Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 31

The Beauty of FAQ

Thanksgiving fell on November 28 – pretty late this year. The outcome: not only six less days to squeeze in holiday shopping, but six less days for organizing and executing in-home parties and hosting get-togethers.

We can’t speed-up Amazon deliveries even though ordering extra early helps. But we can streamline our entertaining routines. Below is a brilliant idea from my son and his wife – utilized the Saturday following  Gobble Day – when they annually host a football bash for 70 people centered around the OSU vs MICHIGAN game.

Their secret? A FAQ e mail sent out shortly before the party.

I’ve modified it a bit but the cleverness of this user guide is theirs.

Q: What time does party start?

A: Please come any time after 11:00 am.

Q: What time does game start?

A: Noon.

Q: Where do I park?

A: Please park on side of driveway on the left side on grass or at top of driveway to the left in flat area. This is so food truck can come down driveway and park at bottom.

Q: What time does food truck arrive?

A: 1:00 pm.

Q: Where do I enter?

A: Use front door or go to back patio. Can’t miss it.

Q: Where can I get a drink?

A: At the bar in the dining room. Help yourself to any age- appropriate beverage you wish.

Q: Where can I get water?

A: The sink at the bar produces filtered ionized water for human consumption (similar to Smart Water).

Q: Where can I get ice?

A: At the bar in the dining room to your lower left is an ice maker. Open it up and there is plenty of ice.

Q: What is the spread?

A: OSU -9.5

Q: What is the over/under?

A: 50.5.

Q: What should I wear?

A: Scarlet, grey or black.

Q: What is a Wolverine?

A. A douche bag.

Q: What time does it end?

A: If Buckeyes win, there is no end.

Well, it’s pretty clear we are Buckeye fans and the party did last into the wee hours, because OSU was once again victorious.

But you know mothers – as the days flew by, I kept thinking about my son’s list. And having a lot of past practice on improving, expanding and/or modifying my children’s works of genius, I came up with a few of my own FAQs. So here’s a few more suggestions on holiday hosting to add to your FAQ e-mail:

Q: What should I do if I spill my wine?

A: Clean-up stations are set up in a few strategic places in case a nasty spill occurs. Each basket has a box of salt, Wine Away (red wine stain remover), club soda, and a couple of rags. Clean away.

Q: Where should I put my coat?

A: The closet in the front hall is for your coats and filled with empty coat hangers.

Q: What should I bring?

A:  Check with my wife

One final discreet warning from a watchful mom before welcoming guests into your home:

Check your medicine cabinets.

Remove any personal items you wouldn’t want your guests to see. 

Happy Partying,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Release your Imaginative, Ingenious and Innovative Side.

Thanksgiving bingeing is over. Shopping is upon us. Oh boy. More stress.

Many people have particular foods that they habitually make during the holiday season. My mother made white chocolate covered Rice Chex, which she packaged in small bags and gave as a take-home gift to each family member.

Here’s the Recipe:

White Chocolate Covered Rice Chex:

     I box (1 lb.) Rice Chex cereal

2 pkgs. (1 Lb. each) white chocolate

Melt half of chocolate and pour over half of cereal in a large bowl. Mix with a spoon and shake bowl until the cereal is well coated.

Set aside to cool. Stir periodically to keep cereal from clumping.

Repeat melting and coating process with remaining half of cereal and white chocolate.

Cool completely. Store in plastic bags. Can be frozen.

Too daunting? Here’s a few ideas for those of us who are culinary challenged:

Go to the liquor store and stock up. And utilize the employee’s knowledge. It’s deep and detailed. Here’s our recent holiday stash.

Capture those special, spontaneous moments for posterity. Gently prod each family member to keep their cell phone and camera ready to snap away. Then, grab the most tech savvy relative and cajole him or her into making an online collage and e mailing to all when completed.

Plan an outing or an activity during the holiday season.  My neighbor arranged for a palmist to come and read each family member’s palm. How about Tarot card reading, handwriting analysis, or astrology charts? One friend organized a bowling outing and provided vintage bowling shirts to each family member to wear.

Start early. A college roommate of mine keeps a “Thankfulness” folder and all year collects quotes that have stirred her. Instead of a holiday letter, she compiles all of them into a small notebook, which she tucks inside a mason jar and passes out to each family member on her list. Her goal: to inspire and connect. And instill transparency. (Glass jar in case you missed that point.)

