Scarlet Risque's Blog, page 10

Disappearing Into Humanity

The greatest act of love is to give yourself to humanity for a new reality to arise. That by giving yourself to humanity is the greatest act of disappearing. When there is no more you, your consciousness will live on in the universe. Once your consciousness lives on, it will forever be part of humanity. Writing is a direct access to this power of universal consciousness, for every word we write is immortalised. For this, I chose to give myself to being an author of worlds till the end of my time.

I accept the way things are, and the way things aren’t. By accepting and not resisting against the currents, I am free to flow with the galaxy and cosmos of light. I am disappearing myself into the cosmos. Standing from a blank space of nothingness, and emptiness, I am free to create. I got how insignificant of a human being I am, a speck of dust in the grand scheme of the ever expanding universe. As I write, new universes are being created, the universe is continuously expanding and there is no human comprehension on how magnificent the universe is.

In my disappearance into the galaxy, I am at one with the flow of the cosmos. I am swimming in the cosmos, creating with my magic wand by consideration. New realities arise as I speak. My words create worlds. I love you. This is my commitment to you till the end of my time. Love can exist beyond time distance and form, there is no physicality, it is just what it is. There is nothing to prove, nothing to hide. It is just there. We are magical when we create each other, and a love that contributes all over is love that impacts the world at large. There is no better way to impact the world than to be who we are as our word for the world, and for each other.

The post Disappearing Into Humanity appeared first on AVERRAL.

The Truest Expression of an Artist

Ever so often Gackt would speak to me through his music. He is singing to my soul, pulling my heart strings, beckoning me into his story. Gackt, a Japanese singer, married a Korean woman during his music career. Soon, the paparazzi stalked his wife till she had no more privacy in her life. She fell into a deep depression, losing her freedom overnight. They parted ways soon after, and he never remarried. He disappeared from the limelight for two years before launching his music albums – Six Day and Seventh Night. They topped the charts in Japan.

The songs in the two albums thugs my heart strings till today, more than a decade later, as they were the most authentic expression of himself. The song, Saikai Story made me tear while I am in the subway station. I could not understand the lyrics but his voice brought out so much emotions stirring within me. In an interview, Gackt said he would never remarry and I never understood why. But now I finally understood.

There is calling beyond oneself, one egoistical self, that we have to experience losing the very thing we are clinging onto that only then the universal expression of ourselves can truly arise out of nothing. In his dedication to his artistry, he had to let go of security in being in a relationship – for the freedom of his spouse. It was for her happiness that he let her go, and for her to find her freedom. To release her from the very monster he created – himself as the truest expression of who he is for the world as a artist.

The truest expression of who I am for the world does not require me to be in a relationship, or have children. In fact, the very worlds I create will last beyond me than any other form of legacies I could leave behind. As an author of worlds, I have the power to create daily.

For this; I choose my artistry. I choose my solitude. I choose my happiness.

 

The post The Truest Expression of an Artist appeared first on AVERRAL.

There Is No Physicality To Love

There is no physicality to love, it can’t be proven or extracted or quantified.

Yet, it is the greatest form of ecstasy available to mankind.

It is the greatest elusive form that will not take shape till one commits to creating love out of nothing.

Yet, everything around us conditions us not to create it, but destroy and deny it.

However, it could be when one recognises love exists in the universe and we are all creations of love, that it could materialise into ecstasy by the form of numerous creations one could potentially create out of creating love and beauty to the world. It is the air we breathe, the songs we sing, the movements we make. Every part of us is filled with love, and without love, there is no aliveness. For love is aliveness itself.

Love is in the form of dynamic movement between individuals, groups and it radiates out to the universe, that they share the love we have for each other, baking and partaking in it in an endless dance in the cosmos. Love contributes all over the way it is and the way it isn’t. Love is the space beyond words. It has never been bounded by space and time, and love will exist even when we are gone, love will remain where it is, and where it isn’t. For humans had created the context of love to live into, and from this context, we can create and create, build and build on being magnificent in our love for each other.

I love you. For this, I beat on against the currents like the boats in the sea for the love lives on deep inside me.

The post There Is No Physicality To Love appeared first on AVERRAL.

