Exponent II's Blog, page 107
June 18, 2022
2022 EXPONENT II RETREAT
This year’s retreat is September 16-18, 2022!
We are delighted to announce the details for our 2022 Retreat.
The Exponent II Retreat has been going on since the early 1980s in New England as part of our mission to provide a forum for Mormon adult women (18 years and older) in all our diversity, including those based in how we identify our faith, race, ethnicity, gender (including cis and transgender women, gender-fluid individuals as well as female-identifying intersex women), to share their life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and acceptance.
Registration
This year’s retreat will open for registration on SATURDAY, JULY 2, 2022 at 12:00PM (Eastern Time). There have been years when Retreat has sold out in less than 24 hours, so be ready to register if you are able to join us this year. Registration closes FRIDAY, JULY 8, 2022 at 12:00PM ET.
Location
Retreat is at the Barbara C Harris Episcopal Camp and Retreat Center in Greenfield, New Hampshire. If you are flying in from out-of-state, the nearest airports are Portsmouth or Manchester (both in NH), but it is generally easier to find a ride from the Boston airport, since so many locals drive from there. As the retreat date approaches, we can help coordinate rideshares.
Changes due to COVID-19
As the world is still experiencing the pandemic, the 2022 Retreat will be a little different from previous years.
The Barbara C. Harris Center has some limitations — please review these carefully :
They do not require COVID-19 vaccines for staff, and nor does the 60-person youth group that will be using the venue on the same weekend. In order to keep our attendees as safe as possible, we will require proof of full COVID-19 vaccination in order to attend this year , and we are unable to accept vaccine exemptions.Further to keeping our attendees as safe as possible, children (including nursing infants) are unable to attend this year . We acknowledge this will be disappointing for some attendees. Please consider this when registering. The Barbara C. Harris Center does require masks indoors, except while eating. Please ensure you bring enough masks to meet your needs during the retreat.Keynote Speaker
The Exponent II Board is pleased to announce this year’s Keynote, Allison Hong Merrill!
Allison was born and raised in Taiwan and arrived in the U.S. at twenty-two as a university student. That’s when she realized her school English wasn’t much help when asking for directions on the street or opening a bank account. By recording each of the classes she took and reviewing the tape every night for a year, she eventually learned English well enough to earn an MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts. But please excuse her if she misuses verb tenses or mixes up genders in third-person pronouns when she speaks. It’s no secret––English is hard to learn.
Allison writes in both Chinese and English, both fiction and creative nonfiction, which means she spends a lot of time looking up words on Dictionary.com. Her memoir, Ninety-Nine Fire Hoops, came out in September 2021 and continues to win both national and international literary awards. Get your copy here. Also, sign up for Allison’s monthly email at allisonhongmerrill.com to learn about Chinese culture and get your name translated into Chinese characters.
Cost
The retreat center offers three types of accommodations:
Two beds, attached bath, hotel style in the St John’s Lodge, linens provided
Adult-friendly cabins: $275
4 twin beds per cabin, shared bath, linens provided
10-12 beds per cabin, wooden bunk beds, shared bath, bring your own bedding and towel
See HERE for more details.
We will finalize room arrangements in semi-private and adult-friendly cabins after registration closes. We will try our best to accommodate your requests.
Your registration confirmation email will also include a link to a shared Google Doc to allow for people who need rides and bedding to make arrangements with those willing to provide those services. Be sure to enter a correct email address to get retreat updates!
We work hard to make the retreat as low cost as possible. If cost is preventing you from joining us, please email exponentretreat@gmail.com about the availability of a scholarship.
Retreat Scholarships
We are pleased to announce that there are funds available for scholarships to this year’s retreat. In addition to limited need-based scholarships available, this year we are also able to provide a number of scholarships funded by The Exponent’s Diversity Equity and Inclusion initiative. Ensuring that Retreat is accessible, welcoming, and inclusive is a top priority for the Exponent Board.
If you identify as a gender minority, member of the LGBTQ community, or are a member of the BIPOC community, we would love to support your attendance at the 2022 Exponent Retreat!
To apply for either a need-based or DEI Retreat Scholarship, please fill out THIS FORM.
Waitlist and cancellations
If you would like to come but registration is full, please email exponentretreat@gmail.com to be placed on a waitlist.
If you registered for a space and find that you cannot attend after all, please email exponentretreat@gmail.com as soon as possible and we will do our best to connect you with someone on our waitlist, but we cannot make any guarantees and we cannot issue refunds after Saturday, July 23, 2022. Our cancellation policy can be found HERE.
Location, Arrival/Departure times, and packing list can be found HERE .
Questions? Email exponentretreat@gmail.com
Save the date for next year’s retreat: September 15-17, 2023
General Conference Talks…Again?
The High Council speaker stood up one Sunday in May and began reading from his notes on General Conference. I immediately thought: “And so it begins.”
I’m not sure when LDS church leaders decided to encourage speakers and teachers to regurgitate General Conference talks for the six months between General Conferences. It clearly follows the LDS Church’s love of correlation, uniformity, and sameness. This can be very comforting and uplifting for some. Unfortunately, it’s also problematic. Here’s why:
It’s Often Like Listening to a Teacher Read Aloud From a Textbook. One of the biggest complaints I hear from students about teachers is that they simply read from the textbook during class. Having a teacher or speaker read large chunks of quotes from a conference talk has much the same feeling. Without substantial insight and discussion around the text, students check out. Quite frankly, it’s boring.It Severely Limits Studying the Words of Women. Two women spoke in the April 2022 General Sessions. Neither of them had a title representing any authority. While a few more women spoke at the Women’s Session (I thought we weren’t having these anymore?), those sessions are often passed over for talks and lessons, in my experience. If we primarily quote from recent Conference Talks, we will rarely hear words of wisdom and council from women.It’s Challenging–Even for Experienced Speakers and Teachers. Simply being handed someone else’s words and then being asked to plan a talk or lesson around them is incredibly challenging. First of all, how do you decide how much to review and summarize? How many direct quotes do you use? Is it okay to use the talk as inspiration, but then choose your own focus? What are good questions to ask about the material? What types of group work or activities might add variety or engage different learning styles?What’s my solution? To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure. I know the story of Moses, where he explains to God, “And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” (Exodus 4:10). Moses overcomes these challenges because he trusts in the spirit to help him. I also remember the stories of humble, poor men who became Bishops over wealthy, educated men. There is clearly great value in people finding the speaker and teacher within themselves through spiritual experiences.
That being said, there’s also a reason leaders in other churches earn degrees in divinity and teaching is a specialized profession. Effective, engaging teaching involves planning, variety, activity, and even expertise. When speakers and teachers lean too heavily on source material, such as General Conference talks, they often become stilted and dull. They are also limited in sharing the wealth of examples, quotes, and inspiration that come from books, art, music, and more outside of correlated materials and the words of a few selected men.
The LDS Church has the money and the resources to equip speakers and teachers with more than a selection of talks (primarily from men) every six months. There will never be a perfect speaker or teacher. Students need to come prepared, offer some grace, and supplement with their own experiences and study. But students can also only be so engaged in the constant quoting of talks many of them have already heard.
June 17, 2022
Come Follow Me: 1 Kings 17–19 “If the Lord Be God, Follow Him”
The geographic area encompassing both Phoenicia and Israel was in the midst of severe drought when our story begins. (1 Kings 17:1) Zarephath was part of Sidon, Phoenicia, the hometown of the Israelite prophet Elijah’s mortal enemy, Jezebel. (We’ll discuss her later on in this lesson.) In 1 Kings 17, we read about a woman known only as the widow of Zarephath. Since her name is not given, I will call her “Sister de Zarephath” here.
When the brook Elijah has been drinking from dries up (1 Kings 17:7), God instructs him:
9 Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon [Sidon], and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee.
