Exponent II's Blog, page 147

A Story about an Eager Mormon Girl

Last night I watched the first episode of Netflix’s Murder Among the Mormons, a docuseries about the Mark Hoffman bombings in Salt Lake City in the fall of 1985.

This post is not about that, but about a memory that this documentary brought up while I was watching it.

I am simultaneously am not that Mormon, but am also very very Mormon. My parents were converts in their teens in the 1970s, so I don’t have pioneer ancestry. Any extended family that joined the Church did so superficial have all since left. I’m not related to anyone with roots in Utah or Nauvoo, or any other place or story of Mormon historical significance. However, as a kid learning about Church history, I adopted all of that history as my own: in fourth grade I chose “Utah” as the state to do my state project on, since my history was Mormon history and Mormon history was Utah history. I was full-on an obnoxious Molly Mormon, answering all the questions in Primary and memorizing all the seminary scripture mastery verses. I grew up in a suburb outside of Chicago and there were usually between 10 and 20 LDS kids in my high school at different times. There were only 3 of us in my grade level and I was eager to be an example and known for my Mormon identity.

There was one day in freshman biology where we had a substitute teacher. I don’t know what the goal of the lesson of the day was, but carbon dating was brought up and for some reason the substitute asked if anyone knew who the Mormons were. I shot my hand up very fast because of course I knew who the Mormons were! He looked at me, and then he continued, “The Mormons believe Joseph Smith found some ancient records and that’s how he made the religion. There was a piece of paper that was with the records that was written by Joseph Smith and they carbon-dated it and proved that it wasn’t as old as he said it was and so the whole Church is false.” He gleefully smiled. My cheeks flushed hot and red in embarrassment and I put my hand down as discreetly as I could- I sat near the back of the room so not many people saw me, but the embarrassment and shame was strong. I can still feel how it felt.

Image from page 287 of “The Röntgen rays in medical work” (1907)

I was mostly confused by the statement, but I know his smile meant he was not friendly towards Mormons and also that he thought he bested me- I was too eager to not obviously be Mormon myself. I wondered who had saw my hand and who must now think I’m an idiot for being Mormon, but also he was wrong. My confusion was over the fact that that this guy thought he knew so much about the Church, but carbon-dating anything from the 1830s wouldn’t be accurate because you can’t carbon date anything that recent! But I didn’t get a chance to say that because the conversation went on elsewhere and I knew he wasn’t going to have an honest discussion anyway. So I couldn’t even redeem myself to my peers. But also, what was his point- why did he choose that day as a substitute smugly “besting” teenaged me? And I was embarrassed at my eagerness.

I went away from that experience worried that my classmates would think I’m some sort of sucker, but also knowing that sometimes ex-Mormons or anti-Mormons (or whatever he was) just like to rile people up and embarrass teenage girls. Gosh, why are people like that? After watching the show, I realized he was probably talking about the Salamander letter, which I didn’t know about at the time, and he also clearly didn’t know much about either, if he thought carbon-dating was involved.

I don’t have a thesis for this story- this is just one of so many ways Mormonism affected my youth. This experience didn’t shake my faith, just made me a little more wary about eagerly raising my hand and claiming Mormonism around strangers.

Free Anti-Racism Course for LDS Sisters starts this Sunday

 

A few months ago I came across an invitation for a 3-part series of lessons in Anti-Racism geared toward Latter-Day-Saint Relief Society women.  The workshop is free, offered on 3 Sunday afternoons in a row, and is organized by Dr. Jennifer Keyes Adair, a professor and cultural anthropologist specializing in agency, racism and the learning experiences of children of immigrants. 

I was very interested in the class, and curious about how the topics of racism and white supremacy in Mormonism would be treated over the 3 sessions. I asked two of my friends to join me in the class so we could share what we noticed and discuss over the 3-week period.

Some of the questions we had prior to attending the class were:

Who will be leading these discussions? 

Who will be centered, and whose feelings prioritized? 

Who is the course geared toward, and what is the desired outcome for participants? 

How will the follow-up actions be organized? 

