Samantha Beardon's Blog, page 36

A poems journey

This is a poem that I wrote then I documented the process of editing. 

Initial version.



The last holiday

A Georgian house Ivy clad

No haunted corners places of dread

Labyrinthine with added wings

Bright lofty rooms added zing

A chance to explore new places

Share some love, cement relations 

This holiday the first in years

A time for smiles not for tears

A Georgian house ivy clad

Haunted corners make people sad

Labyrinthine with added wings

Places  people get lost, find fears that sting

Mother leaves us but returns

Distraught, crying, in disarray

Her locket clasped tight in her hand 

Her lifeboat in this shenanigan

Lost and frightened she clung tight

To the memories in her locket bright.



First off  looking at use of rhyme in the poem, indirect rhymes italics and underlining.

So some poor rhyming choices..do I settle for indirect rhymes or rethink my rhyme structure?

clad – dread

wings – zings

places – relations

years – tears

clad – sad

wings – sting

returns –disarray

hand – shenigan

tight – bright

Further thoughts on the poem looking at tautology, oxymirons and the line layout.

A Georgian house Ivy clad

No haunted corners places of dread. 

I actually don’t like the end of this.

Labyrinthine with added  wings 

 I think better as  the second line would follow on better is labyrinthine too complicated?

Bright lofty rooms added zing 

syntax here and word choice

 

A chance to explore new places

Share some love, cement relations 

? relationships would be better

This holiday the first in years

A time for smiles not for tears

 wondering about this line

A Georgian house ivy clad

Haunted corners make people sad

 not sure about this wanted to make tha t connection with fright / sadness

Labyrinthine with added  wings.      

  again better as second line

Places  people get lost, find fears that sting.  

 That sting probably isn’t good

 

Mother angry, leaves  but soon returns

Distraught and crying, in disarray

Her locket clasped tight in her hand 

Her lifeboat in this  shenigan

 ok crap!!!!

 

Lost and frightened, she clung tight

to the memories in her locket bright. 

Too trite probably.

Re draft

We stayed in an ivy clad

 Georgian house 

Made Labyrinthine by

added wings

Full of big bright rooms

With comfy beds

This holiday the first joint

 one in years

A chance to explore new places

Share some love, cement relations 

A time for smiles no thought

of tears

Happy days, sun kissed, perfect

Hotel facilities well explored

Then the day, mother angry

left the dining table 

Returning later

Distraught, crying, in disarray

She was lost, couldn’t find her way

She had her locket clasped

 in her hand 

Her anchor it seemed in a world

she didn’t comprehend

The talisman she continued to hold dear

As dementia claimed her.

Further thoughts broken back to Stanzas

We stayed in an ivy clad

 Georgian house 

Made Labyrinthine by

added wings.              Bad word choice

Full of big bright rooms

With comfy beds

This holiday the first joint

 one in years

A chance to explore new places

Share some love, cement relations 

A time for smiles no thought

of tears

Happy days, sun kissed, perfect

Hotel facilities well explored

Then the day, mother angry

left the dining table 

Returning later

Distraught, crying, in disarray

She was lost, couldn’t find her way

She had her locket clasped

 in her hand 

Her anchor it seemed in a world

she didn’t comprehend

The talisman she continued to hold dear

As dementia claimed her

Next version

We stayed in an ivy clad

Georgian house 

A maze of a place 

Full of big bright rooms

With comfy beds

 

This holiday, the first 

 in years

A chance to explore new places

Share some love

renew relationships

A time for smiles no thought

of tears

 

Happy days, sun kissed, perfect

Then the day, mother was angry

left the dining table in a huff

Returning later distraught

crying, in disarray

She got lost, couldn’t find her way

She had her locket clasped

 in her hand 

Her anchor it seemed in a world

she didn’t comprehend

 

The talisman she continued to hold dear

As dementia claimed her later that year

This is short of imagary

Next version

Checking filler words, adjectives, adverbs, do the lines work? 

This holiday, the first in years

for Mother, Father and me 

the aim to relax, renew bonds 

strengthen our family voice

We stayed in an ivy clad  

Georgian house 

a maze of a place 

full of big bright rooms  

with comfy beds

set activities in the out-door space

Happy, sun kissed, perfect days

seeing moorlands, switchback hills

thatched farmhouses resting

in the crook of the land

sea and stunning vistas

visiting gothic cathedrals

Norman castles, history arresting

Memories to treasure

The clearest picture –

the day, mother  angry

left the dining table 

Returning crying, in disarray

unable to find her room

her locket clasped in  hand 

Her anchor in a world

she didn’t comprehend

 The talisman she held dear

even after dementia hclaimed her.

Looking at the stanzas and then the lines

We stayed in an ivy clad  

Georgian house 

a maze of a place 

big bright rooms  

with comfy beds, 

set activities in the out-door space

 

 

This holiday, the first in years

for Mother, Father and me 

 to renew bonds 

to strengthen our family voice

Not sure about this it could come out ..maybe it sets the scene but …

Happy days, sun kissed, perfect

moorlands, with switchback hills

thatched farmhouses nestling

in the crooks of  the land

visiting gothic cathedrals, 

Norman castles,

sea and vistas.

