Abhijit Naskar's Blog - Posts Tagged "life-lessons"

Love - the most beautiful word on this planet. This one word has revolutionized the whole planet in an evolutionary way. Without this none of us might have been born. It is mother nature's magical wand by the touch of which everything turns surreal and captivating.

It is the most important ingredient of human life. That's why the tiniest glance at your dearly beloved can make you experience heaven right here on earth. Or as I have said in my book Love Sutra The Neuroscientific Manual of Love, "who wants Jesus when you can have the warm embrace of the person who is the living embodiment of all your desires".

But, despite all the delightful descriptions of love, why is it so hard to maintain a healthy relationship?

If the mental state of love is so soothing then why do people often fail to maintain a healthy relationship?

The answer lies deep within the neural network of the human brain.
In short the cause of failure in relationships is the perceptual difference between the male and female mind. It is all in the fascinating neurobiology of the human brain.

The point is, the male and female brain constructs a vivid and gender oriented mental universe. Thus, the male mind perceives every situation of daily life from a typically male perspective and expects the female to do the same, while the female brain observes everything in a feminine manner and expects the male to do the same. And from this very gender based perceptual conflict rise all the predicaments of a relationship.

Therefore, the only way to sustain a healthy relationship is to have a basic insight of your own as well as your partner's mental universe.

And the very first thing to know about the male and female mental universe is that the female brain is a highly intuitive emotion engine, while the male brain is an analytical powerhouse.

Through millions of years of evolution, Mother Nature has molded the female brain to thrive over emotions, and the male brain to thrive over competition. From a cursory reading, a man and a woman may seem to be members of the same species. But they are neurologically distinct and unique creatures, who see the world from completely different perspectives.

They think differently, feel differently, get mad differently and even handle problems differently. The male brain is a problem solving machine that uses analytical brain structures to find solutions for basic problems of life, unlike the female brain that uses emotional neural structures to solve problems.

Men are born with uniquely masculine neurological circuits while women are born with uniquely feminine circuits. This is what we call sexual dimorphism in clinical terms. And this dimorphism in brain structure leads to distinctive cognitive and behavioral features in men and women. You can read about these fascinating sexually dimorphic features in my book Love Sutra: The Neuroscientific Manual of Love. In this book I have opened up the entire mental universe of men and women while giving a basic guideline for a healthy relationship.

Let me tell you a little more about the fascinating difference between the male and female mind. For example, the male brain is evolutionarily programmed to think about mating far more than women. And this programming has led men to have sexual thoughts more often throughout the day than the women. Women only have such thoughts four or less times in a day.

Another fascinating feature of the female brain is its retention of memories connected to emotional events in the long run. Women are much better at remembering emotional events of life in the long run than men. And off course, the female brain is a great emotion sensor. It is capable of picking up emotional cues from the facial expressions and other body movements of people. Men are not so good at this, for which women often blame the men to be less sensitive. And here's a little tip for all the ladies out there. If you want to make your partner sense your emotions, you can do so by bursting into tears. That's the only way, the male brain can feel there's something wrong. It is plain biology.

And as for men, I'd like to tell you, your neurology may not be as emotionally sensitive as the women's. But that does not mean you cannot grow the virtue of patience. All that women seek in men, is patience with a little tinge of perseverance. And thanks to the amazing neurological feature known as neuroplasticity, the human brain, male and female alike, can learn and adopt new features in the neural network.

It is all about making efforts from both sides of a relationship. Relationships don't fail due to lack of love. Rather they fail because the partners lose touch with each other's inner selves. They get lost in the storm of confusions and meaninglessness. One way or another they start fighting with each other's biological instincts, that ultimately leads to misery.

You must remember, biological instincts are the driving force or rather guiding force of a species. Everything our ancestors learnt throughout their existence is encoded inside our instinctual blueprint. It is the key to understanding how every single human being is wired. The marvelous interplay of various brain circuits creates the instinctual reality of daily life in both men and women.

Regardless of your gender, if you are conscious about the fact that there lies a complex yet vividly beautiful brain circuit mechanism behind every single impulse of your daily emotions, then you can choose how to react upon each of those impulses. You can thus program your behavioral response in a certain situation for the best possible outcome.

Apparently we are the smartest species on this planet. We are so civilized and advanced that we have invented cures for countless diseases, stepped foot on the moon and even sent a probe outside our solar system.

But, have all these extraordinary scientific achievements truly improved the quality of life? We the scientists have made life more comfortable, but how much really have we contributed to solving the quintessential problems of life? Modern technology has made life sophisticated, yet the whole human civilization craves for the basic elements of human existence. Civilized humans have the whole world on the palm of their hand, yet they cannot find peace and happiness. With all our scientific achievements have we really discovered any practical means to resolve the ancient conflicts of the human society yet? Have we discovered the path towards happiness?

