Scott Perry's Blog, page 14

How to Avoid Being an *ss

Sometimes I act like an *ss. I bet you do too.

Why is that?

Human beings crave certainty.

The problem is that almost everything is uncertain.

Human beings are also storytelling creatures.

We make sense of ourselves, our situations, and each other through narrative.

Our love of certainty and narrative can lead to some pretty fascinating behavior.

We notice things, observe patterns, and make general conclusions that become assumptions.

This kind of inductive reasoning has its place and its perils.

As I said, we love our stories and certainties.

And before we know it, our assumptions become dogmatic beliefs we cling to and fight for even when presented with overwhelming evidence and truths that contradict them.

What to do?

When you catch yourself saying things like, “I have to do this,” or “Because they say so,” or “I need to..,” pause and say, “Isn’t that interesting..? “

This inserts a moment of curiosity and opens a loop in your certainty spiral.

Now you can approach things more scientifically by turning your assumptions into assertions and using deductive reasoning to test them for validity.

Do you really “have to do this?” Are they always right (and do they always consider what are your best interests)? Do you really, really need that?

We learn as children that when you assume, you make an *ss of you and me.

That, of course, might be in and of itself an assumption.

But if you take a thoughtful look at the state of human affairs, we might assert that the harmful effects of assumptions are worth trying to avoid more rigorously.

How can we avoid being an *ss today? 

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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The Art of Sufficiency

What are you grateful for?

 

Psychology and neuroscience confirm that gratitude is one of the simplest and easiest ways to boost your own (and others) mood.

 

When we are grateful, we practice love and empathy from the inside out, cultivating joy and equanimity.

 

The ancients knew the benefits of appreciation long before the scientists confirmed it.

 

Most ancient spiritual and philosophical disciplines encourage and promote a thankfulness practice that begins with sufficiency.

 

Embracing sufficiency encourages accepting we are enough as we are.

 

We are born already in possession of everything we need.

 

You are complete even as you seek.

 

You are sufficient even as you strive.

 

I call this practice “enoughness.”

 

The Stoics of ancient Greece and Rome provide an additional and counter-intuitive perspective on gratitude.

 

The practice of memento mori (remember you die) and amor fati (love of fate) remind us to embrace the transience of everything, even sufficiency and live fully now.

 

How do you practice sufficiency?

 

What do you already possess that you could celebrate and share more fully today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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How to Become Better

What do you want to get better at? Where in your life would you like to be better?

It helps to begin with why you want to get better and where you want to improve.

Thriving and prosperous difference-makers know that intention and integrity matter. 

Getting better at something that doesn’t align with who you are, what you’re good at, and where you belong is a recipe for suffering,

So is betting better by means that don’t align with your values, talents, and scene.

So, assuming you want to get better at something worth getting better at and are prepared to maintain your virtue in the process...

How do you become better?

It helps if you understand where you are and have clarity about where you want to be.

After this audit, you’ll find that you’ll see and do things differently.

What got you where you are won’t get you where you want to go.

But here’s the thing, most of the time, we think we must begin by adjusting our mindset.

However, the science is clear that mindset adjustments come through action.

Action informs mindset (not the other way around).

To change your mind, you must first adjust your behavior (AKA “habits”).

Here are some thoughts on how to do that.*

Start With Sufficiency - You’re fine as you are and aspire to be and do more and better. Where are you at, and what is the smallest viable step into where you want to be. That small, incremental change is enough to go from inert to in motion.

Build Consistency - Turn that first conscious step into an unconscious habit balanced with your other daily activities. Missed a day? Shame is an invitation you don’t have to accept. Simply begin and begin again.

Optimize - Add structure when you consistently have the necessary and essential elements established as default behaviors (AKA “habits”). Create a system and raise the floor on the least efficient elements. Remember, system reliability improves as you prune what’s unnecessary and upgrade what’s weak.

Play - When your system is optimized, you can play with edges and boundaries. These are small experiments, tests, and tweaks with novelty. Abandon what doesn’t work, leverage what does, and never try anything that endangers the system if it doesn’t pan out or sets you back.

Maximize - Advancing to the very top requires a level of refinement and complexity reserved for the absolute best. Closing the gap on the last 1 or 2% involves effort and sacrifice that delivers much lower returns. It may very well be worth it. Then again, it might not. That’s up to you.

Remember, this is a sequence. Taking the next step requires evidence that the current step is established. If you fall off the wagon or backslide on a step, go back a level in the sequence and establish consistency again.

Do the right things in the right order at the right time.

