Annette Mori's Blog, page 15

March 25, 2022

Cyclists Rule

In case any of you missed this little news story…apparently, a cyclist pissed off the MAGA truck convoy by taking his sweet old time in front of the convoy, holding the dicknobs to a crawl. And then later in the week, the story broke about how they were crying about the traffic being so bad (you know the traffic they voluntarily entered in an effort to clog the traffic and make a point…) many could not get to a restroom and pissed their tight whiteys. Oh…boo hoo.

What I want to know is why none of them thought this through. Honestly, it took me like two seconds to find a portable pee bag. The Groee Urine Bag. No shit, I am not kidding…see picture below. But, no the whiney little MAGA boys weren’t prepared for the traffic, the individuals who were decidedly unsupportive of their political theater, the clever cyclist, the fact that what they were protesting was no longer relevant, or their full bladders after that thirty-two-ounce Big Gulp (or whatever the hell they are calling it nowadays).

So…inquiring minds like mine started thinking about what do the truckers do when they do get a chance to stop. Did they think to bring an extra pair of drawers? Do they head home and rush into the bathroom holding off a kiss from their spouse…

“Hang on honey, I feel really gross after a long day fucking up traffic. I think, I’ll take a quick shower.”

Spouse wrinkles their nose, “Is that pee I smell?”

“Yeah, fucking snowflake liberals made me pee my pants.”

Spouse tilts head and asks, “How did they do that…never mind. Take your shower.”

Now if the spouse didn’t silently add, “Idiot” after “take your shower,” I’ll chomp on my ballcap.

Of course, this has nothing to do with books, but it was too good of a story not to comment on. As an avid cyclist myself, I do weave cycling into a few of my books. So I suppose, there is your tie-in! Want to read about the characters and their cycling adventures, you know the drill, just click one of the links below.

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Published on March 25, 2022 09:12

March 18, 2022

Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay…

And…let me add, queer, queer, queer, queer, queer, queer, queer, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, dyke, dyke, dyke, dyke, dyke, dyke, dyke. Of course, you all know what I’m talking about…the assinine law Desantis, the dicknob, is about to sign, not so affectionately titled the “Don’t Say Gay” bill.

To be fair, the bill doesn’t actually have that specific language that you can’t say the word gay, lesbian queer, or dyke. No, it is much more nefarious than that because the language is so vague that the effect will scare the shit out of teachers so dramatically that it will send every single queer person back in that stuffy, dark closet. And make it so easy for the bullies to latch on and have their heyday. Here’s the specific language: “Classroom instruction by school personnel or third parties on sexual orientation or gender identity may not occur in kindergarten through grade 3 or in a manner that is not age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate for students in accordance with state standards.” Nowhere does it define classroom instruction, age-appropriate, or developmentally appropriate.

Here’s how the law might play out…a child of seven is in the front of the class talking about her summer vacation, and they innocently mention going to Disney World with their two moms. This prompts a question, also innocently, from a little boy who doesn’t understand why the child has two moms. He’s always been told the only correct family is one with a mom and a dad. Two moms or two dads are an abomination. Of course, the asshole father or mother who taught the little boy, will not have any problem with the teacher confirming their view of the world, even if it touches on sexual orientation. So, how does the teacher answer? Who the fuck knows. If she affirms the child by saying there are all kinds of different families, you can be sure some homophobic asswipe will bring suit.

Be afraid, folks. Be very afraid. Besides this asinine law, new laws are being proposed or courts siding with anti-LGBTQ+ behavior. For example, in Virginia, the state Supreme Court upheld reinstating a teacher who refused to use the correct pronouns, touting free speech and religious convictions. Call me stupid, but how damn hard is it to use she/her, he/him, or they/them when requested? People have been asking people their preferences for names for years. Anytime I did an interview, I would always ask, do you prefer Victoria or Vicky. It matters to people, and it shows respect. Oops, sorry, Governor Desantis, I forgot to ask if you preferred dick or dicknob. My bad. Also, can any religious fanatic show me in their bible or Koran or whatever they use to defend their ignorance where it says, Thou Shall Not Use Preferred Pronouns? I’ll eat my condo if anyone can point me to a passage where there is anything remotely written about nonbinary or transgender individuals and what we should or should not call them.

I’m so hopping mad at the madness happening across this country that I am vowing to take any royalties I get for this next quarter for my most recent books, Disconnected, The Others and the re-release of Artist Free Zone, and put them into one of the suggested organizations that have a fighting chance of overturning any or all of these nefarious and just plain mean laws. Want to help in my political quest to undo wrongs, you know the drill, just click on the links below!

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Published on March 18, 2022 08:06

March 11, 2022

Allergic to Sex?

This week, it was a toss between making fun of the ridiculous Don’t Say Gay bill that will become law very soon in Florida and talking about the real-life conditions called Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity Syndrome (sperm allergy) and Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS). I need to thank Tammy Boughter for sharing an article with me on the first one. Of course, I had to do more research to find out if there was a vaginal secretion equivalent and found the second one, POIS (thank goodness technically there isn’t).

Here is a link to the article Tammy shared with me: https://nypost.com/2022/02/16/im-allergic-to-sex-college-student-reveals-rare-condition/ The poor woman definitely did not have a good first experience…or second…or third. Well, get the point. Imagine having redness, swelling, pain, itching, and a burning sensation in the vay jay jay? Her first thought was that she might have an STD. And, oral sex was just as bad for her so that wasn’t a solution. Thankfully, the condition is rare. Those poor straight women. Men aren’t off the hook either because POIS is a condition that causes men to have flu like symptoms after they ejaculate. Talk about playing with your young Catholic head and getting sick every time you orgasm!

Now, of course, the reason I had to do research is that I wanted to be accurate with my advice to the poor woman that she should just start having sex with women (unfortunately the same advice does not apply to men with POIS). Problem solved. But I had to make sure that lesbians or women loving women didn’t have an equivalent condition to deal with. We don’t! Well, technically we don’t. Let me clarify. If your vagina is healthy and within the normal pH levels, you have nothing to worry about. Go for it ladies…tongue, fingers, have at it with your partner’s intimate bits. See previous blogs about healthy vaginas: https://wordpress.com/post/annettemoriauthor.com/8912

The moral of the story…lesbians or women sexually loving women are most certainly the chosen ones! If one believes in a higher power, he or she saw fit not to make sex harder for us! As with most of these titillating bits of information, I will undoubtedly find a way to incorporate this into a book. Want to see how I’ve done that with other stuff, you know the drill, just click on one of the links below. Oh, and FYI, Affinity republished my very personal novel, Artist Free Zone (previously published as a charity book) at the low, low, price of 2.99. It’s available at all the same places as my other books.

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Published on March 11, 2022 07:58

March 4, 2022

My Slow, Old, Brain…

Nothing is more exciting yet petrifying as receiving a brand new, smokin’ fast laptop. It’s a good news/bad news thing. Of course, it is faster, lighter, more transportable with additional bells and whistles, but it is change. Learning updated programs, like Word and Excel 2021 after working with 2016 for many years, is not that hard. On the other hand, Adobe Photoshop Elements 2021 is super intimidating. Then there is the double-edged sword of automatic backups to one drive. While I am jumping for joy at the autosave function in Microsoft Word (after giving Scrivener the good old college try and finding it not to my liking as much as writing in Word), the new autosave and backup functions are essential. I’ve lost so many passages when Word froze up on my old computer. However, my new computer backups everything to Onedrive. Thus when I loaded my pictures, videos, and old files from my old laptop, Onedrive quickly filled up and prompted me to buy more space for the drive. Since I only need to backup my manuscripts, it’s super annoying to find out how to set the preferences to this (if that is even possible). This is where the slow, old brain part comes in.

I would have had the new laptop set up and essential files and programs transferred in a couple of hours in my youth. Instead, I blew my entire day trying to accomplish this and still have many more hours of work to get my new laptop configured exactly the way I want. I may have to open a chat with Dell and get some technical support! Google has not been my friend!

The good news is that since I have this expensive new toy, I simply have to continue writing. I mean, it would be such a waste not to, right? So, in anticipation of my new laptop, I started a new manuscript titled Undercover Love (current working title-it may change). I’m only four thousand words into the new book, and like every other new book I start, I am second-guessing whether it will be any good. I suppose time will tell. Usually, I get there with most novels, but there are a few I still have questions about. If you want to check out my earlier works, feel free to click the links below. Most eventually passed muster with me!

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Published on March 04, 2022 08:17

February 25, 2022

Thank the Goddess for My Wife

I read an absolutely fantastic line in Monica McClallan’s book, Cuffing. Here it is (and I am sincerely hoping Ms. McClallan takes this as a compliment that I would love this passage so much to share in my blog!) “Being single is all fun and games until there’s no one to kill the spiders.” “Maybe that’s the truth of what we all want: someone to kill the spiders.” This got me thinking about a recent fire drill we experienced as we had to get papers signed to sell my father’s house.

Here’s the story and the reason I thank the heavens for my wife’s skillset with strangers…While in Mexico, I got a call from my sister and brother-in-law. They needed my signature on papers, and it needed to be notarized with two witnesses and arrive in Florida no later than Friday. We live in Washington state. It was Tuesday night, and we were due to leave Mexico on Wednesday. We would be traveling all day on Wednesday and did not get home until early Thursday morning (just past 12:30a). The escrow woman emailed the documents, and I was up until nearly 2:00a getting my printer to work because the nozzle needed cleaning several times. My wife and I got up early Thursday morning to head to our bank, thinking we could ask the other bank employees to be our witness (Jody could not be one of the witnesses because she is an interested party as my wife). When we arrived at the bank, getting a notary was no problem…the witnesses…big problem. None of the bank employees could witness, nor could the notary (apparently, it is legal in Florida, but not Washington). I had already begged my wife to come into the bank with me because she is the one who goes there all the time and actually interacts with people. I was hoping she would be the one to ask about the bank employees being my witnesses. At this point, I am panicking. There is no way in f$%king hell I have the ability to request two strangers to be witnesses. I probably border or social anxiety disorder, if not definitely have it. In the short time, we were in Mexico, my wife struck up a friendship with three different couples. I, on the other hand, struggle to meet the neighbors. My wife struts out into the cold and comes back with two witnesses. She did her magic. My Shero. Coincidentally, she is the one who kills the spiders or finds them a new home.

We all have different skillsets. My wife can chat with anyone. Me, not so much. I do okay after she’s made friends or after I’ve conversed with someone via social media, but I will never be the one to make the first move. The solitary tasks, like doing our taxes, ordering items from Amazon, I’m your gal. Reaching out to others. Nope. Sending my steak back because it wasn’t cooked right, even if I ate steak…nope…never going to happen. A waiter could set a plate of poo in front of me, and after asking how my meal was, I’d say, “fine.” The point of this blog, if there is one, is that opposites can work. In fact, we complement one another. Even if there is conflict resulting from being so different, embracing and celebrating those differences is what it is about in a relationship.

I believe I tend to write about opposites, probably because that is what I know. I also think that is why ice queen meets soft and tender is so popular. We like to read about couples complimenting one another. If you want to read about my couples who complement one another, you know the drill; just click the links below.

This has got me thinking that I don’t believe I’ve read a scene in a book that prominently features a bidet, so if I get the writing bug again…I will most certainly include one. The possibilities are endless. In the meantime, if you want to check out all the interesting little scenes I try to add to my books, you know the drill. Just click one of the links below.

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Published on February 25, 2022 07:56

February 18, 2022

Basking in the Bidet

Some of you may have read my posts on the bidet in our suite in Cancun. To be fair, it is not the first time we’ve had a bidet, but it is the first time I’ve requested assistance on how to use it. I’d always wanted to try one, but for whatever reason, I never have. Thanks to the oh so helpful Facebook friends, including K’Anne Meinel, who sent step-by-step instructions on using a bidet, I finally gave the thing a shot. Oh, my glorious god…I want one for our condo. I loved it and haven’t even taken the suggestions yet on incorporating it into sexy time. I can’t believe I’ve waited so long to try a bidet. The first time I ever saw one was when I was backpacking in Europe at 19. I wasn’t brave enough to try it then, which is a damn pity. I don’t really even know why I had to give it a go (no pun intended) now, but I am sold.

I’ve now searched the internet to see how I can purchase a kit to turn my boring old toilet in our condo into a combination toilet/bidet. Yup, there are kits out there, and I can’t wait to get mine, do the butch thing, and install it. I got my eye on the Tushy Spa 3.0…but I am open to suggestions. On the other hand, my wife is not too jazzed about me installing it on my own. She doesn’t exactly trust the site that claims the install takes a mere ten minutes. I believe she said something like, “You are not going to install that on your own.” That is precisely what I plan to do. It looks super easy to me! Plus, bonus, I get to break out my toolbag. Absolutely one of my favorite things to do! Of course, my assessment of my skills is something entirely different from my wife’s. Although, a male friend of ours kept telling me he was duly impressed that I was the one who replaced our propane regulator in our RV. Yeah, I was pretty proud of myself for that, too.

To be fair, I once tried to install a ceiling fan in my house, and because I couldn’t reach the ceiling, I put a chair on the kitchen counter. Disaster ensued, and I fell, hurting my tailbone. This happened early in our relationship, and I don’t think my wife has forgotten that mishap. In my defense, the fan was really heavy. I absolutely knew how to install it because I’d installed one before. I just didn’t have the upper body strength anymore. We hired someone to install our ceiling fans in our condo, but I could have done it with a little help (that I was definitely not going to get from my wife).

This has got me thinking that I don’t believe I’ve read a scene in a book that prominently features a bidet, so if I get the writing bug again…I will most certainly include one. The possibilities are endless. In the meantime, if you want to check out all the interesting little scenes I try to add to my books, you know the drill. Just click one of the links below.

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Published on February 18, 2022 03:06

February 11, 2022

Wordle of the Day…Moist

Last week the word moist came up again on a Facebook post, and it got me to wonder why there is such a visceral reaction to this word. I mean, come on…it’s just a word. And not even a word that would legitimately generate such a reaction. Certainly, some words justifiably should not be used because of their hateful derogatory nature. It isn’t even profanity, much less the worst of the worst profanity. I am old enough to remember when f@$k was considered so taboo. Now, it’s used so often no one even blinks an eye.

So…apparently after checking many of my books, I am not necessarily a fan of the word moist, but I do like the word moisture. I wonder if that word also creates a negative vibe. Obviously it is a derivative of the dreaded word. I’ll bet it does. Especially to the hard core haters of the word moist. Just for clarification, I do know that the word moist is only cringe worthy in a sex scene. It seems to be perfectly acceptable as a descriptor for weather. Jokingly, I threatened to do another desensitizing week and prominently feature this dreaded word. Instead, I decided to try to find a passage in my latest book, where I could change a synonym or two to the word moist … just to see how it would sound. Unfortunately, I could not find a single…wet, slick, dewy, damp, clammy…well…you get the idea. The closest I came to it was a verb that I could replace.

As my breathing increased, her lips finally found their way to my breasts. She discovered quickly how ultra-sensitive they were, moistening and nipping them as an almost guttural sound escaped from my throat. (Yup, does not really have the same impact as licking)

I went to my next most recent release, The Others and found a treasure trove (yes ironically I know this is another cringe worthy descriptor of lady parts) of passages. Granted, once again I had to look for the verb lick which is not technically a synonym to find the majority of passages. Thank the Goddesses that lick is not a word that sends Facebook into a tailspin because I really love that word. I suppose if I wait long enough, folks will call out lick, too.

For an ex-model, with her height, she could transform from every man and woman’s moist dream to an Amazon warrior in a matter of seconds.

Forget the saying: I moistened it, so it’s mine. I like this place, so I’m going to declare: our juices christened it, it’s ours.”

I ran my hands over Em’s body and then climbed on top to kiss and moisten my way down to her center.

I would swear it was the most satisfying orgasm of my entire life, until the next time she would kiss and moisten her way down my body.

“You know I can’t control myself when you moisten me like that.”

If you want to check for yourself how often I use any derivative of moist, feel free to click the links below and check out my books, I didn’t research them all! I am sure I’ve probably used the word, especially in earlier books. Hopefully you will consider giving a little lve to Disconnected because she really needs it!

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Published on February 11, 2022 04:30

February 3, 2022

And The Bizarre Continues

I don’t like to use the term crazy or nuts or any other derogatory word that is disrespectful to any person struggling with mental health issues…thus, my title that instead calls out bizarre behavior from the right. Have you heard the latest? As if banning books and attacking M&Ms wasn’t absolutely bonkers enough. (Hopefully, bonkers is not another disrespectful term)

I kid you not…now there is a story gaining momentum where the politicians are claiming that our kiddos are becoming “furries” and somehow the school districts are making federally-mandated accommodations…like as in setting aside bathrooms for kids identifying as cats. Seriously people? Two real life examples of just how far people took this:

Last month, a Michigan school superintendent was forced to send a message to parents to debunk a rumor that the high school had installed litter boxes to accommodate “furry” students. Michelle Evans, a Republican candidate for the Texas state legislature, tweeted that “Cafeteria tables are being lowered in certain @RoundRockISD middle and high schools to allow ‘furries’ to more easily eat without utensils or their hands (ie, like a dog eats from a bowl).”

Now…I am not a “furry” no judgment to those who might be into that, but even if I was, there is no way I would squat over a litter box to take a dump…definitely a bridge too far!

Forever Home: Sequel to The Bee Charmer by [Ali Spooner]

I am not sure when reality or logic will come back to our country, but in the meantime, y’all can click on one of the links below to shut out the bizarre with a good book or find a few adorable furry critters to love on that really do need their litter box (and they aren’t in school). You can also feel free to give some love to my girl Ali who recently released her new book Forever Home, a sequel to the Bee Charmer. Cause darn it…both of us could use the love!

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Published on February 03, 2022 08:15

January 28, 2022

Mmm M&Ms…

I love M&Ms. But, now, I love them even more. In case you haven’t been following this riveting (sarcasm) new controversy…M&Ms are launching a new inclusive branding campaign and it’s caused Tucker Carlson’s tighty whities to bunch so hard up his ass that he’s constipated and in pain. And…anything that pisses Tucker Carlson off is okay in my book (next week we’ll talk about the ice cream debacle). But honestly…like the kerfuffle with the Dr. Suess books, this newest rant could not be more ridiculous. Apparently, a shit ton of people have nothing better to do than dig into this controversy and make jokes on the internet. Yup…I do recognize the irony of writing a blog on this…but come on it was just too tempting to avoid.

Just to show the absolute idiocy of his comments…I have to share them. “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity. They won,” Tucker said. In reference to the Orange M&M he states, “Maybe he doesn’t like all the ugly new shoes he sees around him. Maybe he liked the sexy boots. Maybe the orange M&M is a secret sexist himself.” And finally, he laments about the new M&M cartoon (yes cartoon) characters are less sexy. Honestly, you can’t make this shit up….maybe Tucker wanted to date one and now, well, marriage aside, he can’t see himself with a nonbinary cartoon.

When I start getting depressed about how far our country is turning to the radical right, I just have to remember these fun little stories to cheer me up. Oh, and toss a handful of those nonbinary M&Ms into my mouth. Yummy! Just think of all the new WLW jokes we can now write about eating these more inclusive M&Ms! Yup, I am not above including something in a future book. I have no shame. Want to check out what outrageous shit I put into my books, you know the drill, just click the links below!

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Published on January 28, 2022 07:42

January 21, 2022

Capitalism is alive and well…

Only the USA would capitalize on a worldwide pandemic. The old supply and demand economic theory is alive and well. This last week my wife and I have been in a mini panic looking for a place to get a COVID test before we head to the Brandi Carlile, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Weekend. We thought we had a plan. While we had to travel maybe two hours to a location, the Walgreens we planned on going to is no longer offering rapid result tests. A PCR is not an option because we have to get a test no more than 48 hours before arriving in Mexico. Google is our friend…so we went on a search. Most of the places were only offering to test people who have been exposed or are exhibiting symptoms. None of those scenarios fit, and neither my wife nor I were comfortable telling a lie. We kept expanding our search…

Finally, we found a place that will perform a rapid test for a mere $190 a pop…Yup, nearly $200 for a COVID test. And…the place is at least a four-hour drive over a snowy pass. Now…compare that with Mexico which offers tests at the airport for $17.00. I know this because they had the wrong birthdate on my COVID test last year and had to scramble to get a last-minute test at the airport. I am thankful for the fact that we can get a test and we have the resources to pay for it, but I get concerned about those who aren’t as fortunate as we are. Sure, COVID tests are not necessary for survival, but there are many examples of how price gouging happens during times of crisis and that is deplorable to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge people making lemonade out of lemons. Nor am I fundamentally opposed to Capitalism, but it does seem like there are times when people seriously take advantage of national or world crisises, and that is just wrong to me. Is it so horrible to adopt a more community-minded view of the world? Here is a wonderful example: Last year Kris Bryant read on a Facebook post how we weren’t able to get toilet paper and were dangerously close to having to wipe our asses with whatever we could get our hands on. And, guess what? She sent me a case of toilet paper.

So…what the hell does this have to do with writing? Not a damn thing…so thanks for letting me vent on something so inconsequential. But, while I have your attention (if I really do), I have a new book out that I hope you will check out! Disconnected went live on January 15th and is slowly starting to get reviews (good ones so far). I need all the love I can get on this one which seems to be rather sluggish out of the gate. Simply click one of the links below to get your copy!

Amazon US      Amazon UK      Amazon Australia      Amazon Canada      Amazon Germany

Amazon US      Amazon UK      Amazon Australia      Amazon Canada      Amazon Germany

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Amazon US Amazon UK

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Amazon US      Amazon UK      Amazon Australia      Amazon Canada      Amazon Germany

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   Available on Kindle Unlimited

Love Forever Live ForeverArtist Free ZoneThe Thanksgiving Baby CaperThe Book AddictThe Book WitchCompound Interest – Lesfic Bard Action/Adventure FinalistInspiration Takes a VacationDonner Junior Saves the Day

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Amazon Author Page

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Published on January 21, 2022 07:32