Margaret Robinson Rutherford's Blog, page 39

145 SelfWork: Dealing With the Elephant In The Room: Defending Yourself With Denial, Distraction and Other Defenses

Everyone knows when there's an elephant in the room. It's an event, fact or feeling-- past or present -- that can't, for some mysterious or not so mysterious reason, be acknowledged. It seems impossible or too risky or too painful to talk about. So you walk around it. Avoid it. Throw a sheet over it.

We all have what are called "defense mechanisms" to deal with what stresses us too much. It can be as simple as distraction (which can get a bad rap by some in psychology) which can entertain you, get your mind off something difficult. Or you can flat out deny it, meaning that you don't allow yourself to see or admit the reality of that stressful elephant.

Then there are more complex defenses, such as projection or compartmentalization. So today, we're talking about how you defend yourself from stress -- not a bad thing at all in moderation. It's only problematic when it's your only option to handle stress -- or tame the elephant.

Our listener email is from a teenager whose mom has two completely different ways of being and is trying to understand how to approach her. This is a common question I get about loved ones so I thought I'd answer it on air.

Important Links:

The article by Dr. John Grohol on Psych Central describing common defense mechanisms

Link to NPR's Invisibilia 

You can hear more about coping with stress and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive my weekly blog posts and podcasts!If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here!Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

144 SelfWork: Three Steps To Creating Motivation That Works

Getting motivated for change and maintaining that change can be tricky business. Willpower. Self-discipline. Focus. All are touted as necessary for achievement of your goals. But where does self-acceptance come into this? And what about understanding what's underneath the change you maybe want or need to make? I'll talk today about how motivation -- understanding why you're working toward certain goals and the importance of not depending on shame to move toward those goals, as it will only sabotage your attempts in the end.

The listener email is from someone who sought therapy in the past but hasn't as of yet had a successful experience. She's taking responsibility for some of that, but also finds that therapists tend to "meander" instead of coming up with specific goals and ways to get there.

You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive my weekly blog posts and podcasts!

If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depressionwill be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-orderhere!Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Important Links:

Book by Mark Mason The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F__k–

Important link: Mark Manson on Self-Discipline

 

143 SelfWork: Is Depression Simply A Chemical Imbalance? Pt. 2 The Role of Stress and Trauma

Welcome. If you've listened to the previous episode, you know that explaining depression as a "chemical imbalance" is far too simple for such a complex process. Today I'm once again using a very well-written article by a team at Harvard as a guide. Today we'll focus on the  non-neurological factors that have a tremendous influence on whether or not you could become depressed -- specifically stress, trauma, medical illnesses and medications themselves. And I throw in some of my own observations and thoughts. And as always, there's a focus on treatment -- or what you can do about it.

The listener email format is different today! On my website (and within the show notes) there’s now an icon from SpeakPipe which invites you to leave me a message for use on the podcast. This listener's question is a poignant one. She and her husband have been booted out of her daughter's life, who seems to have a history of significant emotional problems and is in therapy. So the question is how this mother could approach this very painful estrangement from her daughter as she wonders if the therapy itself is encouraging this behavior.

Important links:

Episode 091 on decreasing stress through mindfulness

SelfWork Episode 109 on the use of a timeline

Another more recent episode (121) on healing from trauma

You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts!

If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

142 SelfWork: Is Depression Simply A Chemical Imbalance? Part 1

Can depression be explained simply as a chemical imbalance? The answer is a resounding “no.” I’m basing this episode on a very well-written article by a team at Harvard that offers understandable explanations of what researchers believe is going on in your brain and in your life that can lead to depression. And here’s their […]

The post 142 SelfWork: Is Depression Simply A Chemical Imbalance? Part 1 appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

141 SelfWork: Mirror Mirror… The Struggle with Body Image

How often to you look in the mirror and wish you saw another reflection there? There are many reasons for this lack of self-acceptance, everything from bullying to aging to irrational thinking and obsession. I’ll give some examples from my own life – as this has definitely been on my own journey toward health, but […]

The post 141 SelfWork: Mirror Mirror… The Struggle with Body Image appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

140 SelfWork: Why Is Change So Difficult? The Power of Triggers

Even when you want change in your life, it’s hard to give up what’s familiar and risk the unfamiliar. You at least know you can tolerate what’s happening now and change can be daunting. But you can also be struggling with powerful triggers. I’ll define what a trigger is – how it can be known […]

The post 140 SelfWork: Why Is Change So Difficult? The Power of Triggers appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

139 SelfWork: Borderline? Dependent? Narcissistic? What Exactly Is A Personality Disorder?

When you hear the term “personality disorder,” what does that mean? That someone ‘s personality is off-putting or self-destructive? Is it different from mental illness, and if so, how is it different? And if you identify with one of them or are trying to love someone with these problems, is there hope? In this episode […]

The post 139 SelfWork: Borderline? Dependent? Narcissistic? What Exactly Is A Personality Disorder? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

138 SelfWork: The Many Ways to Feel Invisible and How to Find Your Voice

What does it mean to “feel invisible?” Like you don’t matter. You aren’t a vital part of things. You’re being overlooked or seen only for what you can do instead of for who you are. That perception can be part of depression, and that “invisibility” may be imagined or misperceived. But sometimes it’s reality, not […]

The post 138 SelfWork: The Many Ways to Feel Invisible and How to Find Your Voice appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

137 SelfWork: Let’s Talk Medications – From a Psychologist’s Point of View

Medications. You are bombarded with advertisements for them everywhere. And meds for mental health are no exception. In today’s show, I’m offering my clinical perspective as a psychologist (as well as expert advice from Dr. Michael Yapko) after watching thousands of people over the years try out different medications and working hand in hand with […]

The post 137 SelfWork: Let’s Talk Medications – From a Psychologist’s Point of View appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

136 SelfWork: When the Going Gets Tough.. Self-Composure vs. Stoicism

Do you live by the rule, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going?’ In this podcast, I offer another way of approaching life when it gets tough — an approach that honors both the need to forge ahead when things get hard, but one that won’t lead to emotional and even physical burnout. I […]

The post 136 SelfWork: When the Going Gets Tough.. Self-Composure vs. Stoicism appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford.