Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 29

The smartest way to adapt to the pandemic

Yesterday, I was clever so I wanted to change the world.

Today, I am wise so I am changing myself.

– Rumi

A young woman went to her mother in the midst of enduring the pandemic – complaining about how things were so hard for her. She was tired of the social constraints. And the loss of a substantial portion of her income was wreaking havoc with her ability to pay her bills. Anxiety riddled through her.

Her mother took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. When the pots began to boil, in the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

Twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

 

“Feel the carrots,” the mother said. Her daughter did and noted that they were soft.

“Take an egg and break it,” the mother said.

The daughter pulled off the shell and observed the hard-boiled egg.

 

 

“Sip the coffee,” the mother asked. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

“What does it mean, mother?” the daughter then asked.

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: BOILING WATER. And each reacted differently. Each changed in a distinctive way.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in boiling water, they had changed the water. 

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

“Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, wilts and becomes soft and loses strength?

“Are you the egg – that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat to become hardened and stiff on the inside?

“Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water – the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases fragrance and flavor. When the hour is the darkest and trails are their greatest, the coffee bean elevates itself to another level.

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. 

Keep Preserving your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Mother’s Day Musings that may Surprise the Hell out of You

Over the years, I’ve written SO MUCH about mothers, mothering, lack of mothering, tedium of mothering and love of mothering. This year I diverged from the pattern and recorded some videos instead.

Happy listening!

An alternative to worry:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_lLtTIJ5jF/

To tell or not tell questionable tidbits of family lore to your kids and grandkids:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_xaNmPpE_r/

A truly great, last minute gift for mom that is reasonably priced, unique, available  and practical:

View this post on Instagram

The absolutely best Mother’s Day gift EVER! #boomer #mother #gift #wisdom #play #fun #relaxation

A post shared by Iris Ruth Pastor (@irisruthpastor) on May 6, 2020 at 7:06am PDT

And no Mother’s Day column is complete without a quote from a famous mother. I came across the following quote years ago when my mom and I were in the throes of publishing our first (and only) book together. Slices, Bites and Other Facts of Life is a compilation of many of my earlier columns with a fact, quote, recipe or musing interspersed between each column. (if you’d like to buy one, out of a run of 5000, I’ve got 40 left. $12.95 and free shipping).

Here’s the quote:

“Sometimes when I look at my children, I say to myself: “Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin.”

         Lillian Carter, mother of US President Jimmy Carter, at age 82

And keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

When going through hell, what in the hell do you do?!?

I love the early morning hours – when the world is still relatively quiet and the day is full of promise. But in these days of the corona virus pandemic, I find the fading darkness and glimmers of sunrise to be devoid of enthusiasm for the dawning of a new day.

Who would have thought normalcy could slip away so easily – eclipsing fully entrenched habits and routines? Who’d of thought we’d be making bandanas, yarmulkes and our great aunt’s delicate antique handkerchiefs into protective masks? That we would be shopping obsessively for essentials that usually aren’t’ available anyway?

We no longer have freedom from fear and want.

We are busy doing nothing.

We long for going back to simple things and reminders of happier times.

Everyone has their little outposts of security–for me, a pot of homemade soup simmering on the stove is a concrete harbinger that everything is right with the world.

News of riots, natural disasters and crashes can somehow be held at arm’s length — tension, stress, and worries can be eased — by walking into a home where your nose is gently tickled by the subtle smell of onions, parsley and fresh vegetables bubbling in the soup pot. Sooo, when you are going through Hell, what in the Hell do you do? MAKE SOUP!

It must have something to do with my childhood memories–a small, skinny girl running home from the school bus to tell her grandmother her tales of woe and ecstasy emanating from the portals of Bond Hill Elementary School. To my grandmother, a bowl of homemade soup was an absolute staple of dinner It was no wonder my grandmother was always chopping and stirring  while she listened with rapt attention to my giggling accounts of gossip and me-stories.

By the time I turned into a heavier adolescent with tales of life that were more upsetting than entertaining, my grandmother had passed away and I was no longer so anxious to share my inner thoughts anyway. However, my memories of homemade soup and security were already firmly connected.

These aren’t my grandmother’s recipes – those are probably long lost in a stuffy attic somewhere in Ohio. These below are very similar, though, and are from my recently deceased mother-in-law’s stash.

