Talena Winters's Blog, page 4

Of Beauties and Beasts: How Damaged Heroes Point to Redemptive Love

My obsession with the tale as old as time…

“Love me, that’s all I ask of you.”

— Andrew Lloyd Webber, The Phantom of the Opera

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved fairytales. As she grew, she sought out fairytales in all their versions. She was always delighted when one of them was made into a movie—but a few stood out from the rest. Such as one of her all-time favourite Disney movies, Beauty and the Beast.

When Disney released their acclaimed movie in 1991, I was only fourteen years old. I bought it on VHS and wore it out.

The next year, I had the opportunity to see the Off-Broadway version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera with my school band, which then became my new obsession. And I do mean obsession. I paid to to take my family to see it again out of my own meager wallet, listened to the soundtrack on a loop for months on end, and read both the original novel and a modern retelling by Susan Kay many several times.

Even at the time, I recognized the similarity between the two stories. But I'm not the only one who has become obsessed with the “tale as old as time.” The story of a charming beauty learning to love a prickly beast—loving the unloveable, and thereby saving them with that love—is a common romantic theme.

Pride and Prejudice. You've Got Mail. Moulin Rouge. My Fair Lady.

All of these love stories feature characters (often both of them) who seem unloveable or undesireable and are somehow “redeemed” by the influence or love of the other. (And yes, these are more of my favourites stories.)

What is it about this story line that makes it so moving?

I believe what moves us most are stories we identify with most strongly.

My heart was broken by these stories, but I didn't put myself in Belle’s shoes. (Though, had her dress presented itself, I may have borrowed that!) I always identified most strongly with Beast, or the Phantom—the gruff, damaged suitor who longed to be redeemed and restored by the love of someone kinder and more generous than he.

I think that’s the secret to the enduring popularity of the tale. No one really feels that bad for Beauty (in the original story), who gives up a pretty good life (though tormented by her older sisters) to live an even more pampered one with the Beast, who does nothing but lavish her with gifts and treat her kindly.

Or for Christine Daaé, the promising engenue of a psychotic “opera ghost” who finds fame and a handsome lover to save her from her life of loneliness (and the psycho).

Yes, these women have problems. But don’t we secretly ache for the damaged men who love them, hoping those broken souls can find the acceptance they crave?

Don’t we all feel a little (or a lot) broken sometimes and want someone to do the same for us?

I know I do. I am beyond thankful for the man I married, who puts up with my many flaws with grace and kindness.

That’s probably why my books The Friday Night Date Dress and Finding Heaven (or any of them, really) feature damaged heroines and heroes who find redemption and acceptance in the other.

When you strip away the fantastical trappings, the Beauty and the Beast story is about a broken person finding redemption through the self-sacrificing love of another—which is the ultimate definition of what love is.

This is the story that defines me. And it's not only the Tale as Old as Time, but also the Greatest Story Ever Told.

Because we could all use a little redemption once in a while.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

— Romans 5:8

This post was originally published in the Books & Inspiration Newsletter on 2019-02-15.

Since I originally wrote this post, Disney came out with the live action Beauty and the Beast, which I also loved. They took the original and honoured its spirit while making it a little deeper, fresher, and more original, and I love it when adaptations can do that.

What are some of your favourite versions of the Beauty and the Beast story? Let me know in the comments below!

Want to show your support? Join my community or buy me a coffee. You can also subscribe to this blog or buy one of my books.

Of Beauties and Beasts

My obsession with the tale as old as time…

“Love me, that’s all I ask of you.”

— Andrew Lloyd Webber, The Phantom of the Opera

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved fairytales. As she grew, she sought out fairytales in all their versions. She was always delighted when one of them was made into a movie—but a few stood out from the rest. Such as one of her all-time favourite Disney movies, Beauty and the Beast.

When Disney released their acclaimed movie in 1991, I was only fourteen years old. I bought it on VHS and wore it out.

The next year, I had the opportunity to see the Off-Broadway version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera with my school band, which then became my new obsession. And I do mean obsession. I paid to to take my family to see it again out of my own meager wallet, listened to the soundtrack on a loop for months on end, and read both the original novel and a modern retelling by Susan Kay many several times.

Even at the time, I recognized the similarity between the two stories. But I'm not the only one who has become obsessed with the “tale as old as time.” The story of a charming beauty learning to love a prickly beast—loving the unloveable, and thereby saving them with that love—is a common romantic theme.

Pride and Prejudice. You've Got Mail. Moulin Rouge. My Fair Lady.

All of these love stories feature characters (often both of them) who seem unloveable or undesireable and are somehow “redeemed” by the influence or love of the other. (And yes, these are more of my favourites stories.)

What is it about this story line that makes it so moving?

I believe what moves us most are stories we identify with most strongly.

My heart was broken by these stories, but I didn't put myself in Belle’s shoes. (Though, had her dress presented itself, I may have borrowed that!) I always identified most strongly with Beast, or the Phantom—the gruff, damaged suitor who longed to be redeemed and restored by the love of someone kinder and more generous than he.

I think that’s the secret to the enduring popularity of the tale. No one really feels that bad for Beauty (in the original story), who gives up a pretty good life (though tormented by her older sisters) to live an even more pampered one with the Beast, who does nothing but lavish her with gifts and treat her kindly.

Or for Christine Daaé, the promising engenue of a psychotic “opera ghost” who finds fame and a handsome lover to save her from her life of loneliness (and the psycho).

Yes, these women have problems. But don’t we secretly ache for the damaged men who love them, hoping those broken souls can find the acceptance they crave?

Don’t we all feel a little (or a lot) broken sometimes and want someone to do the same for us?

I know I do. I am beyond thankful for the man I married, who puts up with my many flaws with grace and kindness.

That’s probably why my books The Friday Night Date Dress and Finding Heaven (or any of them, really) feature damaged heroines and heroes who find redemption and acceptance in the other.

When you strip away the fantastical trappings, the Beauty and the Beast story is about a broken person finding redemption through the self-sacrificing love of another—which is the ultimate definition of what love is.

This is the story that defines me. And it's not only the Tale as Old as Time, but also the Greatest Story Ever Told.

Because we could all use a little redemption once in a while.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

— Romans 5:8

This post was originally published in the Books & Inspiration Newsletter on 2019-02-15.

Since I originally wrote this post, Disney came out with the live action Beauty and the Beast, which I also loved. They took the original and honoured its spirit while making it a little deeper, fresher, and more original, and I love it when adaptations can do that.

What are some of your favourite versions of the Beauty and the Beast story? Let me know in the comments below!

Want to show your support? Join my community or buy me a coffee. You can also subscribe to this blog or buy one of my books.

Life Lessons from a Late-Undiagnosed ADHD-er

“Everything distracted me, but most of all myself.”

— Patti Smith, Just Kids

Last week, my husband sent me an Instagram reel* of a couple of girls on a podcast. One of them, Lucy, had just admitted she never uses a calendar or any sort of reminder system, because she just… remembers everything somehow. The other one was aghast and incredulous.

My husband’s comment? “Remember when we could do this? I was Lucy. Lucy was me.”

My own response was much more inline with the incredulous interviewer. I replied, “I haven’t been Lucy since I was thirteen years old, because before then, no one expected me to make decisions for my own schedule and actually ensure I accomplished those things.”

