Christopher D. Connors's Blog, page 51

Thanks so much, Jeremiah!

Thanks so much, Jeremiah! Always means a lot to see this. I really appreciate your kind words and I’m grateful for your support!

7 Principles to Develop Toughness and Build the Life You Want to Live

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident, and more and more successful.” — Mark Victor Hansen

At our core, all of us are looking to develop and grow in the four components of wellness: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. Each component impacts the other, which means they have an interdependent relationship. Each day, as we make strides and build upon our core, we get stronger, more confident and smarter. We get TOUGHER.

There are a lot of different definitions out there about what “tough” means. Far too often, it is given a negative connotation.Toughness is defined as, “strong and durable; not easily broken or cut; capable of great endurance; sturdy.” Think about that — capable of great endurance. Strong and durable. Aren’t those qualities you’re looking for as you develop into the woman or man you desire to be?

Mentally, we hope to become resolute, committed and confident in our approach to everyday living. Emotionally, while it’s always good to be vulnerable and kind, it’s equally as important to be courageous, faithful and hopeful in the face of fear. Spiritually, getting in touch with what makes us who we are isn’t easy. It takes time. It takes perseverance and endurance through challenging personal battles.

And physically, it’s important to develop our muscles and take good care of the vessel that enables us to navigate this journey called life. People who take excellent care of themselves are tough — they’re able to withstand life’s nicks, scrapes, bumps and bruises. They power through adversity and failures and on to victories.

I’ve spent a lot of time coaching and working with high-achievers and top-performing teams. I’ve led them in an effort to help develop the soft skills, emotional intelligence, identify strengths and weaknesses and enable them to breakthrough and build upon both successes and failures. I’ve found that tough people aren’t born that way — they start out as a proverbial slab of marble and are sculpted into a refined, powerful work of art.

“Life isn’t easy, but you never quit. Never. I may not have been the best, but I can always give my best. That’s how you demonstrate toughness.” — Jay Bilas

A fantastic book was written on the topic by Jay Bilas, a former college and pro basketball player and current analyst. The eponymous title, Toughness, explores the ways in which we can all grow, develop and become tougher to succeed. I decided to extract the most value I could from his book and my experience in coaching high-performers, and synthesized it here for you to understand.

I think you’ll find these 7 principles will change your life and are applicable to every one of us. I paraphrased some of Bilas’ points and illustrate how we can develop toughness and live life on our terms.

1. Work so Hard that You Have to Rest

The world’s most successful people preach about the value of meditation and getting a proper night’s sleep. We all have to rest. Our rest and daily reset should come after we’ve challenged ourselves and given every ounce of ourselves to working for our daily goals. Give your absolute best to every task in front of you. And give your best to your parents, husbands, wives and children, too.

Maximize your output in all of your opportunities and relationships.

2. Finish What You’ve Started

One of the most common threads in why some people don’t feel fulfilled in their personal and professional lives is very simple: they get started on something and fail to finish. Think about it — what’s the point in that? The defining characteristic of every high achiever is that they finish what they’ve started. They either accomplish a task, reach a goal, or abandon course for a wiser, better alternative.

3. Focus with Determination on the Task at Hand

Multi-tasking, while very appealing, DOESN’T WORK. Don’t believe me? Take this from the Cleveland Clinic:

The neuroscience is clear: We are wired to be mono-taskers. One study found that just 2.5 percent of people are able to multitask effectively. And when the rest of us attempt to do two complex activities simultaneously, it is simply an illusion.

You’re growing and getting tougher when you focus with every ounce of concentration on what you’re doing in that moment.

4. Encourage Yourself and Encourage Others Who Work With You

This is straight out of the Dale Carnegie (of How to Win Friends and Influence People fame) playbook: Encourage the people around you, celebrate their wins and congratulate them on their success. But guess what? Do the same thing for yourself! Positive thought encouragement enables us to power through adversity and challenging tasks, leading us to triumph and victory. When you are genuinely self-motivated and encouraging to others, you are a person that will keep moving forward. And everyone wants to be around that person.

