Alexa Nichols's Blog - Posts Tagged "knocking-up-the-milf"

My big brother convinced me I blew my nostril off when I was younger. We were playing video games on his Sega Genesis (I think I was whipping him at Mortal Kombat) and I started sneezing uncontrollably. After a particularly powerful sneeze, he looked at me, dropped his controller, and made this mock terrified sound and started manically looking around on the floor.

He startled me so much that I quit sneezing and asked him what he was doing (after pausing the game so he couldn’t use this as an excuse). It was then he informed me that I sneezed so hard that last time that my nostril flew off. I panicked and dropped to the floor, trying to find it, and when I couldn’t, I went running to find my mother to get her to help me look for it.

My brother had to stand in the corner for an entire half hour as punishment.

Roughly five minutes later I was in the opposite corner for throwing toys at his head. 😁

He got me back shortly after though: we were playing hide and go seek, and I hid in the washer. He found me quickly (I was giggling) but didn’t let me know, and nearly gave me a heart attack by turning the damn thing on for several seconds.

I got him back later that week by framing him for murder though. When our parents came home from work I was in the kitchen, ketchup smeared on my body and butcher knife stuck in between my armpit and arm. He was supposed to be babysitting me but was playing video games in his room instead. My mom freaked, but my father instantly saw through it. I was grounded for a week.

Good times, good times.

I don’t know why, but memories have been flooding my mind today, and since my brother has been out all day I can’t reminisce with him – so you guys get stuck with it. 😁

As far as Saturday’s go, this has been an unusually productive and upbeat one. I wrote on Knocking Up The MILF for about six hours (since I won’t be able to write Monday due to real life bullshit), approved the 15 minute sample for the audiobook version of Amore: A Love Story (the narrator is amazing, I can’t wait for her to finish!), and managed to gain a new Patreon follower!

All in all, a good day.

Thanks for reading. 💋

(ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF)

(I reach out and slap it off the table.)

(Which doesn’t silence said alarm clock, of course.)

(I don’t care. It’s farther away from me now, and that’s all that matters.)

(15 Minutes later, big brother slings my door open fully dressed and – as always – smelling good. He reaches down and turns my alarm off, returning it to my table.)

J.C. (said big brother): “Alexa. Get up.”

Me: “Fight me, motherfucker.”

J.C.: (Raises eyebrow.) “Anne’s expecting you. Get up.”

Me: (Reach over and whip cover down beside me, revealing Anne, who is still somehow snot-bubble sleeping.) “Her expectations are pretty low this morning.”

J.C.: (Looking slightly startled) “When did she get here?”

Me: “Right before WrestleMania last night. We watched it together. Make me breakfast.”

J.C.: “Get up first.”

Me: “Make me breakfast first.”

J.C.: “Get up. Then we’ll talk breakfast.”

Me: (Make lower lip quiver, force eyes to water, look up at him.) “Please? My stomach hurts and I don’t feel good and I think I’m coming down with something and I don’t even wanna get up and my whole body hurts and I don’t know why and I love you so much and I don’t ask much and by the way where the fuck is Skynet I can’t find it anywhere I know you hid it please make me a breakfast sandwich and carry me to the kitchen?”

J.C.: (Deadpan voice.) “Seriously?”

(I nod and force a tear to eject from my eye.)

J.C.: “You are entirely too spoiled, you know that?”

Me: (Nodding as he picks me up out of bed like I’m made of paper and begins carrying me to the kitchen.)

Anne: “I want one too.”

Me: “Already on it, girl.”

So yeah. That was actually how my day started. Thing is, I actually didn’t lie to the big brother unit: I feel like someone beat the shit out of me and stuffed me in bed, then gangbanged me senseless twice. I nearly took the day off entirely, but something inside told me not to, so I didn’t. I got up, finished the yellow revision of Naughty Professor, worked on a good chunk of the red revision for Knocking Up The MILF, skipped lunch entirely and took a nap instead (best decision of the day), managed to knock out all of my author tasks, spruced up the website a bit,

and then fell face first in my bed and didn’t move for the rest of the day.

I really hope this goes away tomorrow, as I have too many projects I want to get done and some short time limits to do them in. I guess I’ll see tomorrow if this is just a brief, fleeting thing or if it’s a bonafide sickness.