The answer would be a straight no. But I, Abhijit Naskar, a responsible Neuroscientist of this planet cannot take no for an answer. So, through all my books I have brought the fascinating universe of the human mind into your life. Human mind is the birth place of all our inexplicable scientific achievements as well as the never ending conflicts of human society. These conflicts grab onto the human consciousness like incurable diseases.

And one of those dreadful diseases is misogyny.

Misogyny is the society's common innate prejudice against woman. It has made the whole human civilization crippled. If you truly look, you can find misogyny everywhere in your society. Misogyny runs in the veins of the so called civilized humans. You can find it in the movies, where it is all about objectification of women.

You can even see it in the very English language, where we gloriously use terms like "Man" and "He" to refer to both genders. That's why I try my best to avoid such stereotypical terms in my scientific works. I cannot accept such nonsensical norms in language just because the society says so. And I urge to you to think before you use such language. Ask your rational mind, and you'll receive the answer.

We have misogyny in our society because throughout our existence as a species we have been male-dominated. It is only recently that women have become equally productive in all aspects of life. But in our primitive days, it was men fighting to protect their mates and progeny, and women nourishing the children and taking care of the home. The men were the providers of the family and the women were caretakers. And this strategy worked well for around 200,000 years. That's why all the religious scriptures were written by men.

It's not because God chose the men to convey the divine message, but because men appointed themselves to be the monitor of the divine domain driven by their subconscious desire masking as God's will to become the authority figures of the society.

In my book Biopsy of Religions Neuroanalysis towards Universal Tolerance, you can read in detail about how the human beings of our history constructed such fascinating organized structure of religions and why most of those religions promote sinister ideas of misogyny and polygamy while despising the common biological phenomenon of homosexuality.

What's the point of so many scriptures and highly venerated figures in philosophy, if they don't possess the simple ability to teach us plain ordinary everyday kindness for both man and woman?

Men are neurologically designed to crave for authority and power over everything around them. It is the product of millions of years of evolution, so it cannot be erased just like that over a few decades or even centuries. It'll take time, till the society starts to perceive men and women to be equal. But for that future to arrive sooner, we must join hands and start making efforts right now. The actions we take now shall define our future. We cannot just leave the primitive biological feature of misogyny untreated just because it's evolution. Evolution is a relentless process of biological life. It never stops. And things we do now, shall prepare a less primitive evolutionary future of the human race.

Now is the time, that you think over this matter seriously. Because if we don't, we'll end up carrying on the monstrous prejudicial tradition of misogyny forever. We'll end up leading our world back to the Stone Age.

As I have said in my book Prescription: Treating India's Soul, "neglect of women is the major cause for the society’s downfall."

The man and the woman are the two wheels of the society. If either one becomes defective, the society cannot make progress. There will be hope for the well-being of the entire world only if the humans, men and women alike, stop deeming the women as some kind of inferior creatures. We, the responsible citizens of the world can build a better future for the entire species, only by improving the condition of the women.

And here I am not advocating for feminism. Even though the advocates of feminism gladly use the term to refer to equality between man and woman, the common human brain is not capable of perceiving such equality beyond the gender bias of the very word. It'll be same as using Man to refer to both genders.

Hence, the only words suitable in this scenario is Humanism and Human, rather than Feminism and Man. The future of the human society is at stake here. Those of you who will one day become parents, remember, it is imperative that you raise your children as modern humans of the advanced human civilization, rather than raising boys or girls.

If only one generation takes action in raising their children as Humans, rather than raising boys and girls, the future human civilization shall get rid of the sinister phenomenon of misogyny sooner than you can imagine.

Dear sisters and brothers, share this article with your freethinking friends and start working together in the pursuit of making this world a better place for the future generations.

I am not a writer, writers have limits,
I have none, I only have responsibility,
The responsibility to unite the world,
The responsibility to humanize humanity.
We are setting out on this journey,
With the awareness of being responsible,
For responsibility makes one honorable,
Honor makes one responsible.
Fervor of honor is beginning to fade,
From the fabric of society and self.
It is definitely no sign of progress,
In fact it is a sign of utter decadence.
Honor is, in truth, another name for character.
With the demise of honor all good will disappear.

Rich is not the one who's got a lot of dough,
But one whose touch make others forget their woe.
Happy is not the one who's always chasing pleasure,
But one who forgets all pleasure helping another grow.
Success is not about getting recognition,
Success is about achieving excellence beyond norm.
Achievement is not when you reach a certain goal,
But when your goal lifts others beyond your home.
Destiny is not a script written by a superman,
But one you write yourself with your labor and sweat.
Sanctity is not what priests sell you at the church,
But how you behave with others outside the church gate.
Nobody can give you lessons of life packed in a few lines.
If you know to help another, your heart knows all the lines.

