Scott Perry's Blog, page 12

Do you know the ground rules?

To play your game is to define the difference only you and craft it into a meaningful endeavor done with and for people you care about so you can live your legacy.

However, while you pursue what you want on your terms without compromising on the content of your character, there are a few ground rules.

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.”—Epictetus

Agency is as intoxicating as it is elusive. 

When the breaks go your way, it’s easy to believe it’s due to your intelligence and planning. 

When things go awry, it’s easy to blame others or fate.

The truth is, very little is within your control, but at the same time, you do control everything required to maintain your sense of well-being and prosperity.

You ultimately control only two things. 

You determine how you choose to perceive yourself, others, and your situation. 

You also control what you decide to do next.

Everything else is beyond your control.

Your body is subject to disease, decline, and, ultimately, death. 

The attitude and behavior of others are for them to decide, not you.

And there are forces far more powerful than you at work in life’s social, political, economic, cultural, and geographical arenas.

However, many things beyond your absolute control are within your influence.

You can eat well and exercise to promote a healthy body. 

You can adopt a compassionate posture toward others that encourages them to engage in their goodness.

And you can choose your battles and leverage your assets to persuade results that enhance the prospects for all.

Agency is then less about what is and is not within your control, but rather your willingness to take responsibility for your decisions and actions.

Accepting agency’s invitation doesn’t guarantee the outcomes we desire. Instead, it provides us with a much more valuable gift.

The ability to find fulfillment and meaning in the journey.

(This is an excerpt from The Art of Encore Living: A Guide for Finding Fulfillment, Forging Meaning, & Making a Difference in the Second Half of Life. Click here to learn more.)

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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Are you winning the game of life?

Are you winning the game of life based on the rules you learned in school and on the job but not feeling the thrill of victory?

You’re not alone.

Many begin feeling lost and empty in midlife despite following the rules of the game of life established by society.

Although, you can recognize the false promises of the traditional version of the “pursuit of happiness” at any age.

What’s going on?

Well, it turns out you can’t win your game if you’re playing someone else’s, and you definitely can’t win a game you don’t want to play.

What to do?

It’s time to play your game.

You can find fulfillment, forge meaning, and make a difference in the second half of life by mastering the art of encore living.

What is the second half of life?

It’s the life you live from the inside out whenever you’re ready to let go of searching for external instruction and validation for how to play your game.

What is encore living?

It’s a journey of defining, developing, and delivering the difference only you can make. 
It’s a life that leverages who you really are, what you’re really good at, and where you really belong.
Instead of a legacy of money and monuments left behind after you die, it’s a life where you live your legacy through endeavors that matter.

In short, mastering the art of encore living is about playing your game all in and full out. 

But where do you begin?

Well, you’ve got to change to change. 

And there’s no roadmap for this journey of rediscovery of who you really are, what you’re really good at, and where you really belong.

Fortunately, there is a compass and some instructions on using it in The Art of Encore Living.

Ready to hear and heed the call of vocation (the work you’re meant to do now)?

Your life is speaking to you because it wants to speak through you.

Grab the guide, and let’s get going!

Let your life speak.

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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Oops, I did it again!

What are mistakes, really?

The etymology is clear.* The prefix mis- (meaning “badly” or “wrongly”), changes take (meaning “grasp”) to “grasp badly or wrongly.”

In other words, we didn’t get what we tried to grasp when we made a mistake.

But why do we conflate mistakes with failure?

That seems the biggest mistake of all.

Sure, if you don’t get what you tried to get, you failed to get it, but is that really a failure in an ultimate or absolute sense.

Did I fail if I made a mistake when developing a skill like speaking French, running hurdles, baking a cake, or playing chess?

What about mistakes made when I’m leveling up my skills as a coach, marketer, writer, or leader. Are those failures?

I don’t think so.

For me, mistakes are reminders that I’m playing my game.

What about you?

Are you making mistakes along the way as you play your game?

The game played at the edges of your understanding and ability (which is where growth happens).

Your game (and mine) isn’t the finite game of winners and losers, and mistakes are failures that parents, peers, society, and school sold you.

After all, you can’t win playing someone else’s game.

Your game is an infinite one about discovering yourself, developing your potential, and delivering the difference only you can make.

In that game, mistakes are merely lessons that help you iterate and improve so you can play again half a shade better and truer to yourself than the last go-round.

Play your game all in and full out.

Play it with relish (games are, after all, supposed to be fun) and restraint (you do, after all, want to live to play again tomorrow).

And remember, mistakes only happen when you’re playing your game fully and well.

What mistakes did you make today that indicated you’re playing one worth playing?

*Tom Trainer

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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Play your game.

Play your game all in and full out.

That’s my mantra.

But what does that mean (and where does it come from)?

I was assigned the Bhagavad Gita in a 7th-grade world religions class.

I loved the story but didn’t fully understand all the references.

