Kelly Rae Roberts's Blog, page 91

karen browing, i heart you so.

without going into all the details just yet i will say that it's been very very rough over here the last couple of weeks. we are in good hands medically and spiritually, though we are emotionally and physically exhausted. while we continue to tend and nurture and adjust and love our hearts out, i've asked some of my dearest friends to share some of their letters, wisdom, humor, and stories with you. i love the idea of this space becoming a scrapbook of sorts to look back on - a virtual welcoming book for this new journey into life.

below is a letter from karen, one of my oldest friends. i wrote about karen back in 2007 and how she changed my life with one very memorable roadtrip. i love her to pieces and like most of my oldest friends, she holds so many memories that make up the whole of who i am. i'm so grateful for her witness to my life, for her undying friendship, for her always being in my life even through years and years of living 3000 miles apart. she has taught me so much about friendship commitment, loyalty, how friends simply feel like family. she has recently taken a big leap in her own life and i'm so, so insanely excited for her.


me and karen, 1998, during that life changing roadtrip that brought me out west.

Kelly Rae and I have never been the kind of friends who keep in close touch with each other. We don't talk on the phone every day or even every month. We email sporadically. But I still consider Kelly one of my best friends and hope to for a long time. You see, what I treasure about our friendship is that we've always been able to pick right up where we left off and feel like nothing has changed. We both know the depth of our love for each other without having to reaffirm it constantly. She will always be one of those friends I will call immediately when something wonderful or terrible happens. She has known me since junior high and we've grown together through high school, college and beyond, through crushes and heartaches, through triumphs and letdowns. It's the kind of knowing where we can sit together quietly having tea and enjoying each other's company, or spend all night talking and still not say all we want to say. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we say, just hearing the other's voice is enough.

I can't wait to meet little True. I know he will live up to his name. Knowing that he is part Kelly and part John, I have a feeling he won't know how to be anything other than who he is. Kelly and John are amazing and beautiful people and part of their charm is that both are so much who they are, always. There is never any doubt when you're with them whether they're being sincere or not. I hope True shares his parents' adventurous spirit. I hope he is gifted with Kelly' wonderful optimism and John's sweet patience. I have no doubt that he'll be a bright and happy boy. That he'll join Bella in following behind these two in whatever adventures life leads them on and eventually will take the lead himself, showing his parents new parts of the world they never dreamed they'd see.


me, ama, karen, kat, clare and little theo - 2007, trip to NYC.

After getting married this summer my husband and I decided to pack house and move from Brooklyn upstate to Ithaca. The decision was swift and was made with all the certainty that two people can make such a life-changing decision. We had just spent a busy year planning our wedding while also managing work and creative time, trying to see friends and family members – the usual balancing act. We made the decision quickly and in unison, but not lightly. Much thought and care went into the decision and I totally feel like we made the best choice for us, following our hearts as my dear friend Kelly has often advised me to do. I frequently thought of Kelly at this point in my life, reading this blog, remembering points where she had her frustrations about the process but never really doubted her direction in life. I was inspired by the way she kept going and working on her art, working on this blog, making her life her own, even though she didn't have a place to live, even though there were still huge uncertainties about their new life in Portland and some of her family and friends may have questioned her wisdom in making that leap while expecting her first child. I never doubted. Knowing Kelly, I knew she and John would make the move to Portland and though everything wouldn't exactly fall into place immediately, I knew they would put together the life they envisioned for themselves. And they have. And now True has joined them.



This week we drove the moving van to Ithaca, put all our stuff in storage for a month and happily settled in with our friends in their amazing home, our little kitty Matchska in tow. There have definitely been moments where I've been frustrated, where I've been annoyed that I don't have things I want readily at hand or that I'm sharing space with a family of six (god bless them for adding Ralph and the kitty and I to the mix!) or that I'm uncertain what my life here will be like. I miss my friends a lot, those I just left behind, and those, like Kelly, who haven't lived in the same city as me for years. Moving to a new place does that. But I know without having to ask that Kelly Rae is rooting me on from her space in Oregon, just as I've been doing the same from over here in New York. I know that we will continue to talk, to meet up once every year or so to gather our family of friends together or maybe just the girls. I know that our children will know each other, that our lives will remain intertwined and I hope that we keep loving, supporting and inspiring each other for many more decades to come. Because that's what true friendship is. And by our example, I'm sure True will find his own true friends and be an amazing inspiration to them too.

learning to be new - another wise letter from jen lemen

(baby true, five weeks, 10 pounds!)

i can barely get on the phone these days, or email for that matter, but i'm learning that quick 5 or 10 minute conversations with my friends on the phone are working. we're cutting to the chase. they ask how i'm doing, i tell the truth, and then we get on with it. they counsel me with good advice, humor, or a story about when they were a new mom. it's all very very soothing and exactly what i need (thank god - otherwise, i imagine i'd feel utterly alone). it was during one of these quick conversations with jen that i spoke about my confidence - how it wavers in this new mama territory. some days i feel like only i can properly tend to baby true. other days i feel like i'm really lousy at all of this. some days i wonder if my heart will not feel so unprotected and open to the elements. other days i feel a million times stronger.

