Margaret Robinson Rutherford's Blog, page 7

413 SelfWork: The Incredible Power of Journaling (Second Time Around)

Today's topic is on the incredible power of journaling. My communications manager, friend, and "auxiliary brain" - Christine Mathias - has chosen this week's Second Time Around episode.

Here's a quick introduction!

I was caught off guard the other day when in my FaceBook group, I asked them to journal about a specific topic, and someone wrote that they didn't know what journaling was. So let's talk about journaling. What is it? How is it helpful? Are there specific problems where journaling is particularly helpful? What might make it hard to do? It's an incredibly powerful tool in many instances, but there can be problems and we'll talk about what to consider as you might choose to begin.

SelfWork's listener email today is from someone with perfectly hidden depression who reached out -- and didn't quite know why. She simply followed her heart and her gut -- which can be awesome to do.

Thanks so much to Christine!

Advertiser's Link:��

Click�� HERE ��for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 ��� with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled��Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

412 SelfWork: Learning How to Really Listen

Do you know how to really listen? Well... you can learn.

I'm out on vacation this week and my friend and incredible audio engineer John Crowley takes over the host spot, as he picks one of his favorite episodes from previous years. And this one is truly out of the distant past! Only the eighth episode I ever recorded. Wow, listening to it brought back so many memories! (Mostly how nervous I was...)

But it's also a great example of how the focus here at SelfWork is "what you can do about it" as this episode is full of ideas to try and practice how to really listen. Hope you enjoy "second time around"!

Advertisers Link:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer ��for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

��

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

411 SelfWork: Suicide in Construction: A Conversation with Dr. Vince Hafeli

Today we're going to talk about suicide in construction in honor of Suicide Prevention Month. Dr. Vince Hafeli, a husband, father, and construction guy, tells his very personal story of becoming suicidal and choosing to come forward to talk about healing. Vince has been a leader in the construction industry for well over 30 years; his 2023 TEDx earned the #5 highest spot in the highest number of views... worldwide. Construction, where people risk their lives every day, loses thousands of workers every year to suicide - five times the number lost through accidents on the job.

And Vince wants that to stop. He wants anyone who believes that revealing emotional struggle is somehow weak or forbidden to realize there's no shame in talking. And he wants the harsh potential of not talking to sink in - that it could be you or someone you love staying silent, and losing the battle with a silent depression.

Vital Links:

You can reach Dr. Hafeli here!

Here's the link for international suicide hotlines. Please reach out!

Advertiser���s Link:��

Click�� HERE ��for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 ��� with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast,��SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled��Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

410 SelfWork: The Good Enough Parent

What's a good enough parent?

There were many times when I was actively parenting our child that I thanked a psychology researcher named Winnicott. When he was writing (decades ago...), mothers were blamed for everything - even autism was caused by a "refrigerator mom."��Winnicott came along and let moms off the hook a little bit, saying that their caring ��� as long as it was good enough ��� as long as she was consistent enough, that most children would be okay. Fathers were left out of the whole pathology-causing picture, by the way.

Frankly, I had no idea how to measure ���good enough��� as a mom. Since it���s 2024, let���s include fathers in that equation. What makes a good enough parent? Is being good enough���. enough? We���ll talk about the answers to these questions today on SelfWork.

The listener email I���m going to share today brought tears of gratitude into my eyes. It was one of the kindest I���d ever received, although your kindness toward me is something you ��� as listeners��- often show me.

Vital Links:��

Excellent article by Crista Balis on good enough parenting in Todays Parent Magazine.

��Article by Brittany Clair on Lucie's List about good enough parenting.��

Advertisers Link:

Try one free week of the self-hypnosis app designed by hypnosis expert Dr. David Spiegel, a Stanford psychologist. Just click this link!��You can try Reveri free for 7 days and use code MARGARET to lock in a 20% exclusive discount!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

.

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

409 SelfWork: When Emotional Distancing and Detachment Are Healthy

Today���s we���re going to focus on emotional detachment and distancing. I'll explain what it is and when it's healthy - and maybe even necessary - to do just that. I'm also going to��bring forward a harsh criticism of a blogpost on unconditional love that I wrote years ago, after having the experience with parents and adult children needing to distance themselves from family, sometimes painfully, sometimes with relief.

What are some of the situations when emotional distancing or detachment is healthy?

When expressed boundaries or basic respect for those boundaries isn���t givenWhen someone won���t take any responsibility for their hurtful actions or their impact on you or othersWhen there���s been a pattern of ���honeymoon��� with many ���I���m sorry���s��� and ���that���ll never happen agains��� ��� but it doesWhen you need a break from needinessWhen others that you love and need to protect are being affected by the chaosWhen you���re getting divorced

Today���s listener email is from a woman from Poland who describes that she���s been scared about the schizophrenia that runs in her family. And she also talks about detaching from an abandoning and abusive dad ��� but could only allow herself to do that this past year. I���m always so touched when someone takes the time to write ��� and I���d love to hear from you.

