Scarlet Risque's Blog, page 16

Reflections on being Exotic in China

I am not born in China. That means I am a foreigner, or an “outsider” looking in. My DNA results show that I am 93.9% Chinese and not 99% Chinese either. Hence, for a person born in China who looks at me, they think I am an exotic.

Here are some of my encounters: 

1. When I was buying a silk qipao in Suzhou, I had to choose XXL size as apparently, my butt sticks out more than the typical Chinese. The service staff remarked, “your butt sticks out and it’s so nice! You see my butt, it is so flat.” To them a big butt that sticks out is an exotic feature. Which left me a little confused but okay.

2. In a group company gathering, whereby I was a “guest”, they remarked my eyes are “big, clear and shiny” and asked where I got my big eyes from. I would attribute it to my genetics which has a certain percentage of being “southeast asian”. It is not typical to have big eyes in China.

3. When I entered my hotel room, the cleaner said, “beautiful lady, can I clean your room now?”, I had been called this term a few times by service staff usually by much older ladies. It’s probably the Australian equivalent of “Yes dear, I can do it for you”.

4. When I went to the spa, the masseur asked if I am a student and if I am 18 years old. It’s a huge compliment ~

I had ample of opportunities to practice speaking in mandarin and connecting back with my motherland. I am quite content that most of the cultural and heritage areas in Hangzhou and Suzhou are well preserved for tourists and the future generations to enjoy.

But still, the best treasures are in Taiwan and the museums in China are rather disappointing. The treasures left in China are poorly kept and preserved with not much historical explaination.

One of the best museums on Asian exhibits I had encountered is on the island of Corfu in Greece. I liked the Asian museum so much I visited it twice. It was a moving story book that moved from one era and culture to the next. The ambassador of Greece collected a few hundred art pieces and donated it to the museum before his death and documented each object with accuracy and explaination on their usage.

The china style of preservation of historical relics is more economically motivated with not much explaination. Still, the gardens and historical architectural make up for the lack of treasures (or duplicates of real treasures). In the Chinese language, historical relics are called “national treasures”. Or “imperial grade treasure” if used by the emperor.

When the kuomingtang democracy party ran to Taiwan after losing the battle with the communist, they took the imperial grade treasures to claim soviegnity over the republic of China, citing they have the real treasures. China was emptied of its treasures by foreign invasion and the burning of the summer palace.

In fact the British museum contains more high grade valuable treasures than what China has. But this is changing as private donations are pouring in from wealthy collectors outside China who had decided to return the treasures back to the motherland. Shanghai museum is an example of this.

Visiting China opened my eyes to a land beyond my imagination, and I hope to visit again in future.

 

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Les Miserables

Before I depart to a land of no return

There are words I would like to say

But these words will turn into echos, into dust

Before they can reach you.

There are many a times I tried to reach

Beyond the looking glass

To the dimension where you are

But you are so lost, so lost in the desert storm

I can’t find you no more.

Sometimes I want to

Give up, give up.

There is no wind to lift my wings no more

In this flight, I can’t soar

I am dying, dying.

Yet, singing singing

A song that you can’t hear

In the desert storm

My words turn to echoes of the wind

As the dust buries me

deep into the desert soil

Les Miserables.

 

 

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Red Threads of Love

I used to watch television shows where by the Chinese God of Love would tie a red silk on mortals to amuse himself. When he ties a red silk on two unsuspecting morals, they will fall in love. He would tie the red silk on a beautiful lady and a ugly man and watch how that plays out. He would amuse himself by sitting on a tree and laugh at their folly.

In Ancient China, marriages are arranged. The notion of romantic love wasn’t accepted. It was more commonly accepted that one should be filial to their parents and parents should decide their children’s marriages with the consultation of a matchmaker. The love deity, however, runs havoc on the moral world by his “mismatches”. Couples would pray to the love deity in the temple in hope that they will love the person they are match made with. Furthermore, they will not know who they would marry till the actual wedding day itself.

If this is still true in this day and age, I would have been married at age 19 to my mother’s preferred match –  the eldest son of a steel tycoon. We had no chemistry, and there was no topics I could speak to him about. We went from one place to another, dining and spending extravagant amounts. I pitied him but I just had no feelings for him. I tried to like him, but it was rather unreal, untrue and forced. Anyway, I was glad it ended. I felt so much better after that. Love can’t be created out of nothing, without an emotional connection, it is hard to make it happen.