1 Kings 17:9
Here Elijah is told that God has already inspired Sister de Zarephath to help Elijah, but the details of the spiritual manifestation she received are not available to us because the authors of the text did not know them or choose to write them.
God’s epiphanies are not reserved for princes and potentates; God reveals her presence, power, and providence to whom she will. Often, she chooses the most vulnerable, the outcast, and the overlooked to bear witness to her mercy and majesty. …The widow is desperate and vulnerable, and not an Israelite.
—Gafney, Wilda C. A Women’s Lectionary for the Whole Church, 2021
Elijah and the Widow of Zarephath, courtesy of FreeBibleImages.org
Elijah finds Sister de Zarephath and immediately requests her hospitality, probably unaware of her dire circumstances.
10 So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.
11 And as she was going to fetch it, he called to her, and said, Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand.
12 And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.
1 Kings 17:10-12
Now Elijah knows just how poor Sister de Zarephath is, but he does not relent.
13 And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son.
14 For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth.
1 Kings 17:13-14
Sister de Zarephath has a choice to make.
Why do you think Sister de Zarephath chose to share food with Elijah, although she didn’t have enough to eat herself?How can we find the will to be generous, even when we may not feel like we have much to offer?
15 And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house, did eat many days.
16 And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah.
1 Kings 17:15-16
That is how we feed the hungry today. We give what we have and it will be enough. It will be enough because the God who feeds widows and sparrows will be with us, walking with us, working with and through us and multiplying our meager morsels. We give our money and our time and our activism and our policy experience and our vote. We, ourselves. We live out the hermeneutics of reversal and change the world. We dismantle the structures of inequity without waiting for yet another voice from heaven because people are hungry for more than food. People are hungry for peace. People are hungry for the safety and security of their children, their gay children, their trans children, their non-binary children, their non-gender conforming children. People are hungry for freedom, for the freedom to be who they are on the inside and on the outside. People are hungry for justice in this country, some folks, black folk, are starving for justice. People are hungry for love. And Jesus still says, “You give them something to eat.” You do your work and I’ll do mine bridging the gap between what is possible and impossible. And we will turn this world around because things cannot stand as they are forever. The world is about to turn, in fact the world is already turning. Reversals are not dependent on miracles from Heaven. You give them something to eat. Amen.
How can we recognize when someone is hungry, literally or metaphorically?How can we recognize what we can do to ease someone’s literal or metaphorical hunger?
—Gafney, Wilda C. Hermeneutics of Reversal: Widow of Zarephath, March 18, 2022
In Doctrine and Covenants, we are reminded that with God, “there is enough and to spare.”
How does it change our perspective when we remember that all things on the earth belong to God?What does it mean when the God says that “the earth is full and there is enough and to spare”? How do we apply this knowledge?
13 For it is expedient that I, the Lord, should make every man aaccountable, as a bsteward over earthly blessings, which I have made and prepared for my creatures.
14 I, the Lord, stretched out the heavens, and abuilt the earth, my very bhandiwork; and all things therein are mine.
15 And it is my purpose to provide for my saints, for all things are mine.
16 But it must needs be done in mine own away; and behold this is the way that I, the Lord, have decreed to provide for my saints, that the bpoor shall be exalted, in that the rich are made low.
17 For the aearth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be bagents unto themselves.
D&C 104:13-17
A Vietnamese woman describes how this story gave her hope that a generous person like Sister de Zarapheth would help her and her family when they needed help most, after the fall of Saigon.
How does Sister de Zarepheth’s story give you hope?My family lost everything including our house and our basic needs for survival in this event. …You know, life was very hard after 1975. …My father was sent to a re-educational camp because he was an officer of the old regime, so my family was in great difficulty. In those hard times I remembered the story of Elijah. Elijah was also in a very difficult situation, but God used ravens and a widow to feed him. We prayed together, telling God,”You fed your prophet through the ravens and the poor widow; now please provide for us too.” We just prayed in the morning, and the ravens and widow came in the afternoon.
—Niem T. Vu, quoted by Quynh-Hoa Nguyen, The Widow of Zarephath: A Story of Empowerment in Marginality, 2011
A Latter-day Saint couple shared how the example of Sister de Zarapheth inspired them to increase their fast offerings during a financial recession:
How can we follow Sister de Zarepheth’s example?
Many families throughout the world struggle financially, especially during times of economic crisis. The impact of such a crisis was felt in our local ward several years ago, as we saw several families in need of assistance. At the beginning of that year, our bishop shared with us an invitation from our stake president to give a generous fast offering to help those in need. Although our leaders asked us to look at our individual situations and consider if we were able to be more generous with our fast offerings, they did not specify how much we should give…
As a family, we had been blessed abundantly and we felt a strong desire to increase our fast offerings. Moreover, we wanted our family to overcome the tendency to be selfish. Because we live in a society so focused on acquiring things and filling our own desires, we were concerned that our children might grow up selfish…
Within the first three months of giving a more generous fast offering, we began to see many blessings. We were able to spend less on groceries, and our gas tank seemed to stay full longer. Our children asked for fewer things, and the selfishness in our home almost disappeared. For example, when we contributed to the local food drive, our children began encouraging us to give more…
Our willingness to give a crust has brought us many loaves in return. Our willingness to give generous fast offerings more than doubled our food storage. Indeed, the Lord’s power to multiply five loaves and two fishes to feed 5,000 men, besides women and children, with enough fragments to fill 12 baskets (see Matthew 14:16–21), is the same power that filled the barrel for the widow of Zarephath and multiplied our family’s food storage. Still, our greatest benefit has not come in the form of multiplying food but in the decrease of selfishness and increase of spirituality in our home.
—Po Nien (Felipe) Chou and Petra Chou, Like the Widow of Zarephath: The Miracle of Fast Offerings, Ensign, July 2016
The story continues, and we find that although Sister de Zarephath’s food insecurity problem appears to be resolved, her son is still not safe. In this story her goodness, combined with her boldness in confronting Elijah, is rewarded with a miracle.
Jezebel, a Misremembered Villain
17 And it came to pass after these things, that the son of the woman, the mistress of the house, fell sick; and his sickness was so sore, that there was no breath left in him.
18 And she said unto Elijah, What have I to do with thee, O thou man of God? art thou come unto me to call my sin to remembrance, and to slay my son?
19 And he said unto her, Give me thy son. And he took him out of her bosom, and carried him up into a loft, where he abode, and laid him upon his own bed.
20 And he cried unto the Lord, and said, O Lord my God, hast thou also brought evil upon the widow with whom I sojourn, by slaying her son?
21 And he stretched himself upon the child three times, and cried unto the Lord, and said, O Lord my God, I pray thee, let this child’s soul come into him again.
22 And the Lord heard the voice of Elijah; and the soul of the child came into him again, and he revived.
23 And Elijah took the child, and brought him down out of the chamber into the house, and delivered him unto his mother: and Elijah said, See, thy son liveth.
24 And the woman said to Elijah, Now by this I know that thou art a man of God, and that the word of the Lord in thy mouth is truth.
