Mistress Harley's Blog, page 66
November 1, 2015
100% True Stories of When Boys Cocks Made Them Stupid Around me
I needed to start a blog post to chronicle all the various funny stories that I collect while I'm walking around in the world. As a 6' tall Fetish Model and Pro-Domme I pretty much wear whatever I want no matter where I am. That means I'm often traipsing around in short shorts, itty bitty slingshot bikinis, or all manner of sexy outfits. So I wanted to share some of these funny stories with you, because I know you all love knowing the kind of power I wield over poor mortal men who encounter me by accident.
The "I forgot my arm was there" incident: Hubby and I were on our honeymoon in Hawaii and I was wearing a colorful triangle string bikini top and itty bitty denim short shorts. We made a beer run to the local store. We bought our items and were leaving to get back into our car. I was babbling on about some girl thing, probably my nails, and this guy is getting out of his car. He catches an eyeful of me and gets out of his car. Then he slams the car door. ON HIS FUCKING ARM! Lol. I guess he forgot that he should remove the arm before slamming the car door.
Guys Drop Stuff: The number of times I've seen some poor dick-focused loser literally drop all of his shit because I walked by is HILARIOUS. My absolute favorite is when dudes are with their wives or girlfriends and I get to watch the guy totally forget what he was saying and drop his bags of groceries, while his wife tries to figure out what happened. Then she follows his eye line of vision and I see her fight to choose between an eye-roll and straight up yelling at her man. Hahahah. Being a homewreaker is entertaining. If I wasn't hotter he would be able to keep his eyes in his head.
Guys showing me all of their tattoos for no reason: The number of times a guy has walked up to me for no reason, sometimes even when I'm on the phone or doing something kind of boring like trying to get out of the DMV and will literally remove his clothing to start showing me his tattoos. This man will not tell me his name, or why he has approached me, or even bother with any kind of small talk, he'll literally remove his shirt and start trying to show me that shitty Taz tattoo he got in 1999.
Men who go dumb (literally): Goddamn the number of times I've tried to get some loser to help me at a Best Buy, or some guy to take my order at a restaurant, and he literally can no longer make words. Sometimes he nods and absolutely helps me, but I'll never learn if this man even had a voice.
Straight up sexual Harassment: Ok, this is less funny, because it's actually fucking awful behavior. This kind of shit is why women want to torture men's balls. I'm just throwing this in there because it should be included in the way men get stupid around beautiful women.
- I have had to stop going to TWO different weed dispensaries (yes, they're legal in California, and that shit is MEDICINE. Imagine trying to get your antibiotics and you are constantly getting harassed). One guy looked up my phone number from the patient database and started texting me dick pics. The other started texting me, I reported him to his manager before the dick pics started. But these people have access to my legal ID, my home address, and phone number. FUCKING CREEPY.
- I have had guys follow me down the street nearly all the way to my house, to the point where I had to duck into my local corner store where I knew the checker, who was also an MMA fighter who would kick anyone's ass who was bothering me.
- I was at a restaurant with my husband, the chef literally wouldn't stop whispering in my ear, and as soon as hubby went to the bathroom he was touching me and telling me how perfect I was. No, being French is not an excuse.
- I've had to stop going to tattoo artists because they got too hansy
- I've had to stop going a lot of places because dudes get too hansy. That includes clubs, public transit, music shows, and basically anywhere where someone has the ability to press their erection into my ass without me being able to literally kick them in the balls.
Anyway, that's my stories today about times where guys have allowed their dicks to make them dumb. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's straight up bad behavior. Remember that beautiful women respond to MANNERS first! As I always remind you, women DO NOT CARE about your penis. Now bow your head and repeat after me: "my penis is not important."
