Cascia Talbert's Blog, page 54

How to Tell a Baby’s Gender on an Ultrasound

by LouAnn Moss

Most new parents decide to find out their baby’s gender before birth. A study by Obstetrics and Gynecology found that 69% of parents wanted to know. The reasons given varied from “out of curiosity”, “because it was possible”, and they “just wanted to know”.

An ultrasound is the best tool available to reveal the gender in utero. It’s a noninvasive technology that uses sound waves to create images. Viewing fetuses during prenatal care is the most common use for the ultrasound technology. When used in this way, it’s called obstetric sonography. Between 18 to 20 of weeks of pregnancy, a detailed scan can be performed, called a level 2 ultrasound. The sonographer will measure the size of the baby, check the major organs, check the placenta, and measure the amniotic fluid level to make sure everything is developing as it should be. During a level 2 exam, the sex of the baby can also be seen with a high degree of certainty.

How to Tell a Baby’s Gender on an Ultrasound

When determining a baby’s sex, the absence of a penis doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a girl. Excessive movement by the baby during the exam can send back bad images that make it difficult to see what the sex is. Under optimal conditions though, using an ultrasound to find the sex has been proven 100% accurate in some studies. The variables that can lead to mistakes are the sonographer’s experience, fetal age, and fetal sex.

Signs of a Girl

When determining the sex of the fetus, the technician will look for certain characteristics unique to both sexes. In girls, they look for the “hamburger sign” of three white lines during the ultrasound. The three lines show the labia on the sides and the clitoris in the middle. The sagittal sign involves taking a profile of the fetus on the sagittal plane. On the image, follow the baby’s spine to the tailbone with a nub at the end of it. If it’s a girl, there will be a downward pointing notch on the nub.

Signs of a Boy

If the baby is a boy, the sagittal sign can still be used. The difference is that the notch will face upward. The flow of urine from the baby can sometimes be seen, and if it’s moving upward, it’s more likely a boy—this is more difficult to see than other signs, though. Male genitalia are easier to see on ultrasound when the baby isn’t moving, so if a penis, scrotum, and testicles can be seen, that is indisputable proof it’s a boy.

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It’s Back-to-School Season—Time to Start Cooking with Your Kids!

by Susan Bowerman, M.S., RD, CSSD, CSOWM, FAND – Director, Worldwide Nutrition Education and Training, Herbalife Nutrition

Now that your kids are heading back to school, your biggest opportunity to spend time together is likely around the dinner table, when your family is home for the evening. This is typically the time parents also take advantage of hearing about their kids’ days, and what they’re learning in school.

In addition to spending time together as a family, eating more meals at home is generally associated with a higher intake of healthy fruits, vegetables and dairy products that are recommended for a balanced diet, and usually with less fat and calories. But getting your kids involved in the process of making meals at home offers you and your growing child even more benefits.

With obesity and overweight rates amongst kids continuously on the rise, and also understanding parents’ constant juggling to ensure their children are living as healthy as possible, Susan Bowerman shares three advantages of letting your little ones help in the kitchen:

Develop an Appreciation for Healthy Foods

In addition to following their parents’ healthy food choices, being a part of the process will help kids appreciate the healthy foods they help to prepare. When kids are involved in the selection of ingredients, they’re also more likely to try their own creations, which in turn, may also allow them to be more open to trying new foods.

Boost Creativity and Self-Esteem

Does your child love to celebrate when he or she has done something “all by myself”? When kids are able to prepare something on their own and share it with others, it boosts their self-esteem. As they continue building their skills – such as learning to follow recipes – they may feel encouraged to get more and more creative, and may even start designing recipes of their own!

Increase Coordination and Attention Span

Cooking involves following the steps in a recipe correctly in order to get to a tasty finished product, which allows kids to practice paying attention to detail and focusing on a task. Partaking in activities like stirring, mixing ingredients and rolling dough – or, for older children, chopping vegetables – is a great way to also enhance important motor skills like strength, control, and hand-eye coordination.

No matter how your kids respond to cooking in the kitchen, mealtime is always a wonderful opportunity for family bonding!

For more tips from Susan Bowerman, visit www.IAMHerbalifeNutrition.com.

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Murder of Bible Translator in Cameroon Is Further Evidence of Need for U.S. Special Envoy in That Region

by Cascia Talbert

Save the Persecuted Christians  Calls on Law Firm Squire Patton Boggs to Cease Representation of Cameroon and Others That Commit Atrocious Religious Liberty Violations

WASHINGTON—The Christian Post reported a gruesome and heart-breaking atrocity yesterday—that a Wycliffe Bible translator was murdered with a machete in Cameroon over the weekend.

