Exponent II's Blog, page 20

I Am…A Poem

In the process of applying to what I hope will be my final educational endeavor – a second master’s – I was hunting for a writing sample, and found a forgotten poem instead. Lost in the files from a graduate certificate from a few years back when my twins were tots and my youngest an infant, was a poem I don’t recall creating for an assignment or actually even writing it at all.  

It’s a simple form I learned when I taught high school English. Start each line with “I am” and finish the thought. It could be metaphorical, literal, something in between. It can really be anything you want.  

Although I sadly don’t have Little Blue Truck on recall anymore, I’m sharing this poem today because the me of 2018 locked this away and the me of 2025 knows that it’s better to share our imperfect selves than to hide because we don’t feel good enough about our efforts. So here’s one iffy little poem for you. You might even try writing an “I Am” for yourself.  

I Am 2018 

I am mommy and "MAMA!"

I am able to recite Little Blue Truck (with voices) from memory (except that last page)

I am chief over the refilling the juice cups and the finding of lost shoes

I am nurturing chaos and presiding over a surprisingly melodious cacophony

 
I am the recipient of kisses and comfort and early morning cuddles

I am letting the dog in, then out, then in

I am going to bed too late and waking up not early enough

I am four chapters behind in my Brene Brown book club
 

I am asking for just ten more minutes on the computer

I am working in the time frame of a twenty-one minute episode of Beat Bugs

I am midwife to nascent writers

I am sure that my work is good, but is it good enough?
 

I am racing to catch up, but not sure I really lost any time

I am not at the height of my earning potential

I am handing the kids off to the babysitter

I am sure I am supposed to feel guilty when I drop them off

I am tightly wound and offering a smile

 
I am six generations deep in Mormonism, so I know how to smile

I am making peace with where I was planted

I am sure the other field is better

 
I am reading the stack of women's stories by my bed

I am learning too few really want to hear the stories

I am telling stories

 
I am realizing I know more than I think I do

I am not an imposter, but do I really belong here?

Photo by Gabriel Soto on Unsplash

Guest post: Pride and joy

By Mikaela

Going through seminary in the late ‘90s, the dangers of Pride weren’t lost on me. However, at this point, in a religious context the term “pride” was very much only associated with the “pride cycle.”  We were often warned of how ‘pride cometh before the fall” and was the reason for the destruction of the entire Nephite nation. Unfortunately, those conversations never included discussions about wealth inequality, class privilege, or the damage caused by racism, patriarchy, or the danger of internalized superiority.

Pride has a different meaning to me now. Last weekend I spent Saturday morning at our local Pride Parade happily running into many close friends of varying relationship make-ups and sexual orientations. As I watched a local band march past raucously playing an upbeat pop song, I was proud to be lovingly welcomed into this space. But the emotion that struck me most was joy.  I was overcome by how uninhibitedly joyful the experience was. As congregations from five different Christian churches walked the street with pride flags, I couldn’t help but envy their ability to seamlessly integrate their spirituality, Christlike love and acceptance of people of all walks of life and joyfulness. This was beyond my comprehension. When my brother admitted to “same-sex-attraction” in the fall of 2004, pride certainly wasn’t on my radar.  Even before the damaging impacts of the church’s response to Prop 8, rather than simply love him, I kept this a secret as though it was shameful and spent years crying through sacrament meeting over images of a heaven with empty chairs. I was terrified I might have an LGBTQIA+ child and have to choose between wholeheartedly loving and accepting them and their life, or my place in God’s kingdom. Thankfully, I’m not that person anymore. However, as I watched the parade surrounded by joyful people living their authentic lives, I couldn’t help but consider how differently my life has looked.  

Perhaps the thing I grieve most about my religious life is the idea that reverence, peace, and “happiness” are somber and silent. I have no idea how to show up joyfully in life. It feels … wrong. I often find myself uncomfortable with overt expressions of happiness. Having received my endowment in the days where we covenanted not to engage in “loud laughter,” I was painfully aware that my very excitable and often loud way of communicating with others was potentially dangerous. Just three summers ago, I sat in a sealing where the officiant requested that all guests remain silent as they left the room and communicate their congratulations to the bride and groom through their eyes—on a day that was supposed to be the happiest, the most joyful of their lives, any joy that day was muted, silenced, almost unwelcome.

This isn’t unique to sealings and sacrament meetings. My church life has been overshadowed with fear, insecurity and silence.  Even as a straight, cisgender, middle-class, typically abled woman dripping with privilege, I have struggled with the need to stay silent to belong. But in the last few years I have realized I was failing miserably at this. Because all of the rage and suppression and claustrophobia of silently conforming was coming out sideways in emotional daggers as I screamed at my children and failed to love my husband for not meeting expectations. The system that taught me to self-betray in order to belong was tearing apart the family it was supposed to save. 

My fear and insecurity in our failure to adequately “do all we can do” or “love the sinner but hate the sin” was preventing me from loving at all—other people, yes, but also myself. More importantly, the self-loathing that ensued precluded any possibility of feeling joy. I came to the end of my rope. In the absolute depths of despair, I had a come to Jesus moment. What I found there was that if God’s greatest joy is found in wholeheartedly and unquestionably loving a world of humans that spans the entire spectrum of humanity, then perhaps pride and joy aren’t irreconcilable. Perhaps, when we accept ourselves and others and authentically embrace this wild experience, we call life together that is where we find joy. We find people excitedly gathering candy for my shy 13-year-old and politely asking to share stickers. We find friends from the gym stilt-walking in rainbow colors and elderly couples who probably lost friends in the AIDS crisis proudly holding hands.  We find people secure enough in their knowledge of God’s love and acceptance to not be threatened by difference and share that love without qualifiers or expectations. We find ourselves fully connected to those around use in a beautiful experience that makes even the most wall flower among us tempted to get up and dance. In that moment I understood: Christ didn’t suffer so we could reduce the misery we experience to a bearable level of survival.  Christ suffered so we could feel love without qualifications or limits.  And that transcendence, I think that the word for that, is joy. 

