R.J. City's Blog

#80: Another Hellish Month - Burnout Edition

Hey, everyone...!

So July was seriously busy, and by busy I mean a STRUGGLE. For the first time in a good while, I reached burnout, a kind that I'd never really experienced before, but at least I have a name for it now. I know the signs, I can hopefully handle it better in the future! That's looking in a possible viewpoint, right?

And yet July also felt like it went too fast and August snuck up on me, seriously Art Fight was great, by the way!! I sure didn't expect so many people to attack me in the first few days of the Fight, and it kinda forced me to switch tactics - which I think contributed to the burnout fatigue that later plagued me last month.

Attaining a diagnosis of any kind is still in the works, of course... it feels like my insurance company is dragging its feet in trying to assist- almost makes me wish they'd just deny my request already so I'll be forced to handle the cost of an assessment myself. Which that in itself is going to be insanely difficult since I'm rather impulsive when it comes to my monthly allowance, heh... anyway! This blog is really all over the place, huh? Kinda like my brain at the moment (and the coffee is NOT helping-!)

I guess, to the people hoping for a writing update? Uhhhh I got nothing as per usual! Burnout, home responsibilities and just... my mental AND physical health are taking up all possible energy. Half the time my executive function gets messed up so that's a common struggle at least once a week for me. I'm just a mess, is what I'm trying to say. I'm living day by day in hopes that I can somehow function enough to DO something.

So goals for August? Survive the month! Maybe write! Maybe draw! Definitely gonna try to get SOMETHING done, I promise! Thanks for reading this trainwreck of a blog, by the way...

Hope to see you all next month! In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#79: This Road I'm On

Hey, everyone!

So June was more hectic than expected, but hey, at least I survived it?? I think??

I'm currently struggling to focus, but juggling my life is becoming increasingly difficult, and I don't know how much more I can take, honestly. July will be full of me - hopefully - drawing people's characters for ART FIGHT!! So that'll be a nice distraction- on weekdays at least!

Not much has truly honestly changed since I last wrote a blog... the vacation with the family didn't go too well due to my mom's health. And my dad's health. And my sister's and maybe even my own... yeahhhh we all got sick with SOMETHING while on the road... just hope it clears up soon! I wanna have enough energy to do something (anything) next month, yeah?

Very little progress made with my autism assessment. I can't seem to encourage my dad that it's necessary and he could easily cover the bill for it... my insurance doesn't seem to be budging which is FRUSTRATING. That's really all I'm waiting on, to be honest... the financial part of it all. I'm so fucking READY to get a diagnosis. I have been since January, to be very honest with you all~

So yeah! That was June! Lots of stress and panic and illness but I'm still hopeful for July and Art Fight as a whole~ Hope to see you all next month! In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

OH AND HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y'ALL <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#78: One Hell of a Break

Jeeze, that moment you realize you haven't written a blog in since February...

Anyway, here I be! With a blog just for you, loyal readers who may or may not exist yet-! I am alive (I think so anyway)!! Man, I didn't even realize that I haven't written a blog in MONTHS... only just learned of that when I went to sit down just now to write this one, oopsie!

Truth be told, I don't really have a lot to report. Still struggling with mental health in general and being a caregiver to both parents is... trying. That being said, I haven't gotten any writing done whatsoever in the meantime. Thankfully, I've been drawing more and more lately, and I really enjoy it. It honestly helps me relieve stress and it's just fun to draw my characters. I can't quite explain it too well. I've been dealing with panic attacks and what they truly are are MELTDOWNS that if not worked on or deterred turn INTO panic attacks... but that's besides the point!

I don't want to get too personal with this blog, so I won't. Just letting everyone know that everything is largely the same for me; I'm just working out my emotions and what I truly feel about myself and the world around me. I'm still working to get assessed for autism and maybe even ADHD. It's just been so frustrating and I don't want to get into that again, so I'll just say that I'm surviving. I hope June is better. Especially since I have plans to go on vacation with the entire family because it's my parents' 50th wedding anniversary (yippee)!

Anyway, I really hope to see you all next month for better news and progress! In the meantime, though, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#77: Diagnosis Difficulties

Heya, reader! Hope you had a good month!

