Exponent II's Blog, page 112
April 26, 2022
Guest Post: Madwoman in the Attic
Guest post by The Last Brontë. The author is a writer, poet, and lifelong seeker of the Divine. Born and raised LDS, the author now seeks mystical experiences from all forms of literature and love.
Photos by Natalia Sobolivska and Max Saeling on Unsplash. Edited by author.Our Heavenly Mother is Jane Eyre’s Bertha Mason. She is the madwoman in the attic, the secret first wife we were never supposed to know about. She was an idea early Mormon leaders flirted with, enjoying the novelty of an idea dismissed by others. After all, Her existence made sense to the cosmology they were building and the boundaries they were crossing. But when push came to shove and the men realized how dangerous to their dominance She was, how hysterical She could be at the wrong moments, they locked Her in the attic and forbade any mention of Her. She was left to wither and die there, forgotten and unknown and unloved.
But no such secrets can stay hidden forever. There were always hints of Her in every moment, in every secret we unlock and song we sing. The servants sometimes hint at Her existence, opaque enough that maybe we heard them wrong but plain enough to make us curious. She finds ways to sneak out of the attic, to warn us of the truth. We hear whisperings and caught secret glances. We are told we are imagining things, that we’re mistaken. She sets a fire, trying to burn Her way out of the prison men built for her. We are informed that it’s an accident, a coincidence, merely the result of an errant spark. She tears our wedding veil in two, showing Her truth in ways only She knows how. We are commanded to never speak of Her, never even think of Her. They tell us She doesn’t matter, never has, and never will. But She will be shoved aside no longer.
She is going to burn the whole thing down.
Will we burn with Her?
This post is part of a series, Contemplating Heavenly Mother. Find more from this series here.
Sliced by Papercuts of Gender Inequality
Four-years-old. Shiny black Mary Jane church shoes on my feet. Likely wearing a dress. It was the early 80’s; my hair was cut in a 1970’s style bob. I sat on the pew in the chapel of a small ward building; my legs barely reached beyond the edge of the bench. Each week I took a piece of bread and a tiny plastic cup of water; the tiny cups were fascinating. I wondered when I would grow tall enough to be able to pass the sacrament.
This is the memory that jumped to mind in answer to a friend’s recent question on Instagram: “How did you come to realize that there is gender inequality in the world and/or the church?”
When my four-year-old self learned that I would never be allowed to pass the sacrament because I was not a boy, I felt disappointment, confusion, and shame. Was I not good enough? If I wasn’t good enough, why not? Was there something wrong with me?
This first memory of gender inequality at church was followed by other similar experiences. Singing ‘I Hope they Call Me on a Mission’ in Primary and standing up in response to the request for those who want to serve to stand only to be told to sit down because I was a girl. Boys served. Not girls. Sitting in a dark chapel watching satellite broadcasts of General Conference and wondering why only one woman spoke during the conference. Watching my 12-year-old crush pass the sacrament because he was a boy. Wondering what it would be like to say the sacrament prayers. Sitting squirmily through Young Women’s lessons singing ‘Why is it when I hear a baby cry/My arms reach out in love I can’t deny/Yes my nature is divine’ and thinking there must be something very undivine about my nature because I did not love crying babies nor did I feel an affinity for children in general. Watching my male peers in the young men scouting program go on campout after campout; high adventures I wistfully wished I could participate in because they sounded like so much fun.
Despite my lack of enthusiasm for the discrepancies I noticed between female and male experiences in the church, I figured there had to be a reason for this. There had to be a reason. There just had to. After all, this was church. As a college student studying abroad in Jerusalem, our group hiked up Mt. Sinai in the middle of a dark night to be at the top for sunrise. As I walked down the mountain in the bright morning, I thought about priesthood and how during Moses’ time only Levites could be ordained to the priesthood. There was a limit at that time on who could hold the priesthood so that must be the reason why black people could not be ordained until after I was born and why females still could not be ordained. Limits on who was allowed. That must be the reason for my experiences. Only boys were allowed to do certain things like camps and missions and I wasn’t a boy.
There is a second part to my friend’s question:“What was your feminist awakening?”
