Brené Brown's Blog, page 30
June 15, 2012
an inspiration interview + giveaway with susannah conway
I started the Inspiration Interview Series because I wanted to know more about the people who share their work with the world and inspire me to practice courage, be creative, and dream big. Susannah Conway is one of those people. Meet Susannah!
Susannah's newest book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (SKIRT!, 2012), just hit the shelves and it's wonderful!
Susannah is a photographer, writer and e-course creator. She is also the co-author of Instant Love: How to Make Magic and Memories with Polaroids (Chronicle Books, 2012).
I think Susannah's gift is helping others reconnect to their true selves, using photography as the key to open the door. Her e-Courses are wonderful!
To celebrate the launch of This I Know, we're giving away three copies! Just leave your name in the comments section and we'll draw winners on Tuesday! If you're reading this via email, please hop over to the blog to leave your name in the comments section.
I hope you enjoy the interview as much as I did!
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On Vulnerability, Authenticity and Courage
Creativity, innovation, and truth-telling can be very vulnerable in our culture which is why we often feel deeply inspired when we see it. We’d love to know more about how you find the courage to share your authentic self and your work with the world.
1. Vulnerability is often uncomfortable and scary, but it is so very important. How else can we know we’re living with our hearts wide open?
2. What role does vulnerability play in your work? It informs everything I do, really. I don’t know why I have this urge to share so much of my life in such a public way, but it is certainly the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
I write on my blog – and in my book – about the ups and downs of life, through bereavement and healing, to navigating the world as a single woman; I started keeping a journal when I was 11, and have always chronicled my experiences in one form or another. I don’t think my life is even that interesting, but I do know that my preoccupations are shared by many women, and I’m happy to share my thoughts and epiphanies if it will help someone else.
Whenever I read truly heart-felt stories from other people, whether it’s a blog post, article, song, or whatever, I always feel less alone when I see they struggle the same way I do. There is so much healing and connection to be found in our blogging community and it all starts with someone holding up their hand and admitting: ‘Yes, I feel that way too.’
I write and I take photographs, and threaded through both is this need to share truthfully – how I feel, what I see, what I want, what I don’t know. In my six years of blogging I’ve only shared a handful of posts that made me feel overly vulnerable (but I still I didn’t take them down) – most of the time the vulnerability I experience when sharing actually just makes me feel stronger afterwards.
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3. Is perfectionism an issue for you? If so, what’s one of your strategies for managing it? It’s more than an issue – it’s half my brain! Perfectionism is the reason why so many projects have not been started over the years – my thinking was: if I don’t do it, it won’t be crap. Perfectionism crept into everything from my creativity and work to how I (think I should) look. There’s always a flock of ‘not good enoughs’ flying around.
Being asked to write a book – a dream I’d had ever since I learned to read – was like getting on the express train to Procrastination Town. It took me months to start. Months! I convinced myself I had to work out the entire structure of the book before I could write any prose, and while that was certainly something I needed to nail down, I used it as an excuse to fluff around with index cards and stare into space.
Procrastination and perfectionism are closed linked for me – I procrastinate on starting a project because I fear that it won’t be good enough. It doesn’t help that the standards I set for myself are ridiculously high.
In the end what turned it around was the pressure of a deadline. I was the same when I was at college and later working as a journalist – everything was done in the last hour. The pressure of a deadline switches my brain on.
The best way I manage my perfectionism is to try to accept that everything I do will be imperfect, and that that is okay. I like the concept of wabi sabi – that there is a little bit of imperfection in everything.
4. What inspires you? Being out in the world, watching people. Travelling to new places, at home and abroad. The potential of a blank page in my Moleskine. Blogs and magazines, books and films. The way my nephew moves through his world. Nature and all her incredible majesty. Conversations with my women friends. Synchronicity and paying attention. A camera in my hands.
5. What’s something that gets in the way of your creativity and how do you move through it? Well, the procrastination + perfectionism cocktail is the biggest block to my creativity, but often I’m simply uninspired. When that happens I try to get outside and change my scenery. I’ll write in a café, take photos in the park, or, if it’s really bad, I’ll leave working until the next day. If I’m really forcing it whatever I produce will be dull and uninteresting.
