Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 32

Want a few surprises? Ask your buddies to recommend a great book.

What’s your reading routine?

I tend to be an episodic reader. I either don’t read at all or whiz from the title page to the last page with as few distractions as possible in between – losing or missing nuances and subtleties along the way.

One of my “besties” approaches reading in an entirely different way: she reads a page and wonders how someone could choose the words they did to convey such amazing thoughts, ideas and such beauty. She treats herself each day to a few minutes with a book she has put in her library that she loves – reading just a few passages or pages. “It puts me back in the book,” she observes. “And, of course, every time we read something, we read it from who we are at that moment, which can change its meaning in many ways.”

And when discussing books? How about me and my two writing buddies, Lisbeth and Paula, plus six margaritas between us? That discussion got very lively.

No matter what your choice of genre, specific book, or reading practice is, my long-time friend Dan’s comment on his choice of favorite tome sums it all up: “I keep changing my mind, but all these good ones make me remember how great it felt reading them and the sadness when I finished.”

That’s okay, Dan, because there’s plenty more! As promised last week, here are top books selected by a wide range of my social circle with a few insightful comments sprinkled in:

A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Deckle Edge

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Bel Canto – by Ann Patchett

Born a Crime – by Trevor Noah – riveting – being made into a film

Bronze Horseman (a trilogy) – by Paulina Simons

Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators

by Ronan Farrow – Women still are not safe in our society.

Constantine’s Sword: The Church and the Jews – by James Carroll – Written by a former priest, it’s about the relationship between the Catholic Church and the Jews over the centuries, contrasted with his own experience. I learned a lot of history and was reminded that everyone has roots even if those roots have been forgotten by most.

Dean and Me (A Love Story) by Jerry Lewis

Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover

Empty Mansions: The Mysterious Life of  Huguette Clark and the Spending of a Great American Fortune by Bill Dedman  – Takes place at the turn of the 19th to 20th century – centers around her huge art collection

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

Five Smooth Stones by Ann Fairbairn

Fleishman Is in Trouble – by Taffy Brodesser – Glad I survived my forties

Hawaii by James A. Michener – How descriptive great writing can be, along with the history of Hawaii, of course!

Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly

Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love by Dani Shapiro

Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game by Michael Lewis

Somewhere Between Luck and Trust – by Emilie Richards – The story hooked me….part romance, part mystery, part life not working as expected. Normally, I love mindless romance. No brain power required!

Status Anxiety by Alain De Botton – Author attempts to reconcile the general decline in happiness and fulfillment in humans with decline of the hierarchical structures. People have struggled to find their place and purpose and this has resulted in a kind of “status anxiety” that plays out in fascinatingly different ways. 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho – Realizing one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation

The Art of the Personal Essay – An Anthology from the Classical Era to the Present by Phillip Lopate

The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics by Daniel James Brown – A great story about teamwork…strategy… and how good we have it now. Couldn’t put it down.

The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim DeFede – Loved the show of humanity amidst the inhumanity

The Extraordinary Life of Sam Hell by Robert Dugoni

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t take anything personally, always do your best

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

The Haj by Leon Uris  – Only for a history buff

The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Placco – wonderful for kids too…mine is falling apart! 

The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff – World War 2 story of women undercover agents. Reflects how war can bring out both the best in people and the worst.  

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo – Devotion and love cannot be separated by time

The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah  – Our spirit and strength can endure tragedy and rise above it to carry on 

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant – Biblical history story showing the power women have and how to use it. 

The Shadow of the Wind by Carolos Ruiz Zafon – Writing is lyrical. The story grabs from the get-go. The mysteries keep piling up and deepening. The kind of book you want to read more than once. Read it two years ago and haven’t stopped talking it up since. 

The Storyteller’s Secret by Sejal Badani – Beach book and great couch potato lit as well!