Visit art fairs, street markets, and owner-operated neighborhood boutiques and buy from local crafts people. I bought a half dozen Hamsa prints all denoting different values to bless a home.

Be ever on alert for gift buying ideas. 

    I caught the tail end of an NPR segment on “Pandemic Legacy” – a cutting-edge game for age 13 and above. Want to engender world awareness and global responsibility and stimulate your brain cells at the same time? This game will do it. Players must band together to save the world. Actions taken in one game will affect all future games and determine whether you can save humanity.

Delia Ephron, sister to the late Nora Ephron, was the featured guest a few years back on “CBS in the Morning.” She talked about picking up her 8 year-old nephew from the airport and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Take me to the baseball card store, Aunt Delia.” A demand. And not a subtle one. Ephron was appalled and began that day in the car to write a question and answer etiquette book for kids – to teach and instill kind, respectful and decent behavior.  Do I Have to Say A Hello? deals with sticky questions such as “What happens when I get a present I don’t like?” BTW, not a bad stocking stuffer for adults too.

My opinion? The best gift is PRESENCE: Simply being together – with whoever loves you and you love back.

And keeping in mind the following recipe for joy in the holiday season: GIVE DYSFUNCTION ZERO OXYGEN.

Happy holidays to all and to all a good night.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

PS: What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Messy Swampland!

Six Months Prior:

I’m trying something utterly new and foreign. I’ve hired two female playwrights based in Los Angeles to transform my book, The Secret Life of a Weight Obsessed Woman, into a play. This endeavor is about as comforting as trampling through a snake-infested swampland.

I’m finding the whole process – the contract negotiations and the expectations of our roles and the proposed outcome – to be somewhat:

Unfamiliar

Muddled

Chaotic

Tumultuous

Unruly

and Confusing

Five Months Prior:

Much to their chagrin and my stubbornness, it‘s a rocky collaborative beginning. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but still feel – because it’s my original work – I know best how to adapt my book into a play.

At first the playwrights are patient. Diplomatic. Supportive. But soon they begin pushing back. Determined. Steadfast in their beliefs. Re-assuring me that under their tutelage, my play is thriving. My faulty assumptions are upended.

Four Months Prior:

Revelation: A book is finite. Once it’s printed, it’s not fluid, easily changed, reviewed and revised – unless you publish a whole other version or later edition.

A play is entirely different. Re-writes occur regularly. Probably at their wits’ end, the playwrights send me a copy of Neil Simon’s memoir: Rewrites. And “suggest” I read it. I do. It alters my attitude.

Conversational dialogue to my untrained ear sounds trite and leaden. They calm me. “That’s how real people talk. A scene may not read well, but it will play well.”

My perspective slowly changes. Neil Simon says, “It’s what happens to the characters in the story that pushes the play forward.”

Three Months Prior: 

Throughout this process, I’ve been proven wrong again and again and again. They think the script is strong – I think not.

My sister – who has an acting background – reiterates, “You are a writer, not a playwright. Conversations come alive through the actor’s skill with movement, tone, facial expression and the reactions of the other characters. For G-d sakes, let these poor women do their jobs!”

I still worry. Will the audience laugh in the right places?

Will the audience like my characters – even when they are behaving badly, expose their flaws, mess-up – say and do unwise, impudent things?

Two Months Prior:

The re-writes are done.

The cast is assembled and sent the scripts, along with my background information and book.

I’m still wondering: Will the audience care? Be involved? Become invested in my journey to be the best version of myself? And will they see somewhere in my flawed psyche, a person fighting with her own demons much like they themselves are waging battle with theirs?

One Month Prior:

The first staged reading is scheduled in Los Angeles, in a small theater which can hold forty-eight people on December 14th at 6pm. The theatre is so small that the actors don’t need mics. There are minimal props. No costumes. Hand-held scripts. One rehearsal beforehand.

Ah, and the audience – the audience is composed of producers and investors, friends and family I know from the LA area and some professionals who work in the eating disorder field.

A glimmer of hope breaks through my layers of doubt.

Maybe the playwrights are right and together we’ve managed to put together a damn good first reading.

As Neil Simon says: “The good things take care of themselves. It’s the bad parts that’ll do you in.” And the bad parts can be fixed. The more live performances, the more we’ll get a shot at improving it.