Cross your fingers, my loves.

And as always, thank you for reading…

I feel so much better than I did yesterday. Whatever hit me went away just as quickly, luckily for me. I really appreciate everyone who took time out of their day to check in on me… it really makes me feel loved. For reals. 😊

I hit the ground running today, not only writing like a beast but making up for the time I missed yesterday. I absolutely killed my writing goals: I finished the green revision of Naughty Professor, the red revision of Knocking Up The MILF, and started work on Voyeur, Season 1 Episode 5 – the last of the season. If you haven’t read any of the Voyeur books yet, you really should – at .99, they’re cheap enough and short enough to slip into easily. You can find the first of them here: https://buff.ly/2GS2vyR

There was also some good news in my email today, mainly that Cramming Sis! Again! is now officially available as an audiobook and the audiobook edition of Phi Beta Pie is finally linked to the eBook and paperback editions! Man was that a long, hard battle! 😅

I’m not sure exactly how much writing I’m going to get done tomorrow since Rebecca (the girlfriend unit) is coming over and I’m going grocery shopping, but I’m going to try and knock out as much as possible after this entry just in case. I think I have an addiction to writing if that’s at all possible. I wonder if an obsession such as that is unhealthy…

Anyway, back down the rabbit hole I go.

Thank you for reading.

My bladder hates me. For some reason, it decided to wake me up last night every couple of hours, right as I was hitting REM. Which is a real problem, because my creativity, enthusiasm and overall quirkiness are all intrinsically tied to the amount of sleep I get.

So, you can guess how I’m feeling today. Tired. Unfocused. Hostile. Oh, and my periods early. So basically, fuck life. 😅

If you know me at all, you know that I’m exaggerating my attitude. One day of jagged sleep isn’t going to derail the AlexaTrain, believe me. Two won’t either. Three? I’m stabbing a motherfucker in the forehead. Drastic jump, I know, but this Diary is all about full disclosure, so whatever. 🔪

Despite my slightly fuzzy outlook, I managed to get a slew of author tasks knocked out, including adding more anime chicks to my website, finishing the yellow revision of Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5 (the season finale), getting halfway into the yellow revision of my upcoming Disney (🐭) exclusive Knocking Up The MILF, and completely finishing the rough draft of a story I’ve been keeping from everyone, The Siren’s Song. It’s fucking hot. Short, but hot. Like me! 🙌

I also posted something on my Patreon, titled My Daily Schedule, and you can check it out here as soon as you’re done reading this entry: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18282669.

Ugh. Just typing all that out makes me exhausted. I did a lot more today than I thought! 😅

Which is why I’m about to hit the shower and go to bed. I need to sleep. Badly. I don’t want to have a second day of sleeplessness, and no one wants me getting to day three. 🔪🗡🍴

Thank you for reading, loves. ❤

“OK, these pants have to come off because they’re slaying my vagina.”

It was that comment that almost ended my life today. 😅

It was just the way Anne said it; you had to have been there. Maybe I should explain just a bit. See, Anne has this habit of running around naked when its just us girls, but I had some business paperwork to sign so I had it delivered to my place. Which meant she had to get dressed.

And she was not happy about it.

And apparently, her pants were slaying her vagina the entire time.

It only took a few minutes, but the second he left she plopped down on the bed and started wiggling out of her pants like they were full of ants. After about three seconds she glared at me and went “OK, these pants have to come off because they’re slaying my vagina. Can you please help me get these off?!” like it was the most severe, crucial thing ever.

I almost died right there. It was beautiful.

Little things like that just make my day.

Writing-wise, I killed it, completely finishing and compiling Voyeur: Season 1, Episode 5 (it’s scheduled to be released August 1st unless you’re a member of my Patreon, in which case you’ll be getting it free next month), getting about halfway through Knocking Up The MILF’s yellow revision, and laying the groundwork for some top-secret author stuff I’ll be announcing soon.

I’ll just say this for now: your girl is branching out!

My personal life, however, was nowhere near as impressive. I made plans to hang with the bestie Sunday, but other than that…boring. Well, with the small exception of Anne’s pants slaying her vagina. I’m not really complaining though. Dull days are nice sometimes. Especially for me, considering how crazy my life usually is.

