Exponent II's Blog, page 67

The Thirteen Articles of Something Better

According to Wendy Nelson, “Words matter. Because words lodge in our cells and in our souls and even in the walls of our homes, think of how important it is to be exquisitely mindful of our words.” Wendy suggests that words form our souls and create our beliefs. If this is true, the words He, Him, His, and brethren have lodged in our cells and in our souls and in our homes until we have no more room for anything else. 

Therefore, it is not radical for women to feel excluded in a church written by men, about men, for men. Because words matter. It is not heretical for LDS women to feel a lack of power and authority when they are forgotten in their church’s foundational creeds and texts that define power and authority exclusively for men — because the words that we build religions on matter. 

Similarly, words that we build countries on matter. Seventy-two years after the Declaration of Independence was written, the Declaration of Sentiments was approved at the first Woman’s Rights Convention in 1848. The Declaration of Sentiments is a document modeled after the Declaration of Independence and drafted by Elizabeth Cady Stanton. The document proclaims, “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal.” This is proof that words matter: Women rewrote a foundational document to include women. 

The Declaration of Independence, a crucial document in the formation of the U.S. government, was written, inspired by, and signed exclusively by men; however, after many years of women’s voices, it is now common knowledge that women are excluded and amendments have been made. Similarly, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints’ foundational documents and creeds were written by men for men; unfortunately, in the church, there are no amendments that include women.

The Articles of Faith, written by Joseph Smith in 1842, is one of these untouched foundational documents that excludes women. Like my foremothers who approved the Declaration of Sentiments, I recognize how a founding document that ignores half the population of affected members distorts practices, truths, and doctrine. Women are excluded from the founding of this church, and, like the women excluded from the founding of a country, LDS women today suffer because of the words the church is built with. 

I agree with Wendy; we need to be exquisitely mindful of the words we are asking women to build their worlds with. We need to consider the words lodging in the cells and souls of women – the words children are memorizing and building their faith and morals with. 

Furthermore, inspired by the Declaration of Sentiments, I will clumsily attempt to rewrite the Articles of Faith to be more inclusive. Because words matter — being included doesn’t just change the language, it changes everything. Here are The Thirteen Articles of Something Better:

Thirteen Articles of Something Better

We believe God is incomprehensible, that Their son, Jesus Christ, teaches us to love, and that everyone is given divine intuition.We believe that Eve’s choice was good, that agency is a gift, and that God’s love is freedom.We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all humankind is saved; and that the rhythms of life and death are patterns of that atonement.We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first; Love; second, repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the building of communities; fourth, Laying on of hands for connection and self-reflection.We believe that humans are divine and that God is no respecter of persons. We believe in prophecy, ritual, ordinances, and creation centered on people and their needs.We believe that the organization that existed in the primitive church needs to evolve and now includes all humans who desire to be apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, creators, protectors, and so forth.We believe in the gift of listening, the power of miracles, the practice of personal revelation, the sacredness of visions, and the human need for healing; we believe in facing our mistakes and sharing these gifts freely.We believe the Bible to be a history of the Israelites as far as it is read figuratively; we also believe the Book of Mormon started our religion, demonstrates what happens to civilizations that devalue women, and is painfully limited in feminine, racial, and historical perspectives; we also believe that all texts can be read as sacred.We believe all that God has revealed, all that They now reveal, and we believe that They will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the universe.We believe that it is our divine human responsibility to renew our earth and create a paradisiacal world instead of waiting for Christ to do it for us.We claim the privilege of worshiping our God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all beings the same privilege: let them worship how, where, or what they may.We believe in being activists and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.We believe in being honest, gentle, industrious, powerful, and embracing the holiness of every natural, ordinary, sensual, dying moment; indeed, we may say that we follow the teaching of Sue – we believe that embracing holiness will free us to be in a sacred body, on a sacred planet, in a sacred communion with all of it.

See? It changes everything. It changes who God is, who “we” are, and, eventually, it changes our cells and our souls and the walls of our homes. Mary Daly acknowledged that “only women hearing each other can create a counter-world to the prevailing reality.” The prevailing reality is that men wrote this religion for men and the only way to create a counter-world where women hold power and authority is through rewriting it. When God is no longer exclusively male, “we” is no longer exclusively male, and pronouns are no longer exclusively male in the foundational documents of this church, this church will look drastically different. 

Daly, Mary. Qtd. in The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey From Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine.Kidd, Sue Monk. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey From Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine. 1st Harpercollins pbk. ed. New York, N.Y.: HarperOne, 2002.Nelson, Wendy. The Heavens are Open. Deseret Book Company, 2019.Photo by Ben White on UnsplashPhoto by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Follow Up to “Letting Him Prevail”

Guest Post: Ashli Carnicelli is an author, editor and classically trained singer. Ashli’s heartfelt narrative invites readers to embark on a soul-enriching experience through her works such as Cherish: The Joy of Our Mother in Heaven and her monthly newsletter sharing her testimony of Christ “The Pearls”. She recently was featured in LDS Living Magazine for her personal life experiences and reflections on God’s love. Ashli holds her Bachelor of Music Degree in Vocal Performance from The Boston Conservatory, and she and her husband Tony are the parents of four daughters.

Read part one to Ashli’s guest post here: Letting Him Prevail

It’s your turn to have “eyes to see” what I have
experienced a little bit more deeply,
and why I know for certain that my life’s path and decisions were guided by God. 

Before I spent every moment of my childhood from age 5 to my early 20’s preparing to be an Opera Singer, I was a ward of the state of Massachusetts. 

