Sparkle the Designer Cat's Blog, page 440

End of the Year Outtakes

The past month has produced a bumper crop of outtakes! Let the photographer shaming begin!

My human took a lot of nice photos during this session. She also snapped this monstrosity.

Yes, I am giving the Evil Tongue of Doom, as a matter of fact.

That blur is exactly what you think it is — a classic Binga Bomb!

There were more smacky paws over the PetBox toys than the blog posts let on.

I had an itch, so what? By the way, there is still time to enter my Tidy Cats coupon giveaway!

Sometimes my ears itch too but I am too lazy to scratch.

If I look like I was telling off my human in this photo… I probably was.

Since this is the last set of outtakes for 2013, I figured I’d end with a raspberry. This year was rather blah and I am looking forward to more fun and excitement in 2014!
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Big End-of-the-Year Calendar Sale – 60% Off!

There’s still time to ring in the new year with my 2014 calendar — for 60% off! Use code AFTERHOLIDAY at checkout. It’s only good until Midnight Pacific Time, December 27 (that’s today!), so you have a little while to jump on this awesome deal!

Click here to see my 2014 Wall Calendar and get your discount!

This code is also good for 50% off greeting cards, 40% off mugs, and 30% off of T-Shirts. You also get 10% off of everything else in my Zazzle shop, including my No Declaw Tote Bag! Remember, until the end of the month, all roytalties from the tote bag go to the Paw Project! So far I have sold 14, so I am still 6 off from my goal of 20! I want to make a nice donation to this organization that is working so hard to help kitties keep their paws intact!

These discounts will be over before you know it, so take advantage now!
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

The Christmas Report, and a Little Boxing

Amazingly, here I am with all the presents — alone! This is what I call a Christmas miracle!

Well, that miracle lasted about a minute… just until the first present started to get unwrapped. They got excited because there was a bird on the box.

Sadly, it was not a real bird. It was “Perfect Polly,” a motion-activated, plastic parakeet. “Life Size and Very Realistic,” the box said. Whoever wrote that copy is not a cat. This thing is so fake that it makes Hollywood starlets look silicone and botox-free.

Boodie was not impressed either. The worst part is that it has been chirping all day. Somebody (i.e., my human) needs to shut this thing up.

My human must have been on some warped bird trip because the next gift was also a fake bird. This parrot was supposed to make noise too… and it was supposed to go to my Secret Paws partner. Except when my human brought it home, she discovered it was defective. So did she return it to the store? No, she wrapped it up as a gift for us! That is embarrassingly lame, and I am glad you are all a witness to it. Somekitty needs to create a Tumblr for Human Shaming.

Binga did not get the memo about human shaming. Apparently she likes this thing.

Finally, I can put my paw of approval on something — this microwaveable Kitty Cuddle Pal will be nice to curl up with on cold winter mornings!

Since this is being posted on Boxing Day, I thought I should include a little boxing before getting to the final gift.

It’s a FroliCat Pounce Rotating Cat Teaser, featuring Marshal Maus, who moves around in weird unpredictable patterns. Marshal Maus was actually kind of cool!

Binga agrees. In fact, I have been waiting my turn to play with it for a ridiculously long time.

But Binga didn’t get the best toys of the day — the box that the FroliCat came in, and the pipe cleaner my human had off camera to help me pose!

Disclaimer: The links to the Kitty Cuddle Pal and FroliCat are affiliate links, which means if you click through to the PetCo website and buy them, I will get a commission. I only included the links because I liked them and thought you might too.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Holiday eCards From My Friends

Merry Christmas and thanks to all my pals who shared eCards this year! Enjoy them — I certainly did! I’ve also linked to each sender’s blog — let me know if I’ve missed you!

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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Christmas Eve: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Okay, the truth is that it was mostly good. But let’s start with the bad and ugly.

There was an outfit to be worn.

It was too big for me. Can you see how much the front strap sticks out?

It fit Binga much better, but in spite of her benign expression here, wearing it put her in a really bad mood. Boodie lucks out. She never has to wear anything because she’s shy and my human feels sorry for her. I don’t know why she does not feel equally sorry for me or Binga after we’ve been stuck wearing these things.

The good was that I got a nice surprise package from my Daily Abyssinian friends, Jacoby and his human!