6. It’s often difficult to share ourselves and our work with the world given the reflexive criticism and mean-spiritedness that we see in our culture – especially online. What strategies to you use to Dare Greatly – to show up, let yourself be seen, share your work with the world, and deal with criticism? I close my eyes, cross my fingers and jump! Honestly, sometimes that’s how it feels. I’ve been very lucky and not had to deal with much criticism, though I do remember word-for-word all the mean-spirited blog comments I’ve received over the years.
And, of course, now that my book is out in the world I’m bracing myself for negative reviews on Amazon. The further my work travels the more I’m aware of how I’m opening myself up to potential attack. When it comes – and I have no doubt that it will, eventually – I will lean heavily on my friends and family to help me keep it real.
Then I will cuddle my nephew while we watch a few episodes of Meg and Mog together, and remind myself that not everyone will get what I’m doing, and that that is okay. I’m still going to be as honest as I can.
7. Describe a snapshot of a joyful moment in your life. Last week my sister emailed me early in the morning asking if I could babysit my 2-year-old nephew because she was still sick and there was no room for him at nursery. I replied immediately and said yes, I would be there. I canceled everything I had planned for the day, jumped in the shower and then legged it to catch the next train.
An hour later I arrived at her local train station. As I walked over the bridge to reach the car park – where I knew she’d be waiting to collect me – I spotted Abby and Noah waiting at the end of the bridge. Abby was crouched down, holding Noah back as the other passengers walked past. But when he spotted me she let him go – he ran up the walkway, weaving in and out of the other people, until he reached me and launched himself into my arms. He hugged me so tightly I thought my heart would explode right then and there. I actually get quite teary just thinking about it. My nephew is my favourite person in the whole wide world.
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8. Do you have a mantra or manifesto for living and loving with your whole heart?
The last paragraph of chapter nine in my book sums it up for me:
"I believe that by being the best and most healed version of ourselves we can truly make a difference in the world. I’m not an activist or politician, and I’m not able to have any direct impact on the areas of the world where help is needed. But what I can do is make a difference in the small pocket of the world I call home.
I can live with integrity and be honest about my feelings, even when they hurt. I can put my whole heart into my work and pay forward the generosity that was shown to me when my world fell apart. I can look after myself, knowing that by healing my own hurts I won’t be passing them on to anyone else. In a society like ours, filled with so many emotionally wounded people acting out their pain, this is possibly the most important work we could ever do—heal our hurts so we don’t pass them on."
Now, for some fun!
From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio
What is your favorite word? Luscious.
What is your least favorite word? Fecund. Also the expression “beggar’s belief” – aargh, hate it.
What sound or noise do you love? The way my nephew says my name.
What sound or noise do you hate? The tinny thumping sound of neighbours playing loud techno late at night.
What is your favorite curse word? F*ck. And the expression “for f*ck’s sake.”
From JL’s Uncle Jessie Meme
A song/band/type of music you'd risk wreck & injury to turn off when it comes on the radio? Most modern-day pop drives me insane. Cheesy boy bands in particular.
Favorite show on television? True Blood. (Also really love the Vampire Diaries… what? Don’t look at me like that ;-)
Favorite movie? It’s a tie between Desperately Seeking Susan and Solaris (the Clooney version).
Best concert? I’m not really a concert-going kinda gal. But I do love live comedy. Most recent gig was Craig Campbell – the “Canadian Billy Connolly” -- who was hilarious.
If you could have anything put on a t-shirt what would it be? “PMS survivor”
Favorite meal? Fish ‘n’ chips with lots of vinegar and ketchup. Preferably eaten by the sea. I am English, after all.
A talent you wish you had? I wish I could paint the images I see in my head.
Dream vacation? A long weekend in New York City, every month.
What’s on your nightstand? Lip balm. Glass of water. Reading glasses. Notebook and pen. Small bottle of perfume oil (gardenia). Lamp. Books are piled up under the nightstand.