1 Kings 17:17–24
Jezebel, wife of King Ahab of the Northern Kingdom of Israel, is one of the most notorious female villains of scripture. Here is what we know about her:
Her marriage to King Ahab of Israel was a political marriage, intended to create an alliance between Israel and Phoenicia, where her father, Ethbaal, was king of the Phoenician city of Sidon. (See Cameron B.R. Howard, “1 and 2 Kings” Women’s Bible Commentary by Carol A. Newsom, Sharon H. Ringe and Jacqueline E. Lapsley)Marrying a king did not necessarily make her a queen, as there is no evidence that such a position existed in the Northern Kingdom at that time. (See Cameron B.R. Howard, “1 and 2 Kings” Women’s Bible Commentary by Carol A. Newsom, Sharon H. Ringe and Jacqueline E. Lapsley)Her husband, King Ahab, was a villain in his own right. “Ahab did more to cprovoke the Lord God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel that were before him.” (1 Kings 16:33)Whether the accusation is just or not can be debated, but the authors of 1 Kings blame Jezebel for inciting Ahab’s wickedness. “But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up.” (1 Kings 21:25)Ahab converted from the Israelite religion to the Phoenician religion of his wife, which worshipped a deity names Baal. (1 Kings 16:31)Jezebel killed Israelite prophets (1 Kings 18:4, 13). While this is an objectively evil act, it should be mentioned that according to the text, the hero of the story, the Israelite prophet, Elijah, was also a murderer who killed prophets of Baal. (1 Kings 18:40)Jezebel threatened to kill Elijah, but the fact that he had just murdered her prophets was certainly an extenuating circumstance. (1 Kings 19:2)Jezebel had an innocent man named Naboth murdered because he refused to sell his vineyard to her husband. Then she confiscated the dead man’s vineyard. In this case, there were no extenuating circumstances justifying this act of violence. (1 Kings 21)Elijah accurately foretold the early deaths of Jezebel and her husband, Ahab. (1 Kings 21:19-23; 1 Kings 22:28; 2 Kings 3:33-35)Read the account of Jezebel’s plot against Naboth.
What motivated Jezebel’s actions?What character traits does this episode reveal about Jezebel?How can we guard ourselves against adopting these traits and motives in our own lives?
4 And Ahab came into his house heavy and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him: for he had said, I will not give thee the inheritance of my fathers. And he laid him down upon his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no bread.
5 ¶ But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said unto him, Why is thy spirit so sad, that thou eatest no bread?
6 And he said unto her, Because I spake unto Naboth the Jezreelite, and said unto him, Give me thy vineyard for money; or else, if it please thee, I will give thee another vineyard for it: and he answered, I will not give thee my vineyard.
7 And Jezebel his wife said unto him, Dost thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? arise, and eat bread, and let thine heart be merry: I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.
8 So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name, and sealed them with his aseal, and sent the letters unto the elders and to the nobles that were in his city, dwelling with Naboth.
9 And she wrote in the letters, saying, Proclaim a afast, and set Naboth on high among the people:
10 And set two men, sons of Belial, before him, to bear witness aagainst him, saying, Thou didst bblaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die.
11 And the men of his city, even the elders and the nobles who were the inhabitants in his city, did as Jezebel had sent unto them, and as it was written in the letters which she had sent unto them.
12 They proclaimed a fast, and set Naboth on high among the people.
13 And there came in two men, children of Belial, and sat before him: and the men of Belial witnessed against him, even against Naboth, in the presence of the people, saying, Naboth did blaspheme God and the king. Then they carried him forth out of the city, and stoned him with stones, that he died.
14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned, and is dead.
15 ¶ And it came to pass, when Jezebel heard that Naboth was stoned, and was dead, that Jezebel said to Ahab, Arise, take apossession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, which he refused to give thee for money: for Naboth is not alive, but dead.
1 Kings 21:5-15
Jezebel’s legacy has been invoked often in scripture and popular culture. In the New Testament, the apostle John scolds Christians in the Greek city of Thyatira for falling under the influence of a “Jezebel.”
Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.
Revelation 2:20
Note that this Greek woman was not literally named Jezebel, but rather, John was calling her Jezebel to describe her as evil. He was saying, “She’s as wicked as that Phoenician Jezebel of the Old Testament!” (See: Got Questions? What is the story of Ahab and Jezebel?)
Jezebel’s very name has become an epithet for women with any number of perceived characteristics, from seductiveness to promiscuity to prosperity to self-assuredness to ruthlessness.
—Cameron B.R. Howard, “1 and 2 Kings” Women’s Bible Commentary by Carol A. Newsom, Sharon H. Ringe and Jacqueline E. Lapsley
However, these two women did not share the same sins. Their main commonality was that both happened to be female.
While none of the Thyatira woman’s deeds overlap with those attributed to Jezebel in Kings, this invocation of Jezebel’s name evidences an early example of associating her with a growing array of sinful behaviors, including fornication.
—Josey Bridges Snyder, “Jezebel and Her Interpreters” Women’s Bible Commentary by Carol A. Newsom, Sharon H. Ringe and Jacqueline E. Lapsley
The name of Jezebel has come to be used in our contemporary society as a slur against women perceived to be sexually promiscuous, which is ironic because, while the Biblical authors accuse Jezebel of many serious sins, sexual promiscuity is not one of them.
What can we unpack about our modern assumptions about women from the way Jezebel is misremembered and misrepresented in our modern culture?How do we hear God’s voice?
In all of its condemnatory language about Jezebel, the Kings narrative never comments on her sexuality. There is no indication that she was ever anything but faithful in her marriage to Ahab, and there is no language in the text that unambiguously points to promiscuity. There is one reference to “the many whoredoms and sorceries of your mother Jezebel” (2 Kgs. 9:22), but that language reads as a comment on religious practices—either the practice of cultic prostitution that may have accompanied the worship of some deities, or more likely as a metaphor for religious infidelity. That Jezebel has become associated in the popular imagination with harlotry or sexual indulgence is surely a comment on the images of women in the history of biblical interpretation or on assumptions about female power in our modern culture; the text does not make judgments about Jezebel’s sexuality.
—Cameron B.R. Howard, “1 and 2 Kings” Women’s Bible Commentary by Carol A. Newsom, Sharon H. Ringe and Jacqueline E. Lapsley
In 1 Kings 18 and 19, we read two very different stories about how God manifests Himself.
Fire from HeavenIn 1 Kings 18, King Ahab and Elijah confront each other, with the whole kingdom in audience.
Why do you think the people were couldn’t or wouldn’t answer?Do you ever feel like you are halting between opinions? How do you move forward?
17 ¶ And it came to pass, when Ahab saw Elijah, that aAhab said unto him, Art thou he that troubleth Israel?
18 And he answered, I have not troubled Israel; but thou, and thy father’s house, in that ye have aforsaken the commandments of the Lord, and thou hast followed Baalim.
19 Now therefore send, and gather to me all Israel unto mount Carmel, and the aprophets of Baal four hundred and fifty, and the prophets of the groves four hundred, which eat at Jezebel’s table.
20 So Ahab sent unto all the children of Israel, and gathered the aprophets together unto mount Carmel.
21 And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between atwo opinions? if the Lord be God, bfollow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
1 Kings 18:17-21
The Israelites may have felt they had good reasons to worship Baal despite the Lord’s command, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). Baal was known as the god of storms and rain, and after three years of drought, they desperately needed a storm. And Baal worship was socially accepted and endorsed by the king and queen.
—Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families: Old Testament, 1 Kings 17-19
Elijah decides to settle the question with a showdown between him and the prophets of Baal.
How do you think Elijah found the confidence to know that God would bring down fire at his request?
22 Then said Elijah unto the people, I, even I only, remain a prophet of the Lord; but Baal’s prophets are four hundred and fifty men.
23 Let them therefore give us two bullocks; and let them choose one bullock for themselves, and cut it in pieces, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under: and I will dress the other bullock, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under:
24 And call ye on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the Lord: and the God that answereth by fire, let him be God. And all the people answered and said, It is well spoken.
25 And Elijah said unto the prophets of Baal, Choose you one bullock for yourselves, and dress it first; for ye are many; and call on the name of your agods, but put no fire under.
26 And they took the bullock which was given them, and they dressed it, and called on the name of Baal from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us. But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they leaped upon the altar which was made.
27 And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is apursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.
28 And they cried aloud, and acut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them.
29 And it came to pass, when midday was past, and they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that there was neither voice, nor any to answer, nor any that regarded.