BUBBY’S VEGETABLE SOUP

Ingredients:

2 lbs. chuck

2 soup bones

2 whole onions

1 bag celery

1 bag carrots

16 – 28 oz. can whole tomatoes

6 – 7 potatoes

1 large bag mixed vegetables

1 box fresh string beans

1 box mushrooms

salt, pepper, parsley, garlic to taste

Wash meat and cut in chunks–put in a VERY large soup pot 2/3 full of water–simmer 1/2 hour, partially covered; skim frequently. Add spices, soup bones, whole onions, and cut up fresh vegetables.  Blend in blender whole tomatoes and put in; simmer 1 hour, partially covered. Put in peeled and cut up potatoes and mixed vegetables and cook 1 hour more, partially covered.  Then let sit one hour, covered.  Remove bones and onions. If you’d like, when both soups cool, put in refrigerator overnight. Skim fat. Heat and serve.

BUBBY’S HAMBURGER & POTATO SOUP

Ingredients:

2 lbs. hamburger

2 soup bones

2 whole onions

bread crumbs

1 pkg. carrots

5 stalks celery

7 potatoes

salt, pepper, garlic, parsley

Fill a very large soup pot 2/3 full of water.  Put in cut-up carrots, celery stalks, cut-up potatoes, soup bones and whole onions.  Cook for one hour, partially covered.

Mix hamburger with bread crumbs, cut-up onion, salt and pepper.  Roll into small meatballs and cook one more hour, partially covered.  Let sit one hour covered.  Remove bones and onions. When soup cools, put in refrigerator overnight. Skim fat. Heat and serve.

Ladle on and Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

How to Prevent the Covid 19 from Becoming the New “Freshman 15″

Does the above picture send chills down your spine because you are……….

   Bored out of your mind so snacking incessantly?

   Eating your weight in Doritos and Oreos while binge watching all that you can on Netflix?

   Finding yourself extra hungry while quarantined?

Staying home can jumpstart all sorts of stressors: sabotage our own personal growth, our primary relationships and our mental and emotional health and well-being. And lead to binge eating.

I can relate. My quarantine regimen: walk 15,000 steps daily, meditate each morning, eat in moderation. Instead, I ordered in an extra-large pepperoni pizza three days in a row – rationalizing my fall from grace as supporting the restaurant industry.

I’m not alone in my frustration to stuff my face and immobilize my body. Here’s a few recent tweets:

We know what to do:

Stay hydrated

Move our bones

Make healthy food choices.

Duh.

We know what to do. We just don’t do it.

And that’s what my pal Sandee and I will be chatting about on Monday. And a whole lot more:

How am I supposed to lose weight if diets don’t work?

How can I tell if I’m eating because I’m physically hungry or just plain frustrated, annoyed, angry?

How important is exercising to losing weight anyway?

To weigh or not to weigh myself daily?

Sandee and I welcome the opportunity to share some wisdom on surviving during these crazy times. And, oh yeah, how to still be able to zip up your favorite pair of jeans when the quarantine is finally lifted.

It’s not about just surviving – but thriving!

Announcing an exclusive online workshop for women in mid-life and beyond, where we will have conversations about struggles with food, exercise, body image, and aging, and the unique concerns you may be facing during this stay-at-home COVID-19 pandemic. Learn more and register at: https://bit.ly/RecoveryOnlineWorkshop

Join Sandee and me for a frank discussion about the reality of living through this pandemic – about the rigors of surviving an extended stay-at-home vigil without killing your family members, harming yourself or witnessing the scale move rapidly northward.

It’s a great way to Preserve Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Hotche Pastor

1925-2020

My mother-in-law didn’t die from the coronavirus, but it certainly hastened her demise

Her last two weeks of her 94 years were spent in her one- bedroom apartment in an assisted living facility 25 minutes away from her youngest daughter – a daughter who couldn’t visit – and a caretaker who also was barred from the center’s premises. She was frightened and lonely.

Attended to sporadically by dramatically overworked staff, Hotche increasingly had trouble maintaining a healthy routine. Getting to the bathroom by herself was tough – she stopped eating – and complained of being so very tired.

In the middle of the night, a staff member reported her appearing comatose. Rushed to the nearest hospital by ambulance, she slipped away just hours later.

When we count the number of deaths that day, certainly hers should be considered among the virus’s toll.

The North Star is the anchor of the northern sky. It is a landmark, or sky marker, that helps those who follow it determine direction as it glows brightly to guide and lead toward a purposeful destination. It also has a symbolic meaning, for the North Star depicts a beacon of inspiration and hope

My mother-in-law was the North Star to her family and her home reflected that reality also. A place of grounding and serenity – a place where friends, relatives and friends of friends gravitated to – that was Hotche’s Place.