The audience and goals for these lessons of anti-racism are stated in the registration form:  

“This will be a time for non-Black sisters to learn, grow and repent for the ways we have ignored or looked past the everyday stress and trauma of racism, police brutality and other historical and current discrimination in and outside of the church.” 

The three initial classes are led by Dr. Adair (Sister Adair?) “As a white woman, her job is to help white women think deeply about the role of racism and white supremacy in their lives and be a support for women of color who are asked over and over again to explain racism to their white and white passing sisters, family members and friends.” Jenn works in close collaboration with several Black women, including Carrie Knox and Kay Montgomery, who participate and lead in the 3 initial workshops. “This session is meant to help white people take responsibility for racism and is a stepping stone to larger gatherings that are planned and led by Black and Black bi-racial LDS women that started in September 2020 and will continue throughout 2021.” 

Many Black and Black bi-racial women attended the sessions and offered feedback and context for the discussions. “Women of color are invited to participate and stay after to give critique and share thoughts.” The Black and Black bi-racial women who structured the content and were quoted in the course were compensated for their time and labor. 

The words and experiences of Black women were first and foremost. Prior to attending the course, Non-Black and non-Indigenous Latter-Day Saints committed to “approach the discussion with apology and humility.” In relation to promoting peace, “As white and non-Black, non-Indigenous Latter-Day Saints who would like to live in peace, coming to terms with our own role in racial discrimination is an important part of whether we will see peace or not.”

The course was a combination of instruction from Jenn, Carrie, Kay, and others, breakout room activities for small group discussions, reflective questions and silent journaling. 

The syllabus for the three sessions is as follows: Week One will focus on Black women’s accounts of anti-blackness as well as their advice to white and non-Black women starting to uproot white supremacy. Week Two will focus on how Black women’s experiences coming to church (those Dr. Adair has specifically been asked to share). Week Three will focus on being called out by the Black community and what it means to speak up and follow the lead of the Black community with determination and humility. In week three, participants are connected to smaller working groups based on state and city.  

Those who have completed the three sessions are invited to participate in the national meetings and on a collaborative Slack channel that organizes future groups by region and into various passion projects. 

Reflections on the course:

By Michelle Franzoni Thorley , Mexican-American artist and anti-racism educator: “Anti-racism work can be overwhelming. This 3 week class was a perfect intro. Each class built upon the last. As a woman of color, I recommend this class to my white family members to help them understand my experiences better and to also help them be allies in their wards and communities. I really wish every member would have to take this class before getting a temple recommend.” 

By Violadiva, “As a white woman, I appreciated hearing truths, the difficult, uncomfortable truths, shared during the meetings in a spirit of love, trust and vulnerability by the Black sisters speaking. I was grateful for follow-up actions and meetings to steer my motivation and eagerness into the next steps, and very glad that the future initiatives are Black-led and based on the advocacy needed. I especially noticed the atmosphere of humility and desire to improve, not by performative strokes of ego on part of Jenn or other white coordinators, and how she publicly asked for and invited correction from the Black women several times in each session. This showed me that the class was not a space to cater to white comfort or feelings, that racial literacy and stamina was being developed by everyone, and that modeling cultural humility and learning is ongoing for everyone – including her. This example helped me see ways to make my advocacy for anti-oppression progress in the church more impassioned and effective. When I asked for their consent to share the registration info on this blog, she replied, “Please share the info with your readers – we want as many to participate as are willing.” 

By Ramona Morris, the SassyDay Saint and influencer running ldsvisibiltyproject on IG, “I think this is a perfect way to start talking about the hard things. I think a lot of white people get in the space where they’re comfortable in their whiteness, especially members of the church, and they really struggle to see anything outside of what is normal to them. I would recommend it because it puts the introductory steps for them to learn about people who aren’t of their race. And this isn’t the place where the learning should end – there needs to be participation in the larger group afterward as a way to hear the voices of the marginalized groups, and their testimonies of what they’ve endured as a member of the church. It will be helpful to put names and faces to the stories of marginalization, and not just go back to old habits or performative actions. I think it’s a good place to start, and then ask ourselves ‘What are we doing after that? The work on the inside has to keep going” 

From all three of us, we unanimously recommend this course to our white and non-Black LDS sisters, family members, ward members and friends. 