Aham dharmam, aham daivam,
Aham qurban for bhoolokam.
Aham nyayam, aham shastram,
Aham the end of all divisionism.
Aham prakriti, aham pralayam,
Aham the seed of all causality.
I am life, I am death as well,
Life to love ‘n death to inhumanity.
To most people family is the world,
But to me the world is family.
Because I am accountable for all life,
I am the epitome of collectivity.
All that is civilized starts with me.
Aham brahmandam, aham brahmasmi.

(aham: I am, dharmam: duty, daivam: divinity, qurban: sacrificed, bhoolokam: kingdom of earth, nyayam: justice, shastram: gospel, prakriti: nature, pralayam: apocalypse, brahmandam: universe, brahmasmi: almighty)

Hard as steel and soft as flower,
That's the motto for a civilized human.
Tough as thunder, sweet as honey,
That's the motto for a braveheart human.
Not too much unguided sentiments,
Not too much intellectual coldness,
To give either of them total slack,
Is to bring destruction and lifelessness.
Corazón primero, después dinero,*
Thus speaks the human of revolution.
Humanidad primero, después verdad,**
That's the motto for the being of evolution.
Strength, warmth ‘n reason, all are needed.
And all are to be guided by oneness uncorrupted.


(*Heart first, money later. **Humanity first, truth later.)

You don't know love, till you've known heartbreak,
You won't know sight, till you've known blindness.
You don't know courage, till you've felt helpless,
You won't know light, till you've been in darkness.
Darkest clouds herald the brightest sunshine,
Direst circumstances make the bravest of character.
Heavier the rainfall, more breathtaking the rainbow,
Steeper the hill to climb, sweeter the summit vista.
Once your back is against the wall, only way is through,
You won't know integrity, till you are left in pieces.
Lose all identity, only then you'll know to be human,
You won't know wholeness, till you've felt nothingness.
More ominous the night, more spectacular the daybreak.
Till we're wiped out for a purpose, there’s no upliftment.

If a tradition endorses hate and mistrust,
It’s the tradition that we must reject not people.
If a heritage endorses division and discrimination,
It's the heritage that we must reject not people.
If an ancestor passes on bigotry and barbarism,
It’s the ancestor that we must reject not people.
If a bible teaches phobia and separatism,
It’s the bible that we must reject not people.
If a messiah preaches blindness and conspiracy,
It's the messiah that we must reject not people.
If God commands oppression and occupation,
It’s the God that we must reject not people.
Above all commandment, love is the highest truth.
Anything that divides love is a stoneage residue.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is a myth. It doesn’t exist.

What we call happiness is merely a temporary sensation of excitement that we receive upon the fulfillment of our expectations.

It’s not happiness, it’s addiction.

And since we have made a society out of this insane pursuit of addiction, our brain is never at a healthy state to actually fathom and more importantly produce true happiness.

And what is true happiness?

Contentment.

You’ve been working for hours. You haven’t had the time to even have some water. Finally you finish your work and drink a glass of water. The sheer feeling of joy that you receive at that moment – that’s happiness, that’s contentment.

You haven’t been near your loved ones for days, for you’ve been away for work. Finally you get home and take them in your arms – that’s happiness, that’s contentment.

Now let me tell you what is not happiness, what is in fact an unhealthy addiction which only ruins a person’s life both mentally and physically.

You’ve been using the same smartphone for over a year now. Suddenly the brand announces the release of a new model. And you get all hyped up to buy that model, despite the fact that you don’t really need it. That’s addiction – that’s an illness.

You visit a new place on vacation. But instead of experiencing that place with your heart, you bring your phone out and waste the entire vacation on taking pictures to post on social media.

That’s addiction, that’s illness. You know why? Because when you get home, you realize, you have plenty of pictures of the vacation on your phone alright, but you have no meaningful memory of that place in your heart.

In usual circumstances, our brain doesn’t distinguish between addiction and true joy. It can only do that, when we stop running and start living. Because at the end of the day, joy is not about fulfilling expectations, joy is about learning to live beyond expectations.

The more you break me, the stronger I become.
The more you hate me, the gentler I become.
The more you mock me, the kinder I become.
The more you alienate me, the braver I become.
The more you betray me, the more I learn to trust.
The more you disappoint me, the more I feel electrified.
The more you take advantage, the more I learn to care.
The more you backstab me, the more I am energized.
The more you humiliate me, the more I gain humility.
The more you laugh at me, the more I learn to smile.
More you kick me around, more my spine is straightened.
The more you drag me down, the higher I end up flying.
Every bad behavior directed at me amplifies my power.
The broken humans of the world make the greatest healer.