Fast-forward a couple of decades from college. I now have daughters. One daughter who, at four-years-old, asked me the same question about passing the sacrament that I had asked. Our experiences had different endings because I gave her a different answer than the one I received. I told her I did not know why only boys were allowed to pass the sacrament but that it wasn’t ok.
Like many other women, the stirrings of awareness regarding the gender inequality I lived in could no longer be squashed after birthing daughters. Each experience with gender inequality was like a papercut. Exquisitely painful, sometimes slow-to-heal, yet the initial pain passed quickly leaving a wound small enough to be minimized as not a big deal. At the same time each papercut left a scar. I started thinking more carefully about what I had been taught was my role as a female in the church. I compared what I was taught with my continuing experiences in the church. I completed graduate school while working full-time at a professional job with pregnancy added to the mix. My experiences at church as a new mother were hellish. I felt forgotten, erased, and unsupported. The economy was booming when my first child was born and I noticed that several articles in the then Ensign magazine praised stay-at-home motherhood and cautioned against women pursuing professional aspirations. My second child was born during the Great Recession and I noticed that Ensign articles now praised mothers who had continued their education and secured higher paying flexible employment to support their families. I wondered if I was better off making my own choices for my family instead of following the advice of Ensign magazine articles.
I cheered when Bonnie Oscarson gave her last conference address as the General Young Women’s president because in this address she said that every young woman needs meaningful opportunities to serve in the church. Women at Church by Neylan McBaine had been published four years previous to President Oscarson’s talk and I thought that finally someone in general leadership had gotten the message Neylan wrote about in the book. I naively expected that general and ward church leadership would take President Oscarson’s word seriously and implement practices that provided young women with meaningful opportunities to serve. Neylan provides a wealth of ideas to expand the role of women in the church; ideas that all fall within the bounds of the church handbook. I .lso figured that a decent ward council was capable of brainstorming ideas. I had wrestled with questions about how females could serve in the church and assumed that others were also wrestling and troubled by the current structure. I had studied the Doctrine and Covenants and realized that priesthood ordination was not required to pass the sacrament to the congregation. Surely that was an obvious place to start – let the young women and young men take turns or work together to pass the sacrament. What more meaningful service could young women participate in than passing the sacrament?
In the years since President Oscarson’s talk, I have come fully into a feminist In the years since President Oscarson’s talk, I have come fully into a feminist awakening and stoped downplaying, ignoring, and justifying the deep gender inequality in the church. The depth of inequality was hammered home to me a few weeks ago when my ward was dissolved and absorbed into other wards. The reason given is that the composition of ward membership fell outside of requirements for a ward. (Handbook 36.2) Basically, all of the men eligible to be bishop had already been bishop. As the stake president spoke the day the ward was dissolved, he talked at length about the young men and how there were only two young men in the ward to pass the sacrament and that adult males had to participate in blessing and passing the sacrament every week. That the ward had more than enough young women to pass the sacrament never seemed to have occurred to any male leader. It was then that I suddenly realized that it never would. Currently, only men can be ordained in the church. It is irrelevant that priesthood ordination is not required by scripture to pass the sacrament to the congregation. It is a handbook requirement because young men passing the sacrament is the beginning of creating a leadership pipeline to bishop and beyond. (Note: This is not a reflection on any of the genuinely kind people in ward and stake. This is a critique of a system where boys and men are allowed to do more than girls, women, and other genders.)
Only men. Only men. Only men. I know so many good men who are members of the church. These good men (there are bad ones) tend to fall into a few categories: men who are polite yet oblivious that women and gender minorities have a vastly different church experience than they do; men who are aware of the inequality yet are either apologists as I used to be or they are scared and defensive; and finally there are men who see the inequality, empathize with the pain, and speak up for change. I dearly value the men in this last category.
If I could tell my four-year-old self anything, it would be this: You are loved. There is nothing wrong with you. The church you belong to has much work to do. You, my dear, are ok.
A girl similar to how I looked as a four-year-old. Who can look at a child and tell them they are not good enough to do something because of which reproductive organs they were born with?
April 24, 2022
Sacred Music Sunday: Abide With Me
The story of the disciples on the road to Emmaus sticks with me. It takes place a short time after the resurrection of Jesus and is recounted in Luke 24. Two unnamed disciples were walking along the road discussing recent events when someone approaches them and joins their conversation. The person is Jesus, but the disciples fail to recognize him. Jesus asks them what they’re talking about, and they recount the events of the ministry of Jesus, the atonement, and the resurrection. They’re bearing their testimony without realizing that they’re speaking to the very person of whom they’re testifying. Jesus responded by expounding the scriptures to them.