Just shy of my first birthday, my biological mother, who was about to turn twenty one years old, put me into the Foster Care system and placed me up for adoption. She tried to keep me for almost a year. My biological father was never in the picture, because he had no idea I even existed. (We found each other shortly after my baptism when I was 35- another story for another blog post!)  Without the support that she needed, she decided that the best thing for me was to place me in the care of social workers for the state of Massachusetts. 

For a few months I stayed with a foster family and with my social worker. My parents who adopted me were a young couple married at eighteen who experienced unexplained infertility. They had been married for 6 years and had just begun completing their dossier and taking classes with the state when my social worker pulled their file and invited them into her office. They were just 3 years older than my biological mom. 

“Sometimes you just need to throw away the paperwork and go with your gut. This baby was meant for you.” My social worker was my angel and my advocate. 

Ashli with her two social workers, the day her parents would take her home as their foster child to be adopted.

The day before Thanskgiving, two weeks shy of my first birthday, my parents brought me home. I lived with them for a full year, my biological mother’s rights to custody still available to her should she decide to re-petition for me. My parents had to file an ad in the newspaper alerting any family members that I was about to be adopted by them. No one came forward. A year after being placed in the foster care system, just before I turned two, I was legally adopted by my parents. 

I was raised as my parents’ only child. When I was 6 years old, they tried to adopt a sibling for me. A boy, also in the foster care system, who was one year younger than me. His biological mother was a drug addict and had AIDS due to her IV drug usage. He lived with us for a year, and when they filed the ad in the paper as they did for me, his biological Mother came forward petitioning for custody. The state would not allow us to adopt him. At age 7, I hugged my brother goodbye and watched as he yelled out the window of the car driving him away from me. He yelled out  his 6 year old assurance of “Don’t worry Ashli- you taught me a lotta love!”

That was the most traumatic thing I have ever been through and I’m still not over it. I remember the night before he left staring at his school picture on the entertainment center in our TV room. His sweet smile, his innocent face, his prospects of us becoming a family and for him to grow up with me completely obliterated. I remember thinking- what kind of a world am I living in?? This is life?? How is this fair? Living in a world where one child gets adopted and gets a loving home and another doesn’t? His biological mother died 5 years later and he was never adopted. He signed himself out of the system when he and I found each other on MySpace 17 years later. We remain close to this day- once I found him again I knew I would never let him go.  

When my birthmother gave me away, she sent letters and a few photos to be included in my file. My parents hung on to these letters and when I turned 18 they gave them to me. For starters, my parents had changed my legal name to Ashley Elizabeth. My birthmother had named me Ashtaroth Li (yes, THAT Ashtaroth if you were paying attention to Come Follow Me in the Old Testament last year) and she shortened it to AshLi. She provided my biological grandmother’s name, address and phone number and said “When AshLi turns 18 if she would like to find me, contact my mother because she will know where I will be living at that time.” My dad called my biological grandmother, who knew it was my 18th birthday and had been expecting the call. 

When I was reunited with my biological mother I ran through the whole gamut of emotions, through the lens of an 18 year old girl without a lot of life experience, humility or grace. I learned a lot of things that broke my heart. As much as I knew that my parents had prayed for me and had wanted me, there were some things about my story as well as some things said by some family members that made me feel very unwanted, even worthless- like I was an accident. Although I had been raised in the Catholic church until my parents left when I was 10 years old, I did not grow up with the doctrine that I was a beloved child of Heavenly Parents with a divine nature and destiny. My very existence made some in my biological family feel all sorts of feelings, some that they expressed without hesitation and this was not the welcome I had imagined or expected. I found out that she became pregnant with my sister a year after she gave me up, and kept her. She had my brother a few years after that and kept him too- all three of us have different fathers. To my young mind having been the only child given away was a gut punch, bursting my dream that my birth mom and I would be like Lorelai and Rory on “Gilmore Girls’- best friends, two peas in a pod, who exchanged pithy banter over tacos. Luckily, this is my sister and I have been very blessed in that regard. 

I learned that the cycle of unplanned pregnancy and fatherless children was becoming a family legacy-one I was determined to break. I vowed to myself that if I ever became a mother that I would be married and that I would plan and want my children and that I would do everything in my power to provide them stability and that they would know their father (barring the unforeseen like death or abandonment). 

At the peak of this personal tempest, after I made this promise to myself and as I moved away from home to start working on my music degree, I met my beloved husband. He was there for me and listened attentively as I worked through my emotions surrounding my family and my biological family. We were babies- he was 17 when we met- but it was love at first sight. There is no other way to describe that even though we didn’t become a couple until four years later (we both were dating other people when we met!) We knew that we were made for each other. 23 years later I can tell you that this is still true. 

A few years later as I started off my last essay, at the age of 22 I was working through my heartbreak of meeting my biological Mom with my sense of worth and identity compromised. I had come to this crossroads in my life-do I choose people over my dream? Marriage and family over my personal, solo ambitions? My music was what transcended all of my pain- no matter what was happening in my life, my art was a refuge for me. Despite feeling lost and having so many questions about my temporal self and my DNA, somehow my specific DNA enabled me to sing and use my body as the instrument. This connected me to my ancestors that I did not know- I did not know where a lot of them came from because my biological Mother was missing her biological Father and I was also missing mine. My singing was my entire identity at the time- it was what I held on to when everything else was obscure and confusing. 