The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell

The Tools by a renown psychiatrist from New York – gives specific tools to deal with facing life head on and keeping you moving forward

The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements by Eric Hoffer – Published in 1951, this classic social psychology work is as relevant today as it was then. It’s a study of extremist movements and the characteristic of those who follow them. Hoffer explains the similarities among believers on all sides of the political spectrum. Merits a couple of hours of conversation – a life-changing book

The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard by Kristin Schell  – The librarians at Port Tampa Library were so inspired by this book they put a turquoise table in the side yard for library patrons to enjoy.

The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish

This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger – Native American babies were taken from their families and raised in homes where they were denied and “cleansed” of their culture. Beautifully written.

Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents by Jane Isay

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens – a very popular choice

Will by G. Gordon Liddy – Perseverance in the face of adversity.

Thanks to all the men and women who have traveled along with me on this journey called “life” and so generously shared their thoughts and wisdom time and time again. You surprise me with your choices, energize me with your feedback and sustain me when I’m wilting and fading.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

I had a bad day…

Recently I “hit the wall.” Not physically. But emotionally and mentally. I was exhausted from traveling, speaking, and incessant blogging. Unmotivated due to constantly being “ON,” total veg-out time was sorely needed.

I plopped down on my comfy couch in my loft and for the entire afternoon read Winter in Paradise by Elin Hilderbrand – an addictive novel – a beach book – that I thoroughly enjoyed and felt utterly decadent for devouring almost in one sitting.

I ruminated while page turning – mostly about the huge number of fans overflowing the author’s reading area in a bookstore I had recently visited. Why were over 100 women eagerly awaiting two authors’ arrivals on a random weekday night? Because co-authors Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings – also best buddies – were about to appear. Who are they? New York Times, USA Today and international best-selling American authors of contemporary romance novels. Fifteen best sellers to date. Pen name: Christina Lauren.

“Seriously?” I asked myself. “Romance novels? Grown women? Reading for escape, rejuvenation and pure pleasure. Geez.”

Epiphany: What in the heck is wrong with that? 

So I proceeded to ask my friends probing questions on their reading choices and reading routines.

Responses:

I like saga books about history. I have to be in the mood to read – when my mind is relaxed. If it is a good book, I know from the beginning.

I typically find books via recommendation from friends and of course, my book clubs. I read if I get up at an ungodly time in the morning and on vacation. I always have a mission to finish a book! 

I am an eclectic reader… best sellers… fiction – especially historical fiction – non-fiction, bios, autobiography, histories, politics, mysteries – always been a reader.

I like to read some chick lit now and then and occasionally a mystery. Finding time is hard – love to read on planes and mostly at night before bed.

I have been trying to read for an hour before I make dinner but am having a hard time sticking to this plan – too easily distracted in my house.

I get book suggestions daily from Penguin Random House, as well as the site PureWow and articles in Vogue and sometimes InStyle, and the library when I am reserving another book.

Nothing more fun than starting a new book and immediately being enthralled. I should take more time during the day to read but always feel guilty – I could be cleaning, instead, or doing the laundry.

Totally non-fiction. I don’t often have to make time to read because books are the constant companions of my bed and I love to read there.

I have been known to flip a page at a red light – hey, it’s better than texting.

Often I want to read about a certain subject and shop books about that topic – using Google too.

I alternate reading a “hard” book with reading an “easy” book and I read with ear pods while my husband is watching sports. I also listen to the book I am reading on Audible in my car.

Thank you to my many friends who responded to my post on reading.

Next week: Top books suggested by my buddies.

Spoiler alert: Very few beach books made the cut. However, if, dear reader, you DO have a favorite beach book, please send me the title and author at irisruthpastor@gmail.com

Happy vegging out with a book – whatever the genre.

And Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Snickers or Reece’s Cup? Or maybe Baby Ruth?

Last night: Halloween. Doorbells chiming. Ghosts and goblins hanging out on front porches. Lots of candy ready for dropping into orange plastic bags.

I cheerfully instructed each visiting clown, ballerina, scary critter and princess to pick two pieces of candy. Most popular choices: Reese’s Cups and Snickers.

