Sheritta Bitikofer's Blog

Bewitching Brews Goes Wide!

You can now read about your favorite three witches from Goldcrest Cove ANYWHERE! (Not just Amazon) Check out the links below to see if it’s available through your preferred ebook retailer!

Bewitching Fire (Book 1)

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Krystal Hayden, a witch and co-owner of the Perfect Books and Brews coffee shop with her two best friends who are also witches, prides herself on being the steadying force amongst her friends. She always has an answer, keeps her cool, and never lets a little stress get to her. But one day, she has the pleasure of meeting the new cop in town, Devin Daniels who is a transfer from the Boston police department. He’s hot, enchanting, and they seem to be cut from the same cloth. She gives in to this feeling, thinking that a little fling wouldn’t hurt anyone. Little does she know, they’re Twin Flames.
Krystal’s dark elemental magic emerges and whenever things get too hot and heavy between her and the hunky cop, the fire just isn’t in their eyes. Devin’s got his own problems when a pattern of ritualistic murders start popping up in town, targeting the supposedly sinful characters of the community. Krystal and her friends endeavor to help Devin, but how much could magic possibly do when magic might have been the catalyst for the murders?

Bewitching Darkness (Book 2)

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All sorts of people walk through the doors of Perfect Books and Brews coffee shop, but the witch and co-owner Valerie Lloyd never expected to see a werewolf darken their doorway. The witch and werewolf, who happens to be a best selling author by the name of Caleb Lancaster, are completely repulsed by one another. Stubborn, brooding, and strong-willed, their personalities clash. Valerie, along with her witch friends in Goldcrest Cove are wary of the new arrival. Witches and werewolves are enemies within their supernatural world. All Caleb wants is an escape from his old pack and wants to give being a lone wolf a shot.
In a twist of fate, Valerie’s roommate ends up letting Caleb move in with them to help compensate for the raise in their rent. Forced together, Valerie begins to realize that Caleb may not be the mangy mutt she had believed werewolves to be. Likewise, Caleb begins to see that Alexa and her friends aren’t all evil, but he begins to question that when he learns that Valerie’s dark necromancy magic is beginning to wreak havoc on the town. As corpses begin to rise from their graves as if they had never been dead, the band must find a way to return them six feet under.

Bewitching Hearts (Book 3)

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Perfect Books and Brews has caught the eye of the witch council in charge of policing the magical world and they have dispatched a warlock enforcer, Wes Griffith, to investigate if the three witches have broken the cardinal rule of their order – never use their magic on non-magic folk. With his father on the council, he can’t afford to come back with an unfavorable or partial report.
Alexa Boyer, the coffee shop’s appointed accountant, knows that they need extra help for the holiday season, but the profits simply aren’t there. So, when a handsome and charming warlock comes to town in search of work and is willing to do it for cheap, she hires him on the spot, much to the disapproval of her two associates. The longer they work together, Alexa discovers that she’s not only grateful for Wes’s arrival, but she definitely enjoys watching him make lattes all day long. Being only a half-blooded witch, she thought her dark mind magic wouldn’t make an untimely appearance like it did for her friends. Neither did she ever think she would meet her Twin Flame. She couldn’t be more wrong when the community erupts in emotional mayhem with petty disagreements leading to assault and unrequited love blossoming into affairs. Wes is the first to notice and it casts the coffee shop in an unfavorable light.

Redemption Duet Goes Wide!

Yes, more “going wide” madness!

The Redemption Duet (The Rose and The Lion) is now up for preorder on your favorite non-Amazon ebook retail sites! Check them out today!

The Rose

Belle lives her life from day to day, nearly crippled by her social anxiety. But if you ask anyone in Levi about it, they’d say she’s a sweet, quiet girl who works hard to keep up her family’s small ranch while holding down a job at the bookstore. No one knows that beneath her smiles lay a shy introvert who wants nothing more than to stay at home. It was easier to stay alone, stay isolated. That’s when she was the happiest. But during one thunderstorm, all of that changed and she met the first man she ever actually wanted to spend time with. Leo made a habit of avoiding people when at all possible. Getting tied down, making friends, having a life only meant suffering. The darkness that followed him since his adolescent years never left, not really. It’d show up and ruin any hint of happiness that came his way. Running from his past and the brother that cursed him with this demon, Leo never expected to find something like home in the little country town of Levi. And he didn’t expect one storm to bring him to the barn of a girl with fire in her eyes and a face as beautiful as a sunrise. A sunrise that could chase away all the shadows.

The Lion

Belle Clearwater’s prayers had been answered, but there was still so much left to discover. Now determined to reject her mental illness, she’s decided to be brave and not let her anxiety disorder take her away from what matters. With the help of her friends and her faith, she’s sure that she can finally have her life back. Something greater is stirring in her heart and the man that had served as her solid ground might just send her world off kilter again. All it takes is one moment of honesty. Against every bit of common sense, Leo Thompsons has chosen to stay in Levi. The Darkness and his murderous brother are closing in, but he believed that as long as he has Belle, he can find a way to break the curse upon his soul. With the power of love and prayer, he’s finally fighting for his life and the chance to share that life with the beautiful farm girl. Fate brought them together, but is he strong enough to rebel against the forces of evil that have hounded him for so long? Can he, once and for all, defeat his demons?

Check out their Info Pages on the blog!

The Loup-Garou Series Goes Wide!

Yes! For the first time, the Loup-Garou Series is going wide. Like my other titles, I’m making them available through multiple ebook retailers, not exclusively KDP/Amazon.

Preorders are trickling in from your favorite ebook sites, so check out the links below! Official release for the entire series will be June 30th!

The Enigma (Book 1)

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A graveyard late at night wouldn’t seem like the ideal place to meet someone. But for teenager Katey McCoy, that encounter with the handsome stranger with the striking blue eyes would alter her life in ways she’d never imagined.

Orphaned as an infant, bounced around foster homes, labeled as a discipline problem, and now under the thumb of an abusive foster mother, Katey’s been slipping deeper into depression. Who would want a girl with such an ugly face, an imperfect body, or wild hair? But Logan Keith knows the truth about Katey: she’s beautiful. Her flaws are in her head. Besides, he has issues, too. And a secret that could tear apart their growing relationship.

Logan is a werewolf—a loup-garou—with his own troubled past and a flaw that’s considered a handicap in his world. A secret, supernatural world he soon introduces Katey to. Although Logan longs to make Katey part of his pack, it may be impossible for them to be together. In his pack’s history, there’s never been a female werewolf. No woman has been able to survive the transformation. Will Logan’s desire give Katey the escape to a better life and the love she’s always dreamed of, or will he be signing her death warrant?

Becoming the Enigma (Book 2)

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When high school student Katey McCoy accepted the offer of the boy she fell in love with, she knew her world would be changed forever. She just didn’t realize how profound—and dangerous—those changes would be. Logan Keith, her handsome schoolmate, is a werewolf—a loup-garou—and now, Katey is one as well, the first female to ever survive the transformation.

It doesn’t take long for Katey to understand she’s not the indestructible monster of myths and legends. Getting used to her strong, beautiful new body, her intense new senses, and her obligations to her new pack is hard work, but Katey’s determined to be the best. To her surprise, and sorrow, Katey’s transformation didn’t bring Logan closer as she’d hoped. Instead, he’s become standoffish, and at the same time, strangely possessive, especially when a rival loup-garou plans to claim Katey as his own.

Then they’re plunged into even greater danger. A new threat is determined to annihilate the werewolves. Will Logan be strong enough to confront his feelings for Katey? Or will an ancient prophecy rip them apart forever?

Beast Within (book 3)

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Becoming a loup-garou—a werewolf—is never easy. It’s especially hard if you’re still in high school, the first female to survive the transformation, and the embodiment of an ancient prophecy, expected to bring peace to warring factions. But Katey McCoy, even more stubborn and rebellious than she was as a human, has the comfort and support of her pack. Or so she thought, until she discovers they’ve been keeping secrets from her. At least she still has her mate, Logan Keith on her side. But Logan is fighting demons of his own. If he can’t learn to control the wolf within, how can he ever be a worthy alpha and mate to Katey?

Then the hunters come, assassins determined to exterminate the loup-garou. Her pack insists Katey stay hidden. Safe. But that’s not in her nature. Isn’t this what she was born for? To protect and aid the loups-garous? On the run and in a battle for their lives, Katey’s new world begins to crumble around her. With werewolves, vampires, and human hunters at war, and Logan distracted by his own battles, how can Katey activate her full potential and fulfill her ancient destiny?

Their world—and the lives of those they love—depend on them. If Katey and Logan are to withstand this final onslaught, they must each embrace their true powers and learn to control the beast within. If they can’t, no one may survive.

Precedents (Book 4)

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Katey never expected to marry so young. She also never expected to be pregnant, or the first female loup-garou—werewolf—to give birth in thousands of years. As the embodiment of a Spirit of Peace, Katey’s carrying more than just her precious babies. She’s also carrying the future of her race. Her husband is doing what he can to help, but he has his own troubles.

What does Logan Keith know about being a father? He’s never had a good example in his life. And babies cost a lot of money. Logan’s doing whatever it takes to support his family, even if his sometimes dangerous jobs ignite clashes with Katey.

Then Katey and Logan, along with their pack, are summoned to an ancient castle carved into the snowy mountains of Switzerland. The council is meeting for the first time since the great Arnathian civilization fell apart due to the feud between werewolves and vampires. Can these two races make peace after spending centuries at war with one another? Katey’s supposed to be a great figurehead for the proceedings, but what does she know about politics or negotiating peace? After an assassination attempt, one thing is clear. Someone is determined to unleash a great evil and make sure that Katey and her loup-garou family have no future at all.

The Enigma & Becoming the Enigma Second Editions!

Available NOW on Amazon, the second edition of The Enigma and Becoming the Enigma.

The “skeleton” of the story, so to speak, is still there, but I’ve added quite a few new scenes, taken out several others that slowed down the story, and revised some scenes from an alternate point of view. It was a labor of love, as much of my work is, and I hope readers who loved the original will enjoy this new adaptation, and that new readers will want to follow Katey and Logan through the rest of the Loup-Garou series after reading these first two books.

Check them out today on Amazon!

The Engima

A graveyard late at night wouldn’t seem like the ideal place to meet someone. But for teenager Katey McCoy, that encounter with the handsome stranger with the striking blue eyes would alter her life in ways she’d never imagined.

Orphaned as an infant, bounced around foster homes, labeled as a discipline problem, and now under the thumb of an abusive foster mother, Katey’s been slipping deeper into depression. Who would want a girl with such an ugly face, an imperfect body, or wild hair? But Logan Keith knows the truth about Katey: she’s beautiful. Her flaws are in her head. Besides, he has issues, too. And a secret that could tear apart their growing relationship.

Logan is a werewolf—a loup-garou—with his own troubled past and a flaw that’s considered a handicap in his world. A secret, supernatural world he soon introduces Katey to. Although Logan longs to make Katey part of his pack, it may be impossible for them to be together. In his pack’s history, there’s never been a female werewolf. No woman has been able to survive the transformation. Will Logan’s desire give Katey the escape to a better life and the love she’s always dreamed of, or will he be signing her death warrant?

Becoming the Enigma

When high school student Katey McCoy accepted the offer of the boy she fell in love with, she knew her world would be changed forever. She just didn’t realize how profound—and dangerous—those changes would be. Logan Keith, her handsome schoolmate, is a werewolf—a loup-garou—and now, Katey is one as well, the first female to ever survive the transformation.
It doesn’t take long for Katey to understand she’s not the indestructible monster of myths and legends. Getting used to her strong, beautiful new body, her intense new senses, and her obligations to her new pack is hard work, but Katey’s determined to be the best. To her surprise, and sorrow, Katey’s transformation didn’t bring Logan closer as she’d hoped. Instead, he’s become standoffish, and at the same time, strangely possessive, especially when a rival loup-garou plans to claim Katey as his own.
Then they’re plunged into even greater danger. A new threat is determined to annihilate the werewolves. Will Logan be strong enough to confront his feelings for Katey? Or will an ancient prophecy rip them apart forever?

Back in the Saddle

Wow, I hardly realized it’s been almost FIVE years since I last wrote a blog here. With Covid, some serious life shakeups and priorities tamping down any inclination to write (fiction), it’s been a while.

But, I’m back! So, let’s recap.

One major reason I dropped writing was because, I genuinely thought I was “done.” The last of the Legacy Series (The Nexus) was written, all audiobook projects were wrapped up, and honestly, I didn’t have that “spark” to pursue any other project. My day job as an accountant intern derailed my social life and hobbies for quite a while. Tax season ain’t no joke, y’all. I was working 50+ hours a week, when I was used to working less than 40. On top of that, I decided to finally complete my bachelor’s degree. I had started under a Creative Writing major with Full Sail University, but changed to American History when I transferred to American Public University. You have The Soldier to thank for that major decision. Studying the Civil War made me go pretty nuts for nineteenth-century American history. After I left my accounting job and began bookkeeping part-time, I diverted much of my energies into pursuing the public history field. I journeyed pretty far down that path. I began contributing regualar research pieces for Emerging Civil War, started my own blog, Belle on the Battlefield where I shared about my travels and studies, and even wrote a couple of magazine articles. I took a hard left (so to speak) into non-fiction writing and dropped fiction altogether. Honestly, I feel like it helped to “detox” my writing style. With all the research essays and blog posts, I feel as if I’ve improved as a writer in general. I finally earned my BA in American History last December (2023). Only took me 12 years!

My little library (it’s more full now)

In the meantime, my husband and I built our first home. It’s nice to finally have a place that is totally ours, and we did it just in time before the big interest rate increase in 2022. I finally got to design my own library and I LOVE it. I enjoy turning around and staring at my vast collection of Civil War reference books and dream of the day when I can actually read them all, haha.

On top of that, we had a baby! Welcome to Annabelle Clara Bitikofer. I’m a researcher at heart, but nothing could have prepared me for becoming a mom. It’s been rough. Annabelle doesn’t sleep well and since she was 2 months old, demands contact naps during the day. Having a baby has also taught me the limits of sleep deprivation and patience. It hasn’t been easy. She’s 10 months old now and just starting to become a little predictable… But the child changes her mind about which foods she likes and doesn’t like. I swear, she loved avocados last week, but now she throws a fit (and the food) if I try to give it to her again. I may complain, but she is truly loved. Her giggles when she pulls my hair and the big smile when we clap our hands together really makes all the crying and tantrums worth it. I can’t wait to share life with her… and for her to nap on her own.

Annabelle loves blueberries!

While I still love history, having a baby has seriously chained me to the house. Researching or writing anything that requires deep, uninterrupted thought, is almost out of the question. I can’t travel as easily as I used to, so new content for my travel blog is not coming any time soon. However, something I CAN do, is write stories on my phone while Annabelle sleeps in my lap. Really, the catalyst for returning to fiction writing came when I decided to start listening back to my old audiobooks. I had binge-watched so much Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Disney movies while Annabelle slept and I needed something else to occupy my restless mind. Back in February, I started listening to The Legend, narrated by Jay Lindenwood, and I found myself drowning in the world of my loups-garous again. I missed my characters and the joy that writing fiction brought me. I went from The Legacy Series to The Loup-Garou Series (narrated by Katherine Billings), and to some of my other standalone titles (narrated by John Fehskens), and I decided I needed to come back to writing.

There was a LOT of back and forth between myself and my husband, because I knew just how obsessive I could get about writing. It had caused some friction in the past and I didn’t want to go down that road again without his support and approval. He knew I was struggling to find myself again as a mom (that shit can seriously steal your sense of self) and we agreed he would keep me accountable.

First order of business was to rewrite The Enigma and Becoming the Enigma. Katey and Logan deserved to have their stories told much better. So, in the course of a couple of months, I rewrote a decent chunk of these two books. The Enigma probably had about 80% rewrites, while Becoming the Enigma only has maybe 30-40% rewrites. Many of the rewrites involved new scenes from Logan or the pack’s POV, or reimagining existing scenes to quicken the pace of the story or just improve the prose in general. There were also quite a few continuity errors between The Legacy Series and The Loup-Garou Series, which I set out to correct, since those stories were fresh in my head again. Both books are currently with an editor and I’ll be releasing these Second Editions within the next month or so. ALSO, I plan to go wide with the series publications. That means they won’t only be available Amazon, but everywhere else ebooks are sold too! Very excited about that.

However, probably the biggest news (within the writing career stuff) is that I won’t be solely self-publishing. I had been sitting on a manuscript for a couple of years, sent it out to some publishers with no bites. But, as I began the rewrites for The Loup-Garou Series, I decided to go through this manuscript one more time with a fresh pair of eyes and sent out some submissions. And, I’m pleased to announce that Tule Publishing offered me a 4-book contract. They’ve taken on the first book, Howls in the Night (tentative title) which is part of my Tolstone Shifter Series (also tentative title). The series is based around a town where a wolf shifter pack offers sanctuary to other shifter packs who are going through some crisis. Whether that’s a loss of leadership, attacked by hunters, forced out by another pack, etc., they are welcomed to Tolstone until they can get on their feet. These shifters are NOT my loups-garous. This series takes place in a completely different universe, and their “mechanics” as my tabletop roleplaying husband would call it, are much simpler and less restrictive than my typical loup-garou characters.

Celebratory dinner for signing a contract with Tule!

The first book will be released some time in March of 2025, which gives me that long to get my writing life back on track. While I’m writing the subsequent books in this series, I do plan on turning my attention to some other books I thought about over the years. The first is a prequel book to Silver Screen, which covers Max and Emma’s love story. Ghosts of the Moon will likely be my next self-publishing project. After that, I may or may not decide to give John Croxen’s sons the book series I planned out years ago. Noah, Liam, Aiden, and Blake made an appearance in The Loup-Garou Series, and while I’ve been playing old shows of Bonanza in the background while I feed Annabelle, I’ve been thinking more and more about them too. BUT, I know for sure that within the next couple of years, I want to write Skylar Keith’s story. Her book, Inheritance, will be the fifth (and maybe) final book of the Loup-Garou series, and I’ll get to revisit my beloved loups-garous again. All of this is just percolating in the background, while Tule and Annabelle take precedence.

So, I guess that catches y’all up on what’s going on in my little crazy world so far. Stay tuned for the Loup-Garou second edition releases, and more news on my journey with Tule Publishing.

Until next time,
Happy Reading!

Legacy for FREE

The first four books of the Legacy Series are now FREE on Amazon! You read right! The Legend, The Guide, The Frenchman, and The Prophecy are now completely free. That’s the entire first volume of the series! What are you waiting for? Get started on your journey with these awesome alphas and excellent elders of the Legacy Series!

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[image error]The Legend – Book 1

Amazon

Everywhere Else

*England, 1555*

John Croxen, convinced that he is possessed by a demon, takes a risk when he saves the life of a beautiful gypsy woman one night while roaming the forests of England. However, Annalette is not as she appears. She knows that John is not demon possessed, but in fact a loup-garou – a werewolf. Alone and in need of his unique kind of help, Annalette strikes a bargain with John. If he can help rescue her condemned brother from prison, she will tell him everything he needs to know about being a loup-garou. After living in ignorance for over a hundred years, he’s due for a lesson or two.

With the rural population on the lookout for gypsy vagrants to turn over to the authorities for execution, John and Annalette must do something they have never done before. Trust a perfect stranger.

The Guide – Book 2[image error]

Amazon

Everywhere Else

*Egypt and Middle Europe, 1570*

Tor had known nothing else of life outside of his lonely temple in Asyut. The last priest of the half-man, half-wolf Egyptian god Wepwawet, his days are filled with pious rituals that celebrate the union between his spirit and the gift of transformation his god had bestowed upon him and his family from birth. The sole survivor of his priesthood, he believes he is the only one who can maintain balance between Ma’at (order) and chaos that would inevitably consume the world.

All of that changes when Giovanni, an Italian explorer under the payroll of the vampire lord, Michael Gennari, finds Tor in his temple and asks for his help to find the lost civilization where vampires and werewolves once lived in harmony thousands of years ago. Knowing something of the mythical Arnathia, Tor agrees to help.

Jane Gennari, Michael’s young and mischievous daughter, has another plan for Tor. Inadvertently, she makes a long and arduous journey to the Caspian Sea even more dangerous. Drawn to his raw, savage, and sometimes uncivilized character, she lusts after him with a fervor that seems revolting to other vampires. The vampires and werewolves have been at war for centuries, but Michael’s small coven do not adhere to such prejudices.

With hunters, traitors, and the unforgiving elements working against them, vampire and werewolf must unite for a common goal: to seek the truth of what happened to upset the balance between their races.

[image error]The Frenchman – Book 3

Amazon

Everywhere Else

*England, 1623*

Darren Dubose was born a sickly bastard child. Often confined to his bed, he knows nothing of what it’s like to be healthy and well. His mother raises him alone, but not even she can ease his suffering and longing for a normal childhood. One night, he’s stricken by unexplainable pain and agony. Thinking this is the moment he dies, he doesn’t expect to wake up the next morning after he blacks out. But, he does. Only now, he is unnaturally fast and has the strong body he has always wanted. Able to run miles within seconds and throw heavy boulders across rivers, it seems that Darren’s prayers have finally been answered.

His new, phenomenal abilities come with a heavy price when the superstitious villagers of Warminster accuse him of being in league with the devil. How else could he have grown twice his size overnight? The truth lies with a friendly baker who tries to tell Darren that he’s a werewolf, a man who can turn into a beast by moonlight.

Frightened and skeptical, Darren must find his own way as the world he has known and loved his whole life begins to crumble beneath his feet. Everything he knows is called into question. Will solace lie within himself, with a mysterious alpha in France, or in the slate blue eyes of a girl who is trapped in a similar fate? His life, and the lives of those he loves are now at risk, but can he find the courage to outrun death?

 

[image error]The Prophecy – Book 4

Amazon

Everywhere Else

*Russia, 1648*

Geoffrey and Hugo Swenson scour the globe, searching out and cataloguing stories about their kind. About werewolves. They find themselves in Russia, hunting down a specific legend about a mythic white wolf that is said to embody the spirit of peace. As their world is consumed by war, violence, and destruction, they want to find the White Wolf to beseech it to expel the evil from the hearts of men.

They meet an unlikely ally in a pair of vampires, Michael Gennari and Anton Wiatrowsk, who are in search of the White Wolf for the same reason. The two races who are supposed to be at war with one another, must set aside their differences and join forces to trek across the rugged landscape of Siberia, through a country torn by riots and rebellions, in hopes to find peace for the world. But, can they find peace in themselves first?

 

If you prefer Audio or Paperback, you’re in luck! The first volume of these are available in each format! Check it out!

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Audio – Audible

Paperback – Amazon

Magic and Lighthouses – Two New Releases!

Hey y’all! Just popping in to let you know about two new releases! One went live while I was still up in Virginia for that big trip I mentioned in a previous post. The second is perfect for getting in the spooky Halloween spirit! Check it out!

Book 1 of the Bewitching Brews Series

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Available on Amazon! 

Krystal Hayden, a witch and co-owner of the Perfect Books and Brews coffee shop with her two best friends who are also witches, prides herself on being the steadying force amongst her friends. She always has an answer, keeps her cool, and never lets a little stress get to her. But one day, she has the pleasure of meeting the new cop in town, Devin Daniels who is a transfer from the Boston police department. He’s hot, enchanting, and they seem to be cut from the same cloth. She gives in to this feeling, thinking that a little fling wouldn’t hurt anyone. Little does she know, they’re Twin Flames.

Krystal’s dark elemental magic emerges and whenever things get too hot and heavy between her and the hunky cop, the fire just isn’t in their eyes. Devin’s got his own problems when a pattern of ritualistic murders start popping up in town, targeting the supposedly sinful characters of the community. Krystal and her friends endeavor to help Devin, but how much could magic possibly do when magic might have been the catalyst for the murders?

 

Book 14 of the Legacy Series

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Available on Amazon

Adam and Geoffrey Swenson have finally come to the end of their journey. They have collected as many shifter myths as they could possibly gather in the midst of this new age filled with technological advancements. For werewolves, their world is growing ever smaller. But their circle is expanding. They have taken lodging with a much older werewolf, Tor, who operates an isolated lighthouse on the Oregon coast. There, they intend to write down their findings over several centuries spent scouring the world for stories. Adam’s wanted a quiet place to rest ever since he survived the massacre at Devia just seventeen years prior. Still haunted by the faces of those he lost, Adam’s ready for peace. But there’s one story that has yet to be lived. They won’t be the only ones staying with Tor, and when he meets the vampires, Adam’s world is flipped.

Jane and Michael Gennari are in transit. With all of Europe engaged in a bloody and controversial war, America seemed the best place for the two Italian vampires to lay low and make a new life for themselves. Especially Jane, who has spent the last few decades killing rampaging werewolves in Russia with other vampires. Tor has been kind enough to offer his lighthouse to them, but those Jane sees it as a prison, not a refuge. Her father is aiming to dull her sharp edges and remind her that she is a lady, not a warrior. Her wild spirit can’t be contained, and when she lays eyes on the handsome werewolf she’ll be living with, a new war rages within her and she doesn’t know whether he’s an enemy or a foe.

“I fight every day, and I won’t tap out”

It’s been one of those days. One of those weeks. One of those months. Maybe a whole year.

I’m in the ring with my own self, slugging it out until one of us throws in the towel.

I may fall. I may hit the matt so hard everything goes black for a second.

But I will not be carried out on a stretcher.

I get back up. I keep fighting. Even if I’m just standing there. I’ll take the hits. I’ll feel the blows.

And I’ll punch back.

Round 1

“You’re wasting your time! No one cares about anything you’re doing!”

I care. That’s why I do it.

“You’re looking for validation. That’s the only reason you do it. And no one’s paying attention.”

I might care what people think of me, but this makes me feel better. They don’t matter in the end.

“They all think you’re a fraud. You’re trying to be someone you’re not.”

I’ve never tried to be anyone but me. If they can’t see that, it’s their problem. Not mine.

“You’ll never be famous. What’s the point?”

Being famous isn’t the point. Being happy with what I’ve done at the end of the day is.

“You’re not even that good.”

I’m improving. Always improving. I never stop learning.

“You’re throwing your resources into a black hole. It’ll never come back.”

It trickles in. That’s how it works when you get started.

“You’re letting everything fall to pieces, giving your life to something so meaningless.”

It has meaning for me. Dishes and laundry can wait a day if it means I’m taking care of myself.

“All your relationships are failing because of this. Quit before it’s too late!”

If they can’t support me, they don’t need to be in my life.

“Your family and friends think you can’t reach your dreams, so why bother trying?”

They’re proud of me. And if they’re not, it doesn’t matter. I’ll reach my dreams without them.

The bell rings and I’m hurting. My guts are twisted. My mind is reeling. But I’m still breathing. Still standing.

Round 2

“You try too hard to be someone’s friend. They don’t even like you.”

I reciprocate what I receive. If they don’t like me and keep pretending that they do, at least I’m being genuine.

“You’re not interesting. You’re just plain weird and out of touch with the world.”

If I’m weird, then I’ll attract weird and that’s who needs to be in my circle.

“You’re awkward and say the wrong things all the time.”

I say what I mean. My filter might not work sometimes, but then they see the real me. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as I’m not hurting someone.

“You’ve never been able to socialize. You’re inept. You can’t do small talk. They all know you’re just a scared little child who wants to run home.”

No, I can’t do small talk. I never have. And yes, I want to go home, but I stay and work to improve myself.

“They only invite you out because they feel sorry for you. They feel obligated to include you.”

But at least they thought of me.

“You never know when to leave. They wanted you to go hours ago.”

I’m working on my social cues.

“Don’t bother anyone. Don’t reach out. They don’t care about anything you have to say. You’re just annoying and clingy. No one wants to hear you mope and complain.”

If I want to talk to them, I will. If I need to reach out for help, I will. If I see something that made me think of them, I’ll share it. They should know that they matter to someone, even if it’s something that doesn’t matter to them.

This round is over. My nose is broken. I can taste the dribbling blood on my lips. My head is aching and I need to vomit. But this fight isn’t over.

Round 3

“He doesn’t love you.”

He married me. He loves me. He shows it every day.

“You loved him first and that’s the only reason he even considered you.”

He said he liked me long before I confessed anything.

“It’s all a big joke. He doesn’t really want you.”

If it’s a joke, it’s lasted 11 years and that’s far too long to wait for the punchline.

“When you do things without him, you’re becoming too independent. He’ll think you don’t love him.”

Independence can be a turn-on. He knows I need my alone time just as much as he does.

“You have nothing in common.”

If we had too much in common, this would be boring.

“He thinks you’re crazy and emotional. He feels sorry for you.”

He’s just as crazy as I am and he’s patient with me, more than anyone else ever was.

“He works late. He must be off with someone else.”

He doesn’t come home smelling like perfume and he works hard to support me.

“He goes to the game shop to get away from you.”

I don’t blame him if that’s the reason. I want to get away from myself too.

“He only wants you for sex and you even stink at that.”

At least he wants me, even though I’m bad at it.

“He regrets marrying you every day.”

If he did, then he’d ask for a divorce and he hasn’t.

I can barely hear the bell over the constant ringing in my ears. I’m on the matt. My chest is like a vice. Tears stream down my face. I hear the referee screaming the countdown next to me and I know I have to get up. Just a little longer. I can do this. I won’t check out. I push myself to my feet. The world is spinning. The audience watching this show in silence see nothing. Not the tears, the blood, or the bruises. They only see me, as if I weren’t trying at all. But I am. I’m trying so hard not to let these blows get to me.

Round 4

“You’re stuck. You’re never going to leave this small town.”

One day. I will.

“There’s nothing here for you. Nothing to make it worth staying.”

I have the security of a home, a good job, and family. That’s enough.

“You don’t really like your job. It doesn’t fulfill you.”

That’s a lie! I love it! And I’m good at it. That’s what matters.

“You hate the house you’re in. Break free now before you’re trapped there forever.”

It serves its purpose and we’ll make it into our home one way or another. There’s no reason to leave it.

“If you don’t leave now, you never will.”

One day… Maybe not in the next few years, but one day, we will.

(I’m on the matt again. Darkness closing in.)

“You’re just going to end up in a situation that makes you miserable. If you didn’t have a husband… If you didn’t care about what people think of you… If you were braver… You could do what you wanted and not be so afraid.”

(Rage boils in me. I forget the pain. I push aside the temptation to let it all crush me. I stand up, a broken and bleeding mess of a human being.)

I. AM. BRAVE. I live with a battlefield inside my head and choose every day to get up, get dressed, and press on anyway. I do my best. I don’t give in. I do what I can, when I can, to make my life a little brighter. Fuck everyone who thinks I’m a waste of space, that I’m awkward or annoying or stupid. They don’t matter. They never have and they never will. I will burn bridges and turn my back on the flames. I make mistakes and I adjust. I know my flaws and I don’t pretend to be perfect. But no one can ever say that I’m a coward. I fight every damn day and I haven’t tapped out. I never will.

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A Shameless Plug…

As y’all know, I’ve become just a hair (maybe a whole wig) obsessed with the American Civil War. Ever since I wrote The Soldier about a year ago, I’ve gotten sucked into this whole other world. I’ve been to over a dozen battlefields and now have an entire bookcase dedicated to Civil War books. Don’t ask me how many I’ve read. It’s my hope that I’ll learn a lot and becoming confident enough to write an entire series revolving around the Civil War. It’d be a historical romance series, of course, but I’ll leave the werewolves and vampires out this time.

[image error]Anyway, part of this new fascination with the 19th century, I’d started another blog! This one is to talk about my many travels and share some knowledge about the Civil War from the prospective of yours truly. I’ve been writing one blog a week since January and covered three battles so far. I’m treating each battle as a series, writing a blog about the battle itself, something interesting about it, about a commander or two, about a regular soldier, and about a woman associated with the battle. My blog set around the battle of Olustee included my trips to other Florida Civil War landmarks as well. My goal is to write about each battlefield I visit and focus on that state as well. Virginia’s gonna be a doozy. You’ll also get to check out some of the pictures I’ve taken at the battlefields. They’ll be the ones with my haversack!

Interested in checking it out? Here’s the link!

www.belleonthebattlefield.wordpress.com