Jordan Antonacci's Blog, page 65

Blog Tour!!!

Traditional publishing is such a pain in the ass. Landing an agent seems like such a stroke of luck. Well…skill and dedication too. But mainly luck.

As of right now, I’m going to consider myself back on the path of self-publishing. I’ve been on this path before–but was rather ill-prepared last time. This time I intend on having a lot more planned and ready for the big release date. The main people I’m in a desperate need for are…

Book Reviewers
Book Bloggers
Beta-readers
Anyone to help with a blog tour

Blog Tour!!!

Traditional publishing is such a pain in the ass. Landing an agent seems like such a stroke of luck. Well…skill and dedication too. But mainly luck.

As of right now, I’m going to consider myself back on the path of self-publishing. I’ve been on this path before–but was rather ill-prepared last time. This time I intend on having a lot more planned and ready for the big release date. The main people I’m in a desperate need for are…

Book Reviewers
Book Bloggers
Beta-readers
Anyone to help with a blog tour

By the way…

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I didn’t mean what I said. I’m an overly sensitive piece of shit that says mean things when I get upset. But I promise, hurting you was never my intention. I understand if you don’t wanna listen.

It hurt like hell to watch you cry. The memory is still etched into my mind and it kills knowing the blame is all mine. I love you mama.

I wanted to let you know you’re a dick. A stupid selfish prick, so fucking ignorant. Why you left in such an instant I’ll never understand. This is closure that’ll never touch my hand and a relationship I’ll never get to mend. A dream I’ll never get to live because all you knew to do was quit. Well bye then.

Yes, I am insecure. I’ve been fucked with my whole life and it’s left me unsure. I wanna let trust in but am afraid to open the door. Still, with you I feel comfort. Never felt anything more pure.

I miss you so much it kills. You were the only one I could talk to. The only one to truly understand the feelings that I would conceal. Your departure left a gaping wound I’m not sure will ever heal. The thought of never seeing you again has left me haunted and without will. Honestly, I think I’ve forgotten how to feel.

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Yes, I am quiet. But if you knew what was inside, you too would hide it. And no, I don’t like to talk. Thanks for taking notice. Me and people don’t really get along, and I’ve always been soft-spoken. Why am I so funny? Why is it when people are with me they have to start joking? I kinda want to choke them.

Too often, I realize I don’t want to be here. Whether it’s this place, this life, this year… But becoming my father is such an unrelenting fear. It’s just, sometimes I feel my time is already near and I’m lacking my ability to care. But then I think about you, Dear, and I don’t want to go anywhere.

Oh, and by the way…

I imagine I’ll have many more posts like this, as my list of things unsaid seems infinite. Does my list look at all similar to yours?

Thanks for reading, everyone! Happy Friday Eve

Accept Change

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You have to go with the flow. Adapt. It’s the only way to survive.

Forest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get.” Well, actually, it was his mother who said that, but you get the point. That phrase–I like it. Personally, I’ve found life to be more like an ocean: vast, expansive, unknown depths, and there always seems to be something lurking beneath the surface.

In life, we can choose to stay in the shallow waters, or we can choose to venture into the deeps, where risks are greater than any treasure waiting to be found. Whatever our decision, one thing is for certain: we’ll either sink, or we’ll swim. Some of us will barely get by; just our noses bobbing above the surface, taking in air whenever we get a chance. But if we keep trying, we’ll get better, stronger. We’ll learn how to swim, and stay afloat.

In these black swaying waters of life, we sometimes swim into currents. That’s a fact. It’s inevitable. And these currents–they can be dangerous, dragging us to places we don’t want to be. Places that are unfamiliar to us. But really, it’s how we handle these currents that determines how we let them effect us. Should we fight against the currents, we’re bound to tire ourselves out, and sink below the surface, and drown. But should we go with these currents, we can use them to our advantage. All we have to do is be willing to accept change. Because these currents, though fierce and frightening, can take us to new places if we let them.

In a previous post, When One Door Closes, I talk about how the space behind the doors we choose are unknown until we turn the handles and step through. It’s only then that we’ll experience the path behind that door and everything it has to offer. In a similar way, you won’t know where these currents can lead you should you fight and not let them carry you adrift.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

― Lao Tzu

So relax. Stop fighting. Let yourself float upon the surface as the current carries you away, taking you to new places and showing you new things. Enjoy the ride and go with the flow. Who knows where they’ll take you?

Just watch out for sharks.

 

Thanks for reading! Hope everyone’s having a great week so far. If not, then try making a change by letting change happen. Go with the flow.

-Jordan Antonacci

Twitter: @misterhushhush

No Makeup

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No Makeup

I think you look your best

Right after you wake up

Not when you wear some dress

But when you wear no makeup

I just wanna hold you

In my arms, enfold you

Especially when it’s cold

Don’t forget what I’ve told you

When your hair still has

It’s natural wave

That’s when you think you look bad

But that’s when you take my breath away

A mask of product

To cover a fear

that you’re just not enough

Still I see you clear

Girl you’re better than

The social convention

That takes away

All of your attention

You don’t need

To look like them

Your effortless beauty

More grand than the canyon

And you don’t need help

What they work to achieve

You have all by yourself

All by yourself

I think you look your best

Right after you wake up

Not when you wear some dress

But when you wear no makeup

Anybody else prefer natural beauty?

Thanks for reading!

-Jordan Antonacci

Twitter: @misterhushhush

When One Door Closes

When one door closes

another opens

But how do you know if

what’s behind that door

is what you wanted?