The next session of courses begins THIS SUNDAY, March 7, 2021 and registration goes until March 6.  

To register for the course and get the zoom link to participate, fill out this Google form by the end of March 6, 2021. Follow-up contact and meeting info is sent after registering.  

Book Review: Destiny (No Angel series)

I enjoyed this book so much that I read it all in one day! This is the third book in the No Angel series by Theresa Sneed. Book 2 (Earthbound Angel) was about Sophie’s life in the spirit world, before her life on Earth, and book 3 (Destiny) is about Sophie’s life on Earth. Now on Earth, Sophie is known as Angie, and, of course, doesn’t remember her life in the spirit world.

Angie is a teenager and gets into all sorts of trouble, especially at the encouragement of her friend, when she asks her to accompany her to meet boys. I absolutely loved Angie’s personality and character. She was incredibly brave and was willing to take risks in order to rescue her friend. Angie does not have a normal, everyday life. What happens is that she comes across human traffickers and, while saving her friend from them, she is kidnapped in the process.

The major problem is that now she’s on a ship with other girls (all captives as well), and they’re not allowed to speak. It’s very unnerving and the girls have to figure out a way to communicate with one another. Also, there is one disturbing scene that I don’t recommend for sensitive readers. Since I’m very sensitive, I had to put down the book for a while, because it shocked and disturbed me. So that’s something to keep in mind.

Now, I won’t tell you how it ends, of course. But I really enjoyed reading it and couldn’t put it down. It was like a suspenseful thriller in a way. Angie and the other girls on the ship are captives and are being taken to Spain, where they will be auctioned off by the traffickers. So how in the world will Angie and the other girls escape?

Throughout the book, Angie shows her courage again and again, and I truly admired that. Even though she was in deep danger, she still cared about others’ well-being and wasn’t afraid to take risks to help others. Even at one point when she was safe, she didn’t forget those who were in danger.

The author also shows what’s happening with the guardian angels. Each person has a guardian angel assigned to them, and so, while all the craziness is happening with the kidnapping and trafficking, the angels are hard at work to try to get the girls out of this situation before the auction.

It was a pretty intense book, and I loved it. I highly recommend it!

Goodreads

Amazon

No Poor Among Us: The Faithful Feminists

Read the article by Erika Barrett at The Utah Monthly here: An inside look at Channing and Elise, the creators of The Faithful Feminists Podcast

Channing and Elise. Photo by Annie Mills

Virtual Writing Workshop Series

The following is from Exponent II incoming Editor in Chief Rachel Rueckert.

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Dear Exponent II Community:

I am thrilled to announce that Exponent II will be launching a virtual Writing Workshop Series on the first and third Tuesday of every month from 9pm-10pm EST. Craft Writing Workshops will focus on teaching specific writing skills, and Generative Writing Workshops will create a low-stakes, supportive space to make new writing.

We’re all busy. We know our individual lives feel difficult right now, and we also acknowledge the constraints on everyone’s time and creative capacities. Yet, we feel a yearning for community. This series, aligned with the Exponent II mission, will keep all of this in mind. We hope to cultivate solidarity, share and gather concrete writing skills, underscore the wonderful work already happening, and empower you to tell your stories.

There are two kinds of workshops offered in the series:

Craft Writing Workshops
The world is not divided into “writers” and “non-writers.” Humans are story-telling beings, and writing is a skill that can be honed like any other. Craft workshops will demystify some of the writing process by focusing on a specific writing skill each month.
Our first craft workshop will focus on deliberate descriptions. Writers are often taught the old rule of “show don’t tell” because scenes and sensory details using sight, sound, smell, and taste are surefire ways to bring writing to life. However, which details to include or omit is another matter. Poet Emily Dickinson once wrote, “Tell all the Truth but tell it Slant.” This workshop will focus on what nonfiction writer Brenda Miller calls “slant details.” How do our descriptions and choices about which details to include, or exclude, help imbue our writing with not only a satisfying sensory experience but also a heightened sense of the meaning we want to convey?
Register for our first Craft Writing Workshop on March 2nd at 9pm EST here.

