Patrik Edblad's Blog, page 9

March 25, 2021

Small Goals: A Simple Strategy to Stay Motivated

Are you familiar with this scenario?

You’ve set a big goal that you’re excited about. And initially, you make some progress toward it.

But fairly soon, life starts getting in the way. You get interrupted a few times and lose your momentum.

And from that point forward, your goal stops pulling you forward and starts weighing you down.

For each day that passes, it seems increasingly daunting. And eventually, you give up, slightly more discouraged than you were before.

If you can relate to this scenario, you’re not alone. We’re all susceptible to the planning fallacy: a strong tendency to underestimate the time needed to complete a future task.

When we set goals, we don’t make room for unexpected interruptions. Instead, we assume that everything will go exactly according to plan.

So, when we bring our optimistic plan to our unpredictable life, it quickly falls apart. In the wise words of boxing legend Mike Tyson:

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.

If you constantly set unrealistic goals, you’ll keep getting knocked down. As a result, you’ll almost always feel like you’re behind.

And that’s problematic because it’s crucial for your motivation to feel like you’re making progress1.

Every step forward makes the next step forward more likely.

So, I invite you to try a radically different approach. Put your big goals to the side, and set small goals instead.

Make them so easy that you’re basically guaranteed to achieve them. That way, you’ll create a margin of safety that protects against the inevitable interruptions of life.

And that will make it possible for you to consistently make progress, build your motivation, and achieve many more goals in the future.

FootnoteThe Power of Small Wins

The post Small Goals: A Simple Strategy to Stay Motivated appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on March 25, 2021 00:55

March 19, 2021

The 3-3-3 Method: A Simple Framework to Achieve Your Goals

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been doing some work for my good friend Daniel Sjöstedt.

Daniel is a mental trainer and runs the popular Swedish podcast Monkey mindset.

He’s also a very knowledgeable guy, and I always learn a lot from him.

A while back, he shared a particularly useful idea with me.

He calls it The 3-3-3 Method, and it works like this:

Every quarter, you set three goals that you want to achieve in the three months ahead.Each week, you define the three objectives that will have the most impact on your quarterly goals.Every day, you choose the three tasks that will help you make the most progress toward your weekly objectives.

The beauty of this framework is that it provides clear direction and deep focus in everything you do.

All of your daily tasks move you toward your weekly objectives, and your weekly objectives move you toward your quarterly goals.

And since you’re limited to only three tasks, objectives, and goals, you’re forced to continually work on what’s most important.

I’ve implemented The 3-3-3 Method in my own work, and it’s been incredibly impactful.

So much so that I’ve started teaching it to my coaching clients and, apparently, in my writing. 😊

I hope you’ll give The 3-3-3 Method a try. Three months from now, you’ll probably be happy you did.

Thank You…

Daniel Sjöstedt, for teaching me The 3-3-3 Method.

The post The 3-3-3 Method: A Simple Framework to Achieve Your Goals appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on March 19, 2021 02:53

September 17, 2020

To Live a Good Life, You Need Solid Cornerstones

We all have many areas of our lives that we would like to improve. In fact, there are so many of them that it can get overwhelming.


If you’ve ever tried setting goals for every major category like your career, finances, health, family, education, personal growth, and so on, you probably know what I mean.


It’s easy to spread yourself too thin and make very little progress in all of them. And that’s why I find this little piece of wisdom from Sigmund Freud so helpful:


Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.


These two areas are really all you need to master. If you do, everything else will tend to take care of itself. So, let’s explore what it takes to put these cornerstones solidly in place.


Deep Focus

Human beings have a unique tendency to think about stuff that is not going on around them. Unlike other animals, we spend a lot of time contemplating what happened in the past and what might happen in the future.


In a 2010 study1, psychologists Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert investigated this tendency for mind wandering. They developed an iPhone app that contacted people at random intervals to ask them:



How they were feeling.
What they were doing.
What they were thinking.

They collected an impressive database with more than 250.000 responses from about 5.000 people around the world. When they analyzed the data, they found something interesting.


Whatever the participants had been doing — whether it was having sex or doing the dishes — they were happier if they were intensely focused on the activity.


In terms of happiness, what they were doing was less important than how present they were while doing it. The researchers summarized their findings this way:


A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost.


This is an important insight because it teaches us how we need to approach our lives. We need to bring a deep focus to our cornerstones of work and love.


Deep Work

According to computer science professor Cal Newport, you can do two types of work2:



Shallow work, which is non-demanding, logistical-style tasks that are usually performed while distracted. It’s work that creates little new value and is easy to replicate. For example, reactively answering emails.
Deep work, which is performed in a state of distraction-free focus and pushes your skills to their limits. It’s work that creates lots of new value, improves your abilities, and is hard to replicate. For example, writing a chapter of a book.

Newport makes the case that deep work is becoming increasingly more rare and more valuable. These days, most people fill their days with shallow work while very few do deep work. As a result, people who cultivate the ability to go deep will thrive in the modern economy.


You shouldn’t try to put in long hours. You should try to put in intensely focused hours. That’s how you get into the highly enjoyable flow state and produce truly meaningful work.


So, schedule recurring time blocks where you do nothing but deep work. At the beginning of these sessions, turn everything off. Put your phone in flight mode, close your email inbox, and shut the door.


When you approach your work this way, you’ll be amazed by how much you’ll accomplish - and how satisfying you’ll find the process.


Deep Love

In a study called The iPhone Effect3, researchers brought people into a lab and split them into two groups:



The participants in the first group got to sit down and talk to a stranger while a smartphone was visible on the table next to them.
The participants in the second group got the exact same assignment, but instead of a smartphone, a notebook was visible instead.

When the researchers interviewed the participants afterward, the group with the smartphone out reported a significantly lower quality of interaction than the other group.


Interestingly, the phone had been completely silent. The screen was dark. And none of the participants owned the phone. Still, the mere presence of the smartphone was enough to diminish the quality of the interactions.


Of course, it gets even worse if it’s your phone, and you continually pick it up to check the latest push notification. When you do that, you signal to the people around you that they’re not worthy of your full attention. And that’s a surefire way to kill your connection and damage your relationship.


Just like distractions ruin your flow at work, they ruin your presence in your relationships. So, just like you need to practice deep work at the office, you need to practice deep love at home.


Pick a time when you shut off all distractions each day to focus entirely on your family and friends. Give your loved ones your full attention, and your relationships will thrive.


Quick Summary

“Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.”
“A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.”
Happiness requires that you focus deeply in the areas of love and work.
Practice deep work to get into the flow and produce meaningful work.
Practice deep love to be present and cultivate thriving relationships.

Footnotes

A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind
Deep Work by Cal Newport
The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices

The post To Live a Good Life, You Need Solid Cornerstones appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on September 17, 2020 02:34

September 10, 2020

To Be a Winner in Life, You Need to Master the Fundamentals

Throughout his career, basketball coach John Wooden led his teams to a total winning record of 664-162. At times, his teams seemed nearly unbeatable with winning streaks as long as 88 games in a row.


Wooden was awarded the NCAA College Basketball Coach of the Year six times and was eventually inducted in the Basketball Hall of Fame1. Today, many sportswriters consider him the most accomplished coach that ever lived. Not just in basketball — but in all of sports history!


And one of Wooden’s central teachings is just as useful in life as it is in basketball.


Master the Fundamentals

Each year, on the first day of practice, Wooden led a peculiar exercise2. He asked all of his players to remove their socks and shoes. Then he proceeded with a careful demonstration of how to put them back on properly.


This seemed very odd to the players who already had substantial experience dressing for basketball. But when Wooden explained his reasoning, it made sense.


If you don’t put on your socks properly, you risk getting blisters. And if you don’t tie your shoes correctly, you risk getting sprained ankles.


That, in turn, might cause some players to miss practice. If they can’t prepare together, they won’t play their best. And if they don’t play their best, they may not win.


Championships are built on a strong foundation. And there’s nothing more fundamental for a basketball player than putting their gear on the right way.


The Fundamentals of Life

John Wooden taught his players strong fundamentals are a prerequisite for success in basketball. And the same is true for the game of life.


If you want to feel great and perform at your very best, there are three critical areas you have to master:



Sleep
Nutrition
Movement

If you take care of these areas, you’ll approach each day calm, focused, and energized. If you neglect them, you’ll constantly struggle with stress, brain fog, and fatigue.


Sleep, nutrition, and movement are basic, simple, and mundane areas of life. But they’re still incredibly important — precisely because they’re so fundamental.


So, from now on, make sure you give these fundamentals the proper care and attention. That will make you much more effective in everything else that you do.


1. Sleep

Imagine if you saw this advertisement:


INCREDIBLE BREAKTHROUGH!


Scientists have discovered a new treatment that makes you live longer. It improves your memory and creativity. It makes you more attractive. It lowers sugar cravings and keeps you slim. It protects you from colds, the flu, diabetes, dementia, and cancer. It decreases the risk of heart attacks and strokes. It even makes you feel happier. And it’s free!


You’d be very interested, right? Luckily, this treatment is readily available to you. It’s called sufficient sleep.


According to leading sleep researcher Matthew Walker, nothing in this made-up advertisement would be inaccurate. All the benefits listed have been well documented in over 17,000 scientific reports.


If you want to feel great and perform at your best, you need to get sufficient sleep. For the vast majority of people, that means 7-9 hours per night. Some people can get by on less, but they are exceedingly rare.


What’s more, research shows we’re terrible at noticing our performance decline when we’re sleep-deprived. So, if you think you need less than 7 hours per night, you’ve probably just gotten used to being sluggish.


Matthew Walker’s number one piece of advice for getting healthy sleep is to stick to a sleep schedule3. Human beings are creatures of habit, and we have a hard time adjusting to irregular sleep patterns.


So, count backward from when you’ll get up and set a bedtime alarm 7-9 hours before that. Make sure to include time for winding down in bed. You’ll know you’re getting sufficient sleep when you feel energetic, wide-awake, and alert all day long.


2. Nutrition

Each time you visit the grocery store, you have the opportunity to boost your health, well-being, and performance.


Good foods help you stay alert, energized, and productive throughout the day. Bad foods have the opposite effects.


And that’s why proper nutrition is so crucial. It provides your body with the building blocks and fuel it needs to stay healthy and achieve your goals.


So, what should you eat? Nutrition expert Michael Pollan provides a simple answer to that question that is worth memorizing4:


“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”


Let’s unpack that statement so we can understand each part a little better.



Eat Food

You should eat real food and avoid processed stuff. Here’s a good rule of thumb: If your great-grandmother didn’t eat it, you shouldn’t either. If you follow just this one rule, your nutrition will be pretty great.
Not Too Much

Most of us consider it normal to eat until we’re full. But in many cultures, people stop eating before that point is reached. Stop eating when you’re about 80 percent full, and you’ll avoid over-eating.
Mostly Plants

Fruits, vegetables, tubers, whole grains, and legumes are great for your health, well-being, and performance. You don’t have to go entirely plant-based, but it’s a good practice to be “plant-biased.” Actively look for plants to add to your meals, and you’ll gradually build a better diet.

These are great guiding principles. Put them into practice, and you’ll provide your body with the fuel and building blocks it needs to function optimally.


3. Movement

Since the dawn of humanity, we’ve been hunting, gathering, dancing, walking, running, jumping, climbing, crawling, lifting, swimming, fighting, and having sex.


The demands of these activities have shaped us from head to toe. Your body was designed to move. Every function in your body requires movement to work optimally.


And to move sufficiently throughout each day, it’s crucial to understand the difference between exercise and movement. You can think of it this way; movement transcends and includes exercise5.



Lifting weights at the gym is an example of exercise. Taking the stairs at work is an example of movement.


This distinction is important because it’s possible, and very common, to be both active and sedentary. Even if you show up at the gym every week, your body will still suffer if you spend the rest of your time sitting.


Exercise is important, but you also need to move throughout each day. And a great way to get moving is to establish micro, mini, and macro movements6:



Micro movements are simple shifts from static to dynamic.
Mini movements are slightly longer dynamic movements.
Macro movements are typical exercise sessions.

By regularly engaging in all these movement levels, you give your body all the activity it needs. I recommend you start by creating an if-then plan for each kind of movement. For example:



Micro movement: If I open my email, then I will stretch my back.
Mini movement: If I get out of bed in the morning, then I will do five minutes of yoga.
Macro movement: If I leave the office on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, then I will go running.

When you’re consistently executing these movements, you can keep adding new ones. That way, your small tweaks will compound into significant changes over time.


Quick Summary

Strong fundamentals are a prerequisite for success.
The fundamentals of life are sleep, nutrition, and movement.
To master your sleep, stick to a consistent sleep schedule.
To master your nutrition: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
To master your movement, establish micro, mini, and macro movements.

Footnotes

John Wooden
Wooden by John Wooden
Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker
In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan
Move Your DNA by Katy Bowman
PNTV: Don’t Just Sit There by Brian Johnson

The post To Be a Winner in Life, You Need to Master the Fundamentals appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on September 10, 2020 05:03

September 3, 2020

This is How to Build Good Habits

Your life today is essentially the sum of your habits in the past.


The quality of your health, work, and relationships all depend on the habits you’ve had until now.


So, when you learn how to build good habits, you can build a good life.


You’ll find every behavior change strategy you need in this article.


But first, we’ll explore the basic anatomy of habits.



How Habits Work

Researchers at MIT have discovered a simple neurological loop that underlies every habit. This “habit loop” has three parts1:




The cue is the trigger that starts your habit.
The routine is the actual habit itself.
The reward is the benefit you gain from doing the habit.

If you enjoy the reward, you’ll want to repeat the routine again the next time the same cue shows up. When this loop gets repeated enough times, it will become automatic, and a habit will be formed.


Here’s a relatable example: Your phone gives off a notification sound (cue), you pick it up and open the relevant app (routine), and get to know what the notification is about (reward).


With time, this loop is so automatic that you don’t even think about it anymore - you just do it.


Knowing that all your habits work this way is very useful because it allows you to deliberately design your own habit loops.


By creating your own cues, shaping your routines, and adding compelling rewards, you can build unshakable habits.


Keep on reading, and I’ll show you how.



1. Create the Cues
1.1: Use If-Then Planning

An if-then plan2 is essentially an algorithm that you program your mind with.


It’s a super-simple yet highly effective behavior change strategy. Hundreds of scientific studies show that if-then planners are about 300 percent more likely to achieve their goals4.


So, how does it work? All you have to do is fill out this simple formula:


If [situation] - Then I will [habit].


The beauty of this little algorithm is that it forces you to turn vague intentions into specific objectives.


“I want to be more present with my kids,” becomes “If I’m coming home from work, then I will put my phone in flight mode.”


When the situation arises, there’s no hesitation or deliberation. You simply execute the algorithm.


So, think of yourself like a robot and the if-then plans as the code you program yourself with. It sounds silly, I know, but it works.


1.2: Build Habit Stacks

A habit stack4 is basically a series of if-then plans following each other. The formula looks like this:


After [Habit 1], I will [Habit 2] → After [Habit 2], I will [Habit 3], etc.


This strategy allows you to turn individual tasks into one single action where each habit acts as a trigger for the next one.


Habit stacking is useful when you have several small behaviors you want to do every day. Let’s say, for instance, that you want to create a solid morning routine. Your habit stack might look something like this:


X minutes of yoga → X minutes of reading → X minutes of meditation → Take a shower.


If you just do your first yoga exercise, that will initiate the rest of the morning routine. And the more times you complete your habit stack, the more automatic the sequence will become.


1.3: Design Your Environment

If you’re like most people, you assume that you do what you do because of who you are. But in reality, a lot of what you do is simply the result of where you are.


The triggers in your environment have a considerable effect on your behavior. For instance:



If you have cookies on your kitchen counter, you’re likely to eat them.
If you have credit cards in your wallet, you’re likely to spend money.
If you have games on your phone, you’re likely to play them.

In many ways, you shape your environment, and then your environment shapes you. So, make sure that your surroundings support the behaviors you want.


Make your desired habits as easy as possible to do and undesired behaviors as hard as possible to do.



2. Shape the Routines
2.1: Get Into Flow

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s defines flow as5:


A state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.


Research shows that people tend to be happiest and most productive when they’re in the flow state.


So, it’s a good practice to optimize all your habits for this state. And the way to do that is to aim for the “flow channel:”



If your habit is too hard, you’ll feel anxious. If your habit is too easy, you’ll get bored. But if it’s right in the sweet spot where your skills match the challenge, you’ll find it enjoyable.


Recalibrate your habit until you’re in the flow channel, and you’ll be drawn to it naturally.


2.2: Use Commitment Devices

A commitment device6 is a way of proactively locking yourself into a desired course of action. It’s something you put in place now to prevent slip-ups later. Here are some examples:



Cutting up your credit cards to avoid mindless spending.
Getting a long-term gym membership instead of one-day passes.
Buying junk food or candy in small packages rather than large ones.
Installing an extension like News Feed Eradicator for Facebook to avoid wasting time online.
Using an app like Moment to set daily usage limits on your phone.

A carefully selected commitment device can change your behavior overnight. So, take some time to think about how you can bind yourself to your desired habit.


2.3: Leverage Social Influence

Much like your physical environment shapes your behavior, so does your social context. And probably much more so than you think. For instance, fascinating research shows that:



If you share rooms with a student who has good grades, your GPA will increase, too7.
If your colleagues are often late for work, you’ll be much more inclined to come in late8.
If you’re a woman and your coworker recently had a baby, you’re more likely to get pregnant9.
If your friends, siblings, or coworkers get a divorce, you’re more likely to get divorced as well10.
If you have a friend who becomes obese, your risk of also becoming obese increases dramatically11.

The takeaway? Surround yourself with people you want to be like. If you do, your behavior will naturally conform to theirs.



3. Add the Rewards
3.1: Celebrate Small Wins

In a perfect world, the reward for a good habit would be the habit itself. But, as you may have noticed, that’s not how it works. In the beginning, there’s usually nothing inherently rewarding about it.


The first couple of times you go to the gym, there won’t be any noticeable difference in your physique. It will probably take months before you start seeing results. And it’s usually not until then that it gets easier to exercise for its own sake.


So, before you reach that point, you need to create your own immediate rewards. And the simplest and most effective way to do that is through behavior expert BJ Fogg’s “celebration” technique12.


Each time you’ve completed your habit, do a quick celebration! For example:



Do a fist pump.
Tell yourself, “That’s like me!”
Put on a big smile.

By deliberately self-generating positive emotions, your brain will pay attention. It will come to associate your habit with feeling good. And that will make you more likely to do the routine the next time the trigger shows up.