“Angus Abraham Fung was among seven people said to have been killed during an attack carried out by suspected Fulani herdsmen sometime during the early hours of Sunday morning in the town of Wum,” the Christian media outlet reported. The attackers stormed homes under the dark of night, and Fung’s wife, Eveline, was also attacked severely, having her arm severed completely.

For many months, Save the Persecuted Christians (STPC), which advocates on behalf of hundreds of millions of persecuted Christians worldwide, says the tragedy is further evidence that a U.S. special envoy to Nigeria and the Lake Chad region, which includes nearby Cameroon, is desperately needed.

Squire Patton Boggs is Helping Save the Persecuted Christians

Since May, Save the Persecuted Christians has also implored the prominent law firm Squire Patton Boggs, which lobbies on behalf of the People’s Republic of China, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Cameroon and the Palestinian Authority—all regimes or entities that are state-sponsors of persecution—to cease such representation. Read more here.

“We are saddened by the news of Mr. Fung’s death and the maiming of his wife in what appears to be Fulani violence spurred on by the government of Cameroon,” said Dede Laugesen, executive director of Save the Persecuted Christians. “Fulani terrorist activity is rising in all the countries bordering Lake Chad, and news of the government arming the Fulani is deeply concerning. This is why the Trump administration must move quickly to appoint a special envoy for Nigeria and the Lake Chad region and why we are so insistent that Squire Patton Boggs, an American law and lobby firm, end its representation of the Cameroon regime.”

House Reps Frank Wolf and Tony Hall Express Need for US Envoy

Earlier this year, Save the Persecuted Christians advisory board members and former members of the House of Representatives, Republican Frank Wolf and Democrat Tony Hall, authored an editorial that lays out the need for an envoy to help stave off further, destabilizing violence against Christians in those neighboring nations.

The mission of Save the Persecuted Christians is to save lives and save souls by disseminating actionable information about the magnitude of the persecution taking place globally and by mobilizing concerned Americans for the purpose of disincentivizing further attacks on those who follow Jesus.

The People of the Cross Traveling Exhibit Educates People About Persecuted Christians

Save the Persecuted Christians works to educate about persecution around the world through its exhibit titled “The People of the Cross,” a series of vertical traveling banners that feature images, facts and quotes from recent news stories about the persecution of Christians in multiple countries, such as China, where Communists are increasingly hostile to people of faith and churches are demolished; Saudi Arabia, where  Christianity is prohibited and Christian communities and sacred sites have been cleansed; Pakistan, where blasphemy is enforced and is a capital offense under Sharia law; and Nigeria, the Sahel and East Africa, where terrorists are exterminating Christians with genocidal intent. A majority of the countries highlighted in the banners are high on Open Doors’ 2019 World Watch List.

“The People of the Cross” exhibit has toured the United States, reaching an audience of at least 50,000, and is available for churches, public venues and special events. A new traveling exhibit, “Warfare on Women,” detailing the stories of women targeted for terror because they believe in Jesus, premiered as a side-event to this year’s U.S. Ministerial to Advance Religious Freedom. One banner spotlights the Fulani terrorists’ proclivity to maim women by cutting off their arms and fingers but leaving them alive to further terrorize communities.

Over 300 Million Christians Experience Persecution

According to Aid to the Church in Need and its biannual report on Religious Freedom in the World, over 300 million Christians experience persecution. According to Open Doors USA World Watch List, 245 million Christians are victims of high to extreme levels of persecution (i.e., torture, rape, sex-slavery, expulsion, murder and genocide), an increase of 14 percent over 2018. Open Doors also estimates 1 in 9 of the world’s Christians experience persecution and that every month: 345 Christians are killed, often in public and without regard to gender or age; 219 Christians are abducted and imprisoned indefinitely without trial; and 106 churches are demolished. Women and children are most vulnerable and represent at least 60 percent of those persecuted.

Because most of these crimes are not covered in the media, Save the Persecuted Christians has developed a dedicated news aggregator—www.ChristianPersecutionNews.com—to capture current instances of persecution and to provide readers with an easy way to share these heartbreaking stories with others.

With so much of the world’s Christian population being attacked, imprisoned and/or exiled for their beliefs, including ministry workers in Cameroon, the need has never been greater for the sort of grassroots campaign STPC’s SaveUs Movement is working to foster. Its efforts are modeled after a miraculously successful one that helped free another population suffering from heavy persecution—Soviet Jews—by penalizing those in the Kremlin responsible for such repression. Through this movement, Save the Persecuted Christians endeavors to provide American policymakers with the popular support they need to effect real change worldwide and alleviate systemically the suffering being experienced by so many of those following Christ.