What’s something about you that would surprise us? I swear like a sailor. But never in front of my mum.
From Smith Magazine’s Six Word Memoirs
Your six-word memoir: Despite everything, she loved her life.
Connect with Susannah: Twitter @SusannahConway | Website SusannahConway.com
Don't forget to leave your name in the comments section to win a copy of the new book!
June 12, 2012
defense against the dark arts
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Last year, after I had finished a talk on wholehearted families, a man approached me on the stage. He stuck out his hand and said, “I just want to say thank you.” I shook his hand and offered a kind smile as he looked down at the floor. I could tell that he was fighting back tears.
He took a deep breath and said, “I have to tell you that I really didn’t want to come tonight. I tried to get out of it, but my wife made me.”
I smiled. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”
“I couldn’t understand why she was so excited. I told her that I couldn’t think of a worse way to spend a Thursday night than listening to a shame researcher. She said that it was really important to her and I had to stop complaining, otherwise I’d ruin it for her.” He paused for a few seconds, then surprised me by asking, “Are you a Harry Potter fan?”
I stalled for a second while I tried to connect everything he was saying. When I finally gave up, I answered his question. “Yes, I am a huge fan. I’ve read all of the books several times, and I’ve watched and re-watched the movies. I’m hardcore. Why?”
He looked a little embarrassed before he explained, “Well, I didn’t know anything about you, and as my dread built up about coming tonight, I kept picturing you as Snape. I thought you’d be scary. I thought you’d be wearing all black, and that you’d talk slowly and in a deep, haunting voice – like the world was ending.”
I laughed so hard that I almost spit out the water I was drinking. “I love Snape! He’s my favorite character.” I immediately glanced over at my purse, which was still tucked under the bottom of the podium. In it my keys were (and are) attached to my beloved LEGO Snape keychain.
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We shared a laugh about his Snape projection, then things got more serious. “What you said really made sense to me. Especially the part about us being so afraid of the dark stuff. What’s the quote that you shared from your book - the one with the picture of the twinkle lights?”
“Oh, the twinkle light quote: ‘Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.’”
He nodded. “Yes! That one! I’m sure that’s why I didn’t want to come. It’s crazy how much energy we spend trying to avoid these hard topics when they’re really the only ones that can set us free. I was shamed a lot growing up and I don’t want to do that to my three kids. I want them to know they’re enough. I don’t want them to be afraid to talk about the hard shit with us. I want them to be shame resilient.”
At this point we were both teary-eyed. I reached up and did that awkward “are you a hugger?” gesture, then I gave him a big ol’ hug. After we let go of our this-stuff-is-hard-but-we-can-do-it embrace, he looked at me and said, “I’m pretty bad at vulnerability, but I’m really good at shame. Is getting past shame necessary for getting to vulnerability?”
“Yes. Shame resilience is key to embracing our vulnerability. We can’t let ourselves be seen if we’re terrified by what people might think. Often ‘not being good at vulnerability’ means that we’re damn good at shame.”
As I stumbled for better language to explain how shame stops us from being vulnerable and connected, I remembered my very favorite exchange from Harry Potter. “Do you remember when Harry was worried that he might be bad because he was angry all of the time and had dark feelings?”
He enthusiastically answered, “Yes! Of course! The conversation with Sirius Black! That’s the moral of the entire story.”
“Exactly! Sirius told Harry to listen to him very carefully, then he said, ‘You’re not a bad person. You’re a very good person who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.’”
“I get it,” he sighed.
“We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and light, inside of us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us – that we’re bad, flawed, not good enough – and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs. If we want to be fully engaged, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame.”
At this point, his wife was waiting by the stage stairs. He thanked me, gave me another quick hug, and walked away. Just as he reached the bottom of the stairs, he turned back and said, “You may not be Snape, but you’re a damn good Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!”
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It was a conversation and a moment that I’ll never forget. On the way home that night, I thought about a line from one of the books where Harry Potter was detailing the fate of several unsuccessful Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers: “One sacked, one dead, one lost his memory, and one was locked in a trunk for nine months.” I remember thinking, “Sounds about right.”