No matter what candy they chose, one thing was for sure: when they bit into their Snickers bar, they expected it to taste like a Snickers bar and when they bit into the chocolate-coated Reece’s Cup, they expected the inside to be filled with peanut butter.

My point: when you consistently make the same choice of candy bar, you will consistently get the same product. Taken even further – when you constantly choose the same reaction to a situation, you will constantly get the same outcome. If you want a different outcome, you need to make a different choice.

As we glide into mid-life and beyond – whether kicking and screaming or serenely and welcoming – we are all confronted with choices and how we choose directly affects the quality of our lives and the degree of insanity we afflict on ourselves. As my son Harry often reminds me: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

And who wants to be insane?

When we are faced with changing the way we have always done something, we can continue to do it the tried and true way and be regularly frustrated. Or, we can look at the situation in a fresh way – as an opportunity to find creative and innovative means to overcome the obstacles or roadblocks in our path.

Your balance is off? Lower your heels.

Your circles under your eyes are deepening? Coupled with searching for products and surgical and non-surgical techniques to puff out those pouches, try darkening and filling in your eyebrows to focus above your lid, not below it. Or, just wear your reading glasses more, as my friend Nancy suggested.

Boobs getting larger and hanging lower? My fashion savvy friend Lynne suggests getting fitted for a new bra annually. Lift those “sisters” not only to look slimmer on top, but so that your blouses and shirts will be more flattering.

Knee buckling when going down your stairs at home? Banish the habit of using both hands to carry laundry and toiletries.Try holding onto the bannister. If that doesn’t work, sling a bag filled with your stuff over your shoulder and walk down those stairs with BOTH hands supporting your body – one on the bannister and one pressing the wall.

Many times we have little control over events and imposed situations. Viewing a challenge or roadblock as an opportunity to grow, expand and improve hones our adaptability quotient. It allows us to cope creatively with new circumstances and limitations. If the way we have always done it doesn’t work, we try a new way.

Just try stuff – don’t box yourself in.

Adapt to changing circumstances fosters a feeling of mastery and a semblance of control – it’s a confidence building tool that will help us navigate uncharted terrain – like the “joys” of aging.

Hmmm – haven’t had a Baby Ruth in a long time. The package of malted milk balls? Looks utterly divine. And can’t wait to try the Three Musketeer bars next.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

The Expected and the Unexpected

Ten days ago I gave a keynote speech in Indianapolis in front of a large group of women who had no idea who I was. The organizer of the all-day event booked me on the basis of a hunch after reading one of my blogs.

I spoke. As I hoped – and expected – the audience engaged with me immediately and listened attentively throughout. I left the venue feeling like I had made a few new friends and opened up fresh ways of thinking about mid-life’s joys and challenges.

One week later, I spoke in front of an entirely different group. Same topic. Same demographic. Almost the same speech. The difference? I was in my hometown – in front of many people – who knew me before boobs and braces. And the majority had been reading my column for years. Enveloped in a cocoon of warmth, I was satisfied with the evening’s favorable outcome. It too was expected.

It was what happened BETWEEN those two events that shook me to the core.

I left Indianapolis at 5pm on a beautiful autumn afternoon. ETA in Cincinnati was 7:15pm according to my GPS – even with anticipated short intervals of congestion due to construction on the interstate.

What I didn’t expect? A massive semi tumbling over on its side – blocking all three lanes of eastbound traffic ten miles ahead. Cars and trucks came to a complete standstill for over an hour.

I congratulated myself on having not stopped for coffee before cruising onto the entrance ramp – thus alleviating a full bladder. I congratulated myself for having a fully charged phone beside me, a container of homemade granola mix – thoughtfully provided by the host of the women’s one day event – in my lap. And for having the foresight to gas up to capacity immediately after packing up my luggage and speech props.

So I was feeling pretty prepared for a delayed arrival back in Cincinnati – until, that is, I noticed the truck in the right lane just ahead of me.

I inched forward to get a closer look.

The contents of that huge truck remained beside me for the entire time I was trapped in that massive traffic tie-up on I-74.