Man, February went super fast, or is it just me...? Anyway, this month was a whirlwind. I've been getting used to my new anxiety medication, as well as other methods of self-care and self-regulation. Stimming's been a real lifesaver and I'm so glad I can do it freely around family members.

Oh, and speaking of family members... a friend of the family is now staying with us- for probably the next half year or so! It's been... rather... difficult to get used to having someone else in the house, especially when I don't know how my autistic tendencies will make him react/think of me differently. Thankfully, my routine hasn't been altered too much in the meantime, but it's still a lot to deal with, I won't lie. I have to mask a bit more around him, but at least I'm TRYING to make it work!

Been dealing with a massive amount of... well, what I can only decipher as executive dysfunction because I WANT to draw, but for the last two or so weeks, I've struggled to get anything done. It's not artblock, I know that! My only conclusion is executive dysfunction, and another sign that I might have ADHD to handle as well as the possible autism.

Speaking of autism! (man, I'm so great with segues today!) I still haven't been able to schedule a face-to-face assessment with the specialist my therapist recommended to me. Literally a week ago, they emailed saying that they'd call me (even though I've stated MULTIPLE times that I prefer emails/text over phone calls) once my insurance was approved and accepted. It's been a week and nothing! If I don't hear something by the end of this week, I might attempt communication again, and if nothing then I'll have to talk to my therapist about it. She'll know how to help, I'm sure. I just can't tell ya who's fault for the delay this all is... is it the specialist? Or is my insurance company dragging its metaphorical feet? I suppose I just have to be patient, but it's been so frustrating. Every time I try to explain my "weird actions/reactions" to my Dad, he still remains skeptic that I'm autistic. And I want that to stop. It's not an excuse, and never will be. It shouldn't be seen as one.

Wow, what a long tangent... I think. You guys reading (if you even exist) are here for the book stuff! Which I have no news for yet again 'cause, if it wasn't obvious yet, I have enough distractions and struggles that I can't find the time to draw, let alone WRITE. And for that I apologize. I wish I had a better reason/excuse/explanation.

Anyway, I'll see you all next month for some (hopefully) good news! In the meantime, though, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#76: Some Personal Improvements

Hey, readers of this obscure blog of mine!

I am very happy to say that... there have been some improvements made to my daily living. I was able to meet with my primary doctor for the first time in literal YEARS and she had me begin taking medication for my daily anxiety, as well as impending panic attacks. So yeah, I'm medicated now! HURRAY!

Oh, and I'm also seeing a therapist on the sidelines, and she in turn helped me get in touch with autism resources 'cause guess WHAT! Both my doctor and therapist believe my assumptions to be correct, especially after seeing the results of the assessment I completed back in December (which took a month to finish up, of course...) All this to say, I'm finally being understood and assisted! There are still days where I struggle of course, but I already feel the positive changes and hope that it continues throughout the rest of 2023!

On the other side of things, I haven't written or drawn much the past month... all focus seems to be on my personal life and bettering myself in that way? So sorry? I mean, I didn't expect to suddenly dive back into writing and editing so soon anyway, but I HAVE been thinking of my characters on the daily, so it's not like they're dead to me or anything.

I don't believe I have anything else to discuss, so I suppose I'll see you all next month! Mayhaps~ In the meantime, though, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#75: The Mixed Bag of 2022

So. 2022 huh?

Firstly, I apologize for such a late recap blog regarding last year! December was very, VERY stressful for multiple reasons that I might get into but just know-- I needed to get myself together for this blog. Mainly 'cause I want to actually REFLECT on 2022 in more depth than usual. I like to think it's because 2022 was a MESS and I want to articulate that as well as I possibly can. So here goes nothing!

I'll begin with the cons, which sort of boil down to medical emergencies and general declining health in my household. I had to deal with COVID for the first time ever this year and it was - no shocker here - terrible! Got a bit of a scare recently where my sister came home for the holidays and had COVID herself. And I still find it so crazy that she didn't give it to anyone at home (at least that I know of). Regardless of that, yeah, 2022 was the year of health issues. I got to experience more panic attacks and increased anxiety, but more importantly, my parents are suffering. I don't want to get to into it, but my dad is immuno-suppressed, has type 2 diabetes, and neuropathy in his legs. And my mom's still dealing with Alzheimer's as well as - more recently discovered - colitis. She also technically suffers from nearly daily agitation, but I like to think that parts on me. I'm still trying to regulate my stressors. Less negative things to happen this past year: uhhhh I broke my glasses and it took me so infuriatingly long to try out for new ones. Oh, and I managed to not write anything of note at all this year, but I think you already knew about that one, especially if you've been keeping up with these blogs of mine.