J.K. Rowling’s incredible imagination has made teaching shame a lot easier and way more fun. The allegorical power of Harry Potter lends itself to talking about everything from the struggle between light and dark to the hero’s journey and why vulnerability and love are the truest marks of courage.
Having spent so long trying to describe and define unnamed emotions and experiences, I find that Harry Potter has given me a treasure trove of characters, monsters, and images to use in my teaching.
I'm so grateful to J.K. Rowling and to the brave men and women who share their stories with me! Shame is the big daddy of dementors, but we're stronger. Expecto Patronum!
June 8, 2012
the toughest thing I've learned about parenting
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Excerpted from Daring Greatly:
Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.
If we want to teach our chilldren to dare greatly in this “never enough” culture, the question isn’t so much “Are you parenting the right way?” as it is: “Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?”.
I don't know about y'all, but for me knowing is way easier than being.
June 4, 2012
a light from within
My One Little Word for 2012 is light. Every month I'm sharing one of my favorite quotes about light.
This quote from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is inspiring me right now. Faith, family, resting, and nesting are the keepers of my internal light. I know exactly what I need when that "inside light" dims. What about you?
Thanks to Elan from Ninjamatics who designed these graphics.
May 31, 2012
an inspiration interview + giveaway with susan cain
I started the Inspiration Interview Series because I wanted to know more about the people who share their work with the world and inspire me to practice courage, be creative, and dream big. Susan Cain is one of those people. Meet Susan!
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I met Susan at TED. Her talk on "The Power of Introverts" had me crying and cheering. People often find it hard to believe that I am an introvert, but I am. I just didn't have the words to describe it until I read Susan's book, QUIET: The Power of Introverts in A World That Can’t Stop Talking.
Susan's writing on introversion has struck a global nerve. Quiet is a New York Times bestseller and has been translated into more than 20 languages. Her writing on introversion and shyness has appeared in newspapers and magazines all over the world, including the The New York Times; O, The Oprah Magazine; and Time.com. You can check out all of her media coverage here.
Her TED talk - the one that had me tears - is the most rapidly viewed talk in TED history. Grab a cup of tea and watch it here.
To celebrate Susan's book and incredible work, we're giving away three copies of Quiet. Just leave your name in the comments section and we'll draw winners on Monday. If you're reading this post on e-mail or Facebook, please leave your comments here for the drawing.
Enjoy the interview!
On Vulnerability, Authenticity and Courage
Creativity, innovation, and truth-telling can be very vulnerable in our culture which is why we often feel deeply inspired when we see it. We’d love to know more about how you find the courage to share your authentic self and your work with the world.
1. Vulnerability is: Telling the truth about what you really think and fear.
2. What role does vulnerability play in your work? Ha! Vulnerability IS my work. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was four. But I’ve always been drawn to writing about tender, raw, personal subjects– so at first I decided that I’d have to confine my writing to journal entries that no one would ever see.
It’s only recently that I’ve screwed up the courage to share my ideas with the world. With QUIET, I had to get used to the world seeing me through the “introvert” lens. This is uncomfortable, because introversion is stigmatized in our culture – I mean, that’s the raison d’etre of the book! If it weren’t stigmatized, I wouldn’t have had to write it in the first place. But I’ve gotten used to the exposure over time.
3. What does authenticity mean to you and how do you practice it in your work? I’ve always felt that one-on-one interactions are the most true and sublime form of communication. So I try to keep that mentality even when I’m writing or speaking to a crowd. I practiced my TED talk with a presentation coach, and we spent the whole first day just sitting on a couch facing each other, while I said the words to him and he gave me his reactions.
4. Is perfectionism an issue for you? If so, what’s one of your strategies for managing it? It’s a HUGE issue. Deadlines are the only real way to manage it. If something is due, then my perfectionist nature tells me I have to meet the deadline and just get on with things.
5. What inspires you? The feeling I get when an artist or writer expresses in a gorgeous way something I’ve always felt but never had words for. Proust called reading a “miracle of communication in the midst of solitude,” and I love those moments of connection with a writer I’ve never met and who might not even be alive anymore.