I saw those tiny cubicles. I witnessed the chickens’ confinement. I studied their limited movement. I realized though my destination was a warm bed and welcoming relatives, I knew that was not what awaited them. Each chicken had one and only one destination. And that was death.

Rationally, I knew when I bit into a chicken keg, I was eating the leg of an animal. Rationally, I knew when my husband grilled skinless chicken breasts on the grill, that the white meat didn’t grow on a tree. Rationally, I knew when my children devoured plate after plate of chicken wings as teenagers they weren’t eating tofu.

Sure I had seen documentaries about our need to move to a more plant based diet to aid in reducing our carbon footprint. Sure I had heard nutritionists and doctors pushing a diet filled with whole grains, fruits, and vegetables for optimal health. Sure I had tons of friends extolling the virtues of a vegan or vegetarian regimen.

Whether pieces of them would end up as Chicken McNuggets or in a basket of fried chicken at a family picnic, looking at those chickens for sixty minutes – cooped up in cages – was a mind-altering event.

I’m not saying I’ll never eat chicken again, but if and when I do, it will never again be as pleasurable, as tasteful nor as mindlessly enjoyable.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

You know what I simply love?

You know what I simply love? Collecting odd bits of wisdom and meeting creative people who do things either better or more passionately than the rest of us. Add connecting. Always connecting.

And what better place to exercise the love of meeting exceptionally talented and focused people than in the New York City area?

Recently I’ve just spent twelve days in that endlessly fascinating metropolis. I didn’t see one Broadway show, set foot in one museum nor enter one designer showroom. But I did meet three extraordinary women: one meeting was pre-arranged. Two were totally random occurrences.

Lesley Schiff – a classically trained artist hailing from Chicago – has a unique way of portraying her artistic talents: through means of using color laser printers to create images. Her work hangs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Whitney Museum of Art. And she currently is looking for a corporate sponsor for her portfolio of work featuring the iconic Bob Dylan.

Her website: LesleySchiff.com

Here’s Lesley in her Upper East Side studio – connecting technology with artistic endeavor:

And here is one of her creations. Can you guess what it is?

Later in the day, I visited a local Brooklyn bookstore for tot story time. Both the author, Frieda Wishinsky, and the illustrator, Natalie Nelson, of How Emily Saved the Bridge were there – telling the spellbinding story of Emily Warren Roebling and the building of the suspension bridge connecting Brooklyn to Manhattan in 1869. My two-year-old grandson was oblivious to the details of the dramatic tale, but days later I causally mentioned the book to one of my granddaughters and got an unexpected response: “Nana, I know all about that story. My teacher read it to us last spring. And to show the bridge was safe after rumors that it wasn’t, P.T. Barnum led 21 elephants across the bridge – proving it was safe!”

Kudos to Wishinsky and Nelson for connecting storytelling with history in such a provocative and upbeat narrative.

The very next day I met a young Israeli woman as I wandered the booths of a eclectic neighborhood arts fair deep in Brooklyn who has made the United States home for over 17 years. She is a multi-disciplinary artist who paints, illustrates, curates, installs and also dabbles in the art of tattooing. The most surprising thing about Libat Ohayon? The tattoo on her forearm she put on HERSELF!. Her works are mystical and spiritual, melding the influence of Israeli and Moroccan influences.

Below is one of her many pieces featuring Hamsas:



(A hamsa is a Middle Eastern amulet recognized and used as a sign of protection.)

Her website:

https://pocketartdesign.com/

What did these four women have in common? They had a spark, a lust for life, a belief that small creative actions benefit the world and the world will smile back.

I left all four lighter of heart, with a strong sense of hope. Why? Because connecting with these people showed me how others keep the fires of creativity burning. They value their inherent talents and generously, tirelessly and passionately share their gifts with the world.

I’ve also got six fascinating little people – my grandchildren – in the New York City area – also quite a magnet of joy and inspiration. Below is the youngest little tyke (on the left) walking with a friend. He’s learned the power of connecting too.

