Petrina Binney's Blog, page 11
October 29, 2021
Book Review – Dog Day Afternoon (A Dublin Story of a Kick-Ass Dog, The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book Three) by Caimh McDonnell
Dog Day Afternoon (A Dublin Story of a Kick-Ass Dog, The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book Three) by Caimh McDonnell
A good, quick read. Dog Day Afternoon follows our favourite Irish Detective Sergeant, Bunny McGarry, as he searches for a corpse to take the place of a police dog, condemned to death for an attack that was beyond her control.
If Bunny is to save Maggie, the police dog, he’ll need an agreeable vet and a doppelgänger dead dog pronto. But will he find a body in time? And even if he does, will anyone believe it’s really Maggie?
Great fun. Maggie is a great character. It can be difficult to understand the personality traits of a non-speaking character, but she’s very well-written and the imagery and humour of the author’s other works are evident in this short story. I loved it. Aside from Maggie, I really liked put-upon, last-minute veterinarian, Noreen:
“She really had tried to like people, but it was very hard to based on the available evidence – war, famine and the films of Adam Sandler. Animals, on the other hand, were infinitely more lovable. In fact, their only downside was that they were invariably owned by people. It was the Peter principle on a massive evolutionary scale. Humanity had been promoted to the position of dominant species, a role they managed with utter incompetency.
“Take this specimen, for example; standing on the opposite side of the counter in a black sheepskin coat, which smelled like it hadn’t been cleaned since the sheep had worn it. His large bulbous face was a shade of red only meant for beetroot and heart attacks, and a lazy left eye only added to the impression of him being unhinged. To be fair, in other circumstances, he’d probably have just looked intense as opposed to deranged, but those circumstances would’ve involved him not bursting into her surgery demanding a dead dog.”
54% in, Dog Day Afternoon, The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book Three) by Caimh McDonnell
October 27, 2021
Book Review – Bloody Christmas (A Bunny McGarry Novella, The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book Two) by Caimh McDonnell
Bloody Christmas (A Bunny McGarry Novella, The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book Two) by Caimh McDonnell
First published, 2020
Sold in aid of homeless charity, The Peter McVerry Trust, this is an excellent introduction to the humour, pathos and writing style of Mr McDonnell.
Appearing second in the Deluxe Edition, Part One, of this not-really-mathematically-speaking-trilogy, Bloody Christmas follows sheepskin-clad, wonky-eyed hero, Bunny McGarry as he faces possible death at the urinal and goes through the city’s sewers in search of a missing child.
The writing is smart and assured, the humour is delightful and I love the author’s voice. There’s no mistaking the musicality and tempo of the writing, there’s always poetry in an Irish voice.
For example, the first couple of lines in Chapter One, Duck Soup, where Bunny is meeting with a psychiatrist.
“Bunny stared hard at the wall. ‘Can I ask a question?’
“‘Of course,’ replied Dr Warwick in that tone of voice that Bunny guessed he practised a lot. The one he no doubt thought made him sound calm and authoritative and not at all like a smug gobshite with a highly slappable face. “’This wallpaper you’ve got, is it one of them what-cha-me-call-its… rickshaw tests?’
“‘Do you mean Rorschach tests?’ asked Warwick.
“‘Yeah. One of them.’
“’No, it’s just wallpaper.’
“‘Oh right. Did you choose it?’
“‘As it happens, I did.’
“‘Were there many other options?’
“Dr Warwick turned and glanced back at it. ‘I vaguely recall there being a catalogue.’
“‘Right. And you thought you’d go with this one?’
“‘Am I to assume that you don’t like the wallpaper?’
“‘It’s not for me to say. I mean have ye not noticed at all that the pattern looks a bit y’know…’
“‘Like what?’
“’Like a lady’s downstairs bits, only on fire.’”
45% in, Duck Soup, Bloody Christmas, The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One by Caimh McDonnell
Wonderful.
October 25, 2021
A Man With One Of Those Faces (The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book One) by Caimh McDonnell
Book Review – A Man With One Of Those Faces (The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book One) by Caimh McDonnell
First published, 2016
The story follows an every man, Paul Mulchrone, a man with one of those faces, who visits an old folks’ home regularly because he can be mistaken for whoever the patients are hoping to see. Although an act of semi-questionable kindness, Paul does this voluntary work because the moment he gets a paid job, he will forfeit the home and monthly stipend left him by his great aunt, and as stipulated in her will, the whole kit and caboodle will go to the donkey sanctuary. As Paul doesn’t have the highest opinion of donkeys, he’ll stretch that money as far as it will go and keep up the voluntary work, thank you very much.
Asked by nurse Brigit Conroy to fit in one final visit to an old fella who hasn’t seen a friendly, non-medical face in the three weeks since his admission to the home, Paul finds himself plunged into a deadly intrigue, a case of mistaken identity and is thought to have discovered something so secret, so shocking, that he has become an everyday guy with a target on his back and something underneath his car.
Assisted by Brigit and days-from-retirement Detective Jimmy Stewart, Paul must run for his life or solve a thirty year old mystery to save his skin.
A very funny and clever thrill-ride with some great dialogue, beautiful scenery and cracking characters. I laughed out loud more than once.
“‘You know what,’ he said. ‘Don’t you dare cry! I have every right to be angry. Don’t you take that away from me.’
“She nodded her agreement.
“‘And don’t agree with me. You don’t get to be reasonable,’ he said. ’Thanks to you, I could be dead! So you stand there, not crying – and take the damn good tongue lashing you’ve got coming.’
“He’d never used that phrase before in his life and, even as it came out of his mouth, the little internal editor in the back of his brain looked up from his newspaper and sneered. Where the hell did that come from?
“As Brigit dabbed a tear away from her left eye with the corner of a tissue, her right eyebrow rose ever so slightly, in the tiniest acknowledgement of his peculiar choice of words. For some reason that made him even angrier.
“‘And don’t you… don’t you DARE find my choice of words funny.’
“She shook her head furiously but even as she did so, a nervous smile played across her lips.
“’Stop – stop it right this minute!’ His tone was becoming pleading now. He could feel the conversation slipping further off the course he’d planned out.”
5% in, Chapter Four, A Man With One Of Those Faces (The Dublin Trilogy Deluxe Part One, Book One) by Caimh McDonnell
It is worth bearing in mind, this is a trilogy unlike any other. Where most trilogies have three parts, this deluxe edition has two parts, each made up for four stories. I’ve never been good with numbers so that’s the extent of my explanation.
Joyous.
For the first book, follow this link: https://amzn.to/3111Aeg
Or, to get right into the craziness and get the whole first part of the eight part ‘trilogy’, head over this way: https://amzn.to/3mcu4tK
October 23, 2021
Writing Tip #31: Actually Selling The Thing
So, how are you supposed to work out algorithms when you really have to think about how to spell the darn things?
Well, there are all kinds of books on how to market self-published work. The main problem seems to be that your traditionally published books have the benefit of marketing departments and organisational skills, and a whole load of money, behind them, where the self-publisher has to do everything themselves.
And maybe that’s true. In any case, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you need to know absolutely everything when you first start. A lot of these things can only be learnt with experience. That said, it doesn’t hurt to give yourself a bit of a leg-up and with this free guide, you might get some ideas of how to make ‘free’ pay the bills.
Book Review – The Unofficial Author’s Guide To Selling Your Book On Amazon: The Top 5 Cheat Sheet for Self Publishing Authors by Richard McCartney
First published, 2016
A good starter guide for the new writer. I knew a lot of the techniques here, such as – making your first book in series free, increasing your book’s categories from the standard two to ten via Author Central, and looking at ways to get positive reviews better exposure to drown out the trolls (if, indeed, trolls they are).
Unfortunately, I struggle with any writing guide or marketing book that contains spelling errors and there are a decent handful here (‘use to’ instead of ‘used to’, ‘advise’ for ‘advice’ – basic stuff that spellcheck won’t pick up and, okay, it might seem niggly to pick out these mistakes but this is a book about giving your book the best possible chance. It should be well-written).
However, if you find the algorithm frightening, and free books don’t make financial sense to you, this may be the marketing book for you. It has been updated to deal with the new ways Amazon shows its reviews, and the hideous topic of ratings (I can’t bear ratings, I like a bit more detail than can be provided by a clicking the stars and moving on).
October 21, 2021
Writing Tip #30: How To Stop Your First Book Being A Mixture of Pride and Disappointment
I know. It is a good old while since I wrote one of these tips.
How’ve you been?
Well, here’s the book you really MUST read if you’re going to write that novel. I mean it. None of us has as much time as we’d like to sit and read and ponder the universe, and maybe it feels like if you spend all your time reading, you’ll have no time for writing.
This is the exception. It’s a short read, won’t take long, and it’ll save you looking back at your first book and apologising.
Book Review – Put The Cat In The Oven Before You Describe The Kitchen by Jake Vander Ark
First published, 2012
All new writers should read this book. Oh yeah. I said it. There’s something here for every writer really, from would-be to the more experienced author but – eesh, how I wish I’d read this book before I published my first.
There’s excellent advice here; brief and to the point, but thoroughly explained. Mr Vander Ark talks through concepts like Show, Don’t Tell – a major stumbling block for a lot of writers, what the inciting incident really is, right the way through to the exploration of truth, and why you should watch good TV and films with a notebook.
If you want to have a crack at writing a book and you don’t want your first novel to be a source of mixed pride and disappointment, read this now.
October 18, 2021
Book Review – Reaper’s Run (A Plague Wars Novel) by David Vandyke with Ryan King
Book Review – Reaper’s Run (A Plague Wars Novel) by David Vandyke with Ryan King
First published, 2013
The story follows Jill “Reaper” Repeth, a double amputee and serving member of the US Marine Corps, as the world is struck by a shocking plague. But where most plagues cause pain, pustules and rancid, choking death, this airborne infection brings perfect mental, physical and emotional health, as well as surprising longevity. It doesn’t change people’s personalities, but the illness does seem to make the afflicted kinder to others. But with people being more thoughtful and generally well, naturally, the authorities want the thing stamped out as quickly as possible. There’s no profit in healthy people who can’t be manipulated or frightened.
As the government launches nuclear attack on its own citizens, and martial law makes the ordinary folk suspicious of their plague-ridden brethren (known as Sickos), Jill makes her way from one side of the tattered USA to the other, hoping against hope that her family has survived the attack on LA, all the while, eating a vast amount and regrowing her feet.
But in a nation split between us and them, with dangerous truckers and intriguing mountain-folk, can Jill make it back to Los Angeles? And will anyone be waiting for her if she makes it?
A great, action-packed, military-led story; the characterisations were fresh and powerful, and there were several moments when my mouth actually fell open in surprise. The imagery was startling and I really enjoyed the character of Python, a longterm, in-and-out prison inmate, lumped in with the afflicted to get him out of a system that’s had enough of him.
A really good story that I’m bound to think about for a long time to come. Well worth a read.
October 17, 2021
Book Review – The Complete Yes Prime Minister by Jonathan Lynn and Antony Jay
Book Review – The Complete Yes Prime Minister by Jonathan Lynn and Antony Jay
First published, 1989
Now, you may recall that I recently read my first novelisation in 20-odd years – the book of the film, Once Upon a Time In Hollywood by Quentin Tarantino (which I’ve never seen). Well, it got me thinking: it might be an idea to read the book of a film or series I actually know. So, off I went to Amazon and I couldn’t stop myself from clicking on this, The Complete Yes Prime Minister.
Taking the form of transcribed recordings, diary entries, private letters and explanatory footnotes, as well as a few news headlines from the series, it is a romp through the first year in office of well-meaning, slightly-baffled, fictional Prime Minister, Jim Hacker and his civil service advisors: the loquacious and long-winded smoothie, Sir Humphrey Appleby, and kindly, service-translator, Bernard Wooley.
Having arrived at 10 Downing Street, Jim wants to maintain his popularity (no mean feat) in order to ensure his re-election, all the while learning that real power is not all it’s cracked up to be, and trying to understand the double-speak of high office.