Fifteen Days Until Showtime:

That night, the audience is going to filter in, sit down, glance at the one-page program, wait for the lights to dim and the first character to appear. Escape will be impossible. So I’ll hold tight to my husband’s hand and squeeze it with all the strength I have. And pray that the audience – each in their own way – will identify with my struggle, root for my healing, like the characters, and laugh at the jokes. I hope each one will go home feeling not only entertained, but also inspired and ready to spread the word.

And I hope on the feedback form my audience will tell me exactly what’s wrong so we can go home and begin re-writing once again.

Heres the playwrights Debra and Lee happily under the influence of a little bit wine. Probably because I made them so crazy. 

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Preventing A Thanksgiving Melt-down

I don’t excel in the kitchen. No magnificently stuffed, basted and roasted turkey will ever emerge from my seldom-used oven to my gleaming Lenox serving platter – unless someone else makes it.

I must confess: I am more interested in what goes on around the table rather than what dishes get placed on the table.

So here are some suggestions for a memorable, enjoyable and richly textured Thanksgiving experience:

Cultivate a Thanksgiving frame of mind.

Compose a handwritten note of thanks to a few people who have extended to you the gift of kindness in the past year.

   “Fill your car with frozen turkeys and cart them down to a local food bank to be distributed,” suggests my friend Joyce. “I do this a couple of days before Thanksgiving. And I stuff boxes there as well. I feel good and it enables the family receiving the food able to celebrate Thanksgiving too.”

Once around the table:

   Recall: One of my more outrageous friends, whose identity will remain hidden, boldly suggests sitting around the table and recalling “Disasters of Thanksgivings Past.” With a twinkle in her eye, she cautions me that only those with a well-endowed sense of humor and tolerant of some good-natured ribbing should attempt this. Grandma burning the turkey to a crisp.  Or Willy and his wild sons knocking over the entire Thanksgiving dessert table while tossing a Nerf football over it.

   Divert: “My family fights over everything,” another friend who will remain nameless, admits. “We always need diversion to prevent arguments from flaring up. Because we don’t get together over the December holiday season, we make a practice of exchanging gifts at the Thanksgiving table. The person in charge for that year passes out one name to each person a week before Thanksgiving. That person buys a book for the person whose name he received, based on their interests. He wraps it and presents it to the person, along with an explanation of why he picked that particular book for him. It’s fun and prevents much dreaded smoldering family resentments to inflame – at least until the meal is over.”

Not Nostalgia: “Take a group picture before the food courses commence – and add it to a collage of group pictures, which get displayed each year. It’s hysterical to see how people age,” my friend Nina remarks wickedly. “And great motivation for pre-Thanksgiving dieting.”

  Practice Gratitude: “It’s tried, true and trite but what can it hurt? Go around the table and ask each person to talk BRIEFLY about one thing they are grateful/thankful for,” suggests Gail. “And with technology surrounding us, we often utilize Skype or Face time with relatives celebrating elsewhere.

Remember the disconcerting scene from the movie, “Avalon,” produced by Barry Levinson? One brother yells at the other, “You cut the turkey without me.”

Remember the quote written by Oscar Wilde? “After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

Let’s face it. We wait to cut the turkey until all guests have arrived. We make sure the food is delectable. Still, there can be folks seated around our Thanksgiving table that we just can’t stand. How do we get through the meal without a major meltdown? Knife fight? Or hair pulling ruckus?

Here’s a few suggestions from me – a self-proclaimed know-it-all – who sports absolutely no professional qualifications:

Lower your expectations

Dwell on the positive

Don’t look for a slight – or you’ll be sure to find on

Listen more than talk

Avoid expounding on religion, Donald Trump & impeachment issues

And if things heat-up, pop open another bottle of wine & slug away

Happy Turkey Day from my crazy horde of relatives to yours & Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Want a few surprises? Ask your buddies to recommend a great book.

What’s your reading routine?

I tend to be an episodic reader. I either don’t read at all or whiz from the title page to the last page with as few distractions as possible in between – losing or missing nuances and subtleties along the way.

One of my “besties” approaches reading in an entirely different way: she reads a page and wonders how someone could choose the words they did to convey such amazing thoughts, ideas and such beauty. She treats herself each day to a few minutes with a book she has put in her library that she loves – reading just a few passages or pages. “It puts me back in the book,” she observes. “And, of course, every time we read something, we read it from who we are at that moment, which can change its meaning in many ways.”

