Scott Perry's Blog, page 15

You've got to change to change.

You've got to change to change.

But change works in at least two directions—change for the better or, the worse.

Which direction are you going?

If you don't pay attention, you'll likely fall into the path of least resistance.

And that path leads somewhere worse, more often than not.

How do you encourage finding and following a better path?

The more intention and integrity you bring into the change you're making, the greater chance you have to step into the possibility you aspire to create with and for those you seek to make a difference with and for.

What is your vision of better in the difference only you can make?

What are the values upon which you will not equivocate?

Now, what can you change to help make that change happen?

What do you need to do?

Are you doing that today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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What do you really want?

How would you answer the question, "What do you want?"

The most common answers I hear are attached to "more."

More money. More status. More stuff.

But here's the thing, "more" rarely gets us closer to what we really want.

Through conversations with clients in midlife, I find that people really want their lives to mean something, while the game of life is theirs to play. 

Which begs the question, what gives life meaning?

I think it has to do with playing your game and playing it full out.

While observing (and inverting) the Golden Rule, of course.

Then why have we spent so much time playing someone else's game?

Because parents, peers, society, school, and occupation encourage us to play a game that rewards our dopamine-addled brains with more (usually in the form of more money, more status, and more stuff).

But if playing the game of life in pursuit of more money, status, and stuff were meaningful, wouldn't there be more flourishing and fulfilled people?

In midlife, some of us wake up to the fact that we've been playing someone else's game and not getting any closer to the meaning and fulfillment our souls crave.

What to do?

There is an opportunity in midlife to get closer to what you really want.

You can cultivate the curiosity and connections that allow you to hear and heed your life's true calling, define the difference only you can make, and live your legacy.

Ready to abandon the undisciplined pursuit of "more" and do the inside-out work of getting closer to what you really want in your life's encore?

The Art of Encore Living Quickstart Guide is a FREE resource that provides a great place to start. Click here to grab your FREE copy.

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Which future are you killing off today?

What does it mean to decide?

Decide comes from the Latin decidere, literally “to kill off from” (de “off” + caedere “to kill”).

In other words, when you decide to do a thing, you are also deciding to not do (kill) a host of other things.

And what of deciding not to decide?

Well, that’s deciding too. Indecision is a decision to settle for the way things are.

What does this have to do with making a difference (specifically, the difference only you can make)?

Difference-makers dream and strive for a better future.

So which future are you deciding to kill off today?

Are you deciding not to decide (thereby killing off a future in pursuit of the difference only you can make)? 

Or are you killing off the future where you’re not doing anything (and thereby doing something in service of your dream)?

Decide well.

The future for the difference only you can make depends on it.

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Are you tired of "almost?"

Do you catch yourself having some uncomfortable conversations with yourself over and over?

I sure do.

One of my least favorites is the one where I tell myself that I'm "almost there" with achieving a goal.

With goals about my physical and financial health, the "almost there" conversation can go on for years.

What about you?

But what keeps me (or you) "almost there" instead of reaching your goal?

Saying "yes" to deciding.

Here are three reflections on years of being "almost there" that have helped me get "all the way there."

Decisions aren't fast. I've struggled with decisions about my health and financial goals for years.
I'm stuck on my health and financial goals because I wasn't decisive in the past.
Getting from "almost there" to "all the way there" requires considering the cost of continued inaction (in time, money, attention, and well-being).

For instance, have I waffled on a decision to stick with a nutrition or savings plan before?

Yup.

Is that why I'm still "almost there?"

Uh-huh.

Is it finally time to change that?

Yes. I'm ready.

And then, and only then, am I one decision away from changing my life forever.

And that decision is to actually do what I just decided to do.

What "almost there" goal do you want to become an "all the way there goal?"

What happens if you sit yourself down and have a clear, direct, and respectful conversation with yourself and then simply do the thing you decide must be done?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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You 're only one decision away from changing your life forever.

Power gets a bit of a bad rap these days.

This is because we see so many examples of powerful bad people.

But power is not inherently good or bad. It's simply an amplifier.

Power is the ability to direct or influence people or events.

If you're a terrible person before you step into your power, you'll be worse after you do.

But the opposite of this power dynamic is also true.

If you're a good person before you step into your power, you'll be even better after you do.

If you're reading this, I hope you're a good person (AKA a difference-maker) who's ready to become a better person (AKA someone living your legacy through the difference only you can make).

However, if you are a terrible person, please STOP reading. We don't need any of you people becoming even worse now.