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Your life is what you make of it. All through our brief stay here, we’re constantly being given choices. Really, that’s the jist of life: a never-ending series of choices. Each choice is a door. Behind each door is a path. We walk through one door, and the others close. We walk along these paths, and as we do, sometimes the door closes behind us, and we’re stuck on that path, unsure of how to get off. These choices and the gamble that comes along with them–they’re what makes life interesting, keeps it different…but they’re also what makes it terrifying.

The way I see it, making decisions in life is a lot like playing Russian Roulette. In some circumstances, that can be quite literal. But what I mean is that one simple decision can either make or break you. It can lead you down a path to either a life of your dreams or nightmares. And you can never know which. Not until you open that door, and step through.

While I enjoy change and adventure, I’m also a creature of habit and tend to stick with what I know. Sometimes that means opening the same exact door over and over again, expecting something new to be on the other side each time. It was Albert Einstein who said, “The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”

You see, life itself is the biggest gamble of them all. You can’t ever truly predict what’s behind each door. But always, always think carefully before you turn that handle. You never know what’s waiting on the other side.

All you can do is do your best to make the right decisions, learn from the wrong, and hope you’re not closing the door on the life that should’ve been.

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When one door closes

another opens

But how do you know if

what’s behind that door

is what you wanted?

Thanks for making the decision to open and read this post. Hope you liked it

Brotherhood of the World Bloggers Award!

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This morning has sucked. Was feeling pretty low till I scrolled over recent blog posts and saw that I was nominated for the Brotherhood of the World Bloggers Award by none other than my wonderful blogger friend, Nina. If you haven’t already, checkout Nina at The Cozy Pages, her blog dedicated to fellow readers and writers where she posts great reviews for amazing books. She’s also a supporter of indie authors

When One Door Closes

When one door closes

another opens

But how do you know if

what’s behind that door

is what you wanted?

[image error]

Your life is what you make of it. All through our brief stay here, we’re constantly being given choices. Really, that’s the jist of life: a never-ending series of choices. Each choice is a door. Behind each door is a path. We walk through one door, and the others close. We walk along these paths, and as we do, sometimes the door closes behind us, and we’re stuck on that path, unsure of how to get off. These choices and the gamble that comes along with them–they’re what makes life interesting, keeps it different…but they’re also what makes it terrifying.

The way I see it, making decisions in life is a lot like playing Russian Roulette. In some circumstances, that can be quite literal. But what I mean is that one simple decision can either make or break you. It can lead you down a path to either a life of your dreams or nightmares. And you can never know which. Not until you open that door, and step through.

While I enjoy change and adventure, I’m also a creature of habit and tend to stick with what I know. Sometimes that means opening the same exact door over and over again, expecting something new to be on the other side each time. It was Albert Einstein who said, “The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”

You see, life itself is the biggest gamble of them all. You can’t ever truly predict what’s behind each door. But always, always think carefully before you turn that handle. You never know what’s waiting on the other side.

All you can do is do your best to make the right decisions, learn from the wrong, and hope you’re not closing the door on the life that should’ve been.

[image error]

When one door closes

another opens

But how do you know if

what’s behind that door

is what you wanted?

Thanks for making the decision to open and read this post. Hope you liked it

Who is Mr. Hush?

Almost a year ago, I was trapped in a place in life where I was completely closed off from everyone and the world around me. There was so much I’d been keeping bottled inside for so long that it was rotting me from the inside out. I needed to do something to get all that bad stuff out.

The need to reach out and vent quickly landed me at WordPress. But my desire to spill my guts gave me a sense of vulnerability I wasn’t comfortable with. So to make it easier, I created a mask; a character which housed all my darker and more vulnerable aspects.

Eventually, after venting, I found others related to me more then I could’ve ever imagined. So I stepped from behind the safety of my mask.

But still, who exactly is this character?

Who is Mr. Hush?

Who is Mr. Hush?

What is it that he wants?

What is it that he needs?

What is it that he craves?

Is he a human or a creature?

Something lurking beneath your bed?

The dark within the danger?

A figment of your imagination?

Is he the terror of a nightmare?

Shrieking in the dark?

A howl through the trees?

The shatter of a heart?

The ugliest truth

The most beautiful lie

The worst part of you

that you can’t deny

He is the secrets that you keep

The insecurities you want no one to see

He’s everything that makes you bleed

and the guilty pleasures upon which you feed

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But he’s also the raft

when life threatens to drown

Or a seldom faint laugh

when all you’ve known is a frown

He’s the lamp in a dark room

you never knew was there

A light against the doom

and someone there to care

Because he too knows

how it feels to be alone

How it feels to be miles away

even in a place called “Home.”

If you really want,

just look in the mirror

because Mr. Hush

is all of us

Thanks for reading

With or without you.

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So done with the same thing

Back and forth

All the games

So done with the same day

It’s on repeat

Everything’s the same

All I want

is happiness and rest

All I need

is you and me

But this has been

beating me to death

And I’m hanging in

But only by a thread

Why can’t you

just please commit

before I commit

to “The end”?

The sunrise paves way to a new day

but I’ve seen this day before

Still, I pray for something to change

Coz I can’t take it anymore

I wanna stay, wanna leave

Girl, can’t you see that I’m torn?

You just walk away and leave me to bleed

to bleed on the cold hard floor

I’m exhausted and I just want it to end

This chase is too fucking relentless

Baby, I’m going to live my life

with or without you in it.

“Through the storm, we reach the shore.

You give it all, but I want more.

And I’m waiting for you,

with or without you.”

U2, With or Without You

Can anyone relate?

Thanks for reading