Now spliced and sprinkled between all that were the good times. I learned French at some point - mainly thanks to a hyperfixation - and I should honestly probably return to that this year! More recently, I was able to teach myself a new shading technique that's really satisfying to me. Lots of strong new media interests have kept me sane for the most part! Back in April, I celebrated the 10 year anniversary of creating Toni Drake - and my stories as a whole so that's cool I guess! And then in May, I was able to see a YouTuber that I enjoy and admire. Last but CERTAINLY no least, I'm learning more and more about myself every day. I'm unmasking my possible autism (diagnosis pending) and it truly seems like stimming is self-regulating my anxiety and keeping me sane just like my hyperfixations. I do have the occasional doubt that it's just all in my head, but the possibility of being autistic has really shed some light on my childhood and past as a whole. It's actually very eye-opening and I wish I could go more into detail, but this blog is becoming so very long and I'm sure no one's actually reading anymore. If you somehow are, you deserve a medal. Seriously. Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent, but the point is: I've enjoyed rediscovering myself in this way. It explains so much. I'll probably touch on the topic of autism in upcoming blogs, likely after I've received an official diagnosis so I can stop struggling with the accompanying imposter syndrome...

So yeah. 2022. I wanted to originally say that it's been a real mess. And it still is, no lie. Like FUCK 2022. Good riddance, ya know? Sure, there were a few good moments, but... honestly? The medical issues keep worsening at home. I'm just... I shouldn't think about it, and I definitely shouldn't be writing about it, but I'm just... scared of losing my parents.

Well, this blog has gone on long enough, I'm losing energy from typing and I just wanna nap and forgot I wrote anything noteworthy. Here's to 2023 (which is already here oops) and I hope things improve in my life. I hope I'm able to write and draw more. My only real new years resolution for 2023 is honestly to just... be myself more. Live and understand more. Try to cope better. Obviously, we shall see...

Anyway, I hope see you all next month (or the END of this month really)! In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#74: Rediscovering Myself

Hi, everyone!

I have much to get off my chest in regards to personal rediscovery for this month, so I'm just gonna get right to it, no delays!

I may not have written a single sentence this past month, but DAMN did I go on a self-reflection trip and return with some much-needed answers! Now, keep in mind that I'm still doing research, but I'm noticing a lot of past behaviors that point to me being autistic. Man, I thought that revelation might scare me - it sure confused my parents - but it actually made me look back on my life and certain... events that occurred that make a whole lot more sense through an autistic lens. I of course won't go into any details at the moment; I'm still discovering myself and I don't really want to bog down this blogpost with the many reasons I've come to the conclusion I have. I don't need validation from strangers, after all. Besides, who really reads these blogs other than me anyway, right?? Just know that, even after 27 years on this earth, I'm still learning about myself. It's actually kinda crazy that I can still not understand my own brain despite having it for so long.

On the writing and art front, there is of course no news... but I have had a few breakthroughs in regards to future plot points! Which I think is progress, yeah? So anyway, not much else to report there, but that's nothing new.

On another personal note, juggling family life has become a BIT more manageable. It sure helps that I'm trying to better myself and how I've been handling certain situations that fall into my lap. I know it might be self-deprecating, but I'm starting to believe that part of the problem at home has been me and my attitude this whole damn time. But that's why I'm trying to be better. When I make a mistake or say something wrong, I attempt to make it right almost immediately. I can't change how other people react, so I've been changing my own reactions instead, and it seems to be working...? That or the new meds are helping. Either or, really!

Wow, this has been a more lengthy blog than usual, so if you've read through this far, I applaud you. Thanks for listening to my weird ramblings. I hope you had a decent November. Almost the end of 2022! Man, this year can't end fast enough-!!