Still, reading?

Cool. Thanks for being good people. Let's talk about how you can become even better.

So, how does a good person see, step into, stay in, and share their power as an even better person?

By merely deciding to do so.

Simple, eh? The problem is simple is rarely easy...

Why is it so hard to decide to trust ourselves enough to invest in ourselves and make progress in the difference only you can make?

Because past decisions didn't work out the way, we wanted.

But the only thing worse than a wrong decision is to compound it by allowing that decision to keep you from making the next decision.

Don't allow a lousy decision to burn you twice.

At the end of the day, abdicating our power to circumstances or others is a decision—a wrong decision when it comes to promoting your health and happiness.

What happens if you decide instead to empower yourself?

What happens if, just for today, you trust yourself enough to invest in yourself and the difference only you can make by taking the next small step into possibility and your potential to be and do more and better today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Stop Letting a Bad Decision Burn You Twice

My first experience with a girlfriend was in the 8th grade.

After three days of holding hands on our way to classes, she dumped me for a 9th grader.

I never dated again...

Okay, of course, that's not true.

My first decision about who to ask out turned out to be bad.

But I made lots of dating decisions after that.

Some were as bad (or worse), and others were good (and even great).

Can you relate?

Here's the thing. When you allow a bad decision (or, more correctly, a bad outcome) to keep you from trusting yourself enough to invest in the next opportunity, you're letting a bad decision burn you twice.

For instance, I've invested plenty of time, money, and attention in books, programs, and coaching that could have delivered better results.

Maybe it was the author, organization, or coach's fault. Maybe it was mine. (Probably a bit of both.)

Regardless, the only thing worse than being burned by bad decisions is to let the story you tell yourself about that decision burn you again. 

Don't allow a past bad result keep you from trusting yourself enough to invest in yourself (and the difference only you can make) when the next good opportunity presents itself.

Sure, get better at making better decisions.

But isn't the only way to do that to keep making decisions?

What bad decisions from the past are you allowing to burn you twice? 

There's a cost to taking action, of course. But in the pursuit of developing your potential and delivering on your promise, is it ever as great as the cost of inaction?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Gena Moyer - "Who are the people that came before you that made you who you are?"

Today I'm sharing some insight for finding fulfillment, forging meaning, and making an impact from an inspiring difference-maker living her legacy. Gena Moyer and her husband are the founder of Thunderbird farm. Catch our entire conversation here.

[GENA] For me, a lot of me realizing what my creative purpose was and how I could help create purpose for other people required me to do some, I would say genealogy and history of my own family, of the women in my family.

I think especially as I was growing up, you know, everybody's like, "Go to college," "Get a degree." And education is actually one of the primary things I advocate for. I think education is wonderful.

But I think some of the education you can do yourself.

Who are the people who came before you that have created who you are?

I have indigenous heritage, and I know one of the pieces for me getting to this point of feeling very confident in what I'm meant to give to the world is because I understand that history. I understand the trauma that happened to my ancestors.

I also understand the very strong, bold, brave, creative women that are part of my lineage.

I feel (this is kind of "wooy"), but I feel like those people, those women, are with me in the things that I'm doing, as they will be with anyone that I touch.

So with what I know and what I share... So I would say, learn a little bit about your history. Know your past.

And not just your own but those people who have really created who you are.

[SCOTT] I love that. We've been talking a lot in our community about... You know, we're always, especially in the United States or in Western World in general, we're always looking into our becoming, and we don't spend enough time in our being.

But a lot of times, we can only become what we're going to become in the here and now in the being.

But it's often the past, it's what we've been that will inform that.

Just to clarify the "woo" factor, I'm "all in" on the woo, but there's actually science now about this. That we are who we are in our disposition, character, and attitudes are very much informed by things that have happened in the past that we may or may not even be aware of.

[GENA] So much understanding of yourself and forgiveness of yourself. I think there are so many things that, as I learned, as I did that exploration into my heritage, it's not just about forgiving other people, it was about forgiving some of the things I had on me. You know, that inner critic part of myself that I was able to release that.

So, I highly recommend doing the "you work." Do the "being work" but also do the "past work." Look into your past, and you'll recognize yourself in so many people that came before you.

[SCOTT] So, yeah, well, I think there's a reason why on the Oracle of Delphi, the opening line is "Know Thyself. So good advice!