(And, like the other girl, I also got hives at Lucy’s 84k+ unread emails…)

Ironically, both of these girls could have ADHD. Or neither of them. But what I do know is, when you’ve lived with undiagnosed ADHD for a long time (or diagnosed), you learn an awful lot of ways to cope with the ways your brain struggles with the everyday expectations of our society—and that often includes creating systems to compensate.

In the last couple of months, I have learned an incredible amount about the ways ADHD has shaped my life, and my dedication to time management is one of them. I mean, how many people start keeping to-do lists at thirteen? (Or maybe ten? I don’t honestly know how old I was when I started making these for myself. My mother taught me the habit early, and I saw the value.)

In fact, I think that, compared to what I imagine the average person is probably like, I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of my time organizing time and work. I’ve got systems for my systems.

I’ve used more productivity hacks, apps, and systems than I can even remember, with varying degrees of success. (Different life phases required different levels of management, obviously.) I even wrote a blog post about how I stay so productive, and the basic structure of my systems remains unchanged, even if the specifics have changed somewhat. I’ve also written plenty of blog posts about recovering from the burnout I’ve cycled in and out of due to my constant push for productivity.

(If you’re expecting this to be another one of those, it’s not. #sorrynotsorry)

Now, I’m watching two of my adult kiddos struggle with many of the same things I’ve struggled with over the years as far as managing “all the things.” And I’m so. thankful. that I found out we all have ADHD before they had to keep struggling unsupported for as long as I have. Here are a few things I hope I can help them learn, and that I had to learn the hard way over the past almost half-century of living.

And if you or someone you love has ADHD, is just starting out in life, or is simply frustrated by how long it’s taking to achieve success, I hope this helps you too.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.

“Don’t worry, you can change your mind about your choices later. But you won’t know if you want to unless you actually try something first.”

The options can be overwhelming—so pick one and start on it. The only way to make progress is to actually be moving, however slowly, so if you want to do something, you need to get over the initial resistance and start doing it. If you want to learn how to play guitar, you’ll need an instrument, a teacher or tutorial, and practice. If you want to have a career, you’ll need to decide on one to start with and make steps along that path. Don’t worry—in most cases, you can change your mind later. But you won’t know if you want to unless you actually try something first.

Slow progress is still progress. You write a book one word at a time. You knit a sweater one stitch at a time. Whatever your goals are that you wanted yesterday, you can get them in your tomorrow if you keep working toward them today, bit by bit.

“Whatever your goals are that you wanted yesterday, you can get them in your tomorrow if you keep working toward them today, bit by bit.”

You can do it all… but not all at once. I know you’re interested in so many things. Life is longer than you think, so trust that you’ll have time to do the things you want. For now, choose the ones you want to pursue most, and pursue them wholeheartedly… until you’re ready to change it up, of course.

(And it’s okay if you’re doing or pursuing more than other people. It may take you longer to find your “thing” or to figure out your version of “success”, but you’ll get there eventually.)

Your weaknesses can become your strengths.

You’re going to need to be more proactive than most people to move forward… and that’s your superpower. Throughout history, it’s people who have had to struggle the most who have often achieved the most. (Check out The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday on Goodreads.) It’s because things are harder for you that you can succeed.

Thanks to the executive disfunction of the ADHD brain, we are interest-driven in a way the average person is not. If we aren’t interested in a task, accomplishing it takes every ounce of our willpower. But if we’re engaged, time seems to stop and we want to keep doing it forever… until it becomes difficult, of course. Then we’re tempted to switch to the next easy pursuit that promises another hit of dopamine.

But what about the thing that’s worth the struggle? The thing you’re actually passionate enough about to push through the hard or boring parts to get back to the parts you love?

To pursue any of your many interests deeply enough to move forward, you’ll need to develop muscles that those who have it easier won’t have to develop. You’ll need to learn things about yourself that others may not be curious about for themselves. You’ll develop the grit and determination and perseverence and self-knowledge to keep going, even when it’s really hard and you want to quit. And you’re going to develop your creativity and resourcefulness to herculean levels to overcome the extra obstacles you find in your way.

And it will suck. But it will also help you be amazing.**

“Allow your innate creativity and pattern-matching ability to blaze a new path to success for yourself, using what you learn from others as guidelines, not rules.”

Trust your gut. You know more than you think you do, and you’re doing better than you think you are. Because we often feel like we’re “failing” at whatever we’re doing—being an adult, keeping up with “normal people”, etc.—we often misjudge how much we’ve learned about how we operate and seek advice or guidance from other voices we see as more successful or certain—someone we think has their ducks in a row.

The thing is, there are a lot of people out there giving advice that simply won’t work for you because of how your brain works. The answer may not be to try some new productivity or success hack (though you can sometimes stumble on a gem that really clicks with you). It may be to remember all the times you’ve managed to succeed before, and use the process you used then. Allow your innate creativity and pattern-matching ability to blaze a new path to success for yourself, using what you learn from others as guidelines, not rules.

No skills or knowledge you gain are ever wasted. When you find something new that you’re interested in, you dive deep. Then, when your hyperfixation has run its course, you emerge like a groundhog in spring, starving and blinking in the sunlight, wondering how you can clean up the wreck your life slid into while you were learning how to construct a full-scale catapult, recreating an authentic Regency outfit, figuring out how the water got on Mars, or learning about the migrating habits of Emperor penguins.

Or maybe you’ve tried quite a few different jobs and careers, but you haven’t found the one that keeps you interested and excited about getting out of bed in the morning.

It can be tempting to feel like each shift in interest or position is another failure in your sordid history… but it doesn’t have to be. Yeah, maybe there are a few things you could do to manage your life better while you’re learning everything there is to know about ancient Greece, but also? You never know when that information will come in handy. Plus, you’re learning how to learn, and parse new ideas. No wonder you’re so creative.

And you’ll probably have a real shot on Jeopardy. Or in a career as an author…

You’re going to be okay.

You really are a special snowflake—but there are tons of people like you. So learn from them. I’m lucky that I stumbled into a career with a lot of people who struggle with the things I struggle with (whether they’ve been diagnosed with ADHD or not), and most of them are quite willing to share what has or hasn’t worked for them. Also, since ADHD is highly heritable, I suspect many people in my rather large extended family also deal with it, undiagnosed, and I’ve learned by example how to handle it (or how not t0).

Maybe you have, too. Or maybe you feel alone in a sea of people who really don’t “get” you. If that’s true (and even if it’s not), seek out your own sources of community and support. Online groups, podcasts, YouTube videos, therapy… there are people who understand you and what you’re going through, because we’ve been there. And, if you ask, most of us would love to help you struggle less than we did. So find us and learn from us.

You don’t have to do this alone. One of the struggles of having executive disfunction is experiencing even more resistance than the average hibernating bear to wake up and get started on things. Once we start, we’re usually okay (unless the activity is completely uninteresting to us), but getting started can be like trying to push a boulder uphill. However, much like pushing a boulder in any direction is easier with two or more people, so is getting us over that initial hump of Resistance. So use this knowledge intentionally to help you—recruit study or co-writing or workout buddies, and find ways to create accountability for yourself with other people. Not only will it be easier to get started, it will be easier to keep going—and this can make a huge difference in how far you get.

