Joy Leftow's Blog, page 9
December 29, 2016
L’Chaim! Toasting 2017 in...
My words like music, fill your earsMy lips, soft like rose petals touch your lipsWords fill you with sounds I don’t hearRhymes I spout fill your heartLonely, long for love, here, nowToo smart for my own goodIf you only stood where I stand,Maybe you’d understandWhere I’m coming from
Childhood to adulthood in barely an hourLive till we’re dead under powerOf the IRS, government shadows & showers Wonder if or when or can it be betterOur minds, thoughts controlled, fetteredWould a chain letter do, a scarlet letterBE a trend setter or pacesetter
Move forward, be straightforwardHold words close to our heartAs though words are people;They’re not Store words in our hearts Know we can’t go back to yesterdayMust live with what we hear todayWhat we say & hear on sad daysThoughts are transientWords last longerCan’t erase words you’ve spokenWords escape your palate, are tokenLeave me brokenheartedPretend to study a pie chart
Love is strange, Life, a curse, a game played on my shameKick start my life into another movie frameSoothe and feed flamesLove claims my blameMy name, my fame, Life’s games, reclaim my stage & nick name
Disclaim strife – go on with life
Childhood to adulthood in barely an hourLive till we’re dead under powerOf the IRS, government shadows & showers Wonder if or when or can it be betterOur minds, thoughts controlled, fetteredWould a chain letter do, a scarlet letterBE a trend setter or pacesetter
Move forward, be straightforwardHold words close to our heartAs though words are people;They’re not Store words in our hearts Know we can’t go back to yesterdayMust live with what we hear todayWhat we say & hear on sad daysThoughts are transientWords last longerCan’t erase words you’ve spokenWords escape your palate, are tokenLeave me brokenheartedPretend to study a pie chart
Love is strange, Life, a curse, a game played on my shameKick start my life into another movie frameSoothe and feed flamesLove claims my blameMy name, my fame, Life’s games, reclaim my stage & nick name
Disclaim strife – go on with life
December 18, 2016
Amber - written for Amber Atiya in 2008
She melts in your mouth like the hot resin of a ripened treeThe m's roll off your tongue poeticallySometimes you see straight through herA connoisseur of fragile glassShades of golden yellow to fern green to lime or orangeAmber is diffuse, her energy attracts her words interact it’s a fact mellow yellow amber golden mellow tonescolor range from orange peel to bittersweet to tangerinecontrols your senses Releases chemicals into your brainevery woman’s dream
Amber grounds your energiesRules your naval chakrausing golden orange toolsshe draws disease from your woundsCleanses your organs of poisons Revitalizes your organs
The ancient gods burned herThe 3 holy ones revered AmberUsed in all holy and spiritual ritualsHer incense & jewels persistAnd are still renown today… How can you go wrong
if you choose her once she’s chosen you…
© Joy Leftow *This was written for Amber Atiya, in 2008, when she was still using the name Precious Jones. This poem was an attempt to convince her that her birth name, Amber, is beautiful and very valuable!
Amber grounds your energiesRules your naval chakrausing golden orange toolsshe draws disease from your woundsCleanses your organs of poisons Revitalizes your organs
The ancient gods burned herThe 3 holy ones revered AmberUsed in all holy and spiritual ritualsHer incense & jewels persistAnd are still renown today… How can you go wrong
if you choose her once she’s chosen you…
© Joy Leftow *This was written for Amber Atiya, in 2008, when she was still using the name Precious Jones. This poem was an attempt to convince her that her birth name, Amber, is beautiful and very valuable!
December 15, 2016
I’M BRAINWASHED TOO
I follow the newsStupid programs on TVGet further away from where I want to beFurther away from meFrom who I want me to beBut please, please don’t blame meI’m a brainwashed woman Can’t do nothing, nothing withoutMy babyCan’t do nothing withoutMy babies
Brainwashed society All of us, live like robots in historyStand by; let shit happenLike someone in another centuryI’m scared to death,Stop the craziness, go back, life’s a sudden hurricaneAdmit there’s no controlForget this laziness, TV
Resplendent in glory left for none to enjoyAll gone in the bush with a game of trumpWrit in desire of wild fires burningEveryone hurtingWhat would it take to bring a world together?To stop mass slaughters, human + animalWhen will we see, realize what’s to be done
All of us blind, a brainwashed society, a scorching society visionless inside Dead washed Brainwashed, whitewashed, everything washed since infancy Is it possible to escape destiny, fight to survive lose so many, will it count to bring one back?