Your homework is to meditate on the lack of importance of your cock while you worship my beauty the way I like...with your wallet.
xo
Harley
The "I forgot my arm was there" incident: Hubby and I were on our honeymoon in Hawaii and I was wearing a colorful triangle string bikini top and itty bitty denim short shorts. We made a beer run to the local store. We bought our items and were leaving to get back into our car. I was babbling on about some girl thing, probably my nails, and this guy is getting out of his car. He catches an eyeful of me and gets out of his car. Then he slams the car door. ON HIS FUCKING ARM! Lol. I guess he forgot that he should remove the arm before slamming the car door.
Guys Drop Stuff: The number of times I've seen some poor dick-focused loser literally drop all of his shit because I walked by is HILARIOUS. My absolute favorite is when dudes are with their wives or girlfriends and I get to watch the guy totally forget what he was saying and drop his bags of groceries, while his wife tries to figure out what happened. Then she follows his eye line of vision and I see her fight to choose between an eye-roll and straight up yelling at her man. Hahahah. Being a homewreaker is entertaining. If I wasn't hotter he would be able to keep his eyes in his head.
Guys showing me all of their tattoos for no reason: The number of times a guy has walked up to me for no reason, sometimes even when I'm on the phone or doing something kind of boring like trying to get out of the DMV and will literally remove his clothing to start showing me his tattoos. This man will not tell me his name, or why he has approached me, or even bother with any kind of small talk, he'll literally remove his shirt and start trying to show me that shitty Taz tattoo he got in 1999.
Men who go dumb (literally): Goddamn the number of times I've tried to get some loser to help me at a Best Buy, or some guy to take my order at a restaurant, and he literally can no longer make words. Sometimes he nods and absolutely helps me, but I'll never learn if this man even had a voice.
Straight up sexual Harassment: Ok, this is less funny, because it's actually fucking awful behavior. This kind of shit is why women want to torture men's balls. I'm just throwing this in there because it should be included in the way men get stupid around beautiful women.
- I have had to stop going to TWO different weed dispensaries (yes, they're legal in California, and that shit is MEDICINE. Imagine trying to get your antibiotics and you are constantly getting harassed). One guy looked up my phone number from the patient database and started texting me dick pics. The other started texting me, I reported him to his manager before the dick pics started. But these people have access to my legal ID, my home address, and phone number. FUCKING CREEPY.
- I have had guys follow me down the street nearly all the way to my house, to the point where I had to duck into my local corner store where I knew the checker, who was also an MMA fighter who would kick anyone's ass who was bothering me.
- I was at a restaurant with my husband, the chef literally wouldn't stop whispering in my ear, and as soon as hubby went to the bathroom he was touching me and telling me how perfect I was. No, being French is not an excuse.
- I've had to stop going to tattoo artists because they got too hansy
- I've had to stop going a lot of places because dudes get too hansy. That includes clubs, public transit, music shows, and basically anywhere where someone has the ability to press their erection into my ass without me being able to literally kick them in the balls.
Anyway, that's my stories today about times where guys have allowed their dicks to make them dumb. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's straight up bad behavior. Remember that beautiful women respond to MANNERS first! As I always remind you, women DO NOT CARE about your penis. Now bow your head and repeat after me: "my penis is not important."
Your homework is to meditate on the lack of importance of your cock while you worship my beauty the way I like...with your wallet.
xo
Harley
October 31, 2015
Help Mistress Harley Bring Unsolved Mysteries to Netflix, Hulu, Prime
Mistress Harley a force for goodIf you are like me and have unlimited free time because of how amazingly wealthy you are then you watch a lot of daytime television. Unsolved Mysteries is a personal favorite when I can catch it. However in this digital future we live in with on demand Star Trek I wonder where is Unsolved Mysteries hosted by Robert Stack.I DON'T EVEN LIKE MEN AND I LIKE ROBERT STACK!
I don't want some bullshit collection half hosted by some other bitch. I don't want a complete update of the cases. I want a start to finish, every single entire episode of Unsolved Mysteries. I even want the shit hosted by the other guy in the 80s I never personally saw. You can keep that Spike TV show though that wasn't so good. A new show needs like Stacey Keach or Brian Cocks.