30 And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the Lord that was broken down.
31 And Elijah took atwelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, unto whom the word of the Lord came, saying, bIsrael shall be thy name:
32 And with the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord: and he made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two measures of seed.
33 And he put the wood in order, and cut the bullock in pieces, and laid him on the wood, and said, Fill four abarrels with water, and pour it on the burnt sacrifice, and on the wood.
34 And he said, Do it the second time. And they did it the second time. And he said, Do it the third time. And they did it the third time.
35 And the water ran round about the altar; and he filled the trench also with water.
36 And it came to pass at the time of the offering of the aevening sacrifice, that Elijah the prophet came near, and said, Lord God of Abraham, Isaac, and of Israel, let it be known this day that thou art God in Israel, and that I am thy servant, and that I have done all these things at thy word.
37 Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know athat thou art the Lord God, and that thou hast turned their bheart back again.
38 Then the afire of the Lord fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.
39 And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces: and they said, The Lord, he is the God; the Lord, he is the God.
1 Kings 18:22-39
The results were dramatic, but for most of us, probably not relatable. A more relatable manifestation is found in the next chapter.
A still, small voiceIn Chapter 19, Elijah is hiding from Jezebel in the wilderness, and beginning to despair.
Why would Elijah feel this way, even after calling down fire from heaven?What can we do when we feel despair?4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.
1 Kings 19:4
What can we learn about how God speaks to us from this story?Have you ever heard a still, small voice? How do you feel the Spirit?
9 And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah?
10 And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.
11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
1 Kings 19:9-12
Guest Post: Springtime in the Church
Guest post by Maria Mortensen-Davis. Maria Mortensen-Davis is a poet, amateur naturalist, and currently an at-home parent in her family. She lives in Utah County with her husband and four children, where she spends as much time outside as possible.
I’ve spent many hours this week preparing my garden beds for the season. I don’t enjoy gardening during most of the year, a fact that I manage to forget every spring for a few weeks in a feverish obsession with new growth and sunshine. Easter was last week, spring is on my mind, and it’s time to work in the dirt. It’s been a long winter and all I can think about is late-summer raspberries.
This year we had an unseasonably warm week in mid-March, followed by the usual return of Second Utah Winter, so my kids have been confused ever since the vernal equinox. “I thought it was spring!” they whine to me as I bundle them into winter coats and send them to school in the sleet and hail. I don’t blame them: spring has always been the hardest season for me, too. By the time the weather starts to warm in April I have waited so long and my hopes are so high that I am inevitably disappointed. After months of alpine winter, one warm afternoon isn’t enough to thaw my core; fifty-degree days might as well be twenty, for all the good they do me. Maybe I’m just impatient, but it’s never until summer that I’m really comfortable. Spring is a fickle friend.
I felt that familiar spring delight when President Nelson became prophet and things in the Church started changing at lightning speed. Two hours instead of three. No more Scouting. Ministering instead of Visiting Teaching. Women witnessing ordinances. Now, I thought, it’s happening. Springtime in the church. I’d heard someone describe it that way and it seemed to fit. I felt the same about the concurrent explosion of art, books, and social media content featuring Heavenly Mother. So much new growth, so quickly, after what felt like an interminable period of dormancy. For once, the Church felt not only true but also living. Everything was new and exciting, and more change seemed inevitable.
So when I attended my first endowment session of the new year in January 2019, I was full of that feverish springtime hope. I had been wrestling privately with various parts of the temple ceremony for years—Why did I need to be veiled? Where was Heavenly Mother? Why was Eve so silent? Why was I making covenants to my husband instead of to God?—and when I heard that changes had been made, I was thrilled. I felt seen. Was my crop of faith finally bearing fruit? I spoke with trusted sisters about their experiences with the new wording. I heard rumors that things were “so much better!” I read the Tribune article that informed me I would “see revisions and additions as a leap forward.” I hurried to the temple. Perhaps I should have seen this for what it was–my usual pie-in-the-sky expectations of early spring. But I didn’t. Instead, I found myself weeping hot angry tears in the Celestial room afterward, trying to explain my fountain of disappointment to my husband (and myself). It was painful. I have not often been back. It was that evening, as I sat with my shattered hopes in the endowment room of the Mount Timpanogos temple, that I realized quite clearly that regardless of wording changes, I was still no more than a guest in a man’s church. What was there to celebrate in these changes? Such a tiny gesture, such a bare minimum of respect that only by stark contrast could it be considered equality? A little lip-service could not suddenly make me forget that the hearts of Church leaders were “far from me.”
The Women’s Session of General Conference this April was another late-season blizzard. I had been hoping for more autonomy for the Relief Society; Elder Oaks’ words seemed to grab power back. I had been hoping for more light and knowledge and (dare I say?) worship of Heavenly Mother; Elder Renlund’s talk squelched it. Just when I had allowed myself to believe in growth and change again, Second Utah Winter slammed down and threatened to kill all the blossoms. I’m hurt and confused and hungry. It takes only a cursory study of our church’s history to discover that there have been many such late frosts, storms of change that have removed previous growth. Look back a few decades and you’ll find the resulting dead blooms: financial autonomy of the Relief Society, institutional encouragement of women’s development and careers outside the home, even women’s laying-on of hands to give blessings.
I think I struggle with spring because I don’t trust it: it feels warm and inviting, but underneath it the ground is still frozen. Because even when I believe that summer is inevitable, I also know that Second Utah Winter will have its day, and that makes planning difficult and disappointment likely. It will be weeks, months maybe, before every day is warm. My ancestors must have known this well. They could have told stories about “starving spring”—a time between late winter and spring when food stored from the last harvest was gone, animals were scarce, and a reliable harvest could not be expected for three more months. Unlike the Easter candy my children have been eating this week, spring in this hemisphere has historically held only the promise of nourishment, not its fulfillment. A time for planting crops, but not for harvesting, not even for eating much at all. The flowers on the apricot tree are not popcorn, and they can’t satisfy. A person can still starve in the spring.
It seems like my church participation, lately, consists almost entirely of hollowing out a place in the snow where my divine self can blossom. Of making space for the truth that is witnessed to me. Of reconciling personal revelation with dogma. As Joseph Smith put it, “I want the liberty of believing as I please. It feels so good not to be trammeled.” I was well into adulthood before I discovered that I was allowed to have my own beliefs, that I didn’t have to take everything offered me by authority figures. I’ve now planted some beliefs of my own. I’m experimenting, like Alma encouraged. My new little beliefs aren’t very different from what I was taught in primary, but the small changes make them mine. They feel so true in my body. They’re just sprouting, and I’m tending them carefully and they’re growing beautifully and the fruit looks like it’s going to be very sweet. So why do these spring hailstorms keep coming to trammel them?
I was thrilled a few years ago with what felt like springtime in the church. But I forgot that this is Utah, and in Utah we always have Second Winter. It’s never a gradual warming: always a struggle between darkness and light, yesterday and tomorrow, old and new, cold and warm. We’re in it now. Before you say it, I know: it’s irrational of me to expect an institution as large as the Church to change overnight. And human nature being what it is, the Church is almost as root-bound with old traditions as my front garden beds are from years of weeds. But if you think that’s stopping me, you clearly aren’t familiar with my unrealistic expectations of spring. I’m cold and hungry and eager for summer.
