Patrik Edblad's Blog

Accountability

Do you struggle to maintain your habits and achieve your goals?

If so, it might be a good idea to ask someone to hold you accountable to them.

Research shows that this strategy can make us much likelier to follow through on our intentions.

One weight-loss study, for instance, found that participants who got support from a “weight-loss buddy” lost significantly more weight and inches than participants who went at it alone1.

Knowing that someone else is watching our efforts can be very motivating.

We care a lot about what other people think and don’t want them to have a lesser opinion of us.

And you can use this to your advantage by, for example:

Hiring a coach who can track your progress continually.Getting a trainer who can monitor your gym visits consistently.Teaming up with a friend and holding each other accountable.

If you can find a good way to implement accountability, you’ll be likelier to get where you want to go — and you’ll probably have a lot more fun along the way.

FootnoteThe Buddy Benefit: Increasing the Effectiveness of an Employee-Targeted Weight-Loss Program by René Dailey et al.

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The ROAR Method

My friend Giovanni Dienstmann is a popular meditation teacher, author, and speaker.

He teaches a simple and powerful technique he calls The ROAR Method1.

It’s useful anytime you deal with difficult emotions like anxiety, fear, and grief.

Here’s how it works:

Recognize the emotion is present — Label it by stating to yourself, for instance, “Anxiety is here.”Observe it as pure sensations — Notice where in your body they are, what they’re like, and where they’re strongest.Accept the sensations as they are — Make room for them and let them be there as if it makes no difference to you.Release the sensations with your exhales — Breathe through the sensations and imagine how every out-breath dissolves them.

The ROAR Method only takes a few minutes and can dramatically shift your emotional state.

I’ve found it very helpful, and if you start practicing it, I’m sure you will, too.

FootnoteThe ROAR Method by Giovanni Dienstmann

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Interim Habits

Do your habits tend to fall apart on your vacations?

That might seem strange, given all the extra time you have available.

But your daily behaviors are anchored to your regular routine.

So, when your usual routine goes away, your anchors and habits will, too.

Imagine, for instance, that you usually work out after leaving the office.

When the anchor moment of leaving the office disappears, so will your exercise habit.

It doesn’t matter how much extra time you have to do something if you keep forgetting to do it.

So, if you have habits that you’d like to maintain during your vacation, ask yourself:

Where will these habits fit into my vacation routine?

Create interim habits with temporary anchors that you can use until your regular routine is back.

If you do that, you’ll be way more likely to keep your habits going.

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Magnetic Habits

Imagine that you want to exercise more.

So, you decide to hit the gym three times a week.

That’s a reasonable plan — if you like going to the gym.

If you don’t, it will only put you in a constant uphill battle.

You’ll have to rely on willpower, which rarely works over time.

And if you think about it, there are countless other ways to exercise.

You can run, bike, swim, dance, skip rope, play frisbee, do yoga, or something else entirely.

So, why not pick something that you enjoy?

If you deliberately choose magnetic habits — behaviors that you’re naturally drawn to — you’ll be much more likely to do them.

That might seem obvious, but it’s surprisingly easy to overlook.

So, before you create a new habit, always ask yourself:

What’s the most magnetic version of this behavior?

That way, you won’t have to push yourself to do your habits.

Instead, you can leave it to the habits to pull you in.

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The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

This beautiful poem by Rumi1 is a reminder not to resist negative thoughts and difficult emotions passing through your mind.

The more you resist them, the more you’ll suffer.

So, when seemingly unwelcome guests arrive at your doorstep, take a deep breath, smile, and let them inside.

If you let them stay, they will eventually depart.

And, who knows, they might leave you stronger, wiser, and happier than you were before their visit.

FootnoteRumi

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Acceptance

Pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering is optional.

In her book, Self-Compassion1, Kristin Neff explains the difference between these concepts with a simple equation:

Suffering = Pain x Resistance

The more you resist pain, the more you’ll suffer.