Not too long ago I watched a video of David Archuleta struggling to sing at a concert to support the LGBTQIA+ community.  The song describes his experience of his mother walking out of church with him. As his voice wavered and broke with emotion the crowd begins to cheer, and as he continues to struggle to contain his emotions, they just scream louder. Just thinking about it now, tears stream down my cheeks.  It was another moment of people joyfully loving humanity. I sent it to my brother with another apology, once again expressing my regret that when he needed love and support and acceptance the very most, I failed to recognize that all I need to do was simply cheer him on.  Because sometimes love needs to be loud, and sometimes joy isn’t found in a sacrament pew, but on a curb at a parade fully supporting Pride in its wildest forms. 

Mikaela is a lover of many things, including family, friends, animals, and most especially lively conversation. A professional loud mouth with no filter, she spent too many decades thinking she had no rhythm before finally realizing she needed to dance to the beat of her own heart.  When she isn’t spending time with her kids and husband, she is most often found doing “trail” therapy with one or two or 15 of her many friends. Whether on a bike, skis, a paddle board, snowshoes, or her own two feet, you will hear her coming.

Photo by Ian Taylor on Unsplash

Relief Society for Him, Not Her

In Relief Society—the women’s organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—it’s common for men to attend, speak, or preside at meetings.

At the Worldwide Relief Society Meeting broadcast in March 2025, Elder Renlund was the keynote speaker. This wasn’t unusual. He followed a decades-long pattern of men speaking last (and longest). 

This happens at the local level, too. Where I currently live, two of the last four Stake Relief Society conferences have been headlined by men.

Over the years, I’ve seen men from the ward, stake, or visiting authorities take over a Relief Society meeting, often without advance notice to the Relief Society presidency or instructors.

Male priesthood leaders oversee Relief Society callings, budgets, and curriculum. Clearly, the Brethren are comfortable with men participating in—and presiding over—the Relief Society.

So why did a former stake president face a disciplinary council for attending a brief portion of a Relief Society meeting?

Because she did so as her authentic self, presenting as a woman.

In Dictates of Conscience: From Mormon High Priest to My New Life as a Woman (Signature Books, 2024), Laurie Lee Hall shares her story. She was raised as a boy, the sex she was assigned at birth, but wrestled with gender dysphoria from a young age. She lacked the language, community, and resources to resolve the incongruity she felt between her body and her spirit. After joining the LDS Church, she committed to living her life as a male. She served an LDS mission, married a woman in the temple, had several children, became an ecclesiastical leader, and eventually became the chief architect of LDS temples.

While serving as stake president of the Tooele Utah Stake and after years of intense personal wrestling, Laurie Lee came to better understand and accept her transgender identity. Socially and medically transitioning took time and came at great cost to her career and family relationships.

Laurie Lee’s memoir avoids preaching and transcends the personal. As both a high-level church employee and an ecclesiastical leader, she offers rare insights into the internal workings of the church. She maps her journey alongside the church’s increasingly strict transphobic policies.

Even knowing that the LDS Church’s treatment of trans individuals is disgraceful, I still find myself shocked at the event that triggered Laurie Lee’s disciplinary council. She had been presenting as a woman at church for some time, assisting in the library during classes, when an elderly sister she worked with in the library said she felt weak due to low blood sugar. Concerned about this sister, Laurie Lee offered to accompany her to the Relief Society room to help her sit down. Not wanting to leave the sister alone, Laurie Lee stayed with her for the final twenty minutes of the meeting before walking her back to the library.

As stake president, Laurie Lee had participated in the Relief Society in many ways. She attended their meetings and conferences, met with their presidencies, and sought to increase their leadership visibility in the stake and center their needs. 

When Laurie Lee presented as a man, no one objected to her participation in Relief Society. But attending even a portion of a Relief Society meeting while presenting as a woman? That was unforgivable.

Laurie Lee’s excommunication was triggered by her twenty minutes in Relief Society. Or at least that was the excuse her local leaders used for initiating the process. She had already been pushed out of her church employment due to her trans identity and presentation.

Current church policy requires that individuals attend gender-specific meetings according to their gender assigned at birth. However, this policy does not apply to priesthood-holding men in leadership callings. They can attend, speak, and preside at women’s meetings. They can determine the curriculum, budgets, and callings of the women’s organization.

The policy is only meant to target transgender and gender nonconforming individuals. It is rooted in fear and transphobia. It is not intended to protect women, but instead to maintain patriarchal control over women’s spaces.

Laurie Lee’s memoir is both a personal account of courage and a searing indictment of institutional hypocrisy.

Dictates of Conscience reveals how systems of power distort sacred spaces under the guise of order and tradition. Her story invites us to ask: Who belongs in women’s spaces? Who gets to decide? What might Relief Society look like if it truly centered compassion, sisterhood, and the dignity of all women, including trans women?

Laurie Lee’s memoir is essential reading for anyone who believes in the power of conscience and the importance of building inclusive communities.

Don’t miss Exponent II magazine’s upcoming Pride issue! Subscribe today.

Upcoming Launch Party for the “Pride” Issue of Exponent II

Join us for our launch party for the upcoming issue of Exponent II magazine on July 10th at 6 p.m. MT / 8 p.m. ET. In this issue we explore the theme of “pride” ranging from stories of aspiring Mormon women to LGBTQ+ writing, artwork and poetry.

Register for the Zoom link at tinyurl.com/exiiparty

Agenda:

Cover revealLetter from the Editor Presentations
Writers read a portion of their work and artists discuss their piecesQ&A with contributors

Join us for a sneak peek of this outstanding issue and to honor all of our amazing writers and artists!

The feature image is a conceptual mockup with art by M. Alice Abrams, who will have an artist feature in this issue.

Pride, War, and the State of the World: There is no bow right now

Convo with my husband this week:
Me: Got anything interesting on your mind lately?
Him: Why?
Me: I’m supposed to be blogging this Saturday and can’t think of anything that might make a good story. I mean it’s pride month and we might be entering a world war. So, I guess there’s plenty to talk about. But, it’s all so depressing!