We may be in the fullness of times, but I think we’re early in the spring of it. Perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence that the First Vision, early in the spring of 1820, was followed by decades of tremendous hardship. The continuing restoration, but not the harvest. The fullness of hopes, not the fullness of bellies. Because even now, all is not well in Zion: we have siblings that are starving. Women are hurting. Our LGBTQ+ loved ones are dying. If I, a white, cis-het woman, have begun to feel hungry, how much more malnourished are our Church members who are LGBTQ+ or people of color? We have a past full of racism that is waiting to be reckoned with. There are millions more sorrows “that the eye can’t see.” We are hungry for clarity, truth, and understanding, and even those of us that have faithfully laid by our years’ supply are beginning to run out. We are venturing out of the field not because we are too picky or too ungrateful or too lazy to reap, but because there is nothing left here to sustain us. We are out in the wilderness hunting and gathering whatever nourishment the rest of the world has to offer. Not out of rebellion: out of desperation. Starvation. I think my pioneer ancestors, surviving on the roots of sego lilies, would understand.
I’m trying to find hope in the spring. I have faith in the restoration of all things. I have hope for truth that is clear and resonant, for paradoxes reconciled by Jesus Christ. But a woman cannot live on hope and promises alone. What good is my faith if I starve before any of them are fulfilled? Like my mother Eve, I’m longing for fruit. I want August raspberries, and when it comes to raspberries, a field that is white is not ready to harvest—it’s only in blossom. Many of us are so, so hungry. We need something to live on now.
So as I clear the roots from my garden beds both literal and spiritual, I find myself praying the hungry prayer of my ancestors: Please bless us with good weather for growth. Send a bountiful harvest to nourish and strengthen us. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
June 16, 2022
Healing through Christ
Christ heals a man who is paralyzed
In Matthew, chapter 9, Jesus arrives in Capernaum, and almost as soon as he gets off the boat, a group of disciples bring over a man who is paralyzed. He can’t move, so they carry him in on a bed of some sort.
Jesus sees this poor, suffering man and knows that he has faith to be healed, but this story has a bit of a plot twist. Instead of healing him of his paralysis, he says to him, “Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.” (Matt 9:2, New King James version (NKJ))
As is often the case, there are some scribes in the crowd with an attitude problem who overhear this and don’t like it. Jesus turns to them and says, “For which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Arise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins—”
And here Jesus stops mid-sentence, turns away from the scribes and back to the paralyzed man on the bed. Then he says, “Arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.” (Matt 9:5-6 NKJ)
And this man, who had been paralyzed until that moment, stands up and walks home. (Matthew 9:1-7)
Jesus Forgives Sins and Heals, image courtesy of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint
This is the healing power of Jesus Christ. Power that doesn’t just heal our bodies, but even more importantly, heals us from our sins.
When this man was paralyzed and trapped in his bed, it was obvious to everyone around him—even those grumpy scribes—that his body needed healing. But Christ saw more than a broken body and He healed his soul.
Sometimes, we don’t even know what kind of healing we need, but Christ knows us better than we know ourselves. He promises:
And if men [and women] come unto me I will show unto them their aweakness. …for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.
Ether 12:27
After healing this paralyzed man, Jesus went to dinner with friends. And again, there were people observing him who didn’t like what they saw. They approached his disciples and asked, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (Matt 9:11 NKJ)
Jesus heard them and said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.” (Matt 9:12 NKJ)
Jesus Christ, the Great Physician, seeks out the company of people who are sick in some way, like all of us. We all need healing.
Sister Amy Wright of the General Primary Presidency taught that
[Christ] can heal broken relationships with God, broken relationships with others, and broken parts of ourselves.—Sister Amy Wright, Second Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, Christ Heals That Which Is Broken, 2022
The Sacred Act of Wrestling
Jacob wrestles with God and heals a relationship
As we have been studying the Old Testament, we recently read the history of a family that needed healing. Jacob and his brother Esau were estranged for two decades, until Jacob felt a prompting to return to his homeland and mend the relationship.
As Jacob approached his old home, messengers informed him that Esau was coming to meet him—with a 400-man army (Geneses 32:6). Naturally, Jacob was concerned.
Let me point out here that forgiveness does not require us to put ourselves in danger. In the Abuse section of the church website, it says,
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the offense ever occurred or pretending it never happened. It does not mean that you allow the abuse to continue. It does not mean that it is possible for all relationships to be healed. And it does not mean the offender will not be held accountable for his or her actions. It means the Savior can help you let go.
—Abuse Help: Is it possible to forgive? Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Because the healing power of forgiveness may or may not include reconciliation, we need the guidance of the Spirit to help us navigate the forgiveness process and discern how to apply it in our unique situations.
Jacob Wrestling with an Angel, Bible Pictures and What They Teach Us, Charles foster, 1897, Public Domain
Jacob prayed and that night, he had a visitation from a mysterious messenger. Unlike other scripture stories, in which people listen to angels with reverent awe, Jacob wrestled with the messenger all night.
Reverend Emily M. Brown says:
When we hear this story, perhaps it can remind us that there is no shame in wrestling. …Faith is not some fragile knick-knack that must be carefully kept on a shelf, guarded from the elements, handled with kid gloves. God is not brittle or breakable. God can endure our questions, our doubts, our fears, our wonderings. God’s love is strong enough to persist through long dark nights of wrestling.
— Rev. Emily M. Brown, August 4, 2014, Wrestling with God
As he wrestled, Jacob told the messenger, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” (Genesis 32:26)
The messenger said, “What is thy name?’ (Genesis 32:27)
Rabbi Neal Loevinger says:
What’s so striking about our passage is that Jacob receives a question in response to his demand for a blessing — it seems to me that the question itself is the blessing he receives.
The right question, at the right time, from the right person, can change a person’s life, enabling them to see and understand themselves in an entirely new light. When God asks a question, it’s not for the sake of an answer, but for the sake of an inner response, a change in the person.
Who am I? What is the name I have made for myself, and what is the name I am capable of achieving? Just to ask the question can move us towards a better answer — just to ask the question, and thus demonstrate our capacity for growth and introspection, is one of the greatest blessings we have as human beings.
— Rabbi Neal J. Loevinger, Why the Angel Asks Jacob His Name
It wasn’t until after the messenger left that Jacob realized, “I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” (Genesis 32:29-30)
Reverend Brown says:
Perhaps, like so many before and after him, perhaps including us, Jacob recognizes God not in the moment of wrestling, but as he reflects on his experiences.
— Rev. Emily M. Brown, August 4, 2014, Wrestling with God
When Jacob finally meets Esau, Esau’s reaction is completely different from what Jacob had feared.
And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him: and they wept.
Genesis 33:4
What brought about this change? Elder Neil A Maxwell said:
By itself, of course, the passage of time does not bring an automatic advance. Yet, like the prodigal son, we often need the “process of time” in order to come to our spiritual senses. (Luke 15:17.) The touching reunion of Jacob and Esau in the desert, so many years after their sibling rivalry, is a classic example. Generosity can replace animosity. Reflection can bring perception. But reflection and introspection require time. So many spiritual outcomes require saving truths to be mixed with time, forming the elixir of experience, that sovereign remedy for so many things.
—Neal A. Maxwell, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Endure It Well” General Conference April 1990
The Sacred Act of Waiting
A psalm about forgiveness
Sister Wrights talks about waiting as part of the healing process.
Oftentimes we can find ourselves, like the lame beggar at the gate of the temple, patiently—or sometimes impatiently—“wait[ing] upon the Lord.” Waiting to be healed physically or emotionally. Waiting for answers that penetrate the deepest part of our hearts. Waiting for a miracle. Waiting upon the Lord can be a sacred place—a place of polishing and refining where we can come to know the Savior in a deeply personal way. Waiting upon the Lord may also be a place where we find ourselves asking, “O God, where art thou?”—a place where spiritual perseverance requires us to exercise faith in Christ by intentionally choosing Him again and again and again.
—Sister Amy Wright, Second Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, Christ Heals That Which Is Broken, 2022
The Psalmist wrote about the sacred act of waiting in a poem about seeking forgiveness.
