity fuck I was supposed to be writing about in the first place.
When venturing into the wilderness, it's a good idea to throw some breadcrumbs behind you.
December 24, 2019
Vieko Spade Reviews Jeremy's Top 20 Books of 2019 Part 4
Editors Note: This is the last installment of a series where one of the main characters of my books reviews my favorite books this year. The opinions expressed herein are those of Viekko Spade and are not necessarily shared by Jeremy L. Jones or Saga of Insanity.
Well, this is it. Thank you to everyone who sat down for a while to... I don't know, listen to me talk about stories. But you know, stories are all we have really. Both the real ones and the fake ones. The ones that we tell ourselves and the ones we tell others. It's the way we put a chaotic Universe in some sort of perspective, assignin' order to...
Nevermind me; I'm ramblin', I guess.
Jeremy will be back next week to keep ranting about books, his and those he stumbles across. Probably some other things too. At least he'll probably be back. Haven't seen him for a few days.
Oh well, here we go — Jeremy's top 5 books of 2019. Here we go.
#5 Snow Crash:So in this book, there’s this computer virus. Only humans can get it too. Like if you tune a radio to that spot in between frequencies, you can get this random static. Cronus tells me you run that signal through a video converter, and you get this flurry of white that looks a bit like snow. Well, that’s apparently what your mind sees when this virus hits you. Also, strangely, what my mind felt like after reading this book. You got this sword wielding hacker, a sassy little girl some bad guy that seems to be built out of nothing but muscle and anger. (He’s got a nuke by the way.) Throw in some ancient Babylonian myth, a virtual world and a real world that’s gone and sold itself to various corporations (that part sounds familiar) mix ‘em all together, and you get Snow Crash. Not sure what I think about this book. It’s like the guy who wrote it threw everything he could think of in a mixer and turned that sucker up to ten. It makes just enough sense to pick out a sorta-kinda story, but it will leave you dizzy if you let it.
I guess I liked it well enough. But I'd have to go back and read it again to try and figure out where all the pieces and parts fit together. Which means I'd have to subject myself to this weird world again and... and you know what? I'm good.
Jeremy's Review of Snow Crash
#4 On Writing:I guess if you are a writer, this might be your thing. This guy Steven King seems to think he’s a writer. Must have been a big deal a thousand years ago but, I ain't never heard of him. Some good ideas. Some stuff about his life that made me laugh. A good story about how a guy came from nothin' and made a life for himself as well as a few tips on how other people might do it too. I ain't ever been much for writin' though. See the problem with writin' stuff down is that people know exactly what you said and then they got proof that you said it.
Too much trouble if you ask me.
Jeremy's Review of On Writing
#3 My Dad Wrote a PornoFor the love of the Gods of the Endless Copper Skies, keep this the khayakh away from Cronus. He don’t know any better and, he might actually think this is how people shuvuud in the real world. He’s just dumb enough to try. I pity the poor girl… or whoever else he happens to.
So apparently this guy’s dad went and wrote a filthy book. And then, for reasons that escape me, he shared it with his son. And if that weren’t nokhoi baas crazy enough, the son went and shared it with his friends and, eventually, the entire world. And, I gotta say it made me laugh so hard it hurt a little. The book is basically presented as a critique of some great work of literature… except the ‘great literature’ in question might be the most horrible sex book ever crafted by man or woman.
I can’t imagine my dad writing something like this. I mean, growing up on a farm, sex is just one of the many things that happen. We don’t think much about it. We don't talk much about it. All my dad did was pull me aside when I got to a certain age and made sure I knew what went where and what can happen if it does. Pretty comprehensive. Man, if I go back home and my dad tells me he went and wrote a whole book about sex, I’m leavin. As far as I can get. I don’t know if they got places outside the solar system but I might look into it.
Still, funny stuff.
Jeremy's Review of My Dad Wrote A Porno
#2 A Game of Thrones:This was the first book in that fantasy series I talked about last week. Liked this one better. In Clash of Kings, there was a lot goin’ on and, not much of it seemed to matter much. I mean it all needed to happen, you don’t get to where you’re goin by cutting out the middle, but still. This is the begining. Where the story takes off.
And it mostly follows the Starks who, yeah, I can get behind that family. They got old-school Martian ways about them. They are hard and strong and, they are as bendable as a block of iron. It gets them into trouble though. Makes you realize that those ideals like honor, duty, devotion and, kindness, they are important but, holding on to 'em will get you killed.
But on that note, so will being a crazed, murderous khoyor mogoin khuked. Lots of ways to die in this world and, I think this book covers most of them.
Jeremy's Review of A Game of Thrones
And Jeremy's #1 Pick for 2019:
Xenoman
What the baas did I just read?
This book was a lot like Snow Crash, only it made even less sense. It’s got this guy Xeno who’s wandering through this commercial hellscape tryin' to find a cure for some drug that’s makin' people explode. And along the way, there’s crazed pop stars and love-sick video avatars, sentient flowerpots… I remember this old story my mama told me about a girl who falls down a rabbit hole and runs into all manner of screwed up creatures. Yeah, it’s like that but without any sense holdin' it together.
All I can say is that there’s somethin’ wrong with Jeremy. I mean there was some good books on this list, some okay books, and some weird books and then there was Xenoman.
Can’t say I would read it again. Don’t know how I read it the first time and I don’t know how it got the top spot on this list. But if you’re so inclined, go read it. See if it makes any more sense to you.
Jeremy's Review of Xenoman and, also, It’s a SubGenius thing Viekko.
Well, that’s it. The end of the list. Don’t rightly know how to end this. Probably should end with remindin' everyone readin' this that you can follow me and the rest of my team. Jeremy went and wrote books about our adventures, and you can find them here and here.
Though given what I now know about his inspirations, I have some serious reservations about how my story is bein' told. I don’t think I’m allowed to read 'em, though. Might rip space-time or somethin' like that.
But you all should. And then let me know if there’s somethin' I should be worried about.
Well, this is it. Thank you to everyone who sat down for a while to... I don't know, listen to me talk about stories. But you know, stories are all we have really. Both the real ones and the fake ones. The ones that we tell ourselves and the ones we tell others. It's the way we put a chaotic Universe in some sort of perspective, assignin' order to...
Nevermind me; I'm ramblin', I guess.
Jeremy will be back next week to keep ranting about books, his and those he stumbles across. Probably some other things too. At least he'll probably be back. Haven't seen him for a few days.
Oh well, here we go — Jeremy's top 5 books of 2019. Here we go.
#5 Snow Crash:So in this book, there’s this computer virus. Only humans can get it too. Like if you tune a radio to that spot in between frequencies, you can get this random static. Cronus tells me you run that signal through a video converter, and you get this flurry of white that looks a bit like snow. Well, that’s apparently what your mind sees when this virus hits you. Also, strangely, what my mind felt like after reading this book. You got this sword wielding hacker, a sassy little girl some bad guy that seems to be built out of nothing but muscle and anger. (He’s got a nuke by the way.) Throw in some ancient Babylonian myth, a virtual world and a real world that’s gone and sold itself to various corporations (that part sounds familiar) mix ‘em all together, and you get Snow Crash. Not sure what I think about this book. It’s like the guy who wrote it threw everything he could think of in a mixer and turned that sucker up to ten. It makes just enough sense to pick out a sorta-kinda story, but it will leave you dizzy if you let it.I guess I liked it well enough. But I'd have to go back and read it again to try and figure out where all the pieces and parts fit together. Which means I'd have to subject myself to this weird world again and... and you know what? I'm good.