 

Then the day, mother  angry

left the dining table 

Returning crying 

unable to find her room 

her locket  clasped

 in her hand 

Her anchor  in a world

she didn’t comprehend

 

The talisman she continued to hold dear

As dementia claimed her, later that year

 Been looking at this in or out does it add value?

Next version

We stayed in an ivy clad  

Georgian house 

a maze of a place 

with bright rooms 

comfy beds

and activities in 

the garden

 

Happy days

moorlands

switchback hills

thatched farmhouses 

nestled 

in crooks of land

Gothic cathedrals

Norman castles

sea and vistas

Perfect

One day mother

angry 

left the dining table 

returned in tears

unable to find

the bedroom 

her locket clasped

in her hand 

an anchor in a world

she didn’t comprehend.

Thats where my edits have taken me thus far. Still not a finished poem. This is an approach for free verse  the approach for classical verse is slightly different it is the meeting of the form the scansion and the metre that are important. 

How do you edit yours?   

I dream

Second hand

What is real and what is dream

Hard to tell with you it seems

What is real when all you know

Is second hand, a major blow

What is real, when all you share

Is part  of life, but, is reality there?

What is real is my mind fills in the blanks

Reducing your imperfections by many ranks

What feels real , is the friendship case

Knowing at some point, we touch base

What is real is humour and fun

Sharing  moments one by one

What is real is that lack of insight

Are the things that I share recieved right

Sometimes it it hard to understand

What you are saying, when it feels secondhand

What is real are our different lives

But thats just fine that makes us wise

What is real is our different take

On lifes problems our views on fate

What is real is the spark that we get

Talking and sharing when we’ve never met.

What is real when I all I know

Is secondhand hand a major blow

What is real is a ripple in my world.

The sign

Dark days become nights the stars don’t align

 in this nightmare world of retrograde time

Stare into the cosmos look for a sign

Spiral out of control, lost lifes design

You were my anchor now gone such a crime

Dark days become nights the stars don’t align

Need to find a new path draw out the line

Not play the fool in futile pantomime

Stare into the cosmos look for a sign

Days feeling like weeks dreams seem borderline

My home no longer the haven sublime

Dark days become nights the stars don’t align

Break free from bad feelings must not resign

My love is worth more than a tumbling dime

Stare into the cosmos finding a sign

Love all encompassing, truly divine

Is waiting to find me yours was a mime

Light days become nights the stars realign

Stare into the cosmos yes there’s a sign.

This is written in the form of a Villanelle.

Dreams and wishes

The whole of me

The Trijan poetry form

Trijan Refrain

The Trijan Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of three 9-line stanzas, for a total of 27 lines. Line 1 is the same in all three stanzas, although a variation of the form is not to repeat the same line at the beginning of each stanza. In other words, the beginning line of each stanza can be different. The first four syllables of line 5 in each stanza are repeated as the double-refrain for lines 7 and 8. The Trijan Refrain is a rhyming poem with a set meter and rhyme scheme as follows:

Rhyme scheme: 

a/b/a/b/c/c/d,d (refrain of first 4 words of line five )/c 

Syllables per line: 8/6/8/6/8/8/4,4 refrain/8

Anybody fancy trying one?

Here is my first attempt at a trijan.

Project plan.

Prioritise, set goals on time

A mantra, keep in mind

Could help us solve the paradigm

To me it’s just a bind 

 I Juggle more balls  productive

Way of working, seems seductive

I Juggle more balls

I Juggle more balls

Plan and wander, not constructive

Prioritise, set goals on time 

My butterfly mind likes

to flit and fly,is this the crime 

No strong finishing spike

Always a big picture thinker

Way of working such a stinker

Always a big picture 

Always  a big picture 

Watching tv whilst writing! Clincher

Prioritise, set goals on time

Concentrate, on one task 

at a time, helps keep life sublime

Plan it : too big an ask?

Keep stress at bay by working smart

Works well for many, take heart

Keep stress at bay

Keep stress at bay

Make a project plan at the start.

Dreams and Wishes

I took a deep breath and slowy blew

my dreams and wishes until they flew

Into the air like dragonflies

floating over land and skies

From rosy lips they floated away

 aimedat you, come what may

my hope,that, with their texture light

some might survive both day and night

to reach far shores and gently stray

into your unconscious mind and stay

we have never met but still I hope 

that those dreams might rope

Your heart, or pique your mind

to start an affair of another kind 

I took a deep breath and slowy blew

my dreams and wishes until they flew

into the air like dragonflies

floating over land and skies

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Yearning

As I search  the roads of this eternal maze

I just find dark corners and more dead ends 

Searching and searching  to ignite the blaze

With short term lovers or just good friends

Where is the love I am yearning towards

To worship my body and cherish my mind

The soul mate, lover, giver of rewards

The man to care for this heart in kind

 I know that  love is a two way process

Give in order to recieve: I understand

Love unrewarded  no forward progress

As I travel the maze on roads of sand

Hopeless it feels, a lovers touch I crave

Before I am called to the end, the grave.

Mystic Tango

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Poem in the style of a Terra Rima Sonnet.