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Half Billion Dollar Verdict against Johnson & Johnson from the perspective of Chronic Pain Patient Barby Ingle

by Guest Author

It is extremely important to have opiates available for those in need and it’s not a simple matter of pharmaceutical companies being all bad and responsible for all bad things that happen to society. I am a chronic pain patient who has been mistreated, undertreated, overtreated and misdiagnosed by medical professionals and specialists through the years.

I watched the entire 7 weeks of trial and hoped that the judge would get this right. I do not believe that the judge got it right. This verdict against Johnson & Johnson because they have the funds to take from, but what about the providers, pharmacies, insurance company practices, FDA, DEA, and all of the people who are abusing the drugs and medications. This verdict shows that the pain patients in America are once again being forsaken for the lives of the addicts. Both need to be addressed addiction and chronic pain.

Do I think that this funding is going to make a difference? No, I don’t. We have already seen many patients commit suicide because they were cut off from medications that were helping them cope with life and manage their pain. To many insurances’ companies won’t cover the other treatments and for some patients who have tried those treatments and failed, opioid was the only thing that was keeping them going. Now we see a rise in the suicide rates, we see that addiction challenges are still high and the problem is coming from? Illegal Drugs.

This OK verdict distorts the public nuisance law beyond recognition and does take away options and choices from pain patients. This is the start, there are 2000+ suits coming up starting in October who will now use this new president of law as a way to weaponize against pharmaceuticals.

•  What about a person’s responsibilities?

               Researching the medications and asking questions to your provider and pharmacist, when it comes to deciding if this treatment option is viable for you.

• How is the manufacturer of the opioids guilty, but the doctor, the pharmacy and the patient who chose to abuse the drug are not accountable for their own actions?

               Is it because we can’t sue poor people for their actions?

               We are not helping them either. This funding will not change the stigma or culture of or addiction and is not holding the people who need the most accountability for their actions to any reasonable standard.

• Why force these pharmaceuticals into settlements? We need the industry to keep working on treatments.

               Less than 5% of the 7,000 rare diseases have any treatment options available. Are these lives less valuable than the addict’s life?

               Just heard on the news Purdue Pharma is considering a multi-billion-dollar settlement and chapter 11 and restructuring of their company. Why force an industry that saves millions of lives to do this?

• The CDC Quietly Admits It Screwed Up Counting Opioid Pills – The data used by the state of OK in the court was incorrect and not corrected by J&J or the State Attorneys. The judge made decisions based on false information.

• The CDC Advises Against Misapplication of the Guideline for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain. Again, this was not brought up in the trial.

• Insurance companies are already using tactics such as step therapy, prior authorization stall tactics, etc. This is being done in both addiction and chronic pain patient communities. Saving the insurance millions of dollars, yet they are not being held accountable for delaying and denying care.

I for one hope that Johnson & Johnson appeals for the sake of the pain patient community and for the sake of all who need pain medications be it for an acute situation such as large kidney stones passing, or shattered pelvis or a disease such as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, Arachnoiditis, Sickle Cell, or Lupus.

I don’t believe that the opioid pharmaceutical industry stared, fueled or conspired to create the largest public health crisis of our time. I don’t believe that this is an epidemic. It may be an endemic, addiction does affect millions but the help to those millions has not even been provided fully. Grants given by our government, including for President Trumps’ opioid initiatives for addiction haven’t even been fully set up, spent to be able to make a difference and that was done more than 2 years ago now.

As a chronic patient who works to help other chronic patients, I can say that it is up to the providers and pharmacists to tell us about the risks associated with opioids. They do in many cases. But again, where is the responsibility of the patient. We as chronic pain patients want to have all options on the table. We don’t want to blame one area of failure on the mistreatments of patients across our country by everyone involved. It is going to take a multi-modality approach that will have to start with human behavior and people being responsible for their own actions to make a difference in getting the care we all need for any health condition we are facing. We all need to stop forsaking one life for another.

ABOUT BARBY INGLE:

Barby Ingle is a best-selling author, reality personality, and lives with reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), migralepsy, endometriosis and other pain disorders. Barby is a chronic pain educator, patient advocate, and president of the International Pain Foundation.

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Recent Vaping Death makes FDA 3-year Plan for Youth Restrictions Feel like a Millennium How Much More Damage will be Done before the Fix Is In?

by Guest Author

By Joshua Mansour, M.D.

Despite the recent vaping death, the FDA is still allowing e-cigarette makers until 2022 to submit their plans for preventing underage access to their products.  But is that too late?  While e-cigarettes and vaping were initially intended to help adults quit smoking traditional cigarettes, they have managed to entice younger individuals to pick up this dangerous habit.  The colorful packaging, different flavors, and seemingly harmless.