Jeremy's Review of Snow Crash
#4 On Writing:I guess if you are a writer, this might be your thing. This guy Steven King seems to think he’s a writer. Must have been a big deal a thousand years ago but, I ain't never heard of him. Some good ideas. Some stuff about his life that made me laugh. A good story about how a guy came from nothin' and made a life for himself as well as a few tips on how other people might do it too. I ain't ever been much for writin' though. See the problem with writin' stuff down is that people know exactly what you said and then they got proof that you said it.Too much trouble if you ask me.
Jeremy's Review of On Writing
#3 My Dad Wrote a PornoFor the love of the Gods of the Endless Copper Skies, keep this the khayakh away from Cronus. He don’t know any better and, he might actually think this is how people shuvuud in the real world. He’s just dumb enough to try. I pity the poor girl… or whoever else he happens to.So apparently this guy’s dad went and wrote a filthy book. And then, for reasons that escape me, he shared it with his son. And if that weren’t nokhoi baas crazy enough, the son went and shared it with his friends and, eventually, the entire world. And, I gotta say it made me laugh so hard it hurt a little. The book is basically presented as a critique of some great work of literature… except the ‘great literature’ in question might be the most horrible sex book ever crafted by man or woman.
I can’t imagine my dad writing something like this. I mean, growing up on a farm, sex is just one of the many things that happen. We don’t think much about it. We don't talk much about it. All my dad did was pull me aside when I got to a certain age and made sure I knew what went where and what can happen if it does. Pretty comprehensive. Man, if I go back home and my dad tells me he went and wrote a whole book about sex, I’m leavin. As far as I can get. I don’t know if they got places outside the solar system but I might look into it.
Still, funny stuff.
Jeremy's Review of My Dad Wrote A Porno
#2 A Game of Thrones:This was the first book in that fantasy series I talked about last week. Liked this one better. In Clash of Kings, there was a lot goin’ on and, not much of it seemed to matter much. I mean it all needed to happen, you don’t get to where you’re goin by cutting out the middle, but still. This is the begining. Where the story takes off.And it mostly follows the Starks who, yeah, I can get behind that family. They got old-school Martian ways about them. They are hard and strong and, they are as bendable as a block of iron. It gets them into trouble though. Makes you realize that those ideals like honor, duty, devotion and, kindness, they are important but, holding on to 'em will get you killed.
But on that note, so will being a crazed, murderous khoyor mogoin khuked. Lots of ways to die in this world and, I think this book covers most of them.
Jeremy's Review of A Game of Thrones
And Jeremy's #1 Pick for 2019:
XenomanWhat the baas did I just read?
This book was a lot like Snow Crash, only it made even less sense. It’s got this guy Xeno who’s wandering through this commercial hellscape tryin' to find a cure for some drug that’s makin' people explode. And along the way, there’s crazed pop stars and love-sick video avatars, sentient flowerpots… I remember this old story my mama told me about a girl who falls down a rabbit hole and runs into all manner of screwed up creatures. Yeah, it’s like that but without any sense holdin' it together.
All I can say is that there’s somethin’ wrong with Jeremy. I mean there was some good books on this list, some okay books, and some weird books and then there was Xenoman.
Can’t say I would read it again. Don’t know how I read it the first time and I don’t know how it got the top spot on this list. But if you’re so inclined, go read it. See if it makes any more sense to you.
Jeremy's Review of Xenoman and, also, It’s a SubGenius thing Viekko.
Well, that’s it. The end of the list. Don’t rightly know how to end this. Probably should end with remindin' everyone readin' this that you can follow me and the rest of my team. Jeremy went and wrote books about our adventures, and you can find them here and here.
Though given what I now know about his inspirations, I have some serious reservations about how my story is bein' told. I don’t think I’m allowed to read 'em, though. Might rip space-time or somethin' like that.
But you all should. And then let me know if there’s somethin' I should be worried about.
December 18, 2019
Viekko Spade Reviews Jeremy's Top 20 Books Of 2019 Part 3
Just past the halfway point. I think it's all downhill from here.
For those of you just joinin' us, my name is Viekko Spade. You may have come across my most recent adventures in a couple of stories. If you haven't, I've got it on good authority that you can find them here and here.
Anyway, Jeremy handed me a whole stack of books and asked if I'd read and review them for you. I'm about halfway through, and we're getting into some quality reading material. Books you might not want to keep in the outhouse in case you wanna read them more than once. At least with all the pages intact.
Editors note: Please do not use my books as toilet paper, Viekko.
Here we go.
#10: Good Omens:
Well, it makes sense to me that some bratty kid would end the world.
It’s the end times, and you got a whole mess of people losin' their minds in the process. You’ve got the Antichrist and his group of adolescent hellion friends, a timid witchfinder recruit and his noki baas crazy sergeant, a new-age obsessed witch, an elderly call-girl turned psychic, the four horsemen, and to top it all off an angel and demon who are trying to keep the whole game going.
I gotta say it was a fun read. It’s like one of those situations where you got like twenty people doin' their own thing, messin' things up and generally creatin' more problems then solvin'. And when you look back you kinda say, Man, if we all just had half a brain, we would have just went and done this one thing. It’s like that. Only with the world endin’.
Also, one of the horsemen, War, was a little scary to me. It was like if Althea and Isra went and became the same person. Sexy as hell, but I pity the person who gets anywhere close.
Jeremy's Review of Good Omens
#9: Edge of Doom:
Another one of them sci-fi noirs by E.M. Swift Hook
Durban Chola was a strange character in Trust a Few. Like kinda fruity, kinda soft but a mind that’s workin' at twice the speed as everyone else. He’s the kind of guy (or alien I think) who you think you can take down pretty easy, only to find out that you’ve gone and done exactly what he wanted you to do from the get-go.
Well, that guy is a crime boss now.
And there is this other dude… Well, not so much a person as an idea. He’s like a legend come to life. This is Shame Cullen, back from the dead. And he makes an attempt on Chola’s life. Damn near succeeds as well.
And now Jazz and Avalon got to figure out who and what is behind it before the next attack comes.
You gotta love this one too. Twists and turns and a whodunit aboard a starship. The kinda book you sit down with early in the evening, and after a while, you come to find it’s past midnight and you don’t wanna let it go yet. Just one more chapter. A book to get lost in, if that’s your thing.
Jeremy's Review of Edge of Doom
#8 Going Postal
So this Diskworld was supposed to be like Earth was, but wasn’t. If that makes sense. Its a world run by magical creatures and the humans ain't got any brighter. It’s like one of them stories the preachers always tell on the Martian colony. Like a story that tells a bigger story. A perry-able or somethin' like that.
Nevermind, it’s complicated.
Anyway, I never thought I’d like a book about delivering mail. Like we got a post office on Mars. Or, at least, we got a couple crazy guys who are willing to ride across the Meridiani plains to get messages between villages. Some make it, some don’t. I never saw it bein’ that important though. I mean, radios still work and you can talk to people a long way away, but without that, you need to get the mail through.
It’s a funny book, but it makes you think about all the little things that make the world work.
Jeremy's Review of Going Postal
#7: Idoru
I’ll never figure out what people find so fascinating about celebrities. Like, why should anyone be better than anyone else because they got a certain name that people know? People lost their baas about me when I came to Earth. Like people wanted me around just to have me around. Because people knew I was Viekko Spade, the Martian, they wanted me to go to their party or their club or just be around them. Not because I was interestin' at all but because I was…. well, Viekko Spade, the Martian.
Didn’t make sense to me then. Got a lot of free drinks out of it though. And more than a fair amount of trouble.