Out of the adepths have I cried unto thee, O Lord. …There is aforgiveness with thee… I await for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
Psalm 130:1,4-6
This is a kind of hope we might aspire to: to expect the Lord’s forgiveness with as much confidence as we expect the sun to rise in the morning. But even as we hope, we must acknowledge that healing may be a life-long activity. Not all wounds can or will be healed during this life, and the process of healing does not always follow a neat, onward and upward trajectory. At times, we will experience relapses and setbacks. Healing is an ongoing process of wrestling and waiting.
The Sacred Act of Seeking Help
A song about mental illness
Let me tell you about some modern psalmists, composer Jolene Meredeth and lyricist Emma Lou Thayne, who wrote the hymn, Where Can I Turn for Peace? They called that hymn their “mental illness hymn” because they wrote it while Jolene was coping with a mental illness and Emma Lou was helping her daughter recover from anorexia. (History of Hymns: Where can I turn for peace?; Hope and Recovery by Emma Lou Thayne and Becky Thayne Markosian)
At the beginning of the song, they ask the kinds of questions any of us might ask when coping with mental illness or any other debilitating problem.
Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice, I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where when my aching grows, where when I languish, where in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
—Where can I turn for peace? Lyrics by Emma Lou Thayne and Music by Joleen G. Meredith. Hymns, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
These kinds of questions and struggles are universal, but we often feel like we are the only ones experiencing them. Only Christ can see into our souls, and it is a human tendency to compare our innermost failings with other’s most public accomplishments.
Sister Wright reminds us that this limited perspective applies even to our scripture heroes. She says:
Often the scriptures give only a small portion of someone’s life, and based on that portion, we sometimes tend to exalt or condemn. No one’s life can be understood by one magnificent moment or one regrettable public disappointment. The purpose of these scriptural accounts is to help us see that Jesus Christ was the answer then, and He is the answer now.
—Sister Amy Wright, Second Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, Christ Heals That Which Is Broken, 2022
In the final verse of the hymn, Where Can I Turn for Peace?, Meredeth and Thayne answer their questions, and their answer is Jesus Christ.
He, only One.
He answers privately, reaches my reaching in my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching.
Constant He is and kind: love without end.
—Where can I turn for peace? Lyrics by Emma Lou Thayne and Music by Joleen G. Meredith. Hymns, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Christ is the Great Physician, but we should also seek out the help of qualified, earthly physicians as we seek healing. Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland taught:
Seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. …If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation.
—Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Like a Broken Vessel, 2013
Sister Reyna Aburto, who was Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, adds that we share in the work of healing.
As disciples of Jesus Christ, we have made a covenant with God that we “are willing to bear one another’s burdens” and “to mourn with those that mourn.” This may include becoming informed about emotional illnesses, finding resources that can help address these struggles, and ultimately bringing ourselves and others to Christ, who is the Master Healer.
—Sister Reyna Aburto, Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me! 2019
Some of my favorite heroes from history were healers. Dorothea Dix was one of the first people to look at people with mental illness and see them as people in need of healing, instead of as problems to be disposed of, locked up and hidden. Her efforts led to our modern mental healthcare system. Clara Barton noticed a disconnect in how we were treating injured soldiers; providing them with medical care too late, and after a long journey that only made their condition worse. She brought medical care to the people where they were and when they needed it, right on the battlefield. Inspired people like them and many modern, human healers have advanced the Savior’s mission. I am grateful that we have professional healers to help us on our healing journeys.
The Sacred Acts of Choosing and Remembering
Christ has healing in his wings
Malachi taught that “the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in His wings” (Malachi 4:2, NKJ) It’s a metaphor that brings to my mind images of a magnificent angel, or even a superhero, swooping in from heaven to save us.
But when Christ used this metaphor, he described himself as a humble chicken. Chickens don’t even fly! But not just any chicken—a mother hen. A mother who loves us and wants to heal us, but can only help us if we come when we are called. To the people of Jerusalem he said,
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which kill[s] the prophets, and stone[s] them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!
Luke 13:34
When Christ spoke to people of the Americas in the Book of Mormon, He used the same metaphor, and added to it, first reminding them,
How oft have I [already] gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you.
3 Nephi 10:4
Can you remember a time when you have felt the healing power of Christ? Remembering is a sacred, healing act. Christ taught Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery that when you “desire a further witness,” the first step is to “cast your mind” back to remember the spiritual experiences you’ve already had. (D&C 6:22)
But like the people of Jerusalem, the people of the Americas had also lost opportunities to find healing under Christ’s wings, because they had chosen not to come. But they hadn’t lost their only chance. Christ also added a promise for the future.
…how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart.
3 Nephi 10:6
The offer is on the table. The choice to be healed rests with us.
This is the transcript of a Sacrament Meeting talk delivered by the author in her home ward in South Jordan, Utah in June 2022.
June 14, 2022
Out and Loud Representation
Not all representation is helpful representation. Below, I list a few of the ways we can improve LGTBQIA representation in visual media, as well as a suggestion for each category.
Center LGBTQIA identities as one part of a normal and lovely aspect of our identity, not some “deviant” alternative identity that occupies the entirety of a person’s life. People are far more nuanced and interesting than just our sexual or gender identity. Several reality shows do this well, namely, many seasons of Great British Bake Off and every season of Glow Up.Portray character development in more complex ways than just coming out. While it is important to portray the reality of coming out, showing how characters grow in multiple ways will allow for deeper audience connection. Schitt’s Creek does this beautifully.Accurately show Black, Indigenous, Latiné, and Asian LGBTQIA people. The Watermelon Woman is a complex and gorgeous example of how this can be done. Reservation Dogs is another of my favorites and I can’t wait for the new season.Accurately show disabled and neurodivergent LGBTQIA people. Special is written by and stars Ryan O’Connell, a gay man with cerebral palsy. It’s funny and real, a difficult combination to get right.People in the LGBTQIA community need to tell and act the stories. LGBTQIA identities aren’t just re-writes of cisgender/heterosexual identities, and that sort of intimate, real-world writing can only come from someone in the community. Fortunately, this is happening more and more. Umbrella Academy and Steven Universe are two powerful examples.Fight bi/pan conversion therapy. Being bi/pan doesn’t mean someone becomes straight if they have a relationship with someone of the opposite gender. First of all, because there are so many genders that there really isn’t an “opposite” gender. Second of all, that isn’t how being bi/pan works: it’s an identity, not a t-shirt. Owl House handles this topic (and many others) in a fun, age-appropriate way. Heartstopper is another good source for bi-discovery.Quit outing LGBTQIA characters as a major plot point. The consequences for an LGBTQ person being outed range from a minor shoulder shrug to the literal death of the LGBTQ person. We don’t need more movies that show a traumatic outcome for LGBTQ people. Additionally, repairing a friendship after being outed takes more than a smile and an invitation to reengage. The relationship may never be repaired. All of these issues, which are very real and important, are so focused on in the context of LGBTQ representation that it’s become cliche. Not only is it boring, but it’s a form of trauma porn and we don’t need it. She-Ra Princess of Power and Better Things are two examples of doing this better.Show characters who know who they are from a young age and live openly as well as characters who are going through the process of learning about themselves. Both are valid, and both show the reality of how we come to understand ourselves and our place in the world. Young Royals, Sex Education and Hearstopper have lovely plot lines around the complexity of knowing gender/sexual/romantic identity. If I’m honest, I would recommend these three for every category because I love them so much.Model friends and family maintaining strong relationships with the LGBTQ character. Modeling better behavior encourages people to do better. On a hopeful note, the younger generation is less likely to abandon a friend for “coming out.” Many LGB teens now don’t have an official “coming out.” They date who they date and they don’t grill each other about it. For trans youth, the situation may be different depending on when they start living their authentic gender. If a child knows when they’re 5 that they’re trans or non-binary or gender fluid, they don’t need to have a big coming out moment because their peer group has always known them in that context. Show this path, too. Star Trek—Discovery rocks at this. I also recommend the reboot of One Day at a Time. They also show love and support for each other in ways that some shows don’t.Just as a straight person isn’t responsible for someone else’s romantic feelings for them, it is not the job of the gay character to know when their straight friends are in love with them. Nor should they be responsible for how a straight person responds to being rejected. In fact, can we just stop with the trope of “straight character/gay character in love?” Crush and Single All the Way demonstrate this.Gay people do not need to perform romance for straight people. At the end of Love, Simon, there’s a sweet, but very public, kiss. And it is adorable. It gives me all the feelings. However, gay people have been physically attacked for refusing to kiss each other in front of straight people. Gay people are not here to entertain straight people. They do not owe anyone a performance of their sexuality or romantic attachment. How to Get Away With Murder and Our Flag Means Death are pretty cool and, as far as I remember, there’s no “public performance LGB sexuality for the entertainment of straight folks” plot line. And with Viola Davis in HTGAQM and Taika Waititi in OFMD, they’re glorious shows to watch.LGBTQIA people don’t need to be rescued by cisgender, heterosexual people, so let’s stop showing that entire theme. That isn’t good allyship and it reinforces a false narrative that LGBTQI people need be saved. Relatedly, while cisgender, heterosexual people shouldn’t rely on the LGBTQIA community to solve all our problems, there are amazing ways the LGBTQIA community has shown up for other historically oppressed people. While I haven’t seen a movie about it, Angela Davis and the Black Panthers worked (still work) for the liberation of gay people. If you know a movie about it, I would love to have some recommendations. Another example is Pride, a movie which portrays the true story of the lesbian and gay community’s support for the British miners’ strike in 1984. If LGBTQ people are the antagonist, it should not be because of their LGBTQ identity. And it should never, ever be about pedophilia. We’ve had enough of that grotesque myth and it literally kills LGBTQ people. Pose handles this well. The characters are nuanced, sometimes showing up in amazing ways and sometimes failing. Just like real life.Notable mentions:
Sense8, Shadow and Bone, Screaming Queens: The Riot at Compton Cafeteria; The Other Two.