By now you can probably imagine JUST how hard this decision was for me. At that time when I thought of family I thought of the words heart wrenching, complicated and risky. Could I really build my life around other people? But people can leave. I thought.  Do I have the courage and the strength to love and possibly lose? Wasn’t it safer to just go along with me, myself and I? I was always the constant in my own life (before I knew it was actually the Savior who was also!) 

The Savior knew just how much my heart needed to take the risk to love. To be vulnerable enough to allow myself to love and to be loved despite the risk of loss. To become a mother myself and relive a lot of my own very early trauma and pain would be the most difficult yet the most healing path. This is why I know, with a surety, that this guidance really was from Him, and that letting Him prevail would not only help to continue the Plan of Happiness for our Heavenly Parents and the Kingdom but that it would also become my personal plan of Happiness and of Healing. 

Reliving some of my trauma from before I was verbal and before I was adopted is hard to describe, but I will try. When our oldest daughter reached the age that I was when my birth mom gave me up for adoption, I would literally cry in between my clients at the spa and sometimes silently cry when they were face down on my treatment table. I just couldn’t fathom how any mother could give away her child- especially after being with her for almost a year. Once I was crying in the breakroom and one of my coworkers also happened to be an adoptee. She had been flown to the US from Seoul Korea when she was just 13 months old. She said she went through this exact same thing and that it peaked when her children reached the same age she was when she was brought to the US. 

She said, “It’s hard not to feel sad- I think what I felt was the grief that I didn’t have this constant Mother, caregiver watching over me from the moment I was born. It’s the feeling that you are missing a mother that you never really knew- it doesn’t take away from our mothers who raised us and loved us- it’s just you feel that loss, that grief. I know. You are not alone.” She held my hands and cried with me from across the break room table. I will never forget that tender mercy. Years and years and years later, after my baptism, the Holy Spirit testified to me that my Heavenly Mother “oversaw my care from the first”. With the way my circumstances played out and how easily it could have gone differently, I have absolutely no doubt that this is true. 

As a new mother, I suffered from intrusive thoughts. I pictured my oldest daughter Isla Rose, then 10 months old, as I put her to sleep in her crib, waking up in a strange place with strange faces around her that she didn’t know. To add a layer to that, I felt guilty and wondered if I was being disloyal to my mom, my mom who raised me from the moment she and my dad brought me home to adopt me– that I was even feeling these feelings. Wasn’t her love and her being my mom enough? Of course she was enough and her love was enough! Yet I had this deep wound that was opened wide- raw and aching, right at the forefront as I mothered my daughter who was the age I was when my birthmother gave me away. 

I ran into our room after she fell asleep and my husband held me as I cried- “Did I wake up and not know where I was?” He looked into my eyes- “You have to remember a few things Ashli. Number one- Isla is not you. You are not your birth mother. You were almost 30 years old when she was born- we wanted her, we planned for her. You have me. You are not alone. She has her father. The second thing that you need to remember is that this is such a testament to YOUR resilience. You lived through it. Yes, you did wake up in a strange crib in a strange place with strange people and you lost your biological mother. But you were brave and resilient and strong and then your parents, your mom and dad, who also really, really wanted you, came to claim you!

Remember when I wrote about meeting with my agent in NYC at age 22 and he said to my husband, “Ashli needs to give her career a solid 10 years and I will castrate you if you get her pregnant before that time.”- exactly 10 years later my husband and I experienced unexplained secondary infertility as we tried to have a sibling for our oldest daughter, Isla Rose. We did several cycles that failed and lost 5 embryos in the process. I remember getting down on my knees thanking Heavenly Father that we had already had Isla because I think if I had gone through that not having had a child already I don’t know if I could have gone on to keep trying. We ended up getting pregnant with our second daughter Everly after two failed cycles right when we were beginning a new cycle without medical intervention. She and Isla are four years apart. We became pregnant again very easily after Everly- Adaline Mae coming 17 months later and Amelia Grace 21 month after Della, once again without any medical intervention. That was the turning point for me in turning my heart and my life over to the Lord- I saw Him in the operating room during her emergency c section delivery. I joined the Church just 13 months later and was pregnant with Adaline. 

To tell you that mothering these four girls has been healing is an understatement. It has been brutal at times- making me look my heartbreak, my pain and my trauma in the eye.

Reliving this trauma happened with each daughter, but each time it was less and less. Each time, I was a little more healed. By the time my fourth daughter Mia came, I felt an understanding and a love for my Birth mom for wanting the best for me- I knew deep down that she wanted me to have everything that she was unable to provide and that she surrendered me out of love. I went through the temple to receive my Endowment when I was pregnant with Mia. As I sat in the bridal suite awaiting to go in and receiving all of my instructions from the Temple President and the Temple Matron, I asked the Temple President, “I don’t know what last name I should use. I have my maiden name from my parents, who are my adoptive parents. I have my last name from my birth mom, and I also have a last name from my biological father.” He smiled and said, “You will always use the last name from your parents who adopted you. And one day, when you are sealed to your parents, it will be they to whom you will be sealed. Your parents who adopted you are your rightful parents.” The Holy Spirit confirmed in that moment that my parents becoming mine had been foreordained. Even though my parents are not members of the church and have left all religion, sharing this experience with them has brought the three of us so much joy. 

Ashli with her youngest daughter, Mia.

Shortly after my baptism when I found my biological father, my birth mom found her biological father too. As I and friends took these biological family names to the temple, their messages were loud and clear: You were not an accident. The Lord sent you here at this prescribed time. We love you. We are aware of you. 

