Evil Editor's Blog, page 291

New Beginning 786

The crew sat on Harlan Wither's porch rocking in faded white chairs, the season of a long hot day, damp in the pits of their shirts, dotted in beads on their foreheads. Cyrus McIntyre, one of Harlan's two best friends, sunburned and plump like a Christmas pig suited in light blue seer sucker, tipped back his glass of lemonade—a libation freshly squeezed by Harlan's new woman, not the old ball and chain who, god forgive Uncle Harlan, finally upped and died, but the cute little kitten, Jolene J...

The Hannah Rogers Literary Agency . . .

. . . needs a few books. Hannah has noticed that other literary agencies' web sites include pages called "Our Books," or "Latest Releases." She's thinking the better writers send their manuscripts to agencies that have these pages. She's thinking when she goes to these pages on other agencies' web sites, she's never heard of any of the books or authors, so they're probably all made up. Her staff members Chelsea and Gollum are busy, so she needs you to come up with some titles and two- or...

Cartoon 738

Caption: Paul Penna

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

New Beginning 785

Considering all the obnoxious byproducts of humankind in the last millennia, you'd think the worst of them would have been discarded centuries ago. I glared at the tin in my hand, stamped on both sides with the legend 'Spam'.

I sighed and tossed the ration can to Tetze, who caught it with his deft mouth tentacles. Sometimes I envy his flexible digits, both the number of clusters he has on his face, head and limbs, and the speed with which he can employ them; although his skin resembling upchuc...

Cartoon 737

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Face-Lift 825

Guess the Plot

Thaw

1. He was a lumberjack with a lisp, trapped in the woodth with a killer. And he had only one weapon to defend himself.

2. Audrey froze when her mother died, but then she meets Ben and melts. Ben thinks it's a match made in heaven--until law-enforcing angels descend and try to kill him.

3. When an alluring door-to-door saleswoman cuts Tom Kremenchi a deal, he spends $500 on frozen steaks. But when Tom's freezer conks out and he's left with 100 pounds of thawing meat, he makes a...

Cartoon 736

Caption: Evil Editor

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Face-Lift 824

Guess the Plot

Undertow

1. Josh examines the foibles and challenges of life via the metaphor of surfing, analogizing the ebb and flow of the waves to the internal struggles we all experience within, like totally.

2. "Romantic walks on moonlit beaches," says his personal ad. But who -- or what -- is he? Night after night, he magically melts into the sand and drags his date into the surf! He's the evil super villain known as . . . Undertow.

3. When you've been sent to an island reform school, and y...

Cartoon 735

Caption: Paul Penna

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Face-Lift 823

Guess the Plot

The Green Tower

1. Professional assassin Lianne heads off on vacation, only to have the airship she's on crash. Her investigation leads to a megalomaniac in a green tower who wants to destroy the energy infrastructure of the empire. Looks like her next job will be a freebie; no one ruins her vacation. Also, exploding appliances.

2. A lonely stretch of Michigan highway. A moonless night. A teenager's Ford breaks down. She's uses her cell phone to summon help. Soon flashing yellow l...