“Failing doesn’t make you a failure. Failing makes you a competitor. Every competitor fails. If you lay it on the line, you will come up short at times. Failure is a part of competing, and embracing that fact is an important component of toughness. Tough people fail, but tough people are not failures. The only failures are those who give up, or give in.” — Jay Bilas

5. Be Alert to Change in Your Life — and Change all Around You

As John F. Kennedy once said, “Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” Change is unavoidable. It’s always coming for us, seeking us out whether we run, hide or embrace it. So be alert. Be alert to new opportunities. Be alert to ways you can build upon your successes, and likewise how to learn from your defeats.

6. Take Responsibility — Own Your Words and Actions

You want a surefire way to fail? Blame other people for your words and actions. Make excuses and refuse to take ownership. Deny responsibility and pass the buck to someone else. Those are the marks of a person that no one wants to work with. And if you’re seeking self-employment or entrepreneurship, you would be wise to correct this before you begin any prospective venture.

It starts with you. You will make tremendous strides in life, endure when others falter and continue growing when you accept responsibility in good times and bad. Forge ahead with a winner’s mindset. Winners are tough and always accountable for what they say and do.

7. Have One Fixed Objective— Get Better Every Day

If you’re struggling to determine what your passion, purpose, mission, definition of success or goals are, please let me remind you to start with this very simple objective: Get better every day. You have the time. Read one chapter in a book to learn a new skill. Jump rope for 10 minutes to increase your cardiovascular fitness. Spend 10 minutes in mindfulness meditation that allows you to think clearly about what’s most important in your life.

Write a small journal entry about your feelings, what moves you and what inspires you. All of these things take a little amount of time. All of them can be accomplished with minimal investment. And all of them will begin forming the compounding effect of helping you to improve and get better each day. Toughness is a prized quality among the most happy and successful people. Go on, you’re a lot tougher than you think.

You Can Do This

Join my newsletter and let me know if you’d like to work together as you build each day toward living the life you truly want. Let’s GO!

Also check out my new book The Value of You .

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7 Principles to Develop Toughness and Build the Life You Want to Live was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Ilyse Johnson Thank you so much, Ilyse.

Ilyse Johnson Thank you so much, Ilyse. That means a lot. A truly special time in our lives and a seminal experience!

Hi Rachel- noted and thank you! Not intentional.

Hi Rachel- noted and thank you! Not intentional.

These 5 Things Will Give You the Confidence to Accomplish Anything

Confidence is attained when we’re prepared and self-aware enough to appreciate who we are, faults and all. Confidence is desired in all kinds of relationships, and it’s the ingredient that colors our view of ourselves, as well as how we are perceived by society. So, it is confidence that is worth cultivating and being, in order to live in each moment of the day.

What are the values that matter most to you? I think about this consciously and I recognize that subconsciously, my values structure is the core of my decision-making. As we continue moving forward in life, we should become more shrewd and selective with how we use our time. When we do, we become more confident in who we are and have a much greater idea of what we want.

The centerpiece of most values-based structures is confidence. A major component of confidence is the value you place on yourself. Confidence is about the faith you have in your abilities, the person you are, and how you view your most important relationship — the one with yourself.

Confidence gives us the strength to pursue our romantic partner, it psyches us up to get the job or opportunity we’ve prepared and dreamed about. Confidence tells the story of who we truly are in the most authentic way possible. It is our representation of the way we want to be seen and how we want to see ourselves.

I’ve been tremendously blessed to have parents as role models who instilled confidence in me from a very early age and always told me, “The sky is the limit.” I’ve always believed that I’m destined for great things, not out of conceit, but because I believe in myself and I have the confidence to pursue building the relationships, and accomplishing the goals I desire.

I wanted to share five things that I truly believe will give you the confidence to accomplish anything you desire. Here they are:

1. Don’t pick apart every mistake or foolish thing you’ve done. Laugh at them and realize life isn’t always a “repair job” of everything you did wrong

On your path to becoming more confident, self-assured and successful, please make one promise to yourself: Stop beating yourself up over past mistakes and failures. Per Eric Barker, there’s tremendous value in being kind to yourself in an effort to build your confidence:

“In fact, one study, “Self-Compassion and Reactions to Unpleasant Self-Relevant Events: The Implications of Treating Oneself Kindly,” showed that people high in the trait had increased clarity. They saw themselves and the world more accurately but didn’t judge themselves as harshly when they failed.” Source: Eric Barker

I am the person I am because of the experiences I lived through. I don’t live with regret. I’ve learned from mistakes and failures but I’m completely at peace with all that has come and gone in my life. To the times I had fun, to the times that I suffered, it’s all good.