As a digital business person I make a great deal of my net profits from re-selling my digital content. Please join me in bothering Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime to bring Robert Stack and Unsolved Mysteries back for good. Send me a link, pic or whatever to findomharley@gmail.com or @Mistress_Harley of you contacting Hulu, Amazon, or Netfliux about this. Let's see if we can't have a Halloween miracle.
October 30, 2015
A real life scary Halloween Story, by Mistress Harley
Your life doesn't change. You're unfuckable, unlovable, a loser who gets no sexual attention. You realize that you're only ever in boring relationships with boring women, and the only women that ever will bother sleeping with you are the chubby brunettes that you don't want to fuck anyway. Maybe you're even in a relationship, you've married your nightmare, a vanilla woman who wants nothing to do with you, or your penis, and has no desire to engage you sexually. You go to work every day, jerk off multiple times a day, the same routine, the same useless existence. Your cock is probably too small to satisfy a real woman anyway, even when a girl does want to sleep with you she's always disappointed. You realized that your sex life is a failure, and the only way you can really please a woman is by using your other assets.
Every night you stay up late stroking to Mistresses, women who are too beautiful for you, women who would laugh in your face if you tried to buy her a drink. You know that the women you jerk off to are 10s, and you're barely a 4 on a good day after you've gone to the gym for several weeks.
You finally discovered Mistress Harley, she's amazing, so tall, so tattooed and powerful. You can't stop obsessing over her. You buy all of her clips, and stroke and pay and obey. Day over day. But you still can't get her attention, because you're afraid to submit, you're scared, but you just can't seem to you realize reach out and become HERS. But if you don't you will find yourself living the same jerk-off meaningless life, day in and out, until you fucking die.
As you read the final lines of this spooky story, you realize the loser you're reading about, is you.
The Herp Will now Cure Cancer...and bring the end times
Ok, so obviously I'm into science, literature, and a bunch of other shit, so when I read articles like THIS ONE (http://www.nature.com/news/cancer-fig...) discussing the use of a genetically engineered modified Herpes Virus to infect and fight cancer.
Now you may not know this about your Goddess, but I am in fact a cancer survivor, I've been in remission since 2012 and plan to stay that way. However as a video game and horror movie fan my immediate thought was "Didn't anyone freaking play Resident Evil? Isn't this like how you make a T-Virus that makes all the killer zombies?
Well, apparently no one but me plays video games, because they FREAKING ARE CALLING THIS THING THE T-VIRUS.
So I'm guessing that after we cure the cancer, this is going to be me.
Now you may not know this about your Goddess, but I am in fact a cancer survivor, I've been in remission since 2012 and plan to stay that way. However as a video game and horror movie fan my immediate thought was "Didn't anyone freaking play Resident Evil? Isn't this like how you make a T-Virus that makes all the killer zombies?
Well, apparently no one but me plays video games, because they FREAKING ARE CALLING THIS THING THE T-VIRUS.
So I'm guessing that after we cure the cancer, this is going to be me. 
Halloween Discounts Starting Boo-Day!
Laugh at my fucking Crypt Keeper Joke you fucks! Starting today until the end of October I will be offering discounts and specials! Don't have a party to attend? Can't go trick or treating because your a dirty old man? Have no fear Mistress Harley will keep you terrified until November. Tribute Now
Who? @Mistress_Harley
What? Halloween Deals
Where? www.moneydommeharley.com
When? Right now till Nov 1st
Why? Because I want to watch myself in the house and watch Halloween movies. I'll be giving out candy, but I doubt most kid will make it past the wolves I keep past the moat.
I'll be watching the Halloween BluRay Box Set so feel dominated to join me.
Specials and DiscountsAmazon Gift Cards - Free workout clip
$50 for the following!