Choosing to become a wife and a mother, to have a family and to prioritize the guidance that this was the Lord’s will for me has made me the chain breaker in my family. The strength to do this has come from the ultimate Chain Breaker, the Waymaker, the Healer, and my Advocate. In exchange for listening to the Lord and setting my heart upon eternal things rather than the things of the world, this journey and these choices have filled the cracks and ridges and broken places in my heart with gold-like a kintsugi bowl. I know myself- if I relied on the praise of the world and the opinions of critics, directors and fans, I don’t think I could have healed out of my pain. I am so grateful for the opportunity to walk the covenant path and to become. I am grateful for the spiritual classroom that my family has been for me. I am so grateful for my Savior who loves me and led me to what I needed most. I am grateful to my Mother in Heaven who never took Her watchful eye off of me. 

*Giveaway* Rachel Rueckert’s If the Tide Turns

Rachel Rueckert is the editor of Exponent II magazine and leads the bi-monthly writing workshop series. She’s used to wearing several hats around here. One of those is a pirate hat.  

Last month marked the release of Rueckert’s debut novel, If the Tide Turns. This adventurous historical fiction tells the true forbidden love story of pirate Samuel Bellamy and Maria Brown, a woman accused of witchcraft. Set in the Golden age of Pirates and the shadowy aftermath of the Salem witch trials, the story combines high-seas adventure, star-crossed longing, surprisingly timely questions about social justice and freedom, and the emotionally satisfying tale of one strong-willed young woman determined to choose her own path.

Days before her book was released, Rueckert learned that her pirate novel had been unironically pirated. While pirated PDFs are not uncommon, they can be devastating to the book sales of a debut novelist. I’ve seen, either in person or via social media, how the Exponent II community has been showing up in force to support Rueckert. As her friend, it warms my heart. I hope unpirated copies of her book make it into the hands of as many people as possible.

To that end, I’ll be giving away three signed copies of If The Tide Turns. Enter to win a copy between now and Friday, April 12. On Saturday, April 13th, I’ll use a random number generator to select three winners and I’ll mail the books next week. Book recipients must be residents of the United States. To enter, comment below for your first entry. Share this blog post on social media and come back to comment again for a second entry. Good luck!

See the book trailer here:

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Come Follow Me: Enos – Words of Mormon, “He Worketh in Me to Do According to His Will”

Image attribution: Dolly Sods Twilight Trail, Nicolas Raymond. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

Method

My method for preparing lessons this year generally goes like this:

1) Read the scripture assignment, taking notes about any

passages I want to be sure to cover

questions I want to bring up in class

activities I think of that would support the lesson

2) Read the corresponding sections in The Book of Mormon for the Least of These. This gives me plenty more ideas for how to cover particular sections of the text, or what kind of conversations I want to invite. Add those ideas into my notes. Ideas below marked with an asterisk (*) were all ideas from this book.

3) Read through the Come Follow Me lesson plan. Usually I have a pretty good idea of how I want my lesson to go by this point. I use the resources on the church’s website to fill in any gaps.

4) Find an appropriate quote by a woman to include in the lesson. Lessons and conference talks rarely quote female leaders. I want to normalize sharing the power and authority of their words in my class.

Lesson

Attention Activity:

Ask “What would you do if you became really rich?”

Lesson:

We’re covering four books today: Enos, Jarom, Omni, and Words of Mormon.

Show this picture from the New Era or print out copies of this page from one of the church’s manuals. Discuss the structure of the Book of Mormon.

The book Words of Mormon talks about how Mormon abridged the records up to the reign of king Benjamin, but then also included the plates from 1 Nephi through Omni.

Enos

What happens in the book of Enos?

Enos goes hunting but ends up praying all day and night.

He prays

for a remission of his sins (v.4),

for the welfare of the Nephites (v.9),

and for the Lamanites (v. 11).

Enos sought a covenant from God that if the Nephites were destroyed but the Lamanites lived, then a record of the Nephites would be preserved to teach the Lamanites (v. 13).

What parts stood out to you?

Loving your enemies enough to want them to be preserved and learn from your record is not easy!

v. 16-18 Enos asks for the covenant with God*, God didn’t tell him “this is what you should want”

v. 20 Seems similar to how Lehi’s family lived in the wilderness…* Enos didn’t have to see the Lamanites perfectly to still want them to be able to connect with the Nephite’s story.

Is there something that you have done that has helped you to make your prayers more meaningful?

How can you influence your family in positive ways?

Watch “Home and Family—Through Small Things” (video), Gospel Library.

Enos was worried about his people and their way of life being destroyed. So were his fathers (v. 18). He was concerned about genocide, which is “the deliberate killing of a large number of people from a particular nation or ethnic group with the aim of destroying that nation or group.” Enos says the Lamanites swore to “destroy our records and us, and also all the traditions of our fathers.” (v. 14)

Jarom

What happens in the book of Jarom? If the class struggles with this, divide them into three groups to read 1-5, 6-10, and 11-15.

Doesn’t write new prophesys (v.2),

some Nephites have revelations, some are stiffnecked (v.4),

Nephites fight the Lamanites (v.7),

worried about being “destroyed from off the face of this land” i.e. genocide (v.10),

teach law of Moses (v.5, 11)

Read v. 8-9 together. Nephites get rich → they make tools and weapons → think they are righteous because they hold back Lamanites

How does this compare to what you would do if you were rich?

How does this compare to what rich nations do today?

They were taught the law of Moses. Were they living the law? (an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.)

What is the higher law that Jesus taught later on? (Turn the other cheek, walk the second mile, give cloak and coat, love enemies. Read Matthew 5:38-44)

What might their actions have been like if they knew Jesus’ teachings?