3.2: Get Yourself Addicted

Every behavior you do involves several brain regions and neurochemicals. But the neurotransmitter dopamine plays an especially important role13.


Unlike what many people think, dopamine is not released during a reward, but in anticipation of a reward:


“I’m getting a reward.”


When you know that a reward is coming, dopamine makes you crave it. And interestingly, if there’s uncertainty about that same reward, your dopamine levels will shoot through the roof:


“I’m MAYBE getting a reward.”


The more uncertain the reward, the more dopamine will come pouring into the brain. That’s why casino games are so incredibly addictive. You know you might get a reward, but you don’t know when.


And you can use the same psychological mechanism to your advantage by creating what I like to call a habit reward lottery. Let’s say, for example, that you want to become a good runner. Your prizes could look something like this:



Water bottle
Pedometer
Heart rate monitor
Running shoes
Entry to a marathon (Jackpot!)

Write your prizes down on winning tickets and mix them with a bunch of blank tickets. Then, each time you’ve completed your habit, you reward yourself with a ticket.


Whether or not you win, you can be sure that your dopamine levels will spike and make your habit loop much stronger.


3.3: Track Your Progress

One of the easiest and most effective ways to change your behavior is to measure it. Research shows that merely asking people to track what they do immediately and significantly improves their performance in that area.


For instance, studies show that people who use pedometers will increase their physical activity by 27%, resulting in them walking at least one extra mile per day on average14.


What gets measured gets improved. So, anytime you want to create a new habit, you might want to track your progress in a habit calendar (click to download):



Write the habits you want to track in the top row and put the calendar on a wall where you’ll see it often. Then check off each habit after you’ve completed it.


That way, you’ll create a visual representation of your progress that can work as a powerful motivator. And more importantly, you’ll collect valuable data that you can use to analyze your results, adjust your approach, and build increasingly stronger habit loops.



How to Build Good Habits, In Summary
1. Create the Cues

1.1: Use if-then planning. If [situation] - Then I will [habit].

1.2: Build habit stacks. After [Habit 1], I will [Habit 2], etc.

1.3: Design your environment. Make good habits easy and bad ones hard.


2. Shape the Routines

2.1: Get into flow. Make sure your habit is neither too easy nor too hard.

2.2: Use commitment devices. Proactively bind yourself to your good habits.

2.3: Leverage social influence. Surround yourself with people you want to be like.


3. Add the Rewards

3.1: Celebrate small wins. Each time you’ve completed your habit, do a quick celebration.

3.2: Get yourself addicted. Add uncertain rewards with a habit reward lottery.

3.3: Track your progress. Use a habit calendar to measure your efforts.




Footnotes

How Habits Work
Implementation Intentions and Effective Goal Pursuit
Get Your Team to Do What It Says It’s Going to Do 
Habit Stacking by S.J. Scott
Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Commitment device
The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor
Employee Lateness Behavior
Businesses, Buddies and Babies
Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Unless Everyone Else is Doing it Too
The Spread of Obesity in a Large Social Network over 32 Years
Rewire Your Brain
Dopamine Jackpot! Sapolsky on the Science of Pleasure
Pedometers Help People Count Steps to Get Healthy

Thank You…

Eric Barker, James Clear, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Stephen J. Dubner, Charles Duhigg, BJ Fogg, Heidi Grant, Peter Gollwitzer, Steven Levitt, Robert Sapolsky, and Steve Scott for influencing my understanding of habits.


If you enjoyed this article, I highly recommend you check out their work.


The post This is How to Build Good Habits appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on September 03, 2020 00:26

August 25, 2020

How to Create a Keystone Habit Calendar

I’ve tried countless self-improvement strategies over the years.


Most of them were fruitless. Some were somewhat useful. And a few were life-changing.


The strategy I’m going to tell you about today belongs in the latter category.


It’s super-simple, and yet it can have a considerable impact on how you think, feel, and perform every day.


To understand how it works, I first need to emphasize…


The Power of Keystone Habits

Have you ever noticed how some of your habits tend to “spill over” and affect other aspects of your life? These are your keystone habits.


As an example, one of my keystone habits is running.


Whenever I run consistently, a series of positive knock-on effects follow: I sleep better, I’m way more productive, I eat healthier, and I feel better in general.


Conversely, whenever I don’t run consistently, my sleep suffers, my productivity declines, I eat more junk, and I feel much worse.


Just like a keystone at the top of an arch holds other stones in place, running is one of the keystone habits that keep the rest of my life in place.


keystone habits

If I remove running from my routine, all of my other habits come crashing down, too.


The Keystone Habit Calendar

It’s easy to let your keystone habits slip out of place. But they’re actually also pretty easy to keep in place.


I’ve found that if I just track these behaviors, I’m way more likely to keep doing them. So, I’ve devised a simple tool I call the Keystone Habit Calendar. It looks like this (click the calendar to download it):



Here’s how it works:



Write down your keystone habits in the top row.
Check off each habit as you complete them each day.
Celebrate every checkmark.

This simple tool can be remarkably effective because:



It creates clarity. You’ll have a visual representation of precisely what habits to focus on every day.
It offers rewards. Each checkmark creates a sense of accomplishment that helps reinforce the behaviors.
It provides feedback. The checkmarks in your calendar become valuable data that you can use to improve in the future.

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? So, what habits should you track in your calendar?


Energy, Work, and Love

There are countless habits you could add to your daily routine. But if you’re anything like me, adding a lot of them gets overwhelming quickly.


And that’s why I like to keep my habit tracking as simple as possible. I pick no more than three behaviors to track, but I make sure they’re all keystone habits.


That way, I’ll give myself the best chance of completing them all, whether I feel like it or not. And as I keep adding checkmarks to my calendar, all the other behaviors I want tend to fall in place by themselves.


The best categories I’ve found for choosing my habits are energy, work, and love. So, at the start of each month, I pick a keystone habit for each of these areas.


Then I do my best to complete these habits every day. At the end of the month, I analyze what went well and what didn’t. And when the next month rolls around, I repeat the process.


Let’s look at the categories of energy, work, and love - and how you can choose your keystone habit for each one.


Your Energy Habit

To feel great and perform at your best, you’ll need as much energy as possible. So, ask yourself, “What is my #1 energy habit right now?”