Generative Writing Workshops
Rather than a critique group (which focuses on giving critical feedback to improve writing), this workshop will be devoted to generating new material while showing solidarity and support. These will be working meetings with no time for perfectionism. Following the same routine every workshop, participants will have a chance to freewrite on a choice of given prompts. At the end, there will be an optional opportunity to share what people wrote in a safe, fun, and low-stakes setting. You don’t have to read or prepare anything in advance to get involved. All writing levels and genre interests are welcome.Register for our first Generative Writing Workshop on March 16th at 9pm EST here.

***
These workshops will all be free to attend. However, if you are able, we would welcome and appreciate donations at paypal.me/ExponentWomenCo  and new magazine subscriptions (which can also be ordered as gifts). All proceeds will go toward the sustainability of the magazine and organization.

By registering for each workshop, you will get invitations to forthcoming series events. Don’t feel pressured to attend every one—drop in whenever you can. We hope to see you there!

Rachel Rueckert
Incoming Editor In Chief, Exponent II Magazine

Guest Post: I Love You, So I Say This, parts 17-19

Guest post by Anonymous. This Mama got a gay kid for Christmas in 2019. In March 2020 BYU signaled LGBTQ acceptance in an update to the Honor Code, and hastily retracted it. Feeling protective, this Mama wrote what she wished she could say to her Mormon family members. A week later, the first major COVID lockdowns started, and the BYU incident was pushed to the background. A year later, this personal appeal to the better angels is a plea in remembrance of that horrible week. There are 19 short pieces. This post is parts 17-19 of 19.

Parts 1-4
Parts 5-8
Parts 9-11
Parts 12-13
Parts 14-16

I love you. So I say this. Part 17

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

I will say this simply:

The Church is a Not Safe space for your granddaughter.

If you wish her to be there, you are wrong to do so. If you took her there this Sunday, it would be Not Safe.

If you are ready to face reality, check out what a Mormon context does to gay youth. It is a trainwreck of tragedy. There are stories, statistics, and established psychology around it. Read about it. Becoming informed is part of being Safe.

If you imagine sending me information on Evergreen, North Star, Church talks or books, conversion therapy, ruminations on how this is a phase, or if you plan to talk to her directly with anything but absolute acceptance and belief of her reality, please know these will not be received as expressions of love.

These would be Not Safe. I will act to keep her Safe.

They are coming: photos of her dating a girl, photos from Pride marches and Queer Camp. Stories of relationships and crushes and heartbreak and first kisses. Perhaps updates to her identity, appearance, and behaviors. Introductions to a girlfriend. Sharing a room with her girlfriend at family gatherings. An invitation to a gay wedding. Discussions of insemination and/or adoption. Friends with they/them pronouns and top surgery. Expose yourself to these things now, so you are not surprised.

Find time to learn some language: sex, gender, identity, expression, attraction, and how these all relate to each other. Practice using they/them pronouns. These words probably mean something different than you expect. If you get that far, you’ll find lots more new language too.

Watch Queer Eye on Netflix, consider the member of the team who grew up Mormon, don’t look away. If my bebe sends you a playlist, listen to the lyrics. Buy us tickets to LoveLoud so we can go as a family.

This is what it takes. You’ll be uncomfortable. Good. You deserve to grow.

I love you. So I say this. Part 18

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

My gay kid is into stories. ALL stories. She reads, listens to, watches, and writes stories every day.

I went to the bookstore to find stories. I asked the person who curates the LGBTQ section.

I flipped through books. I discovered quickly that most of them contain LGBTQ characters in trauma.

Your grandchild has not been traumatized. She has been worried, and she still cries in relief sometimes. But she is not, as far as I can tell, scarred.

Right now, I need her to see herself in stories of joyous queer normality. In the bookstore I was sad that this is not the default of queer literature and it seems hard to find.