This book is about that. It’s about this female singer who everyone loves but is not even real. And everyone knows that. It’s like a magic trick that everyone knows is a stupid trick, they just want to see it. And this book is about all the stupid baas people get up to trying to see that same stupid trick again.
I guess it was an okay book but it honestly made me a little mad. I mean, why people gotta be so stupid like that? I guess it’s just their way.
Jeremy's Review of Idoru
#6 Heroes Die
And speakin' of fame makin' people stupid, let’s talk about this book a minute.
So basically, you got an actor who gets transported to a fantasy world where he plays this bad-ass assassin while the whole world rides in his head watchin’ all the gory details. I gotta say I really liked this one. On one hand, you got all the things that make a good story. You got this guy swashbucklin' his way through superhuman swordsmen, God-like emperors and a whole host of underhanded characters. You’ve got, action, betrayal, a little romance, and a whole lot of blood.
But underneath it all, you got this sort of hidden message. Like the main character is tellin’ you that he’s doin’ this for your entertainment pleasure. It makes you think about the pain we inflict just to get our jollies now and again. It’s got a subversive bent that made me smile. Somethin’ about a guy stickin’ it to those in charge without givin' a single noki baas that I rather enjoy.
Jeremy's Review of Heroes Die
Whew... all right. One more of these left. Next week, Jeremy's top five books of 2019.
For those of you just joinin' us, my name is Viekko Spade. You may have come across my most recent adventures in a couple of stories. If you haven't, I've got it on good authority that you can find them here and here.
Anyway, Jeremy handed me a whole stack of books and asked if I'd read and review them for you. I'm about halfway through, and we're getting into some quality reading material. Books you might not want to keep in the outhouse in case you wanna read them more than once. At least with all the pages intact.
Editors note: Please do not use my books as toilet paper, Viekko.
Here we go.
#10: Good Omens:Well, it makes sense to me that some bratty kid would end the world.
It’s the end times, and you got a whole mess of people losin' their minds in the process. You’ve got the Antichrist and his group of adolescent hellion friends, a timid witchfinder recruit and his noki baas crazy sergeant, a new-age obsessed witch, an elderly call-girl turned psychic, the four horsemen, and to top it all off an angel and demon who are trying to keep the whole game going.
I gotta say it was a fun read. It’s like one of those situations where you got like twenty people doin' their own thing, messin' things up and generally creatin' more problems then solvin'. And when you look back you kinda say, Man, if we all just had half a brain, we would have just went and done this one thing. It’s like that. Only with the world endin’.
Also, one of the horsemen, War, was a little scary to me. It was like if Althea and Isra went and became the same person. Sexy as hell, but I pity the person who gets anywhere close.
Jeremy's Review of Good Omens
#9: Edge of Doom:Another one of them sci-fi noirs by E.M. Swift Hook
Durban Chola was a strange character in Trust a Few. Like kinda fruity, kinda soft but a mind that’s workin' at twice the speed as everyone else. He’s the kind of guy (or alien I think) who you think you can take down pretty easy, only to find out that you’ve gone and done exactly what he wanted you to do from the get-go.
Well, that guy is a crime boss now.
And there is this other dude… Well, not so much a person as an idea. He’s like a legend come to life. This is Shame Cullen, back from the dead. And he makes an attempt on Chola’s life. Damn near succeeds as well.
And now Jazz and Avalon got to figure out who and what is behind it before the next attack comes.
You gotta love this one too. Twists and turns and a whodunit aboard a starship. The kinda book you sit down with early in the evening, and after a while, you come to find it’s past midnight and you don’t wanna let it go yet. Just one more chapter. A book to get lost in, if that’s your thing.
Jeremy's Review of Edge of Doom
#8 Going PostalSo this Diskworld was supposed to be like Earth was, but wasn’t. If that makes sense. Its a world run by magical creatures and the humans ain't got any brighter. It’s like one of them stories the preachers always tell on the Martian colony. Like a story that tells a bigger story. A perry-able or somethin' like that.
Nevermind, it’s complicated.
Anyway, I never thought I’d like a book about delivering mail. Like we got a post office on Mars. Or, at least, we got a couple crazy guys who are willing to ride across the Meridiani plains to get messages between villages. Some make it, some don’t. I never saw it bein’ that important though. I mean, radios still work and you can talk to people a long way away, but without that, you need to get the mail through.
It’s a funny book, but it makes you think about all the little things that make the world work.
Jeremy's Review of Going Postal
#7: IdoruI’ll never figure out what people find so fascinating about celebrities. Like, why should anyone be better than anyone else because they got a certain name that people know? People lost their baas about me when I came to Earth. Like people wanted me around just to have me around. Because people knew I was Viekko Spade, the Martian, they wanted me to go to their party or their club or just be around them. Not because I was interestin' at all but because I was…. well, Viekko Spade, the Martian.
Didn’t make sense to me then. Got a lot of free drinks out of it though. And more than a fair amount of trouble.
This book is about that. It’s about this female singer who everyone loves but is not even real. And everyone knows that. It’s like a magic trick that everyone knows is a stupid trick, they just want to see it. And this book is about all the stupid baas people get up to trying to see that same stupid trick again.
I guess it was an okay book but it honestly made me a little mad. I mean, why people gotta be so stupid like that? I guess it’s just their way.
Jeremy's Review of Idoru
#6 Heroes DieAnd speakin' of fame makin' people stupid, let’s talk about this book a minute.
So basically, you got an actor who gets transported to a fantasy world where he plays this bad-ass assassin while the whole world rides in his head watchin’ all the gory details. I gotta say I really liked this one. On one hand, you got all the things that make a good story. You got this guy swashbucklin' his way through superhuman swordsmen, God-like emperors and a whole host of underhanded characters. You’ve got, action, betrayal, a little romance, and a whole lot of blood.
But underneath it all, you got this sort of hidden message. Like the main character is tellin’ you that he’s doin’ this for your entertainment pleasure. It makes you think about the pain we inflict just to get our jollies now and again. It’s got a subversive bent that made me smile. Somethin’ about a guy stickin’ it to those in charge without givin' a single noki baas that I rather enjoy.
Jeremy's Review of Heroes Die
Whew... all right. One more of these left. Next week, Jeremy's top five books of 2019.
December 17, 2019
First Contact: Venus
First contact.
I'm more than a little fascinated by the idea both historically, (back when it was fairly common to encounter completely unknown nations of humans) and what would happen if aliens did land and introduce themselves.
I talked about it a little bit back in the Saturnius Mons commentary, but it's time to revisit the question, 'What does one say to an alien?'
But first a quick side note for the super-geeks out there. The music that Captain Colton is listening to when Viekko appears comes from my absolute favorite symphony. (Yes, I have a favorite symphony. I'm cultured a shit, biatch.) Unsurprisingly its the Planets Suite by Gustav Holst. It is the second movement, Venus, The Bringer of Peace.
Anyway, this time, the meeting between the Human Recconection Project and the people of Venus is more straightforward. The meeting is prearranged in a way, so it's more like a first meeting. Think of a Tinder date between civilizations. I wanted to create this awkward, tense moment where nobody is completely sure of the other's intentions. One side has come out in their finest military dress, and the other brought Viekko which is the equivalent of showing up with a pair of torn jeans.
As we are about to see, Cytherea uses the military for pretty much every problem for the same reason that a guy with a hammer treats every problem like a nail. Early in the outlining process, I came upon this idea of a sci-fi Sparta. It would be a new society that is completely obsessed with military strength and physical prowess. The details of how one structure a society that way are going to unfold in the next several chapters and is where I deviate from historical Sparta.