6. What’s something that gets in the way of your creativity and how do you move through it? Fear inhibits creativity, especially the fear of being judged. But personal conviction is the great vanquisher of fear. When I feel afraid of potential criticism, or wounded when it comes, I ask myself: Do you really believe in what you said or wrote – in the thing that’s bringing criticism? And if I do believe it, I can withstand anything. Not that criticism doesn’t sting – sometimes I feel punched in the stomach momentarily. But the moment does pass.
7. Describe a snapshot of a joyful moment in your life. Putting my two boys to bed. They snuggle on either side of me while I read a book or tell them a story. Pure heaven.
8. Do you have a mantra or manifesto for living and loving with your whole heart? “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.” – Mary Lou Kownacki (via my friend Courtney Martin, who signs off all her emails with these words.)
Now, for some fun!
From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio
What is your favorite word? Chocolate.
What is your least favorite word? Paperwork.
What sound or noise do you love? Wind blowing gently in the trees.
From JL’s Uncle Jessie Meme
Favorite show on television? The Discovery Channel used to have a show called Sunrise Earth, where they filmed sunrises in high def, around the globe. I used to have it on in the background while I edited my book. Lovely.
Favorite movie? Breakfast at Tiffanys.
Best concert? Leonard Cohen’s recent world tour. I saw him in Connecticut.
If you could have anything put on a t-shirt what would it be? "HAVE THE COURAGE TO SPEAK SOFTLY or INTROVERSION IS THE NEW BLACK.
Favorite meal? Anything prepared in a great Indian restaurant.
A talent you wish you had? Singing (Though truthfully, since I have stage fright, I’m much better off as a writer.)
Dream vacation? Sitting on my front porch looking at the magnolia trees.
What’s on your nightstand? The Power of Myth, by Joseph Campbell
From Smith Magazine’s Six Word Memoirs
Your six-word memoir: I loved, I mothered, I wrote. (Is that too sappy? I hate having to avoid the truth for fear of being sappy! Those are the three important things in my life, hands down).
Connecting with Susan: Facebook | Twitter @SusanCain | Website
I don't know about y'all, but I don' think loving, mothering, and writing is sappy at all! Sounds like the best parts of my life!
Hope you enjoyed meeting Susan! Don't forget to leave your name in the comments.
May 29, 2012
play list: what's inspiring me right now
Cultivating play, creativity, and gratitude are all guideposts for Wholehearted Living. Today, I'm combining them on my "play list."
I'm feeling very grateful for and inspired by:
1. A girl's weekend with Ellen. We laughed, played, and baked & decorated 80 cupcakes (it's the end-of-school crazies around here). Ellen out baked me - she even got out the Bakerella book and made cake pops for her friends.
2. Steve, David, and Jen finishing the triathalon in Austin. The event was also a qualifier for the Paratriathalon National Championships. Charlie came home absolutely inspired by these tremendous athletes. Go Team RWB!
3. This wonderful Cilantro Thai Grilled Chicken recipe from Artsy-Foodie. I found it on Pinterest and we made the marinade last night. Absolutely delicious! Note: We doubled the recipe.
4. Chowhound. I can always find the answers to quirky cooking questions on their website. For instance, what's the best way to store the toasted sesame oil that I used to make the marinade? It wasn't on the label.
5. My friend, Farrah, and her adventures in integration. I believe that one of the great developmental tasks of midlife is to find a place that brings together who we are and everything we love doing. This art project by Farrah is such a powerful and beautiful example.
6. Willie Nelson's new album Heroes. I love all of the duets with his incredibly talented son, Lukas Nelson. My favorite is Willie and Lukas singing Eddie Vedder's Breathe.
7. A hopeful article about good summer TV options. Borgen, Push Girls, The Newsroom, Louie, and Masterpiece Mystery: Endeavor all seem worth trying!
How are you playing and creating? What's inspiring you today?
May 23, 2012
it is gratitude that makes us joyful
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From Gratefulness, The Heart of Prayer by Brother David Steindl-Rast
"Ordinary happiness depends on happenstance.