A small house where “just one more” was always welcome

A home where you relaxed, got fed and promptly thereafter fell asleep

A place that rang with laughter and radiated with smiles -– even during those long years of her widowhood

She was born in poverty – in the basin of the city – with no running water or electricity. There was an outhouse in the back yard and candles to dispel the darkness.

Her nuclear family had already lost a daughter, Fanny, to diphtheria before Hotche was born. And when her mother found out – against all odds – that she was pregnant – the family deemed the unborn child a gift from G-d.

And my mother-in-law was.

Our vivid recollections won’t be erased by the virus’s ancillary and virulent power. Our families last matriarch is gone, but not her memory.

As this poem by Sylvan Kamens & Jack Riemer so rightly describes;

We Remember Them

At the rising of the sun and at its going down

We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter

We remember them.

At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring

We remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer

We remember them.

At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn

We remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends

We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as

We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength

We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart

We remember them.

When we have joy we crave to share

We remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make.

We remember them.

When we have achievements that are based on theirs

We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as

We remember them.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor 

I’m Pissed

I’m pissed. And on Friday, in my normal newsletter, you will see why. In the meantime, just so you know, that when I get angry, I get energized.

This Corona virus is wreaking havoc with everyone’s lives and I’m tired of being passive.

So, after seeing a video about how yarmulkes are being made into masks, an epiphany ensued.

I immediately began searching the internet for unlined, satin yarmulkes to duplicate the masks I saw on the video. There were lots of sites offering custom, lined ones but no Judaica sites offering old fashioned plain ones. And then, voila: AMAZON.

I hit pay dirt, ordered 144 plain black, unlined skullcaps. They arrived two days earlier than scheduled and I got to work.

I assembled yarmulkes, rubber bands and a stapler. I folded each yarmulke in half and then stapled a rubber band to each end.

When I ran out of rubber bands, I called nearby big box stores for availability. I came up empty-handed.

Getting creative, I searched the house for alternatives. Again, I got lucky: skinny pony tail hair bands replaced the rubber bands and finished the job.

I put each mask into a small paper bag and attached the following message:

An Easter/Passovers gift from your neighbors at the NE corner of MacDill & Chapin

Keep safe, Iris and Steven Pastor

I assembled them on my dining room table.

Here’s what the mask looks like on:

I delivered them to my neighbors’ doorsteps this morning.

It’s my way of kicking ass with the Corona Virus. (And you are right. I didn’t wear a mask because I rang no doorbells – just placed each bag on an entry way and left the premises.)

Happy Passover.

Happy Easter.

And Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

My Day – A Cacophony of Inconsistencies Amidst the Coronavirus Ravage

The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is unplug my cell phone from the charger, carry it to my bed and flop down on the rumpled sheets to peruse the morning headlines:

The economy is crumbling

U.S. daily death toll at an all-time high

N 95 masks still in short supply

That riles me up immensely.

Next I listen to the daily breathing and meditation entry on my Calm app.

That relaxes me.

Then I begin my day with yoga floor stretches – trying to ignore the growing dust balls lurking in every corner of every room.

Next stop: the bathroom to examine once again my unruly hair sorely in need of a keratin treatment, a trim and color. Hastily I pull it back into a makeshift pony tail – trying to ignore the bathroom sink’s splotches of tooth paste.

Geez.

What’s the rest of my day look like? Besides from dusting and scrubbing sinks that is?

Like many, I have time on my hands and a mood that often fluctuates between boredom and restlessness. So I tackle the task of looking through old pictures to remind myself of happier, less stressful times.

Here’s one of me from 5th grade. No make-up. Too short bangs. Pony tail.

Here’s the one from today about 62 years later. No make-up. Too short bangs. Pony tail.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Okay, back to my routine.

With CNN on in the background, I maniacally and compulsively chop and slice veggies and potatoes to make pots of homemade soup to stock my freezer – just in case the corona virus interrupts the nation’s food supply. (The fact that most of my kids consider my culinary skills very subpar is beside the point.)

As a reward for my ingenuity and foresightedness, I delve recklessly into my other stock pile – of caramels – for a mid-morning treat.

