Scarlet Risque's Blog, page 13
April 7, 2017
Self Infliction
For so long I looked for answers in the looking glass
Wrapped in a veil that was suffocated my neck
But there aren’t no answers to the questions I asked
For all along the self inflicted torment I had inflicted
was no other than on myself
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April 3, 2017
Faceless Shadows
I used to have a self-defeating conversation that says, “no I can’t do it” whenever I have to take up a position in an organisation or be part of a society in any form of leadership. Even today I am strangely media shy. I am shy of appearing in public places as myself. I am shy of publicity. I am shy of being identified by fans on the streets. Sometimes I have a spider sense that someone knows me on the street. But I brush those thoughts aside and say, “it can’t be.” Although my YouTube Channel has 100 000 views a month, I wonder in the grand scale of the universe if that’s any impact at all. Probably not.
In my next step to elevate my artistry, I have another conversation which is, “I don’t think I can do everything I want to do before I die.” When this conversation takes hold on me, my shadow self emerges and cripples my creativity. It slithers like a python and suffocates my being before the darkness sets in my eyes and becomes black and white. In the black and white world, there are no emotions. There is no colour. There are shadows of shadows. The shadows have no faces. The faceless shadows roam the black and white world aimlessly with no direction.
I had appeared unannounced at open mics in London and New York to read my poetry on stage, the reception from the audience is great. And when I am not on stage, there is a decay going on in my soul. Although I am an independent artist, there is a part and longing of me to be part of a group of well-established artist. To be part of the mainstream media and recognised for my efforts. But my shadow pulls me away and throws me back into the black and white world. The world of colour is nowhere in my reach, but a mirage of a dream that I aspire to be. In the shadows, I could only say to myself – maybe it is not meant to be.
I want to belong, but I will never belong.
I want to be understood, but maybe there is no need to be understood.
There is a void within that can’t be fulfilled.
Maybe I am indeed a swan amongst the ducks,
and only by leaving the ducks I can find my tribe.
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April 2, 2017
Filming at The Scarlet Hotel
Thanks to the generous donations of patreons, especially unworthy minion, we had hit our fund funding milestone to film at The Scarlet Hotel for full-fledged production of The Scarlet Queen storyline for our YouTube Channel.
The Scarlet Queen YouTube started in Dec 2012 with an initial launch of 30 videos daily. It resumed production in Jan 2015 with a video released weekly to date. As of March 2017, it has hit is fan funding milestone of US$500 monthly to start filming at The Scarlet Hotel.
The beta run production of the initial filming will be used to pitch to an independent director to turn The Scarlet Queen YouTube to a feature length film for debut at the Toronto Film Festival.
The Scarlet Queen would like to thank you for your generous support and patron donations to allow her to take her artistry to the next level.
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March 30, 2017
Your eyes are two mirrors
Your eyes are two mirrors
deep and mysterious
with a feline and voluptuous charm.
Your mouth is fleshy and swollen
as red as strawberries and cherries
holding out your words
whispered with sensuality.
Your skin is velvety
like the peach blossoms
so precious and virginal.
Your legs are idols to be worshipped
so soft and silky,
thighs on which the tired warrior would like to let his head rest
to caress them with his cheeks
to pour on them his thirsty lips.
Only a Goddess can be a symbol of femininity
Only a Goddess can give a man dreams and fairy-tale visions.
Only a Goddess may be what you are
And at your feet I place my words
as if they were a carpet.
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March 22, 2017
Dreams Distortion
I woke up and his head dropped from his body like a doll and it became lifeless.
I cried my eyes out and realised that the baby’s body had turned gray.
I met my shadow self. My dark identity. It was a shadow, with no face.
She was as tall as me, but instead of the shadow on the floor, it was a shadow facing me.
She was full of dark energy, full of hate, full of violence, full of anger.
She offered to take me to the shadows, not to wake up in colour but in a world of black and white.
I said I am not ready, I don’t want to die. I want to live. Don’t take me. I know you had controlled me, you had cursed those who had hurt me, you had protected me. As the shadow, as you are, you had followed behind me since I had a physical self. But I am not ready to join the shadows. I want to live.
If you live, you must destroy me, she said.
I sliced my shadow into two with my hand.
My shadow disappeared into thin air.
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February 28, 2017
Minion Square
I grew up in the first dimension, in the flatlands under the reign of Queen
poka. Like here, in flatland, we have two sexes, circles, or woman, and
squares, men.
From our perspective, the woman are awesome, when they rotate, their
length never changes. The are as constant as the horizon. They drive some
of us squares crazy with desire with their sensous lines. We cannot really
see their lovely round shapes in the first dimension, but in our minds eye,
they are very, very, sexy.
From the time i was just little square, i would carry girls geometry books.
I just couldn't see how any circle could ever be attracted to an ugly square.