I like writing about topics on “red paint”, “red ropes” and “red hourglass” etc as it all links to the ancient God of Love. It is almost a permanent mark on a person once it (the love) happens. In the western world, Baby Cupid is the God that induces loves in young couples. But in the Chinese world, it is an old man who amuses himself with his own antics.

In my latest book, BLUE ORCA, there is a chapter on Red Paint. It is a metaphorical description on a tattoo mark that brands someone for life – in this case, red paint was the defining moment that life changes for the main character, Mimi. The next test I am setting myself up to do is to write concretely on Red Ropes and how the act of bondage entwines with love.

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Venus In Furs Polanski (Movie Review)

Having read Venus in Furs when I was 18 years old, I was pleasantly surprised that the flight I was on route to Paris had an independent movie called Venus in Furs by Polanski. It is in French with English subtitles. There were only two actors (the male and female lead who happens to be Polanski’s wife) in a run down theater in the production. The novel Venus in Furs is undoubtedly a BDSM classic, with the term “masochism” originating from the author of novel.

I spent most of my formative years in the theater. My mother performed and taught classical piano. We would be at the theater every weekend.I knew every nook and canny. I would play hide and seek with other children behind the red velvet curtains during rehearsals. At the buffet line I could not drink coffee or tea, so I would pour myself a cup of milk. When I watched Venus in Furs, I was instantly transported back into the theater of my childhood and the performances that it held.

In the movie, the actress lounges on the sofa and struts her stuff by proving to the director (the male lead) that she deserves the role. Hence, the movie is like watching what happens behind a theater production, than the production itself. On how the actress seduces the director, and how the director falls into her whims and becomes her masochist in his own fantasy reenactment of the script as the actor. On many levels, it is like watching Inception but theater style.

First, you have Polanski who is the real director of the play, casting his wife into the female lead role.

Secondly, you have the young male lead act as the director in the movie itself who is casting a new actress who walked in to be his new lead.

Thirdly, you have the director in the movie audition the script (Venus in Furs) with the female lead, and in this sense, the director enacts his fantasy to be the male lead of the show with the new actress.

If you can’t wrap your mind around what I just wrote, you have to watch the movie as it is so subliminal on many levels that it was a mind boggling. I had to research on the nature of Polanski and his wife relationship (Polanski has a 33 years age gap with his wife) and how they met to get a real feel of what he is trying to communicate in this movie.

In my conclusion, this movie is a fantasy of the director, Polanski and his wife Emmanuelle Seigner. It is the fruition of their love for theater and movies, and their collaboration on this is a milestone on their marriage. It is a classic by itself as Polanski hits the mark on this movie on the themes of dominance and submission, and how a woman is able to manipulate and control a man’s thoughts by his lust for her. The actress humiliates the director as a “pervert” as the director falls deeper into the trap she has woven, for she wants the role badly and isn’t gonna let the director stop her from becoming the lead actress. I highly recommend this movie and it is still in my thoughts although I watched it in 2014. I still knew I have to write a review about it to release it from my mind (that’s the impact of this movie, it leaves your brain spinning with intellectual stimulation). Go watch it.

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My life changed the day She walked in

This story takes place two years in the future in August 2018.  The Dark Queen’s fame had skyrocketed following the publishing of her second novel, which had received glowing reviews in the mainstream media.  Her worship wall and her patreon were overflowing. Her power was growing…

My life changed the day She walked into the Manhattan bank where I was a loan officer.  Heads turned as the dark haired beauty strutted into the bank, flanked by two muscular giants who must have been Her knights.  She was wearing Her trademark short black dress, revealing her supple dancer’s legs, and 4 inch black stillettos drawing attention to Her sexy feet.

I recognized Her immediately of course, as I had been one of Her worshipping minions for more than two years.  But before I could get to Her, my beautiful colleague Mabel intercepted Her and directed Her to Mabel’s office.  I couldn’t let this once in a lifetime opportunity to meet Her pass, but  I had to balance discretion against obsession.  One more look at Her from behind strutting sensuously into Mabel’s office, and it was no contest: obsession ruled the day.