Omni

v.1-2 not only righteous people can write scripture!* Omni says he is wicked, but still writes a few verses that have been canonized as scripture.

plates passed from Omni → his son Amaron → his brother Chemish → his son Abinadom → his son Amaleki → king Benjamin

Nephites flee from land of Nephi to land of Zarahemla, Mosiah is the king.

Read v. 14-19. The Nephites:

lived in the land of Zarahemla,

taught the people of Zarahemla their language,

taught the people of Zarahemla their religion,

the Nephite King Mosiah ruled over the people of Zarahemla.

It seems like there was a peaceful transition of power. In the scriptures it sounds like everything was super good for the people of Zarahemla, but the Nephites were the ones who wrote the scriptures, so we really don’t know what the people of Zarahemla thought about all this.

What do you think the leaders of the people of Zarahemla might have felt?

There is a word for “the action or process of settling among and establishing control over the indigenous people of an area.” Does anyone know what that word is? Colonization*. What are some other examples of colonization?

Nephites left the land of Nephi because they were concerned about losing their traditions and didn’t want to be ruled over by the Lamanites, but then they go and change the traditions and rule over of the people of Zarahemla.

Jesus later taught “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Matthew 7:12, Luke 6:31

Encourage your class to think about others. We can think about the ways we use time and resources. We can be answers to prayers. We can seek guidance from God.

“God knows the needs of His children, and He often works through us, prompting us to help one another. When we act on such promptings, we tread on holy ground, for we are allowed the opportunity to serve as an agent of God in answering a prayer.”

Kathleen H. Hughes, First Counselor, Relief Society General Presidency
“ What Greater Goodness Can We Know: Christlike Friends ,” April 2005 General Conference

“Your prayer can take many forms. It can be sung in a hymn, or whispered, or even thought. It can be as short as one word—’help!’—or it could be as long as Enos’s prayer that lasted all night and all day.

“The important thing to remember is to pray often, talk to Heavenly Father, seek his counsel so that he can guide you. When you draw near to Heavenly Father in prayer, he will draw near to you. You need never feel alone again.”

Dwan J. Young, Primary General President
“ Draw Near to Him in Prayer ,” October 1985 General Conference

* Salleh, F., & Hemming, M. O. (2020). The Book of Mormon: For the Least of These. BCC Press.

The Nine Women General Auxiliary Leaders

There has been a lot of discussion about the 2024 Worldwide Relief Society Devotional held three weeks ago. I hope that the conversations around power and authority triggered by the infamous Instagram post will lead to change.  As flawed as some of the messaging was, I would like to highlight something positive I saw in the devotional.

[Noting that I’ve recently come back to church after a long time on the margins and out in some significant ways, so a lot of things that may not be new, seem new to me.]

At the beginning of the video presentation, I found the presence and portrayal of the nine women general auxiliary leaders standing closely together striking.  Speaking as a unit, I saw a quorum of powerful women portrayed in a way that I had not seen before.  I wish it was a full quorum of 12 women.  But in the nine women leaders, I think the church has selected women who represent more diversity of life experience than previous general women leaders in the church.  I have enjoyed reading about and learning about these women. For example, being single, I really appreciate that there are two single sisters  – Sister Kristin Yee, never married, and Sister Susan Porter, who is widowed.  In the devotional, Sister Yee did an excellent job speaking to how she builds a relationship with God not being in a traditional family, acknowledging the challenges of being single. I think the leadership of the church is trying to elevate the roles of the women leaders even if imperfectly.

So as we go into general conference this weekend, I’d like to highlight the nine general women auxiliary leaders of the Church as I wish we would hear more from them in conference. Also I’m sharing the links to biographies, profiles, talks, etc, to save anyone interested from a multiplicity of search engine searches that it took me to create the list of material (which I think is pretty comprehensive but don’t promise as I may have missed relevant links). 

My sincere hope is that these women leaders can better represent the women in the church and are given more opportunities to do so. Will we hear from more than three in conference though? I hope so but I’m not holding my breath.

Relief Society General Presidency – April 2022, Church Newsroom, Sltrib

President Camille N Johnson – Bio – Instagram – Facebook – Profiles: KSL, Church News – Talks:

Relief Through Alignment with the Lord, April 2024 Liahona

You Belong to the Relief Society; As His Covenant Daughters, We Are a Conduit through Which Jesus Christ Provides Relief; Invitations; March 2024, RS Devotional

Aligning with the Lord, 2023 BYU Women’s Conference

Jesus Christ is Relief, April 2023 General Conference

Bound Securely to the Savior, 2022 BYU Speeches

Invite Christ to Author Your Story, Oct 2021 (Given while Primary General President)

Seeking Heaven’s Help, 2021 Latter Day Saint Women Podcast

Sister J. Anette Dennis – Bio1 – Bio2 – Instagram – Facebook – Profiles: Church News – Talks:

Accessing God’s Power Through Covenants, March 2024, RS Devotional

His Yoke is Easy and His Burden Light, Oct 2022, General Conference

Sister Kristin Yee – Bio – Instagram – Facebook – Talks:

Becoming One With God Through Your Covenants, March 2024, RS Devotional

Our Covenant Relationship with God: A Wellspring of Relief, Oct 2023, BYU Speeches

What Faith Looks Like, 2023 Latter Day Saint Women Podcast

For the Strength of Youth, 2023 Denton Stake Youth Devotional

Trusting in the Lord, My Greatest Education, Oct 2022, BYU Pathway

Beauty for Ashes, the Healing Path of Forgiveness, Oct 2022, General Conference

Young Women General Presidency – April 2023 – Newsroom, Church News, Instagram, Facebook