There was one particular circle that completely captivated me. i was just
like her little octagon, what we call puppies.
I followed her everywhere, doing everything she commanded. By the time
I entered my 12th year of age, I had been her little octagon for 2 full years.
All the other circles knew I was her octagon and often teased me but i was
happy - for a time.
The problem is circles and octagons cannot have a relationship no more than a
Woman would be have a relationship with a puppy. And so the day inevitably
came when my circle took a lover. As I stood there beside them, my outer
perimeter shaking nervously, the love of my life, my darling circle, motioned
me to kneel. She made me kneel like the insignificant octagon I had become.
There were only two choices, run or submit. I had such a crush, i could never
run. All I could do was kneel. Kneel like the insignificant ocatagon I was.
I wanted to cry. All I could do was kneel. if this is what my darling circle
wanted me to be, then i would swallow my pride and become the best
octagon i could be.
I acted tough and did lots of squarely things to counter my octagon feelings
inside but most of the circles in our area knew I was just a submissive octagon.
After we parted, it seemed like every circle I dated wanted to treat me as an
octagon. I often wondered if there was some heavenly force guiding my vector.
Instead of fighting it, i embraced it. I became a very small and submissive
square. i made sure to always open doors for circles and let them step ahead
of me in the grocery lines. I made an effort to be exceptionally polite and
go out of my way to make every circle feel special.
It should not have come as a surprise that the relationships I would develop
with other circles would also be mostly be C/o (Circle/octagaon). At the
time, because it just felt naturally, I didn't see my own submission, but
obviously the circles could tell.
In my later years I joined the Queen's army and become a spy for Queen Poka.
Queen Poka had learned through underground source of a new weapon of mass
submission called curves. It was believed no square, in any dimension, could
resist them. Queen Poka spies reported the Scarlet Queen had some of the most
effective curves. Queen Poka therefore decided to kidnap the Scarlet Queen
and steal her curves. In order to do this, she would need to send an agent
to the third dimenions to do some further reconnaisance.
After weeks of research our scientist developed a way to transport me to the
third dimension using a 3d printer. The plan was for me to infiltrate the
Scarlet Queen's realm and hide out in vanilla space and observe until the
time was right.
Upon arriving in the third dimension I immediately located the Scarlet Queen
but I was unable to remain hidden. Three dimensional women are even more beautiful
than one dimension ones and I was immediately mesmerized by her curves. Damn. As
I watched her videos I became even more transformed. I began to understand that
being an insignificant minion was a most meaningful existence. It reminded me
of my days as an octagon. Her curves had seduced and corrupted me!
I decided to defect to the Dark Queen's side and become her loyal, but unworthy
and insignificant minion. That is all any minion could ever really wish for. If
you listen carefully, there is great wisdom in everything says. Minions, like
octagons, can never be good enough for our Queen, all we can do is check our
desire and get down upon our needs and look upon our Queen's curves. Becoming
her pet octagon, or minion, and serving the Queen is all i can ever hope for.
When one's fate or vector has been decided, it can never change, in any dimension.
Unworthy Minion
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February 21, 2017
Transformation – It is all invented
I had been reading content on transformation. That transformation is a new way of being. By shifting the context, new actions and new possibilities arise. A declaration I would like to undertake is to be a world renown author. In my invention of this new possibility, is to take new actions to make 
it happen. It means publishing more books, going to more events, talking to more people in the industry. I would undertake this project from March onwards. I will reach this milestone by 2020.
It has dawned on me most of what we do does not really matter. No matter how much wealth, fame, and resources I could possibility accumulate in my lifetime, it would be the quality of relationships around me that is most important. My books would be read and enjoyed by millions of readers around the world. That what people on their deathbeds regret most is not to pursue their passions and dreams, and invest in their friendships.
I realised at this point I had been working so hard on my business that I am losing sight of what I am really passionate, which is writing, dancing and acting. I dread the start of any creative endeavor, there is a resistance that seeps in and prevents me from taking the first step in the heavy rain. Once overcoming the resistance, it becomes fun and I flow into the joy of creation. Of course, the next day the resistance comes back again and I am banging my head against the wall. But I know by doing this daily, I am evolving and breaking out of my old self to my new invented self of who I aspire to be. Soon, my creations will be enjoyed by the world as it’s beauty takes flight.
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February 1, 2017
A question to the world
On days that I feel lost, alone or misunderstood, I imagine what life is like in the ancient past. I imagine what my ancestral homes may look like in ancient china. How they would life out their lives in ancient times and the joys they had over the centuries that result in the conjoined fusion DNA of the me today.
Ever so often I would imagine of the karma they had accumulated over successive generations. I would imagine the lives and influence they had over history, rise and fall of kingdoms. Were they peasants, scholars, merchants, dancers. What houses did they live in? What secrets that they had? What did they do for the society?