In researching the idea of a sci-fi Sparta, I came upon this image:
Apparently, the dude who made helmets for the movie 300 was also a Star Wars fan and managed to paint one of the Spartan helms like Boba Fett's helmet.
I printed off this image, tacked it to a corkboard near my computer, and used that as the basic idea of everything that came after.
So I'll leave you with that image as well.
I'm more than a little fascinated by the idea both historically, (back when it was fairly common to encounter completely unknown nations of humans) and what would happen if aliens did land and introduce themselves.
I talked about it a little bit back in the Saturnius Mons commentary, but it's time to revisit the question, 'What does one say to an alien?'
But first a quick side note for the super-geeks out there. The music that Captain Colton is listening to when Viekko appears comes from my absolute favorite symphony. (Yes, I have a favorite symphony. I'm cultured a shit, biatch.) Unsurprisingly its the Planets Suite by Gustav Holst. It is the second movement, Venus, The Bringer of Peace.
Anyway, this time, the meeting between the Human Recconection Project and the people of Venus is more straightforward. The meeting is prearranged in a way, so it's more like a first meeting. Think of a Tinder date between civilizations. I wanted to create this awkward, tense moment where nobody is completely sure of the other's intentions. One side has come out in their finest military dress, and the other brought Viekko which is the equivalent of showing up with a pair of torn jeans.
As we are about to see, Cytherea uses the military for pretty much every problem for the same reason that a guy with a hammer treats every problem like a nail. Early in the outlining process, I came upon this idea of a sci-fi Sparta. It would be a new society that is completely obsessed with military strength and physical prowess. The details of how one structure a society that way are going to unfold in the next several chapters and is where I deviate from historical Sparta.
In researching the idea of a sci-fi Sparta, I came upon this image:
Apparently, the dude who made helmets for the movie 300 was also a Star Wars fan and managed to paint one of the Spartan helms like Boba Fett's helmet.I printed off this image, tacked it to a corkboard near my computer, and used that as the basic idea of everything that came after.
So I'll leave you with that image as well.
December 13, 2019
10 Things About Heroes Die
Okay, sneaking one last book review in before the end of the year.
A new, bloody form of entertainment has arrived.
Hari Mickelson plays Cain, a ruthless assassin whose exploits in the Overworld alter the history of its people and are legendary. On Earth, millions eagerly await his next cube so they can ride inside his head as his murderous adventures play out. Thousands of the wealthiest individuals pay vast sums to be there while the adventure is taking place.
But this adventure is different. His ex-wife Shanna, who plays the thermomage Pallas, has gone offline and has only a few days to live before she is pulled in between the two dimensions, and her body is ripped to shreds. Assuming she is still alive now.
Cain must brave the force of a emperor-god, a superhuman guard captain, and his elite troops. Not to mention ogres, elves, and even fellow actors paid by the Studio to complicate his life. Is this Cain's final mission? Tune into Adventure Time to find out!
1. Let's Talk About Covers.I only really notice covers for one of two reasons, either they are really good. Or really, really bad. This is the latter.
And I want to point it out for two reasons. One, because I like that indie authors don't have the monopoly on awful covers. (Although they do have a controlling interest)
First of all, the whole cover looks out of focus. It looks some graphic designer lifted some low-resolution image off Google, thew some words down on it, and called it a day.
Which brings me to the author's name and the tagline. The name sort of gets lost in the background image as does the tagline. The latter of which... yeah kinda makes sense in the context of the book, but that is not the take-away I would have, nor is it the thing that really makes this book interesting. It would be like if the tagline for Return of the Jedi read, "Things get awkward when it turns out you accidently kissed your sister." I mean, yeah, it happened, but it's not the important part.
And finally, the 'A fantasy novel' up near the title. I sort of understand because this book crosses genres and (as someone who has a book like that) marketing becomes an issue. But just writing it off as a 'fantasy novel' seems like a cop-out.
Seriously, I don't remember why this book was on my to-read list. But I am really glad it was. But I think the cover is why it took me so long to get to it.
2. Do Not Judge This Book By Its Awful CoverThis book is like J. R. R. Tolken and William Gibson's psychotic love child. You get two stories in one. On one side, you have a man struggling against an oppressive regime and a caste system that will forever define his lot in life. And on the other, you've got a world-famous assassin who's starting to question the awful, horrific shit he has to do. All of this takes place between a near-future Earth where an entertainment-obsessed culture devours pain and misery like its candy and don't realize that their world is run by a class of people who could give a shit whether they live or die, and a fantasy world whose entire history hinges on the whims of the studio class in the other world.
3. A Tale That Never Gets OldAt it's heart, this book is pretty simple. A group of people who have become disillusioned at society are acting out. They want to change things for the better. And, as Thomas Jefferson said, 'Those who make peaceful change impossible, make violent change inevitable.'
This quote is brought up in the book. Apparently, Jefferson is banned in the future. Which makes sense.
4. As Told By A Bloody ManiacThis book is intense and not for the squeamish or people that don't care for descriptions of people being cut in half or having their skin peeled off, their legs broken or any number of horrific things. This book gets pretty graphic.
5. A River of Actual ShitAlso, there is a disturbing amount of shit in this book. Like actual shit. Like the fecal content is at least 25% above an acceptable level. It was enough that I, a fan of Chuck Palahniuk who delights in describing every digusting bodily function, was like 'maybe dial the poo-poo back a little, dude'.
Again, just a warning.
6. But That's Kind Of The PointThere's an underlying theme in this book: Humans love violent entertainment. The more pain and misery involved, the better. It's one of those human nature things. So in this book, Cain gets in the middle of the arena. He slashes some dude's throat, disembowels somebody else, stabs a guy in the brain, and then turns to the audience and yells, 'Are You Not Entertained!'
And it's you. You're the audience. How do you feel about yourself now?
7. In The Future Men Still Suck:Another underlying theme is one that we are all too familiar with in this world. Cain is sent to rescue his ex-wife Pallas. The trouble is, she doesn't want his help. She is doing fine, thank you very much, and resents that her adventure only becomes popular once Cain steps in and starts slashing everyone's guts out.
Which is annoying for several reasons but mostly...
8. Pallas Is A Badass:Like more powerful, then Cain can ever realize. As in Goddess-like power. I don't want to give too much away, but one of the takeaways is that this adventure was really all about Pallas. We should be traveling in her head and experiencing it from her point of view.
But we don't because of the ugly truth that women don't get to be the leaders of their own stories. (This is changing slowly, but still)
So it's almost as if the author purposely hides a better story inside his own book, walks out and says, "You know, if you people weren't such sexist assholes, you might have gotten the better story." Then he drops the mike and walks off.
9. I Could Go On:For all it's graphic violence and needless obsession with feces, the book is densely packed with ideas and critiques about our world. From love and relationships to power and wealth inequality to freedom and our tendency toward totalitarianism, you don't have to dig deep to find interesting themes around every corner. And, more than anything else, it's just a fun story.
10. The Verdict ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐I highly recommend this book. Assuming, as I said before, one doesn't get squeamish around graphic descriptions of warfare, torture, or a literal river of shit. It's a wild ride. To this day, I have no idea how it ended up in my 'To Be Read' pile, and I'm guessing the cover kept pushing it back for me. Because, like I said, it's a bizarrely shitty cover.
But the story inside is awesome.
A new, bloody form of entertainment has arrived.