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How often are we walking with Jesus, inviting him to dinner, and failing to recognize who he is? The scriptures say that whatever we do to others we do to him. After the experience the disciples had, they remarked to one another “Did not our hearts burn within us as he opened to us the scriptures?” As we stay in tune with the Holy Spirit, the burning in our hearts, we will be better able to recognize Jesus in our midst and invite him to abide with us.
April 22, 2022
When Did You Realize How Low the Bar Is?
Was there one moment when you realized how low the bar is for men in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? For me, there were a number of such moments – snapshots scattered throughout the past almost-decade of my membership in the Church since I decided to join in 2013. I sometimes wonder if these examples stood out more to me as an adult convert, especially since they so often arose in conversations I had with fellow female members where they didn’t appear to bat an eye.
When I joined the Church as a young adult, I was advised to completely revamp my wardrobe to accommodate the standards of modesty even before I received my Endowment and Temple garment. After hanging out with some guy friends in the ward who were lounging in tank tops, I asked a friend why the emphasis on modesty seemed to fall disproportionately on women. She told me men were more visual than women (which many researchers argue is a myth) and that it was our sacred responsibility to be gatekeepers of the law of chastity, helping men fulfill their righteous desire to avoid sexual temptation. I was shocked at the relative power ascribed to my exposed shoulders and relative weakness ascribed to fully grown, independent, thinking, breathing men.
This despite Jesus’s teaching that those who objectify women are the ones who sin, for “whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). We know from ancient and modern revelation that God “will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Why would anyone teach that this wise counsel stops with men’s ability to control their lust? If we follow Alma’s advice “that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering” (Alma 13:28), then we–men included–can overcome all of our sinful desires including those that seek to dehumanize others as sexual objects.
Another snapshot: after my baptism, I moved to a country where I was the only member at the time. The nearest branch was in a neighboring country multiple hours away, and I never met them once. My wonderful visiting teachers made a habit of video calls with me, friends back home organized a Scripture study via Google Docs, and I tuned into the Church’s worldwide weekly Sacrament meeting broadcast for members like me who couldn’t attend Sunday meetings. However, I found myself yearning for the Sacrament and was frustrated when I learned a single man in my situation could have requested authorization to bless and administer the Sacrament himself. As a woman, I had no such option.
Pursuing a career in international affairs and knowing I could easily find myself in a similar situation again in the future magnified my sorrow. I was taught (and I believe) that the Sacrament is a holy, sacred, necessary ordinance. Reading the Sacrament prayers and pondering them is not the same. If it was, why would we have the ordinance at all? Especially as a convert, I love the opportunity the Sacrament provides to renew my baptismal covenants and partake of a precious ritual I did not have the privilege of knowing most of my life. I later learned my situation was even more common than I thought, as Jana Reiss has noted, “there are more women who do not have access to the priesthood in the home than who do.”
When I returned to the United States, I asked a close friend and lifelong member about the lack of ordination for women. She told me as the sole girl who grew up in a house of many brothers that she was confident about the answer: if they ordained women, all the men would go inactive. She said her brothers had told her so themselves! They needed to feel needed and to have duties that women couldn’t do or they wouldn’t be motivated to stay active in the Church.
I was floored. Women like me – especially women without a sealed family, women with nuanced views, and women with doubts and questions – continue to fight tooth and nail for a place in the Church. We battle judgment from other members and from non-members who can’t understand why we stay. And yet these men confessed they’d leave at the slightest reduction in the special authority and responsibility they hold over others. For some men in the Church, it seems they are more interested in presiding than anything else.
I am not arguing that men in the Church are worse than men elsewhere. But I have seen firsthand how patriarchy in the Church has poisoned our expectations for men. Men are fully capable of being strong and organized and compassionate and faithful instead of depending on the women and gender minorities around them to pick up the slack. And I, for one, have hope that someday we will treat them that way.