Computer Lockdown
Costume skype chat
Costume skype strip
Harley App
Who? @Mistress_Harley
What? Halloween Deals
Where? www.moneydommeharley.com
When? Right now till Nov 1st
Why? Because I want to watch myself in the house and watch Halloween movies. I'll be giving out candy, but I doubt most kid will make it past the wolves I keep past the moat.
I'll be watching the Halloween BluRay Box Set so feel dominated to join me.
Specials and DiscountsAmazon Gift Cards - Free workout clip
$50 for the following!
Computer Lockdown
Costume skype chat
Costume skype strip
Harley App
October 29, 2015
Why are you WORTH being owned? A conversation with Mistress Harley and a Slave
M: Still obsessed
Mistress Harley: I know
Mistress Harley: I know
Why other Teamviewer Dommes aren't the Techdomme
So I'm not going to name names, but I often see this from other so-called Teamviewer dommes posting on Twitter or other domme related sites...
They play at teamviewer for a while. Maybe they start doing online Amazon shopping, or start out with some easy computer control methods via admin. They start thinking they're hot shit, then all of a suddent, BAM. Teamviewer limits their access because teamviewer is only free for personal use. If you use teamviewer too much they will lock you out and tell you to buy a license. Most dommes can't afford to buy a license (It's about $1700) or aren't tech savvy enough to get around these problems, and you see them asking other dommes (OR EVEN SUBS!) for advice! LAMO! LOL! ROFL!
Ok, so there's a reason that there's only ONE Techdomme (yes, that's me, for all the imitators) and that's because I often don't use teamviewer. I use other programs such VPN clients or other freeware software which allows me the same access without half the probelms. Additionally I'm too tech savvy to EVER have to ask nerds on twitter for Teamviewer advice!
If you want a computer control session with the BEST, read my FAQs and contact me to get locked down. The techdomme is always watching, and she always knows what you're up to!
xox
Harley
They play at teamviewer for a while. Maybe they start doing online Amazon shopping, or start out with some easy computer control methods via admin. They start thinking they're hot shit, then all of a suddent, BAM. Teamviewer limits their access because teamviewer is only free for personal use. If you use teamviewer too much they will lock you out and tell you to buy a license. Most dommes can't afford to buy a license (It's about $1700) or aren't tech savvy enough to get around these problems, and you see them asking other dommes (OR EVEN SUBS!) for advice! LAMO! LOL! ROFL!
Ok, so there's a reason that there's only ONE Techdomme (yes, that's me, for all the imitators) and that's because I often don't use teamviewer. I use other programs such VPN clients or other freeware software which allows me the same access without half the probelms. Additionally I'm too tech savvy to EVER have to ask nerds on twitter for Teamviewer advice!
If you want a computer control session with the BEST, read my FAQs and contact me to get locked down. The techdomme is always watching, and she always knows what you're up to!
xox
Harley
Republican Party Enters WWE-esq Fantasy Mode
Most men are stupid and cannot keep an idea in their head so you must resort to using sports metaphors than actual communicating. I prefer the WWE and other wrestling because it's more about mens bodies and their outfits. I don't really care if he can put a ball through a hoop, but I will watch his oiled semi-nude frame jump up and down for me. Boy those ring sure are bouncy. While being bothered by the new this morning it because apparent to me that this is a show no different than American Idol and it's all about keeping people involved. If you're a crazy person who hates women and believe god feels that way to then Ben Carson is your favorite wrestler. If you think the wealthy should take the brown underclass from the semi-wealthy so they can no longer compete then Donald Trump is your guy. There are others but I don't care because these two are the ones you fucks seem to care about.
It's a fake fight and now Ben Carson looks like he won a match, COULD HE WIN IT ALL AT WRESTLEMANIA!? No, because it was just one match. Only hillbillies care about this man and his up coming war with himself. What happen to the godfathers pizza black guy? Next time I just want pops from the Friday movies.