You don’t need to let labels define you—but you can use the knowledge they give to empower you. I’ve had a lot of identities throughout my life, including a few I’d take back, if I could. Though I haven’t officially received an ADHD diagnosis yet, I have no doubt about what the outcome of the assessment will be—and, as I mentioned a month ago, the understanding and acceptance of this has been life-changing. It’s a label that’s helped me make sense of myself, my kids, and a few other people I know.

But it isn’t all I am.

Just like I’m not only a mom, wife, author, editor, copywriter, musician, artist, scrapbooker, seamstress, knitter, knitwear designer, Christian, pet and plant mom, worship leader, composer, graphic designer, booklover, piano teacher, saddle pad retailer, website designer, photographer, or any of the myriad of other labels and skills I’ve collected on purpose—some now out of commission, many of them still something I do or am, and all of them part of me in some way. (By the way, if you’ve ever seen yourself in the term multipotentialite—you might have ADHD.)

Nor am I only a child loss survivor, a trauma survivor, an adult child of divorce, a white, middle-class Albertan cis-woman with one sibling and more extended family members than I can shake a stick at, or any of the other labels I didn’t choose for myself.

I’ve heard people say they don’t want to get a mental health diagnosis for themselves or their child because they don’t want the label to become a crutch. Well, sadly, if someone needs a crutch, it means they have parts that aren’t working properly—and no amount of not labelling a broken leg is going to help bones heal so someone can function in a society not built for them. But, give them a proper diagnosis and tools to support their healing and functioning, and suddenly, the world becomes manageable. More than manageable—they may be empowered to conquer much more than their diagnosis or injury would have otherwise allowed.

“No amount of not labelling a broken leg is going to help bones heal so someone can function in a society not built for them. But, give them a proper diagnosis and tools to support their healing and functioning, and suddenly, the world becomes manageable. More than manageable—they may be empowered to conquer much more than their diagnosis or injury would have otherwise allowed.”

You don’t need to be afraid of the label. It will only become your excuse and the defining part of your identity if you allow it to be. Or it could be the information you need to finally overcome what’s been holding you back, letting you access support and tools to move beyond the label and do what you’ve been longing to do all along—whatever that may be.

Have I missed any? What would you add to my list? Let me know in the comments.

Thank you so much for reading!

*Yes, I’m still “off” social media, but in an “I don’t spend time there” sort of way, not in an “I deleted all my accounts” sort of way. When my husband sends me a post, I go look at it… eventually. :-)

**I am by no means diminishing the “it will suck” part about having an executive functioning disorder. I’m also fully aware that everyone struggles with ADHD differently and to varying degrees. My point is, it doesn’t only suck, or it doesn’t have to. There are things about having extra struggles that help us develop abilities others don’t ever have to—and it can be easy to forget that this, in itself, is an advantage.

Did you know you can subscribe to this blog? I also have a bi-weekly newsletter. And some pretty fun books. Thanks for being here!

The Good, the Bad, and the Wicked

Or “When Wicked is Good”

“Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?”

— Glinda, the Good Witch of the East, from the musical Wicked by Stephen Schwartz

“If she had seen the shoes first, the Witch would never have been able to listen to the girl or her friends. But the girl’s legs had been tucked beneath her skirt. Now the Witch was reminded of her need. The shoes should be hers!—hadn’t she endured enough, hadn’t she earned them? The Witch would fall on the girl from the sky, and wrestle those shoes off her impertinent feet, if only she could.”*

You may already be aware of my deep and abiding love of musical theatre. And of all the musicals I’ve heard and seen (which is a lot), Wicked is one of my absolute favourites.

Now, I could gush on and on about the clever lyrics, the amazing melodies, the brilliance of Stephen Schwartz (the composer and lyricist, thus responsible for both) and the heart-wrenching, dazzling plot, and, um, well, I do. At least about the plot (a little later on).

First, though, I want to talk about the evolution of this story, and how each iteration (whether good, bad, or Wicked—sorry, I had to) has made the land of Oz richer, deeper, and has wedged it even further into the psyche of our modern culture and elevated its timelessness.

In other words, each iteration has been the story its audience needed. And maybe even the one it deserved.

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!”

The history of the Wicked Witch of the West begins in the 1900 novel by L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. (You thought it was about Dorothy, didn't you?)

Two years later, the book was made into a successful Broadway musical. Since then, it has been adapted over and over again with varying success, followed by dozens of sequels (thirteen written by Baum and, after his death, another twenty-one written by Ruth Plumly Thompson), and has been an entrenched presence in popular culture in the West for over a century, especially after the runaway success of the 1939 film starring Judy Garland.

It was basically the Harry Potter series of its time, right down to the resistance from Fundamentalist Christians. You can read about the whole fascinating and expanding history of the original story and subsequent versions on Wikipedia.

About a decade ago, I was looking for some new, modern, popular musicals to study as my co-writer and I worked on our own musical stage production. Having loved the stories of Oz since I was a kid, I was thrilled to find that a musical had been written about the Wicked Witch, so I ordered the soundtrack for Wicked from Amazon.

I fell in love. After a while, I had to know how those songs were connected together—what was I missing in narrative between what the music didn’t convey? Thank goodness, Wikipedia came to my rescue. And I fell in love with this story even more.

I mean, what’s not to love about turning the traditional tropey idea of the evil green witch, archenemy of all that is good, on its head, having her become college roommates with Glinda the Good and turn them into unlikely best friends?

Since I live very far from New York and have yet to fulfill my dream of going there to see all the shows, I still have not seen this musical performed. (I’m very excited about the movie version slated for 2021!)** But several years ago, I read the novel on which the musical is based—Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire.

Sadly, I loved it, ahem, less. At the time, anyway. Because of the musical, I expected something different in the novel than what it was.

(Note: The next three paragraphs contain minor spoilers about both the book and the musical, but primarily the musical. It’s an overview, though, and I tried to include only enough for you to understand my point. You should still see it! Or listen to it! Or read it! This is like a trailer. Sort of.)

The story in the musical fills out the backstory of all the characters in the original Wizard of Oz that aren’t Dorothy, weaving a tale of two young women from very different backgrounds who are thrown together by circumstance in college. Popular Galinda (as she was known then) takes on the socially awkward and weird Elphaba (whom Maguire named after her original creator, creating her name from the initials of L. Frank Baum) as a charity social project.

Galinda seems destined for a life of influence and popularity with all of her dreams naturally falling into place, whereas Elphaba—who was rejected by her own father—has always striven for social acceptance in a world that has cast her out. (She is green, can’t touch water, and has magic of a sort that isn’t common in Oz). She dreams of one day meeting the Wizard, whom she sees as the one person in Oz who (being a man of magic himself) might accept her as she is. Unfortunately, when she finally does meet him, he turns out to be not only a fraud but the person at the root of some troubling social problems in the country, which changes everything for Elphaba.

We see these two women’s lives—one who values her reputation more than her honour, and the other who can’t ignore a wrong no matter what it may cost her—entangle with characters who eventually become the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodsman, and the Scarecrow. We see why Elphaba’s crippled sister needed enchanted shoes. And we see how every attempt Elphaba makes to do good only ends up creating more problems for herself and those around her, and seems to do little to sway popular opinion from the despot she is striving to overturn. In the end, we see how Elphaba and Glinda’s friendship has changed them both for the better, despite their very different viewpoints.