It included a cute card and a 2014 kitty cartoon calendar that Jake’s human created.

In fact, Jake’s human is really creative! The big surprise was this Somali stuffie that she made herself! She has done plush Abys before, but I think this is the first time she has tried a Somali.

Its tail is even bigger than mine! I am kind of envious.

On top of being such a wonderfully sweet and generous gesture, giving us this Somali stuffie solved the problem of what to do with the dress after Binga and I rejected it. Thanks so much, Jake and Coco! You are both awesome!

I also got my Secret Paws presents just in time to open them up on Christmas Eve! They are from my new friend Spike William. I have only known him for a few months, but I knew the kitties before him, Willow and China Cat, for several years. In fact one year, I got to send them Secret Paws gifts. Sadly, they both died this past year, Willow in March and China Cat in July. Spike was adopted in time to know China Cat a little. He is still young and quite lively!

Look at all these awesome gifts! As soon as my human has a break between the holiday parties she is attending with her boyfriend, I will have her edit the rest of the photos so I can put them up on the Secret Paws 2013 blog!
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

My Christmas eCard

Happy holidays! Here is my 2013 eCard — feel free to take it! I have two different sizes.

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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

The Bad Christmas Kitty, Part 3

For Part 1 of this 3-part story, go here.

For Part 2 of this 3-part story, go here.

It happened while the family was decorating their house for Christmas. They went out for a while and came home with a tree that was taller than the Dad. Bad Kitty watched with big eyes. It was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. As the Mom and the Dad were putting up the tree, he ran around their feet and tried to play with the branches. The pine scent made his nose tickle and he sneezed.

“Ryan, could you take the kitty to your room until we are finished getting the tree in the stand?” asked the Mom.

Ryan took Bad Kitty to his bedroom, along with Bad Kitty’s favorite toy — a long plastic stick with a lot of feathers on one end — and they played until the tree was ready to be trimmed.

“We have to do something different this year,” the Mom told Ryan and Emma. “We can only put plastic ornaments on the bottom branches of the tree. We don’t want the kitty to knock off any ornaments that can break and hurt him.”

It was while Ryan, Emma and Bad Kitty were choosing ornaments that the phone rang. The Mom answered it in the kitchen, and Ryan could hear her talking.

“Yes, with a black tip on his tail. He’s very cute. I found him, or I should say, my son found him outside the school. Really? Are you sure? Really sure? Well, what’s his name? Okay. Thank you. Good-bye.”

The Mom came back to the living room with a strange look on her face.

“That was the kitty’s owner,” she said.

“No!” said Emma. “Do we have to give him back?”

Everyone looked up at the Mom with worried expressions. Even Bad Kitty. He could tell something important was happening.

“No, we don’t have to give him back,” said the Mom. “They don’t want him.”

“Yay!” Emma squealed, and Ryan was so relieved he didn’t even get mad at her.

“But why don’t they want him?” he asked.

“The lady said he was too rambunctious,” said the Mom.

“Ram-what?” asked Emma.

“It means he gets into too much trouble,” said Ryan, proud that he knew. “That is just silly. He’s curious and playful. That’s all.”

“Did his owner tell you what his name was?” the Dad asked.

“Yes. It’s… Tiger.”

“Tiger!” said Ryan. “He doesn’t look like a ‘Tiger.’ Let’s give him a new name. How about — Fred?”

“Fred?” Emma frowned. “I don’t like that!”

“Let’s see what the kitty thinks,” said Ryan. He crouched down and petted Bad Kitty. “What do you think, Fred? Freddie? Freddie-boy?”

Freddie purred and gave Ryan a headbutt.

“I guess that settles it,” said the Mom. “Freddie it is.”

Freddie sneezed in agreement and everybody laughed.

But it wasn’t the tree that was making Freddie sneeze. He began sneezing more and more over the next couple of days, and his eyes began to water. He stopped playing with Ryan and did not jump on the kitchen counter even once. Instead of knocking the plastic ornaments off the Christmas tree branches, he slept next to the presents. He wasn’t even interested in scratching on the new cat tree that the Mom and the Dad brought home for him.

“Poor Freddie,” said Ryan. “He’s sick.”