President Emily Belle Freeman – Bio – Instagram – Facebook – Profile: YouTube Interview – Talk:

Walking in Covenant Relationship with Christ, Oct 2023, General Conference

Sister Tamara W Runia – Bio – Instagram – Talk:

Seeing God’s Family Through the Overview Lens, Oct 2023 Conference

Sister Andrea Munoz Spannaus – Bio – Instagram – Profile: YouTube Interview – Talk:

2024 YSA Conference

The Lord Multiplies Our Efforts, 2023 Latter Day Saint Women Podcast

Primary General Presidency – April 2022 – Church Newsroom, SLTRIB

President Susan H Porter – Bio – Instagram – Facebook – Profile: Church News – Talks:

So Great A Crowd of Witnesses, 2023, BYU Speeches

Avoiding Spiritual Overwhelm, 2023, BYU Women’s Conference (with Tracy Browning)

Receiving the Gifts of God, 2022, BYU Speeches

God’s Love: The Most Joyous to the Soul, Oct 2021, General Conference

Pressing Forward with Hope, Latter Day Saint Women Podcast

Sister Amy A Wright – Bio – Instagram – Facebook – Profile: Church News – Talks:

Seeking Personal Revelation, March 2024, BYU Devotional

Abide the Day in Christ, Oct 2023 General Conference

Not a Story About Cancer, 2023 Latter Day Saint Women Podcast

Follow the Prophet, Fall 2022, BYU Devotional

Christ Heals that Which is Broken, Oct 2022 General Conference

Sister Tracy Y Browning – Bio – Instagram – Talks:

Remember, Remember, 2023 Christmas Devotional

Preserving Our Relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, 2023, BYU Speeches

Avoiding Spiritual Overwhelm, 2023, BYU Women’s Conference (with Susan Porter)

Seeing More of Jesus Christ in Our Lives, Oct 2022, General Conference

Inclusion, Unity, and Loving Better, Latter Day Saint Women Podcast

Added Bonus Links (because I’d really like to better understand the role of the women on these councils as well)

Relief Society General Advisory Council

Young Women General Advisory Council

Primary General Advisory Council

The Saint of Sexuality

Keira Shae (M. Ed) is a deaf, queer poet, author, artist, and mother in Salt Lake City. Her harrowing memoir, “How the Light Gets In” recounts her childhood raised by a meth addict in the Intermountain West and conversion to the LDS Church while in foster care and was published by BCC Press in 2018. Keira works as a school counselor and runs Salt Lake City’s Push Publications (pushpublications.com).

It was 8:22 in the morning; a very ordinary moment in my life.

The corner of my mouth ached. The alarm went off earlier that morning and I felt the wages of my late-night TV binge: exhaustion. The kids hadn’t packed their lunches, our school year routine untangled by Labor Day weekend. The garage door would open, but it wouldn’t close. I remembered the corner of my mouth when I brushed my teeth, hollering to my middle child that I would be right there to help with those tight socks.

The carpool lane. The missed turn.

My keys landed on the counter.

I rubbed my lips and felt the ache. If you looked at the picture frame in our entryway, it had two people kissing with a temple behind it. Before 8:22 that morning, I believed a lot of things.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had quiet-quit church in 2017. When my prayers in the NICU weren’t answered, it dawned on me that I might be fooling myself, that I had been fooling myself all along. In 2017 I did what I never thought I would ever do: I questioned the existence of God. It was 8:22 am in twenty nineteen. I had lived with this. I brought it home, inspected it, and kicked at it. I had pondered it. Researched it, talked about it. Realized that my whole life might’ve been different without the day I converted to the church. It saddled my husband in a mixed-faith AND mixed-orientation marriage he didn’t ask for, and we were fraying and splitting under the change. The resentment had fallen to the floor between us, and each day, it grew denser. I knew all about life-changing revelations. I lived in one all the time, and had been, for years.

I coped with “at leasts”.

At least I didn’t end up like my family; nicotine every few minutes, coffee every morning, six pack every night, shots every weekend, fornication every week, meth every few days, adultery a few times a year. At least I had a college degree where no one had a high school diploma. At least I had a mortgage instead of rent. At least I was clean and pure and accomplished, whereas they were dirty and depraved and destitute.

Even when those religious labels are taken away, there are still “at leasts”: at least I wasn’t pregnant before I could drive. At least I didn’t have any diseases.

All those “at leasts” died at 8:22 in the morning when I googled something and bit off more than I could chew.

I typed in: how to get rid of a cold sore.

Treatment: Antivirals.

Bored with that answer (who had time for a doctor’s appointment with a toddler?), I scrolled down, and found, RELATED CONDITIONS: Genital Herpes.

And that’s when the Center for Disease Control informed me of something I never heard of, in thirty-two years. I read: Is there a link between genital herpes and oral herpes?

CDC: Yes. Oral herpes caused by HSV-1 can spread from the mouth to the genitals through oral sex. This is why some cases of genital herpes are due to HSV-1.

At least at least at least at least at least at least at least at least at least…

It was 8:22 in the morning.

It was 8:22 in the morning when I was no longer exempt.

It was 8:22 in the morning when it was my problem, too.

It was 8:22 in the morning when I realized that sex education affects us all. Even the ones who think they are pure, protected, and superior.

It was 8:22 in the morning when I realized that “virginity” and “purity” are constructs, and these labels could end up hurting all those I love. It could lead to a lifetime of lesions for myself, for my virgin husband, and potentially, all my sweet children.