April 21, 2022
Guest Art: God the Mother
Guest art by Lauren Walke, an illustrator living amongst the folklore and trees of Appalachia. She creates art based on ritual, stories, and the aspects that call (loudly) to her. More information on her and her work can be found at 9sirenscreative.com.
I took an honest and deep look at Heavenly Mother. I read of Her varied histories and the rituals related to her to better capture her essence in this art. I sought to know and form a relationship with Her, something that had been discouraged in the past. From that seeking I more clearly saw myself in her image and found a broader version of truth. I began to know a maternal figure who was great, compassionate, and glorious.
Intensive research and study gave way to an understanding that would build the foundation of these pieces. Letting the new information settle, intuition and inspiration lead the creation process organically and breathed life into the pieces. My goal through this process was to allow Wisdom Herself to manifest authentically so that I could capture a more tangible representation that embodied Her essence. Through these pieces I shed the idealized and false version of motherhood as a role of domesticity and servitude, often used to represent women as a whole as well as Heavenly Mother. Instead, I worked to uncover and reclaim truer characteristics of the Feminine Divine. I chose to do this by depicting God the Mother’s active relationships with her children in acts of working, comforting, seeing, growing, inviting, teaching, awakening. Layering symbols and truth from the Bible, temple ritual, Mormon history, mythology, and art history to create a rich experience for viewers to find their own meaning and connection. These pieces reclaim a Deity previously shrouded and kept in obscurity. They denounce the idea of Her needing protection from our minds, hearts, voices and instead show Her realistically, powerfully. These portraits are an invitation for others to seek and find their own autonomy and truth through the divinity and wisdom of God the Mother.
This mixed media tryptic was featured in the Certain Women Art Show 2021 at Anthony’s Fine Art in Salt Lake City, Utah.
This post is part of a series, Contemplating Heavenly Mother. Find more from this series here.
Come Follow Me: Exodus 24; 31–34 “My Presence Shall Go with Thee”
In Exodus 31, God commands the Israelites to build a tabernacle. Many Israelite men and women contribute to the project through donations and handiwork.
1 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
2 See, I have called by name aBezaleel the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah:
3 And I have filled him with the aspirit of God, in bwisdom, and in understanding, and in cknowledge, and in all manner of dworkmanship,
4 To devise acunning works, to work in bgold, and in silver, and in brass,
5 And in acutting of stones, to set them, and in carving of timber, to work in all manner of workmanship.
6 And I, behold, I have given with him Aholiab, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan: and in the hearts of all that are awise hearted I have put bwisdom, that they may make all that I have commanded thee;
Exodus 31:1-6
What gifts did Bezaleel and Aholiab have?
How did God want them to use their gifts?
Can you think of any modern examples of people using their gifts for God’s work?
11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man [and woman] is given a gift by the Spirit of God.
12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.
D&C 46 11-12
What does this scripture teach us about spiritual gifts?
Answers may include:
There are many different gifts.
Everyone is good at something.
Most people are not good at everything.
God intends for everyone to benefit from each other’s gifts
One of the great tragedies of life, it seems to me, is when a person classifies himself [or herself] as someone who has no talents or gifts…For us to conclude that we have no gifts when we judge ourselves by stature, intelligence, grade-point average, wealth, power, position, or external appearance is not only unfair but unreasonable…God has given each of us one or more special talents. Socrates made the famous statement, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” It is up to each of us to search for and build upon the gifts which God has given…
Let me mention a few gifts that are not always evident or noteworthy but that are very important. Among these may be your gifts—gifts not so evident but nevertheless real and valuable. Let us review some of these less-conspicuous gifts: the gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still, small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the gift of being a disciple; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer; the gift of bearing a mighty testimony; and the gift of receiving the Holy Ghost.
We must remember that to every man [and woman] is given a gift by the Spirit of God. It is our right and responsibility to accept our gifts and to share them. God’s gifts and powers are available to all of us.
–Marvin J. Ashton, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “There Are Many Gifts”, November 1987
How is accepting our gifts and sharing them both a right and a responsibly?
How can we recognize our less evident gifts?
21 And they came, every one whose aheart stirred him up, and every one whom his spirit made bwilling, and they brought the Lord’s coffering dto the work of the etabernacle of the congregation, and for all his service, and for the holy garments.