When I was growing up, Yes Minister and its sequel, Yes Prime Minister were repeated with some regularity on TV. Arguably a lot of the concepts and asides were far beyond me (I was about seven or eight years old), but I remember loving the way Sir Humphrey would explain something in terribly lofty language and the most beautiful speaking voice heard anywhere (Nigel Hawthorne was quite something), and Jim (the equally wonderful Paul Eddington) would be just as perplexed as I was.
Many of us remember the “Probably” speech with much affection. It, and many other memorable moments are faithfully recreated here. I was delighted to find myself reading on my sofa in Somerset and hearing the actors’ voices in my head.
A couple of typos but not enough to mar the reading of this tremendous book.
“Humphrey’s enthusiasm for Trident knows no bounds. ‘But don’t you see, Prime Minister – with Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe!’
“I don’t want to obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe. I told him so. He nodded impatiently. He knew that. He thought I was missing the point. ‘It has to be an effective deterrent, Prime Minister.’
“‘But it’s a bluff,’ I told him. ‘I probably wouldn’t use it.’
“’They don’t KNOW that you probably wouldn’t use it,’ he argued.
“’They probably do,’ I said.
“He was forced to agree. ‘Yes… they PROBABLY know that you probably wouldn’t. But they can’t CERTAINLY know.’
“He’s right about that. But they don’t have to certainly know. ‘They PROBABLY certainly know that I probably wouldn’t,’ I said.
“‘Yes,’ he agreed, ‘but even thought they PROBABLY certainly know that you probably wouldn’t, they don’t CERTAINLY know that although you PROBABLY wouldn’t, there is NO PROBABILITY that you certainly would.’
“Bernard was taking careful minutes. It’s lucky he does shorthand and was able to reconstruct this conversation for me in writing by the end of the day.”
16% in, Chapter Two – The Grand Design, The Complete Yes Prime Minister by Jonathan Lynn and Antony Jay
October 16, 2021
Book Review – The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows by Olivia Waite
Book Review – The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows by Olivia Waite
First published, 2020
In this, the second instalment of the Feminine Pursuits series (you may remember my review of the first book, The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics, here: https://petrinabinney.com/2020/02/20/book-review-the-ladys-guide-to-celestial-mechanics-by-olivia-waite/), we meet respectable widow and print-shop proprietress, Agatha Griffin, and potentially-widowed-at-any-given-moment, whaler’s wife, Penelope Flood, in the early 1800s.
Where Agatha was very devoted to her late husband and throws all her efforts into pushing their nineteen-year-old son into manhood, as well as running the family business, Penelope bustles through the little village of Melliton in gentleman’s trousers, tending to the neighbourhood bees. And where Mrs. Griffin starts out prickly and aloof, Mrs. Flood doesn’t want to ruin their unexpected friendship with wholehearted honesty. She could tell Agatha that she’d married her husband out of kindness, not love. She could tell her that neither she nor her husband are really the marrying kind (wink-wink), but then she might have to tell Mrs. Griffin how desperately she’s falling in love with her. And that would never do. Or would it?
With a backdrop of bees and lewd sculptures, there’s a lot to love about this book. I particularly enjoyed Agatha’s playful irritation of her late-to-rise son, Sydney:
“There was no sweeter privilege of motherhood than knocking at dawn on the door of one’s self-indulgent son, only to observe when the door creaked open that he was spine-shudderingly, knee-wobblingly, and stomach-churningly hungover.
“‘Good morning, my dear,’ Agatha trilled extra-brightly, smugness wrapping around her like a warm comforting shawl.
“Sydney managed a pained whimper in response. Heavens, but he looked like he’d been turned inside out and then back again and his skin no longer hung quite correctly on his bones.
“Agatha let her voice turn syrup-sweet. ‘What say I make you something special for breakfast? Kippers and bacon? Eggs and gravy? Jellied eels in brandy sauce?’
“Sydney’s face went from white to green and then gone, as he slammed the door in her face – presumably to have a private tête-à-tête with his chamber pot.”
8% in, Chapter Two, The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows by Olivia Waite
If you’re a fan of the slowburn, heart-and-general-aching romance, this is for you. Gorgeous.