It was 8:22 in the morning when I realized in a new way that you can do everything “right”, and still suffer. The only thing we can do is try to forego ignorance and eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil… And I wasn’t even sure if I believed in any of those stories anymore.

It was 8:23 in the morning when this piece was born.

I’m here to tell you: there is no medical definition of virginity, and even if there was, my friend, I was a virgin and I could have given and received a lifelong Sexually Transmitted Disease to my virgin husband.

I’m here to tell you: it benefits no one to promote ignorance. Even you may suffer the consequences of that.

I’m here to tell you what no one told me: if you have a cold sore, the CDC recommends that you refrain from kissing or oral sexual contact for up to 2-6 weeks. However long it takes to fully heal. You can infect your partner and your partner can infect you, at any time. 

Now, I’m lucky I never passed anything to my former husband while we were together. He never gave me anything. I rarely got cold sores, anyway. I never gave it to my children, thankfully. But I was married for 13 years. I had had three children when I learned of this. It came way too late.

Perhaps we need to change the way we do things, no matter what “at least” we harbor within us.

Keira Shae taken by Erica Thurman

All artwork is created by Keira Shae.

This guest post is in response to the following questions:

What was I expecting? How was I living in the world before?
What happened that I did not expect?
How was the world different afterward? How was I different?

We Need You (But Why?)

“We need you; We love you.” – President Camille N. Johnson

While plenty has been well said about the recent Relief Society Devotional, I found myself curious about this perennial phrasing President Johnson used to open the devotional. She addressed 18 year old people coming into Relief Society, but to my perspective, it seems like women are always being told we’re needed in this church. Who is saying “we need you?” Who is being told they are needed?

Thanks to the General Conference corpus, I learned that in General Conference talks only, usage of the phrase “we need you” has increased somewhat dramatically from the 1970s to the present. With the 1990s as a weird outlier, the 2000s in particular have seen an increase.

Before, I would have guessed that women were most likely the main recipients of “we need you.” It turned out that wasn’t the case when I organized by topic.

Adult women rank third, behind missionaries and less active or believing members. Depending on how you want to combine the numbers, the youth have been told they are needed in 10 total instances, with young women scraping by with one, young men receiving four declarations of need, and the combined youth netting another five. Altogether, that could move adult women to the fourth slot. I don’t know yet what I think about these rankings. On the one hand, they fairly accurately demonstrate the priorities of the church. On the other, who is not on this list is telling in terms of race, gender, and sexuality.

There must be some sort of anxiety that prompts leaders to say “we need you,” given who gets told they’re needed the most. I believe leaders who use this phrase are using it with sincere intent, but perhaps not paying attention to how “we need you” is interpreted by their audience.

Need, in terms of mutual appreciation, is a way of recognizing shared bonds. That’s certainly the foundational element of every rain-soaked declaration of love in a rom-com. There’s a vulnerability in declaring “I need you” to another, who might reciprocate and might not. There’s exhilaration in knowing the person you need needs you too. There’s strength in knowing we need each other. There’s power in cooperation, collaboration, and mutual respect. This kind of need really isn’t so bad.

Then there’s the underlying sense of purpose and do-gooding offered by Uncle Sam pointing his finger on a poster. Being needed to support a higher cause makes any sacrifice required feel right and good, worthwhile. There’s purpose in being needed.

We Need You WWI poster recruiting nurses

When President Barbara Winder said to LDS women, “We need you, each and every one. President Hinckley has told us, “God has given the women of this church a work to do in building his kingdom,” she was offering purposeful identity to LDS women. We’re here for a reason.  

Then again, “we need you” can be a persuasive argument predicated on the sense that one must be pulled back, drawn in, because otherwise they might walk away. Don’t leave – I need you!

Need implies want, but also demand. Synonyms of “need” include require, obligation, compulsion, desperation, and exigency. These words are less about mutual appreciation and higher purpose and more focused on something darker.

Need can be abusive and manipulative. Just ask any person who has survived a relationship with someone who weaponized their need.

When a person with power and authority as a leader of our church cries “we need you,” which message is coming through to their audience?

Given the generally increased usage of the last twenty years combined with lower retention rates and a heavy focus on missionaries and less believing/active membership already, I predict the 2020s will only see an increase of leaders telling the membership (and perhaps women in particular) they are needed.

As the refrain repeats again and again, it will be used to reel people back toward the faith and to offer purpose in furthering the faith’s goals. But will it be a declaration of mutual appreciation, trust, respect, and collaboration?

In recognition that membership and leadership have a shared bond, “we need you” needs to also be “we listen to you” and then “we’re acting to improve.” When thousands of comments on one Instagram post call for attention, listen, then act.

In response to being told that I am needed to serve, to sacrifice, and to contribute to the purpose of the church, then I must declare the needs closest to my heart.

I need it to be necessary, unfathomable, unthinkable for a ward to exist without female leadership and authority. I need women to sit on the stand. I need to be inspired by parity in General Conference as wise women impart their knowledge and experience to a mixed gender audience that accepts and acknowledges their authority. I need to raise my daughter in a faith tradition that accepts no limitations on her potential to serve.

I need it to be unthinkable, unfathomable for there not to be a place at the table for our LGBTQ members in full fellowship. I need for our incredible LGBTQ members to be told they are needed in this church every day, every minute until it becomes so obvious we wouldn’t dare question their place in God’s kingdom. I need my precious gender nonconforming child to be welcomed and safe from leadership overreach even when or if he chooses to be baptized.