22 And they came, both men and women, as many as were willing hearted, and brought abracelets, and earrings, and rings, and tablets, all bjewels of gold: and every man that offered offered an coffering of gold unto the Lord.
23 And every man, with whom was found blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine alinen, and goats’ hair, and red skins of rams, and badgers’ skins, brought them.
24 Every one that did offer an offering of silver and brass brought the Lord’s aoffering: and every man, with whom was found shittim wood for any work of the service, brought it.
Image courtesy of David Padfield/FreeBibleimages.org
25 And all the women that were awise hearted did spin with their hands, and brought that which they had spun, both of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, and of fine linen.
26 And all the women whose heart stirred them up ain wisdom spun goats’ hair.
27 And the arulers brought onyx stones, and stones to be set, for the ephod, and for the breastplate;
28 And aspice, and oil for the light, and for the anointing oil, and for the sweet incense.
29 The children of Israel brought a awilling offering unto the Lord, every man and woman, whose heart made them willing to bring for all manner of work, which the Lord had commanded to be made by the hand of Moses.
Exodus 35:21-29
What do you think motivated so many people to participate in constructing the tabernacle?
How do you think being involved in its creation affected the way each person thought of the tabernacle?
Have you ever been involved in a project that required contributions from many people? What are the benefits and challenges to such collaborations?
The Lord’s storehouse receives, holds in trust, and dispenses consecrated offerings of the Saints. In form and operation, the storehouse is as simple or sophisticated as circumstances require. It may be a list of available services, money in an account, food in a pantry, or commodities in a building. A storehouse is established the moment faithful members give to the bishop of their time, talents, skills, compassion, materials, and financial means in caring for the poor and in building up the kingdom of God on the earth. The Lord’s storehouse, therefore, exists in each ward.
Providing in the Lord’s Way: A Leader’s Guide to Welfare
What offerings of time, talents, skills, compassion, materials, or finances do Ward members contribute to in our Ward?
The Sabbath as a Sign
Upon commanding the Israelites to build a Tabernacle where they could worship, The Lord reiterated one of the ten commandments: keep the Sabbath Day holy.
12 ¶ And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
13 Speak thou also unto the children of Israel, saying, Verily my asabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations; that ye may know that I am the Lord that doth sanctify you…
16 Wherefore the children of Israel shall keep the sabbath, to observe the sabbath throughout their generations, for a perpetual acovenant.
17 It is a sign between me and the children of Israel for ever: for in asix days the Lord bmade heaven and earth, and on the cseventh day he drested, and was erefreshed.
Exodus 31:12-13, 16-17
How is the Sabbath a sign between us and God?
When He later revealed the Ten Commandments to Moses, God commanded that we “remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Later, the Sabbath was observed as a reminder of the deliverance of Israel from their bondage in Egypt. Perhaps most important, the Sabbath was given as a perpetual covenant, a constant reminder that the Lord may sanctify His people.
…How do we hallow the Sabbath day? In my much younger years, I studied the work of others who had compiled lists of things to do and things not to do on the Sabbath. It wasn’t until later that I learned from the scriptures that my conduct and my attitude on the Sabbath constituted a sign between me and my Heavenly Father. With that understanding, I no longer needed lists of dos and don’ts. When I had to make a decision whether or not an activity was appropriate for the Sabbath, I simply asked myself, “What sign do I want to give to God?” That question made my choices about the Sabbath day crystal clear.
—President Russell M. Nelson, “The Sabbath Is a Delight,” General Conference 2015
How do you stay motivated to keep the Sabbath?
Worship Begins at the Tabernacle
7 And Moses took the tabernacle, and pitched it without the camp, afar off from the camp, and called it the aTabernacle of the congregation. And it came to pass, that every one which sought the Lord went out unto the btabernacle of the congregation, which was without the camp.
8 And it came to pass, when Moses went out unto the tabernacle, that all the people rose up, and stood every man at his atent door, and looked after Moses, until he was gone into the tabernacle.
9 And it came to pass, as Moses entered into the tabernacle, the acloudy pillar descended, and stood at the door of the tabernacle, and the Lord talked with Moses.
10 And all the people saw the cloudy pillar stand at the tabernacle door: and all the people rose up and worshipped, every man in his tent door.