Dubblex and I figure when you’re in New Orleans; you should cross the Mississippi so we decide to take the ferry back and forth. On our way back, the man driving the ferry came out of his control room and made a beeline right over.
He wore a very large rimmed oiled hat to keep water from splashing in his face. He wore an oiled knee length raincoat along with knee high wading boots. Greeted us like he knew us. “Hey,” he said, “Seeing you guys, reminds me of Boston, where I grew up and my mom would bundle me up.” Pegged us right away; we wondered what’d we done to give it away. Duh?
Without further ado, he continued. “I’ll tell you what the problem is, the world cannot support so many people – because we have decimated our resources. Thus there’s a limited amount to go around. We can’t support this burgeoning humanity that keeps growing. The more limited the resources, the more we fight for them. Everything in our world is a result of what we do, like prolonging life so much that it costs more to live longer, increasing the limited access to resources – so that’s why we have wars and inhumane societies.” He tipped his hat. “Nice meeting you folks.” He turned & walked away with a small wave. “I have to bring her in. Goodbye now! Enjoy the rest of your trip.”
I recall his words …
So strange, surreal, I sit and wonder about this conversation. Does he pick someone every trip and tell him this? I consider and wonder, is this real?
*another true poetry story by Joy Leftow
Brainwashed society All of us, live like robots in historyStand by; let shit happenLike someone in another centuryI’m scared to death,Stop the craziness, go back, life’s a sudden hurricaneAdmit there’s no controlForget this laziness, TV
Resplendent in glory left for none to enjoyAll gone in the bush with a game of trumpWrit in desire of wild fires burningEveryone hurtingWhat would it take to bring a world together?To stop mass slaughters, human + animalWhen will we see, realize what’s to be done
All of us blind, a brainwashed society, a scorching society visionless inside Dead washed Brainwashed, whitewashed, everything washed since infancy Is it possible to escape destiny, fight to survive lose so many, will it count to bring one back?
Dubblex and I figure when you’re in New Orleans; you should cross the Mississippi so we decide to take the ferry back and forth. On our way back, the man driving the ferry came out of his control room and made a beeline right over.
He wore a very large rimmed oiled hat to keep water from splashing in his face. He wore an oiled knee length raincoat along with knee high wading boots. Greeted us like he knew us. “Hey,” he said, “Seeing you guys, reminds me of Boston, where I grew up and my mom would bundle me up.” Pegged us right away; we wondered what’d we done to give it away. Duh?
Without further ado, he continued. “I’ll tell you what the problem is, the world cannot support so many people – because we have decimated our resources. Thus there’s a limited amount to go around. We can’t support this burgeoning humanity that keeps growing. The more limited the resources, the more we fight for them. Everything in our world is a result of what we do, like prolonging life so much that it costs more to live longer, increasing the limited access to resources – so that’s why we have wars and inhumane societies.” He tipped his hat. “Nice meeting you folks.” He turned & walked away with a small wave. “I have to bring her in. Goodbye now! Enjoy the rest of your trip.”
I recall his words …
So strange, surreal, I sit and wonder about this conversation. Does he pick someone every trip and tell him this? I consider and wonder, is this real?