For me, the answer is running. If I consistently hit the trail throughout the week, I can tackle everything I do with much more energy.


Here are some other examples of keystone energy habits:



Go to bed before 10 pm.
Have a green smoothie in the morning.
Walk 10,000 steps.

Your Work Habit

To serve others as best as you possibly can, you’ll need to continually optimize your work. So, ask yourself, “What is my #1 work habit right now?”


For me, the answer is writing. If I spend each morning undisturbed doing focused writing, I can improve faster and help as many people as possible.


Here are some other examples of work keystone work habits:



Do the most important task first thing in the morning.
Execute one hour of deep, uninterrupted work.
At the end of the workday, write down your most important tasks for tomorrow.

Your Love Habit

To cultivate deep and meaningful relationships, you’ll need to be present with those around you. So, ask yourself, “What is my #1 love habit right now?”


For me, the answer is meditating. If I take a break every afternoon to meditate, I can give the people around me my full attention.


Here are some other examples of keystone love habits:



Leave all your work-related stuff at the office.
Set your phone in flight-mode and put it away after 6 pm.
Turn off all screens in your house two hours before bed.

Let’s Do This!

If you want to create your own Keystone Habit Calendar, you can download a free one here (no sign-up required). Then follow these steps to get started:



Print out the Keystone Habit Calendar.
Put your energy, work, and love keystone habits in the top row.
Put your calendar someplace where you’ll see it several times a day.
Each time you’ve completed one of the habits, check it off in the calendar.
That’s it! Now all you have to do is keep tracking and improving month-by-month.

The Keystone Habit Calendar has been a game-changer for me, and I hope it will be for you, too. Have fun!


The post How to Create a Keystone Habit Calendar appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on August 25, 2020 03:01

August 18, 2020

How to Realize Your Potential

“What’s the meaning of life?”


This question has occupied countless philosophers throughout history.


According to Stoicism, the answer to that question is eudaimonia1. That word is tricky to translate, but you can think of it as personal flourishing.


The way to attain eudaimonia is contained within the term itself. Etymologically, it consists of two words, eu (good) and daimōn (spirit).


So, to flourish in life, you have to be on good terms with your inner daimōn, which is basically your highest self.


In other words, you have to continually express the best version of yourself. When you do that, you’ll experience the deep sense of satisfaction that comes from making the most out of life.


Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Let’s dive right into the Stoic’s best techniques for befriending your inner daimōn, realizing your potential, and flourishing.


1. Fulfill Your Duty as a Human

At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work – as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for – the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’

— Marcus Aurelius


If you struggle to get out of bed each morning, this technique can be immensely helpful. As soon as you open your eyes, remind yourself of your duty as a human. It’s your obligation to get up, go to work, and do your part. Like Marcus Aurelius, ask yourself:


Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?


Sure, sleep is critical for your health, well-being, and performance. So, make sure you get enough of it. But once your rest is over, don’t linger in bed.


Instead, get right up and use your replenished energy to serve the world. And remember that each day you get to wake up and do your part is a precious gift.


2. Let Your Work Be Your Reward

Just as in a field which has been broken up for corn, some flowers grow here and there, but it was not for these little plants, though they gladden the eye, that so much work was undertaken – the sower had a different purpose, and this came as a bonus.

—Seneca


You shouldn’t expect your work to make you rich, powerful, or famous. These things are ultimately outside your control and therefore pointless to worry about.


So, instead of worrying about external validation, focus entirely on the work itself. And if only a few people appreciate your work, so be it. As Seneca puts it:


A few is enough for me; so is one; and so is none.


This perspective has been hugely helpful to me as a writer. Over the years, I’ve written tons of articles that hardly anyone read.


If I focused on how each piece was received, I would’ve probably quit a long time ago. But by focusing on the writing itself, I could keep refining my craft.


And eventually, after tons and tons of writing, I’ve attracted an audience and published three books. But even if no one still read my work, I’d like to believe I’d still be writing.


Because when the work itself is the reward, and any appreciation for it just a bonus, you become unstoppable. You become immune to opinions outside your control and instead derive deep satisfaction from the work itself.


3. Eliminate the Unessential

‘If you seek tranquillity, do less.’ Or (more accurately) do what’s essential – what the reason of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better.

—Marcus Aurelius


People often complain that they don’t have enough time. But that’s not true. We all have the same amount of time every day. The difference lies in how we spend it. As Seneca puts it:


We are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it. Life is long if you know how to use it.


If you want to realize your potential and make the most out of life, you must focus on what’s important. You need to cut away the distractions so you can spend your limited time and energy where it matters.


So, get really good at saying no. Clarify your most important objectives and eliminate everything else. Do less, and do it better. If you do, you’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish.


4. Strive for Moderation

Your food should appease your hunger, your drink quench your thirst, your clothing keep out the cold, your house be a protection against inclement weather. It makes no difference whether it is built of turf or of variegated marble imported from another country: what you have to understand is that thatch makes a person just as good a roof as gold does.

—Seneca


In Greek philosophy, temperance was one of the “cardinal virtues2;” an essential trait necessary for a good life. And Stoicism was made no exception to this.


According to the Stoics, a peaceful and stable life requires balance. And to attain that balance, you need to strive for moderation in your thoughts and actions. You should do what’s necessary, and do away with what’s extravagant.


Eat to fulfill your hunger — don’t gorge after you’re full. Dress respectfully — don’t show up in rags nor extravagant clothing. Furnish your house with what’s necessary — don’t fill it with flashy stuff.


By practicing moderation, you’ll have fewer possessions to lose and a stronger character to rely on. And that will help you stand strong against the whims of Fortune and the challenges in life.


5. Make the Most of Every Moment

No carelessness in your actions. No confusion in your words. No imprecision in your thoughts.

—Marcus Aurelius


The Stoics taught that you have to avoid wasting your time on random and half-hearted actions. Life can end at any moment, so you need to be purposeful in everything you do. As Seneca puts it:


What is the purpose of my labors going to be? See, this day’s my last – or maybe it isn’t, but it’s not so far away from it.


Even though death can strike at any minute, most people spend their time aimlessly and randomly.


Don’t fall into that trap. Be deliberate, focused, and present in what you do. If you have particular objectives in life, direct every action toward achieving them.


Use your awareness of death as a driving force in life. Make the most out of every moment, because you never know when your final one comes.