The Great Gatsby Review and Analysis

The Amercian Dream – the wealth, the women and all the world has to provide for a man. Men would spend their whole lives pursuing the idealism of what it is to be socially accepted in the environment they are in. To get that woman of their dreams, and provide her with everything her heart desires, to be accepted by society as the epitome of success.

Breaking that illusion is that, maybe, it is not it. Maybe it is not about pursuing a woman. Maybe it is not about acquiring all the wealth in the world. Maybe it is just by being true to your heart, being true to who you are, being true to yourself. By answering and being honest with your feelings, by making a simple declaration of love. For all the wealth can’t be bought to the grave. All the hard work it takes to get there – it may be a waste of effort itself. For it is of utmost importance that one dedicates fully themselves to another – without the need for any form of external validation.

Even doing everything it takes to pleases someone may not be the conclusion of the ultimate goal of life to propagate one’s genes to the next generation. It may or may not happen. It could be keeping to life simple pleasures is the answer and solution to what we truly desire. That the desire for the company of a person you love keeps the demons at bay, gives you the reason for existence itself, the air that you breathe and the purposefulness and fulfilment of life.

That it could be that person may or may not be with you physically, but that person could reside in a place in your heart that will last the test of time. That our ego wants what we can’t have, for love is the ultimate service to others, for when we are lost in others, that we find ourselves again. By finding ourselves in the eyes of others, that we can truly discover what is our happiness. That love that is selfish, will lead to pain and suffering, and only by letting go that true love arises.

In the Amercian Dream, that what we desire may be illusions and all it is there to be is to be true to our hearts and honour ourselves.

 

The post The Great Gatsby Review and Analysis appeared first on AVERRAL.

Choices: Red or Blue Pill

In the film, the main character, Neo, is offered the choice between a red pill and a blue pill. The red pill would allow him to escape from the Matrix and into the real world, therefore living the “truth of reality” even though it is a harsher, more difficult life; the blue pill would lead him to staying in the Matrix, living in a pretend comfortable world. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pil...

As it is with choices, we pretend that we have the best of all worlds, when in fact at any one point of time, there is a continuous choosing of what we want our life to be. At each point of time, we are given choices, but we make decisions by killing off reasons. Decisions are not choices. A choice is a freedom to choose based on a future possibility that would unfold in the future. Making a decision based on past based reasons that we arrive at a making a decision.

Choices are powerful.

Decisions are destructive.

It is either one takes the red or blue pill, at any point in time. It is not possible to take both pills. It is not possible to be forced to take a pill. It is a choosing that one chooses one option over the other based on the future possibility that could unfold. Inauthentic fears and reasons that hold us back from making choices to arrive at decisions. It is most often the case when we commit to something by choosing it powerfully. However, we end the commitment to the very thing we chose by making a decision based on past reasons. However, it is powerful to arrive at a choice to start, and a choice to end the matter started.

For example, when starting a new job, one chooses the job. But in ending the contract, one decides to end the contract based on reasons, “not suited for the job etc.” However, it is powerful to end a commitment by choosing to end the job contract based on a choice instead of a reason. The freedom of choice allows us to be freed up of resentment and anger or bitterness to the very thing we chose at the onset. The moment we choose to end a commitment, based on our choice to end, there is lightness and freedom to create new possibilities. If we detest the ending, it traps us in a vicious cycle of reasons and justifications that hold us back into the past, and we are unable to move forward without dragging the past into the future.

To start from a clean blank state requires courage in choosing.

Black or white.

Red pill or blue pill.

Yes or no.

100% or 0%.

Whole and complete.

Choose.

The post Choices: Red or Blue Pill appeared first on AVERRAL.

I am Irreplaceable.

I was cast as the lead actress in a high school play when I was fourteen. I was given a script to memorise and put through an intensive program in the school play production. Day after day, we would rehearse our performance under extremely stressful conditions. As with lead roles, I was assigned a double. The double would replace me in the event I fall sick on the actual performance day. Deep inside me, I had a fear she would replace me, she would take my role and all my hard work will go to waste. If I couldn’t recite one line, my heart rate went up and I had a fear that my coach would remove me from the role.

The production went well and we performed at Victoria Theater, the very theater that I used to run around and hide under the velvet curtains. I fulfilled on acting in a theater production in a lead role, for my first footsteps on stage was to give flowers to musicians after their performances to the applause of the audience. This time, the audience was clapping for my performance.