Joy is that extraordinary happiness that is independent of what happens to us.
Good luck can make us happy, but it cannot give us lasting joy. The root of joy is gratefulness. We tend to misunderstand the link between joy and gratefulness. We notice that joyful people are grateful and suppose that they are grateful for their joy. But the reverse is true: their joy springs from gratefulness. If one has all the good luck in the world, but takes it for granted, it will not give one joy. Yet even bad luck will give joy to those who manage to be grateful for it.
We hold the key to lasting happiness in our own hands. For it is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful."
May 16, 2012
an inspiration interview + giveaway with ree drummond
I started the Inspiration Interview Series because I wanted to know more about the people who share their work with the world and inspire me to practice courage, be creative, and dream big. Ree is one of those people. I bet most of y'all know Ree from her incredible website, The Pioneer Woman, but hopefully you'll get to learn a few new things about her in this interview!
Ree is a best-selling author, photographer, blogger, homeschooling mom, and host of her own Food Network program. She's also become a good friend to me as I continue to learn how to navigate the online world. She never fails to offer up honest-to-goodness, soulful advice when I'm struggling.
I love this picture of Ree - it kinda says it all!
Image by Ree Drummond
Ellen and I are also a big fans of her cookbooks! Just this past weekend we spent two hours catching up on Ree's new Food Network show, The Pioneer Woman. In case you didn't know, you can watch it on On Demand!
We're both pretty sure that we can now do 46 new things with butter and we can rope a cow if necessary! It was so fun to watch and Ellen was even inspired to make the chocolate sheet cake that Paige made in the Surprise Party episode. Yum.
Ree's new cookbook was released in March and is currently the NYT #1 bestselling cookbook. We're having so much fun working our way through the recipes. To celebrate the new book, we're giving away three copies! To make it fun, leave your name in the comment section along with your favorite dessert. We'll pick winners on Monday! If you're reading this in an email - jump over to the blog and leave your name in the comments, please!
I loved reading Ree's take on the topics I study. Enjoy the interview!
On Vulnerability, Authenticity and Courage
Creativity, innovation, and truth-telling can be very vulnerable in our culture which is why we often feel deeply inspired when we see it. We’d love to know more about how you find the courage to share your authentic self and your work with the world.
1. Vulnerability is _____________________. Scary, but it makes us human.
2. What role does vulnerability play in your work? Sharing oneself publicly (whether it's acting, singing, writing, speaking) is an inherently vulnerable thing. I blog, write books, speak in front of people, and appear on TV, so I'm vulnerable a great deal of the time. And while vulnerability often means being open to criticism and judgment, it also means being open to new friendships, new points of view, new experiences, and new perspectives. And those are very good things.
3. What does authenticity mean to you and how do you practice it in your work? Authenticity, to me, does not mean sharing every single corner and inch of you. It does mean being the same basic person at home that you are everywhere you go. In that sense, I do believe I practice authenticity.
The lines get a little blurry on my cooking show, when my hair and makeup are always done---and I'm wearing clean, ironed clothes. In my authentic daily life, I'm more inclined to be wearing yoga pants and my hair in a messy ponytail on top of my head. And no makeup. And no shower. And the sink is filled with dirty dishes. I'll stop now.
4. Is perfectionism an issue for you? If so, what’s one of your strategies for managing it? I am most certainly NOT a perfectionist in most areas of my life---my home, my yard, my closet, my hair, my figure. If I strove for perfection in those areas, I would be unhappy because it is unattainable: I have four children at home all the time. Cows poop in my yard. I have a cowlick. I like to eat. I would be reaching for the unreachable.
Striving for perfection would also take time, energy and focus away from the things I love doing, and would zap my creativity.
5. What inspires you?
Silence. I crave it.
Old hymns. "How Great Thou Art?" Fugghetabout it. (I smiled when I read Ree's answer. I listen to Loretta Lynn sing this everyday as my morning prayer).
Mowing the yard. I've had my very best ideas on the lawnmower. It's actually a form of silence, as the sound of the mower drowns out everything else.