And when discussing books? How about me and my two writing buddies, Lisbeth and Paula, plus six margaritas between us? That discussion got very lively.

No matter what your choice of genre, specific book, or reading practice is, my long-time friend Dan’s comment on his choice of favorite tome sums it all up: “I keep changing my mind, but all these good ones make me remember how great it felt reading them and the sadness when I finished.”

That’s okay, Dan, because there’s plenty more! As promised last week, here are top books selected by a wide range of my social circle with a few insightful comments sprinkled in:

A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Deckle Edge

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Bel Canto – by Ann Patchett

Born a Crime – by Trevor Noah – riveting – being made into a film

Bronze Horseman (a trilogy) – by Paulina Simons

Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators

by Ronan Farrow – Women still are not safe in our society.

Constantine’s Sword: The Church and the Jews – by James Carroll – Written by a former priest, it’s about the relationship between the Catholic Church and the Jews over the centuries, contrasted with his own experience. I learned a lot of history and was reminded that everyone has roots even if those roots have been forgotten by most.

Dean and Me (A Love Story) by Jerry Lewis

Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover

Empty Mansions: The Mysterious Life of  Huguette Clark and the Spending of a Great American Fortune by Bill Dedman  – Takes place at the turn of the 19th to 20th century – centers around her huge art collection

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

Five Smooth Stones by Ann Fairbairn

Fleishman Is in Trouble – by Taffy Brodesser – Glad I survived my forties

Hawaii by James A. Michener – How descriptive great writing can be, along with the history of Hawaii, of course!

Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly

Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love by Dani Shapiro

Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game by Michael Lewis

Somewhere Between Luck and Trust – by Emilie Richards – The story hooked me….part romance, part mystery, part life not working as expected. Normally, I love mindless romance. No brain power required!

Status Anxiety by Alain De Botton – Author attempts to reconcile the general decline in happiness and fulfillment in humans with decline of the hierarchical structures. People have struggled to find their place and purpose and this has resulted in a kind of “status anxiety” that plays out in fascinatingly different ways. 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho – Realizing one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation

The Art of the Personal Essay – An Anthology from the Classical Era to the Present by Phillip Lopate

The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics by Daniel James Brown – A great story about teamwork…strategy… and how good we have it now. Couldn’t put it down.

The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim DeFede – Loved the show of humanity amidst the inhumanity

The Extraordinary Life of Sam Hell by Robert Dugoni

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t take anything personally, always do your best

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

The Haj by Leon Uris  – Only for a history buff

The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Placco – wonderful for kids too…mine is falling apart! 

The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff – World War 2 story of women undercover agents. Reflects how war can bring out both the best in people and the worst.  

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo – Devotion and love cannot be separated by time

The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah  – Our spirit and strength can endure tragedy and rise above it to carry on 

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant – Biblical history story showing the power women have and how to use it. 

The Shadow of the Wind by Carolos Ruiz Zafon – Writing is lyrical. The story grabs from the get-go. The mysteries keep piling up and deepening. The kind of book you want to read more than once. Read it two years ago and haven’t stopped talking it up since. 

The Storyteller’s Secret by Sejal Badani – Beach book and great couch potato lit as well!

The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell

The Tools by a renown psychiatrist from New York – gives specific tools to deal with facing life head on and keeping you moving forward

The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements by Eric Hoffer – Published in 1951, this classic social psychology work is as relevant today as it was then. It’s a study of extremist movements and the characteristic of those who follow them. Hoffer explains the similarities among believers on all sides of the political spectrum. Merits a couple of hours of conversation – a life-changing book

The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard by Kristin Schell  – The librarians at Port Tampa Library were so inspired by this book they put a turquoise table in the side yard for library patrons to enjoy.

The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish

This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger – Native American babies were taken from their families and raised in homes where they were denied and “cleansed” of their culture. Beautifully written.

Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents by Jane Isay

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens – a very popular choice

Will by G. Gordon Liddy – Perseverance in the face of adversity.