After that I head outside for my Wall Street Journal – arriving at my door each morning. Amid the dire news is an article on how millions of American are heading into weeks of schooling their children at home while juggling full-time jobs. If you are craving some comic relief and a dose of solace relating to how parents cave into chaos, read on:

One couple found their kids in the garage using golf clubs as swords.

Another family describes their day:

In the morning, there’s eye rolling.

In the afternoon, we hide from each other.

In the evening, it’s “We can’t do it anymore.”

Another mother said, “I let my daughter watch things like this G-d awful mermaid adventure show that she loves.

One parent gave up on the idea of a schedule and just let the kids beat the crap out of each other with plastic light sabers in the basement.

And one member of our family – in an attempt to keep his two year-old amused – came up with this solution in his Brooklyn, New York apartment:

(The only problem is that the two-year old wants company in the bouncy house.)

After my sunset walk along the bay each evening, I make time for seeking out beauty. And today, I find it in pictures of spring bulbs and flowers bursting through the wintery ground in Ohio, sent to my two good buddies – Tawny and Gloria.

It reminds me of the lyrics of the song “The Rose” sung by Bette Midler:

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long…

Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows

Lies the seed, that with the sun’s love, in the spring becomes the rose.

Here’s to better times.

Iris Ruth Pastor

March Madness

It’s March and there is definitely “madness” in the air.

So what is March Madness?

It’s a time when beer production increases by 3.5 million cases.

It’s a time when pizza orders spike 19 percent.

WHY?

Because it’s when a single-elimination tournament of 68 collegiate teams compete in seven rounds for the national championship.

And It’s one of the most exciting events in all of sports.

This year, March Madness has been cancelled due to the coronavirus pandemic sweeping our nation. However, another form of March Madness has taken hold.

Every day we hear updates on both the number of people contracting the virus and the number of deaths. Every day we hear about new restrictions to shelter in place, newly imposed nighttime curfews, lack of protective gear for health care professionals and the dearth of hospital beds and ventilators.

On a personal note:

An acquaintance celebrated his 70th birthday this week – not with friends and family toasting his longevity – but by himself, isolated in the intensive care unit of his local hospital. He is hooked-up to a machine called an ECMO, which pumps and oxygenates his blood outside his body, allowing his heart and lungs to rest. He is receiving blood transfusions and hoping soon to receive an experimental drug on national back order. Internal bleeding, elevated liver numbers and an allergic reaction to one of the anti-viral drugs are his new reality. Friends and family wait anxiously at home for updates.

My mother-in-law, who turns 95 in May, is battling on a different front. Living in an assisted living facility, she is isolated, disconnected from not only other residents, but from her one daughter who lives in town and visits regularly. She is also deprived of her caretaker who routinely comes in and helps her with activities of daily living. Close to bedridden, my mother-in-law is dependent on the facility’s staff for her needs – a staff that is, I’m sure, overworked and overstressed. My mother-in-law is battling loneliness and boredom. Instead of planning her 95h birthday celebration, we are concerned for both her emotional and physical well-being.

March 2020 will clearly go down as the most remembered “March Madness” in history. But not for basketball. Possibly for the amount of beer consumed. Possibly for the amount of pizza ordered in. Surely for the bizarre changes in our lives, lifestyles, income, peace of mind and health status since the beginning of the month.

May we all remain steadfast in our health habits, resolute emotionally and thankful and grateful for the blessings in life we still enjoy. And let’s pray that this madness soon runs its course so that we can get back to life as we once knew it just a few short weeks ago.

In the meantime, enjoy the music – brought to my attention by my friend Diane Stull:

https://youtu.be/3eXT60rbBVk

And keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Crazy Times Call for Innovative Measures!

Here’s a few ways to cope with the Coronoavirus:

Seek Out Comic Relief

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/13/opinions/boomers-boronavirus-millennials-pariser/index.html

Get Educated and Cultured 

https://www.travelandleisure.com/attractions/museums-galleries/museums-with-virtual-tours

www.masterclass.com

www.thegreatcourses.com

Entertain Yourself 

Binge watch some or all of the following:

     Bombshell (Amazon)

     Hillary (Hulu)

     Self Made (Netflix premiers today)

     Little Fires Everywhere (Amazon)

     My Brilliant Friend (HBO, new season out

Ozark (Season 3 – Netflix, March 27)

Retail Therapy: Consume/Purchase

Patronize local restaurants that are open for take-out and/or delivery

Buy from a local artist or craftsman or commission that piece you’ve always wanted them to make for you.

