David Vienna's Blog, page 124
March 4, 2020
I’ve never heard the phrase “it’s not a cure for infertility, it’s a solution for wanting to be a parent”, and that makes a lot of sense to me. I still wonder, what’s the main driving force or difference between wanting a pregnancy and wanting to be a par
The fallacy is assuming there’s a “main driving force.” Everyone has their own reason.
So, I can’t speak for anyone else, but for my wife and I, we always planned on having one biological child and adopting another. When we discovered that first step was going to be difficult, we wanted to know why, was there anything wrong with either or both of us? Why were our bodies preventing us from doing what we wanted? So, we set out to try to discover the reason and solve that problem.
I, for one, don’t like anyone telling me what I can and can’t do, even if that person is my own fucking body.
And we did eventually start the steps toward adoption, but that’s another story.
A Fertile Topic
Okay, I’ve wanted to write about this for a long time, but I didn’t really know how. I recently realized, however, that a handful of readers might find this useful/encouraging/whatever. So, here goes…
Boone and Wyatt came into our lives because of fertility treatments. My wife and I used fertility treatments because we had trouble maintaining a pregnancy. And when I say trouble, I mean trouble — three specialists on two coasts over seven years, multiple failed attempts, five recorded miscarriages, plus at least two more that didn’t even make it to the stage where it could be considered a miscarriage. But believe me, they were miscarriages.
The extremely frustrating thing about it was nobody could tell us what was wrong. We baffled all the doctors to whom we were paying shitloads of money. I checked out okay, my wife checked out okay. We had no trouble getting pregnant, we had trouble staying pregnant.
Aside from essentially mourning a death or two each year, coping with infertility was — and is — a lonely, lonely place. Even if you’re fortunate enough to see the glimmers of humor in the terrible situation, you can’t share them with anybody because if they haven’t gone through it, they simply don’t understand the depth of the depression you have to fight out of every day and, if they have been through it, they don’t want to hear other people bitching about it, too. Sword, thou art double-edged.
In fact, if you have a friend or family member dealing with fertility issues, here’s a handy list of things you should never, ever say to them:
“You guys just need to relax.”
“You guys just need to go on a vacation.”
“You guys just need to get drunk and fuck.”
“My sister had trouble getting pregnant, now she has two beautiful kids.”
“Have you thought about adopting?”For the record, that last one shouldn’t be mentioned because adoption is not a solution to infertility. It is a solution to wanting to be a parent. While one does affect the other, they are not the same. Also for the record, my wife and I did look into adoption, but not as a replacement for a child we couldn’t have. All the other items in the above list shouldn’t be mentioned because they are non-medical solutions to a medical problem. You wouldn’t tell a person with cancer that they just need to go on vacation. Don’t be an idiot.
All that said, stress is certainly a factor. Stress affects the body and can make it hard to get or stay pregnant. Of course, if you have trouble getting or staying pregnant, that’s stressful. Hello again, sword.
I joke about it with my wife, but it does bother me a bit that neither one of us was even in the room when my guys were technically conceived. So, when I’m feeling smart-alecky and people tell me God blessed me with two beautiful boys, I correct them by saying, “Well, no, our checkbook and Dr. Rosen blessed us with these boys.”
I know some of you readers are going through this now. I just wanted to tell you you’re not alone. There are people all around you who deal with this in silence, just like you. It sucks, but you’ll be okay. Stay strong. Have hope.
I saw @wasteland-mama’s amazing post
about the added insult of asinine comments people make to those
struggling with infertility. So, I figured it was time to dust of this
gem.
the tl;dr version: People’s reproductive journey and choices are their own fucking business, not your goddamn conversation-starter.
March 3, 2020
Wyatt had a rough day at school today. So, we went out for tater tots at a place that has little...
Wyatt had a rough day at school today. So, we went out for tater tots at a place that has little handheld gaming systems at each table.
Games and starch. They solve all problems.
About Those Killer Slugs...
Writers, pay attention:
Okay, look. A handful of people have asked me why I never tried to publish my serialized horror story about man-eating slugs that attack a town.
It’s because I learned someone beat me to it.
Author Shaun Hutson wrote a novel with the exact same premise years before I started writing mine. His was later turned into a campy horror flick…
The moral of the story: If you have an idea for a story or a crappy draft or an opening scene, fucking finish it.
Write. The fucking. Story.
Because if you’ve had the idea, you bet your ass someone else has had a similar idea around the same time. It just happens. And they’ll write it if you don’t.
My scenario isn’t the best proof of that advice—unbeknownst to me, Hutson’s book was already on truck stop book racks before I even had my idea—but you’ve undoubtedly experienced something like what I’m describing.
So, if you’re interested, you can find info about my non-slug books at my other Tumblr.
And, if I may, I’d like to end on this related little snippet of advice to writers from Shaun Hutson himself that I just found on his official site (which is a complete hoot, by the way):
“Write want you want to write and then hope to God that someone wants to publish it.”
Back on Krypton, Super Tuesday is just a regular Tuesday.
Back on Krypton, Super Tuesday is just a regular Tuesday.
March 2, 2020
Me: Time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed.My kids: Okay.My kids 5 minutes later:
Me: Time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed.
My kids: Okay.
My kids 5 minutes later:
March 1, 2020
February 29, 2020
A lot of you devastatingly beautiful and extremely smart people...
A lot of you devastatingly beautiful and extremely smart people probably came across my tumblr because of that post I drunkenly wrote about how my high school English teacher inspired me to become a professional writer. Well, this is my latest book, Anyone Can Be President. See? Proof that I’m a writer!
It’s full of puzzles, historical tidbits, quizzes, and real advice on how to run for (and be) president. And, people… this book just might save America.
February 28, 2020
What DO i call U?
I don’t know. How about…