11 And the Lord aspake unto Moses bface to face, as a man cspeaketh unto his dfriend. And he turned again into the camp: but his servant eJoshua, the son of fNun, a young man, departed not out of the tabernacle.
Exodus 33:7-11
Antoinette Brown, the first American woman admitted to Divinity School, wrote that she learned to speak with God like a friend during her studies. Antoinette experienced a great deal of discrimination from people who wanted Divinity School to be for men only and little support from other women’s rights advocates, who criticized her for agreeing to the school’s unfair decision to let her participate but not provide her with a diploma at the end like the male students. She wrote this letter to the famous suffragist Lucy Stone about her experience at Divinity School.
I learned then to cast myself on the Lord as I had never done before and I learned to pray to him as I had never prayed before. Perhaps you will think me superstitious, but I have learned to talk with God as I would talk with a friend and I feel that to have His sympathy is all I need. You know we used to wish sometimes that we could live on and feel no need of the sympathy of anyone and I have learned to feel so. I do not mean that I do not wish for sympathy but I can feel perfectly happy without it and when anything troubles me I can tell it all to God and he certainly does comfort me even in the most trifling griefs.
—Antoinette Brown, 1848 Friends and Sisters: Letters between Lucy Stone and Antoinette Brown Blackwell, 1846-93 (Women in American History
Have you ever felt that you could talk with God like a friend?
How do we develop this kind of relationship with God?
12 ¶ And Moses said unto the Lord, See, thou sayest unto me, aBring up this people: and thou hast not let me know whom thou wilt send with me. Yet thou hast said, I bknow thee by cname, and thou hast also found grace in my sight.
13 Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found agrace in thy sight, bshew me now thy cway, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is dthy epeople.
14 And he said, My apresence shall go with thee, and I will give thee brest.
Exodus 33:12-14
What inspires you about Moses’s prayer and the Lord’s response?
Have you had any experiences when you felt the Lord was with you or giving you rest?
In the next chapter, God is literally present with Moses.
6 And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth,
7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.
Exodus 34:6-7
What do we learn about God from these verses?
Joseph Smith Translation, Exodus 34:7 clarifies that God will not “clear the rebellious.”
What might this mean?
These verses seem to portray God as both merciful and vengeful.
How do we reconcile these statements? How do you interpret these verses?
The Golden Calf
The most famous story within these chapters is about the Israelites creating an idol and worshiping it while Moses is away. The manual introduces this story like this. Consider these questions as you read:
As you read Exodus 32:1–8, try to put yourself in the Israelites’ place—you’re in the wilderness, Moses has been gone for 40 days, you don’t know if or when he will come back, and a confrontation with the Canaanites over the promised land is in your future (see also Exodus 23:22–31). Why do you think the Israelites wanted a golden idol? Why was the Israelites’ sin so serious? These verses might prompt you to ponder ways you might be tempted to put your trust in someone or something other than the Savior. Is there anything you feel inspired to do so that you can more completely put God first in your life?
—Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families 2022: Exodus 24; 31-34
1 And when the people saw that Moses adelayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us bgods, which shall cgo before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we dwot not what is become of him.
2 And Aaron said unto them, Break off the agolden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.
3 And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.
4 And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a amolten calf: and they said, bThese be thy cgods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
5 And when Aaron saw it, he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, To morrow is a feast to the Lord.
6 And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought apeace offerings; and the bpeople sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.
7 ¶ And the Lord said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have acorrupted themselves:
8 They have aturned aside bquickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a cmolten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
Exodus 32:1-8
Why do you think the Israelites wanted a golden idol?
What feelings might have led them to idol worship?
What can we do when we might be struggling to keep our covenants?
Is there anything you feel inspired to do so that you can more completely put God first in your life?
April 20, 2022
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month
Trigger warning for mentions of sexual assault, rape, and abuse.
Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on UnsplashI’m a mental health therapist in Utah and treat many survivors of first and second-hand sexual violence. The stories and experiences my clients have been through are traumatic to the core. I am often in awe of what my clients have survived. The bravest choice most of them have ever made was to just keep living.