Further reading:
The importance of accurate representation
I’ve seen Young Royals so many times that I stopped counting once I reached 50.
June 12, 2022
You Know Someone Who’s Had an Abortion
Content Warning: abortion, infertility, pregnancy loss
Statistically, you probably know someone who has had an abortion. Were you a safe enough person for them to trust with that information? Did you work to create an environment where they were less afraid of being open about their experience? Maybe you were the one who had the abortion. Did you feel like you could talk about it with others close to you or that it was something you had to go through alone?
I know of at least four women who have had an abortion. These women come from different generations and walks of life, and they have different religious beliefs or non-beliefs. One is an atheist, one is a non-denominational Christian, one is Catholic, and one is Mormon and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Like most abortion patients in the United States (though it is worth noting only two of the four are American), all of them are mothers.
I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t always been a safe person to whom to disclose an abortion. Well before I converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a young adult, I was rigidly pro-contraception but anti-abortion. I believed life must begin at conception because I couldn’t imagine when else it could be. To declare any other moment (e.g., the heartbeat, the first movement, etc) the start of life seemed arbitrary to me.
What I didn’t realize then was how arbitrary of a measure conception is as well. Why not implantation? Why not viability? After all, if life begins at conception then natural procreation is not only inefficient but murderous. About 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, but if you add the number of fertilized eggs that never implant or never develop to the point of detection then that percentage is much higher. Why would God allow so many children to die unborn and unknown?
In this context, the logical conclusions of the belief that life begins at conception are problematic for even the most staunch pro-life advocate. If the loss of a fertilized egg is a death equal to the loss of a full human life, then we should prevent as many deaths of the unborn as possible. It is easy to imagine a near future scenario where advancements in in vitro fertilization and other reproductive technologies yield a success rate for viability higher than sexual intercourse.
In that case, the belief that life begins at conception would lead to the inevitable conclusion that conceiving via sexual intercourse, a method that would result in countless preventable deaths of human beings, is unethical and selfish. Even though millions of people want to outlaw abortion to prevent the loss of life defined as a fertilized egg, I have yet to meet a single person who is comfortable with the idea of outlawing sexual intercourse that could result in pregnancy once technology makes it possible to save many of the fertilized eggs that would have been lost by natural miscarriage.
The views of leaders and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on abortion have changed significantly. (It’s worth reading Em’s posts on Utah abortion history in the 19th century for more context: Part 1 and Part 2.) Today, the Church website notes that prophets have denounced abortion but immediately acknowledges that abortion is not only permitted but may even be justified “when pregnancy is the result of incest or rape, when the life or health of the mother is judged by competent medical authority to be in serious jeopardy, or when the fetus is known by competent medical authority to have severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth.” What strikes me about these exceptions is that they are highly personal: no one looking at someone from the outside can truly know the circumstances of the pregnancy, the physical and mental health of the pregnant person, or the condition of the fetus. Those details are between the pregnant person and their doctor. As TopHat wrote eight years ago, this stance makes the Church by definition pro-choice.
As I have grown older and become a mother and listened to those around me share experiences of infertility and miscarriage and abortion, I realized that we know nothing about when life begins. At first, this idea disturbed me. If we don’t know exactly when life begins, then how do we know exactly when terminating a pregnancy is equivalent to terminating a life? Over time, I have come to believe that no matter how far science progresses we can never truly know this information. With mere human understanding, we are incapable of comprehending something as profound as Life and Beginning in the way God can, at least not in this mortal sphere.
What does this mean for us? For me, it’s meant approaching the issue of abortion with greater compassion for others and greater humility for my own limitations than ever before. 1 Nephi 11:17 gives us a model for faith in such cases when our knowledge is meager: “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” It is impossible to know all things, but it is a commandment to love God and to love one another. Is the way we talk about abortion showing love to God and others? Or are we casting stones?
Most people don’t identify with either extreme when it comes to stances on abortion but rather have nuanced views somewhere between “always illegal” or “always legal”. Conversations with one another are crucial for reducing stigma, increasing understanding, and advocating for better policies. We don’t have to have all the answers about abortion but rather can ask ourselves important questions about our own thoughts and actions.
Would you change the way you talk about abortion with your family, neighbors, and friends if you knew someone among them had had one? Would you change the wording of your social media post or refrain from posting it altogether if you knew it would cause additional pain to someone who had had an abortion or was considering one? Would you open your heart and mind to increased understanding if someone you love shared their experiences with you? Would you put your political views aside long enough to minister to someone who needed your help or kindness? In my experience, those small and simple changes in priorities and perspectives can make all the difference.
June 11, 2022
On the Intimate Betrayal of Patriarchy
When we were young, we lived in a newlywed glow but didn’t know it. We painted castles in the sky and held hands and shared housework.
But then, little by little, socialized expectations set in.
My feminist husband, respectful and kind and determined to love me passionately as myself
Who never once balked at my feminist critiques of religions and systems
Sat down.
Clouds, courtesy of Edward Stojakovic via FlickrMarriage is complicated.
Some days I remember the mountain of kindnesses, too numerous to catalogue
But also
One day he got sick. Very sick.
And I took the reins with no one to shelter
Or anticipate my hurt
Or prepare a place for my weary feet.
We had such dreams of égalité
An equal yoke, unused
We slipped into hierarchy the way some people slip into a bathtub
I don’t often slip into bathtubs anymore
And now I am never sick or hurt or tired
Not enough, anyway, to warrant a rest.
Sleep, yes, but I miss the tenderness
I hold up the heavens with an aching back
While my husband lay weary beneath the stars
There’s a touch of oppression in being indispensable
More than a brush as the years go on
The castle we built in the sky was made of clouds
And the wind blew.
It wore him down.