What about you? How do you make sense of your mistakes? How do you move on from defeat and forward to victory?

Learning about our pasts, making sense of our experiences, both good and bad, offers us a treasure trove of knowledge, wisdom and insight that will carry us throughout our lifetimes. Keep maturing, keep growing and don’t forget to laugh sometimes. Life is funnier that way.

2. You haven’t (yet) become what you thought you would. That’s OK. Accept it and make a difference.

Start with these three principles which will help you redefine your perception of yourself:

Be happy with what you’re working on and doing. How you look is so little of what should have to do with your confidenceFocus on the positive feedback you get and don’t harp on the negativeIt’s not about how anyone else sees you — it’s about how you see yourself

Realize that successes and failures will come and go all throughout your life. It’s what you take from BOTH experiences that truly makes a difference. A Stanford University professor did the following study that showed:

After people succeed at something, it is especially important to have them focus on what things went wrong. They learn more than if they just focus on success (so, don’t just gloat and congratulate yourself about what you did right; focus on what could go even better next time).

When failure happens, the most important thing is to have an after event review to provoke sufficiently deep thinking — whether you talk about successes or failures is less important.

3. Surround yourself with one inspirational story every day

If you want to build confidence, you have to find inspiration and motivation every day. I hope you’re able to find it in an article like this and other great articles here on Personal Growth. We all need something to lift our spirits that will positively influence our thoughts and lead us to greater confidence and belief.

For example, let the people close to you know that you love them — this reciprocal relationship of love and confidence engenders belief in self and one another. It inspires us to do great things for others.

There’s a reason why some of the world’s most successful people begin their days with an inspirational story. It fires up their imagination and emboldens them to continue forward with ambitious plans for success. When you’re more inspired, you’re more confident. You believe anything is possible.

4. Keep a Mental Journal

Sure, written journals are important. But what about the dialogue we play back to ourselves from our own inner voice? The power of speaking positively to ourselves — and finding the positive in our experiences will elevate us to a higher, more encouraging mental plain. So what do I mean by keeping a mental journal?

When you make out your daily and weekly schedule, have a reminder for yourself literally every hour. Remind yourself to speak positively over your life. To take a break from whatever you’re doing and tell yourself that you’re giving your best, focusing on the moment and future with optimism, faith and confidence. We become what we say and do, but one of the hidden factors of success is our ability to manifest positive thought encouragement to ourselves through the power of autosuggestion.

5. Plan to Celebrate. Celebrate Your Wins

Create a moment. Cultivate the circumstances that surround the end of your journey, which is when you get to enjoy the victory. Whatever you’re working for, focus on the journey. But have the victory parade in sight. We all need something to look forward to and while we shouldn’t dwell too long in the past, it’s imperative that we celebrate our accomplishments.

This provides a sense of closure and helps lead to a breakthrough on our next step to becoming an even more confident person.

Bill Carmody, a successful CEO says the following:

“When you celebrate, endorphins are released inside your body and you feel incredible. When you accomplish something and don’t take the time to celebrate, you are robbing yourself of an important feeling that reinforces your success. Celebrating your wins not only feels great physically, but it reinforces the behavior you want to show up when you face a new challenge or opportunity.”

Keep going on your journey and take chances to keep building up your confidence. You’ll find this powerful spirit re-energize and supercharge your human engine, leading you to awesome new opportunities.

You Can Do This

I’m helping thousands of people each day build their life on values and put together their personal game plan. Join me! Check out The Value of You, my Amazon bestseller. The e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

Additional Reading

How to Overcome Procrastination and Develop a Productive Daily Routine

1 Hour Per Day Doing this Mental Exercise Will Exponentially Increase Your Success

30 Excuses Stopping You From Living Your Best Life (And 30 Solutions)

These 5 Things Will Give You the Confidence to Accomplish Anything was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Story of Bold, Courageous Woman — the Miracle of Life

Two months ago, for the second time, I saw one of the most amazing sights of my entire life. Just like the first, the moment gripped me and moved me with the power of love and incredible magnitude of faith realized. If you’ve ever been so lucky to see a young child, you know in that moment that life is truly beautiful. That your life is forever changed.

