David Vienna's Blog, page 55

It sucks that medics ask you what the date is after an ac...

It sucks that medics ask you what the date is after an accident to determine cognitive function because I never have any fucking clue what the date is.

In just one month (and a couple of days), Pretty Sure You’re...

In just one month (and a couple of days), Pretty Sure You’re Fine hits shelves. Avoid the extreme stress of going to the store by pre-ordering it now, which you can do at pretty much any book retailer. I know! Amazing, right? Like, what did you do to deserve such awesomeness?

Break all the rules, you purple giant amazing stardust toddler...

Break all the rules, you purple giant amazing stardust toddler maniacs.

I shaved my neck-beard and it looks like I lost 10 pounds...

I shaved my neck-beard and it looks like I lost 10 pounds.

These photos were taken two days apart. My actual weight is the same…

thethirdman8:“Don’t call it a dream. Call it a plan.” — Unknown (via quotemadness)OK, let me...

thethirdman8:

“Don’t call it a dream. Call it a plan.”

— Unknown (via quotemadness)

OK, let me try.

Last night, I planned that I had an inflatable car and a yellow chimpanzee and I were driving through a lumberyard when everything turned into Jell-O and then Ozzy Osbourne showed up and made us crêpes.

Apple users should know the new iPhone won’t sync to your...

Apple users should know the new iPhone won’t sync to your mind until you get a 2nd covid booster that contains the updated nanobots, which I did today. Now, I have Bluetooth in my brain!

I hereby decree that, because of everyone’s most hated au...

I hereby decree that, because of everyone’s most hated autocorrect, these emojis now represent the phrase “fuck yeah.”

If randomly replacing words in sentences is wrong, I don’...

If randomly replacing words in sentences is wrong, I don’t want to be penguin.

duckpoweredsubmarine:wearing sky-colored shoes to hide fr...

duckpoweredsubmarine:

wearing sky-colored shoes to hide from the devil. earth colored hat to hide from god

duckdotcom:wearing sky-colored shoes to hide from the dev...

duckdotcom:

wearing sky-colored shoes to hide from the devil. earth colored hat to hide from god