But angels are in the world. I found a neighbor who is bisexual. She used to read my stuff on the LDS blog back in the day! She’s not Mormon, and never has been, but she found the blog comforting and fascinating. Having read my stuff back then, she now will guide my reading. She knows where to find the stories of non-traumatized queer characters. Isn’t the universe funny? Or maybe that’s God.

I want the happy stories to be the stories that are easy to find. I want them to be the stories we tell and the stories we live.

Be part of her story. Be Safe.

I love you. So I say this. Part 19

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

There is holiness in being wrong. I have walked that path, I continue to walk it. I try to push away my accountability for my actions that hurt others.

I understand, it is a reflex.

If for a moment I consider I have been wrong, then I know I have done wrong, and this wars with my concept of myself as a good person. This is more painful than anything else a person can experience. So, we usually choose to believe we are right, even when we are wrong.

The hinterlands of being wrong, however, are a sacred place. It is a place of vulnerability, change, progression, discomfort, anguish, and absolution. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s the place we grow.

I invite you to be wrong. You will not be alone. It is the most important place you can ever go. There is love here.

I love you. So I say this.

Be Safe.

Sacred Music Sunday: They’ll Know We Are Christians by Our Love

I recently finished reading Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. It’s a dystopian novel that takes place in a society where books are forbidden. Firemen (and they are all men) are tasked with burning any books that are found. The protagonist, Guy Montag, is a fireman who secretly gathers and reads books that he is tasked with burning. Eventually he is caught and goes on the run and meets up with a group of former professors and other lovers of books. The people he meets up with have memorized various books to preserve until after the collapse of the regime so they can recite the books and society can have the knowledge again. One of them asks Montag whether he memorized anything. He said that he had memorized Ecclesiastes. Then we get the crowning line of the novel when one of the professors solemnly pronounces “You are the book of Ecclesiastes.”

It got me thinking about what it means to embody a book. In Fahrenheit 451, Montag was the book of Ecclesiastes because he memorized it and was preserving the words for society. The others in the group were other books, both secular and religious, because they had memorized those. But I don’t think memorizing is enough. Even Satan quoted scripture to Jesus.

The Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians: “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone, revealing that you are a letter of Christ, delivered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on stone tablets but on tablets of human hearts.” 2 Corinthians 3:2-3

I really like the idea of being a letter of Christ known and read by everyone. If Christ were to write a letter, I think He would say what He said in John 13:34-35: “I give you a new commandment–to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples – if you have love for one another.”

Jesus further said that the commandment to love God and our neighbor is the commandment upon which all the law and the prophets hang. (see Matthew 22:36-40) The phrase “the law and the prophets” refers to the five books of Moses (the law) and the prophetic writings (the prophets) comprising most of the Old Testament. So if we love one another, we become scripture – the letter from Christ written on the tablets of our hearts.

A folk song that gets at this point is They’ll Know We Are Christians by Our Love. If we proceed through our life with love, then even if others never pick up a Bible, they will read the word of God, the letter of Christ, by seeing us live. We are the book.

Guest Post: I Love You, So I Say This, parts 14-16

Guest post by Anonymous. This Mama got a gay kid for Christmas in 2019. In March 2020 BYU signaled LGBTQ acceptance in an update to the Honor Code, and hastily retracted it. Feeling protective, this Mama wrote what she wished she could say to her Mormon family members. A week later, the first major COVID lockdowns started, and the BYU incident was pushed to the background. A year later, this personal appeal to the better angels is a plea in remembrance of that horrible week. There are 19 short pieces. This post is parts 14-16 of 19. The others will be linked here when they are published.

Parts 1-4
Parts 5-8
Parts 9-11
Parts 12-13

I love you. So I say this. Part 14

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

You will never see your gay grandchild enter a temple, but she will live her life on the most sacred of ground – the places of refuge and holiness that embrace her in safety and love.

I wonder if your home will be part of her temple? I cannot assume that it will.

As of two days ago you continue to break your own rule, your moratorium again discussing the Church. You continue to invite us to the Church, quote leaders, share talks, send books. By doing so you demonstrate that you either have no idea of the impact of the Church on LGBTQ people, or else you know and do not care.