Ignite your own flame, keep it burning and forge connections – while also Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor 

Upbeat in Spite of It All

I’m Jewish so I’ve just spent the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur mired in existential exploration reckoning with my faults and foibles and misdeeds.

It’s always quite enlightening to actually make a written record of character flaws to work on during the coming Jewish new year. Much more effective than just fleetingly berating myself for a nasty behavior or thought – and then carelessly batting it away as you would a pesky fly.

So here’s a PARTIAL list of my foibles and failings:

I’m selectively kind

Inwardly judgmental

Easily distracted

A much better starter than finisher

And still embracing the impostor syndrome – you know- the mindset that if people REALLY knew the REAL you, they’d be appalled.

On the other hand, even though I’m innately illogical and more often than not miss the obvious, my curiosity and zest for life remains ever present.

Thus I am always ridiculously optimistic when I embark on yet another round of self-improvement maneuvers.

So here is my current, most updated personal manifesto:

I will employ hope, without unrealistic expectation.

I will listen, without interrupting.

I will show kindness, without judgment.

I will recognize that creativity is chaotic and the to-do list never ends.

I will reserve the right to adapt, modify and change.

I will diligently practice the art of gratitude, freeing me from the destructive mindset of entitlement.

I will keep peeling the onion further and further down to relevant specifics, thus keeping me focused and balanced.

I will live life fully in the moment—even the unpleasant, annoying and challenging ones.

I will continue to believe that self-care is healthy; a necessity; a divine responsibility; and a sign of self-respect, not self-indulgence.

I will internalize what best-selling author Eleanor Brown says: “You Can’t Serve From An Empty Vessel.”

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Unearth Your Hidden Powers!

Today I want to talk about what it takes to live life at full throttle – to be empowered to live your life differently if there is something holding you back from living the life you crave.

I’m a story teller. But there was one story I never told: my forty-six year-long saga of battling bulimia – of bingeing and purging daily. Until, that is, I published my book: The Secret Life of a Weight Obsessed Woman.

The Secret Life of a Weight Obsessed Woman is a blow by blow account of what it feels like to harbor a shameful secret. And have your heart, hands and head controlled by urges you are powerless to suppress.

My lover ED – as in Eating Disorder – occupied the sum total of my body parts.

What was life with ED like? A bowl of caramels sitting innocently on a coffee table unhinged me. Food buffets unleashed my monstrous compulsion to devour everything in sight. And violent nightly purging relieved me of all those unwanted, repulsive calories doomed to pack on the pounds.

ED and I were passionately in love for 46 years – until I realized I had two distinct choices: eject ED’s power or die in a pool of my own vomit. It was a tough choice.

Shedding my secret life with ED opened the floodgates – prompting others to come forward.

Dear Iris,

I am a 46 year-old bulimic woman who has been struggling with ED since Iwas 17! I am a professional, I am a wife and I am a mother and yet I cannot seem to beat this dreaded curse. You have no idea how brilliant your book is and what a comfort it was for me to read it…Perhaps there is a glimmer of hope after all…

Dear Iris,

Though this is the first you’ve heard my voice, yours has been echoed into my heart for some time now as my hilarious sister, my loving mother, my chummiest friend, and my most patient teacher.  I am 36 years old, a happy wife, a mother of 4 wildly beautiful children, and thanks to YOU, in a slow, but slugging & sweet recovery from 9 years of bulimia.  My husband, Luke, discovered your book …and it was through it that I both latched onto professional help that I could not do without AND unearthed my hobby, passion, & brilliant talent in the art of puttering. This is my thank you for your encouraging, challenging, & changing me…

Belong to a book club? Want a provocative book that tackles the tough issues of an addiction? The harrowing paralysis of harboring a secret? The fear of revealing that secret to your kids husband and your mother? The longing to break free of the incessant urge to binge and purge nightly? To begin to use food as fuel for your body, not your soul? To control your own remote?

Email me at irisruthpastor@gmail.com  for further details on how The Secret Life of a Weight Obsessed Woman can be your book club’s next choice.

