Sheritta Bitikofer's Blog, page 6

Anxiety vs. Depression

Anxiety is feeling everything all at once.

Depression is feeling nothing at all.

Anxiety is constantly worrying about everyone and everything

Depression is when you stop caring all together

Anxiety is the restless fingers picking at clothes, skin, and things

Depression is staring at a wall for three hours, unable to move

Anxiety is biting your nails because you can’t eat anything else

Depression is forgetting to eat because you don’t feel hungry

Anxiety is in the nervous laughter to fill the awkward silence

Depression is the inability to smile, though you thought something was funny

Anxiety is the aches and pains in your back, neck, and shoulders

Depression is the total body numbness and endless fatigue

Anxiety is your heart pounding out of your chest

Depression is your entire spirit disconnected from reality

Anxiety is hearing the Jaws theme in the background all the time

Depression is hearing a sad violin playing a never-ending sonata

Anxiety is the panic attacks that come out of nowhere

Depression is the sudden outpouring of tears

Anxiety is the exhaustion you feel after doing too much

Depression is doing too little because you are always exhausted

Anxiety is trying to get your makeup just right so no one will notice how tired you are

Depression is neglecting to shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, or take care of yourself

Anxiety is cleaning the house at 2am because you can’t sleep

Depression is sleeping for twelve hours straight and still feeling tired

Anxiety is the seeking for something new to occupy your thoughts

Depression is the lack of motivation to do the things you love

Anxiety is being afraid to leave the house

Depression is not wanting to leave your bed

Anxiety is beaten when you say no

Depression is beaten when you say yes

Anxiety is “I’m fine”

Depression is “I’m okay”

Anxiety is in the perfection

Depression is in the apathy

Anxiety is the analyzing of a cryptic post made by a friend

Depression is in the scrolling for hours without really reading anything

Anxiety is dancing in the kitchen to burn off energy

Depression is cutting your thigh because you need to feel something

Anxiety is the canceled plans

Depression is the unreturned phone calls

Anxiety is the overthinking

Depression is the mindless static

Anxiety is feeling powerless

Depression is feeling hopeless

Anxiety is “What if this happens?”

Depression is “It’s never going to happen.”

Anxiety is the worry that everyone will leave you eventually

Depression is believing that everyone has already left you

Anxiety is the voice in your head that says you’re not doing enough

Depression is the voice saying you can’t do anything right

Anxiety is the “I need to do something.”

Depression is the “Why bother?”

Anxiety is the fear that no one likes you

Depression is believing that no one loves you

Anxiety is feeling you should reach out, but fearing what they may think

Depression is knowing they don’t care about what you have to say

Anxiety is the fear of being alone

Depression is believing you are alone

Anxiety is not stress

Depression is not sadness

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide due to depression or anxiety, reach out. Don’t let it fester.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

Something About Sheritta #20

[image error]Where do you come up with the names for your stories?

At first, because I wrote more contemporary works, I simply looked through baby name lists online and picked one. I chose based on the way the name sounded, how it rolled off my tongue when I spoke it, if I could pull a nickname from it, and if its meaning suited the character. I also try to make sure that the names don’t closely resemble any other names in the story. So, if I’ve picked a name for the main heroine that starts with an “A”, then I won’t chose another name like “Aiden” or “Adam” to pair with her. I’ll move onto the next letter or find something that doesn’t resemble it too closely.

Since I’m doing a lot of historical pieces now, I try to find names that match with the century and locale of the story. I won’t name a French nobleman from the 18th century “Caleb” because that’s a much more modern and English name. However, it gets a little tough when everyone was named John or Edward. I sometimes have to get a little creative.

Black Friday Sale! Signed Paperbacks!

In the spirit of Black Friday sales (not the trampling people in the stores thing, but the discount deals thing), I’ve decided to host a little sale of my own.

I’m clearing out my paperback stock of books for cheaper than I normally sell, even at book signing events. For $8 (some $10) I’ll be offering up signed paperbacks while supplies last!

Head over to this form, fill out which books you want, and a PayPal invoice will be sent to you. Once that’s paid, your order will be sent on its way to you within a week! Since I’ve been cutting back on book signing events, this will be one of your last chances to get certain paperbacks signed by yours truly. Don’t miss out!

For blurbs and more about the books, visit the links in this blog

or my Amazon Author Page

SALE ENDS NOVEMBER 27TH!!! 

[image error]

Happy Turkey Day!

So, I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and share about my memorable holiday experiences.

Thanksgiving, for me, used to be a wonderful holiday. Every year, I’d spend the week off from school with one (or sometimes both) of my parents. With my mom, we spent the whole day at my grandparents house and ate too much of my Granny’s famous potato salad and watched Christmas shows with my cousins. It was your typical Thanksgiving gathering.

[image error]But spending Thanksgiving with my dad was a special treat. Over the Mississippi River and in Louisiana, they know how to have a party. My grandparents would have family from all over come to visit and stay at their house. Relatives from Texas, Arkansas, and Missouri packed the house. Women cooked last minute dishes in the kitchen while the men watched football in the living room. In the den, kids would be screaming and rolling around on the floor in their play. Teenagers and young adults would be in the “pool room” playing billiards or bashing out a few tunes on the old piano. I learned how to play the game in that room, but I could never master the piano. For the most part, I either helped in the kitchen (I made mashed potatoes one year) or played with distant cousins in the den.

[image error]When it was time for the meal, everyone would gather from every room and pray before piling into the kitchen. All variety of pies, meats, casseroles, breads, traditional Cajun foods, and drinks were set up buffet style and there was always the confusion about where the line would start and in which direction it would go. Everyone would scatter from there. Some in the pool room, some in the living room, den, dining room, hallway, or outside on the patio if the day was warm enough. Tables and folding chairs were everywhere and the roar of conversation dulled as mouths were stuffed with delicious foods. compliments and demands for recipes were thrown around in between bites, but the game was always on.

And as soon as the dishes were clear, the sales papers would come out. This was back when Black Friday sales happened the day AFTER Thanksgiving. And it was less of a time to buy for yourself as it was to buy Christmas presents for everyone else. Mothers and grandmothers would flock to the tables, sale ads and newspapers spread out everywhere. They passed around pencils and pens, circling what they wanted and organizing a master plan for the following morning. Since my birthday usually fell on the week after Thanksgiving and I’d be back in Florida before we could celebrate it, I was given my birthday money for Black Friday. As I grew older, it was harder and harder to buy gifts for me, so money was the next best option. That suited me fine because with a couple hundred in my pocket for Black Friday, I could get just about anything I wanted.

[image error]As the evening dwindled down and everyone woke up from their turkey nap, a few select family members would meet in the dining room with a couple of decks of cards. The game? I remember it as Presidents, and every year we had to reiterate the rules because it was only played once a year. Uncle Clyde was the keeper of the game and always knew the rules. The head of the table would put down a card and in clockwise order, the next person would have to put down a card to match it or beat it in value. Whoever ran out of cards first was promoted to President, whoever ran out second was Vice President. I remember when you’d move up to the head spot as “President”, you felt you could take on the world and the other eight or ten people around the table hated you for it. But the lowest of the low, the one who ran out of cards last, was SCUM. Next to him was Vice Scum and for some reason, it was incredibly hard to get out of that chair. The order of the rest of the table was determined by who ran out of cards in between. It was great fun, especially for a ten year old who only knew Go Fish. It was special, memorable, and I’ll never forget those people I played with. We’d play until everyone was too tired to see their cards.

[image error]But just because we went to bed, didn’t mean we’d get any rest. Because those who were going shopping needed to be up and ready by 2am, sometimes 3am. All the ladies, teens, and anyone else who needed to shop, assembled and caravanned to the iHop for a quick family breakfast. From there, the plan was set into motion. Those who were waiting in line for things sent runners to grab other stuff from the shelves before they were gone. The order of which stores they would visit mattered almost as much as what they were getting. Certain stores didn’t open right away, so they would be saved for later in the day. Certain items were only on sale for a few hours or until they ran out. Vehicles were loaded down with shopping bags, television boxes, computer boxes, toys, games, clothes, jewelry, and exhausted teens who thought they could tag along. A couple of years, I didn’t go to bed and suffered my aching legs and tired eyes until about 10am. I had spent the night before catching up on homework, but it was worth it. I remember being taken home by my Mawmaw once because I could barely keep up in the stores. I still have stuff I bought during Black Friday to this day. And even if those clothes stop fitting me or those DVDs won’t play anymore, I’ll always have the memories.

So even if you’re sitting through a textbook definition of a Thanksgiving gathering, or you’re sitting home with just your close friends and family, I wish you a beautiful and memorable Turkey Day.

Planets On The Move…

So, to begin, I’m gonna just clear the air.

I am a Christian, I believe in God, but I also believe in physics and that there’s a spiritual realm beyond what we can see. Being somewhat of an empathy, I think energies and vibes are also a real thing. However, I’m the last person to ask about crystal vibration stuff or what someone’s elemental sign means. I’m not THAT deep in it, and some of it sounds pretty “out there”.

However, I’ve recently been paying attention to the moon and how the planets are affecting different astrological signs (mine to be specific). The only reason I’m starting to give this study some credibility is because I’ve seen it manifest in my mood and temperament over the last month or so.

[image error]

To start things off, Venus was in retrograde October 5th through November 15th, exactly 40 days – which is a magic number in itself. When Venus is in retrograde, relationships and love are all open for reevaluation and reassessment. It’s supposed to be a time of reflection on yourself and your values. To up the auntie, it was in retrograde within the astrological sign of Scorpio, meaning that all of that stuff was even MORE intense and passionate… Most unfortunately, I felt it. ALL of it. I’m not willing to go into detail, but my feels were all over the place, and I’m still reeling from that.

Because of that, I started looking a little deeper into how the planets and such are affecting my life. I’ve paid more attention to the moon phases and taken them into account when in relation to the sign its in, and what the planets are doing. I’m not an expert and I’m having to Google a ton, but what I found was pretty poignant.

[image error]Jupiter will be in my sign, Sagittarius, for the first time in 12 years starting November 8th. It’s ending a journey by starting a new one, and it’s supposed to be epic. Already, this strikes a chord with me because 12 years ago, I began my journey as a writer in high school. Right then, I started to pay attention. Jupiter is the ruling planet over Sagittarius and is a reminder that taking risks and being adventurous is an okay thing – hence the spirit of the heavenly archer. And when this planet is in its home sign of Sagittarius, all of that is amplified. It’s a time of expansion, growth, exploration, and reevaluation of life in general. Best part? It’s going to be there for 13 months.

Here’s a segment I read from cafeastrology.com that was extremely helpful in understanding what’s going on with Jupiter.

“This transit comes at an interesting time. Saturn recently spent several years in your sign, clearing the decks, and now Jupiter here helps you rebuild and start fresh regarding your personal image, manner, attitude towards life and independence, confidence levels, your relationship with your body, and self-assertion. You’re learning — or relearning — to take charge and “own” these things. This is about reclaiming your natural traits and projecting them more powerfully. You might start a new long-term endeavor now — something all about you or resulting from your self-starting, enterprising nature. New physical activities or programs, businesses, or a fresh start regarding how you walk into a room or grab opportunities, may be part of the picture. Saturn helped you get organized but did little for your popularity. Jupiter is now enhancing your image, and you’ll find people more overtly appreciating you and your general vibe.”

What that tells me?

Well, before I even started looking into all of this, I already had the gut feeling that I needed to shake things up. I have been operating on a “I’ve got raw talent, I don’t need to fix or learn anything new” kind of mentality when it comes to writing and my author career. However, my dreams are still unobtained. I want to publish traditionally, just once if I can. Just to prove that I’m good enough. I also want to reach best seller status, but that’s the next step. So, I’ve been collecting books on how to write better and really focusing on the craft. And then I read this and I’m like, “Well, snap! That’s why!” The inspiration to do better, to be better, might just have come from Jupiter himself. 12 years ago, he came and inspired me to write my first book, and now he’s come again to (maybe) help me reach the next level. Jupiter is a lucky planet, after all. So, I’m gonna do my best to go with the flow, take those risks, and “come into my sign” as it were, until December of next year. Hopefully by then, you’ll be hearing from a best selling author.

What else am I figuring out?

[image error]So, Mercury is in retrograde. You probably, at least from media, heard the term “retrograde”. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the planet is going backward, as the word suggests. What it really has to do with is how many times it’s revolving around the sun. It has a shorter path to travel than earth does, so when it does pass or align, it just looks like it’s in reverse. Astrologically speaking, what this does is put the planet’s affects into a sleeping mode. Mercury is supposed to rule over communication, so when it’s sleeping, that means all bets are off when it comes to communications. Listening, speaking, reading, editing, researching, negotiating, selling, buying, etc. All of it’s gonna be out of whack starting November 16th through December 6th. Why does this suck? It’s in Sagittarius, one of the loudest, most impulsive, outspoken signs in the zodiac… So, I’m screwed, in other words. They’re all suggesting that no major plans be made because they might not be thought through and that talks/conversations need to be carefully navigated. Lovely.

[image error]However! Neptune is turning direct! Whoop! Neptune is the epitome of confusion and – for lack of a better term – a fog. It’s been in retrograde for five months, meaning that reality has been a little too harsh. I can testify to this. On the 24th, however, it’ll be coming back in direct, along with an abundance of faith and a willingness to pursue dreams, no matter how crazy and unrealistic – which is kinda what I need. That, combined with Mars moving to the bottom of the chart, several things about living conditions, home, and family relations should come in stark relief.

Biggest key for my birthday month, apparently, is just let my kind catch up with my heart, don’t make a rash decision, and choose my words carefully… Almost no different than any other emotional month of the year.

So, as more things kind of line up and seem to confirm with my own personal experiences, I’ll share them. For now, don’t think I’m crazy or gonna go out to buy crystals and stuff. It’s just an interesting study.

Something About Sheritta #19

[image error]As a writer, what would you choose as your mascot/avatar/spirit animal?

My natural impulse would be to say “a wolf”. However, I’m gonna wave my nerd flag for a second and say a wolverine. Why? Not because I like the animal in general, but because of one line I remember reading in a comic book when I was younger. It was a Wolverine Origins type of comic that went over the years Logan/James spent as a lumberjack or logger. According to the comic, this is the time when he got his nickname “Wolverine” because he was aggressively determined in everything he did, getting the job done no matter what it took, just like a wolverine when it was digging out its den. That was the observation of Logan from an outsider’s perspective, and I’d like to think that others who read my work or know anything about my process will compare my work ethic to the wolverine as well. If I set my mind to writing a book, to reaching a specific word count, or to find out all I can about something related to my book, I go full-board until I’ve achieved it.

My Muses Running Amuck

For those wondering, yes I’m still writing. Is my release schedule wonky? Yes, that is true too.

The muses have not been particularly kind when it comes to progressing through the Legacy Series, and I believe that’s partly due to the nature of the project along with unreasonable self-goals. As you know, I aimed to release a new novella every month. On paper, and given my track record, this was doable. Totally doable. But I didn’t account for the human factor in that equation, and it’s turning into an “every two months” sort of schedule, which would have given me some breathing room between novellas… if November hadn’t happened.

[image error]

For those of you who are involved in the writing community, or have friends who are writers, you might have heard of this thing called National Novel Writing Month. It’s both a painful and an exciting time for writers and authors everywhere. It’s the one time of the year we encourage one another and push ourselves to write 50,000 words in 30 days. It’s when we can pull out book ideas from the dusty attics of our minds, brush them off, and breathe some life into the characters we’ve wanted to meet for some time. It’s also a chance to revisit old projects and finally knock them out of the park – as I will explain in a moment. The idea is that 50k words is a little over half a novel (or a little longer novella), so if we keep on track to write about 1.5k words every day, we can have an entire novel written before the closing of the year. I think there’s an additional challenge for editing the novel in January, but I’m not 100% on that.

In 2015 and 2016, I “won” NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) with my novels Passions and Silver Screen (respectively) which I have since published. Silver Screen has been made into an audiobook, and Passions has gone on to be backed by Kingston Publishing, which will also have an audiobook format available within the coming months (super stoked about that). I took 2017 off because I was working hard in my Legacy Series and didn’t think I could devote the time and effort to writing a novel alongside that.

However, 2018 is a new year and I decided to jump on the bandwagon, now that I have a huge NaNo community to participate with on social media. I made a lot of author/writer friends in the last two years. With the completion of The Outlaw, book #11 in the Legacy Series, I thought I’d return to another series I had started, but never finished. You might have seen little snippets from my Bewitching Brews Series posted here in the blog. The first novel, Bewitching Fire, is finished and just needs some editing before publication, but I had been sitting on it for about a year in hopes that a traditional publisher would take it. They didn’t, and with Halloween on my mind, I decided that I’ll be self-publishing the series next October. Be on the lookout for it! So, for NaNo, I was going to go ahead and get the second book written to get that ball rolling… The muses had another plan.

[image error]

The Rose was the first book I had ever written and finished, topping at about 250k words (I had no social life as a sophomore in high school). I was so freaking proud of that book… And then I pulled it out from the files to read it 8 years later… Nope. It needed work. So, about a year and a half ago, I decided that I’d take on the monumental task of re-writing it, as I had done for Clouds and Escape (other books written in high school that have been published). The project became a little too much and I abandoned it in favor of other things… And like I said, November happened with NaNo and the muses… It was just a confusing time.

I picked The Rose back up and heavily modified the previously re-worked plot outline. I edited through the re-written 9 chapters from the other year and hit the ground running, sprinting for the 50k goal starting November 2nd… [image error]Well, I made that goal yesterday. In that time, The Rose has now been split into a duet (two book series), and the new storyline looks nothing like the original. But, this is a good thing. It’s better plotted, better written, the characters and their motivations finally make sense, and it’s been an incredibly satisfying process.

But, I’m going to rewind for a second and reiterate what I just said. I wrote 50,000 words in less than two weeks. 12 days to be exact… Let that settle for a second. It took me over two months to write The Outlaw, a 67k word historical paranormal western, but it only took me 12 days to write a contemporary romance. Now, I’m going to keep going and see how far this burst of inspiration will take me, but DANG! How did that happen? Who spiked my coffee? Why is The Rose so different from The Outlaw? Both books have characters I adore and have known for years (Ben Myers is the star werewolf in The Outlaw, and Belle Clearwater might as well be my twin).

[image error]Maybe it has more to do with the content. In a contemporary romance, I don’t have to watch my language so much. What I mean by that is I can use as much modern slang to get my point across. Whereas in a historical series like The Legacies, I have to be careful about words. I can’t say “his body felt electrified” before the discovery of electricity. Stuff like that.

Either way, The Rose’s partner in the duet, The Lion, is well on its way to being completed. Once it is, edits will be conducted, a release plan put into motion, and you might get to read it by this summer!

What does this mean for The Legacy Series? Not a lot. As soon as I’m done with The Lion, I’ll be heading on to #12 in the series, The Deviants and I’ll finally get to write about my homeboy, Logan. Release date for The Outlaw is pending due to delays with the editing that are not within my control, but it’ll be out before Christmas for sure.

What’s on the horizon? Long term, like I said, Bewitching Brews will be coming next year around October or September. The three books in that series will be conducted in a rapid release, so hold onto your broomsticks when it hits! The Legacy Series, along with audio releases will still be coming as quickly as I can get through them.

[image error]Beyond that, there are other series and projects like The Vigilante Series (featuring John Croxen’s four sons in New York), The Wolf Sanctuary Series (which takes place in a completely different werewolf mechanics universe than I’ve done up to this point), and several independent books like Ghosts of the Moon (sort of linked with Silver Screen) and many more.

HOWEVER, things change. Plans fall through. That human factor keeps rearing its ugly head. SO, let everything I say be written in pencil with an eraser hovering over each word. Unless you see that preorder pop up on Amazon, take everything I say with a grain of skepticism.

For now, I’m just going to enjoy my birthday month, keep punching out these words, and look forward to a trip to another Civil War battlefield to close out NaNo.

Something About Sheritta #18

[image error]Do your characters seem to hijack the story or do you feel like you have the reigns of the story?

It’s a little of both. I have friends who say that their characters really take over the story and dictate “no, I want to do this” or “I’m not gonna say that to this person”. I suppose I feel a little of that prodding but in a different way. When I’m about to write a piece of dialogue or plan out the plot, I start to feel more led by the character to stay true to their motives, intentions, and attitudes. I can’t have an independent and stubborn woman give into someone else, even if it would make the plot easier for me to control.

Something About Sheritta #17

[image error]What do you do to unwind and relax?

Relax? What’s that??? Oh, that thing I do between books. Well, even if I’m not between books, I do like to take some time to chill. I usually get some of my favorite takeout food and watch a movie or show off of Netflix or Amazon Prime. I’m not a girly-girl, so manicures or spa days aren’t really my thing. And before you think it, reading actually isn’t always relaxing for me. I’ll try to read or listen to an audiobook, but find myself constantly comparing the style or quality to my own work and it can sometimes be more stressful than relaxing.

Civil War Expedition: Chickamauga and Lookout Mountain

Here’s another short video blog of my visit to Chickamauga Battlefield and Lookout Mountain. I have to say that the Chickamauga park was pretty impressive, and the fact that they offer guided tours is so helpful in understanding what happened there. Lookout Mountain, I wasn’t so much impressed with, but only due to its size.