How to Realize Your Potential, In Summary

Fulfill your duty as a human. Get up, go to work, and do your part to set the world in order.
Let your work be your reward. Instead of seeking external validation, focus entirely on the work itself.
Eliminate the unessential. Clarify your most important objectives and eliminate everything else.
Strive for moderation. Do what’s necessary, and do away with what’s extravagant.
Make the most of every moment. Life can end at any time, so be purposeful in everything you do.

Footnotes

Eudaimonia
Cardinal virtues

The post How to Realize Your Potential appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on August 18, 2020 01:45

August 14, 2020

How to Deal With Difficult People

As you go through life, you will encounter difficult people. These interactions can be incredibly frustrating. And you’ll likely find yourself wishing that you could change these people.


You might even try to do it. But if you do, you’ll inevitably find that it’s a waste of time. No matter how badly you want to, you simply cannot control how others behave.


What you can control, however, is your own response to these people. You can choose how you want to perceive them. And you can decide how you want to respond in their presence.


And by doing that, you can learn to tolerate — and even appreciate — the challenging people that cross your path. Here are the Stoic’s best techniques for dealing with difficult people.


1. Reset Your Expectations

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly.

— Marcus Aurelius


Imagine that you’re going for a walk on a path in the forest. Suddenly, someone dressed in a bear costume jumps out in front of you. In this situation, you’d probably be scared half to death.


Now imagine taking the exact same hike. Only this time, a friend warns you that someone dressed in a bear costume is hiding along the path and jumping out to scare people.


This time, you know what’s going to happen, you just don’t know when. So, when the person in the bear costume jumps out, you’ll still be startled, but not nearly as much as if you didn’t expect it.


Your expectations deeply influence your emotions. And you can use this to your advantage by anticipating unwanted surprises.


Difficult people will inevitably cross your path. It’s part of life. So, expect it to happen.


Regularly remind yourself that unpleasant people can show up at any time. That way, they won’t startle you as much, and you’ll be better able to deal with them.


2. Remember Our Common Humanity

When it comes to all we’re required to go through, we’re equals. No one is more vulnerable than the next man, and no one can be more sure of his surviving to the morrow.

— Seneca


According to the Stoics, we all share a common bond in our human existence. All of us have to deal with difficult emotions, devastating experiences, and daily stressors.


Sure, we’re different from each other. But in some aspects, we’re all exactly the same. None of us are immune to pain, illness, loss, and death. And it’s a good practice to remember this in our interactions with others. Marcus Aurelius wrote:


We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.


So, when you engage with family, friends, colleagues, and strangers, treat them with kindness. Remind yourself of our common humanity and that you don’t know what the other person is going through.


Strive to be present and compassionate in your social interactions. That will elevate your relationships and deepen your appreciation for others.


3. Forgive Others for Their Mistakes
[When someone does wrong:] Say to yourself each time, ‘They did what they believed was right.’

— Epictetus

If someone mistreats you it’s because, in that moment, they don’t know any better. And since that’s the case, there’s no reason to get agitated. You can think of it this way:


When someone mistreats you, they are doing it either intentionally or unintentionally. If it’s unintentional, it doesn’t make sense to waste energy on their negligence. And if it’s intentional, they have a character flaw, and it’s not your job to fix it.


You cannot control how other people behave. All you can control is how you respond to their behavior. So, practice forgiving people for their negligence and flaws.


And if you ever feel particularly vengeful, remember these wise words from Marcus Aurelius:


The best revenge is to be unlike the one who performed the injustice.


4. Overcome Envy with Reason
[If you envy what you don’t have:] You’ll never be free – free, independent, imperturbable. Because you’ll always be envious and jealous, afraid that people might come and take it all away from you.

— Marcus Aurelius

According to the Stoics, we find happiness within ourselves — not in the hands of others. Only you can create your own fulfillment. So, envying the successes and possessions of others is misguided and pointless.


In the Stoic view, all the blessings in your life are on loan from Fortune. They must all be returned sooner or later. And that’s the case for everyone around you as well.


So, while some people may seem enviable right now, you have no idea what plans Fortune has in store for them. They could lose everything they have tomorrow. And the more they have, the more they risk losing. As Seneca put it:


Let us not envy those who stand on a higher station: what appeared as heights are cliffs.


Money, fame, and power are fickle and impermanent. What’s more, they’re outside of your control. So, it’s no surprise that the Stoics advised us to focus elsewhere.


Instead of comparing your situation with others, compare yourself with who you were yesterday. Continuously strive to become the person you want to be. That way, you’ll cultivate true happiness and fulfillment.


5. Inspire Others Through Action

Stop talking about what the good person is like, and just be one.

— Marcus Aurelius


People are way more affected by your actions than your words. What you do speaks so loudly that they can’t hear what you say. So, if you want to influence others, you should show them rather than tell them. Epictetus offered this metaphor:


Sheep don’t throw up the grass to show the shepherds how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they outwardly produce wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you likewise not show theorems to the unlearned, but the actions produced by them after they have been digested.


If you want others to be better, don’t puke your virtues all over them. Instead, digest them — cultivate the virtues yourself — and express them through your conduct.


When you do that, you’ll become an exemplar for others. You’ll inspire those around you to be better, too. And in the process, you’ll make the world a better place.


How to Deal With Difficult People, In Summary

Reset your expectations. Remind yourself that difficult people will cross your path.
Remember our common humanity. We all suffer, so treat everyone with kindness.
Forgive others for their mistakes. Don’t waste energy on other people’s negligence and flaws.
Overcome envy with reason. Only compare yourself with who you were yesterday.
Inspire others through action. Don’t tell others how to act — show them!

The post How to Deal With Difficult People appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on August 14, 2020 01:02

August 11, 2020

How to Relieve Stress & Anxiety

We all have stressors in our lives. At times, they are so many or so intense that they can seem overwhelming. So, if you wish that life was easier, that’s totally understandable.


But at the same time, that wish is futile. You can’t control what life throws at you. No matter what you do, you can’t stop stressors from invading your life.


What you can do, however, is decide how you want to perceive them. You can choose to respond to the stressors wisely and rationally. And in the process, you can learn how to thrive even in the midst of chaos.


Here are the Stoic’s best techniques for relieving — and even growing stronger from — stress and anxiety.