The musical is a family-friendly production with some more mature themes than the original story had, but still overall something that makes you cry good tears and think about the value of friendship and giving others the benefit of the doubt because we don't know the hard road they’ve walked.

The book is much darker and more sprawling, which is unsurprising—in a musical, you don’t have time to convey the complexity of a book, even less than a movie would allow. However, it was precisely those elements that the musical’s adapters worked hard to knit tightly together that made me love their version of the story so much.

The book is enjoyable and well-written, but I would say that Maguire aimed it at adults. It focuses much less on the relationship between Elphaba and Glinda (and Fiyero, a love interest for both girls) and more on how Elphaba’s eventual fall from grace was more complete and intentional and less public perception, based on the repeated and multitudinous disasters of her life.

What holds true in both versions is that Elphaba was a woman who was trying to do good but who continually got it wrong, until the wickedness of her reputation and circumstances finally overcame her.

As an exploration of what could turn someone into the cackling green hag who seems hell-bent on destroying a young girl for a pair of shoes, it is brilliant. But when I was finished, I missed the more touching elements that make the stage musical truly special.

If you’ve never read the book, I do recommend it. (I gave it 4/5 on Goodreads.)

And here’s where I bring this back around to my point.

Batman, Elphaba, adaptations, and the Dark Hero

This might just be my perception, but I am not sure any one franchise has been adapted into movies more often than Batman. I have been completely ambivalent about most versions, but the Christian Bale reboot had some great moments.

One was when, at the end of the second movie (The Dark Knight), Police Commissioner Gordon says of Batman, “He’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector.”

This quote also applies to Elphaba, the woman who fought a silent, unappreciated war against the conman destroying a naïve and accepting country.

And, in a strange way (you’ll have to bear with me for a minute here), it can also apply to any given adaptation of any film or movie, ever.

Adaptations are usually updated to reflect the values of the era in which they were created. They can be done well. They can be done poorly. They can take a story we love and twist it into a deformed mess, or they can elevate it even more into something that will shine through the ages, a cultural classic in its own right.

But whether an adaptation is done poorly or well, it often sends us hunting for the original, the author’s own words, to see how true the adaptation remained to the author’s intent. In so doing, the world of the original story is expanded and immortalized, either by exploring that intention deeper to contrast with a failed representation, or by lauding the way the adaptation has done so.

In the end, I think that no matter the result of the adaptation, each iteration of a story should be judged on its own merit. For it is through this land of story that we humans connect most easily. And stories bringing humans together is a good thing.

As for The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West? I think it’s time I read it again, with a more open mind. That’s the reading it deserves, after all.

“She would emerge. She always had before. The punishing political climate of Oz had beat her down, dried her up, tossed her away—like a seedling she had drifted, apparently too desiccated ever to take root. But surely the curse was on the land of Oz, not on her. Though Oz had given her a twisted life, hadn’t it also made her capable?”*

*Maguire, Gregory. Wicked: Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (Wicked Years Book 1) (p. 6). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

** 2025 addendum: They missed that deadline by a few years, but it’s here at last. From the reviews I’ve heard, it was worth the wait. I’m so excited to see it!

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

— Elphaba and Glinda, Wicked by Stephen Schwartz

What do you think of Wicked, the Wizard of Oz movie or books, or this post in general? Have you seen the movie? What did you think? Let me know in the comments below!

This post was originally published in the Books & Inspiration Newsletter on 2019-07-11.

Want to show your support? Join my community or buy me a coffee. You can also subscribe to this blog or buy one of my books.

Coming to Life Again

It’s almost four years to the day since my life crashed.

I hid in my bathroom, smothered with anxiety, trying to ugly cry as quietly as possible so as not to worry my boys (who were doing schoolwork on the kitchen table, thanks to COVID), and dialed my husband. When he picked up, I sobbed, “I think I’m losing my mind.”

I didn’t mean it figuratively. I didn’t know what it felt like to go insane, but I thought I might be starting. My grip on my life, and my ability to cope with reality, had all but disappeared.

Despite the timing, the stresses of the pandemic were only incidental to this breakdown. Yes, they may have indirectly exacerbated the issue, but they weren’t what sent me over the tipping point. My business had just had the most financially lucrative year in my life—it was actually profitable—but I had been going non-stop in order to make that happen. To the tune of sixty- to eighty-hour work weeks. The burnout was hardcore. (The arts are hard, y’all.)

But burnout doesn’t just happen. It’s the result of a collection of choices that create a system lacking any resilience to things going wrong. And, yes, the pandemic definitely counted as “things going wrong,” but it was part of a bundle, not the final straw.

The roots of the problem were physiological (thank you, perimenopause), A-type personality-related (thank you, trauma), and—this just in—a result of the breakdown of my lifelong coping strategies to handle undiagnosed severe ADHD. (More about that shortly.) All of this created a perfect storm that led to that fateful day where I was sobbing all over my phone.

And I knew that not only did things need to change—I actually had no choice. My overburdened life system had crashed into shards around me. I could either try to continue on until they’d been ground irreparably into sand (though I don’t think I could have)… or start figuring out how to piece them back together.

I’d had a great fall, and I didn’t even know if all the king’s horses and men could put me back together again.

The Road Back to Me

The last four years have been a hard trek through exhaustion, health issues, and a complete resetting of everything I thought to be true about myself—plus some more trauma thrown in for good measure.

But they’ve also been a period of growth and becoming self-aware in ways I’ve never experienced before.

I’ve become more aware of my own blind spots, and how I’ve let my traumas hold me back in both my personal and professional life. I’ve become more aware of what matters to me. I’ve learned how to set boundaries for myself around work, how I let others treat me, and how I treat myself.

“People don’t change until they’re forced to. That episode in the bathroom was a wake-up call, and one I sorely needed.”

I wish I hadn’t had to crash and burn to start this journey of rebuilding. But if there’s one thing I know as an author, it’s that people don’t change until they’re forced to. That episode in the bathroom was a wake-up call, and one I sorely needed.

And the personal journey that Black Moment started me on has been fruitful.

I’ve learned what drives me and how to lean into my strengths while minimizing the damage my weaknesses cause to myself and others. (This is an ongoing effort, believe me, and I still fail pretty often.) I’ve been able to work through and heal from some of the trauma that shaped me. Unhealthy relationships are finding new, more balanced footing.

And then in late 2024, I discovered that I have pretty severe ADHD, combined type. I’d been doing research because we suspected our second son had it. (He just got his diagnosis last week. Our suspicions were right.) And we also think another one of our kids has it. (It’s highly heritable, apparently, which is what prompted Jason and I to question if one or both of us have it. Just me, as far as we can tell.)

That epiphany only happened in November-ish, and I’ve been processing all the ways ADHD has shown up in my life ever since. (Spoiler: It’s literally shaped everything I am or do. And until a few months ago, I knew almost nothing about it.) I haven’t yet gone for an official diagnosis, but even unofficially, this awareness has been lifechanging, in a good way.