If you do not know, you have now been made aware. Ignorance of the problem is no longer a shield for you.

So, now you can decide whether you care.

Say what you like, tell her you love her, but that’s only part of the story. Your actions will tell me, and they will tell your gay grandchild, whether you love her. And the consequence will follow.

I love you. So I say this. Part 15

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

We have adopted some grandparents here in our new state. They have stepped up and helped our family in times when we couldn’t approach you.

Your grandkid came out to me shortly before Christmas. I had already scheduled her and I to attend a caroling party at the home of these adopted grandparents.

I texted my hosts after the party:

BTW XXXX came out to us as gay shortly before the party, and it was so great for her to see XXXX and XXXX’s (two women’s) wedding photos and meet the other sweet gay couple guys who were there. She was basking in it and I felt so grateful to be able to immerse her in a safe space.

Response:

You know, I was struck by XXXX’s radiance at the party. Good for her, good for you, good for all of us. Tell her she has a happy life to look forward to. (And you too

Me:
Thanks so much for being part of XXXX’s this-far experience of being gay in a context of joyful normalcy. Though her friends have had negative experiences, she’s had no bullying, trauma, or loss of friends or family over it. We celebrated, the grandparents accepted, and the cousins will probably tolerate, but in your home it was the default setting, and it was exactly right. So much gratitude for you both!

Response:
This will be a nurturing place for XXXX to grow into her adulthood, and it’s a gift for us as well to have you in our circle of friendship. Life is full of growth and discoveries — that’s what keeps it interesting <3 <3 <3

Your grandkid has been in a temple of family love. She knows what it feels like. She knows what is real and what is not.

I love you. So I say this. Part 16

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

One thing I have learned: coming out is not a thing that happens once.

This child who told me she is gay, did so the first time. The second. She knew our love. She felt safe. She was good for weeks. But even after that, later, when she ventured further and shared music by queer artists, and played a song by an LGBTQ band that bared her soul, she cried, relieved I could hear a poem she felt. I learned that no matter what has been said and what has passed, she’ll be coming out forever, to others, and even to me.

She will find a thousand moments to see in my eyes that I know who she is and I love her.

She will be coming out her whole life, and both hard and okay – she has the language. She has a lexicon of meta-awareness, conversations, friends, and scenarios that continue to surprise and delight me. She’s so comfortable in her skin.

She’ll look you in the eyes for the first time in person after coming out. Someday soon, this will happen. You have to accept her at her word over the prophets.’ It has to be real or she’ll see it. You may have to work hard to have the right eyes, but that is part of the love to which you’ve been called.

Guest Post: I Love You, So I Say This, parts 12-13

Guest post by Anonymous. This Mama got a gay kid for Christmas in 2019. In March 2020 BYU signaled LGBTQ acceptance in an update to the Honor Code, and hastily retracted it. Feeling protective, this Mama wrote what she wished she could say to her Mormon family members. A week later, the first major COVID lockdowns started, and the BYU incident was pushed to the background. A year later, this personal appeal to the better angels is a plea in remembrance of that horrible week. There are 19 short pieces. This post is parts 12-13 of 19. The others will be linked here when they are published.

Parts 1-4
Parts 5-8
Parts 9-11

I love you. So I say this. Part 12

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

It’s funny how experiences of the present bring new light to events of the past.

The Church’s actions in the passing of Prop 8 sent me to the brink. I read and wrote and became informed. I blogged at an LDS blog. We became inactive.

Deprogramming is hard. We dipped our toes back into wards here and there, but after the November 5th, 2015, Exclusion Policy, we never really returned. On November 6th, 2015, your son was sitting in the back seat of a car with you for a 2-3 hour ride. He prayed the whole time you wouldn’t bring the Exclusion Policy up in conversation, as he was too wounded to talk about it that day.

All of this was miserable. I know our leaving the Church sent you into a distressed state for a long time. I hated that we had to go through all of this hard work of decoupling ourselves from the Church, even at the expense of others. It was a dark night of the soul.

But now. NOW….

I can look my gay kid in the eye and tell her that we left the Church in part because of its horrible actions and policies against LGBTQ people.

