Sheritta Bitikofer's Blog, page 2

One Day At A Time…

Another little installment to that book idea that still doesn’t have a name. If you have a suggestion, I’d love to hear it!

“It’s so weird,” Kyleigh said as her thumb rubbed over the rim of her mug. “I can actually feel myself getting worse again. It sort of just… crept up on me. I thought I was fine. I was on the mend, you know? I held my chin up, I could talk straight to people, I knew what I was doing. I didn’t get those flutterings in my stomach as often as before, and I could actually focus.”

A wry smile crossed her lips. “But now, it’s like I’m just a mess and I don’t know how to clean myself up. I have no motivation. I just want to stay in bed until it all goes away and life starts to magically feel right again. All I seem to be able to do is scroll through Facebook or binge watch Downton Abbey or Vampire Diaries. Anything to numb my mind. But the minute I stop, it all comes pouring back in. All the things I didn’t do, all the things I shouldn’t have done. I think about the conversations, the laughs, the good times that should have all been burned up in the wreckage. I remember what a freakin’ idiot I am and how absolutely narcotic I’ve become nowadays.”

Kyleigh turned toward the window framed in gauzy white curtains. The sun slanted through the clear panes to fall across the table. Outside, the trees danced in a strong summer wind, the shades of green waving at her, calling for her to get a breath of fresh air. Maybe it would make her feel better.

“Just to think that about two weeks ago, everything seemed to have this… routine. I’d get up, go to work, come home and do what needed to be done. All without really worrying about anything. Sure, I’d have my moments here and there, but that was manageable.” She bit her lips together and shook her head. “But then I finally realized that something had to change. I did. I stopped giving a crap about the one thing that was tormenting my existence. I forced myself not to care, not to give in. I started hating him again. The way I did when I left. It felt right. It was comfortable. It was easier to cope that way.”

Feeling the weight of it all settle on her shoulders, Kyleigh let her head fall into her hand. “And then I had to get that email. That damned email. I should have never checked. I knew digging up the past was just going to hurt me again, but I thought I was fine. I swore I was fine! But that one email hit me so hard for no good reason. It wasn’t about anything. It changed nothing. He’s still an ass, but my heart wanted it to be something more.”

She propped her chin in her palm and stared out the window again. “I was angry again. Irritable. I’ve been snapping at everyone at work. I’d just pray every minute of the day that they would leave me alone and go away. I couldn’t stand company. I still can’t, really. And that’s when I started screwing up. I feel like I’ve just been flopping around like a dying fish or something. My words aren’t coming out right, I’m not understanding what people are asking, I’m just… standing there like a moron and it infuriates me. I always have it all together and because of that one damned email…”

Kyleigh couldn’t bring herself to finish and let out a long sigh as the feelings came back. The anxiety, the depression, the need for it all just to stop for a few moments so she could catch her breath.

“Maybe I did too much. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard, but I know I can’t go back. Not after all these years. I can’t tell you how hard it’s been not to check on him. Not to get on social media and try to see if he’s happy. If he’s doing okay. Is he still at his old job? What about his family? Are they happy too? Is he just as messed up as me? I know it’d all be pointless and that’s why I can’t do it, but it hurts so much not to know or even try.”

She took another sip of her chamomile tea. “I’ve been checking my emails every hour now, just to see if he’d send another one. I know he won’t. I mean, why would he? Why waste his time? I thought I was done hanging onto something that didn’t belong to me anymore. It’s like waiting for someone dead to come walking back through the door like they never left in the first place. It just hurts and… I just want it all to stop.”

Kyleigh looked to the black cat sitting patiently upon the dining table. Her tail was curled around her paws, the tip thumping lazily as golden eyes watched her new owner. In those eyes was a look of absolute intelligence, like she actually understood everything Kyleigh was saying.

“I just need to stop giving a fuck about everything, but I’m stuck between two gears. Drive and reverse… I know I shouldn’t have looked back. Not when I was doing so well… Now, I’m just so tired. So fed up, but I can’t move on. Like, I’m still changed to this bastard and I lost the lock somewhere along the way.”

The cat slowly blinked, but her attention never wavered.

“I need to get on with my life, but what did I have? Did I even have a life before, or was it just me trying to get drag myself away from some four year old drama that I should have been done with? I don’t know if I remember how to get over it again.”

Kyleigh paused in her rant as the cat soundlessly stood and padded across the space between them. Her little black head dipping under Kyleigh’s chin and the rumble of a purr crawled across her skin. Reflexively, she pet the soft, silky fur along her spine and moved her teacup out of the way before any stray hairs fell into it. The cat shed like crazy in this heat.

After a moment of letting the normally shy, reserved animal love on her, Kyleigh felt this overwhelming relief settle over her. The feeling like, the past was miles away for the first time in ages. She might have been a screwup. She might have still been a crash zone with shattered bits of soul and heart mingled in the wreckage of her life. But at least she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

Scratching behind the cat’s delicate ear, she allowed herself a smile. A real one, untainted by all the things she regretted and all the things she couldn’t change.

