Evil Editor's Blog, page 402

Writing Exercise Ressults...

are in the posts below. The task was to demonstrate that a work of fiction can be brilliant even if it begins with a dream sequence.

Dream Opening 9

The sulfur flames, the burning coals, the demons with their snake tongues: it was hell, all right, and unless I was the smartest person ever to land in this forsaken pit, I would be spending eternity here. Fortunately, there was an excellent chance that I was the smartest person ever to find himself in Lucifer's domain. I mean, I'd been the smartest person in the room pretty much anywhere else I went . . . which was probably the reason I ended up here. The Big Guy upstairs didn't want any com...

Dream Opening 8

Behind the waterfall is a cave, a cave where stalactites drip water with the steady sound of what would be a leaky faucet—if you could hear it over the waterfall. There's an office in the cave. You see, trolls need dark placed during the day—even trolls who just happen to eat hapless wayfarers who just happen to send literary fiction to a fantasy editor. Though to an editor like this, fantasy is literary fiction.

The Maid of the Mist sails through the clouds, which are just as drenchingly wet ...

Dream Opening 7

Thousands of orange and black Monarch butterflies covered the huge tree. Their wings opened and closed with a languorous rhythm that reminded me of the way my mother would slowly fan herself with the parish bulletin during long sermons in the summertime, in the oppressively hot confines of the old church we used to attend. As I lay in the grass beneath the tall pine, nearly delirious from inhaling the sweet aroma of milkweed and the sharp tang of pine sap, I felt the delicate tickle of butter...

Dream Opening 6

I latched the bedroom door from the inside. I know I did. But the door is opening. I can't really see it moving, but when I look away and look back more grey light is slipping in from the night light in the hall.

What's that sound? If only the pipes would stop knocking I could make it out clearly.

The light beyond the door is gone. A few of her words come to me, hissing in the dark.

I know you...I know you. That's nonsense; I don't know her; I don't know anyone who uses language like what she's ...

Dream Opening 5

"This is incredible!"

"I know."

"I mean it's absolutely perfect. I can't make one single improvement. Every word is exactly as it should be," the editor said, his face caught between disbelief and elation as he leafed through the pages.

I didn't say anything. Act like you've been there before, is my philosophy.

"Well, I don't know where you've been hiding," he said, "but you're lucky you found me." His eyebrows bounced over his pince-nez like children on a trampoline.

I couldn't fight off a smile....

Dream Opening 4

"You're black," she said. Her hand flew from her side jiggling those perfect peach colored tits. She slapped me so hard I felt dizzy. "What'd you have to go and do that for?"

"I'm not black," I said and grabbed the left tit.

"I call that one Mochu Picchu and the right one's Titicaca," she said pointing behind me. "Now look in the mirror."

Letting go of Mochu Picchu was the hardest thing I've ever done and when I turned around a mirror appeared.

"You're righ...

Dream Opening 3

Jason woke screaming, heart throbbing, sweat-dripping from his face and body. Hot fluids dripped from his hands. The taste of wormwood filled his mouth. It was not sweat but blood, thick sticky blood. It was not day but night, his darkest night. A hooded figure jumped from the foot of his bed and landed on his body. Claws. Pain. More blood. He screamed the silent scream of one without a voice. He could not move. He felt his soul, his being, his essence being ripped from his body. He floated a...

Dream Opening 2

"Jared, do you hear me?"

Jared's head jerked up. His spectacles glinted in the noonday sun and he rubbed his nose with a well-callused thumb. "You know, I'm really sleepy. You were just telling me about my ten-book contract with Taxi House, the largest publishing company in North America. I nodded off then."

Evil Editor sighed in exasperation. "Yes, it bores me too, all of this success and money."

Evil Editor flicked a few fingers in the air. "Here, I'll turn on some music to wake you up."

Instea...

Dream Opening 1

His caress, his smell: so sensual.

I purred as our lips met again and again, writhed to fight the power of his embrace.

And then, the loud chimes. My alarm.

The dawn's grey light hung in the apartment window like a shroud. And in my mouth, the spikes of my bedside cactus.

Oh Evil Editor, Evil Editor...

Forlorn as Bambi, I stumbled to the living room and smoked a couple cigarettes. Walked to the window, sat. Fidgeted. And cried.

I checked in sick at work and threw on a bathrobe. Toyed with a muffin,...