Thanks to all the men and women who have traveled along with me on this journey called “life” and so generously shared their thoughts and wisdom time and time again. You surprise me with your choices, energize me with your feedback and sustain me when I’m wilting and fading.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

I had a bad day…

Recently I “hit the wall.” Not physically. But emotionally and mentally. I was exhausted from traveling, speaking, and incessant blogging. Unmotivated due to constantly being “ON,” total veg-out time was sorely needed.

I plopped down on my comfy couch in my loft and for the entire afternoon read Winter in Paradise by Elin Hilderbrand – an addictive novel – a beach book – that I thoroughly enjoyed and felt utterly decadent for devouring almost in one sitting.

I ruminated while page turning – mostly about the huge number of fans overflowing the author’s reading area in a bookstore I had recently visited. Why were over 100 women eagerly awaiting two authors’ arrivals on a random weekday night? Because co-authors Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings – also best buddies – were about to appear. Who are they? New York Times, USA Today and international best-selling American authors of contemporary romance novels. Fifteen best sellers to date. Pen name: Christina Lauren.

“Seriously?” I asked myself. “Romance novels? Grown women? Reading for escape, rejuvenation and pure pleasure. Geez.”

Epiphany: What in the heck is wrong with that? 

So I proceeded to ask my friends probing questions on their reading choices and reading routines.

Responses:

I like saga books about history. I have to be in the mood to read – when my mind is relaxed. If it is a good book, I know from the beginning.

I typically find books via recommendation from friends and of course, my book clubs. I read if I get up at an ungodly time in the morning and on vacation. I always have a mission to finish a book! 

I am an eclectic reader… best sellers… fiction – especially historical fiction – non-fiction, bios, autobiography, histories, politics, mysteries – always been a reader.

I like to read some chick lit now and then and occasionally a mystery. Finding time is hard – love to read on planes and mostly at night before bed.

I have been trying to read for an hour before I make dinner but am having a hard time sticking to this plan – too easily distracted in my house.

I get book suggestions daily from Penguin Random House, as well as the site PureWow and articles in Vogue and sometimes InStyle, and the library when I am reserving another book.

Nothing more fun than starting a new book and immediately being enthralled. I should take more time during the day to read but always feel guilty – I could be cleaning, instead, or doing the laundry.

Totally non-fiction. I don’t often have to make time to read because books are the constant companions of my bed and I love to read there.

I have been known to flip a page at a red light – hey, it’s better than texting.

Often I want to read about a certain subject and shop books about that topic – using Google too.

I alternate reading a “hard” book with reading an “easy” book and I read with ear pods while my husband is watching sports. I also listen to the book I am reading on Audible in my car.

Thank you to my many friends who responded to my post on reading.

Next week: Top books suggested by my buddies.

Spoiler alert: Very few beach books made the cut. However, if, dear reader, you DO have a favorite beach book, please send me the title and author at irisruthpastor@gmail.com

Happy vegging out with a book – whatever the genre.

And Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Snickers or Reece’s Cup? Or maybe Baby Ruth?

Last night: Halloween. Doorbells chiming. Ghosts and goblins hanging out on front porches. Lots of candy ready for dropping into orange plastic bags.

I cheerfully instructed each visiting clown, ballerina, scary critter and princess to pick two pieces of candy. Most popular choices: Reese’s Cups and Snickers.

No matter what candy they chose, one thing was for sure: when they bit into their Snickers bar, they expected it to taste like a Snickers bar and when they bit into the chocolate-coated Reece’s Cup, they expected the inside to be filled with peanut butter.

My point: when you consistently make the same choice of candy bar, you will consistently get the same product. Taken even further – when you constantly choose the same reaction to a situation, you will constantly get the same outcome. If you want a different outcome, you need to make a different choice.

As we glide into mid-life and beyond – whether kicking and screaming or serenely and welcoming – we are all confronted with choices and how we choose directly affects the quality of our lives and the degree of insanity we afflict on ourselves. As my son Harry often reminds me: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

And who wants to be insane?

When we are faced with changing the way we have always done something, we can continue to do it the tried and true way and be regularly frustrated. Or, we can look at the situation in a fresh way – as an opportunity to find creative and innovative means to overcome the obstacles or roadblocks in our path.

Your balance is off? Lower your heels.

Your circles under your eyes are deepening? Coupled with searching for products and surgical and non-surgical techniques to puff out those pouches, try darkening and filling in your eyebrows to focus above your lid, not below it. Or, just wear your reading glasses more, as my friend Nancy suggested.

