Abhijit Naskar's Blog - Posts Tagged "pursuit-of-dreams"
Why do we crave for social approval
Nobody is immune to social conditioning or as people like to call it, social programming. Which means that everybody is vulnerable to this process of social programming - to social pressure. But the question that we are interested in here is why? Why do we crave for acceptance from the society? Why do we crave for approval of the society.
Unless a person has some sort of pathological condition that makes the person unable to create a healthy bond between the self and the society, everybody has the urge for being accepted by the society, by the community, by the environment - to look for approval from others. So, what is the reason that we look for approval from others, from the people around us? The reason is that we are not wired to be loners. We are social animals. Being in a community makes us stronger. And that's the faculty that actually enabled our ancestors in the jungle to survive against the forces of nature - against predators and all sorts of wild obstacles.
So we built communities, but it's not enough to build communities. The members in that community must have a neurological bond with that community - they must have a craving to belong to that community. You cannot just gather some people and say, this is my community. They must feel that they are part of that community in order for the community to survive against all odds, which at that time, that is, in the kingdom of the wild was rather imperative.
So being in a community means we are psychologically wired to feel that we are part of that community, which brings along an innate craving to be accepted by others in that community - by the majority of that community - to look for approval in everything that we do from others in that community - to look for appreciation for our actions - to look for appraisal from others, for our achievements, for our successes.
In the wild, it worked well. And even today it keeps a people together. That's okay. So it is not completely harmful, but what is harmful is that this very trait has also a negative side and rather devastatingly negative side negative aspect, which is that this craving, this social conditioning often compels a person to go against his or her own passion, his or her own uniqueness to be accepted by the society. So the person ends up doing what the society wants instead of doing what that person really wanted to do in the first place, whether it is about living life, whether it is about achieving a certain goal, or anything else.
In the end, the majority of people end up achieving the goals that a society wishes them to achieve as members of the community. And the same goes for wishes, the same goes for desires, the same goes with behaviors, the same goes for thought thinking - the same goes with emotions and feelings and sentiments and ambitions and so on. So we ended up living secondhand lives. We end up living lives of mindless machines - we end up living lives of slaves of the society instead of living the life that we want.
If a person is happy with living the way that the person is living while following the norms of the society, then that's completely fine. But if the person has to completely change himself or herself to follow the norms of the society, then that's dangerous and downright inhuman because all the progress that we have attained so far as a species took place because of the handful of so-called misfits who had the courage to go against the societal norms, to follow their dreams, to follow their passions, to follow their own original thoughts and ideas and inklings and passions.
In short, rules and norms of a society do not ensure progress. In fact, the rules that the society creates are there to ensure security, not to ensure progress. To ensure progress, one must first sacrifice security to achieve something that nobody has achieved ever before - one must have the guts to turn a blind eye to the mockery, the criticisms, the disapprovals of one's society. Only by doing this can one achieve what that person really wants for himself or herself. This doesn't mean rebelling against society violently or aggressively - it simply means paying no attention to the society's selfish expectations, instead, the person must focus all their attention, all their energy on the one idea that is most important to them - to that one dream, that one passion, that one purpose.
Unless a person has some sort of pathological condition that makes the person unable to create a healthy bond between the self and the society, everybody has the urge for being accepted by the society, by the community, by the environment - to look for approval from others. So, what is the reason that we look for approval from others, from the people around us? The reason is that we are not wired to be loners. We are social animals. Being in a community makes us stronger. And that's the faculty that actually enabled our ancestors in the jungle to survive against the forces of nature - against predators and all sorts of wild obstacles.
So we built communities, but it's not enough to build communities. The members in that community must have a neurological bond with that community - they must have a craving to belong to that community. You cannot just gather some people and say, this is my community. They must feel that they are part of that community in order for the community to survive against all odds, which at that time, that is, in the kingdom of the wild was rather imperative.
So being in a community means we are psychologically wired to feel that we are part of that community, which brings along an innate craving to be accepted by others in that community - by the majority of that community - to look for approval in everything that we do from others in that community - to look for appreciation for our actions - to look for appraisal from others, for our achievements, for our successes.
In the wild, it worked well. And even today it keeps a people together. That's okay. So it is not completely harmful, but what is harmful is that this very trait has also a negative side and rather devastatingly negative side negative aspect, which is that this craving, this social conditioning often compels a person to go against his or her own passion, his or her own uniqueness to be accepted by the society. So the person ends up doing what the society wants instead of doing what that person really wanted to do in the first place, whether it is about living life, whether it is about achieving a certain goal, or anything else.
In the end, the majority of people end up achieving the goals that a society wishes them to achieve as members of the community. And the same goes for wishes, the same goes for desires, the same goes with behaviors, the same goes for thought thinking - the same goes with emotions and feelings and sentiments and ambitions and so on. So we ended up living secondhand lives. We end up living lives of mindless machines - we end up living lives of slaves of the society instead of living the life that we want.
If a person is happy with living the way that the person is living while following the norms of the society, then that's completely fine. But if the person has to completely change himself or herself to follow the norms of the society, then that's dangerous and downright inhuman because all the progress that we have attained so far as a species took place because of the handful of so-called misfits who had the courage to go against the societal norms, to follow their dreams, to follow their passions, to follow their own original thoughts and ideas and inklings and passions.
In short, rules and norms of a society do not ensure progress. In fact, the rules that the society creates are there to ensure security, not to ensure progress. To ensure progress, one must first sacrifice security to achieve something that nobody has achieved ever before - one must have the guts to turn a blind eye to the mockery, the criticisms, the disapprovals of one's society. Only by doing this can one achieve what that person really wants for himself or herself. This doesn't mean rebelling against society violently or aggressively - it simply means paying no attention to the society's selfish expectations, instead, the person must focus all their attention, all their energy on the one idea that is most important to them - to that one dream, that one passion, that one purpose.
Sonnet of Life Lessons | Handcrafted Humanity
Rich is not the one who's got a lot of dough,
But one whose touch make others forget their woe.
Happy is not the one who's always chasing pleasure,
But one who forgets all pleasure helping another grow.
Success is not about getting recognition,
Success is about achieving excellence beyond norm.
Achievement is not when you reach a certain goal,
But when your goal lifts others beyond your home.
Destiny is not a script written by a superman,
But one you write yourself with your labor and sweat.
Sanctity is not what priests sell you at the church,
But how you behave with others outside the church gate.
Nobody can give you lessons of life packed in a few lines.
If you know to help another, your heart knows all the lines.
But one whose touch make others forget their woe.
Happy is not the one who's always chasing pleasure,
But one who forgets all pleasure helping another grow.
Success is not about getting recognition,
Success is about achieving excellence beyond norm.
Achievement is not when you reach a certain goal,
But when your goal lifts others beyond your home.
Destiny is not a script written by a superman,
But one you write yourself with your labor and sweat.
Sanctity is not what priests sell you at the church,
But how you behave with others outside the church gate.
Nobody can give you lessons of life packed in a few lines.
If you know to help another, your heart knows all the lines.
Honor He Wrote Sonnet 22
You don't know love, till you've known heartbreak,
You won't know sight, till you've known blindness.
You don't know courage, till you've felt helpless,
You won't know light, till you've been in darkness.
Darkest clouds herald the brightest sunshine,
Direst circumstances make the bravest of character.
Heavier the rainfall, more breathtaking the rainbow,
Steeper the hill to climb, sweeter the summit vista.
Once your back is against the wall, only way is through,
You won't know integrity, till you are left in pieces.
Lose all identity, only then you'll know to be human,
You won't know wholeness, till you've felt nothingness.
More ominous the night, more spectacular the daybreak.
Till we're wiped out for a purpose, there’s no upliftment.
You won't know sight, till you've known blindness.
You don't know courage, till you've felt helpless,
You won't know light, till you've been in darkness.
Darkest clouds herald the brightest sunshine,
Direst circumstances make the bravest of character.
Heavier the rainfall, more breathtaking the rainbow,
Steeper the hill to climb, sweeter the summit vista.
Once your back is against the wall, only way is through,
You won't know integrity, till you are left in pieces.