And also, remember, only you can define what “success” looks and feels like for you.

What do you want to get better at? Where in your life would you like to be better? How might this process help?

*h/t Nic Peterson

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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The Smallest Viable Step

Making progress in your pursuit of making a better living while you make a bigger difference requires making decisions and taking action.

Of course, it helps to make deliberate decisions (ones that are weighed and considered) and to take action with intention and integrity.

It also helps if you acknowledge and accept that decisions are not outcomes. 

And work on the next necessary “smallest viable step” that gets you closer to your goal. Dan Nicholson calls this a “solvable problem.”

Define your next smallest viable step.

It should be specific, measurable, and scheduled.

The point is to take the right (AKA “necessary and essential”) steps. At the right time and in the right order.

For instance, if you want to lose 30 pounds, the first goal is to lose one pound.

Say your current health regimen includes 3500 calories/day, two glasses of water, and no exercise. 

Reducing your calorie load to 3200 calories/day, increasing your water consumption to three glasses, or taking a 10-minute walk around the block daily are all worthy smallest viable steps to consider.

Weigh your options, choose what appears to move you the farthest and fastest into the possibility you imagine, take that step and repeat that thing until it becomes a habit.

Then choose the next smallest viable step.

Put another way, set a goal, establish your strategy, and define a tactic you can execute daily until your goal is reached or the deadline is met.

Rinse and repeat.

Progress in any worthwhile endeavor is made through daily deliberate steps into a more fulfilling future more often than giant leaps of faith.

What’s the smallest viable step you’re taking into possibility today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Meaning Matters

Human beings are meaning-making machines.

We are uncomfortable with uncertainty and randomness.

We try to make sense of what we don't understand and impose order on chaos.

But here's the thing, in our desire to make sense of ourselves, our situation, and each other, we put another natural human predilection to work—storytelling.

And when our desire to close loops and tell stories collide, we fall prey to the narrative fallacy.

In our effort to simplify complexity, we cling to simplistic and often irrational beliefs.

When coupled with our need for belonging and identity building, the narrative fallacy can lead us to conclusions that are comedic and catastrophic.

What to do?

First, cultivate a practice of hitting pause when you catch yourself caving into a knee-jerk reaction to a thought, interaction, or event.

This creates space for consciousness, deliberation, and reasoning.

Second, align your thoughts and actions around your core values and vision for who you are and seek to become to be more thoughtful and responsive.

Human beings are also aiming creatures. Aim well by setting and keeping worthwhile ends in mind.

Third, experiment instead of extrapolating. Instead of seeking confirmation for your sketchy cause-and-effect narrative through inductive reasoning, deduce what's happening through empirical evidence.

A beneficial side-effect of an experimental approach is that it's playful and helps you not take yourself, your situation, and others too seriously.

Meaning matters. It matters a lot. How can you start making meaning matter more by meaning-making better today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Make the Most of the Time You Have Left (By Doing Less)

Aspiring and advancing difference-makers set goals and develop strategies for making an impact (and a living).

Many well-meaning change agents often think about what else they can do to amplify the reach and impact of the difference only we can make.

After all, human beings are programmed by biology (hello dopamine) and evolution (hi there, status anxiety) to chase more.

But will doing more get you closer to what you really want?

Actually, no. In fact, quite the opposite.

Imagine that the difference you make results from implementing a system—components working together to achieve a purpose.

The reliability of that system (or any other system) is a function of the product of its component parts, not the sum.

For example,if you want to lose weight, you might adopt a program based on three core principles: count calories, drink more water, and move more daily.

If you do not exceed the calorie count, drink the requisite amount of water, and maintain your movement goal every day (100% of the time), weight loss is guaranteed (100% reliability).

But nothing is perfect.

And the least reliable component of any system is the people involved (AKA “you”).

So let’s paint a more realistic picture of our example.

If you maintain your calorie count 60% of the time, your water goal 40% of the time, and your movement target 80% of the time, what’s the reliability score?

Well, 0.6 x 0.4 x 0.8 = 0.192. Meaning the system is 19.2% reliable.

Now, taking out a component will raise the reliability score. But in this case, the three component parts are essential.

So, how about if we add a magic pill that is 90% effective at facilitating weight loss?

Let’s do the math.

0.6 x 0.4 x 0.8 x 0.9 = 0.17.28 or 17.28%

The addition of a near-perfect component actually reduced the system’s reliability.

What to do?

Well, let’s start by taking away the magic pill. That get’s the reliability back to 19.2%

What else can you do?

Raise the floor of the weakest component.