as jen often does, she told me just what i needed to hear and then she wrote it all down in a special guest post below. whether you are new at mamahood or something else entirely, her guest post today will reach you.

ps: jen recently launched her very own etsy shop so that we call all FINALLY get our hands on her artwork. i love how she tells us the back story - the confidence crisis, the fears, the vulnerabilities - that come with putting our artwork into the world. she is on a new journey too :)


you have everything you need print

My dear Kelly Rae,

As I write this, I am honestly exhausted, and I'm strangely comforted knowing that as a brand new mother, you probably are, too. Bringing newness into the world (whether it's a new chapter of your life as in my case or a real live baby as in yours) takes energy and hard work--the kind that surprises you with how tired you got so fast, over seemingly nothing. Add the woes of having no idea what you're doing and wondering if you're the world's first person who really cannot not manage this new thing you just brought into the world, and you can find yourself in a confidence crisis before you know it.

Here's what I know about being new at something:

It's not easy.
It's scary.
It's not really that fun.
It's at the same time strangely thrilling.
It's nerve-wracking.
It's humbling.
It's awe-inspiring.
It's exciting.
It can make you feel dumb.
It does not last anywhere close to forever, even though it feels like it.

Being new, actually, when you think about it, is over much faster than you think.

These are the times when it is critical to put your measuring stick away. There is no gold standard for good behavior now. There is no established criteria for good mother or bad mother. There's just the new and the not-so new. The exhausted and the tiny-bit-more-rested. The oh-I-get-it-now! and the i-just-can't-get-this-yet.


the speak kindness print

When you are new, it's absolutely critical to be kind to yourself, and to handle your psyche just as gently as you do your newborn baby. A brand new part of you just got born along with baby True and so you must handle that baby girl kindly, because she has needs, too. She has no idea why she just locked the keys in the car or why she is crying. All she knows is that she is doing the very best that she can, and that for now, someone needs to talk to her gently until she understands what she's doing and who she is, is more than enough.

Your confidence will come, Kelly Rae, as you lay down all your internal measures and embrace what you are actually learning, moment by moment. Your confidence will grow as you draw--not on your sleep-deprived brain, but on the tenderness of your raw, unprotected heart.

Your heart knows where your real expertise lies. Your heart remembers all the things you've learned over so many years of loving with your heart wide open, no questions asked. This same heart that has carried you across miles and moved your paintbrush across canvases and said yes over and over again to what really matters--this is the heart that will guide you now while you're so new. This is the heart that will help you see how much the love you have is already guiding you as you learn how to take care of True. You can trust this heart more than you know, and about simple things, too. Your heart really can show you what to do.


the unwavering hope print

I am sending so much love your way. This is a hard time--learning how to be a beginner at doing something new. But it will take you places you never knew you wanted to go. You can trust the process to unfold and that you are learning, right this second, exactly what makes the most sense for you and John and True.