On the health front, I’ve been working closely with a naturopath to help me navigate the symptoms of perimenopause. I’ve eliminated several foods from my diet—namely gluten and dairy—that seemed bent on destroying me. (I miss cheese and bread, but not more than I enjoy having clarity of thought, energy, and pain-free days.)

This year, I was able to renew a walking habit that had disappeared into the manic activity of young motherhood nearly twenty years ago. And since starting Hormone Replacement Therapy a couple months ago, my emotions have started to stabilize for the first time in almost five years.

While I’d seen improvements in many areas due to these lifestyle changes, my iron was still perpetually low and continued to fall, despite having supplemented since January 2021. So, this past Monday, I had an iron infusion.

I had been nervous about doing this, as there are risks associated with having iron infusions. However, my infusion went off without a hitch. And, even though the nurse said I probably wouldn’t notice the effect for seven to ten days, it only took three for me to start to feel the heavy blanket of exhaustion start to thin. I’ve had incrementally less brain fog and more energy since Thursday. I can’t wait to see how I feel a week from now.

Watch out, world. I will be unstoppable!

Courtesy of Hillie Chan via Unsplash.

The Same, but Different

With my returning energy, I’ve been pondering what I could do with it and how I want to show up in the world now that getting through every day isn’t such a slog on its own. I want to ensure that the lessons of the past few years stay with me.

I’m still fairly restricted in what I can accomplish—both by simply being a human bound by time (an awareness I’ve always struggled with, which is an ADHD thing, apparently) and by the continuing limitations of my body (I’m feeling better, but I’ll never be in my twenties or thirties again).

But, if I’m not careful, it would be far too easy to push myself back into burnout, either through distraction from my own needs or because I’m trying to “catch up” on all the ground I feel I lost in the last few years in my career and in my life.

Honestly, it’s a miracle that I got any writing done at all. Somehow, I managed to do quite a lot, despite my health issues. (This is something I don’t often reflect on or acknowledge, so allow me this moment of self-congratulatory praise.)

My 2025 Intentions

Some of my greatest growth in the past few years has been because of discovering the personal growth tool of the enneagram. This tool can be a little hard on a person when they’re first introduced, especially for specific personality types.

I think Threes like me tend to have a hard time, because our blind spot is self-deceit or vanity. In other words, we literally spend our lives trying to manage the image of ourselves that we show not only others, but ourselves, and the enneagram strips that charade away. Other people may have seen beneath our presentation all along, but the enneagram finally allows us to see ourselves the way others do. And that drills right into the shame that inspired this coping mechanism in the first place.

For me, learning about myself via the enneagram began a journey towards authenticity like I’ve never experienced before… and I was authentically tired from my health crises, but also from dealing with so much shame and guilt and sorrow as I processed everything.

One of the hard parts has been “failing” in my business, over and over again. I won’t go into specifics, but it’s just logical that someone who has suddenly experienced a drastic loss of energy and vitality can no longer accomplish the same things they could before.

For me, I wanted to help others more and be a bigger blessing to you, dear reader, but I had to spend so much time focused on my own healing that all I could do was scrape by.

But now, stepping into 2025 and (hopefully) a new lease on life, I’m armed with tools I never had before. But honestly, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to use them. I’ve decided to try a few things for a while to see how they feel and fit with this new skin I’m growing.

And I’m sharing these plans here because, well, blogging more regularly is one of the things I plan to try.

Intention 1: More Writing, Less Social Media

I’ve always preferred long-form writing and reading. But when my systems shattered, so did my focus—aided and abetted by social media.

And as an enneagram Three, who has a particular susceptibility to the voices and opinions of others, my growing social media addiction (and the loud, angry voices that often populate those platforms, especially in the last few years) caused me to retreat further. Speaking up and using my voice seemed too costly energetically, but my social media usage had another, more insidious cost that took me a long time to recognize—being able to think clearly about what I believed to be true.

So, a week ago, I decided to take a break.

I started with Facebook, the platform that’s caused me the most distress. I’ve been enjoying it less and less, thanks to the increasing number of ads and the way the algorithm has changed over time, but I had a firmly entrenched habit of checking it way more times in a day than I even want to think about—to the point that I wasn’t sure my “break” would last a day.

But it did. I didn’t log on until last night, a week later, to intentionally see if I’d missed anything I would have valued seeing earlier.

I didn’t.

So, Facebook is out. And I’ve barely checked Instagram either. And I haven’t missed them.

It’s been a slow decline to get to this point. I’ve barely used social media as a creator for the last several years—and the few concerted efforts I made to experiment with its value as an organic marketing method reinforced my belief that it wasn’t worth my time. However, over the past year, the platforms I used most as a consumer (Facebook and Instagram) have also become less and less pleasant for me. Over the past month, I realized that I would like to break the addiction and find more life-giving ways to connect with my readers, friends, and peers.

Will I eliminate social media from my life completely? I don’t know. Not yet. But even though it’s only been a week, I’m already feeling more centred, my focus is coming back, and my ideas are starting to flow again.

Yes, this coincides with the iron IV and the beginning of a new year following a long break, but I would say these factors are multipliers of good things working together, not something that could be attributed to any of these benefits in isolation.

In a case of divine timing, a few days ago, I listened to the most recent episode of the Wish I’d Known Then.. for Writers podcast, in which they interviewed the creators of the amazing podcast (and community) Writing Off Social. Since then, I have literally binged about fifteen hours of the podcast. It’s reminded me of a ton of things I knew (once upon a time before social media existed) about more sustainable and enjoyable ways of being present online. They got my juices flowing about ways I can still build my platform and connect with readers without using social media at all.

And last night, it occurred to me that most of my real-life friends and family hardly use social media anymore, anyway.

So do I miss it? Not really. And I’m excited about exploring ways to develop community in other, more fulfilling ways.

That’s why my first intention for the year is to focus on creating content for my own readers through channels I control.

In practice, I intend to create one piece of content for my website per week (either here on this blog or on the Fireside Lounge blog in my Books and Tea League reader community). I’ll also continue to write my bi-weekly Books and Inspiration Newsletter, but to make it better.

Miraculously, I somehow managed to develop and maintain a bi-weekly publishing schedule for the B&I newsletter over the past few years, and I never missed sending it out—but for the past year, my creativity with it was gone. I was spinning my wheels. It’s time to re-infuse it with the type of content my readers look forward to have landing in their inboxes.

I’m rusty, I can tell. If you’ve read this far, thanks for sticking around through my rambling post above. But I want to get back in the habit of thinking in long-form posts—to take the time to explore topics deeply and create meaningful content that my readers will enjoy. And by publishing on my blog instead of social media, my readers can also find it again and again, if necessary.

I’m putting a boundary around my focus and attention… and I’m excited to see where this choice takes me.

Will I force myself to write new content every week? No. I take a quarterly break, for one thing, and those will be weeks off. And there will be weeks when my health or schedule don’t allow it, and I won’t publish at the sacrifice of my health. But I’m making this intention a priority.

And secretly, I would love to look back at this year and say, “You know what? I managed to stick to my publishing goals.”

Intention 2: Produce More Fiction (and Knitting Patterns)

When you’re in the midst of chronic fatigue and health setbacks, everything is harder, including being creative. This has made producing new work a challenge.

As long as my health allows, I hope to produce one to two chapters a week.