Boobs getting larger and hanging lower? My fashion savvy friend Lynne suggests getting fitted for a new bra annually. Lift those “sisters” not only to look slimmer on top, but so that your blouses and shirts will be more flattering.

Knee buckling when going down your stairs at home? Banish the habit of using both hands to carry laundry and toiletries.Try holding onto the bannister. If that doesn’t work, sling a bag filled with your stuff over your shoulder and walk down those stairs with BOTH hands supporting your body – one on the bannister and one pressing the wall.

Many times we have little control over events and imposed situations. Viewing a challenge or roadblock as an opportunity to grow, expand and improve hones our adaptability quotient. It allows us to cope creatively with new circumstances and limitations. If the way we have always done it doesn’t work, we try a new way.

Just try stuff – don’t box yourself in.

Adapt to changing circumstances fosters a feeling of mastery and a semblance of control – it’s a confidence building tool that will help us navigate uncharted terrain – like the “joys” of aging.

Hmmm – haven’t had a Baby Ruth in a long time. The package of malted milk balls? Looks utterly divine. And can’t wait to try the Three Musketeer bars next.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

The Expected and the Unexpected

Ten days ago I gave a keynote speech in Indianapolis in front of a large group of women who had no idea who I was. The organizer of the all-day event booked me on the basis of a hunch after reading one of my blogs.

I spoke. As I hoped – and expected – the audience engaged with me immediately and listened attentively throughout. I left the venue feeling like I had made a few new friends and opened up fresh ways of thinking about mid-life’s joys and challenges.

One week later, I spoke in front of an entirely different group. Same topic. Same demographic. Almost the same speech. The difference? I was in my hometown – in front of many people – who knew me before boobs and braces. And the majority had been reading my column for years. Enveloped in a cocoon of warmth, I was satisfied with the evening’s favorable outcome. It too was expected.

It was what happened BETWEEN those two events that shook me to the core.

I left Indianapolis at 5pm on a beautiful autumn afternoon. ETA in Cincinnati was 7:15pm according to my GPS – even with anticipated short intervals of congestion due to construction on the interstate.

What I didn’t expect? A massive semi tumbling over on its side – blocking all three lanes of eastbound traffic ten miles ahead. Cars and trucks came to a complete standstill for over an hour.

I congratulated myself on having not stopped for coffee before cruising onto the entrance ramp – thus alleviating a full bladder. I congratulated myself for having a fully charged phone beside me, a container of homemade granola mix – thoughtfully provided by the host of the women’s one day event – in my lap. And for having the foresight to gas up to capacity immediately after packing up my luggage and speech props.

So I was feeling pretty prepared for a delayed arrival back in Cincinnati – until, that is, I noticed the truck in the right lane just ahead of me.

I inched forward to get a closer look.

The contents of that huge truck remained beside me for the entire time I was trapped in that massive traffic tie-up on I-74.

I saw those tiny cubicles. I witnessed the chickens’ confinement. I studied their limited movement. I realized though my destination was a warm bed and welcoming relatives, I knew that was not what awaited them. Each chicken had one and only one destination. And that was death.

Rationally, I knew when I bit into a chicken keg, I was eating the leg of an animal. Rationally, I knew when my husband grilled skinless chicken breasts on the grill, that the white meat didn’t grow on a tree. Rationally, I knew when my children devoured plate after plate of chicken wings as teenagers they weren’t eating tofu.

Sure I had seen documentaries about our need to move to a more plant based diet to aid in reducing our carbon footprint. Sure I had heard nutritionists and doctors pushing a diet filled with whole grains, fruits, and vegetables for optimal health. Sure I had tons of friends extolling the virtues of a vegan or vegetarian regimen.

Whether pieces of them would end up as Chicken McNuggets or in a basket of fried chicken at a family picnic, looking at those chickens for sixty minutes – cooped up in cages – was a mind-altering event.

I’m not saying I’ll never eat chicken again, but if and when I do, it will never again be as pleasurable, as tasteful nor as mindlessly enjoyable.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor

You know what I simply love?

You know what I simply love? Collecting odd bits of wisdom and meeting creative people who do things either better or more passionately than the rest of us. Add connecting. Always connecting.