I like to write about things that I can tie up with a nice little bow. Sure, I like to write about problems – but usually only if they have a nice way to tie them up or solve them. This post has no bow.

How do you write about pride month at a time when what is supposed to be a celebration is being tainted by politics? 

A few recent headlines from major news organizations include:

Big brands are pulling back on Pride merchandise and events this year



Companies Pull Back From Pride Events as Trump Targets D.E.I.



Target Moves Pride Merchandise Aside To Spotlight Father’s Day And July 4th Holidays

Some headlines are a bit more hopeful, but still tainted by the US president’s bigotry. For example:

The LGBT community shows up for WorldPride in D.C., despite some worries about Trump

Instead of celebrating pride month, Trump and his supporters are busy celebrating his bombing of Iran. It makes me sick to my stomach.

At work, we did get some good news last week. I work at a science institute that is mostly all federally funded. Trump had blocked a lot of grant funding for people in my field across the country. Last week a judge blocked Trump’s block of the funding, so people are supposed to be able to resume their work. But that’ll be appealed and there’s still plenty up in the air right now, so it’s not an easy fix to the mess the scientific community is in. There will be no bow for years to come.

Have you ever had a problem that you were clearly in the midst of, but kept trying to convince yourself that you were on the other side of the problem? 
Maybe you and your spouse are trying to work through something and you keep trying to convince yourself you’ve worked through it, but really you’ve got a long way to go? 
Maybe you experienced some trauma and you keep trying to convince yourself you are emotionally past it, but then you find yourself crying in the checkout line of the grocery store and realize you aren’t there yet? 
Maybe you were dealing with addiction (or the addiction of a loved one) and kept trying to convince yourself that the addiction was in the past, but it really wasn’t? 
I feel like I do this sometimes. 
I feel like my friends do this sometimes. 
I feel like my family members do this sometimes. 
It’s like we don’t want to admit that the hard problem is still going on. 
We’re forcing the bow where there really isn’t a way to put a bow on it yet. 

Right now I just want to take a moment to say: As a nation we are in the hard part. We are SOLIDLY in the hard part. And we don’t need to try to convince ourselves that things are getting better. We can just say, “Hey, this sucks. It’s all so depressing.” 

And I’m not going to be able to put a nice bow on this post. Can you? How do we end this?

[feature image on this post photo cred: Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash]

A Q&A with the Incoming Editors of Exponent II Magazine

Millie Tullis and Natasha Rogers, our incoming editorial team, are hard at work preparing to transition into their new roles. Read our discussion with them to learn more about their personal journeys, aspirations and enthusiasm for the work ahead.

Interview with Millie Tullis, incoming Editor-in-Chief of Exponent II:

Tell us about your journey finding Exponent II . 

When I first learned about Exponent II, I was intrigued by the unique history of the magazine and its community. I hadn’t known that communities like this existed! (Huge shoutout to Dayna Patterson’s poetry for introducing me to the big, beautiful world of feminist Mormon art.) But when I first published a poem in Exponent II and my contributor copy arrived, I was totally stunned by the beauty of the magazine itself. Every issue is designed, edited, and laid out with such thoughtful care. I realized (with delight) how little I still knew about Mormon feminist art—how much more there was to read and see and learn from Mormon feminists. And this, of course, is the amazing work that Exponent II does.

Beyond requiring many competencies and a robust skillset, this position is a labor of love. What made you decide to give your head and heart to this work at this time?

Shortly after I saw the call going out for a new Exponent II Editor-in-Chief, I read Katie Ludlow Rich and Heather Sundahl’s remarkable 50 Years of Exponent II. Reading this history deepened my admiration for what Exponent II has overcome and the unique space it creates for so many women and gender minorities across the Mormon spectrum. Rich and Sundahl did a beautiful job illustrating the labors and love behind the journal’s long history. Exponent II continues because those who were passionate about its existence gave it their time and talents. I am personally so grateful for that labor. 

When I journaled about applying for this position, I had plenty of doubts, but I was haunted by Claudia Bushman’s words: “You always have room for another big job.” This probably isn’t always true for all of us (there’s only one Claudia Bushman, after all), but it felt true for me at that time. I’m in a phase in my life where I do have room for “another big job,” and I realized I would love for that job to be in service to Exponent II, a community that I think is so rare and remarkable, and a community that needs time, energy, and talents to continue for another fifty years. 

What areas of your personal and professional background prepared you for this role? 

I have experience working with three different literary journals, volunteering as a reader, poetry editor, social media manager, and Editor in Chief (often performing several roles at once.) In particular, my role as the Editor-in-Chief of Psaltery & Lyre has expanded my professional and personal network of writers, especially in Mormon spheres, and solidified for me how much I love running a literary journal.

A key part of Exponent II’s Editor in Chief role is working directly with writers, giving feedback and preparing pieces for publication — this is also work I really love to do. I have taught or tutored college writing for 11 years across three institutions, working as a peer tutor and a writing instructor, and participated in many, many creative writing workshop spaces. Personally, one of the most exciting parts of the Editor in Chief position is the opportunity to encourage and support other writers (new and experienced) in sharing their stories.

What has training been like? 

In addition to the hope that I would bring something useful to the magazine, I knew that I would greatly benefit from being more deeply embedded in this community, and I already feel like this has been true for me — in particular, working alongside Rachel Rueckert and Carol Ann Lister Young (the outgoing editor in chief and managing editor) and Natasha Rogers (my incoming managing editor) has been an amazing opportunity. It’s hard work to put together a magazine issue, but it’s been so joyful to learn and grow with these talented women, and I’m really excited for everyone to see the Pride issue we’ve been working on together. Rachel has been incredibly generous — she has been so open about the role and offered me amazing support and advice throughout this transition. I’m happy to know that she’s earned a well-deserved break, but I’ll miss sharing this role with her.

Can you tell us a bit about your team?