Imagine, for instance, that you’ve injured your foot.

The pain you experience is raw sensory data from the injured area.

Any suffering you experience comes from your resistance to the pain.

“I hate this pain! Why won’t it go away? I wish it would just stop!”

Thoughts like these can add a tremendous amount of suffering to your pain.

So, let go of your resistance and instead practice acceptance.

Allow your current reality to be exactly how it is — no matter how much you dislike it.

Welcome whatever feeling shows up and greet it by its name.

It won’t eliminate your pain but it will drastically reduce your suffering.

And that will make your situation much easier to handle.

FootnoteSelf-Compassion by Kristin Neff

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Who Knows?

An old Chinese farmer lost his best stallion one day.

His neighbor came around to express his regrets, but the farmer just said, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.”

The next day, the stallion returned, bringing with him three wild mares.

So, the neighbor rushed back to celebrate with the farmer, but the old farmer simply said, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.”

The following day, the farmer’s son fell from one of the wild mares while trying to break her in, broke his arm, and injured his leg.

So, the neighbor came by to check on the son and give his condolences, but the old farmer just said, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.”

The next day, the army came to the farm to conscript the farmer’s son for the war but found him invalid and left him with his father.

And so, the neighbor thought to himself, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.”

This wonderful Taoist parable1 illustrates an important lesson:

There’s no point in judging the events of your life as positive or negative.

It’s impossible to know what they will lead to next.

So, continually repeat the mantra, “Who knows what is good and what is bad.”

That way, you can let go of what might be and embrace what is.

FootnoteI first heard this parable in episode 3 of The Secular Buddhism Podcast by Noah Rasheta.

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Affect Labeling

Have you noticed how our negative feelings feed themselves?

We get angry about being angry.We get anxious about being anxious.We get stressed about being stressed.

These downward spirals make the emotions much more intense than they need to be.

But luckily, there’s a simple technique you can use to break out of them.

It’s called affect labeling, and it’s as easy as naming the emotion you’re experiencing.

If you feel anxious, for instance, you can make the soft mental note: “Anxiety.”

Research shows that labeling emotions this way decreases their intensity1.

So, make a habit of putting negative feelings into words.

If you name them, you will tame them2.

FootnotesPutting Feelings Into WordsI picked up the “name and tame“ phrase in Mindsight by Daniel Siegel.

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Identity Alarms

We all have an idea of who we want to be at work and in our relationships.

But it can be challenging to express these versions of ourselves in real life.

And the reason usually is that, in the rush and busyness of life, we simply forget.

So, I’ve found it very useful to schedule “identity alarms” on my phone1.

Here’s what it might look like for me right now:

Identity alarms give you consistent reminders of who you want to be.

And that makes you much more likely to act accordingly.

So, if you feel so inspired, I encourage you to try it.

Ask yourself what your desired identities are and at what times you’d like to step into them.

Then set up recurring alarms on your phone to remind you.

It’s a simple strategy, but it might transform the way you approach your work and relationships.

FootnoteThank you to Eric Partaker for inspiring this idea.

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Focused Communication

In a fascinating study1, researcher Shalini Misra and her colleagues brought people into a lab and split them into two groups:

The participants in the first group got to sit down and talk to a stranger while a smartphone was visible on the table next to them.The participants in the second group got the same assignment but with a notebook visible instead of a smartphone.

When the researchers interviewed the participants afterward, they found something interesting.

The smartphone group rated the quality of their interactions as significantly lower compared to the notebook group.

It didn’t matter that the phone had laid still, dark, and silent throughout the meeting.

Its mere presence was enough to diminish the quality of the interactions.

So, whenever you want to have a meaningful exchange with someone, put your phone out of sight.

Ideally, you’ll also want to have it in airplane mode.

Because the fewer distractions you’ll have, the better your interaction will be.

FootnoteThe iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices

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