I love you so much and for what it's worth, I have every confidence in you,

Jen

NEW Sponsor Spotlights: Part 2

We've got several new sponsors for November - thank you sponsors! Today, I'd like to offer a warm welcome to my newest sponsors. There is so much goodness in their offerings, especially during this holiday season. Please enjoy their spotlights! PS: If you are interested in becoming a sponsor (includes your ad on the sidebar + ongoing spotlights), please send me an email for further information! Now taking sign-ups for the holiday season (Dec).
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Hi, I'm Deb, the face behind Margaret River Stompers. I have always loved bright colors and am happiest when creating colorful combinations for baby shoes. My baby shoes and boots are lovingly handmade to order from my home-based studio and shipped within 2-3 days. Come and check out the full range of funky shoes on my website. With the help of my daughter and sister I also provide children's T-shirts and kids room art which are all unique items and not mass produced.
**International online sales are welcome**. SHIPPING is AUD $15 for unlimited items purchased for the months of November and December. I would encourage you to get together with friends to share the shipping costs.
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Crazy Fox Studio, designs unique hand-made jewelry and accessories – vintage/romantic and flapper/bohemian inspired designs with a modern flair. My visions are often influenced by nature, fairies, antique textiles and the occasional fox. I love creating new jewelry from old items, the transformation of yesterdays mementos into today's treasures. Recycling for the heart and soul. I design each piece from my studio, located in Williamstown, Ontario, with my two muses, Grace and Boo (boarder collies). I hope everyone that purchases my designs enjoys wearing & using them as much as I did making them! Please visit my Etsy shop to see more of my work and Thank You!
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Welcome to my lil` corner of the world, thank you kindly for your interest! A picture frame bracelet is a great gift giving idea for Moms & Grand Moms who have it all. Bracelets are made with premium Czech glass beads & antiqued silver plate frames; they are strung on thick stretch cording. Bracelet measures 7" around which is a good fit for an average wrist. If you need a larger size, I am happy to accommodate your need at no charge. Just contact me after the sale. Every bracelet is a treasure for me to work with, and I hope you will treasure wearing or giving yours. *FREE* I will insert your pictures, after purchase send your pictures to me jewelryboutique@att.net. You will receive a completed bracelet to keep or gift. And for PHOTOGRAPHERS, I offer a volume discount. If you would like to offer my bracelets to your clients, let's make a deal! Please visit me on Facebook for online specials. To find out more about me visit me at my website or Etsy store.
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Nature, especially enchanted woodland inspire me the most. Daily I walk in the woods and hills which surrounds my lovely home here in Finland. I love to create jewelry which i would want to wear when I am wandering through the wild woods or being by the sea. Talismans and something meaningful. I use lots of acorns, leaves and birds in my jewelries and often create them myself from air clay. Fabrics and stone beads are my other favorite materials.you are able to find my jewelries : http://robinandthesage.com/ and http://www.etsy.com/shop/robinandthesage
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This holiday season, enjoy a fresh new mix of gift items at Hazelnut Cottage. Meander through our *BRAND NEW* Fall/Winter 2010 Collection of custom hand-stamped jewelry and mixed-media art, including our newly debuted girlie paintings and darkly oxidized mommy jewelry. Here is what one recent customer had to say about a special purchase:"Thank you so much, words can't even begin to tell you how much this necklace means to me. When I saw it I just new I had to have it and how perfect it matched my situation...I now have it and can't say enough about the necklace. Then the little letter you wrote still brings tears to my eyes, you went way above and beyond and there is no price for that. Thank you so much!!!" ~J"

In addition to the great specials going on at Hazelnut Cottage this holiday season, Kelly Rae readers receive a free gift with every purchase plus FREE SHIPPING on all jewelry orders placed by November 15th, so place your Hazelnut Cottage order early! Please mention the discount code: KRR10 in the 'Message to Seller' section of your Etsy transaction. To find out more about what Jan is up to at Hazelnut Cottage, stop by her blog and say "Hello!"

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Hope Wallace of Paper Relics and Kari Ramstrom of ArtsyMama are teaming together to host a fun-filled holiday class about discovering and documenting your own winter stories. We will help you to fully embrace the magic of the season with inspiring prompts, creative projects and instructions to create your own keepsake book. This class is about taking this particular time of year and capturing its essence. Collecting images, artifacts and memories of our winter stories for 2010. Seeking beauty and meaning in everything and embracing it, then documenting it. Each weekday beginning November 29th, we will provide a prompt or creative project and it will continue for four weeks. There will be a journaling prompt to fill your book up with memories, traditions and wishes, a creative project, and a post from one of us exploring a topic we love. Click here for lots more info and to sign up.

NEW Sponsor Spotlights: Part 1

We've got several new sponsors for November - thank you sponsors! I'd like to introduce them over the next couple of days. Today, I'd like to offer a warm welcome to my newest FEATURED sponsors. There is so much goodness in their offerings, especially during this holiday season. Please enjoy their spotlights! In a couple of days, I'll introduce you to the remainder of the new November sponsors. Stay tuned! PS: If you are interested in becoming a sponsor (includes your ad on the sidebar + ongoing spotlights), please send me an email for further information! Now taking sign-ups for the holiday season (Dec).
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I am the creator of Beautiful Day Photography & Design - my name is Tracy Olan. Hello.

I am a mama, an earthy urban girl who loves big, and an artist. But my truest artistic passion is photography. Gathering images is a magical process for me, and almost always feels out of my hands. Whether I"m shooting for an artist, musician, family, gallery or magazine cover, I believe each job was sent to me, for reasons I could never imagine at the time, but become aware of and grateful for, as time goes on. And always feels like an artistic and spiritual collaboration! My openess to this process takes me somewhere different each day! So if you are in Canada and looking for a photography collaboration, visit me at my website. If you are lover of photos, come by my etsy shop, and see how I see the world. Or just pop by my blog and say hello....have a peek at my weekly ramblings about living a full on creative life!