1. Turn Obstacles Into Challenges

A setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights.

— Seneca


Most of us consider adversities bad — obstacles that prevent us from achieving our goals and being happy. You can change this view by recognizing that hardships provide excellent opportunities for you to train yourself.


Just like an athlete uses obstacles on the training ground, you can use adversities to get stronger.


You can think of it as “mental resistance training.” Each time you face an obstacle, you’ve stepped into your mental gym. Life has placed the dumbbells in front of you and given you a chance to get stronger. This perspective reframes obstacles into challenges:



A long line at the grocery store becomes patience training.
A meeting with an unpleasant person becomes compassion training.
A setback in a personal goal becomes persistence training.

We all face obstacles in our lives. It’s how we choose to respond to them that matters. If you perceive them as threats, you’ll get anxious. But if you view them as challenges, you’ll get excited.


Cultivate a “bring it on!” mentality, and you can use each obstacle as an opportunity to grow stronger.


2. Balance Your Perspective

Others have been plundered, indiscriminately, set upon, betrayed, beaten up, attacked with poison or with calumny – mention anything you like, it has happened to plenty of people.

— Seneca


Our minds have a tendency to blow things way out of proportion. As a result, even the slightest annoyance can seem like a big deal.


The Stoics taught that we can balance our perspective by contemplating how much worse off we could be.



If you’re frustrated while waiting in line at the store, be grateful that you live in a country where food is abundantly available.
If you’ve had a cold for weeks, think about all the people in your local hospital fighting much more serious diseases.
If you feel mistreated by someone, imagine all the people who have been oppressed, enslaved, and even tortured.

Put each situation into proper perspective, and you’ll find them much easier to handle. Occasionally, you might even find yourself laughing at trivial stuff that’s been bothering you.


3. Adjust Your Expectations

Remember: you shouldn’t be surprised that a fig tree produces figs, nor the world what it produces. A good doctor isn’t surprised when his patients have fevers, or a helmsman when the wind blows against him.

— Marcus Aurelius


Most people assume that the situation they’re in creates their emotional response. But that’s not accurate. It’s their expectations about the situation that triggers their emotions.


For instance, imagine that your boss treats you poorly, and you get agitated. In this situation, you’re not agitated because your boss mistreated you. You’re agitated because you didn’t expect your boss to treat you that way.


But what made you believe that your boss would always treat you well? What made you think a human would never misbehave? People treat other people poorly all the time. Bosses frequently annoy the people they manage.


Your frustrations are always a result of your own unrealistic expectations. So, don’t complain when reality doesn’t work out the way you think it should. Instead, ask yourself what’s wrong about your expectations, and change them.


The better your expectations align with reality, the less frustration you’ll experience.


4. Minimize Your Suffering

Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting if you bear in mind that it has its limits, and if you add nothing to it in imagination.

— Marcus Aurelius


Pain is an inevitable part of life. Suffering, however, is optional.


Pain is the immediate reaction you have to a hurtful event. Suffering is what happens when you add to the pain in your imagination.


Imagine, for instance, that you’ve injured your leg. Your pain comes from the damaged tissue. Your suffering comes from your thoughts about the pain.


“This pain is awful. What if it never goes away? Maybe I’ll never be able to walk properly again?”


Anxious thoughts like these can add a tremendous amount of suffering to your pain. So, pay attention to the narrative in your mind.


Remember that thoughts are not facts. They’re just thoughts. And it’s within your power to choose to believe them or not.


Try to see your situation as clearly and objectively as possible. Yes, you’re in pain, but that’s all you really know. Creating stories about what the pain might entail will only add unnecessary suffering.


5. Remember That Nothing Is New

Everything that happens is as simple and familiar as the rose in spring, the fruit in summer: disease, death, blasphemy, conspiracy… everything that makes stupid people happy or angry.

— Marcus Aurelius


As I’m writing this, COVID-19 has the world in its grip. The number of infected people and confirmed deaths are staggering. And each day, newspapers worldwide are publishing a seemingly endless stream of alarming headlines about the virus.


In times like these, it can seem like what’s going on right now is unparalleled in history. Extreme situations create a sense that we’re experiencing something unprecedented. But we’re really not.


There have been many horrible pandemics before COVID-191. The Black Death, Smallpox, the Great Plagues, the Spanish Flu, and HIV/AIDS are just a few examples.


It may not seem like it in the news, but whatever is happening right now has taken place many times before. That’s why Stoicism is still relevant to this day. Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and Epictetus faced very similar challenges as you and me.


Diseases, wars, natural disasters, poverty, and greed have all been around since long before we were born. So, don’t make them out to be more significant than they are.


The places, names, and faces might be new, but the events themselves are as old as time. Everything is as familiar as the rose in spring.


The world hasn’t gone crazy — it’s been crazy all along. Keep that in mind, and you’ll drastically reduce your stress and fear about what’s going on in the news.


How to Relieve Stress & Anxiety, In Summary

Turn obstacles into challenges. Use obstacles as “mental resistance training” to continually grow stronger.
Balance your perspective. Eliminate annoyances by contemplating how much worse off you could be.
Adjust your expectations. When you’re feeling frustrated, change your unrealistic assumptions.
Minimize your suffering. Pay attention to the narrative in your mind, and let go of anxious thoughts.
Remember that nothing is new. Always put extreme events into its proper historical context.

Footnote

Visualizing the History of Pandemics

The post How to Relieve Stress & Anxiety appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on August 11, 2020 00:27

August 6, 2020

How to Be Mentally Tough

Some parts of life are downright brutal.


No matter who you are, you’re going to go through devastating experiences and difficult emotions.


You’ll face disappointments and injustices. You’ll go through physical pain and sickness.


At different points, you’ll part ways with all the people you love. And in the end, you’re going to die.


We all know about these inevitable facts of life. But they’re so scary that most of us prefer to ignore them.


Unfortunately, denying them won’t make them go away. It just leaves you helpless and fragile when disaster strikes.


A much better approach, according to the Stoics, is to prepare yourself for these challenging moments well in advance.


By deliberately training your mind, you can withstand even the hardest blows of life.


Here are the Stoic’s best techniques for developing extraordinary mental toughness.


1. Visualize Negative Outcomes

“We need to envisage every possibility and to strengthen the spirit to deal with the things which may conceivably come about. Rehearse them in your mind: exile, torture, war, shipwreck.”

