Robbie Yates's Blog, page 13

Spreading… Joy

I’ve come up with a contest

A game that’s bright and new.

It’s something fairly simple

That anyone can do.

It must take place in winter

(It can’t be all year round)

Because it’s based on spreading

The common cold around!

Now when the idea struck me

At first, I thought I’d win.

But suddenly remembered

The trains and those within.

The passengers on buses

And elevators too.

The sneezers in your office,

And hallway coughers—Ew.

You see, the art of spreading

The flu both far and wide

Is something in which many

Have skills they just can’t hide.

I’m sure it will be lively

So join the contest please.

For now, though, please excuse me.

I need to go and sneeze.

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Image from Deposit Photos © ainsel 2016

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Grandpa’s Lies

My Grandpa tells me stories

I think they’re sometimes lies.

He tells me he bakes cookies

And mixes in dead flies.

He tells me he’s a psychic,

That he reads Grandma’s mind—

But “All her thoughts are empty

There’s nothing there to find!”

My Grandpa tells me stories

And lots of them aren’t true.

He told me when he was a kid

He ate a horse’s poo.

He told me he’s a ninja

And saves the world from crime

He said “I’d give more details—

But oops!

We’re out of time!”

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Image from Deposit Photos © zzve 2014

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Credit Card

I’m not one to usually boast,

But I found a hack that beats most!

A card, very small

FREE MONEY FOR ALL!

Now what’s that? I just heard the post…

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Image from Pixabay © ProSmile 2017

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Finish This Poem – “Grandma’s Birthday”

Next week is Grandma’s birthday.

I thought I’d buy a horse.

She loves a lot of creatures

She’d love this too, of course.

It turns out they’re expensive,

I had to change my mind,

But what I bought her’s BETTER,

I think that’s what you’ll find.

Next week is Grandma’s birthday,

At first I’d no idea.

But then—a thought just struck me—

I’ll buy her lots of beer!

Alas, she doesn’t drink it,

My thought was not so great.

Besides, I cannot buy it,

Because I’m only eight.

Next week is Grandma’s birthday

And though I am quite poor,

I tipped out my whole piggy bank

Onto my bedroom floor.

Eleven dollars fifty,

I counted it with glee,

So guess what I got Grandma?!

…

(Can you finish this poem?

An Ode to Clothing

This is an ode to clothing of

A very special type.

It’s rather undervalued,

There’s never any hype.

This clothing, though, is central

To dignity, and more—

Without it, all our pants would be

In heaps upon the floor.

It’s belts of which I’m speaking,

It’s belts that keep things right.

Without our belts, the world would see

Our undies, pink and white.

These marvellous creations

Robust and cheap and true

They keep our very’ buttcracks

Right out of public view!

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Image from Pixabay © 39839 2013

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Interview with Robbie Yates — Books, Reviews, et al by Shalini

Recently I teamed up with the AMAZING FANTASTIC WONDERFUL PHENOMENAL BRILLIANT Shalini from Digital Reads Blog Tours who ran a seamless blog tour in promotion of Daniel Daniels and the World’s Worst Zoo. If you’re interested, please check out her interview below.

Today I have the sweetest author Robbie Yates here with me, at the end of this blog tour. I am feeling a bit sentimental, a bit nostalgic. It was so fun working and communicating with Robbie 1) Tell me something about yourself. Who is Robbie Yates and what does Robbie Yates do in real life? […]

via Interview with Robbie Yates — Books, Reviews, et al by Shalini

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Bathing

I’ve made a resolution, it’s a vow to which I’ll stick.

It’s something that will make my daily chores so much more quick.

By skipping just one thing, I will get back a whole half-hour:

My brand new resolution is that I won’t bathe or shower.

It’s fairly eco-friendly, cos no water will be used.

No shower cap is needed and all soap will be refused.

The heating for the water makes my power bills so high—

And now they’ll be much lower, yet I’ll hardly need to try.

I hear you saying softly, “Robbie, what about the smell?”

And I’m not one for ponging so I thought that out as well.

So just so putrid odours do not make my buddies sick,

I’ve got some nice cologne that I will spray on really thick.

So if you’d like to join me in rejection of the bath,

Feel free to do the same, for it is sure to bring a laugh.

At least if others like this thought and also come along—

I’ll definitely not be left alone here in my pong.

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Image from Deposit Photos © scribbles-toons 2013

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The Hungry Teacher

There once was a teacher who ate

Most everything piled on his plate.

He’d gulp, swallow, chew,

All his pasta and stew,

He’d a hunger that nothing could sate.

His teaching was clever and fine.

His class‌—‌twenty kids‌—‌were divine.

But as the year passed

That twenty-kid class

Became eighteen, then twelve, and then nine…

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Image from Deposit Photos © lineartestpilot 2013

Want to read more poems like “The Hungry Teacher?” I’ve published an anthology—Collected Poems—which is available for free when you join my mailing list. What’s that? More ridiculous free poems?! How could anybody resist!

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Balcony

It’s raining on my balcony

So how shall I proceed?

It’s forming little puddles.

It’s very wet indeed.

If I go out and stand there I’ll

Get wet inside and out!

I’m worried that the rain won’t stop,

I’m full of dread and doubt!

It’s raining on my balcony.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want soggy clothing

Or water in my shoe.

I feel so very panicked,

And I’ll admit, I cried.

But then—a great solution!

I’ll simply stay inside.

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Image from Pixabay © WandererCreative 2016

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My New Bed

I did some online shopping

I bought a brand new bed

It didn’t fit inside my room

I sent it back instead.

And with my refund money

I bought a rusty car

Since I don’t have my licence

I couldn’t drive it far.

So when I got my money back

I bought a double bass

It turns out I can’t play it

I sent it back post-haste.

By that point all my money

Had dwindled quite a bit

But with the cash remaining

I bought a sewing kit.

It turns out I am useless

I don’t know how to sew

I sent back all the gear and then

Bought jackets for the snow.

Now I live in the desert

The only snow I see

Is stuff on Christmas movies and

The snow that’s on TV.

I sent away my jackets

And got my cash returned

I bought some brand new glasses but

My eyesight’s fine, I learned.

Now once I sent the glasses

Back to the factory

The only money I got back?

A dollar seventy.

I need to do some saving

Cos though my bed is fine

I think I’d like a new one

I might get one online.

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Image from Deposit Photos © creativestall 2015

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