Lose all identity, only then you'll know to be human,
You won't know wholeness, till you've felt nothingness.
More ominous the night, more spectacular the daybreak.
Till we're wiped out for a purpose, there’s no upliftment.
The Empowered Sonnet | Gospel of Undoctrination
Woman empowered is civilization empowered.
Dream empowered is progress empowered.
Parents empowered is children empowered.
Teachers empowered is future empowered.
Don’t defund the police, use those funds,
To send the officers to behavioral therapy.
To have an understanding of justice and order,
We must have a grip over our impulses and biases.
Discrimination don’t disappear if we shut our eyes,
Each of us must live as an antidote to discrimination.
Ignorance doesn’t become knowledge when peddled by scripture,
Better burn all scriptures if they peddle hate and division.
To conquer our biases and stereotypes is to conquer inhumanity.
To expand our heart beyond assumption is to empower humanity.
Dream empowered is progress empowered.
Parents empowered is children empowered.
Teachers empowered is future empowered.
Don’t defund the police, use those funds,
To send the officers to behavioral therapy.
To have an understanding of justice and order,
We must have a grip over our impulses and biases.
Discrimination don’t disappear if we shut our eyes,
Each of us must live as an antidote to discrimination.
Ignorance doesn’t become knowledge when peddled by scripture,
Better burn all scriptures if they peddle hate and division.
To conquer our biases and stereotypes is to conquer inhumanity.
To expand our heart beyond assumption is to empower humanity.
No Pain, No Hope (The Sonnet) | Himalayan Sonneteer
Heavier the pain, greater the hope,
But the language of hope is not inaction.
Real hope brings a sense of responsibility,
Whereas imitation hope induces stagnation.
Heavier the pain, stronger the purpose,
But all purpose is fiction without footwork.
Real purpose does not let you sleep at night,
Imitation purpose keeps you aloof from work.
Crueler the punishment, braver the love,
It is no love that avoids punishment.
Only half lovers try to keep pain at bay,
Soaked in pain true lovers emerge triumphant.
Crazier the torture, sweeter the memories.
There is no character if there is no crisis.
But the language of hope is not inaction.
Real hope brings a sense of responsibility,
Whereas imitation hope induces stagnation.
Heavier the pain, stronger the purpose,
But all purpose is fiction without footwork.
Real purpose does not let you sleep at night,
Imitation purpose keeps you aloof from work.
Crueler the punishment, braver the love,
It is no love that avoids punishment.
Only half lovers try to keep pain at bay,
Soaked in pain true lovers emerge triumphant.
Crazier the torture, sweeter the memories.
There is no character if there is no crisis.
Graveyard of Dreams (The Sonnet) | Yarasistan
When the heart is born in the middle of a desert,
Is it wrong for them to set out in search of water!
Or should the heart remain a handicapped patriot,
Never to realize and manifest their rightful power!
No heart is ever known by the land they are born in,
Heart is known by the light it pours out into the world.
I say, cut off all allegiance to the intolerant desert,
And seek out the land where your roots are watered.
Heart’s allegiance is only to light, not to some puny tribe,
Land your feet where they greet you with garland, not shackles.
Those who continue to peddle patriotism to guilt trap the genius,
Are the last people to deserve exclusive rights to light universal.
Seek out an environment conducive to your light,
Instead of being chained to the graveyard of dreams.
Wield your light with all your conviction and dignity,
And you’ll illuminate all, even the dreamkilling fiends.
Is it wrong for them to set out in search of water!
Or should the heart remain a handicapped patriot,
Never to realize and manifest their rightful power!
No heart is ever known by the land they are born in,
Heart is known by the light it pours out into the world.
I say, cut off all allegiance to the intolerant desert,
And seek out the land where your roots are watered.
Heart’s allegiance is only to light, not to some puny tribe,
Land your feet where they greet you with garland, not shackles.
Those who continue to peddle patriotism to guilt trap the genius,
Are the last people to deserve exclusive rights to light universal.
Seek out an environment conducive to your light,
Instead of being chained to the graveyard of dreams.