These devices were and still are marketed as “being safer”, although they can lead to nicotine addiction, harmful side effects of frequent nicotine use, irritation to the lining of the lungs and now as shown by countless recent cases, hospitalization.  Additionally, a new wave of adverse effects has surfaced, many of which are affecting children.   The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is now investigating several cases of severe lung disease that is linked to vaping in over a dozen states recently.   There have now been over one hundred recent cases.

Why is this attracting the younger population?

One reason is that there remains a façade that this isn’t as dangerous as smoking traditional tobacco cigarettes.  Many of the possible side effects that we have seen with conventional cigarette smoking, which is now marketed and outwardly displayed to the public, is not done so with electronic cigarettes and devices.  This, of course, can be because not enough time has passed to show a correlation or causal relationship.  This doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist though.  It took decades before doctors believed that there was a case against cigarettes.  It is now known to be the deadliest artifact in the history of human civilization.

Unlike the foul taste and musty odor of its earlier counterpart, the new e-cigarettes have a multitude of flavors and colorful packaging available that attract many people.    Eddie Fatakhov, integrative medicine, and board-certified internal medicine physician suggest that “this could contribute to the fact that the CDC has seen a decrease in cigarette smoking among teens, but unfortunately a change to a surge in the use of vaping products”.  He states that cutting out these flavors would likely make the big difference in their current appeal to teens.

What are the different dangers associated with vaping?

Although part of it is yet to be understood in its entirety, which is scary, there are already several known.  A countless number of these products include a variety of chemicals that have not been tested.  Joseph Allen, an environmental scientist at Harvard University, co-authored a study published this year in which they tested over 35 cartridges and 35 different electronic-cigarette liquid products.  In many of these, they found microbes and microbial toxins (some of bacteria and fungus) that can have adverse respiratory effects.

Patients thus far have experienced shortness of breath, fatigue, weight loss, coughing and even severe lung disease leading to lung collapse. Both the long and short-term repercussions are not fully understood at this time as the FDA does not require the manufacturers to list all the ingredients in these devices.  Therefore, there may be unknown carcinogens that may increase a person’s overall risk to cancer compared to someone that does not smoke.

In addition to the several lung issues caused and being investigated by the CDC, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration is now investigating over a hundred reports of neurological conditions, including seizures, following e-cigarette usage.  Many of these devices contain extremely high concentrations of nicotine, which we know can have both and addictive and detrimental effect, even at low doses.  Several of the symptoms of nicotine include, but are not limited to tremors, increase in heart rate, profuse sweating, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and even seizures.   Furthermore, the euphoric effect of nicotine lasts for a short period of time, leading individuals to use it more frequently and later require more of it to receive this buzz.

There is already data on several of the harmful effects of these devices, with even more set to come.  FDA officials have urged others “who have experience unexpected or product issues to report them through the federal agency” as several health issues continue to surface.  As more information continues to pour in from hospitals, clinics, physicians, and patients it remains important to know the several health risks associated with vaping and to inform others.  Although there remains a lot to be discovered, one thing is for sure:  this must be addressed and fast.

 

About Joshua Mansour, MD…

 

Dr. Joshua Mansour is a board-certified hematologist/oncologist working and in the field of hematopoietic stem cell transplantation and cellular immunotherapy in Los Angeles, California. In June 2019 he was a recipient of the ‘40 Under 40 in Cancer’ award. Abstracts, manuscripts, and commentaries by Dr. Mansour have been published in U.S. News & World Report and more than 100 other esteemed journals and media outlets.

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How to Keep Your Car Clean with Kids: A Simple Guide

by LouAnn Moss

It may seem like an impossible task to keep your car clean when you have kids. From spilled juice boxes to more crumbs than you can count, children have a way of making a mess out of any space. There are some tips and tricks you can follow, though, to minimize that mess. Here’s how to keep your car clean with kids that will make every passenger (and you) a happy camper.

Clean up spills as soon as they happen

When it comes to spills, it’s less about if they’ll happen and more a matter of when. While it can be a pain to clean them up after a long day, it’s important to nip those messes in the bud. Clean them up as soon as you possibly can; that way, unsavory smells and stains won’t stick around for the long haul. This can be hard with kids, as they’re often ready to jump right out of the car and into the next fun activity, but make sure it’s a priority.