I’m really thrilled to continue working with Natasha Rogers as my managing editor (our first solo issue will be fall 2025, and the theme is listen!) Natasha is so smart and kind; she also brings amazing Exponent II blogging and community experiences to the magazine team. I also grateful to continue working with Rosie Gochnour Serago (Exponent II’s layout editor), Rocio Cisneros (art editor), Abby Parcell (poetry editor), C. Chanel Earl (fiction editor), Eliza Wells (women’s theology), Liz Johnson (subscription manager), Ynna Padilla (book review editor), and a really, really generous group of volunteer readers, proofreaders, and author-editors.

Do you have any distinct ambitions or goals for your tenure as Editor-in-Chief that you’re thinking about? 

It’s really remarkable to assemble such a magazine that is so historically rooted and at the same time, always being re-made, re-crafted, pulling in new voices, new art, new angles. Exponent II is a shared space in the sense that we come together in the spirit of some shared identities, but it’s also a shared space because we encounter new perspectives and new experiences, our own viewpoints are expanded by what someone has shared. In this way, our magazine and community are always being made and remade with each new issue. I don’t come into this job wanting to remake the wheel, however. I really admire the trajectory Exponent II has been on, particularly under Rachel’s leadership. I hope to continue many of these same goals forward — expanding the diversity and range of art and voices featured in the magazine (in terms of gender identities, sexual orientations, ethnicity, nationalities, and Mormon identities), grow the reach of Exponent II, and I hope to continue providing opportunities and support for new and emerging writers.

Interview with Natasha Rogers, incoming Managing Editor of Exponent II:

You have a long history with Exponent II and have supported the organization in so many ways over the years. Tell us about your Exponent II journey and how you feel about this next step!

Thank you! I first learned about Exponent II when my friend Katie Rich sent me the Spring 2021 issue with a neon sticky note peeking from the pages, marking her first published essay. I read each essay and poem, studied the artwork, and then signed up for the craft workshops hosted by Rachel Reuckert.

I’d been reading Christian feminists for years and found myself in the stories and words of women like Rachel Held Evans and Sue Monk Kidd, but I had no idea that there existed spaces for Mormon feminists to archive their rich inner lives in similar ways. Exponent II brought the stories of these Mormons, whom I’d felt so isolated from, into my home and then gave me a platform to share my own stories. 

I became an Exponent II blogger in 2022 and joined the board in 2024. I continue to be awed by the voices of Mormon feminists and the way this community holds people, witnesses their stories, and then teaches us how to believe ourselves. I am thrilled and honored to continue this fifty-year legacy of Mormon feminists and their creations.

Do you have any distinct ambitions or goals for your upcoming work as Managing Editor?

I’ve been so amazed by Rachel and Carol Ann’s work, and by all the editors before them. Exponent II has evolved with each editorial voice and in response to the needs of our readers. I imagine Millie and I will shape the magazine in new and meaningful ways as time goes on. 

A small thing I’m excited to see is the inclusion of a book recommendation in each author and artist bio! It’s a way to connect our readers more deeply with the people behind the work.

What are some aspects of your personal and professional background that you feel prepare you for this role? 

I’ve served on the Readers Committee, worked as an Author Editor, and collaborated with guest bloggers at Exponent II. I love working with Mormon feminist authors and their stories. 

As a library clerk, I engage with thousands of stories and styles, and as a contract writer, I deeply believe in the magic of storytelling.

Something I love about Exponent II is how it welcomes beginners and scholars and everything in between into collaborative spaces. I feel like I am still a beginner, and I’m grateful that Millie and Exponent II are taking a chance on me. Thank you.

What excites you most about supporting this work? 

I am excited to work with and learn from Millie Tullis who is thoughtful and knowledgeable and thinks like a poet. I’m excited to engage with authors, volunteers, and the editorial team who keep me thinking and listening and feeling.

Mormon feminists are brilliant. Being in generative spaces where we are creating art and witnessing stories together sparks Big Magic like nothing else. That’s what I’m most excited about.

6 Artists I Love to Celebrate Black and African American Music Appreciation Month

In the United States of America, June is Black and African American Music Appreciation Month. The celebration was established to celebrate the immense contributions that Black people have made that have influenced and shaped music and culture. 

This African American Music Appreciation Month, I highlight the incredible work black artists have done and continue to do through these (number) of artists. I have included Spotify and YouTube links, so feel free to add them to your playlist and continue to enjoy their songs long after June ends!

Harry Thacker Burleigh and Spirituals

Harry Thacker Burleigh, aka H.T. Burleigh, (1866-1949) is renowned for his arrangements of African American Spirituals. Spirituals often feature religious themes and became a way for enslaved people to commune, worship, and resist. For more information about the influence of Spirituals, the Library of Congress has a detailed article. The foundation of American folk music is deeply reliant on these songs, and H.T. Burleigh helped share them with a wider population. 

Burleigh introduced the composer Antonìn Dvořak to several spirituals, which led Dvořak to conclude that the foundation of true “American” music was based in African American Spirituals. 

H.T. Burleigh was a composer, arranger, and baritone. H.T. Burleigh wrote arrangements of many African American Spirituals to be sung with piano. This allowed them to be published and performed in many venues they may have otherwise not seen. These arrangements brought spirituals to Classical music performers and made them popular recital pieces. 

Burleigh’s work with spirituals was so prolific that his associate, the composer Antonìn Dvořak concluded that the foundation and future of true “American” music was based in African American Spirituals.

All of Burleigh’s spiritual arrangements are stunning and beautiful. One of my favorites to listen to is “Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child” (performed by the remarkable Lawrence Brownlee and Iain Burnside). It speaks to the longing of a home that enslaved people would have felt. It also has a timeless, plaintive feeling of wanting things to improve. When the voice reaches the top notes, it feels like the start of a cry. Burleigh’s arrangement stays true to the spiritual’s roots while using the piano to add another voice to the song. 