— Seneca


We tend to take what we have for granted. And this creates two major problems. Firstly, it makes us ungrateful for the blessings in our lives. And secondly, it makes us feel terrible when we lose them.


Luckily, the Stoics devised a powerful technique to solve both of these problems. It’s called negative visualization and, as the name suggests, it’s a practice where you deliberately imagine the worst possible outcomes in your life.


When you wake up in the morning, remind yourself that this might be your last day alive. When you leave your home, imagine what it would be like to lose it. When you meet up with a friend, remind yourself that this might be the last time you see each other.


Obviously, you won’t want to ruminate endlessly on these things. That won’t do you any good. But just a few seconds of negative visualization sprinkled throughout your day can work wonders for your mental well-being.


Just like an army that’s preparing for war in peaceful times, you can prepare for the most catastrophic moments of life before they happen.


The Spartans had a warrior creed that captures this idea well: “He who sweats more in practice bleeds less in war.”


Practice brief moments of negative visualizations each day. That way, you’ll feel much more grateful in your everyday life and be better prepared for disaster strikes.


2. Practice Voluntary Hardship

“Everyone faces up more bravely to a thing for which he has long prepared himself, sufferings, even, being withstood if they have been trained for in advance. Those who are unprepared, on the other hand, are panic-stricken by the most insignificant happenings.”

— Seneca


During his lifetime, Seneca was one of the wealthiest people in the Roman Empire. Still, he would occasionally live as if he was poor. For a few days each month, he dressed in rough clothing and ate very little food.


Why? Because he wanted to reduce his appetite for material things and pleasure, increase his appreciation for what he had, and — most importantly — develop the courage to handle future challenges.


This Stoic technique is known as voluntary hardship, and it’s a very powerful way to fortify your mind and develop your courage. The practice can take any shape you want, but I’ll list out some ideas for inspiration:



Underdress for cold weather.
Turn off the air conditioning in your house or car.
Take cold showers.
Occasional fasting.
Drink only water.
Sleep without a pillow.
High-intensity exercise.

By putting yourself through voluntary hardship, you’ll prepare your mind and body for unforeseen and challenging situations. And, with enough practice, you’ll find that things you used to be afraid of aren’t that bad after all.


3. Live With Little

“It is in no man’s power to have whatever he wants; but he has it in his power not to wish for what he hasn’t got, and cheerfully make the most of the things that do come his way.”

— Seneca


According to Seneca, it’s absolutely essential to learn how to live with little. No matter how well off you are right now, there will inevitably be challenging situations and difficult times ahead.


The good news is that we don’t need nearly as much stuff as we think we do. We use most of the things in our lives out of habit, not out of necessity. And by stripping away unnecessary stuff, you can simplify your life and reduce your desires.


You’ve probably heard stories about how successful people like Mark Zuckerberg wear the same outfit every day. These guys can easily afford to buy more clothes or even hire a stylist to do it for them.


Yet, they choose to wear the same stuff day in and day out because it limits the complexity in their lives. It saves valuable time, energy, and focus that they can use for more important decisions.


You can accomplish the same thing by practicing simplicity. Get rid of unnecessary stuff and see how it affects your state of mind. You’ll probably find that your happiness is way less dependant on material goods than what you think.


4. Consider Everything Borrowed

“Our duty is to keep ready the gifts we have been given for an indefinite time and to return them when called upon, making no complaint: it is a sorry debtor who abuses his creditor.”

— Seneca


The only thing you own in your life is your mind. Everything else — including your health, possessions, and loved ones — are on loan. They are temporary gifts from Fortune that can be taken away at any moment.


According to Seneca, we’re welcome to enjoy these gifts, but we should always remember that they’re borrowed. And when the time comes to return them, we should do so gratefully and without complaining.


This idea was hugely helpful to me when my dad unexpectedly passed away. In the aftermath of his death, I felt as if he had been stolen from me. He had passed away “too soon,” and I was devastated not to get the time with him that I was “supposed” to have.


But as I learned about Stoicism, I realized that Fortune actually had been very kind to me. My dad was an amazing person, and I had got to have him in my life for almost 30 years. Still, when Fortune took him back, I responded with ungratefulness and anger. What kind of way is that to treat a generous lender?


Obviously, it’s natural to grieve your losses. But getting stuck there isn’t helpful. So, try your best to shift your perspective from entitlement to gratitude. Be thankful for the temporary gifts Fortune grants you, but also ready to return them when the time comes.


That way, you’ll feel much more appreciation for the blessings in your life, and much less like a victim when they are taken away.


5. Reflect on Death

“There’s no difference between the one and the other – you didn’t exist and you won’t exist – you’ve got no concern with either period.”

— Seneca


There is nothing we fear more than death. Most people are so scared of it that they ignore it or pretend that it doesn’t exist.


But the Stoics taught that fear of death is highly irrational. And instead of being in denial about it, you should reflect on it routinely. This technique is called “memento mori,” which is Latin for “remember that you must die.1”


According to the Stoics, death gets a bad rap because of inaccurate rumors from the living. If you ignore this gossip and see death for what it really is, you’ll understand that it’s nothing to be afraid of.


So, what is death? Well, it’s simply the same condition you experienced for an eternity before you were born. And that wasn’t too bad, was it? In one of his letters, Seneca puts it this way:


“We suffer somewhat in the intervening period, but at either end of it, there is a deep tranquillity.”


Continually remind yourself of this. Reflect on death and accept that it may come at any moment. That will help you keep a rational perspective on death and create a healthy sense of urgency to make the most out of life.


And that’s immensely helpful because much more important than a long or short life is a life well-lived.


How to Be Mentally Tough, In Summary

Visualize negative outcomes. You’ll develop a deep appreciation for life and be better prepared when disasters strike.
Practice voluntary hardship. You’ll fortify your mind and develop the courage to handle future challenges.
Live with little. You’ll simplify your life, reduce your desires, and cultivate happiness without material goods.
Consider everything borrowed. You’ll let go of entitlement and develop a deep sense of gratitude for your life’s blessings.
Reflect on death. You’ll keep a rational perspective and a healthy sense of urgency to make the most out of life.

Footnote

Memento mori

The post How to Be Mentally Tough appeared first on Patrik Edblad.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on August 06, 2020 06:55