These are things I think you should know (my apologies that this is USA-centric)
Statistically, every 68 seconds an American is sexually assaulted. Every 9 minutes that person is a child. Only 25 of 1,000 perpetrators end up serving time in prison1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.The Majority of Sexual Assaults Occur At or Near the Victim’s Home
I believe our religious culture of sexual purity makes us believe sexual assault does not happen in our LDS communities. It does. Sexual assault occurs at the hands of average LDS members, sometimes even priesthood holders, sometimes by people in positions of great authority in the church. I have heard countless times, “this person would never do that [sexual violence] because they’re a return mission, priesthood holder, bishop, stake president, etc..” Believe me when I say, someone’s church calling does not make them incapable of becoming a perpetrator.
So how can you help? The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVR) suggestions are:
As a member of a largely LDS community, I would encourage everyone to remember that the proper authorities to report sexual violence to is law enforcement, not LDS Bishops. A member may choose to disclose to a trusted church leader for support, but that ecclesiastical leader should never discourage a member from reporting their assault to law enforcement, and most importantly, call them to repentance for a crime perpetrated against them.
We need to teach our members the meaning of the word consent. And not just the “no means no” variety. I like to teach my kids about enthusiastic consent, or that “yes means yes!” And this for every aspect of their bodily autonomy – whether that’s hugging a relative, holding hands, or yes, sex. When it comes to consent, just remember your FRIES.
Consent should always be:
Freely given
Reversible
Informed
Enthusiastic, and
Specific.
And finally I want to speak to those of us who are reading these words who have been impacted by sexual violence — It’s not your fault. There is no choice you could ever make that would justify the punishment being a crime perpetrated against you. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing, if you were drinking, if you were breaking a rule, or if you chose to engage in some sexual contact with your perpetrator.
It’s not your fault.
In the United States, if you, or someone you know, has been sexually assaulted you can contact the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-4673 or www.rainn.org.
April 19, 2022
Guest Post: But What Is Prayer?
Guest post by Tracy Christensen, who earned her degree in history from BYU and now resides in Montana with her husband and four wonderful children. A lover of mountains and lakes, she appreciates stillness and expanding her understanding through reading, writing, and cultivating connection with herself, the Divine, and others.
They’re afraid I’ll pray to Mother.
But what is prayer. . .
If not the faith in my heart?
The hope that She’s real?
Because I feel that She’s real.
Even they tell me She’s real.
They say we don’t pray to Mother.
But what is prayer. . .
If not a bid to connect?
An eager recollect
Of a bond that’s existed
Since before the world was?
They’ve told me not to pray to Mother.
But what is prayer. . .
If not the most natural expression
Of innate understanding
That I am God’s child and
They want to hear from me?
If prayer is the process of my will
becoming one with the Father’s,
And the guidance I’ve received is
It’s not Me, but We. . .
Then how can I not pray to Mother?
This post is part of a series, Contemplating Heavenly Mother. Find more from this series here.
A Mother’s Sermon
Image source“Mother-centered theology and Scripture do not belong sequestered to the women’s retreat or the mom’s group or once a year on Mother’s Day. They are God’s truth for everyone every day.”
“There is a rich biblical and traditional theology which refers to God as “Mother,” yet we have to dig for resources which expound upon a maternal theological imagery. Rarely are sermons preached on this imagery, and it is not only mothers who need this kind of theological formation. It is needed by all of us because it is who God is as depicted in Scripture.”
Read more about how sermons by mothers can add spiritual depth and insight in this article published by Christians for Biblical Equality
I Don’t Want to Be Like Heavenly Mother.
The Veiled Virgin by Giovanni StrazzaIf heaven is not egalitarian, I’m not interested.
A few years ago, this statement dropped fully formed into my consciousness and looped over and over in my mind. While doing the dishes. While dropping the kids off at school.
If heaven is not egalitarian, I’m not interested.
While sweating at the gym. While trying to read the scriptures.
If heaven is not egalitarian, I’m not interested.
For the first time, my personal scale of “the good outweighs the bad for me” in the church had leveled, and with each grain of sand that further upset the former balance, my conviction that I needed to step back from the church and my fear of doing so increased in lockstep.
I was paralyzed by the enormous stakes of my decision. What if I was wrong and the church was right? What if I died and discovered that I had forfeited my chance at the celestial kingdom, that my choice to not endure to the end had cost me my family?