While Burleigh’s spirituals are his most famous output, I also want to highlight his art songs. Art songs are Classical compositions that highlight and elevate music and poetry. Burleigh wrote many art songs that are masterpieces and require beautiful singing and playing to show the rich depth of feeling Burleigh highlighted. One of my favorites of Burleigh’s art songs is “Worth While” (performed by Sidney Outlaw and Warren Jones). The poem is by Laurence Hope (née Violet Nicolson). The music swells on the climax of “What matter the price? We would pay it again, we have had, we have loved, we have known!” and you can hear the richness and lush timbre in the voice and the full, rich chords in the piano emphasizing this power of love to make all things worth it. 

Margaret Bonds

Margaret Bonds (1913-1972) was a skilled concert pianist, a composer, an arranger, and a music teacher. She was the first Black woman to perform with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, which at the time featured only white men. As a composer, she regularly collaborated with the poet Langston Hughes to highlight his poetry in art songs. She also popularized and arranged many African American spirituals. 

Her arrangements and compositions show what a talented pianist she was. She masterfully uses the piano to enhance the voice and to tell the story through another musical world. 

Bonds composed a cantata based on the spiritual “He Never Said a Mumblin’ Word” with poetry by Langston Hughes called Simon Bore the Cross. It is a monumental work, perfect for celebrating Good Friday. It features a full choir, soprano and bass solos, and keyboard or organ. I am deeply touched by her writing of “Who is That Man?” (performed by Janinah Burnett), which is sung from the perspective of Mary the Mother of Jesus watching Simon help Peter carry his cross. 

Bonds’ spiritual arrangements are also incredible and virtuosic. Leontyne Price (one of the most incredible sopranos to ever live- who graced the stages of the Metropolitan Opera, the Lyric Opera of Chicago, and the Royal Opera House) regularly performed Margaret Bonds’ spiritual arrangements on her recitals. Price’s recording of Bonds’ “This Little Light of Mine” is one of my favorite recordings in all of music. Bonds’ arrangement fits in Price’s voice like butter and you can hear the joy and beauty emanating through the composition and performance. “This Little Light of Mine” is included in the Church’s new hymn book, so be sure to share Bonds’ arrangement with your wards!

“Handels’ Messiah: A Soulful Celebration”

Chances are you have heard at least part of Handel’s Messiah, but have you heard it done in the style of African American music? You can now! 

In 1992 executive producers Norman Miller, Gail Hamilton, and Mervyn Warren released a reinterpretation of the monumental work. The album features artists like Stevie Wonder, Al Jarreau, Dianne Reeves, Patti Austin, Tevin Campbell, and more. It highlights 16 of the songs from Handel’s Messiah done in different styles. The musical styles all have roots stemming from African American musical genres, like R&B, hip hop, jazz, ragtime, and spirituals. It is simply delightful. It is one of my favorite albums to put on at Christmas and Easter, because it feels like a true celebration of Christ and his mission.

I am only highlighting two songs from the album, but truely, you have to go listen to them all. Each one is a treasure and features incredible artists! The first piece I will highlight was introduced to me by a music theory teacher at my conservatory who liked to play music at the start of class. The piece starts with a classical recording of the grandiose tenor aria “Ev’ry Valley Shall Be Exalted” before a record scratches and switches to a funky, fresh version of the song performed by Lizz Lee, Chris Willis, and Mike E. Handel’s become belted riffs full of soul. 

Another of my favorite songs from the album is Al Jarreau’s take on the bass aria “Why Do the Nations So Furiously Rage?” If you don’t know Al Jarreau, I need you to stop what you are doing right now and listen to his “Take Five” to hear his masterful scatting and keyboard skills. Back to A Soulful Celebration, Jarreau’s “Why Do the Nations So Furiously Rage?” features his quick scatting vocals, sharp keyboard skills and glorious backing by a big band. 

This album is a treasure and one of my favorite ways to worship! I put it on every Christmas and Easter (and any other day when I’m craving some soulful worship). 

Gladys Knight

Motown music is an iconic form of black music. It originated in Detroit, Michigan (Motor Town) and combines R&B, soul, and blues. It often features highly skilled vocal groups and songs that were perfect for dancing. Gladys Knight and the Pips are one of the most influential motown groups in America. 

Gladys Knight is also known as the “Empress of Soul” for her incredible voice and songwriting. She is a master of motown and soul music. Her song (recorded with The Pips) “Midnight Train to Georgia” was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Dave Marsh of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame described Gladys Knight and the Pips as “a living tribute to the strength of music and friendship, the power of love and devotion expressed through song and voice. In short, a personification of the very spirit of rock and roll.” 

Gladys Knight and the Pips spread motown music across the world and helped this 

Many people do not realize that Gladys Knight is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but she was baptized to the faith in the late 1990s. 

Her music is always a reflection of the deep feeling she has. Her voice is velvety and rich with a grit and power that set her apart from other singers. 

In 2017, she performed as part of a celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. at the Kennedy Center, and I love this recording. I love how well her voice has aged- a testament to her technique and skill! I love the joy she has performing. She is simultaneously elegant and exuberant. 

Gladys Knight is a shining example of the beautiful contributions that African Americans have made to the culture of music. 

nobigdyl.

I discovered the rapper nobigdyl. on Instagram when I saw a reel of his song “Imago Interlude,” and it stopped me in my tracks. Imago can mean an idealized version of a person. Nobigdyl. raps about the hypocrisy some Christians have when they turn Christianity into a status symbol to be maintained or a way to get “clicks and views” on the internet. He sings of walking past Yeshua on the street because the narrator is too busy to stop while they are on their way to Sunday School. He raps about the conflict in Palestine and Israel and the people hurting and suffering. He talks about Christ being in cops and the victims of police brutality. As he holds these truths, you can hear a harshness enter his voice, as one might imagine the despair from seeing all of the horrible news in the world. 

Then, the music pauses and a chorus chants “I hate the people we became” and it grows into a fervor. Then, nobigdyl. sings over the chorus “I love the people we became” with a syncopated rhythm that emphasizes the change and the choice to love others, even when it feels hopeless. 

I really love this song and the tension it holds in how we have to keep trying to walk in Christ’s steps, but it’s complicated and it’s messy. 

nobigdyl. Is a really special Christian rapper. His songs emphasize his faith and his personal experiences with no apology and no pandering. 