Regular vacuuming is a must

For any family on the go, you know eating and spending time in the car practically go hand in hand. Whether your little ones eat some French fries or have a full-out meal, a mess is likely to happen. Beyond crumbs just being an annoyance, they can even usher in some rather nasty critters. All those little bits of debris can quickly add up, so be sure to vacuum your car regularly before it becomes a full-blown problem.

Use a trash can

With the amount of wrappers, food scraps, and garbage that accumulates in a car, it only makes sense to put a trash can in your vehicle. If you don’t have one already, implement a trash can, garbage bag, or another kind of receptacle your kids can throw their trash in. It will help bring some order to your kid’s car routine, and it will make clean up much easier. This way, you don’t need to haul a garbage bag out to your car every week or two, and cleanup can happen easily every day.

Wipe down surfaces regularly

An essential trick on how to keep your car clean with kids is to give any and all surfaces a regular wipe down. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than sticky seats and smudgy windows, so give them a regular once over. Use wet cloths to clean and a microfiber towel to dry. It will make your driving experience much more pleasant.

Use car cleanup as a learning opportunity

If you want your child to develop better cleaning habits, the car is a great place to start. Rather than letting the mess happen and just cleaning it up yourself, take the extra time to teach your kids about proper cleanup. They won’t do it every time, but something as simple as reinforcing that they put trash in the bin will help teach them the importance of cleaning up after themselves. It’s also important to establish good cleaning habits young; that way, it’s much more likely to become a good habit they keep through adulthood.

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With Health Care Sharing Through Samaritan Ministries, ‘Now I Have Health Care,’ Member Says

by Guest Author

Christi from Texas simply could not afford a $450 per month insurance premium that was coupled with a $7,000 deductible.

“Even though I had health insurance through Obamacare, I was unable to receive health care!” she said. “Between the monthly premiums and the deductible, I was out-of-pocket $10,000 per year before they would pay a dime. If I was ill or needed help, I still could not get care from a doctor because I could not afford $450 a month plus a $7,000 deductible.

Today, as a member of Samaritan Ministries International, one of the leading health care sharing ministries in America, Christi saves thousands of dollars every year.

“Samaritan Ministries is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time,” Christi says. “Now I have health care!

“What is even better is that I LOVE writing a check each month to a brother or sister in need. That is much better and more fulfilling personally. It feels like a large Christian family watching out for each other, not a large corporation sucking out all my money with nothing in return. Praise God for the Samaritan family!” she added.

Christi is just one of well over a quarter of a million individual members (82,000-plus member households) of Samaritan Ministries who have experienced dramatic cost savings while also lifting up fellow members through cards of encouragement, personal notes and prayer.

David and Melanie of North Carolina also saw dramatic cost savings when thousands of dollars in medical needs were shared among Samaritan members.

“Our family has saved thousands of dollars on prescriptions and procedures in the past year alone,” they said. “It has been so helpful being able to look up fair market prices. We only wish everyone could be made aware of these things rather than ‘blindly consuming’ medical care. This was our first year to submit needs. What a humble blessing it has been to be on the receiving end.”

Dorothy in Texas hasn’t even submitted any needs to her fellow members but has already seen a significant cost savings in her first year with the ministry.

“Although I didn’t have any needs—thank You, Jesus—it was a pure privilege and blessing to send my monthly share directly to a sister or brother in Christ in need,” Dorothy said. “And it saved me $600 A MONTH that I was paying an insurance company. I feel confident that when and if I do have a need, it will be met.”

Meredith from Tennessee talks to her friends about the benefits of health care sharing.

“I often tell friends who are hesitant to consider a Christian health sharing ministry that Samaritan Ministries has been the ONLY organization to operate exactly as they advertise/promise on the front end,” Meredith said. “We have felt loved by the Body of Christ and cared for both financially and spiritually as we’ve navigated unexpected family health bills this year. I am so thankful to God for Samaritan and pray He continues to bless this godly endeavor.”

Jonathan and Micaela, Samaritan Ministries members from Kansas, said their family has been blessed by health care sharing.

“We signed up with Samaritan as soon as we got married and less than a year later we had a baby!” they said. “We had a few complications during pregnancy and post-partum that ended us in the ER twice, but, thanks to Samaritan, all our needs were shared and the last thing on our list to worry about was finances. Samaritan has felt like family to us and we are so grateful.”

Jay from Minnesota said the process of people helping people “absolutely blessed me and my family.”

“I was able to get the care and the procedures to correct my medical need without the burden of financial strains,” Jay said. “This would not have been possible without the help of Samaritan Ministries and its members. God has been truly amazing in my healing and in meeting all my needs for this injury. I am extremely grateful for Samaritan Ministries and highly recommend them. Thank you so much to all the members who gave and lifted me up during this need in my life.”