I can point to blog articles I wrote that were later published on NoMoreStrangers.org.

I have a strong narrative that reflects I chose the queer children of God over the Church and its homophobic teachings. I can prove that I never believed God rejected LGBTQ people….that He never rejected HER. I was told he did, and I decided not to worship that fabrication. We took these actions long before we, or she, knew she was gay.

What better legacy could we leave her?

I can hold my head up and know, KNOW, that her life is better because I have not subjected her to years of programming in the Church that may have driven her to depression or self-loathing. My kid can tell me anything about herself, and feel free to do so in safety.

Leaving the Church for the reasons we left it was absolutely the best decision we ever made, and the new reality of parenting a gay teen only seals that to my soul complete. It is worth every ounce of pain we experienced to show your granddaughter these artifacts of our journey that affirm our embrace of her eternal identity and worth as a child of God.

I love you. So I say this. Part 13

“So how are you guys feeling about the Church?”

You probably believe that consequences follow my actions, and you are right. The actions I’ve taken in my apostasy definitely create consequences, and they will continue to do so. Perhaps you ponder the accountability I have for my sins.

I’m sure you feel safe in following the prophet, and believe that only good consequences can come from that. But as you ponder my accountability for my actions, I invite you to consider your own. Your actions, too, have consequences that follow. I am not here to call you to repentance.

You want me to witness the good in the Church, and I testify that I do. I know it well, and you have seen me fully and with all my heart invest in that goodness. I have seen the lit side of the planet.

I ask you to consider to see the darkness too, where the Light does not shine. It is very much there, and it is inhabited by loved ones. Like turning off the porch lights, you cannot properly see in the darkness unless you allow your vision to adjust. If you fear it, you won’t meet those who wander in it. Those who need you.

You may call me to my repentance when you are ready for me to call you to yours. It is a privilege to repent, and together we may get through this.

You cannot say you chose your gay grandchild over the church. You cannot say you thought Prop 8 or the Exclusion Policy were enough of a reason for you to draw a line. You cannot give her a legacy of choosing her first. Maybe it wasn’t on your radar. You didn’t know better. Ok.

Let’s come to now, a year later. Even in your new knowledge that your granddaughter is gay, you do not draw the line. Even now you choose the Church over her. Even now you pay tithing to a cause that makes the world less safe for your own.

Is this a sin? Am I calling you to repentance?

Let’s just call it a choice, a choice you make each day, a choice with consequences.

Young Women Lesson: Why Do I Need the Atonement of Jesus Christ?

 

Jesus on Gethsemane by Jesus Mafa

The lesson plan focuses on the Fall, which is certainly a valid approach.  However, my plan isn’t going to focus on that for two reasons. 1) I find the story of the Fall to be problematic and difficult to teach in a way that doesn’t make womanhood look bad. 2) I think the purpose of the lesson is to teach young women why they need the Atonement, right now, today.

Part I: Redemption from Sin

Create a series of hypotheticals (examples listed below) and invite the girls to take some time to think about what the long-term effects in life might be for those situations.  Girls could discuss in pairs, write in a lesson journal, or prepare to lead the rest of the class in a discussion of their hypothetical.

In this hypothetical world there is no way to undo something you do, to repent, to say you’re sorry.  The mistake defines you forever.

You cheated on a math test in sixth grade.  You were confused and looked at your neighbor’s paper.  Later you wish you hadn’t done it.  You should have just tried your best.  The teacher doesn’t catch you, but since God knows, now you’re someone who cheats on academic work forever.  It says so on every resumé, every application, it says so on your shirt so everyone you meet knows you are a cheater.  How might that affect your life?

Consider: College applications and admissions, being allowed to participate in special programs, study abroad, jobs, raising your own children, being hired or promoted.  Be specific.