Since the experience of being cast lead, “I will replace you,” has been my detriment. It ticks me off. It could be anyone saying it to me. “My ex could do those things you can’t.”, “If she can do it, why can’t you?” The very sensation of being replaced is the reason why I couldn’t perform publically without the fear I would be removed. I did everything I could to ensure I would not be replaced, I have my own YouTube channel, wrote my own books and stayed away from finding a job that where I would be “replaced”. After discovering this is my biggest constraint and blindspot, I gave up this up completely.

I no longer fear being replaced, for I am simply, irreplaceable.

The post I am Irreplaceable. appeared first on AVERRAL.

Transient Passage of Time

In this transient passage of time, we will meet others in our path. One thing for sure is that we are all going to die. What we make now from our journey to the point of death is the only thing that matters. From this blank state of canvas, what is the picture we will paint today for our reality? What is the world we will create around us?

I discovered through disappearing, that everything becomes nothing. Like a black hole, everything gets sucked into nothingness and dissipates. We inherently have the ability to disappear problems by recreating, reconstituting, reconstructing. The very act of disappearing is a black hole phenomenon. We have the ability to disappear and recreate, disappear and recreate. It is an ongoing what we declare in language that constitutes what happens next, next and next.

I never felt ready for the world, I held back and limited myself by letting my fears take over who I am. But who I am for the world is beyond who I am, I am ready to take flight, I am ready to disappear myself and reconstitute and recreate my reality by consideration. By consideration by waving a magic wand, I can create a life that contributes love, beauty and knowledge all over in all my interactions with others.

 

 

The post Transient Passage of Time appeared first on AVERRAL.

Love & Beauty

There was no love, no beauty, no soul, radiating out of my writings or creative works for the past few years. For as far as a I can remember, I bottled my emotions in a jar and never let it out. I was afraid of showing the world who I was, and being up to something bigger than myself. I kept myself locked in a cage in a self inflicted masochistic suffering for no reason. It was a small game, and it made me grew smaller, and smaller till I lost significance of who I was.

I covered my insecurities with acquiring wealth, with travels, with luxury fine dining and goods. I ran away from my family and friends for years in circles, and I never confronted my past. I would not commit to anything, but I did the very basic things to survive life by getting things out of others, to the point of being manipulative. I was in a bad shape, and I never looked at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted with the way I was. I would not look at myself in the mirror, for I see nothing reflected back at me.

To myself, I am a disgusting human being who is dirty, unclean and filthy. As much as I try to upkeep my appearances by diligently following a set of skin care and work out routines, deep inside me I abhor the way I looked. I wondered why people kept staring at me. Why did they keep looking at me. Why people kept asking if I am actress, if I am Eurasian, if I am this and that, and why can’t they just speak to me as the way I am.

I traced my ancestry and there is not a slight drop of European genes in my genetics although my hair and eye colour is dark brown. It is a genetic mutation. Being of a unique exotic look meant I was the center of every social situation attention. I hated how I look. Why can’t I be pure chinese, or ordinary looking, why can’t I just blend in and be like everyone else. Why can’t I be… why was a gifted with a look that made me stand out from others?

It is the difference in the way I look that made me an outcast in school, I would get caught every year for dying my hair although I didn’t. My hair appears copper red under sunlight. It is naturally occurring. My tuition teacher would put my hair under the lamp light and examine it, wondering why my hair colour is brownish copper red. He came up with a theory it was iron production. Whatever it is, I was disgusted with my genetics, that I didn’t fit in or belonged to any social situation.

There was no love, no beauty, no nothing. There was angst, hate, disgust, destruction from within me. I would dream about what zombies to kill, how to dominate my opponents in the online games I was engaged in, how to conquer fortresses and how to manage teams of people to do so. I was nominated guild leader in a number of guilds, and my last post was being a guild officer of a top ranked guild in world of warcraft before my best friend and I decided to quit gaming to pursue our life dreams. Everywhere I went, leadership followed me like a shadow, but I never responded to the calling. I never faced who I was and I ran away from my creations, my shadows, my past and my future. I spiraled downwards to the point I was too exhausted to run, too feeble to resist, and too weakened – that I stopped avoiding.