Ever so often I find solace that my family has accumulated good karma over successive generations. They had contributed to schools and hospitals. They had contributed to associations. They had contributed to the needy. With that knowledge, it protects me, as I know their love for me exists as they did what they can to create a better society and reality for tomorrow with small actions they took over the centuries.
With this knowledge I continue my small actions daily in contributing love and beauty and knowledge to the world. By writing a blog, writing my books and my videos. By meeting people, being there for others, and empowering them to take on big things in life.
Each small action of mine multiplies outwards and reaches to the galaxies and cosmos in the ever expanding universe. I am so small, so insignificant like a speck of dust in the passing time of billions of years. Who knows if the reality we live in may be a hologram.
On days like this I ponder and wonder and reflect if it is my last day today, what will I do today? It powers me and fuels me to live life with no abandon and to pursue life feverishly like there is no tomorrow.
For this I write a question to the world today. If it is your last day today, have you thought about your last moments? Have you said what you wanted to say, and do what you wanted to do? Do you have profound love in your life?
I can confidently say yes to the above questions and I have no regrets to the life I persued to the fullest.
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January 29, 2017
Rare Jade
Two pure marble columns
Sinuous and slender…
They have been chiselled and polished by a sculptor from the unrivaled experience.
Two lithe and perverse tigers
who are sprawling languidly,
excitingly.
There is nothing more beautiful
Nothing more sublime in the world
Than the legs of my Queen.
Only to see the beautiful legs of my Queen
My heart starts to beat furiously
Excited, in love!
The Divine legs of my Queen are a wonderful gift.
It is a gift to look at her bare legs
Admire her little bare feet, resembling two white doves.
My Queen
If you’d only give to your slave the permission to place his thirsty lips
on your bare feet, so slim and tapered.
If you’d only want to let me adore and worship your Goddess feet.
Then for me it would be the ecstasy!
Though you would hit me with your pretty feet, I would consider it a gesture of love!
And if you’d whip me, perfidiously, letting me lick your lovable feet
Letting me caress your wonderful legs
Then it would be the supreme pleasure!
Because nothing will ever give me the joy you give me with your lovely legs.
Your pure porcelain legs
Your precious legs, just like the most rare jade.
Legs from the glowing skin, like pearls!
If I could ever caress your sublime legs
I would find out that your skin is so smooth and silky that nothing in the world can ever be said to be so smooth!
Not even the rarest among the rarest flowers in the mountains of Tibet!
Thank you, my Goddess,
for the endless joy you give me!
Knight David
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January 11, 2017
The Milky Way of Creation
I dream of Gackt very often. Maybe it’s the way my minions dream about Risque in her Scarlet Throne. But I had been idolising Gackt since I was a teenager and watched and consumed all his songs and videos and got them translated and even hung posters of him on my wall.
Ever so often I will get a recurring dream of him. I would be dating him in a cafe. I am in his presence where he engulfs me into his soul and disappears. He is literally everything I ever wanted in a man. He is multi-talented, plays many instruments, sings like a dove and lastly, he speaks to my soul and tugs my heartstrings like a violin as his voice enters me.
I am inspired by him, and his magical performances. Like the crazy fangirl I am, I read his biography and memorised it. I can’t speak Japanese and I will never end up marrying him or even remotely moving to Tokyo. But he still is in my life like an angel behind me and my creations. When I feel down, I turn to him and his music and it uplifts me. I had never dared write in a fanmail. I kept my obsessive feelings for him in a place where no one will see it, deeply buried in my subconscious, I am floating in the abyss of his voice.
At the back of my mind, he is always with me. In times like now when I feel quite down and upset and lousy about myself, I turn to him. He speaks to me and although he sings in a language I don’t understand, I can hear his soul. Through this healing process, I am energised to create again.
Gackt has this power over me I don’t quite comprehend either. Is it obsessive fan girl love? Or is it just the act of disappearing into his soul that makes me feel alive again? I don’t know. No one else in my life has this effect on me as he does. I could probably sing Mizerable in Japanese although I don’t understand a word just because I had listened to it thousands of times till I had memorised the lyrics in a language I don’t understand.
I totally get his misery, his isolation, his alienation. That sometimes being a creator is a solitary, lonely journey in a vast desert. There is no oasis, just mirages that appear and disappears in the desert storm. In this journey as a creator, I know my soul may never be understood or heard and yet I cry and sing a song no one might ever comprehend.
As I write this, my realisation of why I am doing what I do is pouring back to me like a torrential rain. Why did I stop for so long? Why? My existence is based on the feedback of my surroundings. If the calling is for me to create more works of art and beauty – it should be it.
In the depth of the milky way of creative energies, I am finally at one with creation itself.
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