“Let’s take him to the cat and dog hospital and see what they say,” said the Mom.

Freddie did not complain when the Mom bundled him up and put him in a cat carrier. The Mom dropped off Emma to play at a friend’s house, but she said Ryan was old enough to come with her and Freddie.

At the cat and dog hospital, Dr. Lowen examined Freddie. She listened to his heart and looked in his mouth and ears. Freddie did not complain. He just looked sad.

“Freddie is a very sick boy,” Dr. Lowen told the Mom and Ryan. “He has a nasty upper respiratory illness.”

“What’s that?” Ryan asked.

“It’s like a cold, only worse,” Dr. Lowen explained. “If he was any sicker, I would want to keep him here. But I will let you take him home with some medicine. If he doesn’t start getting better in a few days, please bring him back.”

Freddie only struggled a little bit when the Mom and Ryan gave him his daily dropper full of medicine, but he did not get better or worse. He just looked sad and watery-eyed.

“Is Freddie ever going to get better?” Emma asked.

“I hope so,” said the Mom. “If he is not better soon, we will have to take him back to Dr. Lowen.”

“But Christmas is day after tomorrow,” said Ryan. “What if he gets sicker and they’re closed?”

“I don’t know,” said the Mom. “We will either have to wait or take him to the emergency pet hospital.”

The next day was Christmas Eve, and even though Ryan and Emma were excited, they were still worried about Freddie. Freddie continued to sleep a lot under the tree. He was very quiet. Ryan slid under the tree and scratched Freddie under the chin.

“Come on, buddy,” he said, “please feel better.”

Freddie stretched out one long, striped paw and pushed his head into Ryan’s hand.

“It’s bedtime,” said the Mom. “we’ll see how Freddie is tomorrow.”

Emma helped the Mom put out a glass of milk and the Mom’s special sugar cookies for Santa. Then she and Ryan reluctantly went to bed. Ryan looked back at the Christmas tree, but he wasn’t thinking of the presents he was getting in the morning.

The Mom and Dad went to bed a little while later. Before the Mom turned off the Christmas lights, she kneeled down and stroked Freddie on his cheek.

“We love you, Freddie,” she said.

The house was dark, but Freddie had a hard time sleeping. He had slept so much, he was starting to get bored. He stood up and stretched his front paws out as long as he could. Then he batted at an ornament that glittered in the dim glow from one of the outdoor lights. He sniffed the sweet pine smell of the tree. It reminded him of that time, long, long ago when he was a kitten and lived outdoors. He wondered what it would be like to climb the tree.

Slowly, he got up on his hind legs and began grabbing at branches with his front paws. It was fun! He climbed higher and higher up the tree, playing with the silvery garland and batting at ornaments that bobbed back and forth. About halfway up the tree, one of the ornaments Freddie pawed at fell to the ground with a crack! The noise startled him and he tried to scramble away, but he got stuck in the tree. Suddenly he felt the tree start to topple over. Freddie panicked and pushed away from the tree with his strong hind legs. The tree landed on the floor with a crash and tangled up Freddie in its branches.

As Freddie struggled to escape, the living room lights came on.

“It’s Santa!” yelled Emma as she ran in from her bedroom.

“It’s not Santa,” said the Mom. “The tree fell over.”

Freddie poked his head up from the ruined Christmas tree, bright-eyed and surprised.

“Freddie! You knocked down the tree!” said Ryan.

“Isn’t that great?” he asked the Mom and the Dad. “That means he’s feeling better!”

“Well, I don’t know how ‘great’ it is,” said the Dad, “but it is good that Freddie is feeling better. We were worried about him.”

“Freddie is a bad kitty!” said Emma.

Ryan scooped up Freddie and hugged him. “No he’s not. Who cares about a dumb Christmas tree anyway? Freddie is the best cat ever!”

THE END

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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Dear Sparkle: Why Won’t My Human Let Me Lick Her?

Dear Sparkle,

I thought I was in good with my human, but I am beginning to have my doubts. I mean, she is nice enough to me — she always buys me canned food in my favorite flavors and I know she is using her bonus money from work to replace my old cat tree with a new one. But even so, there are times when I wonder if she really likes me, especially when I try to lick her. She always pulls her hand or face away really quick and says it is “unsanitary.” I don’t get it — why is she rejecting my displays of affection?