Hari Mickelson plays Cain, a ruthless assassin whose exploits in the Overworld alter the history of its people and are legendary. On Earth, millions eagerly await his next cube so they can ride inside his head as his murderous adventures play out. Thousands of the wealthiest individuals pay vast sums to be there while the adventure is taking place.
But this adventure is different. His ex-wife Shanna, who plays the thermomage Pallas, has gone offline and has only a few days to live before she is pulled in between the two dimensions, and her body is ripped to shreds. Assuming she is still alive now.
Cain must brave the force of a emperor-god, a superhuman guard captain, and his elite troops. Not to mention ogres, elves, and even fellow actors paid by the Studio to complicate his life. Is this Cain's final mission? Tune into Adventure Time to find out!
1. Let's Talk About Covers.I only really notice covers for one of two reasons, either they are really good. Or really, really bad. This is the latter.
And I want to point it out for two reasons. One, because I like that indie authors don't have the monopoly on awful covers. (Although they do have a controlling interest)
First of all, the whole cover looks out of focus. It looks some graphic designer lifted some low-resolution image off Google, thew some words down on it, and called it a day.
Which brings me to the author's name and the tagline. The name sort of gets lost in the background image as does the tagline. The latter of which... yeah kinda makes sense in the context of the book, but that is not the take-away I would have, nor is it the thing that really makes this book interesting. It would be like if the tagline for Return of the Jedi read, "Things get awkward when it turns out you accidently kissed your sister." I mean, yeah, it happened, but it's not the important part.
And finally, the 'A fantasy novel' up near the title. I sort of understand because this book crosses genres and (as someone who has a book like that) marketing becomes an issue. But just writing it off as a 'fantasy novel' seems like a cop-out.
Seriously, I don't remember why this book was on my to-read list. But I am really glad it was. But I think the cover is why it took me so long to get to it.
2. Do Not Judge This Book By Its Awful CoverThis book is like J. R. R. Tolken and William Gibson's psychotic love child. You get two stories in one. On one side, you have a man struggling against an oppressive regime and a caste system that will forever define his lot in life. And on the other, you've got a world-famous assassin who's starting to question the awful, horrific shit he has to do. All of this takes place between a near-future Earth where an entertainment-obsessed culture devours pain and misery like its candy and don't realize that their world is run by a class of people who could give a shit whether they live or die, and a fantasy world whose entire history hinges on the whims of the studio class in the other world.
3. A Tale That Never Gets OldAt it's heart, this book is pretty simple. A group of people who have become disillusioned at society are acting out. They want to change things for the better. And, as Thomas Jefferson said, 'Those who make peaceful change impossible, make violent change inevitable.'
This quote is brought up in the book. Apparently, Jefferson is banned in the future. Which makes sense.
4. As Told By A Bloody ManiacThis book is intense and not for the squeamish or people that don't care for descriptions of people being cut in half or having their skin peeled off, their legs broken or any number of horrific things. This book gets pretty graphic.
5. A River of Actual ShitAlso, there is a disturbing amount of shit in this book. Like actual shit. Like the fecal content is at least 25% above an acceptable level. It was enough that I, a fan of Chuck Palahniuk who delights in describing every digusting bodily function, was like 'maybe dial the poo-poo back a little, dude'.
Again, just a warning.
6. But That's Kind Of The PointThere's an underlying theme in this book: Humans love violent entertainment. The more pain and misery involved, the better. It's one of those human nature things. So in this book, Cain gets in the middle of the arena. He slashes some dude's throat, disembowels somebody else, stabs a guy in the brain, and then turns to the audience and yells, 'Are You Not Entertained!'
And it's you. You're the audience. How do you feel about yourself now?
7. In The Future Men Still Suck:Another underlying theme is one that we are all too familiar with in this world. Cain is sent to rescue his ex-wife Pallas. The trouble is, she doesn't want his help. She is doing fine, thank you very much, and resents that her adventure only becomes popular once Cain steps in and starts slashing everyone's guts out.
Which is annoying for several reasons but mostly...
8. Pallas Is A Badass:Like more powerful, then Cain can ever realize. As in Goddess-like power. I don't want to give too much away, but one of the takeaways is that this adventure was really all about Pallas. We should be traveling in her head and experiencing it from her point of view.
But we don't because of the ugly truth that women don't get to be the leaders of their own stories. (This is changing slowly, but still)
So it's almost as if the author purposely hides a better story inside his own book, walks out and says, "You know, if you people weren't such sexist assholes, you might have gotten the better story." Then he drops the mike and walks off.
9. I Could Go On:For all it's graphic violence and needless obsession with feces, the book is densely packed with ideas and critiques about our world. From love and relationships to power and wealth inequality to freedom and our tendency toward totalitarianism, you don't have to dig deep to find interesting themes around every corner. And, more than anything else, it's just a fun story.
10. The Verdict ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐I highly recommend this book. Assuming, as I said before, one doesn't get squeamish around graphic descriptions of warfare, torture, or a literal river of shit. It's a wild ride. To this day, I have no idea how it ended up in my 'To Be Read' pile, and I'm guessing the cover kept pushing it back for me. Because, like I said, it's a bizarrely shitty cover.
But the story inside is awesome.
December 12, 2019
Viekko Spade Reviews Jeremy's Top 20 Books of 2019: Part 2
Well, here we go again.
For those of you just joinin, Jeremy went and asked me to do a review of his top 20 books of the year. Probably because actually doin' this himself cuts into his drinkin' time. But, again, I don't judge.
Editors note: You seem to judge a little.
Anyway, I did the first five last week. We're up to 15 through 11. Here we go.
#15 Clipses Awaken:
I gotta admit. I was kinda excited to see one of them comic books in the pile. We didn’t have much in the way of these growin up where we did. But I heard about 'em. Even read a few when I got to Earth. This one is okay.
I don’t know. Comic books, to me, are supposed to be all flashy and exitin' with explosions and people flyin' and maybe someone's liver getting punched right out their backside. This book, it’s got some of that, but it’s mostly… well, there’s a lot of readin’. Like a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t opposed to readin’, but there is a limit. Especially when I was expecting that whole liver-out-the-backside-thing.
Strange concept too. It’s about a team of superheroes in the future who get their powers from eclipses. Like when the moon passes in front of the sun. Now one has to wonder if they get powers during any eclipse anywhere or if it’s just eclipses on Earth. And, if it's just Earth, why are they so special? And why are there Clipses scattered all over the galaxy? And what's so special about a thing movin' in front of another thing?
Maybe I’m askin too many questions. The book wasn't bad. Thought it needed a simpler concept. And more action. Less explainin' stuff and more non-surgical liver-ectomies
Jeremy's Review of Clipses Awaken
#14 Infinite:
This book made my head hurt.
So what happens is a guy wakes up on a spaceship that was supposed to land on this distant planet so that humanity could make a new home. Because we kinda messed up the old one. But that gets screwed up when he wakes up to find his friend has killed the entire crew. And also his friend stabs this guy in the heart with a screwdriver.
But it turns out this guy got made immortal. Some thing this crazed AI computer did to him. So he survives and finds himself alone on a ship going nearly the speed of light. Also he's immortal, so he's got some time to kill. So he does what any right-thinking person would do. He straps himself into a simulation and goes flippin’ crazy.
There are lots of questions in this book about life and space and the nature of reality and what it means to be human. Also, giant killer frogs and evil little munchkin people. The whole thing is weird and didn’t make a bit of sense to me.
Jerermy's Review of Infinite
#13 Trust a Few:
Now this one was more my speed.