I bolted over to Mabel’s office and opened the door.

“I’ll take this one Mabel.  I had promised to serve Madmoiselle Risque when she contacted me earlier.” I half-lied, referring only to my contact with Her through Her worship wall, never having dreamed of actually meeting Her in the flesh.  I was gambling that my Queen would recognize one of Her lowly minions and prefer to have a business dealing with someone over which She could exercise the fullness of Her power.

Luckily, She did.  She got up and left Mabel’s office with a dismissive wave.  Her giant Knights followed Her without a word.  Once inside my office, we sat at a table where I had a good view of Her legs.  Her Knights remained standing behind Her.

I was terrified to address Her.  She was famous now, and clearly knew when She had power over someone, and how to show it.  She crossed Her legs, and Her dress ran up a bit, revealing more of Her supple, silky thighs.  I began to melt even more.  I took a file folder out of my desk and handed it to her.  It contained copies of the half-dozen photos of Her that I had collected as Her lowly minion subscriber over the past two years.  The photos were a bit worn, as I had been worshipping them daily as instructed by my Queen.

My eyes followed Her legs down to Her perfect feet.  She flexed Her arches and began to dangle one of Her stillettos from her Royal toes.  I dropped to my knees with my hands behind my back like a good lowly minion.

“How can I serve you my Queen?”

I trembled as I waited breathlessly for Her response.

“Before we discuss business, I need to know who I am dealing with.  Tell me about yourself and what you can do to please me.”

It took me a moment to compose myself as my heart raced and my mouth dried.  “I am Your lowly servant, Minion Arthur.  I wish I could be one of Your Knights, but clearly I am not worthy.  I live to serve Your every command and wish to submit unconditionally to Your will. My greatest fantasy is to be rewarded for my service by being allowed to kneel before You and worship Your perfect feet, my gorgeous Queen.”  I managed to look away from her toes and gaze upward in awe at Her.  I saw an evil smile begin to cross Her beautiful face.

“Are you sure that you know what it means to surrender to me unconditionally?” she purred.

“Yes, I do, my Queen.  I promise not to disappoint You.” I replied, knowing that I could be biting off more than I could chew, but unwilling to give up the once in a lifetime chance to please the woman I had obsessed about worshipping for two years.

“Then do exactly as I say with no hesitation, or I will walk out of here and you will never see me again.  I will fucking block you from YouTube and my patreon.”  She slammed Her high-heeled foot on the floor and I quivered in fear at what She might do next.  She returned Her other high heel shoe to Her foot.  “I will give you a taste of the Kingdom of Pleasure and Pain. Get your colleague Mabel in here now.  Do it”.

I wasn’t expecting that.  Risque couldn’t have known that I had had a crush on Mabel for seven years, with my unrequited love rejected two years ago, causing me to seek comfort from my pain on the Internet, ultimately finding the Scarlet Queen.  She couldn’t know that, could She?  Mabel was also a beauty of Chinese descent, who had a striking resemblance to Risque.  My Queen was very sharp and must have noticed that, but was She so brilliant that She could read me in an instant?  I was about to find out.  I was all in with my desire to worship my Dark Queen, and wasn’t about to question her first order. I picked up the phone and called Mabel.  I asked her to come into my office to help with the client.  The evil smile crossed my Queen’s face again, and She crossed Her sexy legs, as if to draw me deeper into Her web.  She was absolutely and totally in control, knew it, and was enjoying it.  It turned me on even more knowing that She was toying with me, even though I knew that it would end with Her crushing me.  I just didn’t know how She would do it.  But it would all be worth it if I could get just one kiss of Her perfect feet.

Within a few moments, there was a knock on the door and Mabel walked in. Risque stood to address Mabel, who had a quizzical look on her face, obviously still wondering what had taken place in her office a few minutes ago.

“I am Scarlet Risque.  I prefer to deal with strong, beautiful, intelligent women, rather than weak, grovelling men.  Please sit with me.”  The two of them sat and crossed their legs.  I was in heaven at the sight of two goddesses, but terrified at where this could be going.  “Assume the position, minion” Risque commanded.

I got down on my knees in front of my Queen, with my hands behind my back.  I saw the look of utter shock on Mabel’s face out of the corner of my eye.  Her eyes got even wider as I said “How may I serve you my Dark Queen?”