*another true poetry story by Joy Leftow
December 5, 2016
Third time's the charm for Cleo's Poem
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GOLDEN GIRL
Cleo, stunning and engagingRavaged by cancer in 6 weeks Fast growing tumor behind nasal passages
Pressing into her right ear, nose, later her right eyeCleo's will was strong but cancer’s more powerful Possessive to a fault She owned me, not me, her Cleo was mistress of my home Very frustrating when she would not permit other females Except her mother in our domicile
The way she tilted her head, curled her lip Like she was Elvis reborn in a cat, looking in my eyes. Poor girl! Spunky to a fault
What will we do without her?Beautiful … Golden silky hair became unkemptWeight fell from her frail body like autumn leaves Left with no choice Hope gone, my heart bereftWant to hold on to her purrs and love Feel her head pushing against my body Her rough tongue licks my hand: I pet her Her scent still on the shirt I wore FridayUnable to purr, nor eat, the tumor grew fast, blocking the way
Higgins thought AMC could remove part of the tumorAs they also mistakenly thought when they assured meShe’d be the better to try, 50 - 50 chance, after all,Higgins already tried and failed but believed they’d succeed Never listen to vets when your gut dictates a different routeNot sure if they wanted to help her or wanted young interns to learn
Lessons learned too lateCan't hold back fate
Learned a few more peaceful days Not surgery trauma choicesAnesthesia wrecked an already starving soul striving to survive I regret not continuing using subcutaneous water Combined with finger feeding baby food Instead doctors installed a feeding tube Made her gag even worse than before Doctors almost convinced me her tiny Shrinking body could handle radiation fine Sure glad I didn't listen, only wish I hadn’tLet them put her small shrinking body through surgical traumaCan’t forgive myself, made her suffering worse Let interns learn and experiment, whenIn the end, everything they did at AMC made it worse, Kind of like our governmentLetting go of Cleo was the hardest thing I've ever done. There will never be another CleoKnowing Cleo’s out of misery is no consolation Miss her love, her energy, her beauty, her excitation Flame point Siamese with deep blue eyes; visualize her exotic look, Feel her strange personalityCat fanciers classify Flame point Siamese as “Exotic”Even though Cleo clearly is pure Siamese, through and through
Brushing Cleo’s fur made her purr loudly Helped reduce cat hair in environmentLay awake; want to feel her body press against mineWant to stare into her eyes, Cleo lying on her back staring backStretching her small slim body, her limbs against mine Urging me to stroke her and moving to let me know wherePurrs so loud I wondered how she did itGone forever, she lives on in my heart, Try to cope with loss, and remember Visualize CleoWith her mother, Starr, and bossy Sphinx DavieStarr screaming for Cleo Inseparable in life All of us bereft, confused Miss her warmth Cleo, … gone!Life cut short, 9 years’ soul Mercy, mercy, please...
Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye.
First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it.
I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat, which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for the entire trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her.
The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head.
God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.
GOLDEN GIRL
Cleo, stunning and engagingRavaged by cancer in 6 weeks Fast growing tumor behind nasal passages
Pressing into her right ear, nose, later her right eyeCleo's will was strong but cancer’s more powerful Possessive to a fault She owned me, not me, her Cleo was mistress of my home Very frustrating when she would not permit other females Except her mother in our domicile
The way she tilted her head, curled her lip Like she was Elvis reborn in a cat, looking in my eyes. Poor girl! Spunky to a fault
What will we do without her?Beautiful … Golden silky hair became unkemptWeight fell from her frail body like autumn leaves Left with no choice Hope gone, my heart bereftWant to hold on to her purrs and love Feel her head pushing against my body Her rough tongue licks my hand: I pet her Her scent still on the shirt I wore FridayUnable to purr, nor eat, the tumor grew fast, blocking the way
Higgins thought AMC could remove part of the tumorAs they also mistakenly thought when they assured meShe’d be the better to try, 50 - 50 chance, after all,Higgins already tried and failed but believed they’d succeed Never listen to vets when your gut dictates a different routeNot sure if they wanted to help her or wanted young interns to learn
Lessons learned too lateCan't hold back fate
Learned a few more peaceful days Not surgery trauma choicesAnesthesia wrecked an already starving soul striving to survive I regret not continuing using subcutaneous water Combined with finger feeding baby food Instead doctors installed a feeding tube Made her gag even worse than before Doctors almost convinced me her tiny Shrinking body could handle radiation fine Sure glad I didn't listen, only wish I hadn’tLet them put her small shrinking body through surgical traumaCan’t forgive myself, made her suffering worse Let interns learn and experiment, whenIn the end, everything they did at AMC made it worse, Kind of like our governmentLetting go of Cleo was the hardest thing I've ever done. There will never be another CleoKnowing Cleo’s out of misery is no consolation Miss her love, her energy, her beauty, her excitation Flame point Siamese with deep blue eyes; visualize her exotic look, Feel her strange personalityCat fanciers classify Flame point Siamese as “Exotic”Even though Cleo clearly is pure Siamese, through and through
Brushing Cleo’s fur made her purr loudly Helped reduce cat hair in environmentLay awake; want to feel her body press against mineWant to stare into her eyes, Cleo lying on her back staring backStretching her small slim body, her limbs against mine Urging me to stroke her and moving to let me know wherePurrs so loud I wondered how she did itGone forever, she lives on in my heart, Try to cope with loss, and remember Visualize CleoWith her mother, Starr, and bossy Sphinx DavieStarr screaming for Cleo Inseparable in life All of us bereft, confused Miss her warmth Cleo, … gone!Life cut short, 9 years’ soul Mercy, mercy, please...
Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye.
First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it.
I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat, which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for the entire trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her.
The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head.
God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.
December 4, 2016
Can't help myself I guess, edited poem
GOLDEN GIRL
Cleo, stunning and engagingRavaged by cancer in 6 weeks Fast growing tumor behind nasal passagesPressing into her ear nose, later her eyesCleo's will was strong but cancer’s more powerful Possessive to a fault She owned me, not me, her Cleo was mistress of my home Very frustrating when she would not permit other females besides her mother in our domicile What will we do without her?Beautiful till the end Golden silky hair became unkemptWeight falling from her frail body like autumn leaves Left with no choice Hope gone, my heart bereftWant to hold on to her purrs and love Her head pushing against my body Her rough tongue licking my hand, as I'd pet her Unable to purr and eat, the tumor grew fast blocking the way Vets claimed 50 - 50 chance, said they could remove, after one already tried, Not sure if they wanted to help save her or wanted the young interns to learn Lessons learned too lateCan't hold back fateNever listen to vets when your gut dictates a different routeGive a few more peaceful days, not surgery trauma Hours of anesthesia wrecked an already starving soul striving to survive I regret not continuing using subcutaneous water Combined with finger feeding baby food Instead doctors installed a feeding tube Made her gag even worse than before Doctors almost convinced me her tiny shrinking body could handle radiation fine Sure glad I didn't listen, only wish I hadn’tlet them put her small shrinking body through surgical traumaCan’t forgive myself, made her suffering worse Let interns learn and experiment, whenIn the end, everything they did at AMC made it worse, Kinda like our governmentLetting go of Cleo was the hardest thing I've ever done. There will never be another CleoKnowing Cleo’s out of misery is no consolation Miss her love, her energy, her beauty, her excitation Flame point Siamese with deep blue eyes; visualize her exotic look, Feel her strange personalityCat fanciers classify Flame point Siamese as “Exotic”Even though Cleo clearly is pure Siamese, through and through
Brushing Cleo’s fur made her purr loudly Helped reduce cat hair in environmentLay awake, want to feel her body press against mineWant to stare into her eyes, Cleo lying on her back staring backStretching her small slim body, her limbs against mine Urging me to stroke her and moving to let me know wherePurrs so loud I wondered how she did itGone forever, she lives on in my heart, Try to cope with loss, and remember Visualize Cleowith her mother, Starr, and bossy Sphinx DavieStarr screaming for Cleo Inseparable in life All of us bereft, confused Miss her warmth Cleo, gone. Life cut short, 9 years’ soul Mercy, mercy, please...
Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye.
First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it. I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for all the trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her.
The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head.
God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.