This book is kind of a sci-fi noir. You got a cast of characters who find themselves at the business end of a gun barrel, and the other end is held by the Syndicate. This book weaves all these characters all together, and each one has got to get over their noki baas and figure a way to trust one another. ‘Course, those who trust in this book tend to die quick, so it’s a bit of a double-edged sword, so to speak.
I liked Jazz. He is this brazen, outspoken, dangerous novsh who basically has the same view of the world as the proverbial bull in the dish shop. Also, someone poked the bull in his iljig. Another character, Avalon, also made me wonder. Both he and Jazz were prisoner warriors who somehow got discharged from a platoon that's basically a death sentence. But Avalon don’t remember what he did. It begs some questions about who we are and are the same bad person if we got no memories of bein’ that bad person.
I definitely got lost in this book. Again, feel like it should be higher on the list. Little worried about what kinda books are actually comin’.
Jeremy's Review of Trust A Few and just you wait, Viekko.
#12 Virtual Light:
This is a good book if you can get over the fact that the story don’t seem to go nowhere.
So you got Chavette, this firecracker of a woman, she goes and steals these glasses from some drunk novsh at a party and, suddenly, the whole world wants to kill her. So the shadowy powers that be send Rydell, a cop that can't catch a break, along with some really creepy evil-doers. Rydell and Chevette end up running off together dodging religious weirdos and underworld types and fantastically rich, greedy noki baas characters. Not exactly sure what for, the glasses don’t seem to do much. Good story, though.
Jeremy's Review of Virtual Light
#11 Clash of Kings:
These books were apparently a big thing in the past. I actually think one of my dad’s books mentioned it. They sounded good.
This is actually the second book. And I have to say… and it pains me to say this, Jeremy was right. I mean, it’s a good book but not as good as the first. I think the reason is this. Yasee, the first book, is kinda straightforward. You got the Starks. They are strong, honorable, loyal, all the things that make up good people. Then you gots the Lannisters. They’re the opposite of that. But we will talk about A Game of Thrones later.
This book is muddier. It’s that real politic thing. Like good and evil, right and wrong don’t rightly matter no more. You can’t tell the good guys from the bad guys because it seems that the bad people get to dictate what’s goin’ on, and the good guys either shut up and do what they're told or they end up with their head on a stick. Or the good guys gotta act bad because aint no winnin otherwise. It makes the sayin’ ‘Kill ‘em all and let the Gods of the Copper Skies sort them out’ make sense.
It’s a long book, and you know there ain’t gonna be a happy endin’. Or any endin’. This is just the beginin’. Makes it a hard thing to sit down and read. It’s like goin' on the Lizard's Peak tour of duty on Mars. It’s a thousand-mile march and, at the end, there ain’t nothing but a bunch of half-crazed killers lookin' for a fight. Kinda makes you wonder why you bother.
Jeremy's Review of Clash of Kings and I'm always right, Viekko. Make peace with this.
Well, that's it. We get into the top ten next week, so make sure to swing by. Got it on good authority that things are about to get weird.
For those of you just joinin, Jeremy went and asked me to do a review of his top 20 books of the year. Probably because actually doin' this himself cuts into his drinkin' time. But, again, I don't judge.
Editors note: You seem to judge a little.
Anyway, I did the first five last week. We're up to 15 through 11. Here we go.
#15 Clipses Awaken:I gotta admit. I was kinda excited to see one of them comic books in the pile. We didn’t have much in the way of these growin up where we did. But I heard about 'em. Even read a few when I got to Earth. This one is okay.
I don’t know. Comic books, to me, are supposed to be all flashy and exitin' with explosions and people flyin' and maybe someone's liver getting punched right out their backside. This book, it’s got some of that, but it’s mostly… well, there’s a lot of readin’. Like a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t opposed to readin’, but there is a limit. Especially when I was expecting that whole liver-out-the-backside-thing.
Strange concept too. It’s about a team of superheroes in the future who get their powers from eclipses. Like when the moon passes in front of the sun. Now one has to wonder if they get powers during any eclipse anywhere or if it’s just eclipses on Earth. And, if it's just Earth, why are they so special? And why are there Clipses scattered all over the galaxy? And what's so special about a thing movin' in front of another thing?
Maybe I’m askin too many questions. The book wasn't bad. Thought it needed a simpler concept. And more action. Less explainin' stuff and more non-surgical liver-ectomies
Jeremy's Review of Clipses Awaken
#14 Infinite:This book made my head hurt.
So what happens is a guy wakes up on a spaceship that was supposed to land on this distant planet so that humanity could make a new home. Because we kinda messed up the old one. But that gets screwed up when he wakes up to find his friend has killed the entire crew. And also his friend stabs this guy in the heart with a screwdriver.
But it turns out this guy got made immortal. Some thing this crazed AI computer did to him. So he survives and finds himself alone on a ship going nearly the speed of light. Also he's immortal, so he's got some time to kill. So he does what any right-thinking person would do. He straps himself into a simulation and goes flippin’ crazy.
There are lots of questions in this book about life and space and the nature of reality and what it means to be human. Also, giant killer frogs and evil little munchkin people. The whole thing is weird and didn’t make a bit of sense to me.
Jerermy's Review of Infinite
#13 Trust a Few: Now this one was more my speed.
This book is kind of a sci-fi noir. You got a cast of characters who find themselves at the business end of a gun barrel, and the other end is held by the Syndicate. This book weaves all these characters all together, and each one has got to get over their noki baas and figure a way to trust one another. ‘Course, those who trust in this book tend to die quick, so it’s a bit of a double-edged sword, so to speak.
I liked Jazz. He is this brazen, outspoken, dangerous novsh who basically has the same view of the world as the proverbial bull in the dish shop. Also, someone poked the bull in his iljig. Another character, Avalon, also made me wonder. Both he and Jazz were prisoner warriors who somehow got discharged from a platoon that's basically a death sentence. But Avalon don’t remember what he did. It begs some questions about who we are and are the same bad person if we got no memories of bein’ that bad person.
I definitely got lost in this book. Again, feel like it should be higher on the list. Little worried about what kinda books are actually comin’.
Jeremy's Review of Trust A Few and just you wait, Viekko.
#12 Virtual Light:This is a good book if you can get over the fact that the story don’t seem to go nowhere.
So you got Chavette, this firecracker of a woman, she goes and steals these glasses from some drunk novsh at a party and, suddenly, the whole world wants to kill her. So the shadowy powers that be send Rydell, a cop that can't catch a break, along with some really creepy evil-doers. Rydell and Chevette end up running off together dodging religious weirdos and underworld types and fantastically rich, greedy noki baas characters. Not exactly sure what for, the glasses don’t seem to do much. Good story, though.
Jeremy's Review of Virtual Light
#11 Clash of Kings:These books were apparently a big thing in the past. I actually think one of my dad’s books mentioned it. They sounded good.
This is actually the second book. And I have to say… and it pains me to say this, Jeremy was right. I mean, it’s a good book but not as good as the first. I think the reason is this. Yasee, the first book, is kinda straightforward. You got the Starks. They are strong, honorable, loyal, all the things that make up good people. Then you gots the Lannisters. They’re the opposite of that. But we will talk about A Game of Thrones later.
This book is muddier. It’s that real politic thing. Like good and evil, right and wrong don’t rightly matter no more. You can’t tell the good guys from the bad guys because it seems that the bad people get to dictate what’s goin’ on, and the good guys either shut up and do what they're told or they end up with their head on a stick. Or the good guys gotta act bad because aint no winnin otherwise. It makes the sayin’ ‘Kill ‘em all and let the Gods of the Copper Skies sort them out’ make sense.