And what better place to exercise the love of meeting exceptionally talented and focused people than in the New York City area?

Recently I’ve just spent twelve days in that endlessly fascinating metropolis. I didn’t see one Broadway show, set foot in one museum nor enter one designer showroom. But I did meet three extraordinary women: one meeting was pre-arranged. Two were totally random occurrences.

Lesley Schiff – a classically trained artist hailing from Chicago – has a unique way of portraying her artistic talents: through means of using color laser printers to create images. Her work hangs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Whitney Museum of Art. And she currently is looking for a corporate sponsor for her portfolio of work featuring the iconic Bob Dylan.

Her website: LesleySchiff.com

Here’s Lesley in her Upper East Side studio – connecting technology with artistic endeavor:

And here is one of her creations. Can you guess what it is?

Later in the day, I visited a local Brooklyn bookstore for tot story time. Both the author, Frieda Wishinsky, and the illustrator, Natalie Nelson, of How Emily Saved the Bridge were there – telling the spellbinding story of Emily Warren Roebling and the building of the suspension bridge connecting Brooklyn to Manhattan in 1869. My two-year-old grandson was oblivious to the details of the dramatic tale, but days later I causally mentioned the book to one of my granddaughters and got an unexpected response: “Nana, I know all about that story. My teacher read it to us last spring. And to show the bridge was safe after rumors that it wasn’t, P.T. Barnum led 21 elephants across the bridge – proving it was safe!”

Kudos to Wishinsky and Nelson for connecting storytelling with history in such a provocative and upbeat narrative.

The very next day I met a young Israeli woman as I wandered the booths of a eclectic neighborhood arts fair deep in Brooklyn who has made the United States home for over 17 years. She is a multi-disciplinary artist who paints, illustrates, curates, installs and also dabbles in the art of tattooing. The most surprising thing about Libat Ohayon? The tattoo on her forearm she put on HERSELF!. Her works are mystical and spiritual, melding the influence of Israeli and Moroccan influences.

Below is one of her many pieces featuring Hamsas:



(A hamsa is a Middle Eastern amulet recognized and used as a sign of protection.)

Her website:

https://pocketartdesign.com/

What did these four women have in common? They had a spark, a lust for life, a belief that small creative actions benefit the world and the world will smile back.

I left all four lighter of heart, with a strong sense of hope. Why? Because connecting with these people showed me how others keep the fires of creativity burning. They value their inherent talents and generously, tirelessly and passionately share their gifts with the world.

I’ve also got six fascinating little people – my grandchildren – in the New York City area – also quite a magnet of joy and inspiration. Below is the youngest little tyke (on the left) walking with a friend. He’s learned the power of connecting too.

Ignite your own flame, keep it burning and forge connections – while also Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor 

Upbeat in Spite of It All

I’m Jewish so I’ve just spent the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur mired in existential exploration reckoning with my faults and foibles and misdeeds.

It’s always quite enlightening to actually make a written record of character flaws to work on during the coming Jewish new year. Much more effective than just fleetingly berating myself for a nasty behavior or thought – and then carelessly batting it away as you would a pesky fly.

So here’s a PARTIAL list of my foibles and failings:

I’m selectively kind

Inwardly judgmental

Easily distracted

A much better starter than finisher

And still embracing the impostor syndrome – you know- the mindset that if people REALLY knew the REAL you, they’d be appalled.

On the other hand, even though I’m innately illogical and more often than not miss the obvious, my curiosity and zest for life remains ever present.

Thus I am always ridiculously optimistic when I embark on yet another round of self-improvement maneuvers.

So here is my current, most updated personal manifesto:

I will employ hope, without unrealistic expectation.

I will listen, without interrupting.

I will show kindness, without judgment.

I will recognize that creativity is chaotic and the to-do list never ends.

I will reserve the right to adapt, modify and change.

I will diligently practice the art of gratitude, freeing me from the destructive mindset of entitlement.

I will keep peeling the onion further and further down to relevant specifics, thus keeping me focused and balanced.

I will live life fully in the moment—even the unpleasant, annoying and challenging ones.

I will continue to believe that self-care is healthy; a necessity; a divine responsibility; and a sign of self-respect, not self-indulgence.

I will internalize what best-selling author Eleanor Brown says: “You Can’t Serve From An Empty Vessel.”

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris Ruth Pastor