(Thank you Stacy Morgan)

Vegging in place/Chilling out

Do something arty you’ve never done. I painted a frame.

Organize your house – here’s a great book to help: The Home Edit by Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin

Tackle your home-based to-do list and zip through chores you never have time to do. (I can’t remember the last time I polished my wood furniture – not that I’m anxious to do so but certainly an ideal time to tackle it!)

Walk outside in a public park close to your home – just stay six feet away from others

Remind your kids who have Bar and Bat Mitzvah cancellations that this experience will make a great college essay

Read

Apeirogon by Collum McCann (thank you Margie Kessel)

Love and Ruin by Paula McLain

A Book That Takes Its Time by Irene Smit and Astrid van der Hulst

“If” by Rudyard Kipling

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Subscribe to a magazine – “Where Women Create” is very cool

Reach out:

Call people in nursing homes and assisted living institutions

Have a virtual cocktail party at 5pm or earlier! (thanks Gerry Korkin)

Reframe your thinking

What if you thought of it

as the Jews consider the Sabbath—

the most sacred of times?

Cease from travel.

Give up, just for now,

on trying to make the world

different than it is.

Sing. Pray. Touch only those

to whom you commit your life.

Center down.

And when your body has become still,

reach out with your heart.

Know that we are connected

in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.

(You could hardly deny it now.)

Know that our lives

are in one another’s hands.

(Surely, that has come clear.)

Do not reach out your hands.

Reach out your heart.

Reach out your words.

Reach out all the tendrils

of compassion that move, invisibly,

where we cannot touch.

Promise this world your love–

for better or for worse,

in sickness and in health,

so long as we all shall live.

    Lynn Ungar 3/11/20

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Acronyms

We are all into saving time and shortcuts – not to mention keeping up with our kids and grandkids, mastering technology’s newest advances and coping with the ever-burgeoning threat of the coronavirus.

Addicted to texting? With all the coronavirus-induced closings and cancellations, we might be relying even more on texting.

 

So as some comic relief, and to keep you in the know when sending texts and e mail, here’s some useful Acronyms – some you may know and some which may open up a whole new vocabulary.

(The ones in bold are my favorites.)

2MORO – tomorrow

2NITE – tonight

AAMCF – as a matter of fact

AEAP – as early as possible

AFAIK – as far as I know

AFK – away from keyboard

ALAS – as late as possible

ASAP – as soon as possible

ASL – age/sex/location

B/C – because

B3 – Blah, Blah, Blah

B4YKI – before you know it

BFF – best friends forever

BM&Y – between me and you

BRT – be right there

BRB – be right back

BTT – back to topic

BTW – by the way

C+P – copy and paste

CTN – cannot talk now

CU – see you

CUS – see you soon

CWOT – complete waste of time

CYT – see you tomorrow

DIY – do it yourself

E123 – easy as 1, 2, 3

EM – excuse me?

EOD – end of day

F2F – face to face

FAQ – frequently asked question

FOAF – friend of a friend

FTW – for the win 

FYEO – for your ears only

GKAL – grandkids are listening

GPAW – grandparents are watching

HAK – hugs and kisses

HF – have fun

IDC – I don’t care

IDK – I don’t know

ILU – I love you

IMHO – in my humble opinion

KAH – kids are here

KAL – kids are listening

LMAO – laughing my ass off

LOL – laughing out loud

MMMD –

MMW – mark my words

N/A – not applicable

NNTR – no need to reply

NOYB – none of your business

OMG – oh my g-d

OMW – on my way

OT – off topic

OTL – out to lunch

OTP – on the phone

P911 – parental alert

PAL – parents are listening

PAW – parents are watching

PIR – parent in room

POS – parent over shoulder

POV – point of view

PYB – preserve your bloom

RN – right now

ROTFL – rolling on the floor laughing 

SCNR – sorry could not resist

SEP – someone else’s problem

SFLR – sorry for late reply

SITD – still in the dark

SLAP – sounds like a plan

SO – significant other

TBC – to be continued

TCOYS – take care of yourself

TGIF – thank goodness it’s Friday

TIA – thanks in advance

TMI – too much info

TTYL – talk to you later

TYVM – thank you very much

WFM – works for me

WTF – what the fu-k

WYCM – will you call me?

WYWH – wish you were here

XOXO – kisses and hugs

Parting message for the week:

FYEO, HF. TCOY. PYB.

Iris Ruth Pastor