David Vienna's Blog, page 237
April 27, 2015
Not A Creature Was Stirring, Except...
Wyatt: I just have a question.
Me: What?
Wyatt: Can four-wheelers go on grass?
Me: Yes.
Wyatt: Because I want one for Christmas.
Me: Go back to bed and we'll worry about that when Christmas is a little closer.
Wyatt: Okay, but I want it to also have cup holders.
Me: Goodnight!
April 26, 2015
Big day. The boys took some allowance money and made their first...
Big day. The boys took some allowance money and made their first visit to a comic book shop.
April 25, 2015
Me and the boys after the track meet.
Me and the boys after the track meet.
April 24, 2015
The best way to warn my boys about how much peanut butter they eat is to share with them the fact...
The best way to warn my boys about how much peanut butter they eat is to share with them the fact that my pee smells like Starbucks coffee.
April 23, 2015
Me: Thanks for doing such a great job of keeping the house and bills in order.
Wife: Yeah, sometimes I feel wiped out—
Me: Honey, there's no "I" in "home."
CTFD vs. What To Expect
Amazon’s ranking and Top Sellers lists change hourly. BUT, as of right now, my book Calm The F*ck Down: The Only Parenting Technique You’ll Ever Need holds the #10 spot in the Parenting & Relationships > Babysitting, Day Care & Child Care category, which puts us ahead of What To Expect: Baby-Sitter’s Handbook.
So, not only can I say my book is now an Amazon Best Seller (technically), but it surpassed What To Expect (sort-of).
Hey, I don’t make the rules.
April 22, 2015
"If Vienna’s CTFD had been available four years ago, the money I could have saved on antacid..."
- engledow (aka World’s Best Father) about Calm The F*ck Down: The Only Parenting Technique You’ll Ever Need
April 21, 2015
mammalingo:
Hi guys,I’m working with the Women’s Lifestyle team at HuffPost
Partner Studio for the...
Hi guys,
I’m working with the Women’s Lifestyle team at HuffPost
Partner Studio for the next couple of months. And, right now, at this very
minute, we are looking for submissions for a piece in partnership with Johnson
& Johnson. It’s about the many wonderful ways new parents bond with their
babies through daily rituals. Bath time. Massage. Singing. Reading. Going to
Happy Hour together…If any of you would like to be considered for this, please send in
a sentence or two about any special rituals you have with your baby in an email with information on how I can reach you. If you’re a blogger, I would be able to link to your
blog. And we can use photos if you have them. We WOULD LOVE to use photos if
you have them.If you’re not a new parent but have a friend or loved one
who is or you once saw a baby at the grocery store, feel free to share this and
tell them to please email us. The deadline is noon Eastern on Thursday, April
23. You can email lovematters@huffingtonpost.com.
Thank you for reading this and sharing it. (Cue the Golden Girls theme!)
♫ “…Thank you for being a friend…” ♪
We were leaving a birthday party one day. You were, what, Boone,...
We were leaving a birthday party one day. You were, what, Boone, maybe 3-years-old? Your balloon slipped out of your hand and floated up and away. For a moment, we watched it go in silence. It flew over the fence, past the lone palm tree at the edge of the parking lot, higher and higher, growing smaller against the plain blue sky.
Your tears came seconds later—heavy, racking sobs that blocked any speech. I did my best to console you, treating it as a teachable moment. Joys in life are fleeting, I told you, balloons drift away or pop. It happens, it’s okay. Some things aren’t permanent. I thought this was the best way to handle the mishap, rather than work out how to get a replacement balloon from the facility we’d just exited. Then, through your tears, came the true reason for your sorrow…
You weren’t upset that you lost your balloon. You were concerned that your balloon, now traveling out there in the big wide world, would get hurt. You didn’t want it to be alone.
My God, Boone. In that exchange, you captured everything I feel about you and your brother. Someday, you will float away, perhaps unexpectedly. (No matter how much preparation, I’m sure I won’t be ready.)
But, I’ll have to remember my reply to you that day. I said, “Balloons are meant to float away. They’re meant to have big adventures. Maybe we can try to imagine what kind of adventure your balloon is undertaking right now.”
I saw in your eyes that you were trying to believe what I said. And I saw this was not the time for a teachable moment. I darted back inside the facility and snatched another balloon from another birthday party’s arrangement. You were placated on the way home, but I could tell you were still worried about your balloon floating across the globe.
Boone, someday you’ll float away from me. And I will cry heavy, racking sobs because you’re out there in the big wide world and I won’t want you to get hurt. I won’t want you to be alone. And when I have my wits about me, I’ll remember that moment in the parking lot after a birthday party and what I told you—that you’re meant to have big adventures. But, it won’t help, just as my words didn’t help you that day.
Some things aren’t permanent.
April 20, 2015
laughingsquid:
A Father of Four Is Overcome With Emotion as He...
A Father of Four Is Overcome With Emotion as He Hears Silence for the First Time
This has been sitting in my drafts folder for a while, so you probably already saw it. If not, watch now.
The end is the best.