In the meantime, keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Irris Ruth Pastor

Where’s Julie Andrews when you need her?

I was looking through my “Joke Folder” in my computer. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like years ago, when e mail was more of a novelty than an everyday nuisance, people utilized this tech tool to send jokes.

Nowadays I receive tons of E-mails bearing “enticing” subject lines:

The Moment You’ve Been Waiting For
Tick Tock – Last Day to Get 20% of Your Entire Purchase
Warm Up With Cozy Fall Flavor & Enjoy Free Shipping
Cost Factors to Consider
Coveting Louis Vuitton?

All are enticing me to make, buy, try, see and implement. None are enticing me to laugh.

I’m in a jokerless funk. No witticisms, clever ditties or catchy comics arrive in my inbox – except, of course, humorous observations centered on the absurdity of today’s political climate. Those are rampant. Hopefully, they are providing a safe outlet for bottled-up rage and aggressive hostility –a healthy escape from real-time toxicity. But for me – all those partisan jests and wise-cracks are simply increasing my “consternation fatigue.”

Research proves laughter can provide many physiological and beneficial impacts on our bodies, our ability to fight off disease and to reduce stress through the increased production of the hormone cortisol.

People like to laugh and people like to hear other people laugh. Making someone laugh is empowering, sparks connection and enhances camaraderie. Who knows? It may even decrease our use of drinkable therapy and pill popping by diminishing some of our surface depression and promoting resilience.

Victor Borge once said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” I believe that when people share a laugh, connection and rapport are enhanced and the social, economic and cultural gaps are decreased. Barriers are broken down. People relax. New ideas and energy pour forth. The group solidifies.

Years ago, to commemorate her 69th birthday, actress/ vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of AARP.

One of the musical numbers she performed was based on “My Favorite Things” from the legendary movie “Sound Of  Music.”

Here are the lyrics she recited:

“Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,

When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,

And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,

When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I’ve had,

And then I don’t feel so bad.”

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.

Keep Preserving Your bloom and PLEASE send me some jokes,

Iris Ruth Pastor

 

Sophie’s Choice

In 2004, years before the 2008 Global Financial Crisis, I wrote a column on the subject of Affluenza. Affluenza is simply defined as the sickness of having too much – of acquiring possessions as an end in itself without the ability and time to enjoy, experience and appreciate each and every one.

Affluenza causes an over inflated sense of entitlement, a de-sensitizing to small material pleasures, a diminished perception of gratitude, a mistaken notion that the bearer will always be similarly “afflicted,” and an inability to be sated.

Paradoxically, the more we acquire, the emptier we feel.

I had no grandchildren back then. Now I am blessed with three grandsons and three granddaughters and one more little one on the way. I admit, I do worry – like we all do – about their safety, their futures and the world they will be inheriting as adults. My oldest grandson told me school shooter drills are common place at his school. Students practice how to react if a gun-wielding intruder breaks-in – no matter where they are at their school: the classroom, the playground, the lunchroom, the hall, the restroom.

On the other hand, my grandchildren all have loving, involved parents, stable homes and a lifestyle free from worry over where their next meal is coming from and if they will have a roof over their heads next month. For this I am thankful. And worried too.

I worry at times that perhaps they don’t quite understand that not everyone in the world, in our country, in our cities and in our immediate neighborhood are quite so fortunate. I needn’t have worried so much.

My oldest granddaughter is having her Bat Mitzvah in January. A Bat Mitzvah is a Jewish coming-of-age ritual celebrated after a girl’s 12th or 13th birthday. This rite of passage signifies that the child is now a full-fledged member of the Jewish community and holds a moral responsibility for her own actions. (No more parental blaming, Ha Ha!)

One of the basic tenets of Judaism is Tikkun Olam – repairing the world – which in a broader context also encompasses performing deeds of loving kindness.

For her Bat Mitzvah project, my granddaughter chose to help out a charity called Catherine’s Closet.