Each month, Samaritan members send their financial shares directly to other members, along with notes and cards of encouragement, through this effective, God-honoring ministry. Samaritan’s growing Biblical community shares approximately $29 million in medical needs person-to-person each month. In fact, Samaritan members have shared $1.8 billion in needs since 1994.

(Learn more about Samaritan Ministries International here .)

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How We Raise Liars and What to Do About It

by Kat Shalhoub, PHD

No parent wants to consciously and purposefully raise a child who lies, but the truth is our kids lie. They lie often and they lie well. Dr Victoria Talwar, a leading expert on children’s lying behavior, has proven that as parents we only do slightly better than chance (60%) at telling whether our children are actually lying to us. Where do these lies come from, and what are we, as parents and adults around them, doing to promote this behavior?

WHY KIDS LIE

First of all, let me reassure you. All kids lie, even yours, no matter what you might think. In fact, by their 4th birthday, 9 out 10 children will be experimenting with lying. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a developmental milestone to lie. Think about it, a kid has to know the truth, be able to invent a lie that is an alternative to the truth and then deliver it convincingly to the right audience. It’s an impressive accomplishment.

Kids start lying for two reasons: they want to avoid punishment or they want to make you happy. As they get older, lying becomes a way to vent frustration, gain status at school or cope with life’s stressors.

Some kids grow to be lifelong liars while others eventually stop. How do they develop into liars and why? The short answer is, we train them into it.

HOW LYING IS MODELED

Sometime back I was sitting at the American embassy waiting to get a new passport for my son. The family behind me had a boy who looked to be 7 or 8. Old enough anyway to have some logic. I guess they’d been there a while because the child was getting restless and telling his parents he wanted to leave. As a response to the constant nagging his father told him ‘look, look our number is coming up!’ The kid could obviously read the numbers and as he pointed to the screen, he told his father no, there are still 4 people before us! The father, denying completely the fact that numbers are called in order and the fact that his son could actually figure out the calling system, insisted that their number was going to be called next.

More recently, I took my daughter to the pediatrician’s office to have her shots. She’s only 4 and was terrified. As the elderly man came closer with the needle, she cringed and started to cry. To reassure her, he blatantly lied: “ Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing. It’s not going to hurt at all.” He pinched her arm and inserted the needle. Her eyes widened with surprise as a scream tore from her throat.

What these kids are learning, is that adults lie to them, and that if those adults are in positions of authority, like parents and doctors, then lying is clearly acceptable.

MIXED MESSAGES MAKE LITTLE LIARS

Parents are masters of the mixed messages to kids. We tell them not to lie, then we angrily whisper at them to be polite about a present they hate; we claim they’re six when in actual fact, they haven’t celebrated their 6th birthday yet (unless we’re trying to get them in to an event for free in which case they’re under 6 long after their 6th birthday!); we encourage them not to tell on friends or siblings when someone does something wrong, teaching them that withholding the truth is in actual fact honorable.

We obviously have the best intentions. We are being empathetic, approximating, and using teachable moment to develop their integrity. They don’t see out intentions. To them, we are just blatantly lying. We don’t realize is that it takes the same emotional acuity to tell white lies as it does for the bigger lies and by modeling it for them, we are training our kids to be really good liars.

To make matters worse, when our kids are obviously lying to us or use flimsy cover ups, we find it funny or cute and we let these little lies slide (honestly, it’s exhausting to stay on top of house, kids, life and then to nit pick and how we react to a lying four-year-old).

“Did you spill chocolate milk everywhere?” You ask the child with chocolate milk dripping from her chin and covering her dress.

“No!” she says. “It fell by itself”.

“Ah! It must be the chocolate milk monster then” you reply. Which makes you much cooler than launching into a lecture. But our kids don’t recognize the coolness. They just get the message that some lies are ok.

The fact is, kids actually lie more as they get older, not less. We punish bad behavior and we let the little lies slide, so they practice telling us what we want to hear and they get better at it.

HOW NOT TO RAISE LIFELONG LIARS

According to Dr. Bella De Paulo who studied adult deception, as parents, the way we react to our children’s lies can affect lifelong lying. So if you don’t want to raise liars, here’s a quick list of what to do and what not to do!