But I can’t do any of that myself. That’s the realm of General Authorities, to whom I say, with all the mutual appreciation I can muster, I need you too.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

This post is part of a series related to the March 2024 debacle where 8,000+ comments, largely by women, responding to the LDS Church’s Instagram post quoting Sister J. Anette Dennis appeared to have been deleted for several hours. Though the comments were restored, Sister Dennis’ talk and the Instagram post have inspired significant thought and conversation.

Guest Post: A Mother’s Blessing

by Anonymous

Well, it happened. My 5-year-old autistic son asked for a blessing, but not from my husband. From me.

I have felt the pains of not being able to lay my hands on anyone’s head to perform a healing blessing for nigh on a decade now, ever since my father and brothers were out of state and my mother was in excruciating pain. I just stood there, frozen, wanting more than anything to bless her to ease her suffering. But instead, she received no comfort. No peace.

There have been times when I nearly laid my hands on people, to address them in person, in the name of Christ, to be healed. But alas, I am a woman. Nurturer and healer, but not Healer. “Having” the priesthood, but not the authority. “Priestess,” but not Priestess.

My husband is so gentle, so kind, but my son prefers me. My husband has asked him if he wants a blessing on multiple occasions, but he has said no. And no one can force a blessing on someone else. But what do you do when your sick, feverish son wants a blessing, wants the comfort that it brings, but from the woman, not the man?

I prayed and talked to my husband, and we were both heartbroken and confused. But we settled on a compromise. My husband would be in the room presiding. I would hold our son in my lap, place one hand on his head and hold our son’s hand with my other one, and give a prayer of blessing. I commanded God to bless our son, to break his fever, to heal his body, while my husband looked on and our toddler played in the room.

The next morning, his fever was broken. I don’t know if my prayer of blessing did it, or if it was just the course of the illness. But our son believes it worked. I tried to explain to him before and after that I don’t have the Priesthood, nor authority, to give blessings. But he doesn’t understand. All he understands is a mother’s love.

I have heard over and over how women are equal but different to men in the Church. But how can we be, when we cannot even use our “nurturing” nature to bless and heal our loved ones?

The author of this post is a medical laboratory worker, mother to two boys, and wife to a supportive husband. She dreams of the day when her inner conflict does not have to do with religion.

What Good Friday and Easter Mean for Black Americans Like Me

This Easter Sunday, please take a moment to read this opinion piece from Esau McCaulley about what Easter weekend means for him and Black Americans like him.

Is today Saturday?

Today is Saturday. 

Between Good Friday and Easter.

Between Death and Resurrection.

Between Sadness and Hope.

Between Despair and Life.

Between Heartbreak and Fulness.

I think of the women – 
Some mentioned by name in the New Testament
Some remained nameless
We don’t know much
The scriptures don’t tell us enough about any women
But we know they loved Him
And they were waiting on Him
They had faith in his resurrection
But when there’s faith, there’s doubt.
Faith isn’t perfect knowledge. 
I bet they were scared
I bet they were worried
I bet they felt betrayed
Betrayed by the townspeople who ordered His death
Betrayed by the apostle who betrayed Him
Betrayed by the apostle who denied Him

In their darkest moments of doubt, they may have felt betrayed by Him –
He who loved them. 
He who taught them.
He who cared for them.
Yet He had left them

And it was Saturday –
The day in between
The day before the happy ending
The day after the sadness
The day of agony
The day of heartbreak
The day of sorrow

I think of my tiny in betweens –
Tiny, sometimes laughable now, but hard in the moment

Hard in the in betweens – 
When I got 37% on my first test in college and wondered if I would survive BYU
When I felt God nudge me to grad school, but I was rejected 
When I got pregnant with my first but lost 10 pounds from barfing and wondered why I’d ever chosen to feel this awful
When I moved my family across the country for a job that I hated in a place that I hated

I look back now on all of those –
It’s fine.
I got my grades up in undergrad
I got into grad school the next year
The baby came out and she’s worth it
I left the job I hated, got a great one in a place I love
It’s fine now.
It wasn’t fine during the in between

This week –
the instagram snafu
the instagram debacle
the instagram whatever you want to call it
The church said I’m equal on instagram
I laughed
It seemed like an April Fool’s prank
But it was March, not a joke
Everyone knows I’m not equal, right?
I’m a woman in a man’s church
How can everyone not realize this?
I wasn’t the only one confused. 

Comments flooded in.
We, as sisters, were outraged.
We love Jesus
We wait for Jesus
We have faith in Jesus
But when there’s faith, there’s doubt.
Faith isn’t perfect knowledge.
I’m scared
I’m worried
I feel betrayed
Betrayed by the members who gaslight – telling me I’m equal when I’m clearly not
Betrayed by the apostles who don’t hear our pain
Betrayed by the apostles who deny our pain
Betrayed by the female leaders who accept our pain

In my darkest moments of doubt, I feel betrayed by Jesus.
He who loves me.
He who teaches me.
He who cares for me.

But does He see me?
Or is this just an in-between? –
The Saturday of anguish?
Will Jesus see me? 
Will he heal me?
Will he believe me?
I believe he will; I believe he does

But will the church?
I hope it will; but for now, it doesn’t.
Is today Saturday?

This post is part of a series related to the March 2024 debacle where 8,000+ comments, largely by women, responding to the LDS Church’s Instagram post quoting Sister J. Anette Dennis appeared to have been deleted for several hours. Though the comments were restored, Sister Dennis’ talk and the Instagram post have inspired significant thought and conversation.

It’s 2024. This shouldn’t be radical in the place I go to feel God.