Cleo, stunning and engagingRavaged by cancer in 6 weeks Fast growing tumor behind nasal passagesPressing into her ear nose, later her eyesCleo's will was strong but cancer’s more powerful Possessive to a fault She owned me, not me, her Cleo was mistress of my home Very frustrating when she would not permit other females besides her mother in our domicile What will we do without her?Beautiful till the end Golden silky hair became unkemptWeight falling from her frail body like autumn leaves Left with no choice Hope gone, my heart bereftWant to hold on to her purrs and love Her head pushing against my body Her rough tongue licking my hand, as I'd pet her Unable to purr and eat, the tumor grew fast blocking the way Vets claimed 50 - 50 chance, said they could remove, after one already tried, Not sure if they wanted to help save her or wanted the young interns to learn Lessons learned too lateCan't hold back fateNever listen to vets when your gut dictates a different routeGive a few more peaceful days, not surgery trauma Hours of anesthesia wrecked an already starving soul striving to survive I regret not continuing using subcutaneous water Combined with finger feeding baby food Instead doctors installed a feeding tube Made her gag even worse than before Doctors almost convinced me her tiny shrinking body could handle radiation fine Sure glad I didn't listen, only wish I hadn’tlet them put her small shrinking body through surgical traumaCan’t forgive myself, made her suffering worse Let interns learn and experiment, whenIn the end, everything they did at AMC made it worse, Kinda like our governmentLetting go of Cleo was the hardest thing I've ever done. There will never be another CleoKnowing Cleo’s out of misery is no consolation Miss her love, her energy, her beauty, her excitation Flame point Siamese with deep blue eyes; visualize her exotic look, Feel her strange personalityCat fanciers classify Flame point Siamese as “Exotic”Even though Cleo clearly is pure Siamese, through and through
Brushing Cleo’s fur made her purr loudly Helped reduce cat hair in environmentLay awake, want to feel her body press against mineWant to stare into her eyes, Cleo lying on her back staring backStretching her small slim body, her limbs against mine Urging me to stroke her and moving to let me know wherePurrs so loud I wondered how she did itGone forever, she lives on in my heart, Try to cope with loss, and remember Visualize Cleowith her mother, Starr, and bossy Sphinx DavieStarr screaming for Cleo Inseparable in life All of us bereft, confused Miss her warmth Cleo, gone. Life cut short, 9 years’ soul Mercy, mercy, please...
Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye.
First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it. I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for all the trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her.
The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head.
God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.
December 3, 2016
Golden Girl
Cleo, stunning and engagingRavaged by cancer in 6 weeks A fast growing tumor behind her nasal passagesPressing into her ear nose and finally eyesCleo's will was strong but cancer is powerful Possessive to a fault She owned me not the other way around She would not allow any other female except her mother in my domicile Cleo was mistress of my home What will we do without her?Beautiful till the end Her golden silky fur became unkemptWeight falling like autumn leaves Me left with no choice Hope gone and my heart bereftWanting to hold on to her purrs and love Her head pushing against my body Her rough tongue licking my hand, as I'd pet her Unable to purr and eat, the tumor grew fast blocking the way Vets claimed 50 - 50 chance, said they could remove, after one already tried, Not sure if they wanted to help save her or wanted the younger vets to learn Sorry I listened, should have followed my instincts And given her a few more peaceful days instead of trauma in surgery Hours of anesthesia on an already wrecked soul starving and striving to survive I regret not continuing my program of subcutaneous water Combined with finger feeding baby food Instead they installed a feeding tube which made her gag more than beforeDoctors tried to convince me her tiny shrinking body would handle radiation fine I'm glad I didn't listen and only wish I Didn't commit her tiny shrinking body to surgical traumaCan’t forgive myself for making her suffering worse Letting them experiment, Lessons learned too lateCan't hold back fateLetting go of Cleo was the hardest thing I've ever done. There will never be another CleoKnowing she's out of misery is no consolation Miss her love, her energy, her beauty, her excitation Flame point Siamese with deep blue eyes; recall her exotic look and personality. Cat fanciers called her exotic Would not classify her as Siamese although She was pure through and through Life cut short, 9 years of soul Brushing her fur made her purr loudly Helped reduce the amount of hair spread aroundLay awake missing her body pressed against mineMiss staring into her eyes, her throwing herself on her back Stretching her small slim body and limbs against mine Urging and telling me how to stroke her Purrs so loud made me wonder how she did itGone, forever lives in my heart, try to cope and remember Visualize Cleo,Lying here with her mother, Starr and bossy DavieStarr screaming for her daughter Inseparable in life All of us bereft, confused Missing her warmth Cleo is gone. Mercy, mercy, please...