Ben Carson voters
Republicans long enjoy presidential elections because it gives them time to bring up important issues like who is winning over who and how that victory should be measured. Ben Carson has proof he defeated Trump and now he's going to ask like it and see if people buy it. Trump is participating in the Republican fiction that the winner has not already been chosen. This election is more WWE than real. Now each primary debate is a pay-per-view where the Republican party gets to show off it's best in-ring talent before the upcoming Wrestlemania against the Democratic number one contender for the Presidency of the United States of America.
Democrats are having some difficulty crossing since 2 time undefeated undisputed Heavyweight President of the WORLD Barack Obama will not be standing for dictatorship FDR style. They though Obama put over Hillary, but now it looks like the fan favorite the crowd is dying for is Berny Sanders...except the media or anyone in power.
These are just meaningless episodes of Smackdown before something meaningful happens. What could be more meaningful than a bunch of suits missing the point completely and living in a fantasy world of their own design?
LIKE UM... war and ISIS is like 99% sure Muhammad is coming back once they destroy enough temples. Jews are getting ready by killing all the Palestinians and making nice with Hamas and Russia. Also people are starving in this country who aren't my slaves. Do you know 90% of Americas don't have enough money to even get one computer control session. Also it's hard to blackmail the poor.
Now for the dumb Herman Cain = Ben Carson
Look how much time I just saved you in your 24 hour news cycle. Go read one of my books with all your newfound freedom.
It all leaves me to ask where is CM PUNK!? er... I mean my COUNTRY!?
It's a fake fight and now Ben Carson looks like he won a match, COULD HE WIN IT ALL AT WRESTLEMANIA!? No, because it was just one match. Only hillbillies care about this man and his up coming war with himself. What happen to the godfathers pizza black guy? Next time I just want pops from the Friday movies.
Ben Carson votersRepublicans long enjoy presidential elections because it gives them time to bring up important issues like who is winning over who and how that victory should be measured. Ben Carson has proof he defeated Trump and now he's going to ask like it and see if people buy it. Trump is participating in the Republican fiction that the winner has not already been chosen. This election is more WWE than real. Now each primary debate is a pay-per-view where the Republican party gets to show off it's best in-ring talent before the upcoming Wrestlemania against the Democratic number one contender for the Presidency of the United States of America.
Democrats are having some difficulty crossing since 2 time undefeated undisputed Heavyweight President of the WORLD Barack Obama will not be standing for dictatorship FDR style. They though Obama put over Hillary, but now it looks like the fan favorite the crowd is dying for is Berny Sanders...except the media or anyone in power.
These are just meaningless episodes of Smackdown before something meaningful happens. What could be more meaningful than a bunch of suits missing the point completely and living in a fantasy world of their own design?
LIKE UM... war and ISIS is like 99% sure Muhammad is coming back once they destroy enough temples. Jews are getting ready by killing all the Palestinians and making nice with Hamas and Russia. Also people are starving in this country who aren't my slaves. Do you know 90% of Americas don't have enough money to even get one computer control session. Also it's hard to blackmail the poor.
Now for the dumb Herman Cain = Ben Carson
Look how much time I just saved you in your 24 hour news cycle. Go read one of my books with all your newfound freedom.
It all leaves me to ask where is CM PUNK!? er... I mean my COUNTRY!?
October 28, 2015
San Francisco Now Has One Hour Prime Insta Gift Harley NOW
Now I get gifts faster than ever. Just in time for the holidays!Rejoice sugar daddies and other gift givers. Now in San Francisco all prime shipping is one hour. Unfuck yourself and send me what I want. I can get it right now. It's like almost cash. I know you are all going to be getting amazon gift cards this holiday season from your mothers, and that Aunt you don't remember. Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, Thanksgiving, MLK weekend, etc. You owe us gifts!Click here for more information.
Hubby http://amzn.to/1NRlqdE Food http://amzn.to/1M1zTgBDomestic Homegoods http://amzn.to/1M1zXwX Big Ticket Love http://amzn.to/1NRlxGd Harley's Wishlist http://amzn.to/1M1A2AE