October 15, 2021
Book Review – Razorback by Carter Ettore
Book Review – Razorback by Carter Ettore
First published, 2020
The story follows Leon, an opinionated, drinking, smoking philosopher as he devotes a large number of his waking hours to the consideration and analysis of his neighbours, other people’s relationships, the mascots of aquarium-based restaurants, and his own bodily functions. But as his life falls apart, will Leon even notice? And if he does, how will he cope?
I wanted to like this book more than I did. Sadly, it was overly verbose, with simple enough scenes cluttered up with extraneous language which just made it harder to visualise. Although perhaps not designed to make the reader feel stupid, it did take me two or three passes of most sentences to get the gist of them, which was very frustrating.
There is a school of thought that suggests that if you are articulate and well-spoken enough, you can do as many lavatorial jokes as you like. (Generally, this is true. I went to a Masons’ lunch once, surrounded by the people I believed ran the country and I’ve never heard so many fart jokes in my life.) The trouble with this book is, although filled to the brim with bodily humour, by the time you’ve figured out a the sentence, it’s no longer funny.
For example (because maybe it’s just me), this scene, where the main character, Leon, desperately needs to find a bathroom:
“By now, the expansion of interior dimensions was causing Leon to adopt a particular pose of intentional reverse scoliosis wherein, as he plodded along, he arched his spine as tall and to the rear as possible – to make room for the ever-inflating piss mass in his guts – while espousing the ambulatory quality of a mating flamingo to keep it all from prematurely spilling out.”
19% in, Moonshot Splashback, Razorback by Carter Ettore
At times, a turn of phrase or momentary thought becomes a source of obsession for the protagonist. When acting as Best Man, one of the other groomsmen describes the bride as having a ‘crazy ass’ which, as Leon warms to this theme, he renames ‘the Charles Manson of asses. Hiding beneath the sleek veneer of that wedding dress, like the leader of a ritual ass murder cult in the folds of a fledgling Southern California pop music scene. If Dana’s ass had a forehead, it would have a swastika branded into its front, with a brain full of the devil’s details in the bubbling behind. Whatever that ass did in the world, it could not be held accountable, because unlike other asses, that particular ass had absolutely no perception of right or wrong.”
38% in, The Mental Fortitude of a Bride’s Ass, Razorback by Carter Ettore
I’ve marked it as one to reread in ten years’ time in case I’m smarter or my brain has changed the way it works by then.
Book Review – Princess Petrina and the Witch’s Curse by James Sutherland
Book Review – Princess Petrina and the Witch’s Curse by James Sutherland
First published, 2018
A children’s story, the narrative follows the titular Princess Petrina as she approaches the date of her Coming of Age ceremony, and is suddenly afflicted by a curse that predates her birth.
Years ago, when her father, King Trevor, went hunting in the woods, he managed to shoot a witch with a bow and arrow, having mistaken her for a pig. To mitigate his error, he went on to tell the witch exactly what he’d thought she was. Fast forward seventeen years and the King’s bumbling mistake has brought about a magical affliction on the face of his only child. Only the unknown witch can reverse the spell but, after so many years, who will search for her? And where will they even begin to look?
A traditional-feeling fairy story, with some humour that I think parents, aunties and uncles, will enjoy along with the young audience, I really loved the fact that (spoiler) Petrina doesn’t have to wait for a handsome prince or a Scottish-accented ogre, or even her father to rescue her. She’s a short, headstrong, clever, bossy young woman (can’t think who she reminds me of) and she’s more than capable of rescuing herself. A great bedtime story.
Although I genuinely think this is a really great story, I’d implore parents to read this to their children as it would be nice to think that, in years to come, there’ll be a generation for whom I won’t have to spell my name.
“‘If you’re too scared to go and find this witch,’ she cried, ‘then I shall go myself.’
“For a split second, this struck King Trevor as a rather splendid idea. Then he remembered, he was the king and she was his daughter. It would not go down well with the people if he were to send her off on such a dangerous mission whilst he, ruler of all the lands between the Great Sea of the North and the Medium-sized Sea of the South, stayed at home to eat his kippers…”
38% in, Chapter Nine, Princess Petrina and the Witch’s Curse by James Sutherland
The recommended reading age is 6-12. I put this in only as a guide because I’m 39 and I loved it.