I've written before about Cleo on my blog, specifically at the link below addressing her being a flame point Siamese and being called Exotic when she is pure Siamese:
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/announcing-new-blog-give-away.html
Other poems that included mention of Cleo are here:
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2013/08/daybreak.html
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/im-sorry-so-sorry-its-taken-me-this.html
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/where-did-day-go.html
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2016/07/ranting-on-about-lifes-bitch-and-then.html Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye. First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it. I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for all the trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her.
The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head.
God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.
I've written before about Cleo on my blog, specifically at the link below addressing her being a flame point Siamese and being called Exotic when she is pure Siamese:
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/announcing-new-blog-give-away.html
Other poems that included mention of Cleo are here:
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2013/08/daybreak.html
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/im-sorry-so-sorry-its-taken-me-this.html
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/where-did-day-go.html
http://joyleftowsblog.blogspot.com/2016/07/ranting-on-about-lifes-bitch-and-then.html Cleo would have been 9 years old December 27th. I was forced to put her down as the tumor pressed on the back of her throat and no food or water could pass. It was growing fast and had already grown into her ear and infected it. Then it spread behind her left eye. First The Humane Society had seen her and thought it was an ear infection. Then when I brought her back they thought it was a cold. When I reported that the back of her throat was completely closed, they sedated her and tried to reach the tumor thinking it was a polyp and they reported it was too deep and they could not reach it. I should have listened to my gut when my urge was to take her home and let her rest giving her fluids subcutaneously, and baby food and nutriment on my finger. Instead on the advice of doctors who suggested she see specialists at the Animal Medical Center, I took her there for a consult. They said they thought they could get the polyp and that there was a good chance it was not cancer and that they would insert a feeding tube. I thought the feeding tube would be in the stomach but it was placed in her throat which only aggravated her gagging reflex. After a couple of hours of anesthesia and experimental work, they saw they could do nothing and from only looking doctors were able to report it was a very fast growing cancer. When she came home she was much worse for all the trauma. I would have had to put down anyway but she would have had a few days in peace with her mother, pictured below next to her.
The tumor grew very fast and was invading every organ in every part of her head.
God Bless Cleo! May she rest in peace and may the next birth be blessed.
November 9, 2016
Post Election Blues ~ Love and Election, Night & Day
My love for him lives in little unreachable spotsAlong with realityMy son’s eyes shine like hisToo late forced to let go of a lifelineOf yes and noBlack and whiteCause and effectThe flow goes where it will Time spears existential
I only saw his eyesMesmerized meHis life authorized meCouldn’t see the skyDidn’t realize Nor analyze The color of my hairEyes constantThey see what they think they seeWhat they want to seeHow they want time to proceed
It’s the whole packageEntire gestalt – height, weight, hairstyle - lengthEyes know eyes or we think when we stare in someone’s eyesSwear we know what we seeWe know what we sowWe almost know where it goes
We know or think we knowBoudreau to Bordeaux wine mapSanctity - Humanity Only way to understandMove ahead – my own private heaven
Hard to feel good in our political world Affects me whether I pretend to care or notUnable to move ahead Live in fear need to survive the Stuck here for 4 more years
Did you hear about the Buddhist Monks who pretended to have a sanctuary for lions & instead bred them for parts to make medicines?
My own private hell ...