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I am Linda Hardy, a mother of 2 grown daughters trying to keep my sanity. I have been disabled for several years and in an attempt to not go crazy, I dove into art. I love it and it brings great peace and much happiness to me. I create original bird and shabby chic ornamental art that is handmade. Please visit my etsy online store to see what might bring you happiness. I would be happy to make you a custom piece!
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Tri Originals is about the excitement and positive energy of life every day and a reminder to enjoy the moment. Whether you are celebrating a race or celebrating life ... I truly believe that you can if you tri! Receive a 10% off your order until December 31st, 2010 code: SPOTLIGHT

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Susan Faye lives in the Great Northwest on the banks of Willamina Creek with a cat or two and a room full of really great art supplies. Visit her online shop Susan Faye for Feline Fanatics and Nature Lovers and you will find a cheerful selection of art, jewelry and handcrafts featuring her whimsical watercolor artwork. Susan also paints commissioned custom portraits of cat ladies and other pet lovers whose stories are featured on her blog 365 Cat Ladies & Friends. Her passions include Mother Nature, Hiking, Bird Watching, Blogging, Designing, Sewing, Photography, Gardening, Writing, Illustration and Watercolor Painting. Oh yes, and CATS!
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Each piece of Fredbean's Nook jewelry is created with pride, care and attention to detail. By combining my love of wire and seedbeads, I feel that I've been able to create wearable pieces of art. All designs have been created using handcrafted components and tiny seed beads, meticulously hand-stitched by me, to form dainty peyote beads. Feel free to contact me with custom orders.
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THIS moment: All you have is all you need with Mindy Tsonas5 week ecourse, Nov. 15th - Dec. 16th, 2010
THIS Moment will take you on an eye opening, heart spilling, and meaningfully creative journey. As we head into the busy holiday season it is ever more essential to be mindful of where you are, right in this very moment. Join me on an exciting discovery as we ground in our truth and begin to see that to really live the life of our dreams, we need not look any further than the life that is right at our fingertips! More workshop details can be found here. The course includes: Daily posts (mon-thurs.) filled with images, essays, and stories from my own life, as well as from special guests; Accompanying daily downloads, which will become the pages of your very own THIS moment Workbook; A printable piece of art that will serve as your THIS moment Manifesto; A private space for sharing your art and thoughts with class participants; A complete copy of the ecourse posts in a downloadable PDF.

true + trees = autumn love

totally obsessed with autumn over here. it's insanely gorgeous in portland right now. having baby true has made me stop and pause and see it all. never before have i taken so many walks or driven around just to see the colors. nope. before True, you would have found me working. working straight through all of these colors and walks and moments. these last few weeks of new baby and new mamahood have sloooowed me down so that i can see and be fully awake to all that i've been missing - seriously grateful for this. thanks to the new iphone, i can capture small snippets of the adventures. today was his first time in a stroller - the three of us were on our way to our favorite restaurant in our neighborhood when we stopped to take a quick 22 second video of true and the trees. xxoo!

love letter to a new mother - a guest post from my old friend, ama

this guest post from one of my oldest friends will be one of my most treasured gifts. ama is an old soul, a woman who totally understands how the delicacies of life exist in the inbetween spaces. the way she writes about them leave me in awe. she's always been like this - her creativity has always been in her bones, her heart always deep and wide and open - it's why she's such a gifted writer, poet, and seer of the world. in so many ways we've grown up together, witnessing one anothers celebrations, and silently (and not silently) rooting the other on in times of major upheaval and heartbreak. big heartbreaks. life changing heartbreaks.



(my friends laughing at me as i take their photo - ama on the far right)

as i navigate this whole new mama world, i'm so comforted by the thought that my oldest friends knew me when. that they can remind me of who i was as i weave my old self into a new self. sometimes we forget who we once were and it's our friends who tell the tales and who remind of us of our story and our impact. i'm learning how important this gift is - of friend's showing and telling us our stories through their vision and their memories. it allows us to catch glimpses of our essence as we weave in the new pieces of who we're becoming - so that we don't lose ourselves, so that we know how much we matter. i remain in awe of ama. everything she touches with her delicate and brave heart is blessed, golden, and changed. she is one of my most treasured soul sisters

her story of broken heart pieces below has given me a whole new perspective on my tenderness over here. i know it will do the same for you - just wait.......and i'm loving the old college photos of us she found (1993!).

Love Letter to A New Mother


"Whether it be a story, a poem, a haiku, a letter,
words go beyond the wordless essence (as a refuge and a way)
and no longer belong to you." -- Gail Sher
These words to come, these words now, already, are no longer mine. They belong to a woman--her husband, her baby True, too--loved ones a whole country away. They belong to Kelly Rae, who is no longer the girl I once knew, who is no longer the young woman I knew, who is no longer the artist I once knew, who is no longer the kindred spirit whose grace I could feel more than a thousand miles away. She is a mother now, living in a love and pain that I, not a mother yet, can only contemplate.


In NYC
So these words to come are simple. These are not words of advice from one mother to another. These are words from an old friend, a friend who knew a different woman, a friend who knew a different girl, a friend who knew a different artist, a friend who sliced my sadness in half.


Playing With Our Dear Friend Clare's Baby Theo's Toys
A friend who spoke scary truths about her fears, giving me an open space, a safe space, to let out my own demons, to put them into the air between us--and her very breath seemed to dissolve them on the spot, right there in the open air amid the lush, lush grass and creeping green kudzu of our college campus.


