Jane Jago's Blog, page 6

Word of the Day – Fantastic

In an effort to educate the nominally literate and inform those with sufficient humility to understand their own lack of comprehension, Esme offers the correct definition of misunderstood words…

Fantastic(noun – pronunciation note: Fanta stick) Wooden ‘handle’ used to eat iced lollies made from a particular brand of sweet lemonade. Example: The fantastic was now covered in melting iced lolly, which was happily running down little Jenny’s arm and making the sleeve of her cardigan a soggy ...

Dai and Julia – The Auction House

In a modern-day Britain where the Roman Empire never left, Dai and Julia solve murder mysteries, whilst still having to manage family, friendship and domestic crises…

This was one of the two major auction houses in Viriconium that specialised in antiques. It was also the place that, according to his own records, Vibius did the most trade. They had swooped on the owner just as an afternoon auction had finished.
Justina Cynddylan was a harassed-looking woman in her fifties, wearing a fine qualit...

How To Be Old – A Beginner’s Guide! (13)

Advice on growing old disgracefully from an elderly delinquent with many years of expertise in the art – plus free optional snark…

I am old, and today I lunched well
As my squiffy legged progress might tell
For the bottle of wine
That looked really fine
Is gone – nothing left but the smell

Jane Jago

How To Be Old – A Beginner’s Guide! (13)

Advice on growing old disgracefully from an elderly delinquent with many years of expertise in the art – plus free optional snark…

I am old, and today I lunched well
As my squiffy legged progress might tell
For the bottle of wine
That looked really fine
Is gone – nothing left but the smell

Jane Jago

Aeva’s Challenge – I

A tale of angels, demons and dragons…

Aeva’s peaceful existence was rudely interrupted by a summons to the Hall of Guardians. She pulled up the hood of her simple grey robe and walked quietly to the portal. When she was admitted to the presence of the Guardians themselves, she sensed a rare disquiet.
Thor stood to greet her, before speaking in his darkly thunderous tones. “Five days ago we lost a Messenger. Looked like an open and shut case of stupidity. He was young and crass, and thought he ...

Granny’s Pearls of Wisdom – Botox

Pearls of wisdom from an octogenarian who’s seen it all…

As a woman whose face has more furrows than a ploughed field, you can probably guess my stance on this subject.

Firstly: At what point did it become sensible to inject your face with food poisoning?

Secondly: Has nobody explained how frigging stupid you look when the only facial expression you can muster is vague surprise.

Thirdly: This doesn’t so much make you look young as desperate

Fourthly: If you stopped pulling the dis...

Darkling Drabble 4

A darkling drabble offers a shiver of horror in a hundred words…

It was quiet in the forest. Too quiet. The small things made no noise, and the busy brown birds hushed their chatter. The old woman sniffed the air. A smell of man sweat made her wrinkle her nostrils even as she climbed into the arms of a tall tree. The witch hunters dragged their prey into the clearing, laughing coarsely. She was young and might have been comely once; now she was just a smear on the forest floor. A smear whose ...

Word of the Day – Conjunction

In an effort to educate the nominally literate and inform those with sufficient humility to understand their own lack of comprehension, Esme offers the correct definition of misunderstood words…

Conjunction (noun – pronunciation note: con junction ) A system of road signs set up to lure unwary drivers into the hands of thugs and thieves. Example: the conjunction set up on the back road into town netted the criminals two sports cars a lorry load of cigarettes and an elderly whore with bun...

Dai and Julia – Trouble Ahead

In a modern-day Britain where the Roman Empire never left, Dai and Julia solve murder mysteries, whilst still having to manage family, friendship and domestic crises…

They were having a fine day out on the hills. Felix had mastered the rudiments of riding quickly and today he was managing to control his stubborn little mount so well that Caudinus had abandoned the leading rein. Having eaten the lunch Cookie packed for them, Felix was running around playing at being a legionary soldier whilst ...

How To Be Old – A Beginner’s Guide! (12)

Advice on growing old disgracefully from an elderly delinquent with many years of expertise in the art – plus free optional snark…

You are old, and you should be depleted
Modern techno should have you defeated
But you bought an iPhone
Never leave it alone
And I’m shocked by the filth that you tweeted

© jane jago