How can we live in peace?How can we force those in charge to care for our planet Humanity is scary when people in power don’t value Earth’s health Though we require it for survival Anxious terrifiedI tell you TESLA HAS THE ANSWER
This is a love poem turned politicalBecause I can’t shut it out of my mindOn the brink of disaster, predict war, famineFlooding ~ Now understand why the end of days is comingMan destroyed by greedWars provide great economic growthBiggest trick in the book is to make war
Standing Rock Nation’s access to water threatenedGod, please help us in our suffering Until combined we are strongWinter has been coming for a long time Now you know it’s finally hereWe must work survive togetherThink love ~ breathe love ~
Somehow ~ we must survive
I only saw his eyesMesmerized meHis life authorized meCouldn’t see the skyDidn’t realize Nor analyze The color of my hairEyes constantThey see what they think they seeWhat they want to seeHow they want time to proceed
It’s the whole packageEntire gestalt – height, weight, hairstyle - lengthEyes know eyes or we think when we stare in someone’s eyesSwear we know what we seeWe know what we sowWe almost know where it goes
We know or think we knowBoudreau to Bordeaux wine mapSanctity - Humanity Only way to understandMove ahead – my own private heaven
Hard to feel good in our political world Affects me whether I pretend to care or notUnable to move ahead Live in fear need to survive the Stuck here for 4 more years
Did you hear about the Buddhist Monks who pretended to have a sanctuary for lions & instead bred them for parts to make medicines?
My own private hell ...
How can we live in peace?How can we force those in charge to care for our planet Humanity is scary when people in power don’t value Earth’s health Though we require it for survival Anxious terrifiedI tell you TESLA HAS THE ANSWER
This is a love poem turned politicalBecause I can’t shut it out of my mindOn the brink of disaster, predict war, famineFlooding ~ Now understand why the end of days is comingMan destroyed by greedWars provide great economic growthBiggest trick in the book is to make war
Standing Rock Nation’s access to water threatenedGod, please help us in our suffering Until combined we are strongWinter has been coming for a long time Now you know it’s finally hereWe must work survive togetherThink love ~ breathe love ~
Somehow ~ we must survive
October 29, 2016
I'M A REALLY BAD GIRL
They ridicule my nails – they’re so unkempt, with lined skin and chapped. Make fun of my faded “pink” hair when I fail to recolor quickly enough. My son tried to teach me some skills and went and bought me a Papyrus card with enclosed gift certificate for a manicure to try and show me what others expect in the way of grooming. I used the gift card to get a manicure and massage, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed.
Examine and judge me like an object there only for their enjoyment and disdain while they gossip about my hair and my nails. Really is this what counts? How I make myself up nice and proper and meet the societal mores? My nails, my hair, shaving for the beach – I hate all three.
I’m too busy and too cheap to take time to enjoy the little things. Time takes its toll, year after year, cleaning and cleaning, rarely using gloves I clean without gloves to feel what I’m cleaning, to feel smoothness or roughness, to feel dents and bruises.
I think I’m confused by it all – why it means so much. OK I admit it’s true it’s not that much money, but for me – I, who more or less consistently refuse to shave my legs and rarely shave my underarms, and who uses a scissors to trim my underarms, do you really suppose this is what will take importance on my growing to do list? I use opaque tights and the hair doesn’t show. I rarely wear sleeveless so what different does it make if I only trim the hair. It really does burn and hurt my skin for two days afterwards. It’s like heels – I can barely walk without heels so how am I going to walk with them.
Oh I hear the arguments now, “Your self esteem must be affected by not doing these things.” Or, “You have to be nice to yourself and treat yourself sometimes.” And incredibly sometimes, I do carry through and buy these treats for myself. Perhaps in my entire life, I’ve had less than a dozen manicures. Well for sure, I can guarantee you I’ve had less than two-dozen manicures. But I do - do occasionally I do - do for sure.
Examine and judge me like an object there only for their enjoyment and disdain while they gossip about my hair and my nails. Really is this what counts? How I make myself up nice and proper and meet the societal mores? My nails, my hair, shaving for the beach – I hate all three.
I’m too busy and too cheap to take time to enjoy the little things. Time takes its toll, year after year, cleaning and cleaning, rarely using gloves I clean without gloves to feel what I’m cleaning, to feel smoothness or roughness, to feel dents and bruises.
I think I’m confused by it all – why it means so much. OK I admit it’s true it’s not that much money, but for me – I, who more or less consistently refuse to shave my legs and rarely shave my underarms, and who uses a scissors to trim my underarms, do you really suppose this is what will take importance on my growing to do list? I use opaque tights and the hair doesn’t show. I rarely wear sleeveless so what different does it make if I only trim the hair. It really does burn and hurt my skin for two days afterwards. It’s like heels – I can barely walk without heels so how am I going to walk with them.