“Describe in detail how you fantasize about serving me”, Risque purred.

“My Queen, I dream day and night about removing Your shoes and worshipping Your perfect feet like a dirty little minion pet.  I want to gently massage them, loving caress Your tender arches, run my fingers along the tops of Your feet, lick Your soles, and suck on every one of Your toes.  You are a goddess who deserves to be worshipped!”

Risque turned to Mabel and they conversed for a while in Mandarin.  I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but I was aroused at the possibility that Risque would allow me to perform my fantasy to show off Her power in front of Mabel.  Unfortunately, I underestimated how much pain that Risque could inflict, as I was about to find out.

“Remove your clothes minion,” Risque ordered.  I was embarrassed because I was in a state of arousal that I couldn’t hide, but I followed Her orders without question and got back on my knees when I was totally naked.  She laughed Her evil laugh.  “Why do you think I would let a lowly minion like you touch me, when I have real Knights at my beck and call?”  She snapped her fingers.  Her Knights immediately emerged from the background, removed their clothes, and got down on their knees in front of Risque on either side of me.  I felt completely inadequate, as all of their parts were exponentially more impressive than mine.

Risque kicked off Her heels, and my heart skipped a beat as I thought for a moment that I would have the opportunity to fulfill my fantasies, albeit not the way I had dreamed about.  But it was not to be.  She lifted Her feet, and each Knight took one and began to worship them, exactly as I had described my fantasy.  She was tormenting me!  It became immediately clear that She was an expert at knowing how to inflict pain.  I was inches away from paradise, but She wouldn’t let me reach out and touch it.  And not only was She denying my fantasy, She was exposing my inner demons to my beautiful colleague.

“You may clean my high heels with your tongue, minion” She commanded.  Without hesitation, I began to do so.  It was humiliating, but it was exhilerating to be able to worship my dream Queen.

“You pathetic minion.  Why do you think I would be willing to do business with a lowly helpless minion like you.  You must learn your place in this world.  It is a woman’s world, where you can only dream of worshipping a Queen like me.  Mabel, let’s go to your office.  I will do business with you and only you.  If you prove yourself worthy, I will lend you one of my Knight’s to do with as you please.”

With that, She put Her shoes back on, got up and walked out of my office without so much as a glance back down at me.  Mabel and the Knights followed.  Mabel tried to hide it, but I thought I saw a flicker of lust cross her face, amidst the evident disdain and disgust as she looked down at me in my naked and shamed state.

I curled up on the floor and began to cry quietly.  I had learned a lesson from the master about the true meaning of pleasure and pain. I had feelings of shame at what She had done to me, pain of being so close but so far from my one true fantasy, and jealousy at how Mabel and Risque might use the Knights for their pleasure.  But amidst all this, I looked down and saw that I was still hard, and my mind began wondering if some how, some way, this was not the end of the story…

 

Minion Arthur

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Debunking Business Women Myths

I will not tolerate statements such as “you are a girl so you should just marry a rich guy and you don’t need a degree.” Or “you don’t need a business degree to start your own business.” Women should be able to decide what they want for their own careers, and contrary to popular belief, a business degree or post graduate degree is needed in this modern day and age to do well in the business in the globalised interconnected cross cultural world at top level positions. And if the entrepreneur doesn’t have these qualifications, it is because they are surrounded by partners and employees who have them.

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Beautiful Now

A noticeable result since starting on the introduction leaders program to landmark forum in June is that I no longer experience mood swings or stress. I gained clarity over my life and am able to presence myself into the present. My productivity has increased tremendously, I am writing a lot more. My self mastery is beginning to take form. It is by far the most powerful program I had undertaken to date.

When I consume media such as Beautiful Now, Cloud Atlas, movies, or books, I gain much more insights than I used to. I had delved deep into the nature of relationships around my community and gained an access to speaking to people in a way that inspires them to take action. I overcame my fear of abandonment and focused on what I have instead of what I don’t have.

I began to understand even sharing my results is futile, what is important is for others to discover themselves by their own initiative. Be it reading books, attending talks or meeting friends, there are many paths to the journey and having a combination of pathways is neither right or wrong, it is what it is. It is a choice.