Dr. Rosephanye Powell

Dr. Rosephanye Powell is a composer, conductor, educator, and performer. Her works are lively, beautiful, and deeply emotional. She has composed works for choirs, soloists, and ensembles. As an educator, she also works with choirs around the United States to help them blossom. She also published a guide “Mastering Spirituals Dialect” to help choirs appropriately perform African American Spirituals. As a performer myself, I am so glad she has done this work to help more people perform African American music in a respectful way. 

Her choral works are really special and exciting. My favorite is “The Word Was God” (performed by the Eastman Chorale with Dr. Rayvon Moore conducting), which takes one of the sections of scripture I have never enjoyed reading- the lineage of Jesus from Adam, and makes it exciting and fresh and special. After listening to this piece, I felt inspired to see if I could find more meaning in that scripture and I found myself pondering each name as a person who had thoughts and hopes and dreams, not just a name on the page. 

Her art songs are also rich, pleasant, and true to the spirit of the poetry. I especially love her “I Want to Die While You Love Me” (performed by Jennifer Piazza-Pick). Each verse shows text painting to elevate the emotions. The melody itself is incredibly delightful and I just love the pure love that Dr. Powell imbues into the piece. 

Celebrate African American Music All Year Long

While Black and African American Music Appreciation Month is only in June, there are so many amazing African American artists to celebrate year round. Here are some of the benefits I have experienced as a Christian and a musician from celebrating black music: 

Diversity of worship: through listening to music by black artists in my worship, I find different perspectives on God and I relish in different ways to express those perspectives. While the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square is a great choir with skilled musicians, that is only one sound for worship, and sometimes I need something different. Enhanced musical skills: as a professional musician, I have learned a lot from listening to the musical contributions of African Americans. While I primarily perform Western Classical music, listening to African American music has helped me improve:Harmony singing Musical freedom and expression Ornaments and riff singing Performance practice and confidenceDeeper connection to the music of my country: American music was built by African Americans. Without black people, we would not have rock and roll, blues, soul, folk music, jazz, or any of the music that is quintessentially “American.” Listening to black artists enhances my ability to participate in and appreciate the culture of my nation. 

So, whether this is your first time celebrating Black and African American Music Appreciation month, or if you have been celebrating for years, take some time to read about and listen to black artists, and continue that practice long after this month ends. 

Who are your favorite black musicians? Share their names below so fellow readers can enjoy! 

Guest Post: In and Out of the Fold

Guest Post by Keely Richins

Knee length shorts and pregnant bellies,
I’m suddenly an outsider peeking in.
I spot them, who I used to be
Outside in 95 plus degree temps,
Short-sleeved chevron tees and rolled denim shorts
Prove to be quite revealing of my Latter-Day-Saint friends.
Floral, stretchy tops give nod to a bygone trend and leave me reminiscing of floral foyer couches.
My friend side-saddles down beside me in the grass,
Sporting a short-sleeved, sweatshirt material, knee-length dress to weather the garment laden and layered heat wave.
’Inappropriate’ is my thought that is quickly stifled by the hot sun and remembering she must think the same of my tank top and shorts.
Black and white stripes cover her shoulders and knees,
Another textile of Mormonism as familiar to me as scratchy carpeted walls and purple padded pews.
I wipe sweat and pick a phantom wedgie for and in behalf of my friend who is dead from heat stroke
I fixate on the thought that I no longer must fixate on how discreetly I can pick my underwear out from the deep.

This is the summer I breathe in, out, and through

This is the summer I tan my shoulders and find no seams with which to fuss
I shop carefree and with fervor
Light fabrics and various necklines flatter my body and keep me comfortable
I swim in the many choices of inexpensive and practical two pieces
I swat away insecurities and act as if this isn’t the first time my virgin-skinned stomach (aka midriff for those who still observe) meets the sun.
Though practicing friends and family pass furtive glances at my newly exposed limbs,
I live as if no one is tempted by my skin because suddenly I realize that

Truly no one cares

And neither do I

Keely is a reader, runner, proud Utah native, Idaho backpacker, nightgown wearing millennial, friend, and rabbit-owner. She loves to laugh, be outside, and push herself outside of her comfort zone. She lives a thrilling life with a CPA and three kids in a home with a red door.

10 Ways the LDS Church Fails to Be Family-friendly

Although I have some good memories of my decades of activity in the LDS Church, many experiences have convinced me that, in some significant ways, the Church is not family-friendly. Church leaders prioritize obedience to LDS teachings over family relationships, and too often, LDS practices neglect and–even harm–family health. LDS leaders’ emphasis on temple attendance, demanding lay clergy and member duties, requirements of temple marriage and attendance, and the focus on heterosexual families too often hurts those who are outside the margins, including women, LGBTQ members, members without temple recommends, and even innocent children. The church teaches that families can be together forever–only if they are LDS ones who are married in the temple and whose members faithfully obey Church leaders.

The following is an incomplete list of ways the LDS church is not family-friendly:

The failure of the LDS church to protect children and vulnerable people makes the Church unsafe for many. If the Church truly cares about families, it will use every best practice available to try to ensure that vulnerable folks are safer when attending Church. That includes background checks for all who serve vulnerable people, eliminating children and youth one-on-one interviews with leaders, and instituting policies that better protect members from abuse.  Leaders should be trained to report abuse to authorities and support, rather than condemn, abuse survivors. Currently, leaders are told to report abuse to an LDS hotline where they sometimes speak to Church attorneys who advise them not to report horrific abuse. This is unacceptable.Some high-demand callings take parents away from spouses and children for years.  If the church eliminated worthiness and temple recommend interviews, referred all folks with mental health and marital issues to competent professionals,  and selected more leaders without young children at home, this would help. Asking bishops to lead the Young Men’s organization places heavy demands on overburdened bishops and branch presidents.Members are asked to perform many assignments and callings that often reduce critical family time.  Members are urged to clean metinghouses and temples, do family history and temple work, minister to others in assigned partnerships, fulfill church callings, provide nursery care, help with missionary work,  and, if children are in the home, teach children from the “Come Follow Me” curriculum, to name a few.  The church should find ways to lessen members’ church service burdens and increase its support of individuals and families. The church should also include proven ways to strengthen family and interpersonal relationships in its curricula, which currently focuses on temple service and obedience to church leaders.Some family members may be excluded from LDS temple weddings. It is unacceptable that any close family member should be excluded from the wedding of their child, and yet, family members of LDS members routinely are. After the last LDS temple marriage I attended, some young siblings of the couple were in tears after the wedding because they longed to see their brother and sister get married, and the father,  grandparents, and some aunts and uncles of the groom were excluded because they were not LDS. The LDS Church should insist that temple sealings are performed after a wedding if family members are excluded from attending their children’s wedding.Temple service often comes at the expense of family time. Although temple service can be gratifying and fulfilling for some, others forego critical family time, family vacations, volunteering with living people, and spending time with their neighbors, grandchildren, and those who suffer for temple service.  The Church’s strong emphasis on work for the dead sometimes comes at the expense of the living.  As the church continues to build more and more temples, members are asked to devote much of their spare time to serving in them, which often reduces time spent with their families, neighbors, and those in need.  Leaders should carefully evaluate whether their hyperfocus on temple service is healthy for families and individuals.In LDS theology, only temple-worthy members will be with their families forever. This teaching excludes a vast number of the world’s population and less-active family members from LDS heaven. Surely, a loving God would not exclude family members from being with their families in heaven for drinking healthy cups of green tea, but that is what the Church teaches. Although temple work is performed for dead ancestors, some LDS scripture teaches that folks who did not accept LDS teachings during their lifetimes will not receive celestial exaltation and live with their families forever (see D&C 76: 74). This theology can foster elitism is those who are temple-worthy and defeatism in those who are not. Some call the exclusionary LDS principle of the afterlife, where only temple-worthy family members are allowed, “sad heaven.”In the LDS Church, polygamy is taught as an eternal principle that will be practiced in the afterlife (see D&C 132). The  LDS Church’s initial practice of polygamy created a system where family members’ well-being is often sacrificed since parents are required to obey Church leaders rather than nurture their families. Polygamous doctrine also devalues single women, who are sometimes told they will marry polygamously in the afterlife. I know women demeaned by their husbands, who assume they will have multiple wives in the afterlife. I have also seen women and children of second marriages marginalized since women can only be sealed to one man while living, leaving children of their second marriages in Mormon limbo if the mother was sealed to her first husbandLDS members are taught to pay tithing before feeding their children. In poor congregations, fast offerings, the church’s method of providing food for hungry members, are insufficient to feed its starving children.  Accounting experts state that LDS “invested reserves are sufficient to fund church programs forever, even if donations stopped completely.” Severe malnutrition affects 45 million children, and by the time you have read this blog post, 24 children have died from hunger-related causes. The church has the missionaries, tithing means, and manpower to do much more to reduce childhood starvation, but it currently lacks the motivation to contribute significantly. Its humanitarian work is funded primarily by members’ donations to its humanitarian organization, which refuses to release financial reports. Few, if any, tithes are used for humanitarian efforts, while 2/3 of its tithes are invested annually in stocks, bonds, private equity, and real estate. By 2044, the church is predicted to become a trillion-dollar church, according to Widow’s Mite.                                                                                                               The LDS Church’s shunning of folks in same-sex marriages is traumatic and harmful to families. This policy leaves some LGBTQ members and their families feeling that their LGBTQ loved ones will be excluded from the celestial kingdom, a horrible doctrine for sure. Surely, a God who loves the diversity of creation must weep when anyone believes their kind and good loved ones will be excluded from heaven and family associations in the afterlife.Some senior missionaries leave their elderly parents to fend for themselves when they serve. If anyone has fragile elderly parents who need caregiving, the needs of their parents should supersede missionary service, which can be delayed. Too often, senior missionaries leave their suffering loved ones to serve missions when their family members desperately need their care. In addition, top Church leaders who face incapacitating health challenges are required to continue in church service until they die. Surely, it would be merciful to them and their families to allow emeritus status for those who suffer from serious health issues.

Unless the LDS Church changes its policies and practices regarding families, children may be neglected when their parents serve in time-intensive church callings, polygamous and “sad heaven” doctrine will create needless fear, some vulnerable members will be unsafe, temple service may supersede family time, and LGBTQI members will suffer.  Until the Church focuses on love rather than strict obedience to patriarchy, the LDS Church will be unsafe and even harmful for many families. Church leaders can and must do better to protect and nurture children and families, including single folks who are too often ignored and marginalized.

The LDS Church has the resources, manpower, and organizational structure to become a family-friendly church. When it decides that people are more important than programs and that families are more important than policies, it can become a church that follows Jesus’ directive to love others as He loved them. Until then, too many individuals and families will suffer needlessly while Church leaders demand strict obedience to them rather than to a loving and merciful God.

LDS apostle Dieter Uchtdorf said, “In family relationships, love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.” LDS leaders need to review and revise policies and practices that weaken families and traumatize members who fear they will be excluded from Mormon heaven because they don’t fit the LDS mold. When Christlike love--not obedience– becomes the top value of the Church, families will be strengthened, members will feel worthy because they exist, and all of God’s children, whoever and wherever they are, will be loved and valued by the LDS Church.

 

Don’t Disavow Polygamy

I’ve seen people express a wish for the church to disavow polygamy. I’m still working out how I feel about that. To be clear: there were certainly outrageous abuses that happened because of polygamy. I don’t want to minimize that. But I wonder if we sometimes apply our modern conceptions of monogamy as the foil to polygamy, when it would be more appropriate to look at what historical monogamous marriages were like. For all the heartache and mistreatment Doctrine and Covenants 132 has caused, the history of monogamous marriage is certainly not innocent. Polygamy was not the big mistake. Patriarchy was.