Oh I hear the arguments now, “Your self esteem must be affected by not doing these things.” Or, “You have to be nice to yourself and treat yourself sometimes.” And incredibly sometimes, I do carry through and buy these treats for myself. Perhaps in my entire life, I’ve had less than a dozen manicures. Well for sure, I can guarantee you I’ve had less than two-dozen manicures. But I do - do occasionally I do - do for sure.
October 23, 2016
Making Changes
I want to be Alice in WonderlandAnd own her possibilitiesWonder whether or not to take the pillSee if this will give me a dropOn a nicer line-Something with a better designThe sound of rain beating downUpon gray pavement Thunder clapsPeople pull on caps and hoodies, Tent papers and plastic bags over headsStill can’t escape the explosion of Wet splashing, sound clashingHazy curtain of rainSoaks my clothes through to my skin
Lost my train of thought To the winds, the chimes Of time descendA gathering vine to the vibe
Lost my train of thought To the winds, the chimes Of time descendA gathering vine to the vibe
October 15, 2016
I’m a “wanna be”
I wanna be graffiti covering walls boldly like Shira and old time guyI wanna classical art like Van-Gogh, Degas and MatisseModern like Roy Lichtenstein, PollachI wanna be art covered in dead mosquitosVisions of what we can and should beEnvelop my dreams
I wanna be actress, singer, grand some sports enthusiastI wanna be poet, writer, Indian girlDamn 3 percent Indian girlDon’t you think I know it’s hard to be so many thingsAll at once, we have to climb highBe many things all at once
I wanna be means I try every dayTo be another meMedia throws so many me’s in my faceEveryday I’m like, “Who am I gonna be todayYou wanna be meTry to walk a mile in my shoes
Yes it’s cliché to say but so true I wanna be Halle Berry, Jenifer Lopez, Marilyn Monroe,Debbie Reynolds, Beyonce, and Jayne Mansfield All rolled into one convenient slice of pie
I want to be a Royal Purple Audi 500, Special Pass AutoI wanna be best of the best, is who I Want To BeIt’s hard to be anyone when mostly everyoneBarely knows who they are today, or tomorrowOur hearts immune to roars of despairControlled by media, the score, blind deaf despair
Back in the day popularly called wanna be’sNow everyone’s a “wanna be”Hard to know true, everyone imagines we can be Who we want to be – nurtured by American dreams, A society amiss with misfits who all wanna be tooSome few have the means to be more than they are – I don’t fit in with the Jones, try to fit inWhere ever I can, yeah it’s hard to be a lonerBarely fit in anywhere, if you please
Plus I don’t have the means to fit it with the Jones
I wanna be actress, singer, grand some sports enthusiastI wanna be poet, writer, Indian girlDamn 3 percent Indian girlDon’t you think I know it’s hard to be so many thingsAll at once, we have to climb highBe many things all at once
I wanna be means I try every dayTo be another meMedia throws so many me’s in my faceEveryday I’m like, “Who am I gonna be todayYou wanna be meTry to walk a mile in my shoes
Yes it’s cliché to say but so true I wanna be Halle Berry, Jenifer Lopez, Marilyn Monroe,Debbie Reynolds, Beyonce, and Jayne Mansfield All rolled into one convenient slice of pie
I want to be a Royal Purple Audi 500, Special Pass AutoI wanna be best of the best, is who I Want To BeIt’s hard to be anyone when mostly everyoneBarely knows who they are today, or tomorrowOur hearts immune to roars of despairControlled by media, the score, blind deaf despair
Back in the day popularly called wanna be’sNow everyone’s a “wanna be”Hard to know true, everyone imagines we can be Who we want to be – nurtured by American dreams, A society amiss with misfits who all wanna be tooSome few have the means to be more than they are – I don’t fit in with the Jones, try to fit inWhere ever I can, yeah it’s hard to be a lonerBarely fit in anywhere, if you please
Plus I don’t have the means to fit it with the Jones