You also know that it is a woman who makes this powerful moment possible. And without her strength, courage, fortitude and love, we wouldn’t even be here. It’s those heroic qualities that are often overlooked and underappreciated. It isn’t until you realize, a woman could die during her pregnancy or delivering a child. Welcoming human life is the ultimate gift of love.

As a privileged witness to the birth of two children, I can tell you that watching a new life enter the world is the most remarkable miracle of human life. Surely, the focus is on the new life in that moment, and the days to come. It’s fascinating, mesmerizing and a beautiful sight to behold. And yet what is equally as special, is recognizing how bold and strong women are. Women truly are the stronger sex.

It’s not even close.

I thought during women’s history month as we look at some of the incredible pioneers of history like Harriet Tubman, Susan B. Anthony, Doris Day, Rosa Parks, Mother Teresa, as well as tremendous success stories like Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Sandberg and J.K. Rowling, that it was worth paying homage to the ladies who make our human existence a reality.

Without my wife, mother, grandmother and countless professional mentors and friends, I’d be nothing today. I’ve learned what it means to treat people with kindness, compassion and empathy from my mother and her mother. My wife has taught me the true meaning of love, courage and honesty.

I wanted to share a deeply personal story to show the sacrifice that women make every day. Prior to the birth of my first son, my wife and I had tried several times to have a child. Fortunately, it worked out two different times that my wife was able to conceive and begin carrying. Unfortunately, both times, those future human lives ended in tragedy with miscarriage.

These were two of the most devastating moments of my life, and yet I could only imagine how sad and defeated my wife felt. She wondered if something was wrong with her. She initially doubted if it was ever to be — would we have children? Or would we run into the same, terrible fate again? We had a choice in that moment — believe and try again, or give up.

Of course, she never gives up. So there was really, only one option.

It took tremendous courage to try again for another child. Most people don’t realize how difficult and transformative the effect of conceiving and carrying a child is on a woman’s body. Even after only 10 weeks, a woman’s body has changed dramatically. Hormones are running wild. This is a truly magnificent and dynamic undertaking.

It’s something that most people don’t speak about. The grieving, suffering and need to build yourself back up emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. For something so amazing to be taken from you, and to have to reconstruct your dreams, ambitions and hopes, is as challenging a hurdle to overcome as any in life.

Far too often, women privately have to tackle this experience. Privately, women dig deep into their faith and inner-strength to persevere and come out better, stronger and more beautiful than ever before.

Her next pregnancy led to the birth of my first child. I learned in those nine months more about courage, devotion, commitment and strength than I had in all my previous years. We had our baby boy. And we had a treasure trove of life lessons in how incredible a woman’s sacrifice is.

While I was always taught to respect, admire and treat women with kindness and love, the experience changed the way I saw all women. For someone to even consider giving birth to a child is a huge thought to imagine. To go through with it is the willingness to consent to something truly bigger than you — bigger than your own life.

As we all lean in this month and learn about curious, bold, loving, courageous and fearless women that have changed the world, I invite you to also look all around you at the women in your life. Please, tell your mother, grandmother, sister or friends, Thank you. Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for being strong. And thank you for taking on the boldest of all challenges.

Say Thank You To the Women in Your Life.

I’m helping thousands of people each day build their life on values and put together their personal game plan. Join me! Check out The Value of You, my Amazon bestseller. The e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

Additional Writing

5 Simple Ways to Make Your Personal Relationships Work

The 5 Keys to Commitment in Relationships

The Story of Bold, Courageous Woman — the Miracle of Life was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How to Build the Mindset of a Winner — The Blueprint for “Next-Phase” Thinking

“Growth hacking is a mindset, and those who have it will reap incredible gains.” — Ryan Holiday

Believing that the next step, next opportunity, next relationship and next commitment is going to work out in your favor is the most important mindset to adopt in life. When you really think about, it all begins with faith. Your belief in yourself, belief and trust in others, and perhaps belief in a higher power help to form the backbone of your thought-life and decision making.

It’s here, on this foundation of faith that we learn and begin to build confidence, hope, perseverance and our ability to love others — but most importantly, ourselves. By building our lives on values and time-tested principles, we equip ourselves with the ability to continue forging ahead with confidence and steeling our resolve in the face of adversity, difficulty and failures.