Years ago I attended a presentation by Marianne Monson. She taught about Martha Hughes Cannon who was a doctor, suffragist, and champion of public health. Cannon became America’s first female state senator by running a political race against her polygamous husband…and winning! Monson’s book, Her Quiet Revolution, is a fictionalized biography of this incredible woman. (I’d totally recommend the book. The novelization makes Cannon’s herstory engaging to learn about.) Monson’s presentation covered Cannon’s illegal plural marriage and how Cannon went into exile for a few years to avoid testifying against her husband and others. Monson told about how plural wives had no protections from the law. Someone in attendance made a comment: “Why would Cannon enter a plural marriage? She’s clearly a very smart woman. Why would she put herself in such a vulnerable position?” That question has haunted me.

Monson’s response to that question was something along the lines of “This is what made sense to Cannon in the context of her faith and her surrounding culture.” Cannon’s actions were deeply influenced by what church leaders taught were ‘right’ about marriage. People today are also deeply influenced by what current church leaders teach about marriage. A dramatic example of this influence happened when Proposition 8 was on the ballot in California. The church mobilized members to donate time and money to ensure that same-sex marriage would be illegal. Members who ended up voting against their conscience due to the church’s influence have been haunted by that choice.

I was newly-wed and in grad school when the church chose sides on California’s Proposition 8. One of my classmates knew I was Mormon and asked what I thought. I said I was confused about why a church with a history of being persecuted for promoting non-traditional marriage wouldn’t be supporting the rights of others to have legal, non-traditional marriages, even if the church didn’t believe those marriages to be right. That whole ‘do unto others’ thing, you know? I wonder if a good deal of the violence and trauma early saints experienced would have been avoided if the neighbors had been able to say “We don’t think polygamy is right, but we will defend your right to believe as you wish. We have concerns about making sure all parties in the marriage are safe and fairly treated, but if we can come to an agreement about what that looks like, you do you.” That totally couldn’t have happened because monogamous marriage at the time also did not treat women fairly. These injustices are succinctly summarized in the lyrics to “If We Were Married” from the musical Suffs:

If we were married, I promised to cherish you just as a gentleman should.
If we were married, I promised to forfeit my legal autonomy for good.
If we were married, we’d buy our own acre of land for our own little house.
If we were married, our possessions and property would solely belong to the masculine spouse.
If we were married, if we were married.

If we were married, we’d fill out our family and life would be simply sublime.
If we were married, I’d churn out your children ’cause contraception’s a federal crime.
If we were married, we’d save up a nest egg to cushion us later in life.
If we were married, my earnings would be in your name and I couldn’t control my own spending or open a bank account or sign a contract or hire a lawyer because economically speaking I’d die by becoming your wife.
If we were married, if we were married.

You’ve got to admire the ease with which men can squeeze us into such a rigid role.
You do.
Daughters are taught to aspire to a system expressly designed to keep them under control.

For instance, if we were married and you physically beat me, that wouldn’t be illegal to do.
What?
Can you believe it is 1916 and all of these things are still actually true?
I suppose I never stopped to think about how it would be for you.
If we were married, if we were married.

My emotional response to that song was very much the same as the woman who asked about why Martha Hughes Cannon participated in a polygamous marriage: “Why would any intelligent woman choose to participate in such a system?” Monogamy has a long history of enforcing a hierarchy between men and women. Polygamy in the early church could be seen an experiment giving women less oversight and more control over resources and fertility…although it’s certainly not easy to read the history that way when men told women God was threatening them with theological destruction if they don’t comply.

Modern monogamous marriages are certainly different than those a mere century ago, and yet…the institution of marriage is still deeply intertwined with patriarchy. At church, we still have men telling women under what circumstances they should have sex in order to get into the highest heaven. I’ve sat through countless church talks (mostly given by men) and lessons (curriculum approved by men) that taught women to get married and have babies. I wonder how many women have been blindsided by the “husband presides” language in the current sealing ceremony. Modern marriage as the church teaches it continues to be a patriarchal institution, even if many couples have (or aspire to have) much more egalitarian marriages. The patriarchy of modern church marriages fits in easily with our surrounding culture.

In early Utah during the era of polygamy, divorce was relatively easy and common. Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said that in the 1800s polygamy and easy divorce helped to enlarge the principle of consent in marriage.* The idea of sexual consent is now mainstream, but current church practices diminish consent for women. If a wife dies and the husband remarries, any monogamous temple marriage can become a polygynous one in the eternities without the consent of the first wife. (Living women cannot be sealed to more than one man.) This idea of eternal, non-consensual polygamy is hard for many women to accept. Culturally, polygamy has gone from expanding the idea of consent, to reducing it.

One of the parenting tricks I picked up pretty early on with toddlers was to offer two choices when I needed something done. It gave them a sense of control over their life (which reduced tantrums) and I spent less time arguing about things like the necessity of them getting buckled into their carseat. One of my children was really good at understanding that there were actually more than two ways to do such things. If I offered her choice ‘A’ or choice ‘B’, she would often counter-offer with choice ‘17’ (which I never would have thought of, but I often found acceptable). She was really good at seeing through the false dichotomy I offered her.

I’ve seen conversations about polygamy fall into a similar false dichotomy. If choice ‘A’ is monogamous patriarchal marriage and choice ‘B’ is polygamous patriarchal marriage, most people in our current culture easily select ‘A’ as the better choice. But what if you would actually prefer choice ‘17’?

The problem with choices ‘A’ and ‘B’ (monogamous or polygamous marriage) is that both are rooted in patriarchy. Any marriage structure that does not have women on equal footing with men is not righteous. Any societal structure that does not account for the unequal amount of caretaking and reproductive labor many women take on is not fair. Any system created without equally valued contributions from a fully diverse range of people who participate in the system is going to be exploitative. Marriage as it’s currently manifested in the church still puts men above women. Disavowing polygamy won’t fix the root of the problem. We need to disavow patriarchy.

*Ulrich, Laurel Thatcher. “Mormon Gender in the Age of Polygamy.” The Routledge Handbook of Mormonism and Gender, 97. New York: Routledge, 2020.