I’m thinking about getting drunk tonight, I dunno. Drunk Skyrim sounds really appealing. And reading.

Until tomorrow, lov—



Liver: Wait a minute, wench. You promised no more drinking for the rest of the month.

Me: Prove it, motherfucker.

Liver: Fine. Let me check my texts… aaannnddd all my texts from you are gone.

[smiling smugly]

Liver: You deleted them when I was sleeping, didn’t you? Because you knew you were getting plastered tonight.

[smiling smugly]

Liver: I know you did. That’s fucked up. Does honesty mean nothing to you?

[smiling smugly]



Sucka.



Enjoy your weekend, loves.

I know I will.

It felt absolutely wondrous to jump back into the daily routine of writing. And I finished a lot of it, knocking out the yellow revision of Knocking Up The MILF, working on The Siren’s Song for a bit, and – finally – dived headfirst into Nephilim: Prisoner, the sequel to Nephilim: Daybreak. It felt so good to start it. Tomorrow cannot come quick enough so I can continue.

I also received some fantastic news from the narrator I hired to do the audiobook version of The Qedesha’s Handmaiden. She just uploaded chapters 6,7, and 8, and is currently working on 9,10, and the epilogue now. Which means in the next day or two, she’ll be completely finished. 🙌

I can’t wait!

Also, if you’re a member of my Patreon and want to check out the rough draft of Voyeur Season 1, Episode 5, you can do so here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18358393. While you’re there, you can also check out my recent post, “Why I don’t use publishing houses,” found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/18359553.

Yes, I hit the ground running today!

Now if I can just quit sneezing uncontrollably, my day would be phenomenal! 😅

Until tomorrow, my loves…

So, I started the most hilarious argument between Natalie and my big brother that went on far longer than it should have. 😅

See, I have a weird mind, (Shock, I know! 😳) and when I was younger, I used to always come up with creative yet twisted little hypothetical questions to throw them at my friends just to see what they would say. They loved it. So did I. I haven’t done it in a while, but when our little trio was watching The Originals on Netflix last night, I thought of one out of nowhere.

I paused the show and turned to Natalie. “I got a question. Far-fetched, but go along with it. Let’s say J.C. was in a car accident with your dad. Your dad was killed, but J.C. survived. Unfortunately, J.C.s penis didn’t, so they did an emergency transplant and used your fathers. Would you guys still have sex?”

Natalie’s eyes widened and without missing a beat responded, “Hell no!”

Which caused my brother to turn to her all stoic-like and ask if that meant they would never have sex again.

She looked at him with that same wide-eyed (and unblinking) expression and reminded him that it was her father’s penis.

My brother repeated his question.

The playful argument started, and I fell off the couch laughing. It was hilarious watching my brother rationalize and try to debate his way into her pants, and Natalie was just as resistant. He even tried to compromise.

“OK, what about oral sex?” My brother asked.

She refused.

“Handjobs?”

She said she would probably do that for him. I was dying. I couldn’t breathe. My life was flashing before my eyes and all that junk. They were negotiating sex with her father’s penis. It was too much.

“So, you would really jack off your father’s dick?” J.C. deadpanned with a hint of disgust in his voice.

I was literally rolling on the floor choke-laughing. I think I actually passed out a few times. I may have even peed myself a little. You should have seen how she jumped off the couch and starting rapid-fire shit-talking him. This went on for like 15 minutes. Best 15 minutes of the month!

If there really is a Heaven and Hell, I am definitely going to the later. 😅😭🙌

Such fun.

Anyway, I completely finished and compiled Knocking Up The MILF and the outline of The Siren’s Song, then had a brief conversation with the narrator of The Qedesha’s Handmaiden. She apparently really likes the story. Which is extremely flattering. Overall, it was a productive day, which is a good thing, because tomorrow and the day after I’m going to be running errands with Anne and won’t have much of a chance to write. I will be taking notes, however, so when I do sit down Friday and start cranking out verbiage again, it’s going down like a one-legged fat chick in a kickboxing competition.

I can’t wait.

Until tomorrow, my loves.

Stay weird. 😜