For instance, I remember asking my teacher, “What does ‘Look to your dharma’ mean?”

Dharma is an ancient Sanskrit term that defies easy translation, but my teacher said it was usually translated as sacred “law” or “duty.” But it was more closely related to “calling” or “vocation.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Play your game,” was his response.

I love that.

It felt like permission to not blindly play the game my parents, peers, and teachers had planned for me.

You know, the game of the “pursuit of happiness.”

A game of compliance that’s really a thinly disguised hamster wheel of chasing after status and stuff that doesn’t actually make anyone any happier.

After all, you can’t win playing someone else’s game.

And you can’t win a game you don’t want to play.

So, I’ve done my best to define and play my game ever since that 7th-grade moment.

At various times, playing my game has involved being a son and brother, a student, a teacher, a husband, a father, a musician, and, more recently, a coach and a grandfather.

Contrary to what Simon Sinek thinks, your “why” is not singular or fixed by age 20.

At least, that’s my experience and the people I connect with.

I recently collided with additional insight and inspiration on how to play my game through my friend and mentor Laurel Portié who connected me with the work of Nic Peterson, Randy Massengale,  Dr. Jeff Spencer, The Guardian Academy, Success Finder. and Dan Nicholson’s fabulous book “Rigging the Game.”

All VERY worth your time to explore and investigate.

But what of the “All in and full out” part? (h/t Stephen Cope)

The short answer, at least for me, is that you can only cultivate joy and equanimity in playing your game if you treat it as an infinite game, NOT a finite one. (h/t James P. Carse)

“All in and full out” means fully committed and playing with intention and integrity AND ensuring that your right to play your game doesn’t interfere with anyone else’s ability to do the same.

Leading and living from the inside out.

What’s your game? How are you playing it all in and full out today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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Closing the Intention Impact Gap

Ever had your feelings hurt or been frustrated by something that was said or done to you?

Have you ever hurt someone else’s feelings or frustrated them because what you said or did was misunderstood?

Why is that?

There’s a gap between the intention of your thoughts, words, and deeds and the impact they have on others (or yourself).

And in that gap lies interpretation.

Human beings make sense of themselves, their situation, and others through storytelling, and “interpretation” is just another word for storytelling.

You’ve heard me say it many times, but it bears repeating, “choose your story, choose your future.”

It also helps to understand we are so prone to miscommunication and misinterpretation because we grossly overestimate our ability to communicate clearly and listen accurately.

Dr. Elizabeth Louise Newton illustrates this typical human behavior beautifully in her 1990 Stanford dissertation, The Rocky Road From Actions to Intentions.”

The punch line of her work is that we are victims of the narrative fallacy.

What’s the “narrative fallacy?”

Here’s my take.

First, human beings are meaning-seeking creatures. And we forge meaning through stories.

In other words, make sense of ourselves, our situation, and each other through storytelling.

And we craft these cause-and-effect narratives through the filter of all of our biases after the fact.

And since we are always the hero of our story (even when playing the victim or villain), the stories we tell ourselves are self-serving.

Even when those stories don’t serve our better nature or best interests.

Have I lost you? No surprise. Life is messy, and people are fascinating.

Nic Peterson breaks this down as clearly and cogently as I’ve ever heard.

He calls the gap between intention and impact the “adaptive dilemma” and offers three approaches to help close the gap.

Be intentional about the language you use and keep open loops
Avoid dogmatic thinking and embrace scientific thinking
Don’t seek technical solutions to adaptive problems

Click here to watch Nic’s first of three videos to investigate these ideas further.

How does all this help close the intention impact gap?

Well, to close a gap, you have to understand and define that gap.

Then we can take steps to close the gap.

In what ways are you complicit in widening the gap between intention and impact in your day-to-day endeavors? What’s your strategy for bridge the gap?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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The Perils of Milestones

This is my 500th blog post.

Time to celebrate, right?

I’m not so sure.

When I began blogging, I didn’t define “success” by a specific number of posts (word count, readership numbers, etc.).

I began blogging to figure things out for myself and iterate and improve upon ideas that inspire intentional action.

Achieving milestones was a side effect of blogging. It wasn’t the point.

Milestones are all well and good until they’re not.

I’ve set an ideal weight as a milestone worth striving for and reached it more times than I can count.

This begs the question, is it worth celebrating if you can’t sustain a milestone after achieving it?

Too often, milestones (or any other goals) are simply arbitrary. They don’t necessarily help us play our game, never mind any game worth playing.

The reward from an activity is in the intention and integrity of its execution, not the achievement of an arbitrary goal.

Where in your life endeavors are you so focused on the destination that you fail to enjoy the journey?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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Leading With Authority?

Leadership is different than authority.

Authority is assigned. You get elected, certified, or promoted with a title, some responsibilities, and some power over others.

Leadership is assumed. Anyone can embrace their agency and responsibility for their thoughts, words, and actions and step into their power over themselves and how they engage with others.