At school someone tells you that a popular girl has slept with several members of the football team.  The girl drives you nuts, she always acts so holier-than-thou and self-righteous and now you know….   You decide to tell your friends because she rubs them the wrong way too.  And you tell some of your guy friends because they should know that she might have an STD, you heard, and they should be careful about dating her.  You think it’s true, so it isn’t gossip, right? The girl ends up being homeschooled for the rest of the year because going to school is so hard. Did it really matter if it was true or not? You realize you shouldn’t have participated, and it would have been better to stick up for her and ask people to stop talking behind her back.  But it’s too late.  Her reputation is trashed and she can’t wait to leave the state for college and never see any of you again.

Meanwhile, you are now permanently a gossip, because you can’t undo anything you’ve done.  Every resumé, job application, dating site etc. includes the information that you spread rumors and hurt other people’s reputations.


How might this affect your life? Dating, mission, marriage, jobs, children, friendships.  Be specific.







You get in a fight with your brother about something dumb, but it escalates.  He hits you so you shove him back.  He says something hurtful and you yell “I wish you didn’t exist! I hate you!”   Twenty minutes later your temper has cooled.  You didn’t mean it – your brother is really fun and you love shooting hoops together.  He forgives you, but it’s now a mark on your soul forever.  You are someone who is physically and verbally abusive who makes death threats.  This information will be on every job application, mission application, dating site etc.  It will be on every shirt you wear so people will know that this is who you are as a person.  How will being permanently this person affect your life? Be specific.

Discuss as a class how being able to change and reinvent yourself has benefitted their lives already.  Invite them to consider, and hopefully share, something they’ve done in the past they’re grateful doesn’t define who they are.  Start with your own personal story.

The video in the lesson called “Why We Need a Savior” posits a series of questions – what if we could never take back something we said or did?  It then shifts to talking about turning to the light and the Savior. Watching this video may provide a good segue to the next section.

 

Part II: Strength to Overcome

Invite class members to read the following quote and scriptures:

We can find strength and comfort in this life by accepting His will and knowing that He wants to bless us. We can find the strength to face any challenge, to overcome temptations, and to understand and endure our difficult circumstances.

Elder Gonzalez “The Savior’s Touch”

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

 

Alma 7:11-13

For we know that it is by grace that we are saved after all we can do.

2 Nephi 25:23

What do you think “infirmities” means? How are “pains, sicknesses…infirmities” different from sin? What weaknesses do you have you need help to overcome? What do you think “all we can do” means? Is it the same for everyone? How might the Savior make up the rest when we have done all we can?

Invite class members to think about and share possible situations when the Savior can compensate for our inadequacies. Here are two possibilities, but it might be strongest if you share from your own experience.

Example: Perhaps giving a talk is very scary for you and you know you’ll stare at the paper and talk too fast and you don’t know if you have anything worthwhile to say. (Everyone feels that way!) But if you prayerfully prepare your talk in advance, practice saying it and do your best, then the Savior makes up the rest – the Spirit will speak to the congregation and people will hear what they need to hear regardless of whether you are a professional public speaker.

Example: You have a friend who is struggling with an eating disorder. You do the best that you can to be supportive. You share your concerns with your family and your friend’s. But eating disorders are big problems, and for all your efforts you can’t seem to help your friend heal. You have done all you can do, and the Savior knows that. You feel peace knowing that your efforts are enough and know that the Savior is mindful of your friend and will help.

Part III. Hope for a better world

Invite class members to reflect on someone they have lost – either to death, or moving away.

If they know no one who has left, ask them to think of someone they love and would miss.
You could also invite them to reflect on the devastation of the recent pandemic, and the spiritual effect that has had on those left on earth.
As time or situation allows, ask them to talk about that loved one.  What made that person special?  What is something you miss doing with that person?

Note – if someone in the family is dying, or has recently died, this approach may be too painful.  Keep it classy.

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with a surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of [all people], which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

(Ether 12:4)

You could also invite them to study the scriptures noted in the “supporting resources” that relate to resurrection:

2 Nephi 9:6-16; Alma 42:6-9 (Jesus Christ saves us from death and hell)

2 Nephi 2:5-10; Helaman 14:15-17 (Only through Jesus Christ can we return to God)

What do you imagine your reunion with that special person might be like? What will you want to tell them about the time you’ve been apart? What are you hoping to do with that person on the other side? How do you feel thinking about being with loved ones again?