So I did what I’ve always done when faced with a seemingly impossible decision: I studied it out in my mind. I spent a lot of time thinking about the temple ceremonies and promises, about my marriage and family relationships, about God, about heaven. Flaming up from the glowing embers of my new mantra was a warm sense of calm that came from a different kind of knowing than what was prized in the church: that of knowing myself. And I knew, as I studied through the little that has been revealed about the celestial kingdom, that I could not be happy there.
In the end, Heavenly Mother was the thread I pulled on that unmade the tapestry of my faith. She, or rather the absence of Her, gave me the permission I needed to walk away from the church without fear of afterlife regret. While the idea of worshiping or becoming like a goddess is beautiful and meaningful to me in theory, I have no desire to be like Heavenly Mother in practice. I could never be okay, let alone have eternal joy, if my children weren’t allowed to talk to me, if my husband shouldered all the responsibility and received all the glory, if I wasn’t involved in any visible or real way with my children’s mortality or the creation or the plan of salvation, if I bolstered patriarchy by granting power to my sons and sidelining my daughters. As much as I respect that the doctrine of Heavenly Mother gives many people comfort, the little I know about Her, knowledge mostly gleaned by inference from the goddess-shaped void in scripture, in the temple, and in doctrine, is enough to give me confirmation that I do not want to become like Her, that the celestial kingdom is not the place for me.
Church policy and doctrine allows women the most latitude and authority in the walls of their homes and in their relationships with their children. While husbands still technically preside, the Church generally encourages a mostly partnership model where families are led by a mom and a dad together, jointly parenting and making decisions, even if some of the roles are gendered. The human family, however, is led by the godhead, a trio of males who function as a bishopric or stake presidency, not as two partnered parents.
Imagine if the church encouraged earthly families to function in the way they claim our heavenly family does: children would be taken from and cautioned against speaking to their mothers, who would be present but invisible, perhaps doing unknown and unacknowledged work in the background. Fathers would partner with other men to raise the children and would get squirmy if their children started talking about their mother “too much.” This parallel may feel absurd, but consider what kind of father allows his sons to keep his children from their mother? What good mother is so off limits that her children can’t even talk about her, let alone to her?
Heavenly Mother does not appear in the temple, our holiest place where we learn about our potential as God’s children, except perhaps She is hinted at in the promise that women will be queens and priestesses to their husbands in the new and everlasting covenant while men are promised to become kings and priests directly to God. It’s obvious that “God” in this instance equals God the Father, and this realization made me mourn the lack of matrilineal bond between Mother God and Her daughters. If women were promised to be queens and priestesses to God the Mother, not to their husbands or even to Father God, would the symmetry help to bring balance? As it stands, Heavenly Mother is our one example of what it means to be a queen and priestess to one’s husband in the new and everlasting covenant. If the fulfillment of that highest promise means a woman will lead a protected life in her husband’s shadow during the mortal probation of her children, does that sound like an eternal reward most women would actually want?
If aspiring to become like Heavenly Father were an option for me, perhaps the Mormon model of exaltation would be more appealing. But to be a Mother in Heaven feels like an even worse version of what it is like to be a woman on earth. At least here, parity is a possibility, despite the church’s and world’s proliferation of patriarchy. At least here, I can parent my children and have a true partnership with my husband. At least here, I can be actively involved in building up the kingdom of God, even if my service in the church will always be auxiliary. But in the celestial kingdom, as far as our doctrine and most holy rites are concerned, women will have none of that.
I should be clear that I no longer believe in the Mormon concept of heaven. But if it turns out I’m wrong, the terrestrial kingdom sounds like a much better fit for me than Heavenly Motherhood. According to the church’s gospel topics essays:
“Those who inherit terrestrial glory will “receive of the presence of the Son, but not of the fulness of the Father.”…Generally speaking, individuals in the terrestrial kingdom will be honorable people “who were blinded by the craftiness of men” (D&C 76:75). This group will include members of the Church who were “not valiant in the testimony of Jesus” (D&C 76:79).”
In other words, it’s a place where good people who had issues with Mormonism can live without the strictures of gender roles or patriarchy and worship Jesus. It’s also a place where Heavenly Father apparently can’t (won’t?) go. And that’s just fine with me.
If heaven is not egalitarian, I’m not interested.
This post is part of a series, Contemplating Heavenly Mother. Find more from this series here.
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