It wore me down too.
June 9, 2022
Roots
“There is that in me – I do not know what it is – but I know it is in me.”
Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, 50
My great-grandmother’s handwriting loops and ducks, evidence of her existence. We are separated by time but death has made space irrelevant. I like to think of my great-grandmother existing in death, existing where I can’t see her because of time, but she exists right here by me.
Great Grandma Emma died the year I was born. We’ve never met, but my mind is filled with stories of her: sauteing onions and garlic in butter, slicking back pigtails with curls and ribbons, reading women’s magazines, inviting “bums” from the railroad in for a meal, living in a chicken coop, and repeating the homily “an injustice takes two people, one that’ll do it and one that’ll let them.”
There she is. I can’t touch her, time doesn’t let me, but there she is in the stories, handwriting, and fabrics she stitched. Although her body is gone, Great-Grandma Emma holds space in my memory and my mind; the science of our DNA, the verbal stories, and the unsaid, unrealized similarities she shares with my mom, aunts, and grandmother pull her through time to me.
When my one-year-old daughter yanked a crockpot of bubbling barbecue chicken onto her head and I pulled her little body from the boiling red sauce on the vinyl floor, I begged, “Oh please,” thrusting my baby under the faucet of cold water. Her flesh was red with welts. Realizing there were no cuts or bruises, I waited for the blisters, the horror of my sweet baby’s skin falling off, but, miraculously, it didn’t.
While I held my wet girl sleeping in a towel, the memory of Emma held me. I realized that in my panic, instead of praying to God, I prayed to my human great-grandmother. My mom was hundreds of miles away, my grandmother thousands; space seemed much more difficult to circumvent than time and God seemed far out of reach, so it was Emma right there by me. I wished she could have collected her atoms into one glowing apparition like men have testified of in scriptures, but I knew she would have if she could. And she kind of did.
Part of the miracle of this experience happened a hundred years ago in the generous way my angel grandmother lived her life. The person she was shaped my mom’s and my grandmother’s memory of her that they gave to me. Thus, when, as a young mother, I pulled my baby from boiling sauce and gashes on the floor and walls, my great-grandma whispered in my memory. We were no longer separated by space or time—because she lived and died, she was there when no one else was.
Faith in God is slipping from my body like condensation on a cold day. With God vaporizing around me I am left clinging to photocopies of my grandmother’s handwriting and stories of women who lived; I am left clinging to the magic of human stories and the way they can hold me tighter than God ever did. By only looking beyond the canopy of leaves for God and angels, I forgot to look down. Down at the dirty roots beneath the soil that gave me life. Down at the human family whose miracles are the stories that bring them right here to me.
Perhaps, this is how scriptures started out. Maybe they were just stories of human families and how they understood their world. Perhaps, the miracle of the stories was the ability to bring these humans through space and time, pulling them into the memories of the reader where stories could hold them when they needed it most. Perhaps, scriptures were human and real but we no longer understand them. Perhaps, scriptures were not meant to be stagnant bricks trapped in the past, held and thrown into the faces of others, but stories to teach us how to tell stories, living stories that matter, stories that bring divinity into granddaughter’s kitchens, stories about precious humans with roots, not just leaves.
I want to thank the women who gave me my great-grandma Emma; I know that I am privileged to hold an oral history of a woman whose blood pulses through me. This is my scripture. Through the stories told by the women around me, my great-grandmother entered my kitchen just when I needed her most; through their stories, I found the veins of divinity. I want to thank them for the stories of a human woman who loved her family. Who ached for her unborn babies and the babies she was forced to bury. She wore clip-on earrings, loved conversations and stories, and always let her grandkids eat in front of the television. She suffered and sang and spent the last years of her life crippled with strokes. She was human. She was real.
She still exists. Right here within me.
June 7, 2022
Guest Post: Root Out Racism
By Miriam
Miriam is finishing her PhD at the University of Oregon and is en route to the University of Memphis where she’ll be an Assistant Professor of Criminology starting in August 2022. She lives with her husband and three girls.
Let’s flashback to just over two years ago. I had recently started writing my PhD dissertation which uses a Critical Race Theoretical (CRT) lens to focus on the School to Prison Pipeline (the idea that marginalized kids are more likely to be suspended or expelled unfairly which puts them at risk for adult incarceration). Back then, few people outside of academic circles knew what CRT was.
When the 2020 viral video footage of George Floyd being murdered by a police officer led to one of the largest worldwide protests, our public rhetoric changed. You remember it. We got emails from institutions like our car insurance companies, our yoga studios, our employers, and our healthcare providers denouncing racism in our communities. President Nelson, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, encouraged members to “root out” racism. Social media posts, discussions with neighbors, and dinner table conversations focused heavily on the problem of racism.
The topics I was studying suddenly became something everyone was discussing. I was hopeful. People were discussing systemic racism and ready for deep change.
However, as the months passed, pushback against the new rhetoric built. Donald Trump declared CRT anti-American and, as of today, 7 states have banned the teaching of CRT and 16 more are considering a ban. Followers of this right-wing ideology often say that racism is about a few bad people, but it isn’t systemic and teaching it to kids as systemic is morally wrong because it just makes the kids feel bad unnecessarily. I also hear people counter that right-wing ideology and say things like, “Calm down, kids aren’t being taught it anyway, so what’s the problem?”
I’m here to counter both those sides. Teaching racism as anything but systemic is morally wrong as it cannot lead to real solutions. And I want to further say that we can’t dismiss CRT as something elitist that kids aren’t being taught – we should be teaching it to our kids and we need to be teaching it to them young!
CRT scholar Charles Lawrence III suggests looking at racism as both a crime and a disease. The crime part is usually easy to detect – atrocities against a subgroup. For example, statistics show that there is racial inequality in education, healthcare, the workforce, housing, criminal justice, and religion. These are crimes that are hard to deny. However, some people look at those statistics and think it comes down to a few bad cops, a few bad teachers or a few bad doctors. This is where it is necessary to examine it as a disease – and this part is a little trickier. When we’re talking about racism as a disease, we have think about the systemic nature of the disease. We note that everyone in society is affected by this disease. Even solutions to the disease are contaminated by the disease itself. If we want to follow that prophetic call to “root” this out, we have to know where the “root” is. We have to acknowledge the disease, talk about it, teach it, and start thinking of solutions. So, let’s start by talking about the “root” of it in our society today. From my dissertation:
According to Critical Race Theory (CRT), racism exists in the U.S. not as an unfortunate occurrence that can easily be corrected by law, but rather as a foundation on which the U.S. was built (DeMaske, 2009). Many scholars argue that the very foundation on which the Constitution was written was racist due to the manner in which the U.S. was formed and developed; a process which involved, among many atrocities, the forced resettlement and massacre of Native Americans and use of slave labor of Africans (e.g., DeMaske, 2009; Hannah-Jones, 2019; Wallis, 2007). Though the Civil Rights movement made progress in combatting racism, the main goal of the Civil Rights movement was to change laws (not the foundation of the U.S.) and according to CRT theorists, merely changing laws is not sufficient to fixing the problem of racism (Greene, 1995). Often laws aim to create “neutrality” or “equality,” but they define neutrality using a White lens (Crenshaw et al., 1995). Rather than being truly neutral, individuals are forced to conform to the dominant White culture (Crenshaw et al., 1995; Graf, 2015) which disenfranchises, demeans, and erases Black culture and Black experiences (Crenshaw et al., 1995). This creates a form of “silent genocide” where, instead of creating equal opportunity for all, citizens of the country are expected to conform to the dominant culture to succeed (Peller, 1995).
The country has a very deep-seeded root of racism. Just removing a couple bad apples isn’t going to get rid of that root. Time to talk about it, time to admit it, and time to start thinking of real solutions that involve everyone in our society.