College Shot in Which We're Both Wearing Headphones
I always seem to remember these times to have been in Spring. Maybe that's because it was almost felt like Spring there, in the Florida town of few seasons, in the sweet span of time that seems only to be found in the fumbling newness of youth. Maybe it's because I was with Kelly, who herself--despite her heart often breaking inside, despite the grief she so rarely shared with just anyone--felt and looked like Spring itself.


College. Waiting to See Unrest.
She placed beauty all around her. When the rest of us had rock posters taped to our walls, books strewn where they fell, dirty laundry thrown into piles in our rooms, Kelly's space was always fresh and new and cared for--an artfully curated oasis. I think back to how beautifully Kelly always dressed--so expressively, so originally, so perfectly Kelly--stylish without trend, her appearance (though we tried) was completely impossible to replicate. She painted her room blue, hung sophisticated and warm-hearted paintings and postcards to rival a gallery wall, arranged totems, charms, books and pictures on old, beloved dressers and tables. She created a space so comfortable, peaceful and loving we never wanted to leave.


She never talked about wanting to paint or create or be an artist. She listened. She knew how to make you laugh, how to simply be there with you while you felt small and terrified and despaired. She'd tell you she felt the same way, too. She transported, healed, comforted.

This was the Kelly I knew. She was also one who appeared perfect--gorgeous, laughing, happy, accomplished. So many then and likely now thought she was blessed, charmed, and had everything. Too lucky.

But with me, with others, perhaps with anyone who asked--she was the first to tell you that none of that was true, that it was all illusion. Those of you who read her blog, her honesty, her truth, may still feel that way--that she has everything that anyone could want--though she does constantly tell us her fears, her insecurities, her deepest self--it may still appear that this pixie-looking, bright-smiling woman with a beautiful home and a thriving business and a loving husband and a brand new baby has everything--and though she encourages you, loves you, believes in you with her whole heart--you yourself may still not quite believe that such achievement could be yours.


I also know this--Kelly has a heart that's been broken. Kelly has a heart that she put back together again. Kelly has worked her ass off, thrown her fear into the air and let it fall to pieces upon the ground. She has picked those pieces up, one by one, and created beauty with them, hope, a calling out to the sky for more of it.

Some pieces scattered so far it seems they won't ever be caught--they fly in breezes, those pieces of her heart. They're in the paintings we love, the words she writes. And the more far-flung pieces of that broken heart keep falling, the deepest, most wounded ones--and with those, this way, her art has grown, her reach to the world around her has grown. The bits of her heart are everywhere and far--like stars--wending downward like dust motes to the earth, and her creations will deepen, her words will deepen, her reach will widen.

So it is with all of us. But first we have to say hello, however terrifying, to that broken heart. We have to break it open--and through our whole lives--put it all back together again. Kelly did this. From a thousand miles away, she showed me what happens when you break your heart open and mend it, piece by piece by piece. Your whole life changes. This is the Kelly I knew.


"To be reborn again means first to be reborn in your children.
Your children are a continuation of yourself.
You are reborn in them." -- Thich Nhat Hanh
I know everything about her and nothing now. She's been in a place I've never been. Gone through pains and joys I've yet to know. She and John have broken their hearts wide open again, and out came Baby True.

The pieces of these burst-open hearts? Oh, they'll fall and they'll fall. I know these new parents will grab them--find them scattered everywhere, find them right beneath their feet, outside the windows in autumn like so many leaves fluttering in the wind, in passages, in passings, in phone calls from friends, visits from family, in the air they breathe--everywhere, in the most unexpected places, right when they're needed.

Baby True at Kelly's breast, in John's arms--the pieces are always falling--just where they're supposed to be, just when the space is open--like now, right now, as the baby, even as I write, holds bits of those broken hearts in his soft and tiny hand, melding them to his mother's chest as he sleeps, giving her the strength--just enough--to wrap her arms lightly around the solid weight upon her breast, close her eyes, and be what she has always been, an alchemist who turns bright, bloody, wavering bits of heart into a solid, living, breathing being--one true thing and one true thing only--what he always was, what she always was, what John always was, what we all are--bright unbreakable jewels that break anyway, that we piece back together anyway.

Hemingway says, "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are stronger in the broken places." In this case the broken places are the hearts of two new parents and the child that made them. Something entirely, undeniably new. Something entirely, undeniably true.

This new being, Baby True, is the gathered magic of a thousand lost hearts, waiting to tell us all that everything is perfect, everything is just as it should be, is just as it always was. It is nothing but love, which, above all, puts needle to thread, mends, and pours light into the tiniest of cracked spaces.

He came exactly when he was most needed, falling right into the small open space between the hearts of two of most the loving, perfectly paired people imaginable--just like he always knew he would.