I’ve got two fiction projects I’ll be working on this year, but though I’m developing them simultaneously, the writing likely won’t be produced in equal measure on both projects. (My brain doesn’t really work that way.)

However, once I start drafting (hopefully in the next week), I’ll be publishing early access chapters of whatever I’m working on at the moment in the Books and Tea League.

My admittedly lofty goal is to write and finish the next book in the Peace Country Romance series this year (to be published later this year or possibly January 2026), and to finish the first draft of Book 3 in the Rise of the Grigori series by the end of the year too.

I also hope to publish or republish several knitting patterns over at My Secret Wish Knitting.

This is ambitious, and may only be possible in a best-case scenario, which life so seldom gives us. But I’m going to shoot for this. And if I miss?

I’ll have come closer than if I hadn’t ever tried. And that’s enough.

Word of the Year

For the last several years, I’ve employed the practice of choosing a word or phrase of the year to help guide my decisions and intentions. I put it on a little marquis sign I keep on a shelf above my desk, where I see it every day.

Last year, my phrase was Choose Wisely. This served me well, and I definitely feel like it helped keep me more focused on things that would serve me better. But, in the depths of my exhaustion pre-IV, I’d been struggling to find the phrase for this year.

I thought about using the same one. Then I thought I would use two words, Simplify and Focus, which I even put on the marquis, but these weren’t sitting quite right.

Then, this morning, my word came to me: life-giving.

That’s how I want my business to feel, and that’s what I want my work to do for others.

Courtesy of Andre Taissin via Unsplash.

“This morning, my word came to me: life-giving. That’s how I want my business to feel, and that’s what I want my work to do for others.”

It reminds of this verse from the gospel of John:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
(John 10:10 ESV)

For too long, the thief has had his way with my life and my business. He’s stolen my health, he’s stolen my hope, and he’s stolen my voice.

This year, I am leaning into the life that Jesus brought to us. I’m choosing hope. I’m seeking out joy.

I want to lean into the purpose God has for me without pushing myself so hard that I end up sobbing in the bathroom while my life crumbles around me.

He’s promised His way is life-giving. And I’m determined to sift through the noise to see what that looks like for me.

I’m excited to see what this next year brings. I hope you’ll join me on this adventure.

End Note

Do you like the idea of breaking your dependency on social media, but you’re not sure where to start? I encourage you to check out the Writing Off Social podcast and their 7-day Challenge.

The key is to think about all the things social media does for you and think of how to fill those gaps in other ways.

For me, I’m looking at a few different options, and I’ll be sharing about them in upcoming posts as I explore them further. If you want to follow along on my adventures, you can subscribe to my blog to get an email notification about new posts, or you could subscribe to my feed through a blogging app like Feedly.

What are your intentions for the year, friend? How do you hope to move forward in this fresh new year we’ve been granted, so your future self thanks you for your efforts? Let me know in the comments!

Sowing New Creative Seeds

My projects are all in a weird state of liminality.

For Every Bell that Rings, even though I published it through my direct store two weeks ago and some of my fans have bought it, it doesn’t come out on retailers until next Tuesday. And that’s when the proverbial “proof in the pudding” becomes apparent.

Despite the fact that I launched a Christmas book in October, when absolutely no one wants to have Christmas anything advertised to them, there are some pre-orders coming in, which I’m glad for. And there’s a lot going on in the world right now—not least of which, the US Presidential election, which is also being held on my retailer release day of November 5. (Do I know how to pick my dates, or what?)

Anyway, I’m already doing all I can do to get the word out, so behind the scenes, I’ve been moving full steam ahead on other projects.

Last week, I finished and released a new sock knitting pattern on my other website. (Check out the Adventure Socks, if you like that sort of thing.)

This week, I’m diving into some client projects, and I’ve been trying to nurture my creativity when working on my own projects. What I mean by that is, I’m trying to keep the fun and play in my creative work.

That may sound like an odd thing, but as a lifelong creative entrepreneur, I’ve spent my life in a perpetual cycle of taking things I love to do and turning them into businesses. And when you do that, it’s very easy for that creative activity you love to become a chore, not a joy.

I usually love my work, even when it’s hard. But through the last few years of trauma recovery and healing and perimenopause, I’ve often done creative work despite how uninspired and exhausted I feel, not because it’s a thing that fills me up.

I’m in a good place right now. Not least of which from finishing two whole projects in less than a month, but also because there have been some significant moments of healing for me recently. I would like to keep the upward trajectory. So, being mindful of how much finishing things gives me joy, I’ve been thinking of ways to change up how I do things.

My cute office buddies definitely help in the mental health department. Korra on the left, Aang on the right.

Is it weird to say that I’ve been anticipating and dreading my upcoming Rise of the Grigori book in equal measure? I mean, I’m super excited to be diving back into this world—writing about mermaids, dragons, magic, good vs. evil, adventures, and epic stakes is one of my favourite things, ever. I also love the massive amount of research this series requires, because I adore learning.

(Seriously, it’s a problem sometimes. This week, I spent several hours learning how to make clay, ceramic, and gum paste flowers as research for my next Peace Country Romance book, Every Rose that Blooms, which was a planned and justified learning session. But yesterday, I also spent several hours learning all about Machu Picchu—just because it happened to be the lock screen photo when I got to my desk, and I was suddenly curious about it. I definitely had other things on my list to do.)

BUT, what’s filling me with dread is knowing that, more than likely, it will be two years before that book is published. One, if everything goes perfectly, which it never does, so two. It just takes a long time to write eight hundred pages.

That means that, if this is the only project I’m working on, it will be another long time before I get that thrill of finishing and publishing a book.

So, here’s what I’m going to try, both to keep my creativity fresh and to allow me to publish a little more regularly:

Move my own creative projects forward five days per week. For the past few years, I would usually plan to work on producing my creative work only a few mornings per week. The rest of my time is spent on client work and doing admin and marketing work for my business. I want to make my own creative projects a priority every weekday morning. Even if I only spend ten minutes on them because of other deadlines, I want to keep them moving forward.

Mix up the projects I’m working on more regularly. Instead of feeling like every day has to be about doing the same thing, whether I’m ready to move forward or not (because sometimes, the hardest work on a book like the Grigori books is thinking and ruminating), I’m giving myself permission to rotate through different projects any given week or month, depending on how much thinking time I need. I’ll have two main writing projects to work on (Every Rose that Blooms and Rise of the Grigori Book 3), plus I’ll occasionally work on a knitting pattern. And, just for fun, I’ll throw in some art or even short fiction once every week or two to give my brain a break on those other things and do something totally different to keep my creativity fresh.

It’s that last idea that I think is going to make the most difference—to allow myself to dabble in other things intentionally, instead of my brain always doing it as some sort of rebellion when I’m feeling stressed out or overwhelmed.

Actually, I have done a bit of that for the past year already (and it has made a difference). I post the fruits of those efforts in the Books and Tea League—for free. In the Fireside Lounge, you can get access to fun art projects I’ve played with, and you can find short fiction I’ve written in Story Bites.

Speaking of the Books and Tea League, earlier this week I posted a bonus that was a little different—a little “podcast episode” discussing the Rise of the Grigori series. I was playing with a new AI tool for writers to help organize your notes and work (basically a story bible you can query about your own work), and one of the tool’s features is to create a podcast-like discussion of the sources you give it in order to aid understanding and retention for the user. (It’s often easier to remember something you hear in conversation than just read on a page.)