By facing my past present and future fully, I am regaining the reins of my life, restoring the parts of my identity I rejected, and being a whole and complete person by making a declaration of who I am to the world. That it is my word that who I am is to radiate love and beauty in all my relationships, and contribute knowledge to the future generations to come. I accept the way I look in the mirror, and I no longer hate my genes. I accept that I have a unique look and that’s what I am gifted with. I will use my gifts to contribute to the world, and be beyond who I am by being there for others. I will create reality by consideration by consciously creating the world I want to see today and I will no longer run away from who I am.

The post Love & Beauty appeared first on AVERRAL.

Ending Resistance

I am currently on ACT 3 of Purple Python, and as always, I am encountering an internal resistance to finish the book. I tend to leave my projects at 90% completion and run away. But I had broke out of that pattern by completing all my short stories by compiling them, as well as publishing two novels. The internal state of resistance sets in when I am about the write the final two scenes. It is not a new occurrence, it is already always there, and I have an urge to run. I spent 40 minutes walking around yesterday but I got stuck. Today, I wrote half a scene and got stuck again. I am now writing this to overcome my anxiety and fear of completing the book.

I wrote the ending of Blue Orca only after revising its second draft, then I finally wrote the ending scene. But I don’t want to do it with this book, I want to write the ending. I want to end the first draft and move on to the second draft. I am sick and tired of my own internal resistance. I know it is gonna end but I am enjoying the roller coaster ride too much to get off. I have to get off and start my other projects. I filmed four audio clips by Risque yesterday and went on a beta live stream for 30 minutes today, but they are just temporary side distractions from the main project which is to finish the goddam novel.

I am on a hyper-productive drive but my body is shutting down, it wants to travel, nap and walk. It doesn’t want to write the ending. My body sensations tell me to leave my project 90% complete. It’s ridiculous how I spent 4 years completing the Red Hourglass from inception. Ridiculous to overcome my comfortableness by travelling to a few cities to complete the book. The second book, I kept to a daily regime and wrote it from start to finish within a stipulated time frame. But for the Purple Python, I am thrown off my schedule and I am back on it, but it is giving me difficulty. In the sense that my writing is elevated and I don’t know how to control the monster I created. It’s defeating me. But I know this are just inauthentic fears trying to rip me, and I should just take control back of the writing and be the author that I am.

Writing a book has been a self-discovery journey, and there is no way I could write without confronting my own demons. I had dealt with them, that it is all complete as of now. Even my nightmares, they had stopped. My flashbacks, they had disappeared. What is left now is the space between my hands and the keyboard. Between my thoughts and words on the page. That I have to write it out and let it go and not keep it within me.

For the story exists within me and all I have to do is express it.

 

The post Ending Resistance appeared first on AVERRAL.

Acceptance

I had wound up being where I am today because of what I had inherited from my environment – a childhood surrounded by libraries and books, a competitive streak as a result of my teenage gaming years, a series of broken relationships due to my dysfunctional nature of being unable to receive love, a love for art and theater and travel from what I was exposed to. It is an inherited context that I wound up being where I am today as an author of two books, a YouTube channel with two million views and an entrepreneur.

I wound up being a dysfunctional solitary person who believes  “I am not understood and the world is full of suffering.” that propels me to do what I do, without any need for recognition. I had doubled people’s incomes and set them onto their life path just by them having a conversation with me. There are layers upon layers most people are unable to confront, which I unwrap till it reaches the core before they are set free into a path of who they truly are.

In the process, I am disappearing myself completely by being there for others, in my community and the world. In the disappearance of myself, only can universalism arise. I am disappearing my need for validation, for the need of love, for the need of anything egotistical. I am disappearing myself, by being in the eyes of others.

In my disappearance, I am letting go of my need for a lover, my need for a soul mate, my needs for anyone to satisfy any of my wants. I am letting go of the loves in my life, and my broken past, my nightmares, my flashbacks, my pain and my pleasure.

I am fully engrossed in reality by being there for others, being the person I truly am. In my disappearance, I have broken out of the cocoon and I am free to soar the skies as a butterfly.

I had finally accepted myself for who I am.

The post Acceptance appeared first on AVERRAL.