Don’t enforce sweeping punishments for your child’s behavior. If they tell the truth, reward that over all else.
Reinforce the importance of truth-telling over making you happy. They may not tell you what you want to hear, so fix your face and make sure your reaction doesn’t tell them you’re angry. Help them not repeat their mistakes instead of showing them when to lie.
Applaud them when they do tell the truth and let them know you’re proud of them for that.
Never turn a blind eye on the small lies they make up. Don’t laugh and dismiss them. Make sure you address the tiniest lie by letting them know lies are not acceptable.
Try not to lie in front of your kids. Remember, kids do what you do, not what you say.
Don’t try to entrap them or test their honesty. That will just degrade your relationship.
Attenuate your tone of voice so it doesn’t carry a threat of consequences. For example, instead of, “Who on earth got red marker all over this wall?!?” try “Hey honey, this looks like your red marker on the wall. Shall we clean it up because you know we don’t write on walls.”



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The article How We Raise Liars and What to Do About It by Kat Shalhoub, PHD appeared first on Healthy Moms Magazine.

Got Back to School Stress? Try this Miracle-Minded Practice

by John J. Murphy

You turn on the daily news and hear about a violent school shooting. You ask your son how he is doing, and he says very little, quickly returning to another mindless distraction on his phone. You’re having coffee or tea with other parents and you can’t help but discuss the latest afflictions among students and young adults. You hear words like Millennials and Generation X’s and Y’s to put people into categories and rationalize behaviors. You attend a parent-teacher conference and hear about the changing patterns in the hallways and classrooms. Kids are no longer talking to each other and interacting face-to-face. They are texting each other, wandering around the halls wearing headphones that block out everything but the sound of angry music. How does this make you feel? Do you get stressed when you think these thoughts? And what about the drugs? What are we supposed to do about the drugs? What is a loving, caring parent to do about the increasing risks and uncertainties in our schools and communities? We need more protection and security, right? We need more governance and control.

My insights on these challenges may surprise you. Most “outside the box” perspectives do. That’s because they come from outside a paradigm you don’t even know you’re in. In this case, it is the ego box – a fear-based, dualistic thought system that dictates right and wrong, us and them, good and bad, and countless other dichotomies. Don’t sweat it. Every human being on this planet can relate to it. That’s why we call it human nature. We see ourselves as separate people all trying to protect ourselves. We compete and compare. We divide and conquer. We attack and defend. We win and we lose. That’s how the ego is designed to work. And we know we are attached to this thought-system, this paradigm or box, whenever we feel anxious and afraid, guilty or sad, angry or prideful. It’s just the ego doing its job. It is the ego driving our back-to-school anxiety and stress. It is the ego feeding on the daily news of one catastrophe after another. It is the ego thriving on gossip, drama, criticism and condemnation. It is the ego demanding security in a zero-sum game.

Here is the good news. We have an alternative thought-system available to us and an entirely different way to live our lives. We can transcend fear and doubt, anger and hostility, worry and stress – by transcending the thought-system that drives it. Think of this like upgrading the operating system on your computer and eliminating all the viruses that were sabotaging the old one. We can let go to let flow.

But take note. We cannot solve problems sustainably from inside the box that causes them. Managing stress from inside the operating system that causes the stress might suppress it temporarily, but it will not delete it. You can hit the gym or the yoga mat or the pub all you want but the symptoms will return. The key is to get to the root cause. This is what I believe Albert Einstein meant when he said, “The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” We need to think at a radically different level. We need to transition from fear to faith, from ego to Spirit, and from grief to grace and gratitude. We cannot experience fear and true faith at the same time. It is one or the other. Period. Herein lies the peace of God. It is only when we are in-Spirit, truly inspired, that we feel fearless and free.

So, let’s try a new paradigm – an “outside the box” perspective that eliminates anxiety, fear and doubt by dismissing the root cause. Consider for a moment that you are more than a human being having temporary spiritual experiences (maybe). Consider you are a spiritual being having a temporary human experience. You existed long before you were born into your body. And you will exist long after you leave your body. Life is eternal and cyclical, not linear and finite. And consider that while you are living in your body you can dial into different energetic frequencies, just like you can a radio dial. You can tune into negative gossip, addictive drama, and fear-based thinking, or you can rise above this with faith, unconditional love, appreciation, joy, and forgiveness, despite what is going on around you. You can be the one who lights up the room, who brings inspiration and hope to the naysayers of the world. Or you can join in the doom and gloom that appeals to the ego. This choice is yours to make. This is what being in-Spirit is all about. It is about tuning into an entirely different thought-system and vibration. It is about reconnecting with who and what you truly are – your Higher Self.

Now consider that we attract energetic frequencies that match the signal we are sending. So, for example, misery loves company. Pay attention to this the next time you witness a group of people complaining about whatever. There is always something to complain about if we look for it. We find what we seek. We reap what we sow. What goes around comes around. Pay attention to this. It has been happening since the beginning of humankind. Peace is not something that happens “out there” occasionally. It is a state of mind – your state of mind, ever-present and always available. Change your mind and you will change your world. Tune into peace, and peace will be given you.