It’s a long book, and you know there ain’t gonna be a happy endin’. Or any endin’. This is just the beginin’. Makes it a hard thing to sit down and read. It’s like goin' on the Lizard's Peak tour of duty on Mars. It’s a thousand-mile march and, at the end, there ain’t nothing but a bunch of half-crazed killers lookin' for a fight. Kinda makes you wonder why you bother.
Jeremy's Review of Clash of Kings and I'm always right, Viekko. Make peace with this.
Well, that's it. We get into the top ten next week, so make sure to swing by. Got it on good authority that things are about to get weird.
December 11, 2019
The Chapter Where Viekko And Althea Fight The Entire Time
Author CommentaryTemplum Veneris Chapter 4Maybe it's a bit much, but Viekko and Althea have a lot to hash out before they are thrown into this shitstorm and right now is the best time to get it out in the open. And I think Viekko understands that on some level which is why he pushes like he does.
Really, this is the info dump chapter where I set up what is about to happen on Venus and make it interesting. And I think I accomplish this by simply putting these volatile personalities in a room and letting them bounce off each other like ping-pong balls in an enclosure.
But, first, a few notes about Venus.
Clearly, none of this is remotely feasible without some unknown technology and a nearly infinite power source. If you were somehow transported to the surface of Venus, you would be instantly crushed by the atmospheric pressure, broiled by the 600+ degree heat, suffocated by the CO2 rich atmosphere, have your skin melted off by sulfuric acid and maybe, if your lucky, get stuck in a molten metal rainstorm.
So to those people who will email me explaining in hyper-ventilating geek self-righteousness, yes I understand the premise isn't possible. But as I mentioned in this author commentary piece for chapter 4 of Saturnius Mons, I really wasn't going for hard science fiction. I wanted to tell the story of the fall of the New Roman Empire. In space. So I did.
But there are a few islands of truth in this sea of Bullshit I Made Up. First, there really is a spot high in Venus' clouds where the temperature and pressure would be remarkably earth-like. If one could guide an airship there, one could conceivably walk outside. Okay, you would still need a respirator in order to breathe. And you'd need some sort of protection to keep the acid from melting your skin off.
Venus is a terrible place.
But there is that sweet spot and if one could get rid of enough atmosphere one could potentially lower that sweet spot enough to hit the peak of the tallest mountain on the planet, the Maxwell Mons.
The other thing I kept from the real planet is the fact that it has a strange rotation. As near as we can tell, something probably smashed into Venus during the chaotic period in the solar system known as the Great Bombardment. This was the magical period when bits of rock were slamming into each other destroying planets and creating new ones. In the end, Venus ended up rotating the wrong way (The sun rises in the west and sets in the east) and a year takes less time than a day.
But we will get there soon enough.
So with the mission parameters in place we look back and Althea and Viekko. By the end of this chapter, I think they are just stuck. They are starting to realize that their entire relationship is based around the time when they were both at their lowest point and they are both trying to figure out if this thing between them is real or if it's just a product of their respective demons. And they are left to wonder if trying to be together is just more self-destructive behavior.
Really, this is the info dump chapter where I set up what is about to happen on Venus and make it interesting. And I think I accomplish this by simply putting these volatile personalities in a room and letting them bounce off each other like ping-pong balls in an enclosure.
But, first, a few notes about Venus.
Clearly, none of this is remotely feasible without some unknown technology and a nearly infinite power source. If you were somehow transported to the surface of Venus, you would be instantly crushed by the atmospheric pressure, broiled by the 600+ degree heat, suffocated by the CO2 rich atmosphere, have your skin melted off by sulfuric acid and maybe, if your lucky, get stuck in a molten metal rainstorm.
So to those people who will email me explaining in hyper-ventilating geek self-righteousness, yes I understand the premise isn't possible. But as I mentioned in this author commentary piece for chapter 4 of Saturnius Mons, I really wasn't going for hard science fiction. I wanted to tell the story of the fall of the New Roman Empire. In space. So I did.
But there are a few islands of truth in this sea of Bullshit I Made Up. First, there really is a spot high in Venus' clouds where the temperature and pressure would be remarkably earth-like. If one could guide an airship there, one could conceivably walk outside. Okay, you would still need a respirator in order to breathe. And you'd need some sort of protection to keep the acid from melting your skin off.
Venus is a terrible place.
But there is that sweet spot and if one could get rid of enough atmosphere one could potentially lower that sweet spot enough to hit the peak of the tallest mountain on the planet, the Maxwell Mons.
The other thing I kept from the real planet is the fact that it has a strange rotation. As near as we can tell, something probably smashed into Venus during the chaotic period in the solar system known as the Great Bombardment. This was the magical period when bits of rock were slamming into each other destroying planets and creating new ones. In the end, Venus ended up rotating the wrong way (The sun rises in the west and sets in the east) and a year takes less time than a day.
But we will get there soon enough.
So with the mission parameters in place we look back and Althea and Viekko. By the end of this chapter, I think they are just stuck. They are starting to realize that their entire relationship is based around the time when they were both at their lowest point and they are both trying to figure out if this thing between them is real or if it's just a product of their respective demons. And they are left to wonder if trying to be together is just more self-destructive behavior.
December 4, 2019
Viekko Spade Reviews Jeremy's Top Twenty Books of 2019 Part 1
Note: I feel like most people reading this blog should know Viekko. But if you don't, Viekko Spade is one of the main characters in the Ruins of Empire series. He's a down-and-out Martian soldier with a wry sense of humor and a bit of a hero complex. You can read all about his adventures here and here. The opinions expressed below are those of Viekko Spade and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of either Jeremy L. Jones or Saga of Insanity.
Art By Nick Martin
It’s like this: Where Jeremy lives, this is a hectic time of year. He says there are things to do and places he needs to be. Between you and me, the places he needs to be are ‘wherever they are servin’ beer’ and the things he needs to do are ‘drink all the beers.’ But I don’t judge.
Anyway, he went and gave me a stack of books he’s been readin’ this year and asked me to write down my opinions. Now I know I don’t come off as much of a reader in the Ruins of Empire, but I did a fair amount of it as a kid. I mean, what else is a boy supposed to do when one of those Martian dust storms kicks up that will strip the skin right off his little skeleton? So here it is. Jeremy’s best books of 2019 as reviewed by Yours Truely, Viekko Spade. So here's 20 through 16:
#20 The Wake Up:
This book reminded me of home a little bit. When we was kids, my mamma would tell us stories about monsters and fairies. Little goblins that lived way out past the Meridani plains and dragons that flew above the copper skies. None of it made much sense but I liked the stories anyway. This book was like one of those. It was like a Pre-Fall fairy tale. Like you never hear about anything like this in any history book about the 20th century and it’s not like to happen. But there’s somethin’… I don’t know. It tells the story about what was really goin’ on even if that wasn’t what was. Like somethin’ more true than reality. Just go read it and it might make some sense to you.
Jeremy's Review of The Wake Up
#19 Lifting the Lid (Lifting The Lid #1):
This is a book about some sad illjig and his dog that get swept up in some spy trouble. He stumbles on this little package hidden inside a toilet lid and, after that, he is basically dragged all over England by an ill-tempered detective from one disaster to another. I liked the dog. The dog made me laugh. All through the story, the dog was destroyin’ or peein’ on something and all the people would yell, “Who’s dog is this!?” It was funny. Don’t know much about the rest of it. Maybe I'm missin' something but the rest of the story didn't make a lot of sense to me. It was one of those complicated stories that probably didn't need to be that complicated. Like when I stopped to think about it, the whole story could have been averted if one person had a working brain cell. And the main character wined so much I kinda wanted to strangle him through the pages. But I liked the dog.