6. What’s something that gets in the way of your creativity and how do you move through it?
Perfectionism! See above.
Another thing that gets in the way of my creativity is exhaustion, being overextended, and traveling too much. The more I'm away from home, the more my well runs dry. I shrivel.
7. Describe a snapshot of a joyful moment in your life. Cooking dinner with a baby on my hip.
8. Do you have a mantra or manifesto for living and loving with your whole heart? I couldn't come up with anything better than the Prayer of St. Francis. It's everything.
[image error]Image from The Food Network
Now, for some fun!
From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio
What is your favorite word? Mellifluous
What is your least favorite word? Scab
What sound or noise do you love? Laughter
What sound or noise do you hate? Finger licking
What is your favorite curse word? Dangit
From JL’s Uncle Jessie Meme
A song/band/type of music you'd risk wreck & injury to turn off when it comes on the radio? Jazz. I'm sorry.
Favorite show on television? Real Housewives of Anywhere
Favorite movie? The Godfather
Best concert? Cyndi Lauper. 1985-ish.
If you could have anything put on a t-shirt what would it be? Homeschooling. There is no substitute. (Get it?)
What makes you really mad? When I can't find something I just saw hours earlier, or have seen a hundred times over the previous week. Where IS that? I just saw it! UGH!
A talent you wish you had? Singing. Like, Broadway stage singing.
Dream vacation? Anywhere in the mountains.
What’s on your nightstand? Rolaids.
Photo by Shane Bevel
What’s something about you that would surprise us?
I can put both feet behind my head.
My car was stolen at gunpoint when I was seventeen.
I've never been to Europe.
I can burp whole sentences.
From Smith Magazine’s Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure
Your six-word memoir: I Will Never Eat a Banana
Don't forget to leave your name and your favorite dessert to win a copy of Ree's latest cookbook!
May 14, 2012
daring greatly! meet the new book.
I'm so excited to share it with you!
The phrase Daring Greatly is from Theodore Roosevelt's speech, Citizenship in a Republic. This is the passage that made the speech famous:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly . . .”
The first time I read this quote, I thought, “This is vulnerability. Everything I’ve learned from over a decade of research on vulnerability has taught me this exact lesson. Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.”
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement.
Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose.
When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.
Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be – a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation – with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.
The book explores and answers the following questions:
1. What drives our fear of being vulnerable?
2. How are we protecting ourselves from vulnerability
3. What price are we paying when we shut down and disengage?
4. How do we own and engage with vulnerability so we can start transforming the way we live, love, parent, and lead?
As my friends and family (and editor) can tell you, it's been a very tough book process for me. I've spent the past few months bouncing back and forth between fear and courage.
For years, I drew courage from the question, “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” I even own the paperweight. When I was getting ready to speak at TED this year, I pushed that question out of my head to make room for a new question: “What’s worth doing even if you fail?”
That question also drove this book which probably explains the fear and courage dance! It's the book that was worth writing - the no-holds-barred book.
It releases on 9.13.12. You can pre-order it now from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble - both retailers have it at a 50% pre-order price.
Stay tuned for more info on an online read-along and book plates! Thank y'all so much for your support and for Daring Greatly with me!
May 9, 2012
passionate listening
[image error]Photo by Scott Corron
I had the great pleasure of introducing Harriet Lerner at her book signing at Brazos Bookstore in Houston. It's not an overstatement to say that Harriet's books have changed my life. From The Dance of Anger and The Mother Dance, to The Dance of Connection, I've been dancing with Harriet for 20+ years.
She was in Houston to talk about her new book, Marriage Rules. As always, she was wise, funny, and warm.
The one teaching about love and partnerships that just knocked me upside the head was this:
"If we would only listen with the same passion that we feel about wanting to be heard."
I've been trying to practice passionate listening for the past couple of weeks and it's been a challenge. When I really listen rather than thinking and formulating my response as people are talking, the entire conversation takes on a new cadence. It's slower and there's more white space between exchanges. It's a little weird at first, but it's also very powerful.
Thank you, Harriet!