The end result of that initial experiment was so fun that I posted the eleven-minute episode in the Fireside Lounge. If you want to listen to it, go here:

Listen to episode

That’s it for this week’s ramblings, my friend. Please remember to order or pre-order Every Bell that Rings (or, if you’re local to me, come to the Peace River Farmer’s Market tomorrow to get your copy).

And I would love to know which book I’m working on that you’re most excited to read: the next book in the Peace Country Romance series, or the next Rise of the Grigori story?

(By the way, both of these ongoing projects will be available as early access serials in the Books and Tea League once I get past the planning stages and into drafting. Just sayin’.)

Happy Friday! May you have a fantastic weekend!

We Contain Multitudes

By Ray Hennessy, courtesy of Unsplash.

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

— Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

One of the benefits of living in our modern world is the ease with which we can communicate with anyone, anywhere, instantly. When I was twenty, I spent five months in India—pre-email, pre-Internet being a thing, letters home took weeks to arrive and longer to be replied to, and phone calls home were $1.50 per minute.

I actually heard about email for the first time while there, and it blew me away. I now maintain friendships with people around the world, and we can exchange messages instantly at any time.

But one of the curses of living in our modern world is being exposed to everything that's happening in it, everywhere, all at once.

It's a weird rollercoaster, scrolling through a social media feed and being exposed to an engagement announcement, a funny sketch about parenting, a plea for help for a war-torn country, and a post about someone grieving a close family member in quick succession. The next post might be about a cool new book... or it might be someone marking themselves safe from yet another terrifying natural event. And that's not even counting the news, billboards, online ads, emails, or the landslide of other bids for our attention and emotions at any given moment.

On any given day (or hour!), our capacity to handle this unnatural firehose of information fluctuates too. That's why we can be deeply grateful for our blessings while also struggling with the irrational anxiety brought on by fluctuating hormones or stacked traumas. Or experience a moment of joy while reeling from a depth of grief we never thought possible. Or believe God is guiding me while weeping at how hard this life can be.

This balance, this giddy dance of the human experience, is what gives each day its own challenges and pleasures.

That being said, it's good and healthy to know when you need to withdraw, pull back, and heal for the sake of your spirit, mind, and soul.

Winter is often a time of hidden healing in preparation for spring's renewal. I feel it closing in around me, the desire to hunker in and hibernate like a warm hug pulling me close, even as I mourn the loss of colour and warmth and bounty outside my window.

But the landscape, like my spirit, is also resting and healing. So when the time for growth comes once again, it will spring forth in an explosion of life and diversity and colour, full of its own contradictions, beauties, and heartbreaks.

So the cycle continues. For all of creation is part of this wild and wonderful kaleidoscope journey. We contain multitudes.

Originally published in the Books & Inspiration Newsletter , 2024-10-29.

Rattling Around In My Head

People keep asking me how it’s going with my newly acquired “empty nest.”

Honestly, it’s… just what it is. I think I did most of my grieving for the change in advance. Not to mention, in the three-and-a-half weeks Jason and I have had as new empty nesters, I’ve spent over a week of that quite ill with the cold from heck, and then several more weeks desperately behind and trying to catch up. And, quite besides the virus that got me down, perimenopause continues to thrill with new and delightful ways to make my life difficult.

So… I haven’t much had time to think about my empty nest, to be honest.

Jabin came home for Thanksgiving last weekend, which was nice. We get to talk to all three of the boys almost every weekend. It’s about as much involvement as we could hope for in our adult sons’ lives at this point. And we have plenty to keep us busy, even though it’s just the two of us here now.

Speaking of perimenopause, I want to share a story about how amazing my husband is.

Recent developments with my physical health have actually taken quite a toll on my mental health. Jason is pretty great about touching base with me during the day (most days). Since Monday was a holiday, this week, he texted on Tuesday in the late morning, as he is wont to do, to say good morning and see how I was doing.

As it turns out, I was doing… not great. It was a particularly low mental health day, with a high work load. It was my book launch day for Every Bell that Rings, but I wasn’t really ready for it and had a lot to do. And my energy and emotional reserves were already low when I got out of bed. Because perimenopause.

But I don’t want to bring anyone down, and especially my husband when he’s at work and can do nothing about how I happen to be feeling that day. So, as is my wont, I sent him back a string of GIFs that humorously and melodramatically did what I would have probably done verbally if he’d asked me in person—be a bit dramatic about how I wasn’t doing great while making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal and I was handling it just fine.

An hour later, he walked in the door. He’d driven home on his lunch break, just to give me a hug.

Needless to say, the emotions I’d been barely managing to hold together kind of fell apart. But only because my amazing husband made it safe for me to do so.

Real love is real…

The actual events that happen in my novels, and what my heroes do to love my heroines, are almost always completely fictional. But how the guys love the gal isn’t.

It’s easy to write strong, supportive, and encouraging men when that’s who I get to spend my life with.

If you want to lose yourself in a love story like that, please check out my books. And especially my new release, Every Bell that Rings. I’ve now got copies in hand, and I’d love to send one to you.

Happy Friday, my friend. May your weekend be blessed.

P. S. I put up a post in the Books and Tea League today with more quotes and teasers from Every Bell, some free downloadable art, and a poll about which is your favourite and what form you would like to see me turn those quotes and art pieces into. You can read it and have your say here. (You’ll need to create a free account if you haven’t already.)

Let’s Ring some Bells!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here, and not just because we got actual snow a couple of days ago.

We are now less than two weeks away from the October 15 release date of Every Bell that Rings!

Queue cheering and excited squealing.

This book is so much more than a sweet romance. It represents a personal journey I went on over the last couple of years. I wrote the healing I hoped for in my own life into the book, not knowing if it would be possible. I think God honoured that leap of faith, because fiction foreshadowed reality, in this case.

And I know I call these books “sweet and clean romance,” but they’re more like “romantic women’s fiction.” That’s why I’ve recently updated this series tagline to “Sweet and clean romances with big heart and a bit of grit.”

Anyway, let’s get on with telling you about the book, shall we?

About the Book:

Can his Christmas spirit banish her ghosts of Christmas past?

For Stephanie Neufeld, Christmas is more bah-humbug than ho-ho-ho. So when the crush who once ghosted her makes it his mission for his attending nurse to fall in love with the holiday, Steph couldn’t be more annoyed. But while Noel Butler’s strength, generosity, and selflessness slowly melt her reservations, she yearns to unwrap the secrets in his fiercely guarded heart. Will old fears keep Noel and Stephanie frozen in the past, or can they discover a warm new reason to celebrate the season?

Fans of Debbie Macomber and RaeAnne Thayne will love Every Bell that Rings, the second standalone title in the sweet and clean Peace Country Romance Series. If you like second chances, small towns, big heart, and a bit of grit along with your joy-filled white Christmases, grab a cup of cocoa and cozy up with this wholesome love story.

Pre-Order Now Excerpt:

"Was it something I said?"

Steph spun to face him, her eyes shooting daggers. “Something you said. Something you did. It’s your whole exasperating self.”