All Photos Mine and Kelly's Save These:
Reading Girl | Wonderland | Breaking Heart
No Life Without Love | Congrats My Love

together...me and true.

today was a day. a really really good day.

we've been taking several practice runs out and about with True since arriving home from the hospital exactly three weeks ago. at first we stayed close to home - lots of walks as we tried out the various carriers. we've got the moby (my fave), the ergo (john's fave) and we've recently discovered slings (which might become both our faves). we do have a stroller but we haven't used it once!

the walks are getting longer. i'm getting stronger. and now we're venturing farther away from home and getting more brave. we're not just leaving the house when it's guaranteed he'll be sleeping, but rather we're going out for breakfast, running errands, etc etc even when we know he'll need to be held, soothed, fed.



today was a day of energy. of physical healing marked by a very long walk alongside the crisp of autumn. of conversation between john and i that reminded me of how and why we fell in love. of baby True gracing us with ease for many many hours. of one very yummy vanilla lemondrop (hard to believe it's been 10 months since my last one). of confidence. of letting go (it continues).

i'm still having a few moments here and there of pure terror. moments where i'm frozen inside the who am i, what am i doing, am i going to be okay gremlins. but the laughter and the silly are making a comeback. one of my favorite things to do is to watch john dance with true in the dining room. or when the two of us dance in the living room. or talking baby talk to our precious baby. or making up hilarious lyrics to the melodies we know so well but can't remember the words to. i'm also really surprised at my baby talk. turns out i can baby talk til the cows come home. and true loves it.

we are taking a MILLION photos and videos. we're texting these images to our family and friends to the point of annoyance, i'm sure. we're staring at True and wondering how crazy it is that he is growing so fast. we lovingly call him "chub chub" and we say it really fast so that it's even funnier to say - because he is chubby. because he eats and eats and eats, vigorously. it's so freakin adorable.



inside all of this, i am tending to my soul and to my body. i'm calling it radical self care. i'm taking all the help that is being offered. i'm having tender conversations with anybody that will listen. i'm giving my broken pieces that exist in this journey a real voice and trusting my friends and family with my vulnerability. i've never felt so wide open. so loved. so loving.

feeling so changed by it all, i feel like a new person finding her way around in a new world. like a baby. like baby True and i are together in this strange land where we explore, where we get all kinds of love and nurture, where we cry but then get soothed, where we learn to trust, where we let the world around us hold us and where we let each other fall into the other, like a dance of two spirits finding their way together in a world that is waiting. waiting and cheering and loving us so.

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ps: on the creative biz front, dani has restocked previously sold out magnets!!! go get em - they make awesome stocking stuffers if i do say so myself. speaking of stocking stuffers, all the product that we have in stock now is all that we're going to have for the holidays. so if you see something that might be a good gift, please get it now as we will not have any more inventory coming in before christmas. thank you! and i can hardly believe it's holiday season! love.

Weekly Sponsor Spotlights: The Word Cellar, Louise Gale, Gwennie B, Blue Muse + Experimental Art

Big thanks to my sponsors...I'm really enjoying these weekly sponsor spotlights where their creative talents and businesses are featured. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor (includes your ad on the sidebar + ongoing spotlights), please send me an email for further information! Now taking sign-ups for the holiday season (Dec) .
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"Lanterns offers a kind light to weary travelers wishing for companions on the journey toward a well-crafted soul. Stories, poems, and essays offer signposts and gentle guidance, reminding readers that resistance melts away in the company of those who believe in the path set before us. By illuminating the ways we can move outside of our interior reflections into a more inclusive whole, this lovely book provides a way into togetherness that will encourage and inspire anyone longing for authentic connection around their creative work." (Jen Lemen, artist, activist, dreamer)

Created and edited by Jennifer McGuiggan of The Word Cellar, Lanterns: A Gathering of Stories is a curated collection of prose, poetry, and photography by seven women (Darlene Kreutzer, Liz Lamoreux, Jen Lee, Rachelle Mee-Chapman, Lisa Ottman, Jena Strong, and Jennifer McGuiggan). This beautiful square gift book is handcrafted, professionally printed, and thoughtfully created, making it the perfect gift for your girlfriends, your daughters, your mothers, yourself. It is a gift of hope, inspiration, and the reminder that creativity and community walk alongside each other, hand in hand, a string of lanterns lighting the way. Lanterns is a celebration, an encouragement, an invitation. (A portion of the proceeds benefits Girls Write Now.)

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Want to receive some lovely handmade holiday ornaments for a special Holiday Ornament Swap?