All throughout our lives, we’ll find challenges that come before us that dare us to believe, behave with confidence and to give things a shot. It’s the “next-phase” thinkers among us that excel and get what they want because they are resolute, determined and committed to achieving their goals. The winner’s mindset can be best summed up this way:

Pursuing purpose and persevering when you believe passionately and intelligently in your cause.

I’ve created a series of principles that I believe will transform your life as you build your mindset and look to become the best you can in business, school, your relationships and all creative endeavors.

5 Principles of Building Your Mindset:1. Recovery, Recharge and Reload

After any loss, mistake, failure, and even wins, we all need time to recover. To tweak, make adjustments and learn from what we just did. This is time to decompress, to think creatively and to analyze and make sense of our output. It’s not time to beat ourselves up or criticize ourselves harshly. We all need to recharge our batteries and reload with a wiser, bolder willingness to advance forward onto the next dream, goal, task or opportunity.

2. Adversity is Your FRIEND — Not Your Enemy

You’ll learn herein through the story of Richard Branson that adversity and losing can be our best friend. Adversity is NOT your enemy! Adversity is the gauntlet that life throws at us, challenging us to rise to the occasion and overcome any obstacles that seem to be preventing us from moving forward. Look back at your life and ask yourself, “How did I respond in the face of difficulty, adversity or loss?”

You’ll learn a lot about yourself and you’ll make your greatest strides once you begin to use adversity to your advantage.

3. Empowerment Visualization — See the Victory

As I wrote about previously, visualization is the prized mental process that winners follow. See the victory. Visualize what you’re doing and color those thoughts with positive emotions. See yourself standing in the winner’s circle, paint that mental picture like you’re Picasso. Get descriptive, get specific and buttress this creative imagination by writing it down and turning this into something that is actionable.

4. Build Mutually Beneficial Alliances of Empathy

Simply put — surround yourself with other winners who are there to encourage, support and build you up — not tear you down. Empathy is intrinsically self-giving and generous in nature. It’s not selfish. It’s not self-seeking and motivated by “What’s in it for me?” thinking. Winners learn that leading and service others with an empathetic, service-minded approach returns such higher returns and dividends than seeking only our own benefits.

5. The Equanimity of Present and Future Confidence

One of my favorite quotes is:

“Keep Your Eyes on the Stars and Feet on the Ground” — Theodore Roosevelt

This is my interpretation and translation of this quote: Always, always, always look confidently to the future, while equally maintaining a focused, self-assured vision for right now. There has to be a balance. If you always look to the past or hunker-down exclusively on the present, you’re bound to miss the future. Your destiny and future self need you to think deep thoughts and build plans with achievable goals that demand you to passionately give your all.

Always Move Forward

I turn back to a quote I recently used in a recent story from Elon Musk, which is a beacon of positivity : “If something’s important enough you should try. Even if you think the probable outcome is failure.” — Elon Musk

THIS IS THE MINDSET OF A WINNER!

You must be willing to give things a shot, even when you think that in probability it won’t work out. Probability means that the supposed odds are not in your favor. But make no mistake — probable does not equal possible. The world is gifted with many contributions from great women and men that endeavored to do something special that was highly improbable at the time.

Every great innovation came against incredibly long odds for success. So many outstanding accomplishments in our lives come when we stay positive, work passionately and fervently in a cause or for a goal that may seem impossible. It likely won’t happen overnight, yet over time we’ll realize the success of a venture that seemed like a total pipe dream years before.

Richard Branson’s many successes have also come with some spectacular failures. But let me ask you this — what do you most remember him for? Is it Virgin Cola or (gasp!) Virgin Brides? Or is it perhaps his estimated $5 Billion fortune built upon Virgin Records, Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Mobile and many other successful businesses?

Take Branson’s perspective of how he fortified his mindset into becoming an incredible winner in business:

“My mother drummed into me from an early age that I should not spend much time regretting the past. I try to bring that discipline to my business career. Over the years, my team and I have not let mistakes, failures or mishaps get us down. Instead, even when a venture has failed, we try to look for opportunities, to see whether we can capitalize on another gap in the market.” — Richard Branson

Oprah Winfrey became one of the most popular and successful entrepreneurs in the world because she’d “only do shows that were in alignment with [her] truth…” What this meant for her, was that she had to believe passionately in what she was doing — and that it was making an impact on others’ lives for the better — in order to keep going and building on becoming a winner.