If you increase the reliability of meeting your water drinking goal to 50%, your system reliability score rises to 24% (an almost 7% increase).

Assessing and improving the reliability of the systems in your endeavor will profoundly impact your impact and bottom line (and help you cultivate a greater sense of equanimity and thriving).

What non-essential components of your coaching business can you eliminate (subtract) to increase the reliability of the overall system?

Which essential component is the weakest? 

What happens if you raise the floor of that component’s reliability score?

And then do the same with the next least reliable component.

And then the next?

How might a more disciplined approach by the weakest component in your system (yourself) change everything?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Selfishly Selfless

Be selfishly selfless.

For most of us, this is a counterintuitive, even repugnant idea.

Only a narcissist would place himself in the #1 position in his life.

Right?

I don't think so.

Sure, a narcissist places his needs, wants, dreams, and desires ahead of everyone else's.

But only a narcissist expects everyone else to place his need above their own.

But you and I aren't narcissists. We're difference-makers.

And difference-makers are programmed to serve, sacrifice and even save others.

But here's the thing, always placing others' health and happiness above you're own is exhausting.

And exhaustion leads to frustration, bitterness, and burnout.

And then you're of no value to anyone.

What to do?

Be selfishly selfless and practice love from the inside out.

Every true leader knows this.

To fully practice care, consideration, compassion, and change for the better, you MUST protect the well-being of your primary asset first.

What's your primary asset?

Your own health, happiness, and humanity.

How are you showing up with and for those you serve today?

Are you going to give, and give, and give until you give out?

Or are you going to serve from the inside out?

How are you being selfishly selfless today?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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The (Fruitless) Pursuit of Happiness

Why does the pursuit of happiness create so much misery?

Because happiness isn't a place. It can't be pursued.

The pursuit of happiness is a fruitless endeavor that can only result in frustration and emptiness.

So, does happiness matter?

Of course, we just need to understand what it is (and what it means).

Happiness is actually a naturally occurring SIDE EFFECT of worthwhile pursuits.

When you connect, collaborate, and create with integrity and intention, happiness simply happens.

Happiness then is a signal that we are finding fulfillment and forging meaning from our life situation (and even suffering).

What if, just for today, you let go of the empty pursuit of happiness and instead let it ensue from doing something that aligns with who you really are, what you're really good at, and where you really belong?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Navigating Risk

If you're a difference-maker (and if you're reading this, you probably are or aspire to be), you're a risk-taker.

Difference-makers seek to make things better, and making things better requires coming up with creative, new solutions to persistent old problems.

For the difference-maker, navigating uncertainty is simply the gig.

AND navigating uncertainty is risky.

The thing about risk is that it has upside and downside

And because we're programmed to pursue more vs. closer (hello dopamine), we often blindly chase the upside without considering the downside.

Here's the thing, the downside of most risks is more significant than the upside.

What to do?

Well, you don't want to avoid risk altogether.

AND you probably should be selective about what risks you avoid and which you embrace.

But most of all, when you decide to take on a risk with a promising upside, you MUST hedge against the downside.

How?

The simplest way is to avoid over-investing in a risky proposition.

In other words, never risk more time, attention, money, or effort than you can afford to lose.

Small steps (or bets) into possibility pay large dividends over time.

And helps you avoid catastrophe (AKA "blowing up") when things don't break your way.

Where are the opportunities in developing and delivering the difference only you can make?

What are the risks involved?

Can you clearly identify the upside?

How are you "raising the floor" on the downside?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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Leaving Loops Open

I've said it many times, human beings make sense of themselves, their circumstances, and each other through narrative.

Put another way, choose your story, choose your future.

And nothing makes a story more engaging than an open loop.

What's an open loop?

In storytelling, an open loop introduces uncertainty that triggers our natural desire for a conclusion (AKA "closing the loop").

Copywriters and television writers use the open loop device all the time.

They create characters we emotionally invest in and place them into an unresolved crisis or conflict (AKA a "cliffhanger").

The resulting tension creates a desire (even demand) for resolution, which marketers and other storytellers can exploit (with intention and integrity) to encourage enrollment and investment in the journey on offer.

But are there situations where keeping loops open are desirable?

While human beings are programmed by biology and evolution to crave and cling to conclusions and certainty, there are VERY few conclusions and certainties that are absolute. 

What current assumptions do you hold as absolute truths? Would these closed loops benefit from being opened?

Might abandoning these certainties encourage the curiosity and consideration that lead to better conclusions?

Scott Perry, Encore Life Coach at The Art of Encore Living

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