Gena shared some serious wisdom about ho what you've been can help you be what you are becoming and how to know thyself. How can your past inform and inspire your journey of emergence today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach

(BTW, you can tune in to this entire conversation and EVERY other episode of The Art of Encore Living here.)

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Beyond Fear

Coaching is a weird business.

Unlike a teacher or mentor who teaches you something you don’t yet know, the essential job of a coach is to help you recognize you already possess everything you need and embrace your hidden wholeness.

Coaches remind you that you are sufficient as you are, even as you strive to develop your potential.

After all, holding opposing or contradictory truths, like sufficiency and striving, is a defining quality of being a happy, healthy, and high-functioning human being.

And what’s the most essential virtue or asset clients already possess that they need to be reminded of, embrace, and leverage so they can fly higher in the difference only they can make?

Courage.

But what is courage really?

Courage is the mental fortitude or moral strength required to explore the edges of your understanding and ability, persevere in a worthwhile cause or campaign, or withstand danger or difficulty.

Put another way, courage is the opposite of fear.

But courage is a many splendored thing and much more than its dictionary definition.

Courage, as a noun (quality or idea), is all very well and good (and even interesting), but it’s the application of courage that makes a difference.

In other words, courage is more powerful when you treat it like a verb and do something with it.

How?

Every day we face moments, large and small, that require us to acknowledge and accept our angst, doubt, or terror and do something that should be done.

What if, just for today, you were to embrace your fate and stop being afraid of your fears, regrets, and anxieties?

Cultivating courage can help you do just that.

How might that change everything?

AND, in the spirit of contradictory truths, what are the things you should not do?

How might courage help you stop doing things that hold you back from or get in the way of stepping fully into your power to make the difference only you can make?

How can you leverage your inherent capacity for courage today? What would you do? What would you stop doing? How might that change how you show up for yourself and the people you care about today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Beyond "Skin in the Game"

To make a difference is to make change happen.

And to make change happen is to take on risk.

Exploring and exploiting the edges of what's possible in the pursuit of better means also embracing uncertainty and the possibility (indeed likelihood) of failure.

Difference-makers wrestle with "This might not work" daily.

Here's the thing about risk. It has an upside and a downside.

This is why having skin in the game as a change agent is so important.

If we don't have anything at stake, it's easy to forget or ignore the consequences of failure and be seduced into chasing an elusive upside.

This is a dangerous, even terminal, play.

Skin in the game reminds us that we ignore the downside at our peril and encourages us to hedge our bets to mitigate against catastrophe while we try to leverage the upside.

But is skin in the game enough?

Defining, developing, and delivering the difference only I can make has been a pursuit in discovering my soul's calling.

And having soul in the game has made all the difference.

What is the difference you're making today? Do you have soul in that game or just skin? It may be time to rejoin the most important conversation you'll ever have.

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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The Virtues of the Negative Way

Calling me a lapsed Catholic would be a gross understatement for my relationship with the faith tradition I was born into.

However, it is a filter through which I witnessed the world for many years. 

One frame that continues to help me practice a “less is more” approach to my life and work is the concept of “via negativa,” the negative way.

In the first centuries of Christianity, most of the faithful plied a great deal of hyperbole to describe God.

Phrases like “God is good,” “God is great,” “God is love,” and “God is truth” abounded and yet fell quite short of adequately describing the ineffable qualities of the divine.

In the 5th century CE, a Syrian monk known only by his pseudonym, Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite, developed a counterintuitive solution to resolving the inadequate attempts to define what God is. Instead of describing what God is, he explained God by what God is not.

Via negativa fully embraces the mystery of the divine by removing all the inadequate names, descriptions, and definitions of God. God is above and beyond the limits and restrictions imposed by naming, describing, and defining.

To know the divine, paradoxically, one must practice “unknowing”—a practice in surrender and non-attachment—letting go of everything that cannot be known about the divine actually brings you closer to it.

You may be wondering what all this has to do with finding your calling and difference-making...

The negative way is a practice in pruning—cutting away everything that is not essential so that you can more effortlessly achieve what you really want.

Too often, my pursuit of defining who I really am and what I’m really meant for has been an additive process—acquiring more knowledge, skills, tools, etc.

What about you?

More is rarely better, and less is often more. Subtraction makes systems more efficient and effective than addition.

Reducing the downside helps optimize the upside.

Avoiding mistakes and bad decisions makes discovering and exploiting opportunities and good decisions more likely.

What possibility do you desire to step into more fully? What routines or relationships could you prune to make the way more clear? How might a process of elimination help you find a better way forward?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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