Signed,

Spurned and Burned

Dear Spurned,

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your relationship with your human. She is just a little bit quirky, as are you. She is probably used to kitties who show affection by head butting, lying on top of her while she is sleeping, or sitting on the floor in the meatloaf position with their back ends facing her (a clear sign that we kitties are guarding our human from any predators). I don’t know the percentage of cats who regularly lick their humans, but I can assure you that you are in the minority. The cat before me did this, but I don’t. Binga does it — to everyone! — but Boodie has only done it a couple of times. Of course we kitties lick each other, but we are used to this sort of social interaction. Some humans don’t realize what an honor it is for them to be included in what is usually a cat-only ritual. And some, like your human, are concerned that it is “unsanitary.” And you know what? Your human has a point!

In spite of their efforts to stay clean by either immersing themselves in water, or letting water shower over them, humans are not always the cleanest creatures. They go out all day and touch all sorts of disgusting, chemical things — and then they touch their faces. Female humans even put all sorts of weird, smelly chemicals on their faces in this strange belief that it makes them more attractive. Seriously, think about it — do you really want to lick that gunk? So I actually think your human is being very sweet and protective of you. She does not want you licking anything unsanitary, which is why she is discouraging you from this activity. I hope I have helped you gain a new perspective on her strange and seemingly cold actions.
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Tidy Cats Coupon Mania – and Giveaway!

At the beginning of the month, my human got an email offer from the Tidy Cats humans. If I could quickly put together some sort of logo, they said they would co-brand some $5 off coupons with me. So I told my human to come up with something for them — I figured my readers would want to save on cat litter!

I am not sure if this counts as a logo, but they used it anyway!

They told me that I would probably be getting around 25 coupons, but when they came in the mail a few days ago, I got a big surprise — there were 150 coupons!

I knew I was going to do a giveaway, just not quite this big!

So here is the scoop (pun intended) on the coupons: they are $5 off and are good for any Purina Tidy Cats litter, any size, any variety (the only litter that is excluded is Tidy Cats 24/7 Performance LightWeight Litter). The expiration date is December 31, 2014, so you have a whole year to use them. Unfortunately for my international readers, they are only good in the United States.

I am giving away a stack of 10 coupons (a $50 value) to 9 different readers, plus one more stack of 10 coupons to a lucky newsletter subscriber. I will also pick one reader who will get the remaining 50 coupons to give to a local cat rescue! All you have to do to qualify is be a U.S. resident (or enter on behalf of someone in the U.S.), and tell me you want to enter in the comments below — and tell me the name of your favorite local cat rescue. I will randomly pick the 11 winners on Monday, December 30!

There is also a bonus: when my human went to the Friskies press conference a couple of weeks ago, she came home with a “Buy 1, get 1 free” Friskies coupon. If you want the Friskies coupon, say so in your comment, and I will give it away to the first reader I pick who mentioned it, along with the Tidy Cats coupons.

It is coupon mania around here! Good luck!
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!

Sunday Catinee: The Christmas 2013 Edition

Preempted by last week’s video about Simon’s REAL cats, here is your Christmas cat video program! Although each video is brief, I’ve got a lot for you today, and I’ve picked ones that I haven’t seen shared all over the Cat Blogosphere yet. So you humans may want to get some popcorn, and you kitties may want to grab a bowl of free-dried chicken.

This sneaky human wondered what his cat Andy did with the Christmas tree while he was out of the house, so he installed a secret, time-lapse video. Kitty got busted!

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

Here is one man’s answer to having a cat proof Christmas tree — and he needed it!

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

Marmalade and Cole, the two cats from the above video, also star in this heart-warming video, A Cat’s Guide to Christmas.

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

And of course, we can’t forget Simon’s Cat with this year’s adventure… in two parts! Here is part one:

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

Things don’t work out so well for Simon’s Cat in part two:

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

And while Simon’s own cats are usually the inspiration for his animations, I wonder if Pepper below wasn’t the one who inspired the above two cartoons. The clip is from 2007 — note the fireplace in the background:

If you can’t see the above video, click here to watch it on YouTube!

Merry Catinee Christmas!
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Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!