Jeremy's Review of Lifting The Lid
#18 Earth Unknown:
So in this book, instead of the Global Civilization just kinda fallin’ apart, it gets eaten up by some weird swarming creatures that are basically just wave of claws and teeth. And there’s this guy, Nathan Stacker who’s running from the law on a distant planet and he finds himself on Earth lookin’ for the truth as to who maybe killed his wife. I liked Stacker. He really can’t seem to catch a break and he spends most of his time bein’ shot at, so I can identify. I liked the Sherriff even more. He’s this six-shooter toting bad-ass that beats aliens with his metal arm. Reminds me a lot of some of the folk I knew on Mars. Don’t know why Jeremy didn’t like this one as much, it was right up my alley. If this were my list, this would be up near the top. But Jeremy’s a hard guy to please. But seriously, what’s not to like? It’s got aliens. It’s got people blastin’ the baas out of things. A hard novsh with a metal arm. It’s got everythin’. Five stars from me. Screw what Jeremy thinks.
Jeremy's Review of Earth Unknown. And screw you too, Viekko.
#17 John Anvil and the Cypress Door (Josh Anvil#1):
This book is about a kid who gets superpowers where he can make anythin’ happen. Really, anythin’. He thinks about it, his chest glows and, bam, it’s there. And then whatever he's created is tearin’ up the joint. Like if I had powers like that when I was a kid; Mars would be just another asteroid belt. And the adults in this book are karaasan brain damaged. Like they got a kid out making dragons and seems fine with them. No need to intervene on account of a dragon burnin’ the tam out of the city. I mean I know it’s supposed to be a kindofa fun story. A story about growin’ up and learnin’ responsibilities and findin’ one’s place. Scared the baas out of me though. Also, the story takes place in a place called Lousisana. Sounds interestin’. Wonder if it’s still there. Maybe I should go some time.
Jeremy's Review of Josh Anvil and the Cypress Door
#16 Pandora (The Organization #1):
Man, I don’t really know much about what a cruise ship was like during the Global Civilization but I ain’t never settin' foot on one after this book. Even if I could. So, in Pandora, it turns out that they found this thing at the bottom of the ocean. It ends up on a cruise ship and absolutely tears the baas out of the place. And this nightmare boat is headin' straight for the land. The story follows some doomed individuals who are sent to the ship with the intent of stoppin' it from reachin' shore. Except there are some in this group that don't share this view. Those that aren't torn apart by monsters that are all muscle and teeth get shot to bits by their own people. I liked this book but I wouldn’t read it with the lights off. Wouldn’t read it if you get squeemish. And I definitely wouldn't read it if you're plannin' a vacation.
Jeremy's Review of Pandora
Art By Nick MartinIt’s like this: Where Jeremy lives, this is a hectic time of year. He says there are things to do and places he needs to be. Between you and me, the places he needs to be are ‘wherever they are servin’ beer’ and the things he needs to do are ‘drink all the beers.’ But I don’t judge.
Anyway, he went and gave me a stack of books he’s been readin’ this year and asked me to write down my opinions. Now I know I don’t come off as much of a reader in the Ruins of Empire, but I did a fair amount of it as a kid. I mean, what else is a boy supposed to do when one of those Martian dust storms kicks up that will strip the skin right off his little skeleton? So here it is. Jeremy’s best books of 2019 as reviewed by Yours Truely, Viekko Spade. So here's 20 through 16:
#20 The Wake Up:This book reminded me of home a little bit. When we was kids, my mamma would tell us stories about monsters and fairies. Little goblins that lived way out past the Meridani plains and dragons that flew above the copper skies. None of it made much sense but I liked the stories anyway. This book was like one of those. It was like a Pre-Fall fairy tale. Like you never hear about anything like this in any history book about the 20th century and it’s not like to happen. But there’s somethin’… I don’t know. It tells the story about what was really goin’ on even if that wasn’t what was. Like somethin’ more true than reality. Just go read it and it might make some sense to you.
Jeremy's Review of The Wake Up
#19 Lifting the Lid (Lifting The Lid #1):This is a book about some sad illjig and his dog that get swept up in some spy trouble. He stumbles on this little package hidden inside a toilet lid and, after that, he is basically dragged all over England by an ill-tempered detective from one disaster to another. I liked the dog. The dog made me laugh. All through the story, the dog was destroyin’ or peein’ on something and all the people would yell, “Who’s dog is this!?” It was funny. Don’t know much about the rest of it. Maybe I'm missin' something but the rest of the story didn't make a lot of sense to me. It was one of those complicated stories that probably didn't need to be that complicated. Like when I stopped to think about it, the whole story could have been averted if one person had a working brain cell. And the main character wined so much I kinda wanted to strangle him through the pages. But I liked the dog.
Jeremy's Review of Lifting The Lid
#18 Earth Unknown:So in this book, instead of the Global Civilization just kinda fallin’ apart, it gets eaten up by some weird swarming creatures that are basically just wave of claws and teeth. And there’s this guy, Nathan Stacker who’s running from the law on a distant planet and he finds himself on Earth lookin’ for the truth as to who maybe killed his wife. I liked Stacker. He really can’t seem to catch a break and he spends most of his time bein’ shot at, so I can identify. I liked the Sherriff even more. He’s this six-shooter toting bad-ass that beats aliens with his metal arm. Reminds me a lot of some of the folk I knew on Mars. Don’t know why Jeremy didn’t like this one as much, it was right up my alley. If this were my list, this would be up near the top. But Jeremy’s a hard guy to please. But seriously, what’s not to like? It’s got aliens. It’s got people blastin’ the baas out of things. A hard novsh with a metal arm. It’s got everythin’. Five stars from me. Screw what Jeremy thinks.
Jeremy's Review of Earth Unknown. And screw you too, Viekko.
#17 John Anvil and the Cypress Door (Josh Anvil#1):This book is about a kid who gets superpowers where he can make anythin’ happen. Really, anythin’. He thinks about it, his chest glows and, bam, it’s there. And then whatever he's created is tearin’ up the joint. Like if I had powers like that when I was a kid; Mars would be just another asteroid belt. And the adults in this book are karaasan brain damaged. Like they got a kid out making dragons and seems fine with them. No need to intervene on account of a dragon burnin’ the tam out of the city. I mean I know it’s supposed to be a kindofa fun story. A story about growin’ up and learnin’ responsibilities and findin’ one’s place. Scared the baas out of me though. Also, the story takes place in a place called Lousisana. Sounds interestin’. Wonder if it’s still there. Maybe I should go some time.
Jeremy's Review of Josh Anvil and the Cypress Door
#16 Pandora (The Organization #1):Man, I don’t really know much about what a cruise ship was like during the Global Civilization but I ain’t never settin' foot on one after this book. Even if I could. So, in Pandora, it turns out that they found this thing at the bottom of the ocean. It ends up on a cruise ship and absolutely tears the baas out of the place. And this nightmare boat is headin' straight for the land. The story follows some doomed individuals who are sent to the ship with the intent of stoppin' it from reachin' shore. Except there are some in this group that don't share this view. Those that aren't torn apart by monsters that are all muscle and teeth get shot to bits by their own people. I liked this book but I wouldn’t read it with the lights off. Wouldn’t read it if you get squeemish. And I definitely wouldn't read it if you're plannin' a vacation.
Jeremy's Review of Pandora