Oprah Winfrey made a spectacular and enormously successful foray into news broadcasting and daytime television talk. She’s a true pioneer as an African-American woman who found her calling and knew that to best serve others she needed to forge ahead and gain a larger platform. She had tremendous odds against her, and yet she deeply believed in her purpose.

“The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that’s changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” — Mark Zuckerberg

Nikola Tesla is a name that will be remembered for all of eternity because he produced remarkable innovations with the intent of adding value to the lives of mankind. His dream of sharing free energy with the world was never realized, but it was in the works purely for altruistic motives. Tesla was out to help the world. He wanted to use his genius to give value to others.

He began focusing on other technological innovations that have changed the course of history forever and STILL have a direct impact on our lives. Tesla played a huge role in the development of alternating current electricity, harnessing the power of light to develop fluorescent bulbs and is now credited for having invented radio.

When he found his passion, he kept going and kept pushing himself to higher-levels of imagination and greatness. The man took enormous risks and they paid off.

So I ask you, what risks are you willing to take? A winner’s mindset is not for the timid or faint of heart. It takes confidence, imagination, a bold willingness to take chances and a commitment to live the life of your dreams. I humbly believe that as you search inside yourself, you’ll find all of these things. You just have to give it a shot.

Win Every Day by Investing in Yourself

I’m helping thousands of people each day build their life on values and put together their personal game plan. Join me! Check out The Value of You, my Amazon bestseller. The e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

Additional Reading

How to Overcome Procrastination and Develop a Productive Daily Routine

1 Hour Per Day Doing this Mental Exercise Will Exponentially Increase Your Success

30 Excuses Stopping You From Living Your Best Life (And 30 Solutions)

How to Build the Mindset of a Winner — The Blueprint for “Next-Phase” Thinking was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

3 Positive Stories of How to Find Your Purpose — Inspired by March Madness

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.” — Coach John Wooden

This is an incredible time of year for excitement, emotion and dreams to come true. Whether you’re a basketball fan or just a casual observer, it’s hard not to get wrapped up in the excitement of March Madness. As a high school basketball coach — and former college player — I live for this time of year. Basketball is one of the biggest parts of my life. I’ve learned such a tremendous amount about life, helping others and myself through the game.

The reason why sports resonate so deeply with me is because I believe we can all find so much about our purpose, passion and overcoming adversity through our athletic experiences. We may initially play for the love of the game, but we learn as we go that competition, losing, winning and friendship are the greatest gifts that sports give us.

I decided to share a few stories from my playing and coaching careers to help illustrate the positive impact sports has had on my life. It’s helped me find my purpose and calling in life. It’s given definition and clarity to my life’s experiences, and it’s instilled discipline in how I approach each day. I hope you see the value in these stories and apply them to your life in a positive way.

1. Show People You Care — Lead with Empathy

“You can’t win, unless you learn to lose.” — Kareem Abdul Jabbar

One Win. That was all I had to my name during my first season as a high school basketball coach. Taking the positive out of a one-win season is not easy, but it is essential. I learned during my first season that winning is not the only thing that matters — it’s what you learn about yourself, the game and life that are far more important. It is truly the journey — not the destination — that matters most!

My coaching career started at one of the most ethnically diverse high schools in America. Situated just outside of Washington D.C., the school has a large Muslim, Latino and African-American population. Our team’s diversity was a perfect representation of the overall student body. Hard-working, respectful kids who cared for one another.

This made for a wonderful experience where the coaches and players could all learn about each other’s backgrounds. I learned my first Arabic words and gained insights into the culture of the various communities in the town. The previous season, the team had a .500 winning percentage and left over from that squad were some legitimately talented athletes. I figured there was room for growth.

Instead, it was a season of close losses but priceless life lessons.

Empathy, understanding and positive encouragement are the best operating bases from which to teach people. Particularly during times of adversity, you have to stay positive. This is as true on the basketball court as it is in life! Think about it — what are you facing today that has you down? What is standing in your way that you can overcome?

Change and tough times are going to affect all of us. If we turn and run away, or face them with a poor attitude, we’ll never learn and improve. In basketball, they say every team “makes a run.” This means, every team gets some momentum going and plays well in spurts for certain parts of a game.This is when everything coalesces and starts gelling for the unit.

