Evil Editor's Blog, page 395

Historic Figure Pitch Session 4

"Uh…."

"Like it?"

EE picked the manuscript up by one dubious corner. "I've heard arguments about paper weight and brightness, but—moist and aloe scented?"

Joseph Gayetty smiled obligingly. "Of course. It's even better than three-ply. Now, are we talking a $500,000 advance?"

"What!" EE sputtered. "I don't even know how you got in my office or what this is all about, and you're already suggesting advances I may or may not feel like giving."

Gayetty leaned in. "Look, buddy, I changed the world fo...

Historic Figure Pitch Session 3

OK, so everybody knows the outside story - the whole country electrified; their tears, their hopes, their fears. Everyone glued to their TV screens. Non-stop coverage, commercialls killed; the interviews, the helicopters, the expert talking heads, the continuous scrolling updates. The tension unbearable. But what about the inside story? The gut-wrenching story only I can tell? The answer to the question on everybody's mind? Here you have it: what it's like to puke on live TV! Twice!

--Paul Penna

Historic Figure Pitch Session 2

" - so, it seemeth to Us that the truth should be known."

EE cringed. Dealing with authors was easy enough, but he couldn't cope with the massive figure who stood before him in doublet and hose. And codpiece. The codpiece was terrifying.

"But why now - ?"

"Because of this travesty that the BBC hath wrought!"

"Um - 'The Tudors'? But it's very popular - "

The monarch's lip curled. "They have set this Jonathan Rhys Meyers to play Us! He is a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; furthermore, he ...

Historic Figure Pitch Session 1

The man walked into the office hand outstretched, looking for a handshake. He waved his hand at EE and announced. "I'm Beauregard Lee Perrine of the Atlanta Perrines, dating back to 1848, not them Carolina Perrines. They're just carpet-bagging pretenders. My friends call me Jubal." EE barely looked over his glasses as he stamped the palm of the man's hand -- REJECTED.

"There! Your palm's been read. Now pitch your book."

"That wasn't hospitable..." Jubal said as he slid his butt onto the desk, o...

Saturday Film Series

Face-Lift 689

Guess the Plot

Godmother's Wand

1. When her fairy godmother's wand breaks, Penelope must go on a journey to the Field of Happiness to find the Fairy Stones. But two nasty trolls want them too. Along the way, Penelope meets a cheery collection of cuddly, chattery animals and learns the true meaning of friendship.

2. Young Nate has often wondered why his godmother Julie has larger hands, a deeper voice, and a more prominent Adam's Apple than most women. But the truth emerges the day he sees his . ...

Cartoon 499

Caption: Voter

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Feedback Request

A new version of query 669 has been posted in the comments there. The author awaits your input.

New Beginning 696

It took me a while to figure out what set her apart from the other women at the contradance. There were at least a dozen other new people there that night. She was beautiful, of course, but there were others with long dark hair and wide dark eyes, a girl's freshness and a woman's grace. I envied them. I didn't envy her.

She looked at all her partners like a lover, I thought—though I couldn't be sure, never having had one myself-- like someone who knew every line of their faces, every gesture o...

Cartoon 498

Caption: Blogless_Troll

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