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Inquiry into Real and Fake Relationships

I had been inquiring into the nature of relationships around me to subjectively observe what the nature is about. I realised that most relationships exist in name but not in realness. What I mean by realness is that we hardly meet or have one on one conversations in real life. Most relationships in my observable reality is virtual. It’s by texting mostly. It’s about following feeds or sharing images and videos. There is no realness to it except the interaction between two screens. That itself is not a “real” relationship but a perceived reality of a relationship

Even having a real life relationship does not mean there is a relationship itself. I had observed that even in a real life relationship the topics gravitate towards un-realness. It is mostly gossip, jokes and random trivia. When I read Natsuo Kirino’s novels on Groteseque and Out, there was subjective inquiry into the nature of relationships between the characters who thought they knew each other including a pair of sisters, but in the end, they didn’t really know each other inner, private lives and secrets.

When the nature of subjectivity of what is real and fake comes into question, I realised that most people have a fixed perception of who I am, and the me they think I am is also not exactly the me I am. Hence, my identity is a flux and it changes when I go from one context to another context. From speaking to an elderly, to a young child. There is no fixed identity, but it is perceived identity of what they think I am. Inversely, my impression on others is also filtered by my past experiences. Unless I reinvent a new way of looking at the situation, the situation remains the same or is filtered through my default lenses.

In this inquiry, I realised I have relationships that exist in name but they are not in existence. For example, I had a past lover but actually the ex lover only exists in my head and not in real life. It is internal, and it is not an external thing. Externally there isn’t any lover. It is what I imagine, and if I do see him in real life, it is a projection of my thoughts onto him which isn’t exactly real either.

In this blurring line of reality and unreality, I had gained clarity on where to draw the line on certain relationships and where to stand from. In this sense, the clarity of the inquiry of relationships itself enables me to become sharper on honing down what is unsaid or said, real or not real, and what is authentic or inauthentic. I am not yet a master at this but practicing this inquiry is probably the most powerful exercise I had ever undertaken to date.

I highly recommend taking a subjective look into your life and test the waters on who is, or who isn’t there for you by simply holding an unreasonable event and see who agrees to it. Don’t be shocked at the results, they are unreal after all.

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Completion

Faced with an almost completed manuscript that knocks me in and out like a racket ball, it hurls in another direction. 

When I resist it, 

it haunts my thoughts. 

When I attempt it, 

it takes my soul. 

When I relish in it,

It gives me my existence. 

I had been on a nine months writing marathon and the fire is burning out. I will finish the race by end of this month. Thank you for reading this and sharing my diabolical journey and life that made my novel sequel, Blue Orca possible. 

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Finding Inauthenticities – The Difference between Good and Great

A writer’s job in editing is finding about inauthenticities in the writing. For every work, there is continuous revisions to update the work itself. As it goes with relationships, it is a daily commitment to make relationships work. It is not a given that we are born to a family that we know our family members well either. It is a daily re-commitment to talk to them and get to know them better.

Finding inauthenticities frees us up to being authentic with who we are. Who we are is the sum of the people in our lives. To be truly free, is to be truly authentic about our inauthentic selves. When a person of high integrity talks, the words cut through. The impact shakes the universe. I had that experience in front of Heather Graham. Her words impacted me in a way that left me moved to believe that it was possible to be a world renowned author.

Heather Graham’s husband was in the audience during her panel at the Thrillerfest. When asked which actress she would choose to portray a character in her book, she said, “I will choose my own daughter, who is an aspiring actress.” What makes Heather Graham great is not the 150 novels she had written, but her ability to inspire others around her. Similarly, what makes C. J. Box a best selling author was his reply to the question of who the beta readers of his books are is, “his wife and three children.”

The great authors are at their truly authentic selves as their family is involved in every process in the way of them being able to shake the world and sell millions of books with lasting impact. Authors who are overnight success on the other hand, do not have the lasting impact of success due to the inauthenticities that creep in once they had made it.

 

Added footnote:

After visiting New York and meeting world reowned authors in the Thrillerfest, I realised that working on inauthenticities is crucial to making authenticity work. The big names we see who impact the world are life figures of those who had overcame their own inauthenticities to make a difference in this world. The people who are limited in their fixed way of being are subconsciously limiting those around them. By being open to feedback, a person rises from mediocrity to greatness.

 

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