Evil Editor's Blog, page 292

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Writing Exercise Results . . .

. . . are in the posts below. The task was to write a scene in which you pitch a book to Evil Editor on a day when one of you is celebrating International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Pirate-Speak 5

Evil Editor came out of his office into the lobby. "Ahoy!" he greeted me.

"Uh, hi," I said. I clutched at my manuscript, a 700-page alternate history on the development of fonts, and followed him back to his office.

"Argh, ye maiden, rest ye weary soul," EE said, gesturing to the threadbare sofa that adorned one wall.

"Er – "

"That plank be there for 'pitching' and 'submission.'" One of his eyes squinted, but I couldn't tell whether that was an effect of obvious alcoholism or whether he was merel...

Pirate-Speak 4

"Tis an impolite tale of he-men and pirates. Imagine the proprietor of a pub and Petey playing the nudge, nudge, wink, wink. The proprietor says: me parrot says there were two trollops. Then Petey says: Arghh, weren't me, matey. Your scurvy first mate did the how's your father last night with his Senga Numpty from East Cundy. They kicked the hole in the wall. At that, he shows the landlubbers a boot-sized hole in the wall."

"Is this the bar scene from Star Wars?" EE asked as he stamped rejecte...

Pirate-Speak 3

"OK, so, dude, I'm like scanning ports and I find a backdoor to a 'nix box at Sony, so I like SSH into it and they left their SAN wide open and right there's the VOBs of the new Spiderman film, Iron Man III, Shrek 5, no shit, so I FTP 'em to a zombie account and seed it to a torrent feed. Within a couple hours they're down on my box and I'm pumping out DVD9s like they're going out of fashion. I Puts 'em up on Craigs and eBay for three dollars, I'm up fifteen hundred already and--"

"Whoa there....

Pirate-Speak 2

First of all, EE, let me say that I'm a long-time reader of your blog, and compared to yours, all the other writing blogs are about as interesting as a 500-page financial report from a Finnish smelting company. In fact, I shouldn't even have limited that statement to writing blogs. All other blogs, Facebook pages, web sites, and books are putrid masses of gangrenous flesh compared to your blog.

Arrrrrrgh. Be ye butterin me up so I'll be requestin yer parrrrtial, ye bilgesuckin swab?

Pardon me?...

Pirate-Speak 1

The vestibule opened up into a single office with a large, ornate wooden desk placed nearly in the middle. I walked toward the grizzled character behind the desk, and became the focus of his gaze. He said, "How may I be of assistance to ye – er, I haven't had the pleasure, mister . . . ahr?"

I replied, "Jones, David Jones." Both nervous and intent I scoured the single soul occupying the office.

"Well Mr. Jones, how then can I help ye?" With that question, the bedraggled man broke into a toot...

Book Chat Schedule

We need to set a date and time for the next chat. This is the chat won in the Brenda Novak auction to aid diabetes research, so we need a decent turnout to encourage bidding in next year's auction. Plus, the author will be attending. How often do you get to grill the author of a book you just read?

I'm thinking if we schedule it in two weeks that gives anyone who hasn't gotten the book yet plenty of time time to buy and read it. It should be in your bookstore or at Amazon.

If I know who wants t...

Saturday Film Series

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Writing Exercise

Sunday is the 15th annual Inter- national Talk Like a Pirate Day.

You are pitching your novel to Evil Editor Sunday, but only one of you is in the spirit of the holiday. The other knows nothing about it. Write the scene.

Deadline Sunday, 10 AM eastern

300 words max.

If you you have no idea how pirates talk, Google will help.