Wield your light with all your conviction and dignity,
And you’ll illuminate all, even the dreamkilling fiends.
Ambition in Motion (The Sonnet) | Yarasistan
Come hell or high water,
Never let caution cripple your feet.
Better to fall hard and learn a lesson,
Than speculate forever with couched feet.
Everything I’ve achieved is by trial and error,
There was no handbook to aid my mission.
Maps to known paths are available plenty,
But there is no map to uncharted destination.
You are the handbook to your ambition,
Not your background or family treasures.
If you persist long enough, at some point,
Your persistence will outrun your failures.
Better fail than frozen – failure is the foundation.
Failure is the first sign of ambition in motion.
Never let caution cripple your feet.
Better to fall hard and learn a lesson,
Than speculate forever with couched feet.
Everything I’ve achieved is by trial and error,
There was no handbook to aid my mission.
Maps to known paths are available plenty,
But there is no map to uncharted destination.
You are the handbook to your ambition,
Not your background or family treasures.
If you persist long enough, at some point,
Your persistence will outrun your failures.
Better fail than frozen – failure is the foundation.
Failure is the first sign of ambition in motion.
Worth of Human | Every Generation Needs Caretakers
What is the point of you? What is your worth? And by worth I am not talking about your financial value, I am talking about something much more significant than that. So, I ask again – what is your worth? And you won’t find the answer in any scripture or church – you won’t find it even in this book. Because no external power can give you the answer to something so incredibly existential in nature.
If you want to know your worth, ask yourself, what are you without your bank account. The worth of a person lies in character. The same goes for a nation and the same goes for a world. Therefore, a nation’s worth lies not in the value of its currency, but in the character of its people. And it all begins with the individual – it all begins with you. Your character holds not just the worth of your own life, but that of the lives of your people as well. So, feel like it’s the feeling of your society and act like it’s the action of your society.
But mark you, here I do not mean, feeling and acting like the society, rather, I am asking you to feel, think and act as an original, brave and conscientious human being, so that you become the very emblem of humanhood in front of others, for them to draw their life’s inspiration from. Doing what the society wants, makes you a second hand human – wanting the society to do what you want, makes you a narcissistic bigot – but being an embodiment of humanhood without any expectation from others, is what makes you a sentient human.
If you want to know your worth, ask yourself, what are you without your bank account. The worth of a person lies in character. The same goes for a nation and the same goes for a world. Therefore, a nation’s worth lies not in the value of its currency, but in the character of its people. And it all begins with the individual – it all begins with you. Your character holds not just the worth of your own life, but that of the lives of your people as well. So, feel like it’s the feeling of your society and act like it’s the action of your society.
But mark you, here I do not mean, feeling and acting like the society, rather, I am asking you to feel, think and act as an original, brave and conscientious human being, so that you become the very emblem of humanhood in front of others, for them to draw their life’s inspiration from. Doing what the society wants, makes you a second hand human – wanting the society to do what you want, makes you a narcissistic bigot – but being an embodiment of humanhood without any expectation from others, is what makes you a sentient human.
Sonnet 1143 | Vande Vasudhaivam
Give me some sunshine,
Give me some rain!
Why the hell am I asking you,
When I’m the steward of my own reign!
Ship of society is sinking,
O Young and Bold, now hail the helm!
Come to the rescue of those lost at sea,
To hell with the nonsense of shame and fame!
My religion is to rescue the fallen,
My creed to care for the persecuted.
Faith, reason, nation, I heed none,
Obliterated in love heart is illuminated.
Shedding all fears both ragged and posh,
Let’s go play in the courtyard of the cosmos!
Give me some rain!
Why the hell am I asking you,
When I’m the steward of my own reign!
Ship of society is sinking,
O Young and Bold, now hail the helm!
Come to the rescue of those lost at sea,
To hell with the nonsense of shame and fame!
My religion is to rescue the fallen,
My creed to care for the persecuted.
Faith, reason, nation, I heed none,
Obliterated in love heart is illuminated.
Shedding all fears both ragged and posh,
Let’s go play in the courtyard of the cosmos!