Noel blinked at her. “What are you talking about?”

She gaped. “The Christmas party. You know, the one where we talked and danced all night, and . . . did a little more.” She looked sideways at the floor, her face flushing.

Noel frowned. “Yeah, I had a great time that night. I thought you did too. So why are you mad at me now?”

Her gaze snapped to his. “Seriously?”

He shook his head, at a loss.

She crossed her arms, glaring at him. “Because, in my world, a night that special is the beginning of something. Some might even call it a date, no matter how unplanned it was. But since I haven’t heard from you since, apparently it meant nothing to you. And now it’s just one more horrible Christmas memory I get to treasure.”

What makes this book special:

As I wrote Every Bell that Rings, I poured my heart into crafting a story that would resonate with readers who, like me, adore heartwarming slow-burn romances with a touch of depth. I wanted to explore the complexity of healing from old wounds. I wanted to reflect my deep-seated belief that second chances are always possible.

Stephanie's reluctance to embrace the joy of Christmas is born from past hurts, as is her struggle to trust again after being let down. Noel's journey of redemption, his quiet acts of kindness, and his determination to overcome his past mistakes make him not only a very likeable hero, but they create a character arc that I hope readers find to be both heartwarming and inspiring.

Of course, as with all my books, the themes of family, community, and friendship all play a vital role. Through these intertwined relationships, I wanted to show how healing can happen, both individually and within families, as characters confront their pasts, forgive themselves and others, and learn to open their hearts to love again.

And, for readers who have previously enjoyed All I Want for Christmas and Every Star that Shines, you’ll get to see some familiar, favourite faces on the page.

A lovely reading and listening experience:

I have formatted my own books and made my own contemporary romance covers for many years. Over time, not only has my experience grown, but so have the collection of tools I have access to and my skill in using them.

While formatting this book, I included some features I’ve never used before. Namely:

Chapter header background images to set the mood (eBook and print).

A full-page image representing the mood of the book (print).

You can see colour versions of these artworks inside the Books and Tea League. (You’ll need to create a free account to see the post, if you haven’t already).

I’ve also been working on creating the audiobook using digital narration from ElevenLabs. While this won’t create the same immersive acting experience that a human would produce, the voices sound like a human reading, and the emotion they do include is often surprising.

But this isn’t a simple click-and-play audio generation. Digitally narrated books are often full of artifacts and mispronunciations. The final audiobook will be fully edited and reviewed by a human (me) who cares very much about your listening experience. (I’ll be working on the editing next week.)

A special pre-order offer:

I could use your help.

I’m not going to lie, not publishing a book for over two years hasn’t done my bank account much good. Publishing this book has been a stretch financially, as well as in the more personal ways I hinted at earlier.

It would be a HUGE help to me if you would pre-order this book. Anywhere is great (it releases on other retailers on November 5), but it would be an especial help if you would order it directly through me. Today.

Pre-order the Book

It’s not easy for me to admit that my business account is struggling, but I figured, “If no one knows I need help, no one will know to offer.”

And if you pre-order directly through my store, you’ll also get a FREE SURPRISE GIFT WITH PURCHASE. It’s just a way for me to say an extra “thank you” for supporting me directly.

So, please. If this book is on your radar, and you intend to buy it, I would deeply appreciate it if you would go put in your pre-order right now.

But that’s not all of my news!

Every Star that Shines Print Book Update

While I was creating my pretty new interiors for Every Bell, I decided to update the interiors of Every Star that Shines (Peace Country Romance Book 1) to match. I’ve also tweaked the cover a bit so the general look of the book fits better with Every Bell.

I have a few of the original print versions of this book left in stock, on sale for 20% off.

Or you can get a match-matchy set of these two books when you purchase the updated version along with Every Bell.

Get Every Star that Shines

I’m so excited to be putting this book out into the world at last. I can’t wait for you to read it, and I hope it blesses your socks off (or at least warms your heart in all the best ways).

Thanks for sticking with me, my friend. Here’s hoping the journey is a little smoother from here.

Very Slowly, and then All At Once

“My heart is drumming in my chest so hard it aches, but it’s the good kind of ache, like the feeling you get on the first real day of autumn, when the air is crisp and the leaves are all flaring at the edges and the wind smells just vaguely of smoke - like the end and the beginning of something all at once.”

— Lauren Oliver, Delirium

My oldest son had just turned three when my third son was born. While in some ways, that feels like it was a very short time ago, my crow's feet and grey hairs paint a different picture: that oldest son has been in the army for over a year. We dropped off the youngest in his new dorm room two days ago. And we'll be taking son #2 to his college next week. (They both opted for a year of Bible college—but different ones! Gotta be unique, I guess.)

I always knew that when the "empty nest" stage of life came upon me, it would happen very quickly. But I didn't expect to go from two kids at home to none in the span of two weeks. The reality of it is slowly sinking in, and I find myself already prepping for the next stages, asking myself the important questions: who am I if no children need me? What activities can my husband and I get involved in now that we won't be working around anyone else's schedule but ours? And which bedroom should become my sewing room? 😁

Every Bell that Rings (Peace Country Romance Book 2) is coming soon!

My not-so-little birds aren't the only babies launching from the nest this fall. We are now a little over a month away from the release of Every Bell that Rings (Peace Country Romance Book 2).

I'm still finishing up the audiobook and print formatting (because I'm proofing both at the same time), but the ARC review copies are now available. If you're on my ARC team and didn't see that email, it went out last night, so check your inboxes. If you aren't already on my ARC team and would like to read the book early so you can help launch it into the world with great reviews, you can sign up on this page.

Due to some poor health and the push to get this manuscript through its final stages, I had to take a short break from creating content for the Books and Tea League. I'll get back to my regular schedule soon!

However, there's already plenty of great content available in there. Sign up and unlock epic rewards, such as early access and exclusive extras. I can't wait to welcome you!

Have you read these books?

Autumn is one of my favourite seasons, and I've written four titles set at that time of year, at least in part. These have varying degrees of angst, coziness, and length.

Finding Heaven

Author Sarah Daniels feels trapped in a living hell but thinks she deserves her life—until an enigmatic stranger invites her to choose a different future. But is it too late for Sarah to find heaven? Gritty romantic women's fiction. Check out Finding Heaven.

The Friday Night Date Dress

She sews runway masterpieces… but who will mend her damaged heart? A clean and wholesome inspirational romance. Learn more about The Friday Night Date Dress.

(You can get this book for free in eBook and audiobook when you sign up for my newsletter.)

Every Star that Shines (Peace Country Romance Book 1)

She never gave up on her dreams... he never gave up on her. Fall in love with Caleb & Delanie in the Peace Country with this clean & sweet new romance series! Learn more about Every Star that Shines.

Up in Smoke

An extreme environmentalist science teacher and his estranged daughter try to unravel what's going on at the local clean energy research lab before the entire town goes up in smoke. Fantasy thriller novelette. Learn more about Up in Smoke.

Check them out on my Books page to find your next fall read.

Explore Books

There’s no news on the upcoming projects because I'm fully involved in launching the current project. (And two handsome young men.) More news coming soon, though!

Happy Tuesday, friend!

Which of these books have you read? What are you looking forward to most about Every Bell that Rings? Let me know in the comments!