Louise Gale from "Dream, Inspire, Create" is bringing back the hugely popular Creative Color Challenge for a special Ornament Swap for the holidays. She's inviting everyone to join in here. All you have to do is follow her instructions to sign up and then create 4 wonderful handmade ornaments. 1 to keep yourself, 3 to send out into the world (this is open to all around the globe). Everyone will get to make and receive wonderful holiday ornaments to hang on your tree, your window or fireplace and post photos into the Color Challenge Flickr group. Wire, fabrics, paper, beads, cookies - you name it...you can create using any materials you wish, but wait, there is a color challenge involved, click here to get the scoop & sign up, before its posted on Louise's blog next week!

Follow Louise: Blog, Facebook, Twitter

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If you stop by Gwynnie B's seaside studio you'll find a delightful mess of color and beads and paint and 4 crazy animals helping out. The dogs, Lucy and Louie, offer suggestions with a wag of their tails, while the 2 cats, Fatso Skinny and Bleu Kitty offer purrs with the occasional nudge to get attention. It's a happy studio filled with lots of sunlight and music, which makes for an atmosphere full of inspiration. Please stop by Gwynnie's website or the new Etsy shop to see whimsical jewelry and unique gifts, and the blog Beautiful heART to find out what's new in the Gwynnie B studio.

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Blue Muse Jewelry is a collaboration between two sisters, Kelly Letky and Conni Bills, who, for the past five years, have used their love of handmade jewelry as a way to bond and spend lots of time together. Their favorite material is precious metal clay, and they also work with artisan glass and semi-precious stones. Creating unique, one-of-a-kind pieces is their way of adding a little beauty to life, everyday. Visit their etsy shop to see more of their work, and Kelly's blog for updates, imagery, and writing on life, art, and working as a graphic/jewelry designer.
************************************************* **************************************** Do you want to find the natural artist in you? Amelia Critchlow's e-course, Experimental Art, explores a variety of art techniques - including collage and photography - in experimental ways whilst having fun with an on-line community, sharing and discussing ideas and work produced. This 6 week course is for busy people who want to take their creative inclinations to the first step, or people already practicing their art and want to try something new, getting some fresh inspiration, all from the comfort of home. The 6 week course costs £60 ($95 based on current exchange rates) and includes an extensive look at a variety of artists, with lots of pdfs, web, and book resources, as well as individual feedback from Amelia - a qualified tutor and practicing artist in the UK. The next 6 week experimental art e-course (Winter 2011) is scheduled for Monday 10th January 2011 and due to popularity and feedback, the course will be going up to £75 in 2011. However, an early bird offer is in place for people who sign up from now until December 1st 2010 - you will still get your spot for £60. So for those who've been thinking of doing the course, sign up before Dec 1st! See here. Be sure to check out Amelia's website where you can find her gallery, blog, and more. For testimonials about the course, see here.

what a gift.

everything feels precious in ways that feel intensely grateful, and free, and happy and even a little like a longing, like a bittersweet longing. whenever he looks at me, precious. whenever sleep arrives, precious. whenever feelings are spilled in honest tears, precious. whenever john hugs me, precious. home cooked meals. precious. a walk in the sunshine. precious. a baby poo after hours of waiting for it. seriously precious.

life feels so tender these days in ways that make me love every moment more than before. there is a gratitude that is orbiting my heart at all times for these moments of precious, though i'll admit that i have to intentionally concentrate on letting go in order to see them at times. i'm getting there. the letting go is turning out to be the hardest part of this early journey. i'm a bit tightly wound up, anxious, eager, worried. meanwhile, john is relaxed and more confident - modeling for me the idea that i can let go of the intensity, that i can have a bit more fun, that i can be un-serious. i'm working on it :)

baby true is three weeks old. week one felt like we were living on adrenaline, not yet awake to all that had happened. week two felt extremely wobbly, tearful, intensely intense like no other intensity i've ever felt - it was a week of navigating everything new and raw. week three has felt like breath, like maybe a little confidence is finding its way to my heart. baby true seems to be finding his groove too - sleeping more regularly, responding more to soothing, and soaking it all in with a deeper and deeper alertness.

there was a moment at the end of week two when he looked at me as if for the first time directly in the eyes. he just stared at me for a few long seconds as if he was saying "oh hello, mama, there you are. i see you!" and i was all tears and a hot mess over the sweetness.



i have learned so much these last three weeks. about the human heart. about letting it all release. about telling the truth, even if you think it will disappoint. about love so wide and big. about generosity. about giving. about the strength of my little family. about the vulnerability of loving more than ever before. about how one little love of a life can turn everything upside down and sideways in order to show you who you are possibly meant to be and what really matters and who really matters.

what a gift.

ps-maternity leave is a serious gift, too. i've been getting up everyday and taking a shower. doing my hair. putting on makeup. asking for help. being with true. being with john. taking naps and lots of bubble baths. not working at all (or VERY little). watching football and dvr'd oprah. writing (both here and elsewhere) which feels like therapy. all of the big transitions of the year and all the movement we've had this year have come to a close. we are resting and nesting and finding our beautiful.

lovely true words from friend nina

many of you know my friend nina already - she's the woman behind the poetry of
she reached out to me recently with a lovely story of finding and declaring her own true this year. i asked if she would write a bit more and below are her words (and photos) that i'm so grateful for. also - notice the heart rocks. nina has inspired many many people, including myself, to search for heart rocks. i love this about her. and now i never ever go to the ocean shore without searching for them.


I've spent the past couple of weeks thinking all day of sweet Kelly Rae, thinking of her from across the country as she settles in to her new home, her new life in anticipation of her little boy barreling into her world. I was in Portland just after True was born, and was tempted, o! so tempted, to look up her house address and quietly drive by to see if a bow had been hung on her mailbox or front door. It's a good thing I didn't have my own car, it is a good thing that my days were full of teaching from morning 'til night; I would have found it difficult, otherwise, to keep from hopping out of the car and sprinting up her porch steps with a riotous bunch of fresh flowers and a citrus-scented cake for tea in hand.
I remember those early chaotic days of new motherhood – the sleepless nights, the tendency to shift directly from elation to weepy despair within a moment's breath – the hunger for adult conversation, balanced on the fine opposite end of the spectrum with a craving for peace, for quiet solitude. For a space to take a deep breath. For focus, for sanity. But goodness, new motherhood – such a beautiful time it truly is. I remember the way that the clock beside our ancient wooden bed glowed saint-like in the middle of the night, the way the hours radiated themselves into all that sleepy autumn dark. I remember the smell of our new baby boy's neck, the way that it wrinkled in back just like the neck of a very fat and bald old man. Precious were those moments when Robin looked deep into my eyes while nursing and it was just the two of us holding warm and close in our own little world, just the two of us peering into one another's heart and soul, sharing purest, unfiltered love. It wasn't that long ago; it was twenty five years that evaporated, poof! just like that. It wasn't long ago, it's been a lifetime ever since.

When I read what John and Kelly Rae had decided to name their little boy, I recalled some words I'd written back on the first day of this year. It was in the deepest heart of winter, when days were their quietest, when outside colors were simple and stark, when mornings balanced evenly with evenings that fell quietly, early and fast. I had thought long and hard about what to choose for a word for this year – so many choices! So many words – and finally came up with True: "Last week, after hearing how I had hightailed it back home from Alabama on Christmas Eve, a wise friend and mentor wrote and said that perhaps I should name my home "True North", for all the comfort that these four walls bring to me. I think that she is right, and after reading her words, I pulled out a lovely old compass that a student had given to me back in early April, a gift that was lost in travel for many months until i found it a few days ago. I've pondered these words, the true and the north, and have decided as well that my word for this year shall be "true". It is a simple word, four short letters that rhyme with you, with blue, with new. My mantra has always been the words of Shakespeare, "to thine own self be true", even when I've felt selfish or overly focused on myself while dealing with those who surround me. But truer words have never been spoken, and I will wear these words deep in my heart, will honor this word of truth from here on out. It is my beautiful word, this is so very true." And now it is the name of a beautiful little boy, who has come out of everywhere into here, to show his mother and father a lovely thing about life, or two.
I want to share with the parents of True all the countless stories, all the things my two sons have taught me along the way; but who am I to tell them these tales, when they have their own wise little teacher showing them everything he knows, when they have that deep old soul named True to guide them along the path that is theirs, and only theirs? I want to tell them that each moment is a gift – that the exhaustion has its own beauty, its own holiness that will reveal itself with time. I want to tell them all of the wonderful ways that we, Robin's dad and I, came into ourselves more and more and more with parenthood, that we gained depth and breadth and with all of that, we gained wisdom that has made us richer and richer with every passing year. Robin became a big brother when he was two months shy of two years; he scrambled up onto that hospital bed the late summer day that Roy was born, all blonde ringlets and dimpled elbows and knees, and went straight to Roy's tiny star hands, stroking them and pointing with his own chubby fingers, sounding like the little bird for which he was named, chirping "Bebe's hands! Bebe's hands! Bebe's hands!" over and over and over again. My little bird. My big Robin. Such a big man now, staking out new territory in the high rugged mountains of Colorado, while his little not-so-little brother Roy walks the waves of the Carolina coast. Still they are my beloved boys, big or small; still, I have the thumbnail-sized heart rocks that they began finding and giving to me when they were five and three; they find them on beaches, on trails at their feet, they pick them up, they pocket them, they send them to me still. We are a tiny family now, these two boys and I; we are so fiercely close from far away that it hurts sometimes to breathe, I love them so. I write this, and I sigh. We know this love, we mothers, all. We know the way it aches and tugs at our hearts, the feeling it makes when it radiates from out of our chests and into the room, where love is everything. It is everything, and this is the love song I wanted to share with Kelly Rae and John, the song about love and truth and life, the song that shall be called Baby Blue. Baby Blue, we sing for thee. For thee, we gather and sing. xo