Here are four steps to help you with this practice. And keep in mind, these steps are not linear with a beginning and an end. They are cyclical, one feeding off another. They are a practice, not a performance.

Step One: Let Be. Be present. Be mindful. Fear, anxiety and stress happen when we are not present. They are projections of the mind, based on negative assumptions. What will go wrong next? To live in peace, we must be present.

Step Two: Let Go. Let go of fear and doubt by letting go of the ego thought system that projects it. Let go of grief and grievances. Let go of emotional baggage weighing you down. Let go of flawed assumptions. Let go of negativity. Let go of criticism, judgement and condemnation. Let go of resistance, skepticism and defensiveness. To live in peace, you must empty yourself of fear-based thinking. To thrive, you need to take your foot off the brakes.

Step Three: Let See. Look at the bright side. It may be hidden, but it is always there. Yin and Yang are a perfect match, always in harmony and balance. When you let go of the negative thoughts, assumptions and beliefs holding you back, you will see the world anew. You will see with forgiveness, compassion and faith. You will see the perfection that surrounds you.

Step Four: Let Flow. This is what some athletes call the zone. It is a state of mind that seems timeless and highly productive. It is what many writers experience when they are most creative. It is what dancers experience when they let go to the music. It is what you can experience as a parent when you choose faith over fear.

Take a moment now to stop and examine your signal, your heart coherence. What energetic vibration are sending out?  And pay attention to the honest answer – to how you are feeling right now. Your feelings and emotion mirror the signal you are sending. Use this as your guidance system to determine if you are in flow. We do indeed reap what we sow.

 

 

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The article Got Back to School Stress? Try this Miracle-Minded Practice by John J. Murphy appeared first on Healthy Moms Magazine.

Mindfulness for Back-to-School Anxiety

by Julie Potiker

From summertime FOMO (fear of missing out) as they saw social media posts with friends that didn’t include them, to being forced to deal with online drama or bullying in real life, kids can have serious worry and anxiety about returning to the classroom and their group of peers. Add in factors like starting at a new school or other academic challenges and many children can feel just plain overwhelmed. Fortunately, there is an easy and effective tool that they can use to calm or even eliminate some of those worries: mindfulness.

Here are some wonderful ways you can share mindfulness with your child as he or she transitions back to the classroom, including spending mindful time together.

Ease Back-to-School Anxiety with Mindful Tools and Activities

1.Visit the school: Familiarity goes a long way to help calm the jitters. Walk the halls and check out the classroom. Do a practice run of the first day of school, then enjoy a special treat together afterwards.

2.Talk about feelings: Try the R.A.I.N. acronym to invite your child to mindfully explore their feelings. Labeling the emotion engages the thinking brain and calms their system down.

R = Recognize your feeling and name it (i.e., “I’m feeling frustrated. I feel upset. I feel scared. I feel angry.”).

A = Allow your feeling to be there without judging it.

I = Investigate gently with curiosity why this feeling is there.

N = Nourish yourself. What do you need give yourself or hear or do right now to make yourself feel better?

BONUS: Change the channel by popping in a positive mental state from a memory. Really feel that goodness for a breath or two to transform it from a mental state to a neural trait. Rewire your brain for more happiness and resilience.

3. Practice deep breathing: Deep breathing calms the nervous system. Guide your child in several deep breaths; try counting to four on the in breath and exhaling for six. Encourage your child to practice at night, in the morning, in the classroom, before a test, etc.

4. Access mindfulness with a physical object: Focusing on an object helps to shift the mind from worrying thoughts. You and your child can go exploring and choose a stone together for this purpose. It doesn’t have to be fancy; it just needs to feel nice in their palm and fit in their pocket. Anytime they feel anxious or stressed, they can reach for it, feel its texture, and focus on that physical object instead of their worries.

5. Focus on gratitude: This will help all year. You can’t be grateful and worried at the same time. Little kids can decorate a gratitude jar; older kids can keep a gratitude journal. Write in the journal or put a note in the gratitude jar at least once a day.

6. Learn to meditate: Try family meditation time! You can manage your own anxiety while also sharing a healthy stress-management tool with your child. Try a free mediation app like Insight Timer (my favorite!).

7. Create a nighttime school readiness routine: Encourage your child to have everything he or she needs for school ready the night before – from the backpack and jacket to shoes and socks. This helps the whole family avoid last-minute drama in the mornings.

Mindfulness helps students (and parents!) pause and take a step back from overwhelming feelings. It gives provides a calming strategy for challenging moments, and a plan to help avoid some of them in the first place! Have a great school year.

 

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