The distinction doesn't mean leadership and authority are mutually exclusive.

We've all seen or experienced the dangers of relying solely on authority—people who selfishly take advantage of or misuse their power over others.

And incompetent leaders can do just as much damage as abusive authorities.

It's also worth noting that we all engage in relationships where we possess some degree of authority.

This might be as parents, partners, employees, or employers.

This begs the question, is it time for all of us to rethink authority?

How might you better lead with authority today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at Creative on Purpose

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How to Pace Yourself

Too many well-meaning difference-makers heed the gospel of grit and grind.

This is dangerous.

Following these false prophets only increases the likelihood of burnout or blowing yourself up.

If you’re working toward a worthwhile goal, some rigor is required.

But here’s what the preachers of hustle and hard work don’t tell you.

Rigor works most effectively and efficiently when accompanied by restraint.

Why?

Because if you’re always go, go, going, and giving it your all, sooner or later, you will give up or give out.

Restraint helps you rest and recharge so you can go longer and further (and have the wherewithal to recognize when your goal is reached). 

Think about it. How many Olympic champions achieve a personal best every day while training?

Your maximum achievability is not your maximum maintainability either.

Pacing matters. It's how we really close the gap and compress time.

Don't push the river.

If you don’t take a time out from time to time, you’ll likely find that where you wanted to go wasn’t actually where you needed to be.

Restraint helps you pause, reflect, and reorient so you can stay on track and get closer to what you really want and where you really need to be.

Remember, you can’t win a race you don’t want to be in.

And you can’t finish a race you’re not rested and ready for.

Clarity about what you want and how you’re getting there is essential in any endeavor.

Knowing who you are and why you’re doing the work also matters.

But once you’re confident enough about all that, rigor alone won’t help you finish or win the race.

Where in your life, work, and life’s work do you need to ease off the gas, pump the brakes, and show some restraint before you spin out or eff up?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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How to Be More Efficient

Increasing your peak performance frequency and consistency is a recipe for disaster.

Achieving a new “personal best” daily can only lead to burnout or blowing yourself up.

For instance, elite marathon runners don’t train by trying to beat their previous day’s time day after day. If they did, they’d sustain injuries that could be career-ending.

Another example is how many bands follow up their biggest hit by immediately releasing an even bigger one?

(Remember Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors? The double album Tusk follow-up disappointed them and their fans and cost the band more time and money than any other project).

As a difference-maker, especially an independent freelancer or solopreneur, the best thing you can do is show some restraint when you beat last month’s revenue or client acquisition numbers.

Hitting new highs requires rigor.

To remain robust and resilient as we advance, you need to recuperate and reflect on how to raise the floor on valleys, not try to push the peaks higher.

What do I mean by “raise the floor?”

Making a better living while making a bigger difference requires planning. You must build and continuously optimize your system.

And a system’s reliability and success can only be enhanced by eliminating unnecessary components (more ≠ closer) and improving the efficiency and effectiveness (AKA “raising the floor”) of the essential ones.

Click here to see the math.

And here’s some more math. The ROI (return on investment) on improving a system component’s effectiveness and efficiency diminish as you get closer to 100% (and nothing is ever optimized to absolutely 100%).

That’s why pushing the peaks only leads to burnout and blowing up and why raising the floor provides more exponential improvement.

What are the components of your difference-making system? Which are the ones where you need to raise the floor?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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The Perils of Hopium

What is “hopium?”

Hopium is a portmanteau (blend of words to create a new term) of the words “hope” and “opium” used to describe a fictional drug to help one stay hopeful in times of stress.

But relying on hopium is as dangerous as the drug embedded within its name.

For instance, when investments are taking a downward turn, some hold onto them out of the false hope that they’ll rebound.

But skilled, confident, and wise investors don’t rely on hopium.

They cut their losses quickly so they can reinvest their remaining resources into another more likely winner.

These investors recover faster and maintain forward motion in the right direction.

What does this have to do with making a better living while you make a bigger difference?

Everything.

I know that for far too long, hope was my primary strategy.

I launched offers, built courses, and crafted copy, then “put it out there,” hoping that it would connect with those I seek to serve.

Turns out hope is not a strategy.

What to do?

Start with first principles. 

Who are you? What are you good at? Where do you belong?

At the intersection of the answers to those three questions is the difference only you can make.

Then what?

Well, that’s where the real work begins. The human work of making meaningful change for the better with and for people you care about.

How do you begin the real work?

It helps to first get off the hopium.

Instead, embrace, engage, and execute a daily discipline of placing small bets and taking micro-steps into refining what you actually do, who it’s really for, and employing empathetic antagonism when you share your offer with that audience.

This is how you build the skill that encourages the confidence that leads to the wisdom necessary to create real strategies for successful forward motion (and stay away from hopium).

What steps are you taking to avoid the perils of hopium today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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