Think about what “your run” looks like. How you will get your momentum and inspiration. You’ll find that you inspire others AND yourself when you are a person of empathy and integrity. To form deep connections, show from the beginning that you care about people — beyond a shared objective. When you genuinely care for others, they know it. It’s real and authentic.

Empathy builds trust and forms long-lasting relationships. Empathy can become a cornerstone for the way you treat others and yourself. Successful people lead with empathy. It’s essential in helping us find our purpose.

2. There is ALWAYS a Way to Get Better

“There is always someone better than you. Whatever it is that you do for a living, chances are, you will run into a situation in which you are not as talented as the person next to you. That’s when being a competitor can make a difference in your fortunes.” — Coach Pat Summitt

My passion for the game of basketball, competing and helping others grow is through the roof. I get the chills just thinking about building a winning team and doing the work necessary to achieve success. I love the process. I love the camaraderie of being around a group of people who are committed to winning and reaching their potential.

During my second season coaching, after losing an especially tough game, I vividly remember telling our kids to look at what we could do to get better. As a coach, I’ve always believed the next game would be our best. I follow the example of always finding a way to help the team and looking at what we don’t do well, to know what is required for improvement.

In life, after each loss, mistake or failure, I encourage you to concentrate on what you need to do to get better and move on. Always have something to look forward to in life! You can draw a tremendous amount of inspiration by having events and goals to aspire to and work towards.

My dreams and goals, times with my family, vacations and growth opportunities are all things that get me excited. They get my adrenaline flowing. I refuse to dwell in the negative. There’s always another game, another moment, another way to get better if we’re willing to pursue it.

What is your passion? I ask you: what do you find to be the intersection — in your life — between your passion and your natural talents? Identify this! Pursue this! And never, ever give up on improving your skill in this area. This may be coding, writing, coaching or painting. If you have natural talent for something and you love doing it — you have struck gold, my friend.

If you’re always willing to get better and improve, you’ll find that your purpose starts to come into greater focus each day. Soon, you’ll realize just how far along you already are on your path to living the life you desire most.

3. Keep a Positive Attitude at All Times

“Like life, basketball is messy and unpredictable. It has its way with you, no matter how hard you try to control it. The trick is to experience each moment with a clear mind and open heart. When you do that, the game — and life — will take care of itself.” — Phil Jackson

Let’s be honest — losing and adversity can take its toll on even the most sanguine of people. Losing is not easy, it never has been and never will be. But “losing” is absolutely a part of life. Michael Jordan, LeBron James and Steph Curry have all lost and learned from those games. We tend to learn and grow the most from some of our worst experiences and biggest losses.

Before LeBron James won a NBA championship, he first learned how to lose. The losses and adversity eventually led him to the top of the NBA world. Three championships later, James’ success has been defined by both his wins and losses. Instead of running away from the losses, he embraced them and kept a positive attitude. It’s made an enormous difference in the player and man he’s become.

If you’re willing to stay positive and faithful, this attitude of expectancy, when mixed with hard work, will carry you a long way. Recognize when people are trying to rob you of your joy. Don’t let anyone every deny you of your dreams. Move forward with positive energy and belief in what you can accomplish.

Stay positive through the good times and the bad. You never know when your breakthrough moment will come! Better to be prepared and open to opportunity and new relationships, while in a positive state of mind. Your greatest growth moments occur when you are in a positive state of mind. Enjoy March Madness and keep going on your journey!

Find Your Purpose

I’m helping thousands of people each day build their life on values and put together their personal game plan. Join me! Check out The Value of You, my Amazon bestseller. The e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

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Additional Writing

5 Ways to Invest in Yourself — The Concept of Compound Interest

1 Hour Per Day Doing this Mental Exercise Will Exponentially Increase Your Success

30 Excuses Stopping You From Living Your Best Life (And 30 Solutions)

3 Positive Stories of How to Find Your Purpose — Inspired by March Madness was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Benjamin Strusnik I think you’re on to a winning formula and strategy.

Benjamin Strusnik I think you’re on to a winning formula and strategy. I like this a lot. Planning is huge. Action is paramount. Discipline is the bonding agent that holds it all together. Thanks for reading!

Mike McKelvie Thanks, Mike!

Mike McKelvie Thanks, Mike! Thanks for reading and for taking the time to let me know. Have a great week!