I guess I'll see you all next month! In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#73: Celebrating Another Year

Hey, everyone who happens to read this blog of mine~

I unfortunately don't have much news when it comes to writing, but October was still somewhat productive in regards to my creative outlook. I did more art and even managed to improve in my shading technique (at least I think so)!

Other than that, there's not much to write home about, I'm afraid... I'm still trying to get a handle on my life as a hole. I still struggle. Some days are still better than others, and I think that's just something I'm going to have to grow accustomed to. That's life, ya know? And I'm 27 now, just had my birthday a few days ago. I need to start handling change better, handling my responsibility to my family and just. be an ADULT.

I hope everyone had a nice October. I'm not one to usually note on the weather, but DAMN has it been nice lately here where I live in Arizona! I actually really enjoy it, and it's been nice to go on walks in the mid-70s, especially with my elderly pooch, Honey~

So yeah! I'm still dealing with juggling my personal life and trying to keep my head above the waters of strife- I mean LIFE! Heheh anyway, I hope everyone has a nice Halloween tonight! Whether you plan to just give out candy like I am or if you're going trick-or-treating (safely, of course) or anything in between! I hope everyone has fun and is safe and happy!

See y'all next month! In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#72: My Life is a Mess

So yeah, the title says it all.

Welcome to my monthly blog, folks. September's been a rather bad one for me. My weekly stressors have become daily, and my focus and motivation are slipping. I feel like I have permanent brain fog, but I couldn't even begin to tell you the WHY.

All I do know is that my life is becoming a mess. I feel like I have no control over anything and it's beyond frustrating. It's exhausting me. My personal life is exhausting me, and I can't even focus on my writing whatsoever. It's no longer an excuse, it's just FACT.

So while I wish I had better, more positive aspects from this month to focus on - like my art improvement, for a bit of an example - there is nothing good that came out of September. Nothing at all.

I would like to see this blog as a pure vent post, so if you've made it this far without tuning out or leaving to do something more productive, I guess I appreciate it. I know I need to take better care of myself, both mentally and physically. Oh, and emotionally too, of course. I just wish I had a better handle on things. I'm genuinely sorry that I made this entire blog about my personal issues, but... what else am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to lie and say that everything is fine, that my writing isn't suffering majorly??

I really am sorry I had to dump this publicly, but I hear it's supposed to be cathartic. And to be honest, I used to vent on social media all the time. Plus, no one really reads these blogs anyway, so why should I be worried...

Well. Here's hoping that October - my freaking birthday month - is better... see you then I guess. I hope.

In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy

#71: Nice and Productive

Hey, everyone!

Welcome back to my monthly blog, my regularly scheduled check in on how the past month was and BOY was I full of creativity again! Energy levels overall? 85% on most days. Some days were rougher than others, of course... but that's to be expected of any month out this year so far!

Anyway, August was nicely productive! I feel like I accomplished a lot of planning/outlining! Not much to show for it, unfortunately, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I'm trying to get back in contact with my editor (and my publisher in general I guess) and that's what's really delaying me, I think! Otherwise, I'm on track for some hardcore editing in the following months. Funny how, at the start of this summer, I was aiming to get The Wolfsbane Ruby out by Halloween, but looking at my progress now? That's unlikely. I wanna blame Covid, I really do!

In other news, I've done SOME art, but writing and planning said writing have sort of taken priority this month - an anomaly but not one that I would ever regret! I WANT to write!! Personal life has been difficult, no more than usual thankfully... but it DOES make finding time to write difficult, I won't deny that.

All this to say! I'm finally getting stuff written down, and I couldn't be happier about that (actually, yes I COULD be happier, but I'll settle with what I have for now). For the negative takeaway, my anxiety has gotten rather hard to ignore lately, and I've had to deal with my first panic attack in months pretty recently... it's actually what made me try to contact my doctor and schedule a physical - and maybe he can prescribe me something that can help manage the stress/anxiety so I can function a little better! One can only hope~

As always, I hope to see you all next month! In the meantime, please keep spreading the word about my book! <3 And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any future updates (which includes these blogposts)! Thanks for reading, everyone! Stay safe and stay awesome! <3

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~ Fangs & Kisses ~

Rachel Joy