“I guess we’ll just take it one day at a time.”

Books and Bewitching Things

For those who wonder what I’m up to these days, I’ll answer simply with, “It may not look like I’m busy, but I’m busy.”

After punching out The Rose, The Lion, The Deviants, and The Unsinkable (heck of a lot of “the”s in there), in the span of four months, I was approaching burn-out. Not to mention some craziness in personal matters, such as hitting a deer and numerous little Civil War expeditions across Florida (one to Georgia and one to Mississippi). Yes, I am physically fine and my lovely Honda is back in commission. Yes, I learned a lot about some really cool Civil War history. No, I have no idea what happened to Bambi.

I consecrated April as a “get-my-crap-together” month. Stuff that I’ve been putting off for months (and sometimes years) was finally taken care of. Family photos have been sorted, new paintings were hung, my Civil War traveling scrapbook has been compiled (so far), and our yard is in the midst of a massive makeover that has me resenting the fact that I live so far south in the summertime.

But in other news, I’m back to writing! Just not what I’ve been working on for the last two years. The Legacy Series is getting set on the back burner as a new series has commandeered my computer and creative endeavors. Y’all may have read snippets from a book I haven’t published yet called Bewitching Fire. It’s the first in a series, completed, and in the final stages of editing. There are five books to follow, all centering around the witches in Goldcrest Cove who own a coffeeshop. The idea originally was going to be pitched to traditional publishers and agents, but none took the bait, so self-publishing it is!

I’ve been nose-deep in research about magic and the Wiccan religion to add depth and realism to the characters’ lifestyles. It’s been insightful and immensely helpful. I’m just six chapters away from finishing Bewitching Darkness as we speak, and I’m so on fire for this series that I wish I could share it with everyone sooner!

There are two reasons for my being a tease with this new urban fantasy romance series. The first is that Bewitching Fire is currently submitted in the Reader’s Choice Award contest, which doesn’t end until September. Can’t do much about that. Secondly, I have a release schedule for this series that revolves around the Wiccan calendar, which also coincides with the time setting in the book. For instance, Bewitching Fire takes place just before and around Samhain (Halloween). Therefore, I’ll be releasing this in October – the exact day hasn’t been decided. Bewitching Darkness (set around Yule) will come out in December, and so on until all six have been released.

That means, for the next – however long it’s going to take – I’ll be working on this series. Before you grab up your torches and pitchforks, I’ll say quickly that The Legacy Series hasn’t been abandoned! I’d never leave my boys high and dry like that. I adore them way too much and their stories mean the world to me. The Bewitching Brews series is merely scratching an itch and trying something new. A full-blown, in your face romance that has me blushing like mad.

I’ll be working on The Legacy Series in between each of the Bewitching Brews books, and those will be the only new book notifications I’ll be broadcasting until further notice. They’ll just be few and far between, unlike the marathon of releases I just finished. But amongst all of this, there will be audiobook releases for The Legacy Series! Jumping back on that bandwagon again, and I’ll be announcing those releases as they come.

But even this, is not set in stone! Because there are a few Civil War trips planned in the fall and winter season. For two weeks in August, I’ll be going off the grid and venturing around Virginia again. Yes, again! There’s just too freakin’ much in that state to possibly stay away for long. Half-hearted discussions about moving there have taken place, because doing a major trip every year will probably never be enough. I’ll be hitting battlefields I missed last September and museums I’ve recently learned about. I’ll also be hiking the whole of Gettysburg, unlike last time when I only managed to do half. The main reason for the trip was the Emerging Civil War Symposium in Fredericksburg in the first weekend of August. I registered last year, and figured, “You know what? I’m going to take advantage of it!”

Best part? Hubby’s coming with me! Pray we actually come back together – as opposed to killing one another somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I can already see how it’s going to go. I’ll be bouncing around like a kid at Christmas, wanting to see all the things, and Jared will be my pack mule. He carries a backpack so well! From our trips to Andersonville and Vicksburg, I already know that the boy’s gonna have to learn how to travel. You take the breakfast and go, man. Can’t waste time!

There’ll be another Civil War trip (a tiny one) in November to see some places in Louisiana, along with visiting family for the holidays. These will be the only factors that may inhibit this new writing schedule, but I’ll manage. It may be like juggling six chainsaws, but I’ll manage.

In the meantime, I’ll be posting little things here and there, but don’t become alarmed if I ghost for a few weeks at a time. My goal is to get back with the “Something About Sheritta” posts, and maybe intermit them with some creative prompts that have nothing to do with any books. Just little creative jaunts off the map.

So, hang in there! It’s gonna be a wild ride for 2019!

– Sheritta

The Art of Disappearing

Here’s a little creative piece I’ve been thinking of writing for a while. It goes with a story that I’ve been toying around with, but I worked out the prologue.

 

Kyleigh should have done this a long time ago. This leaving. She should have packed her bags like she did the night before and thrown them all in the back of her Toyota the minute she knew she was in too deep. The moment her heart fluttered when he said that he loved thunderstorms. The moment heat crept up her neck at every email, text, and private message. The moment she saw those tiny eyes look up at her with such innocence. That little girl didn’t understand who her daddy had brought home. But Kyleigh did. And that’s when she should have left.

Quietly, so no one would know what she was up to, she sold her furniture and consolidated everything she could into the few suitcases in the back. She’d take her savings and get everything new wherever she was going. She turned in her two-week notice at her job just so she wouldn’t leave on bad terms, and paid up the rest of her lease at the apartment complex. Everything was thought of, everything done seamlessly and without questions. She had no answer. None that anyone would want to hear.

It wasn’t much, what she had left. Kyleigh burned all the clothes she had worn when he touched her. That got rid of quite a lot of her wardrobe. She brought only her most favorite books. The ones that they never talked about or read together. She kept only the sentimental things she knew she could never throw away. Like the necklace her mother bought her for her eighteenth birthday, and the old crumbled picture of her father in his military dress uniform. The rest had to be tossed. It must have been in a landfill by now. And as it deteriorated, so would the memories of him.

That’s what she needed. A cleansing. A good, thorough purge of everything that reminded her of that man.

Kyleigh glanced in the rearview mirror. Her whole life was behind her. Her childhood, her friends, her family, all of it. She’d disappear because of him. Because she couldn’t stomach the self-inflicted shame anymore.

It was her fault from the start. That much Kyleigh understood. She had been stupid and careless. All because she thought she loved a man she couldn’t have. That love blinded her and whispered lies with every kiss, every caress, ever long night spent doing things she had no business doing.

Kyleigh closed her eyes tight to fight away the pain. She was done crying. Done feeling sorry for herself. With every mile marker she passed, with every sad country song playing on the radio, she told herself this was for the best. It had to end, and this was the only way.

To just disappear.

She looked to the shoebox in her passenger seat. In it were the last pieces of that mistake. A few letters, a photograph, her old phone, the key he had given her, and the rose petals she had collected over the year.

She took the letters first. On the face of them were scrawled out her name in his handwriting. She used to love the way he swirled the tips of the “K” and “Y”. She thought it was because he wanted to put some embellishment on her name. “A beautiful name deserves to be written stylishly,” he had told her. Kyleigh shook her head at those letters now. They mocked her, reminding her of how stupid she had been.

She stripped off the rubber band and, making sure that no one was behind her, tossed them out the open window. Kyleigh watched the creamy sheets flutter and flail in the wind behind her car. Every long one of them, gone. They’d be run over by minivans, semis, and trucks by the end of the day. She hoped it rained so they would get soaked and shred all the more easily.

Emboldened, she snatched up her old phone and chunked it toward the grassy ditch. It missed and the corner slammed against the blacktop. She almost thought she could hear the screen crack as she zoomed away. She’d never be able to browse through their conversation history again. No one knew her new number, the one that belonged to the brand new phone sitting in her console. It hadn’t been violated by dirty phone calls and explicit messages like, “I need you” and “Please come over?”

The key flew farther than her phone and made it to the sloping shoulder of the road. She never asked for the key. He just gave it to her, expecting it was what every girlfriend wanted. It was access to his life, to his personal space if she wanted it. That had given her hope, had opened the way for trust. But she wasn’t the only woman to have a key to that house.

The last to go was the picture. In a digital world where printed pictures seemed so archaic, Kyleigh prized it. She kept it on her desk at home, a reminder that she had finally found something good, something to look forward to every day. She had taken it out of the frame for this last trip. The old Kyleigh smiled back at her, blissfully leaning into the arms of the man that had asked too much. He smiled at her too, looking hot in his dark sunglasses and ballcap. Thinking back now, it wasn’t too sunny that day at the park. He just didn’t want to be recognized. Instead of reminding her that good things still existed in a cruel world, it stood as a testament to just how far a man would go to deceive a girl into thinking she had a chance at all.

That tear she had been fighting finally rolled down her cheek. With one knee holding her steering wheel, she took that picture and ripped it right down the middle. Then she brought the two halves together and ripped it again. Again and again she did that until she couldn’t tear it up any more. Then, she flung the confetti into the wind. Like the letters, they twirled and spun, catching the sunlight before falling to the asphalt.

And that was it. There was nothing else to purge. Nothing else to relinquish. She thought it would be relieving. She thought there would be some sanctified pause where all the weight she had been carrying would just fall from her shoulders and she could breathe. There was no relief, no cure for the ache in her chest. Instead, she felt the same. Absolutely the same.

It hurt like hell. It had since the day she decided she couldn’t do it anymore. It hurt every time he tried to call or message her, begging for forgiveness and another chance. Kyleigh wouldn’t give it. She had loved a married man, and for that she’d probably rot in hell for all eternity. But she could spend the rest of her life making up for it. She did the only thing she knew would fix it and ran away. No one would find her again. Not if she could help it.

Redemption Is Within Reach

The Lion is Live! It’s been a long time coming, but the finale is finally here! I’m so excited to share this with you! Read how Belle and Leo finally master their demons and live the life they were meant to.

The Rose on Amazon

The Lion on Amazon

[image error]Belle Clearwater’s prayers had been answered, but there was still so much left to discover. Now determined to reject her mental illness, she’s decided to be brave and not let her anxiety disorder take her away from what matters. With the help of her friends and her faith, she’s sure that she can finally have her life back. Something greater is stirring in her heart and the man that had served as her solid ground might just send her world off kilter again. All it takes is one moment of honesty.

Against every bit of common sense, Leo Thompsons has chosen to stay in Levi. The Darkness and his murderous brother are closing in, but he believed that as long as he has Belle, he can find a way to break the curse upon his soul. With the power of love and prayer, he’s finally fighting for his life and the chance to share that life with the beautiful farm girl. Fate brought them together, but is he strong enough to rebel against the forces of evil that have hounded him for so long? Can he, once and for all, defeat his demons?

All That We Are…

I’m gas receipts crumbled in the cup holders

You’re a Gatorade rolling on the floorboards

I’m the fierce tapping of an overworked keyboard

You’re the clatter of dice upon the dining table

I’m dry humor you chuckle to

You’re the pun master I groan at

I’m the motivation at 8:30am

You’re the snooze button slammed a dozen times

I’m a week-long road trip

You’re a stay-cation in bed

I’m a majestic wolf howling to the sky

You’re a stealthy panther creeping through the forest

I’m the hour it takes to get ready

You’re the cowlick left untamed throughout the day

I’m earth tones and cotton

You’re Hawaiian shirts and cargo pants

I’m the connoisseur of history

You’re the walking calculator

I’m the air-conditioned office

You’re the hot, dusty jobsite

I’m the insomnia until the work is done

You’re the nap at two in the afternoon

I’m the medium-rare steak and potatoes

You’re the dollar menu drive-thru

I’m the folded clothes within a day or two after laundry

You’re the basket of clothes that have been clean for three months

I’m one cup of coffee stretched throughout the day

You’re two Monsters in one night

I’m the pajamas you change into after a long day

You’re the quiet I want to come home to

I’m “we have to plan this”

You’re “let’s just wing it”

I’m the moonlight over a field of snow

You’re the warm sun sparkling on white beaches

We’re long talks in the bathroom at midnight

We’re the receptors of vibes and energies

We’re the “five more minutes” under the warm covers

We’re the rock song blaring down the highway at sunset

We’re the dreamers and creators of the impossible

We’re the stack of books on the nightstands that might never get read

We’re the fiery temper when communication isn’t working

We’re the “I love you” and “I miss you” several times a day

We’re the stable ground, the home base, the safe place

We’re the puzzle pieces you think won’t fit, but we connect perfectly

Doing What Leo Does Best…

Here’s a sneak peek into The Lion’s first chapter. Releasing April 25th!

Preorder on Amazon!

The heaviness continued to drop onto his chest as Leo drove further and further away from Levi. Further away from Belle. It always happened every time he distanced himself from her or the farm. The only way he could reason it was that it must have had something to do with all that praying she did.

Ever since that night when she first dispelled the darkness with one small, impromptu prayer, Leo began to see the pattern. On those days she prayed, the darkness stayed away. His nights weren’t tormented by dreams of fire and death. His soul didn’t feel as weighted and burdened. So, each morning, he asked if she prayed and if she said she hadn’t yet, he would slyly drop a hint that she should. Of course, she didn’t complain. Why should she? It was nothing to her. Just a string of words sent up to God to protect them and the farm from evil.

But to Leo, it was everything.

It meant the difference between walking around with an easy smile, because he had finally settled where he wanted to stay, or looking over his shoulder and starting at every loud noise, thinking it might be the demon coming to collect his payment.

It took a great deal of courage to mount his motorcycle and head south toward Little Rock, far away from Belle’s protection and deeper into the world he had tried to leave behind. It was all for her, though. If he didn’t do this, it’d take that much longer for Belle to achieve her dreams.

One call to an old acquaintance – the only one he had left that would still speak to him – sealed his plans for the evening and with a little money in his pocket and a change of clothes in his duffle bag, he left in the late afternoon.

The two-and-a-half-hour drive did little to settle his nerves or clear his head. He used to love riding on the highway. Of all the vehicles he had ever driven, the maneuverability of a motorcycle appealed to him the most. He could weave in and out of traffic, zoom on and off exits and effectively lose whoever might happen to be chasing him. On those drives when he could relax, let the wind pound his face and feel the grind of the wheels on the blacktop, Leo could zone out and not think so much. He didn’t have to think about his past or his future. Just this moment with only him, the road, and the deafening rumble of the engine beneath him.

He could do anything but relax now, because he knew exactly where he was going and what he’d be doing that night. Something he thought he’d never have to do again after he arrived in Levi.

It didn’t take long to find the place. Mack gave detailed directions that a toddler could follow. Even over the roar of his bike, he could hear the multitude of voices and music booming out of the warehouse just outside of town. The parking lot was packed, but he managed to find a cramped spot on the side closest to the river.

Leo didn’t make eye contact with the people he passed as he made his way toward the entrance. Smokers, groups of men with beer bottles in hand, couples displaying their affection in obscene ways, bookies, dealers, and thugs. It wasn’t so long ago that he knew this scene by heart. Being in Levi had cleansed him somehow and as he approached the bouncers at the door, he began to question himself again. The darkness practically lived here, and in places like it where sin went unchecked. He could feel its pull, like a black hole that Leo had once dangerously skirted the edges of not so long ago. And here he was again.

Did he really want to do this? He was capable of it. He was completely capable of winning the money for Belle’s stallion. But there was no turning back now. He had already called the man in Fayetteville and made the deal. He was expecting the money first thing in the morning.

“Mack called me in,” he told the two bouncers who were just a hair bigger than him.

The bald one flipped through his clipboard while the other sized Leo up, taking in his jeans and leather jacket. Leo could admit that he didn’t look like he was ready for a fight, but he never needed a fancy rig to pound another man into the dirt. He learned bareknuckle boxing when he was just a teen in Brooklyn. Most who did this for a living couldn’t say that.

The bouncer made it to the final page and tapped at the bottom of the sheet. “He penned you in.”

“Realized he couldn’t leave out his best guy.” Leo gave them both a cocky smile and they reluctantly let him through. In a place like this, arrogance was the common language.

The stench of cigarette smoke and beer hit him, making his eyes water a bit before he could adjust. The bass from the speakers beat against his ears and made the fabric of his clothes vibrate, once more dazing him before he could get a handle on his senses. He squinted against the flashing strobe lights as he pushed his way past the throngs.

The tip of his boot hit something on the floor and sent it rolling. He didn’t have to look to know it was a syringe. His arms reflexively jerked away from the seductive touches of the women who tried to grab his attention as he looked for Mack in the crowd. The fight was still a quarter of an hour away. If he guessed right, the man would be near the bar, taking more bets and organizing the tournament tree one last time.

Leo felt something brush at his pockets and he turned just in time to seize the hand that tried to make off with his keys. What he didn’t expect was for his fingers to connect around a small wrist. The boy looked up at him, the colorful lights like a kaleidoscope across his youthful face. He couldn’t have been more than ten years old.

He snatched away what was his and set the boy free, knowing he would just steal again from someone else. As much as he hated it, the boy wasn’t his responsibility and it wasn’t his place to correct him. With a sigh, he skimmed the crowd again and found the Red Socks ball cap bobbing lively across the sea of strangers.

Leo pushed through a cluster of drunken college students and edged past a tight grouping of ladies in leather skirts dancing with martini glasses before he could put his hand on Mack’s shoulder.

The manager jumped and spun around, wide eyes looking through a pair of tinted glasses. When he saw who had grabbed him, he let out an exaggerated breath.

“Scared me, man!” he shouted over the trap music. “Lookin’ good!” Mack reached out and squeezed Leo’s bicep in the kind of way that reminded him of a man who looked to buy a piece of livestock and wanted to test its sturdiness.

Leo smacked his hand away, effectively startling the manager. “I need a place to put my stuff,” he said, jerking his chin toward the duffle bag slung across his chest. Mack recovered and offered out his hand to take it there for himself. “Someplace no one will get to it,” he clarified, unafraid to sneer at him. It didn’t pay to be friendly in a place like this.

Mack’s throat worked when Leo dropped into that serious tone and then nodded. “All right. All right. I’ve got a locker in the backroom. You can put it there.” He handed Leo the tiny padlock key and gave him his usual thorough directions.

“When’s my fight?” Leo asked, making the key disappear in his fist, so no one would try to pinch it.

“You’re my first matchup!” Mack announced proudly, his one gold tooth blinking in the club lights. As if to prove that he wasn’t lying, he took the dry erase board he had been working on at the bar and showed him. The column of names on one side of the tree didn’t matter to him. The one blank spot where the winner’s name would be written did.

“Rules?”

Mack began to list out the scant regulations set down for the tournament. The only restriction appeared to be the usual. No eye gouging and no groin shots. Everything else was permitted until his opponent tapped out or passed out.

“Kicks and grappling?” Leo asked.

The manager grinned. “All fair game.”

“Payout?”

“Six Gs.”

More than enough. Leo nodded in approval and pulled out his wallet to count out the bills.

“Buy-in’s five hundred.”

He froze in the middle of his count and shot Mack a glare that could peel paint. “You told me it was four.”

The wanker only shrugged. “Must have misspoke.”

Leo feigned a smile. “Must have.” He stacked what bills were needed to get him into the fight and held them out for Mack between his two fingers. Before the manager could take them, Leo grabbed for his shirt collar and pulled him in close. “You better not cross me on this,” he growled in warning. “If I find out you skimmed my winnings again, I will find you.”

And Mack knew Leo could. He didn’t have connections, but he had his demon who loved a good fight. The bookie’s hairy brows shot up and he nodded quickly, hands raised as if he had already been caught in the act.

“We’re clear,” he assured. “But I didn’t cross you that time, you know. It was – “

Leo shoved him against the bar counter, knocking over a few beer bottles in the process as Mack’s feet were nearly lifted off the floor. He could have easily snapped this weasel’s spine if he wanted to. Good thing for him, Leo still needed the money.

“I know it was you,” he snarled, getting close enough, so only Mack could hear him. “Be grateful I’m in a forgiving mood tonight. Otherwise, you’d be in the river by now.”

Before Mack had a chance to open his mouth and dig himself a deeper grave, Leo tucked the wad of bills in his front shirt pocket. Under the watch of several patrons to the bar, he let Mack nearly crumble in a heap and strode away to find the locker room.

He regretted nothing. Mack was a snake, no different than any of the other managers and bookies he had met across the country. They would sooner double-cross someone they thought wouldn’t notice and take a bigger portion of the payout. Leo wouldn’t be fooled. Not tonight. Not ever again.

Once more, he had to maneuver his way through the crowd, upsetting plenty and spilling drinks along the way. The long hallway to the locker room might have been the only empty place in the club. Can lights lit the path that stretched in a straight line toward the back of the complex, but shadows lined the walls and spaces between.

Leo gave himself permission to breathe again, but the darkness was close. He could tell in the subtle drop in temperature and the way the lights flickered and dimmed. It didn’t surprise him that the demon would show up here. Away from Levi, away from his lighthouse of calm, Leo was vulnerable again. But this was what the darkness wanted. Pain, fear, blood.

“I almost thought we’d never be here again.”

The voice scratched at the corners of his mind, slinking with him along the corridor. He knew, if he cared to look, what he would see. Either a floating immaterial orb of black mist, or a form that appeared much less sinister, like a swindling gambler or underhanded dealer ready to make bargains on souls. By the more substantial presence in his peripheral vision, he knew it was the latter.

“Don’t get excited,” Leo said. “I’m not staying.”

The demon edged closer in the form of a man wearing a neatly pressed suit and jacket, jet black hair and coals for eyes gleaming in the fluorescent light. “Oh, come on. You know you miss this.”

Leo scoffed. “Yeah, I totally miss the smell of piss, alcohol, and weed. Such a pleasant smell.”

A disturbing laugh bubbled up from the demon’s throat. “There’s that humor I missed. See, we’re so much better off here than in that little town in the middle of nowhere.”

He slid a scathing glare to the darkness, but wouldn’t slow or protest. “Here to collect payment?”

“You’ve had a week off, Leo. Thanks to that little – “

“If you call her anything but a lady, I’ll – “

“What?” he snapped. “Punch me? Strangle me? You forget that you can’t do anything, Leo. You’re powerless and always will be.”

He didn’t need to be reminded. Whatever the darkness wanted to do, he could do it. Except when Belle prayed. That was his only saving grace, but there was no way her prayers could reach this far. Could they?

“Just pay attention during the fight and you’ll get all the payment you need,” Leo directed, slamming the door in the demon’s face as he walked into the locker room.

It did little good. The darkness rematerialized beside him as he worked the padlock with the key he had been given.

“I know why you’re doing this,” the demon said, grinning to show his perfectly straight white teeth. “You’re trying to make your girl happy. It won’t work.”

“Watch me,” he dared.

“I’ll make you throw the fight. Take you out of the first round before you can get anywhere close to the semi-finals.”

“You won’t do shi-“ Leo stopped himself and bit back the word he wanted to use. “You won’t do anything. Think of all the lads I’ll beat into the floor tonight. You need that payment. Remember our deal?”

Leo stripped off his shirt and wadded it up before zipping open his bag to shove it inside. He then set to taking off his shoes and socks to join his shirt.

“And you remember what I told you? I need more than the typical payment, especially since your brother is getting closer.”

One thing about demons, he had learned, was that they didn’t have an ounce of loyalty in them, not even for the man who had tethered them to a victim. Twelve years he had lived with this curse, the darkness serving as the constant thorn in his side. But he did have one useful thing going for him. He told Leo when Matthew was catching up.

Leo shot a look to the demon to see if he was lying just to get a bigger blood payment. That was the agreement they had made months ago. If he did his part and gave the darkness what he wanted, Leo and Belle would be left alone. Of course, the game changed when Leo decided to pursue her. Now that they were living together in a hotspot that the darkness didn’t care to be in, the cost of their protection went up.

“How close?” he asked, hoping for an honest answer.

“Very. And I would rather not be around when he does come. Think of how mad he’ll be when he finds out I’ve been masking your trail for the sake of an extra fix.”

That was laughable. “You poor wee thing,” he mocked. He crammed his duffle bag in the locker, thoughtless to how the luggage would damage Mack’s package of cigarettes or the tiny bundle of cocaine tucked away in the back. Leo hoped he busted the plastic bag.

“Why don’t we stay in Little Rock? It’s such a fun town,” the darkness suggested as Leo began the methodical process of wrapping his hands in the gauze and athletic tape to protect his knuckles. By the end of the night, they would be stained red with blood.

“After this is over, I’m going to Fayetteville.”

The demon came around to face Leo. “There’s nothing in Fayetteville worth seeing.”

“And then I’m going back to Levi,” Leo stated impatiently, as if he had been saying it all night in one way or another. He wouldn’t leave Belle, no matter how much the darkness wanted him to. Like she said that day when he almost skipped town without telling her, he needed to take control of his life, one choice at a time. This choice, though made for odd purposes, was what he wanted, and the darkness would not pressure him into returning to this way of living – if it could even be called that.

“Why not stay a few days?” he said, almost whining like a child who was denied candy and was one refusal away from throwing a tantrum. “We could use some of the winnings to get a hotel, order room service, order some girls and – “

Leo shot daggers with his eyes that instantly made the vile mouth shut tight. He would have threatened to leave Little Rock right then if he thought it would do him any good. The darkness was smart enough to know that Leo needed this money just as badly as he needed the blood payment.

He finished wrapping his hands and left the locker room just as he heard the music dim for a minute to allow the presenter to publicize the first match. He didn’t care if the darkness followed or not. He’d be in the crowd, watching, absorbing the pain and misery of Leo’s opponents. It’d be just like old times.

Unceremoniously, Leo entered the main hall where the fighting would take place. His bare feet slapped against the cold concrete floor, wetted by the spilled beer and liquor from earlier that night. Mack was by his side as if he were a personal sponsor and hyped up the crowd when his name blared over the intercom. Men roared and cheered while women let out whistles and offers that were lost in the din.

He was led to the center of the room where one bright light hovered over the space sectioned off for the tournament.

Spectators leaned on the rope partitions to get a look at Leo as he swaggered forward to meet his first opponent. As always, his stomach tangled, but then he reminded himself that as long as his brother’s curse tarnished his soul, there was little man could do to him. He was kept alive to suffer and cause suffering for others. He’d get hurt, but death wasn’t in his near future. Not yet.

The ropes were closed behind him and he raised his fists, keeping his stance easy and light. The other man, leaner and an obvious novice, blew air past his protective mouthpiece and hopped about like an eager boxer.

Don’t waste your energy, he told himself. You’ve got a long night to go.

When the bell sounded, and the crowd shouted for their favorites, the thinner man came charging forward with a wild hook. Leo dodged and sent an uppercut into his ribs. The guy recoiled and put a hand to his side, eyes wide like he had never expected to be hit.

Leo shook out his hands and flexed his unpracticed knuckles. His fight with Drake was the last time he’d ever hit bone that hard. He readied himself again for the next assault, but was disappointed when the man came at him again with a similar greenhorn move.

He left himself open and Leo took the opportunity. He ducked and wrapped him in a chokehold from behind. One kick to the back of his leg buckled him to the ground. For a minute or two, they grappled with one another. Leo saw stars each time a punch connected with his head, but he willed himself to stay conscious during every reversal. Limbs twisted as they rolled across the concrete, scraping the skin of their arms and backs along the way.

Each time he thought the guy would tap out, he kept coming at him with more desperate jabs and kicks. Leo felt a bit of blood trickle from his nose after an elbow slammed into his face. He could taste its metallic essence on his lips.

He was kicked off and stumbled backward, giving his opponent time to jump to his unsteady feet. Leo wouldn’t give him the chance. He landed one solid punch to the jaw. He heard the crack, but didn’t care. The man finally crumbled to the floor and he waited for a hand to smack the pavement.

When it did, Leo spat a bit of the blood from his mouth and looked up. His eyes instantly met the devilish stare of the darkness in the crowd. The black pits that bore through him told enough. This tournament wouldn’t be a walk in the park for him like it used to be. The demon would drag this out and make the poor boys he fought think they had a chance against him.

The darkness wasn’t just in the business of making Leo’s life a living hell. He’d also drag along any other susceptible soul with him. That was why he needed to protect Belle, the only thing he cared about anymore.

God Himself Could Not Sink These Beasts

The Unsinkable Live on Amazon!

[image error]April, 1912

After nine long years of training as a freshly turned werewolf, and five more years of searching Europe, Logan Elster has finally come face-to-face with the man from whom he inherited his supernatural gifts. But, he is just as surprised as his mentor, Darren Dubose to find a very altered version of Dustin Keith. After learning of some unfinished business the Irish werewolf had left behind in America, both Logan and Darren know they have to take the werewolf beta back across the ocean with them. The safety of a future pack mate depends on it.

Express tickets are booked for each of them aboard the newest steamer, the queen of the Atlantic, the Titanic. The marvel of the age, the biggest moving vessel crafted by the hands of man, it is everything they expect it to be and more. Even when they hold third class tickets, the accommodations are incredible. But more trouble awaits on the spacious decks and each werewolf is confronted with harsh truths about themselves, their relations to one another, and their future together. It doesn’t help that three ladies have set their eyes on the newly formed pack. They believe these complications couldn’t get much worse until the night of April 14th, when they’ll have to worry about more than just keeping their preternatural identities a secret from the other passengers.

Story Behind the Story

I’ve wanted to write a Titanic story for years, ever since I first became fascinated by the disaster. I remember the first clips I watched by accident that made me hesitant to even touch the subject. I was five years old and my mom had bought the newly released movie by James Cameron. I remember the duo-VHS case clear as day. I’m sure she still has it. I came into the living room for something and watched the sinking scene. The screaming people, the dramatic music, all of it terrified me. When I was thirteen and going to take a cruise with my mom to the Bahamas, I remembered those scenes and didn’t want to leave shore. I wanted nothing to do with big ships like that.

Then, when I was fifteen, I watched the movie again. This time, from start to finish. I was entranced. From there, I bought books and studied the deck plans. I used some allowance money to buy the anniversary edition of the Titanic movie on DVD, complete with all the bonus features I could ever want.

Over the years, I watched documentaries when I came across them, but I never dived headlong into studying the disaster until now.

My writing can never do justice to the ship. Nor could it impart the true magnitude of the disaster. I wish I could, but Titanic is more majestic than words could ever describe. Her luxurious accommodations, the size and grandeur of her structure, and the pure terror that gripped the passengers who were left onboard after the last of the lifeboats were gone.

I’m confident that I could walk the whole ship in my sleep, but what’s more disturbing than this was the extent that I could place myself in the passengers’ shoes during the sinking. Each time I read a testimony that told how they didn’t think the ship would sink and gave some evidence to that belief, I found myself transported. I began to think the same. I thought to myself, “No, she can’t sink. Look at all these modern advances! They even said she stopped sinking for a bit. Maybe she’ll make it. She was designed to be her own lifeboat. Maybe she will be. Maybe that ship will come to their rescue. Maybe the damage wasn’t that bad.” All along, I knew how the story would end, but I actually perceived this false hope that so many clung to in those final moments. It was a strange illusion to fall under. Even more heartbreaking when the illusion was finally broken.

I encourage you, if you have any inclination into learning more, seek out books and documentaries about the famous ship. Read the survivor testimonies, learn the names of the victims. Visit one of the museums in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee or Branson, Missouri. There’s plenty of artifact exhibits that travel the country, and countless more places abroad that pay tribute to the ocean liner. It’s so much more than a ship, an iceberg, and lack of lifeboats. The disaster represents a focal point in history. Class distinction, immigration, and innovation. There are plenty of myths around the disaster, and I hope you learn to distinguish what is true from what is Hollywood hype.

 

Redemption Duet Trailer

Y’all know I love making book trailers, and this one was so fun to make. Check out the release of The Redemption Duet on Amazon!

They Have To Battle Each Other’s Demons

The Rose is officially live, but that’s not the end of the line for Belle and Leo! The second in this Redemption Duo will go live on April 25th! Now that Belle and Leo have tackled what they think is the worst of their troubles, find out how they concur the root of all their evils together!

Preorder on Amazon!

[image error]Belle Clearwater’s prayers had been answered, but there was still so much left to discover. Now determined to reject her mental illness, she’s decided to be brave and not let her anxiety disorder take her away from what matters. With the help of her friends and her faith, she’s sure that she can finally have her life back. Something greater is stirring in her heart and the man that had served as her solid ground might just send her world off kilter again. All it takes is one moment of honesty.

Against every bit of common sense, Leo Thompsons has chosen to stay in Levi. The Darkness and his murderous brother are closing in, but he believed that as long as he has Belle, he can find a way to break the curse upon his soul. With the power of love and prayer, he’s finally fighting for his life and the chance to share that life with the beautiful farm girl. Fate brought them together, but is he strong enough to rebel against the forces of evil that have hounded him for so long? Can he, once and for all, defeat his demons?

The Rose is Live!

It’s here! Have you got your copy of The Rose yet? If you love sweet, heartfelt romances with a twist of faith and suspense, you’ll love this!

Get It Here On Amazon

[image error]Belle lives her life from day to day, nearly crippled by her social anxiety. But if you ask anyone in Levi about it, they’d say she’s a sweet, quiet girl who works hard to keep up her family’s small ranch while holding down a job at the bookstore. No one knows that beneath her smiles lay a shy introvert who wants nothing more than to stay at home. It was easier to stay alone, stay isolated. That’s when she was the happiest. But during one thunderstorm, all of that changed and she met the first man she ever actually wanted to spend time with.

Leo made a habit of avoiding people when at all possible. Getting tied down, making friends, having a life only meant suffering. The darkness that followed him since his adolescent years never left, not really. It’d show up and ruin any hint of happiness that came his way. Running from his past and the brother that cursed him with this demon, Leo never expected to find something like home in the little country town of Levi. And he didn’t expect one storm to bring him to the barn of a girl with fire in her eyes and a face as beautiful as a sunrise. A sunrise that could chase away all the shadows.