David Vienna's Blog, page 179

davidvienna:Did you hear about Republican congressional...

davidvienna:

Did you hear about Republican congressional candidate Mike Webb? He accidentally let the world know about his porn preferences.

So in this episode, I say “porn” like 43 times.

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"He rubbed her shoulder as he talked. He was not used to offering physical affection like this,..."

“He rubbed her shoulder as he talked. He was not used to offering physical affection like this, however, and was out of practice. Instead of a soothing touch, he succeeded only in pushing her back and forth.”

- How the Vista XG Sedan Ruined Henry’s Life

In our local shopping area, there are all of these statues of...

In our local shopping area, there are all of these statues of people doing normal everyday stuff. As we walked to dinner yesterday, the boys wanted pics with each of them. Not creepy or weird at all.

bluegrassprincess:Evan needs a time out.Evan plays hardball.

bluegrassprincess:

Evan needs a time out.

Evan plays hardball.

My wife just told me she was hanging by the lemonade stand...

My wife just told me she was hanging by the lemonade stand talking with a neighbor and Wyatt said, “You guys should go back inside because you’re hurting our business.”

So, apparently the lemonade stand has a “no loitering” policy.

how2beadad:When you have a hiking accident and...

how2beadad:

When you have a hiking accident and @thedaddycomplex comes to your rescue.

I am good at helping.

Just got back from camping with @charliecapen of @howtobeadad....

Just got back from camping with @charliecapen of @howtobeadad. We ate so much bacon, guys. So much bacon. Also, bourbon… we ate so much bourbon.

Fighting Oppression

Wyatt: The girls said we need to wear pink to sit at their table for lunch.

My Wife: Do you like eating lunch with the girls?

Wyatt: Noooooo!

Boone: We just want our freedom!

Horn Section

Me: Wyatt's already in there waiting. How'd Boone do?

Piano Teacher: Great. Did Wyatt have asparagus last night, too?

Me: Why?

Boone: I tooted.

davidvienna:Despite all previous claims to the contrary,...

davidvienna:

Despite all previous claims to the contrary, Republicans are now rallying behind Donald Trump.

Related: The apocalypse is nigh.

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In the latest episode, I warn conservative voters about the true nature of the Republican leadership. And I cover California’s response to North Carolina’s transgender bathroom debacle. Y’know, light stuff.