Catherine was an honor student and valedictorian of her class at Clifford Scott High School in East Orange, New Jersey. She was aspiring to be a doctor. A 14 year-old in a stolen vehicle rammed into the car driven by Courtney, Catherine’s twin sister, killing Catherine. She was buried in her prom dress.

Catherine’s Closet collects new and/or gently worn casual and dressy dresses for teenagers and women of all ages. Catherine’s Closet then sorts them by size, age and style and hosts a gigantic sale. Each dress is $10 and proceeds go to funding scholarships to further young girls’ educations.

Here’s what Sophie has to say:

http://irisruthpastor.com/wp-content/...

If you’d like to contribute dresses/gowns to Catherine’s Closet through Sophie’s Bat Mitzvah project, please e mail me at irisruthpastor@gmail.com and I will make arrangements for the dresses  to be delivered to Sophie’s home.

In this toxic, highly fragmented, inflammatory climate, it’s nice to know that kids, parents and their communities give more than lip service to the importance of good deeds.

Thank you all in advance for any dresses and gowns you donate to Catherine’s Closet. Sophie thanks you too.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Funking it Up!

Many, many years ago I wrote a column on moving into a new house. Here’s a portion:

When Did This House Become Home?

Did it happen the day before we moved in, when I carefully hung the boys’ dress shirts in their new closets?  Or the first night we all slept here – camped out in sleeping bags because the beds weren’t put together?

Perhaps it happened around the time Steven got angry with me for piling dirty wash on the front stairs? Or maybe it started the Sunday afternoon we all sat out on the deck and laughed at Sam’s new “buzz” haircut? Or the night Frank proudly carried the “most improved player” trophy he had won through the front door?

Maybe it happened the day we all pitched in and mulched the shrubs? Or the first time of many times that Max angrily slammed his bedroom door shut after being told “No”? 

Could it have been the first night Harry came home from Gettysburg College and all five of our children sat around our table for a Friday night dinner? Or maybe it happened when the bus dropped off Louie after kindergarten one day and he ran in, slammed the door and yelled, “Hi Mom, I’m home.”

Come to think of it, I’m not really sure when it happened. I just know it did.

We sold that house many years ago. There’s a lot less laundry to do these days – two people vs a mob of soccer/baseball/basketball sports-addicted kids. Buzz cuts? Maybe the grandkids’ style of choice. Our sons are more likely lamenting loss of hair, not length of their locks. The trophies are packed away and our shrubs are mulched by a landscaping service. Our front door no longer barrels open by tired and hungry kiddos weighted down by backpacks at 3pm. No teenagers are around to slam doors, though I’ve been known on occasion to slam a door or two. And most dinners? Just my husband and me.

Based on the above, is our house “a home”?

It’s 9pm. In the midst of packing for a trip, I’m furiously pulling dresses out of the spare bedroom closet wondering how each one of them could have shrunk since the last wearing. My cell phone rings, interrupting my intense scrutiny of why the spandex I’ve just exhaustingly wriggled into is creating more bulges than smooth lines.

“Mom, for work tomorrow I need the most embarrassing picture from my teenage years. You know ‘the one.’ Can you snap a picture of it and text it to me?”

“Yep,” I answer knowingly. “I’m on it.”

I peel off the spandex – relieved that I can finally breathe again – and start rummaging through my picture stash. No easy feat –  most are packed away in boxes on high shelves in the garage or stacked in uneven layers under every bed in the house.

An hour later, I find it. Snap a picture of the picture. And text it to him.

Early in the morning while assembling our luggage in the front hall, I glance into our very staid, formal, seldom-used dining room. Hmmmm.

Aha! An opportunity for creative embellishment…what an unlikely place for a framed newspaper article of my teenage son, Louie, winning an Elvis look-alike contest.

I carefully place the photo beside my grandmother’s silver candelabras and atop my husband’s grandmother’s antique mahogany buffet.

It funked-up my very staid, formal dining room – though some would exchange the “n” for a “c”

My take: the definition of “Home” is where you can funk-up any room you wish.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor