Sparkle the Designer Cat's Blog, page 438

This Photo Shoot Was a Farce

There was some golden, late-afternoon sunlight coming into the living room yesterday and my human decided to take advantage of it. Of course, she did not ask me ahead of time if I wanted to be part of her picture-taking. If she had asked, then maybe she would have put the camera down since my answer clearly would have been, “No.”

See? NO, as in N-O.

Plus there was the inevitable Binga bomb.

Which led to the inevitable round of smacky paws.

Worried that she was “losing the light,” my human put Binga downstairs so she could ply me with treats. I took the treats, but refused to pose for them.

But she did manage to get one halfway decent photo, by accident.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Sunday Catinee: Can Somebody Explain Why My Video Was So Popular?

This is sort of an unofficial Sunday Catinee day because I basically just have a question about this video and videos on Facebook in general. A few days ago, my human was trying to take a nap and I was sitting on top of her, kneading the black fleece blanket she was using. Since there was no way she was going to be able to sleep, she took a video with her iPhone and immediately posted it on my Facebook page. And it got a boatload of views — at over 2,500, it’s not exactly viral, but it’s still a lot. And I’m basically just doing the same thing over and over again for 37 seconds. Watch:

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

I don’t get why it was so popular! And it is that way with the other couple of crappy-looking videos I’ve had on my Facebook page. I’m basically doing next to nothing and everybody wants to take a look. I get the feeling that my human could post a video of me digging around in the litter box and people would flock to it. (I hope that does not give her any ideas!) The same videos, posted to YouTube don’t get anywhere near as much attention. Can any of you figure out what the big deal is?

(Bonus points for you if you noticed Binga fur in the lower right hand side of the video. That’s the other reason my human’s nap got ruined.)
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

It’s Live Like a Cat Day!

Here is a cool holiday for you humans! According to the Live Like a Cat Day website, it is “the one day a year where you can do absolutely whatever you want,” i.e., live like a cat! It is celebrated on the second Caturday in January every year.

I know you humans may need some help when it comes to living like a cat, so I have some suggestions to help you.*

1. Sleep in a sun puddle. In fact, spend most of the day napping.

2. When you are not napping, spend your time grooming. For kitties, every day is spa day!

3. Eat chicken and tuna all day!

4. When somebody calls you for something you don’t want to do, ignore them.

5. Sit in a box. Seriously. You don’t know how cool it is until you try it.

6. It’s winter, so it is probably cold where you are. Sit by the heater vents or radiator and enjoy the warmth.

7. Misbehave, just because you can!

8. Play with a milk ring jug or a twist tie! I promise, you will have a lot of fun.

9. Race up and down the length of your house or apartment for no reason. It’s even better if you do this in the middle of the night.

10. If somebody annoys you, whap them. (Binga added this one.)

I hope you find these suggestions helpful! Enjoy your day living like a cat!

*We kitties are not responsible for any consequences that may happen because of today’s cat-inspired actions by humans.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Photo Hunt: Door

My house has several double doors that have leaded, beveled glass in them. A pair of them overlook the outside patio in the back and another pair looks out into the enclosed should-be catio.

My human likes taking photos of me through the glass.

It might help if she cleaned the glass sometimes.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Binga at Work

It is important for a kitty to get enough sleep, so during my 14–16 hours’ worth of dozing, Binga will often pick up the slack for me. Sometimes she supervises my human from on top of the new printer (that’s what came in this box). She is the only one who uses this area for supervision.

She also supervises my human when she is taking a nap. That is a hard task for me because my human fidgets and moves around a lot and half the time I get sent flying. Binga is heavier and is able to use her weight to hold her down. But all this effort means she usually doesn’t get much rest herself.

Sometimes she takes liberties, like performing quality control on items that arrive in the mail. That is not part of her job description.

And she can take box inspections way too serioiusly!

Now she is asking for a raise! I think that is pretty nervy of her, don’t you?
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Jerky Human Story About Cats!

The year has barely started and I already have a stupid human-written cat story to complain about! This one appeared in the Huffington Post a couple of days ago and is called “Sorry, But Your Cat Is Actually A Total Jerk. It’s Just Science.” It proceeds to pull out a handful of biased, misinformed studies and twist around true cat facts in order to poke derisive fun of us kitties! I really hate it when humans do jerky things like this because it makes extra work for cats like me, who have to refute everything.

So here goes — I’m going to address just a few of this article’s many wrongs:

“Your cat hears you, but she won’t do what you tell her to.”

The scientific study the writer draws from leaves out several important facts, not the least of which is that we are paying attention to our human’s calls — we are just not replying vocally. It is not our fault that humans don’t understand the importance of subtle, non-verbal communication. And the part about knocking stuff off a table to get a human’s attention? Blame that on the humans for their inability to comprehend these other types of communication. It’s like the mother having to resort to yelling to get a kid’s attention. Consider that our version of yelling.

“Some cats actually hate the only thing they’re good for: cuddling.”

I find it insulting that some people think we cats are only good for cuddling when we do so many other more important things, like human supervision, guarding the house from vermin, adding beauty to homes, and showing humans that life can be fun and not to take everything so seriously! Some cats have even saved their humans lives by warning them about fires, or brought them help during a diabetic seizure. Yes, some of us cuddle and some of us don’t (and those that don’t still often lie next to or on top of our humans and purr at them), but that is certainly not the only thing we’re good for!

“Just because a cat rubs against you doesn’t mean it likes you.”

Yeah, so? And an act of marking is supposed to make us jerks? Humans have weird expectations.

“Your antisocial cat may not even be the smartest pet in your house.”

Let me quote the first sentence of this paragraph: “Dogs may be more intelligent than cats because they know how to make friends.” Then how do you explain all those socially awkward human geniuses? Social development and intelligence are not one and the same. If it were, the smartest people would all work in the hospitality industry and none of them would be scientists.

“One of your cat’s favorite ways to ‘kiss’ is through a distant gaze you probably don’t even know she’s giving.”

Whoa! This writer took a sincere feline sign of affection and called it jerky? Who’s the jerk here?

“Your love for cats could make you the butt of society’s jokes.”

Even the article’s author admits that this could be society being a jerk. ‘Nuff said.

“If you die alone with your cat, it won’t hesitate to eat you.”

Two words: Donner Party.

“Cats don’t give a damn about sugar and spice and all that’s nice.”

In other words, we don’t have the sugar taste receptors. Frankly, I know some humans who kind of wish they didn’t have that receptor either. And that makes neither them, nor us cats, jerks.

“Your cat makes you clean up toxic poop.”

Here is another bunch of bunk about the Toxoplasma gondii parasite. Let me make this perfectly clear: all humans who dig around in gardens expose themselves to this parasite constantly, cats or no cats. So stop blaming us for this thing already!

“Your cat cleans herself because she thinks you stink.”

If a human was hugged at length by another human — a sweaty one who hadn’t taken a bath in a couple of days — wouldn’t they want to bathe themselves too? Well, that’s what humans smell like to our highly sensitive feline nostrils. Case closed.

So can writers stop being jerks about us cats already?
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Wordy Wednesday: About the Treats

Several of you have asked what kind of treats I was so enthusiastic about. They were Blue Buffalo Wilderness Soft-Moist Cat Treats! I like all the flavors I’ve tried, but the ones I had this particular day were the Chicken & Duck flavor, which I got as part of my Secret Paws package. Yum! My human’s boyfriend referred to them as “kitty crack.” But I think they are way better for you, since they are grain-free and made with real meat!



Yes, the link above is an affiliate link, so I get a commission if you click on it and actually buy them! But hey, that means I would a few cents closer to getting another package — you’d add an affiliate link too under those conditions!
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Wordless Wednesday: Treat!

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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Tortie Tuesday Weirdness

Does it look to you like Binga is half lying on top of a tote bag on a box while sitting in yet another tote bag?

If you said yes, you would be right!

I’m a cat and even I don’t think that looks particularly comfortable. But that was Binga’s chosen place to hang out for several days, until my human cleared all the dining room table.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

What If There Was Perfume for Cats?

Nobody has to tell me that the human sense of smell is embarrassingly weak compared to us cats. All I have to do is take a whiff of the stuff my human likes to spray on herself — scents that she thinks make her smell good!

Stinky flowery smells, spices that make my nose hurt and worst of all, those stinging, icky citrus smells! It’s positively disgusting. If it were up to me, the world of perfume would be very different than the way it is now. I would create aromatic awesomeness that a kitty could fully appreciate. In fact, I came up with some prototype perfumes that I think blow doors on anything human created. For your whiffing pleasure, here are some feline friendly fragrances:

Tuna al Fresco

Imagine a wharf in the morning’s early hours with the fishermen unloading their daily catch. The bracing sea breeze ruffles your fur as you take in the fresh tang of the highest quality Bluefin tuna. Grassy undertones finish off this subtly salty blend that will make even the most landlocked cat dream of sandy beaches that echo the wild call of crashing surf.

Sweet Crème Delight

Rich. Bold. Indulgent. This inviting scent is for the kitty who wants the best life has to offer. Full-bodied but not too heavy, the creamy notes carry just a touch of sweetness with hints of honeysuckle and silver vine to entice only the most discerning tomcats.

A Little Bit O’ Nip

This fun fragrance is sure to make you stand out in the clowder! It’s a blend of outdoorsy flavors — freshly mown lawn, peat moss and loam, but infused with that intoxicating catnip aroma. Playful and flirty, like new nip leaves in spring, this scent will rev up the purrs and cause heads to turn.

Fleur de Poulet

You will be positively delicious when you wear this warm, mouthwatering fragrance. It covers the full range of free-range chicken — the light and lively breast meat and sumptuous, succulent dark meat, with surprising, spicy undertones of turkey giblets to keep your admirers guessing. Where’s the fleur, you ask? It’s in the notes of catnip blooms that give this perfume a complexity most poultry scents lack.

Hello, Kitties

Only for cats who crave the spotlight! Fully loaded with feline pheromones, this sultry scent makes you a kitty magnet. The powerful attractants are enhanced with notes of valerian to make you so completely irresistible that you may need to hire a bodyguard. Racy and daring, this fragrance is for cats who aren’t afraid to walk on the feral side.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!