Vital Links:

The podcast on unconditional love being used up

Advertiser's Link:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer ��for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

��

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

408 SelfWork: How To Be There For Someone Else

Today we���re focusing on the tools necessary to help you listen and "how to be there��� for someone else.

We'll discuss what it���s like to listen to the stories of those who trust you to create a safe space for them to talk ��� and what it means to ���be there��� for someone. What it���s like to hear things that are very hard to hear. And what it���s like to carry on with your own life as you do so. I���m going to offer a list of eleven necessary tools that I���ve learned to use over the years. What I hope is that that list is helpful to you as you go about the business of loving others and being there emotionally for them.

I should say that this episode isn���t a substitute for any mental health treatment that you might choose or need.

And I have two listener contacts to share with you, both of which made me smile.

Vital Links:��

Nash Fung TEDx

Zazzle link for The SelfWork Mug!

Advertiser's Link:��

Click�� HERE ��for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 ��� with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled��Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

407 SelfWork: How's Your Mental Health?

How would you answer the question, "How's your mental health?'

If you watched the Olympics, you saw Simone Biles not only succeed wildly, but demonstrate to all the world how important maintaining her mental health has been to her. She talked openly about regular therapy sessions and the meditation practice that you could see her doing between competitions. Today we���re going to talk about the concept of mental health versus mental illness. It���s a crucial distinction ��� and one that I think a lot of people get mixed up. As Simone said of her departure from the Tokyo Olympics four years ago:�����Nor do I have to explain why I put my health first. Physical health is mental health.���

The voicemail message for today is from someone whose mother wants to treat her still as if she were a child ��� and tries to maintain control over her now grown daughter. I���ll have some ideas��� although I���m happy to report that she���s read some of my work and that has offered her an explanation of why she���s feeling the way she does.

Vital Links:

The UK mind.org post on what creates mental health

Dr. Margaret's podcast episode on how to build self-esteem

Advertisers' Link:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer ��for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK
* Check out Sunbasket: sunbasket.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

406 SelfWork: How to Grieve A Parent's Death

How do you grieve a parent's death?

Even older adults have told me they feel "orphaned" after both of their parents die. So imagine what can happen when a parent dies when a child is young. There are all kinds of reasons for that child to feel as if their life will never be the same - that the loss makes it impossible to recover their innocence or contentment.

Today we'll hear from a listener who's describing this very dynamic. So much of what happens to a child depends on the adults around them. Yet, I offer ideas on what you can do about it as an adult yourself... as always. The death can't be changed, obviously. But how you live on, how you work through your grief, can be helped through these proactive steps.

Advertiser's Link:��

Click�� HERE ��for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 ��� with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled��Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

405 SelfWork: The Gift of Perspective: A Conversation with Lindsay Roy

Perspective is a gift. But most of us gain our perspective from years of living and learning.��Life often hands us challenges that build that perspective and that wisdom.

But not too many people have two catastrophic medical conditions to cope with ��� and certainly not two that occurred in the span of a decade.

Lindsey Roy had just that.

At age 31, Lindsey Roy was named vice-president at Hallmark Cards ��� one of the youngest in the company���s more-than-100-year history. Her life was abruptly transformed five years later when she was nearly killed in a boating accident. Left with an amputated left leg and severe limb injuries, and facing a long and difficult recovery ahead, she was determined not just to heal, but to emerge stronger.

A second blow...��

Eight years post-accident, fully adapted to her circumstances and genuinely thriving, Lindsey confronted the unexpected again: she was diagnosed with a rare and progressive disease that destroyed the blood vessels in her lungs, requiring a double-lung transplant. This profound setback challenged her to actively shift her viewpoint in order to discover the hidden advantages of her situation and new depths of resilience in herself.

Now a sought-after speaker, she���s imparting these hard-won lessons to help you adapt, persevere, and innovate in your own life.

Vital Links

Lindsay's Roys 2017 TEDx

The��Gift of Perspective - her first book recently published.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled��Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

404 SelfWork: Acknowledging and Talking About Your Depression

You have to acknowledge your depression in order to begin to talk about it. That may sound simple to do. But it's not quite so simple.

Why? Because nobody particularly wants to realize or admit that your way of "being" has changed, without you trying to change it. And in fact, you may have become so accustomed to being somewhat depressed, that it can lull you into thinking, "Well, this is just my new normal."

So today, my incredible team, Christine Mathias and John Crowley, have taken over the podcast for this week and are going to introduce you to a few clips where I talk about this very thing - acknowledging and talking about your depression.

Advertiser's Link:��

Click�� HERE ��for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 ��� with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford.��Subscribe��to��my website��and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you���d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click��here��and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled��Perfectly Hidden Depression��is available��here!��Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there���s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You���ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you���re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I���ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: happymammoth.com
* Check out Paired: paired.com/SELFWORK


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands